"it’s a matter of pride,” you eventually say, standing up and testing the feeling of being in your shoes - tight, structured, perfect. exactly how you like it.
<CONQUEST OF SPACES>⠀⠀⠀a riwoo x f! reader, figure skating au fic.
COMING SOON.
suggested watching:
[ riwoo: conquest of spaces (kao miura) / rocketman (nathan chen) ]
[ y/n: east of eden (eunsoo lim) / el amor brujo (mai mihara) ]
You have lost enough to this Kaiju War. The last thing you need is getting attached to somebody who willingly risks his life on the regular. Han Dongmin doesn’t get the memo.
MAINS. ranger!Taesan & nurse!female reader
TROPES. pacific rim au, comedy supplied by taesan embarrassing himself, a bit of hurt/comfort
WARNINGS. birth names used, canon-typical mentions of violence, loss and death, minor injuries, probably inaccurate medical practices, taesan copes by thinking he’s some kind of hotshot, skinship
WORDS. 8.2k
NOTES. a bit late but happy 3rd anniversary to bonedo ♡
second event of the love & war series
Han Dongmin has always been a force of nature – headstrong, determined, relentless – and in a Jaeger he’s truly unstoppable. At least that’s what he likes to think.
In reality, whenever Siren Fury is dispatched, there’s a chance he won’t make it back. Or at least, not as the same person he used to be.
Jaegers are built to be as indestructible as possible since they are humanity’s only hope against the Kaijus that emerge from the Pacific oceans. They are practically humanoid metal robots as tall as buildings to be able to fight back the dinosaur-size extraterrestrial monsters. Nothing of this size and delicacy can move on its own effectively like a toy car. So after trial and error all working models of Jaegers are built like humans: with a neural network running through their limbs and a control panel acting as their brain. The Conn-Pod needs at least two pilots to work because only one person cannot possibly handle all that without lasting brain damage. When attached to the Jaeger with their Drivesuit’s spinal clamp digging into their back, the pilots’ minds basically become one. That’s the only way proper coordination can work. Like the right and left halves of the brain working together.
Or at least that’s what Dongmin was taught at his Academy classes by J-technicians who never actually drifted with another person or saw what the world looked like through the eyes of a Jaeger. Dongmin is a soldier though, he doesn’t actually care how it works as long as it gets the work done. As long as humanity is winning against these monsters.
So it’s not often that he’s sentimental enough to contemplate the fragility of human life, but now he’s in the middle of the ocean waiting for the pick up team in the damaged Conn-Pod of Siren Fury with his unconscious co-pilot in his arms. The Jaeger’s half arm is in pieces scattered in the water with the remains of a Category IV Kaiju after they blew it off. Later, the Marshal tells him that it will take weeks to fix it up and it makes him feel useless because that means weeks of forced standby.
A Ranger is nothing without their co-pilot or their Jaeger after all.
Dongmin used to hate this fact, this dependance. All his life, there was nothing he couldn’t do alone. He learned early on that in his family’s dictionary there was no such thing as ‘can’t’. Not having the ability to do something was a weakness he couldn’t afford. Not if he wanted to make his father proud.
Three generations of navy soldiers, that was the dream they cradled since he was young. Then the Kaijus came and turned the world as they knew it upside down. So he was one of the first ones to sign up for the newly established Jaeger program in Busan, one of the youngest ones too. It’s been six years since, two since he finally found a drift compatible partner and now, the girl who was in his head half the time went quiet.
Nevermind. A few hours later she’s up like she merely took an afternoon nap.
Dongmin crosses his arms in front of his chest at the leg of her hospital bed.
“He bought you flowers?” He asks with a grimace as he’s having a staredown with the bowl of water and flora that certainly wasn’t there when they were both brought in for post-mission check ups.
“Aquatic ones! These won’t just die,” his co-pilot glances at the gift dreamily and Dongmin sighs. If he thought it was annoying when she and that Kaiju researcher guy were both pining he might have had to re-evaluate. This could be so much worse now that they finally confessed their undying love for each other or whatever.
