Being neglected by abusive parents feels safe, because it means they’re not actively yelling at you, blaming you for existing, making you feel like shit because you cost money, or beating you. It gives you some space to feel like maybe they’re okay with your existence today, maybe now you can go and build some confidence and live your life, until their next outburst of hatred. So what if you’re going thru crisis and lack survival resources that day, what if you’re feeling lost and dissociated and worried about your future, at least you’re not burdening anyone with that, at least nobody is blaming you for what you’re going thru right now.
The after-effects of being neglected will show after you grow up, and you’re painfully aware that nobody is ever responsible for making you feel okay, for taking care of you, for making sure you’re not in pain. Because nobody ever did care for any of that, and it’s unlikely they’ll ever start caring. So you don’t reach out, you don’t ask for help, you curl up and wait for pain to pass and blame it on yourself that you’re feeling it. You never realize that for vast majority of your life, there were people responsible for making sure you’re not in pain, that you feel safe and have every support you need; your parents. You don’t realize they skipped out on that responsibility because you’re busy being aware of how much worse they could have been to you, and all you can do is try to heal the damage they’ve already done to you.
Being neglected can make you neglect yourself, because you’ve never been taught that you are someone who is supposed to be nurtured and taken care of. It can mean eating disorders, self-destructive habits, punishing yourself for struggling, feeling like you’re not allowed to have comfort or company, building the hardest possible life for yourself and blaming yourself for being weak if you’re not able to do it all perfectly. It can mean tolerating friends and partners who also neglect you, and not even notice they should be paying attention and caring for what you’re going thru. It means never believing that things will be alright, because nobody is coming to help, nobody is going to fix anything, unless you do it yourself, alone. And there’s things we can’t fix alone. You are forced to emotionally survive on your own, even though humans aren’t meant to.
Someone should have prevented this happening to you. Someone should have seen you suffering as a kid, and protected you, shown you that this is unacceptable, you haven’t deserved it, and you are to be nurtured and cared for, until you can relax and know that there’s love for you in this world.
yousharknotpass
dailybridgerton
kianamaiart
annaxmalina
germansingergirl
andulkaphoto
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