“Such a nerd,” he mutters under his breath, unimpressed.
“It’s romantic!” Even bedridden his military partner has energy to argue with him.
Dongmin rolls his eyes and sneakily picks up the honey butter peanut box from her bedside table to pop some into his mouth.
“Whatever. Just try not to think about kissing him when we’re drifting,” he says dryly and dramatically shudders at the thought just for the effect.
“You’re just jealous,” his co-pilot jabs back at him and snatches the snack back from his hand.
“Of you kissing Kim?” Dongmin makes a face and that earns him the pillow thrown at his head.
He knows it wasn’t what she meant but between rigorous training and fighting alien monsters, annoying her is the closest thing he has to normalcy in his life.
It’s a soft sound, somebody clearing their throat, that’s saving her from getting the pillow thrown back at her, hospitalized or not, because when Dongmin sees the presence of a nurse their age, he haphazardly hides the soft material behind his back as if to hide evidence of the childish fight.
“Sorry, I need to check on her vitals,” you say, pulling a clipboard close to your chest and raising your gaze. Soon enough, soft eyes meet his.
Now, this is the part when you should look away shyly, like a blushing, giggling mess. He’s used to that. Girls reacting to his presence like that. And he gets it, Rangers are idolized by the media like stars, they are heroes after all. He has given out autographs and taken selfies with fans who came to congratulate on their victories, so with the way you can’t take your eyes off of him, he thinks that maybe you will ask for one, too.
“Can you–” Ah there it is, just another fan request. He should have brought a pen. “–move aside?”
Wait, what?
“You’re in the way, idiot,” his co-pilot chides and he makes sure to scowl at her before stepping aside, so you can check on the monitor and how much liquid is still in the IV bag.
Embarrassment burns in the pit of his stomach but he doesn’t let it show. He leans against an empty bed, hopefully looking as nonchalant as humanly possible, even as his gaze follows your figure until it disappears down the corridor.
“Is she new?” He blurts out against better judgement but lucky for him his partner is too preoccupied with a text she got most likely from loverboy to notice the weird tone of his voice.
“Who? The nurse? I think so, why?”
Dongmin shrugs like he doesn’t care. Because he doesn’t. It just irks him that you didn’t even spare him a second glance before leaving. He’s not used to being disregarded.
With nothing better to do Dongmin throws himself into Kwoon combat practice. It isn’t like fighting with his co-pilot (not just with words) but she has been advised to not strain herself for at least a while, so he has to suffice with cadets. Not to brag but he can easily take two at a time, three on a good day or if they are really bad. Kwoon is about balance, about connection, it’s more of a dialogue than an actual fight to win but there is no balance if Dongmin is freaking bored with these kids. So he pushes himself more: morning Kwoon sessions, afternoon drift simulations with his co-pilot (if she doesn’t stop thinking about Kim Donghyun’s smile, he will put bleach into her shampoo), strategy discussions with the Marshal and late night gym visits. He watches the numbers climb on the war clock and the J-Techs slowly re-build Siren Fury’s arm while restlessness brews in his stomach.
Then Park Sunghoon visits from the Gangneung Shatterdome and beats his ass on the mat without breaking a sweat. Dongmin grits his teeth as he gets up, leaning more of his weight on the fighting stick.
“What’s with your left side? You rely too much on your right,” the senior Ranger points out calmly while putting the wooden prop away. Dongmin considers lying, saying he just prefers this way, but in the end just sighs.
“Just a bit of a strain, nothing serious,” he shrugs, slowly rolling his left shoulder back, grimacing at the ache seeping into his bones.
“Have it looked at in the infirmary just to be sure,” Sunghoon suggests and grabs his stuff from the floor. Before he leaves, he turns back once with a hint of a smile in the corner of his mouth. “Then find me for a re-match.”
And Dongmin is nothing if not disciplined. It has been drilled into him through military training since childhood, so there he is, at the infirmary. He hasn’t been back since his co-pilot has been discharged but it’s surprisingly empty. Still, it surprises him that the only person at the nurses’ counter is you.
“Oh, are you alone?” He blurts out and it makes him sound stupid when you glance up from the book you’re reading and pointedly look around.
“Do you see anybody else here?”
“I’m just asking. I didn’t know they allow new nurses to be on duty on their own,” he explains his surprise quite poorly if your unimpressed look is anything to go buy. So professional. You really don’t want his signature, huh?
“We don’t really have the luxury to have proper rotations. I guess you know how that is,” you shrug and turn the book upside down, leaving it open on the desk before standing up. He tries to catch what it’s about but the angle is off to read the title properly. You round the counter and point at the examiner table. He takes a seat with a straight back but his eyes are following you.
You tie your hair back and pull a folder out of a drawer. His check up data most likely. He wonders what they say about him. If that folder catalogues all the injuries he has suffered ever since he joined the Jaeger Academy, if it even contains the result of his psychological evaluation that cleared him stable enough to pilot, if it made him seem like a soldier through and through or just somebody who bled through their teenage years to be here.
You move around with a confidence that newbies don’t have. It makes him want to ask where you came from but you beat him to it.
“So what’s wrong?” You step in front of him after leaving his files on the desk and look up. A hint of jasmine hits him and it has him inhale sharply. With him sitting, you’re pretty much eye level and suddenly he can’t make himself look away. You missed a strand of hair when tying your hair up but you’re too focused to care about it. His fingers itch to brush it back, so he curls them into a fist.
“My left shoulder feels off for a few days now,” he ends up saying. It’s the oversimplified version of the truth but admitting that he overestimated his limits and overworked himself to the point to strain a muscle sounds pathetic. He should have known better.
You don’t say anything, just hum quietly and round the table. When you touch him, thumb pressing lightly into his upper trapezius while the rest of your fingers rest on his shoulder, he tenses up for no reason at all.
“Does this hurt?” You ask, voice coming from much closer.
“No,” Dongmin lies because this much is nothing. He has once showed up to his Academy evaluation with a broken rib and nobody noticed. You hum again, contemplating, then press into the skin near his shoulder blade harder and he nearly blacks out from the sharp pain. “Ah, fuck.”
“Yeah, thought so.” That’s your only comment to his outburst before your hands leave him to rummage through a cabinet. “Take off your top.”
You say it like it’s nothing with your back to him, so you miss how fast his ears redden.
“What?” Dongmin’s voice jumps half an octave, dumbfounded, nearly getting a whiplash from how fast he turns to you, not making any moves to follow instructions. An exasperated sigh escapes you and turning back to look at him, you put a hand on your hip.
“Do you always ask so many questions? Be glad I didn’t ask you to pull down your pants,” you raise an eyebrow almost challengingly which has him gaping like a fish. He had no idea being a nurse at the Shatterdome includes such duty.
“You do that too?”
You cross your arms in front of you and deadpan:
“Yes, if some idiot needs a rabies vaccine.”
“Which idiot?” Dongmin is quick to inquire but you just give him a look, so he shuts up. But he would bet that it was Myung Jaehyun. That J-technician is a self-hazard.
“Come on. Shirt off. I need to apply ointment on your back,” you explain and he clears his throat to collect himself.
Right. Get it together, Han Dongmin, don’t act like you haven’t been in the infirmary before.
Dongmin would like to think he’s unaffected. Like totally. Why wouldn’t he be? But the fact that you were unaffected the entire time you had him half-naked on that uncomfortable examination table, fingers gently rubbing something that smelled strongly of peppermint into his skin bothers him more than it should have. Half the girls in the Shatterdome would have liked to be in your place just to ogle, so why do you act like it was nothing?
And yes, he knows that it doesn’t make sense. He’s usually annoyed by the amount of unwanted attention he’s getting. He’s usually busy making sure to keep people at an arm’s length. But now he’s staring up at the grey ceiling from his bunk bed, turning the dog tag of Siren Fury that hangs in his neck between his fingers and can’t sleep. He thinks of your eyes, neutral and never lingering longer than they should, and he couldn’t help but wonder: are you like that, professional and distant, with everybody or do you have something against him personally?
Dongmin kicks the blanket off himself and hauls himself out of bed. He grabs a jacket and his shoes and slips out of the room without waking his roommate. PPDC’s favourite or not, he doesn’t get the luxury of having his own room. Instead he’s roomed with a politician’s son. The Marshal said it’s because they’re the same age and moved to the Shatterdome around the same time but Dongmin has a feeling that it has something to do with how they both have powerful fathers. Commander Han and National Assembly member Lee might not be friends but they are both avid campaigners for the Jaeger Program funding over those useless Anti-Kaiju walls. Chanyoung is a good enough roommate though, he’s quiet but friendly, he knows when not to bother Dongmin.
On nights when Chanyoung can’t sleep, he goes for a swim. On nights when Dongmin can’t, his feet take him to the Kwoon combat room. However, this time around it’s not empty despite the late hour. The boy on the mat is tall and lanky, hasn’t built much muscle yet. He’s practicing hits with the wooden stick but he puts more effort into channeling strength than precision. He doesn’t even notice Dongmin watching from the open door, not until he pushes himself away from the frame and approaches the mat. The younger boy clearly startles and bows with widened eyes, his swift apology cut off by the Ranger:
“Straighten up properly. You put too much of your upper body into the swings. Like this you will tire yourself out before getting any hits,” Dongmin says matter-of-factly as he kicks off his boots and grabs a stick for himself.
When he turns around, the cadet still stands in that awkward position of just having stood up straight after a polite bow like he can’t quite believe he’s seeing an actual Ranger from up close. Dongmin gets it, he used to be starstruck too when he first met senior Rangers but he sure as hell did a much better job at hiding his fascination. This kid is practically vibrating out of his skin and effectively ignoring his previous advice.
Dongmin sighs and lands a soft hit on the boy’s lower back that effectively has him fix his spine.
“I said, straighten up,” he repeats like he’s bored already and nods towards the stick hanging uselessly from the cadet’s hand. “Try to get a point.”
The boy does not manage to get any hits.
Dongmin didn’t actually expect him to. If he managed anyways that would have meant that Dongmin was in a much worse form than he would have liked to admit it despite his healing injury. So the real achievement he wanted to see wasn’t any points but the cadet improving his stance and attacks. And to his credit, the boy tried his best and he has potential. He’s determined and doesn’t give up, not even after the dozenth hit Dongmin gets in lazily without actually straining himself to attack.
“What’s your name, cadet?” He asks when the boy is sprayed out on the floor with sweat dripping down his forehead and neck soaking the collar of his uniform. Dongmin offers him a hand.
“Kim Woonhak, sir,” the cadet rushes to answer while still trying to catch his breath once upright. Dongmin’s mouth pulls into a grimace at the formality that makes him feel much older than he actually is.
“Just hyung is enough,” he corrects and he swears he sees Woonhak’s eyes sparkle.
“Yes, sir– Hyung!”
Dongmin cracks a smile and adjusts his grip on the stick.
“Again.”
When the next Kaiju emerges from the ocean near Brisbane, two Australian Jaegers are dispatched since they are the closest but it doesn’t change the fact that Dongmin feels useless watching the fight through the monitors hung up in the Shatterdome’s halls. What ifs plague his mind about the defenseless Southern coastline of the country and even though he knows that Kim’s idea saved them from being dragged into the water and being torn apart, rebuilding Siren Fury takes more time than he expected. Jaehyun also told him they might not be able to build a plasma charger in the new arm because funding is low and the component parts are crazy expensive. Most of the money goes into the new Mark-6 Jaeger they are building, hopefully launching next year with brand new pilots. At times like this the PPDC’s priorities boil the Ranger’s blood. Is it really better to have two half-built Jaegers than one proper one?
Later that night, after Jake and Leo defeats the Category III Kaiju, he visits the hangar bay smelling of grease and metal to check on Siren Fury. She stands tall and proud, all sleek steel and battleworn scars. Her left arm is open, wires and rods peeking out showing its half-finished state. Dongmin walks over the elevated walkway to get a closer look but halts as soon as he notices a figure already there. At first he thinks it might be his co-pilot driven by the same restlessness he feels but when he gets closer he recognizes you.
For once you don’t wear your usual nurse uniform and don’t have your hair tightly tied back either. Instead you have sweats and an SNU Med t-shirt on, hair falling into your face. It’s the first time he has seen you look so… casual.
Dongmin has half a mind to slip away like he hasn’t even been there but then his shoes made a squealing sound against the grated metal flooring and you look up straight at him. Whatever excuse he was about to say then freezes on the tip of his tongue when he sees your red-rimmed eyes in the hangar’s dim night light. Oh.
You look away quickly, sniffling as you wipe your face clear of evidence and Dongmin just stands there awkwardly, not knowing what to do with the situation. Should he leave you alone and pretend he saw nothing or offer some kind of comfort even though he’s shit at it? One would think having a girl co-pilot helps navigating situations like this but the Ranger girl has always had Kim Donghyun by her side and Dongmin never had to be the shoulder to cry on. Not to mention, you and him aren’t even close, so it probably would be weird if he suddenly initiated anything… right?
“How is it?” You speak up quietly before he could make up his mind. You don’t look at him, just keep staring ahead but it feels like a permission to stay. Like maybe you would actually appreciate some company.
“What?” Dongmin asks as he lowers himself into a sitting position against the railing in a decent arm’s length distance from you.
“Going out there and fighting in this,” you point at his Jaeger and while your words are emotionless, there’s a strain in your voice that most likely has something to do with why today’s Kaiju attack triggered something in you.
So Dongmin takes your question seriously, gives it a moment to think it over properly, instead of just blurting out the first thing that comes to his mind. Everybody has seen Jaegers on TV, some has seen them in real life but only a handful have ever been in a dispatched one. Dongmin is one of the few but he isn’t sure how to describe the feeling to somebody who has never ever sat in a simulator.
“Like you’re on the top of the world,” he says as he stares at the helmet of the blue-washed Siren Fury, at the Korean flag proudly painted on its side. His voice is tethering on the edge of sounding awed. “Piloting a Jaeger isn’t like piloting a plane. It’s not a separate entity. Once you’re attached, it becomes the extension of your own body. Practically, you, your co-pilot and the Jaeger become one after the drift. It’s hard to explain but suddenly you are more.”
Dongmin’s gaze drops to the robot’s legs. Somewhere on its mechanical ankles there are marks of two scratchy names. Him and his co-pilot carved their names into the steel with a knife after their first successful mission. The J-Tech must have noticed but nobody has ever said a thing.
“Isn’t it scary?” You ask quietly and he isn’t sure what you mean. The drift, the control over something so big or the fight against Kaijus? His answer is the same nevertheless:
“Only if you let it,” he says because he has long gotten used to all that. He has come to terms with the fact that he will probably die young in a Jaeger. He just wants to take as many Kaijus with him as he can. He can’t afford to let fear dictate his life. Nobody should, so he tries to crack a joke: “Otherwise it’s just a hyper realistic video game.”
When a hint of a smile graces your features, he considers it a win even if you don’t say anything.
For the first time, silence settles comfortably between the two of you. You don’t cry anymore and he lets the railing dig into his back more as he relaxes his shoulders. Siren Fury glows under the moonlight shining through the glass dome.
“I think being stuck on land having nothing to do is scarier,” Dongmin admits, quieter than before, his fingers mindlessly following the engraving in the dog tag that hangs from his neck between his pulled up legs.
Who is he if he is not out there fighting? It’s a question he has been turning in his head all day but he would like to think there was nothing in his voice that warranted you to look at him with all doe eyes. He clears his throat as he looks away.
“Why leave Seoul? It’s relatively safe there,” he stumbles to fill the void. It’s only fair if it’s his turn to ask, he justifies, and it seems like a neutral enough question. The assumption is also mostly a guess based on your shirt, but you don’t correct him.
“My younger brother joined the Busan Academy as a cadet. He’s all I have,” you answer simply, like it explains everything and maybe it does. The you followed him here part goes unsaid but it’s clear enough. Dongmin wonders what else you left behind in Seoul other than university.
He also wants to ask what happened with the rest of your family but the intensity you’re staring at the Jaegers towering over you is an answer too, he supposes. Wrong time, wrong place and a Kaiju. Everybody seems to have a story like this these days.
“Are you not… proud of him?” He asks instead. Tentatively because it sounds like you don’t approve of your brother’s decision to join the military, to work for keeping the country safe while you’re also on the frontline even if in a different role. Shatterdomes are built right by the water which makes them the closest targets when a Kaiju attack comes. Everybody risks their life by being there, not just the cadets who might pilot a Jaeger one day.
“I am,” you’re quick to protest but your voice breaks when you continue. “But I don’t want to lose him. Why does it have to be him who plays the hero?”
Dongmin clenches his jaw at the clear concern in your voice and stares out at the sea through the giant windows.
He grew up in a household built on discipline, diligence and loyalty. It has never been a question to him if he will put his life on the line for his country, it was a given. He still remembers the warmth of his father’s palm squeezing his shoulder when he officially became a Ranger and the smile on his mother’s face as she told her friends that her son had defeated Kaijus. He cannot disappoint them.
“Somebody has to do it,” he says.
He has gotten used to it: people expecting him to be that somebody. He was the best of best, they said, if somebody could do it, it would be him. It has always filled him with pride, the trust they put into his abilities and the way they justified the hard work he has put into getting there. But listening to you talking about your brother with such unabashed care, he can’t help but want that. Somebody to care enough to worry about him too. It’s stupid because he’s better off without it and yet, now it keeps plaguing his thoughts.
Thoughts you break easily when you shift until you face him, you knee almost bumping into his side.
“You’re his role model, you know? That’s why he applied here,” you tell him and while it doesn’t sound like you’re blaming him, he feels a pang of guilt anyways. He doesn’t let it hurt though.
“Want an autograph?” He raises his eyebrows and flashes a charming smile at you. At the girl who has every reason to hate him because her brother might die one day because of his influence.
You snort at his silly question regardless and he finds that he doesn’t even mind it, at least you’re smiling. That’s good enough.
Dongmin hisses when the wound stings under running water. The bleeding has stopped already and now he just feels stupid trying to clean up broken glass with his hands. He brings his hurting hand up to his face to inspect the injury. Luckily it’s nothing serious, barely more than a paper cut. He normally ignores such things, because while sure, they’re mildly annoying for a few days when in contact with something, soon enough they’re gone without a trace. But now for some reason his feet take him to the infirmary’s floor, his brain already racking up explanations like how even such a small wound could get infected or affect his job if not taken care of professionally. You don’t ask for any of his excuses when you see him, just have him sit down and treat his cut with careful hands. It takes less than five minutes and he’s out of the infirmary with a plaster on his finger.
The thing is, normally Dongmin doesn’t get injured or sick often. At least not seriously enough to ask for help. No wonder even his co-pilot looks at him weird when after a Kwoon combat session, he’s off to the nurse station to have a freshly reddened bruise looked at. He leaves with a cooling cream in hand. You didn’t even ask him to take his shirt off!
One time he goes as far as pretending to have fever after his skin heats up from blow drying his hair but you just put a cool hand against his forehead and brush his fringe out of his face before dropping a sour candy wrapper into his hands. He’s not sure whether this is more humiliating or when only Mrs Hwang is in and he bolts after she tells him that it’s your day off.
So now he’s at the hangar bay, sitting on a stool too small for his long legs, while Jaehyun is working on his Jaeger’s hand. Dongmin is there to supposedly help, wearing a motion capture glove and bending his fingers every once in a while when the J-Tech guy tells him to, but he mostly just complains about the dissatisfactory health care service he has received lately as in not being able to talk with you properly because you always send him away once he’s treated.
“Dude, if you want her attention so badly, maybe talk to her instead of giving her more work,” Jaehyun advises while checking on the hand sensor settings on his tablet and making some modifications to the sensitivity levels.
“I don’t want–” Dongmin is quick to argue but he bites his tongue when his friend sends him a knowing look. He sighs begrudgingly. “I’m not that desperate.”
He has a reputation to uphold after all. He’s the Jaeger Academy’s best for a reason. The Pan Pacific Defence Corps’s favourite role model to parade for young cadets. Commander Han’s eldest son. He’s not some lovesick male lead from a tv drama.
And yet, somehow, half an hour later he’s back in the infirmary wing because he touched something on the workstation he shouldn’t have and now he has a fresh burn mark on his palm. For once, he feels more embarrassed than sneaky when he walks through the double doors and you look up from your desk. You don’t even seem surprised anymore to see him there.
“You know, for a Ranger, you’re kind of careless,” is the first thing you tell him after he shows you his newest injury.
“Excuse me?” The snarky reaction escapes Dongmin as defensiveness takes over. The callout feels unfair, because no matter what anybody says, he is one hell of a Ranger. He has medals the president awarded him for god’s sake.
You look him in the eye, unwavering, and press a pad of disinfectant against his wound as if to prove a point. Dongmin hisses and deflates like a balloon.
“Oh, that. Right,” he mumbles, casting his eyes down like a child that knows they were in the wrong.
You hold his hand gently while applying the disinfectant properly and spread a thin layer of cream over the burn. He already misses the subtle touch when you let go to get the gauze and wrap it around his palm. When your fingers linger a bit more than necessary after securing the bandage with a plaster, he might have just imagined that.
“You should be more careful,” you tell him belatedly, half scolding, half worried, while sitting down in front of the age-old computer to log his newest visit into his files. Dongmin has to turn his head away to hide his smile.
After that things slowly start to change.
You don’t ignore him anymore when he looks your way in the canteen. The first time he sits down at your table, the girls nearby stare and whisper and giggle not-so-subtly. But at least he gets to talk to you about how his burn is healing and that he managed to beat Park Sunghoon at Kwoon combat the last time they sparred. When you notice he doesn’t eat the eggplant on his plate, you steal it from his tray and give him a piece of chicken instead. He can’t stop smiling behind his can of soda.
During one of his now semi-regular practices with Woonhak, who is slowly growing on him despite his best efforts, you show up and he gets distracted enough for the cadet to easily land a hit straight on his chest. Only when Woonhak waves to you with wide smiles does he understand why you don’t seem surprised at all to see the two of them there. When you and Woonhak get ready to leave, he kind of expects you to tell him to go easy on your brother next time now that you’ve seen him get in several hits but instead, you mouth a thank you towards him. Dongmin watches you ruffle Woonhak’s hair dotingly which makes the younger boy whine with something squishingly soft forming in his chest.
One time he catches you in the gym on the treadmills and challenges you to a race. Unexpectedly you agree and get him the vending machine soda he asks for when he wins without complaining about his unfair advantage. Both of you are sweaty while you’re sitting there with your legs aching, slurping on your drinks, but when Dongmin is glancing your way, you’re smiling.
And then there are the late night meetings in the Jaeger hangar. Sometimes you’re just lying on your back on the catwalk and searching for stars on the pitch black sky through the glass dome. Sometimes you talk about everything and nothing. He gets to know you there slowly.
You like the hangar because your father was a mechanic and the district smell of oil, burning metal and fresh paint reminds you of his garage. Your voice breaks when you tell him that your father was working on the Anti-Kaiju wall that was destroyed by the Category III bringing catastrophe to the Southern shore years ago. He asks about your university days and tells you about the Jaeger Academy and how it wasn’t that different from growing up in a military family. You’re the first one to ask him about what he would do if one day the monsters stopped coming. He doesn’t have an answer, not then, but later, lying in his bed alone, staring at the starless ceiling, he hopes you’re there in a future like that.
"Category IV Kaiju alert! J-Tech, prepare Siren Fury for dispatch! Rangers report to Conn-Pod immediately! I repeat: Category IV Kaiju–”
The sirens are blaring throughout the Shatterdome, waking everybody up at 4AM. Dongmin laces up his boots haphazardly and swings the door open. Down the corridor he sees his co-pilot leave Kim Donghyun’s room.
“Are you ready?” She asks while she’s zipping up her jacket.
“So ready. Let’s kick some Kaiju ass,” Dongmin grins. Finally the restlessness he has felt in the last few weeks has a space to go as they are making their way to the Conn-Pod.
Chanyoung is already at LOCCENT, tracking the Kaiju’s movements on one monitor and checking the Jaeger’s energy levels on the other with other comm officers. When Dongmin puts on the Drivesuit, he hears him in his in-ear.
“I hope you slept well, it’s a really ugly beast.”
“Don’t worry, we will send it right back where it came from,” he says, ever so confident, wincing quietly when the spinal cord is attached. Some say it’s bad luck to celebrate early but Dongmin thinks it boosts morale. Not to mention no Kaiju could take them down before, isn’t that proof enough that it’s warranted? His roommate just wishes him luck, then starts the countdown.
“Initiating drift in 3, 2, 1…”
Dongmin closes his eyes and lets memories flood him. It’s a mix of old and new, his and his co-pilot’s. A Kaiju that has left him shaking, a beach town in ruins, late night practices until his body was sore and useless and still not good enough, Kim Donghyun smiling under the sunset, ice cream smeared on his lips, and your voice echoing in his ears, the sour candy he got from you tasting sweet on his tongue.
“Drift successful, connection stable. Rangers, confirm!” Somebody yells just and he opens his eyes, feeling the familiar presence of a companion in the back of his mind. He turns his head towards his partner who smiles and he already knows what she wants to say even before she opens her mouth.
“That was so cheesy.”
“You’re one to talk,” he rolls his eyes but with no malice and they move their hands at the same time, the Jaeger’s mechanic limb following their movements swiftly.
“Siren Fury is ready for deployment,” he confirms and when the Jumphawks hatch onto the mech’s shoulders to airlift them, he imagines you watching it happen through the big monitor in the hallways. It gives him one more reason to win.
It’s not an easy victory but it feels good. Every landed punch and every plasma hit right on target. After weeks of restlessness, Dongmin finally feels like he’s doing something useful. By the time the Kaiju’s lifeless body collapses into the Japan Sea, he’s sweating, his muscles ache and there’s a beginning of a throbbing headache in his temple. Yet, he feels delirious, the good kind, like he can take on the whole world.
It’s always a bit disorientating when they are back in the Shatterdome and the Conn-Pod is detached from the Jaeger. Suddenly it’s a lot quieter in his mind even though his co-pilot’s thoughts linger for a while like ghost touches.
“Let me guess, you will go for a check-up right away,” she wiggles her brows as she’s getting out of her Drivesuit.
“Shut up and go make out with your boyfriend or something,” Dongmin rolls his eyes instead of reminding her that medical check-ups after an actual drift were important. It would be hypothetical because he used to not care much despite the protocol. It would also be useless because he can already see Donghyun waiting like a puppy behind the Conn-Pod station’s glass doors.
He gives the Kaiju nerd a nod when he walks by him into the LOCCENT and accepts the pats on the back and congratulations from the officers with his usual nonchalance. He doesn’t intend to stay long but before he could escape, the Marshal finds him and tells him about an event they should attend to secure more funding for the Jaeger program. He agrees like a good soldier would because he doesn’t really have a choice anyways, then asks for permission to leave. When granted, he slips away through hidden corridors before anybody else could stop him.
Usually he loves the part when every resident of the Shatterdome gathers to celebrate the new win of humanity. These are the only few times when they get to relax before the next Kaiju appearance. They are allowed to have fun, to drink, to forget that the attacks are getting more and more frequent and the world might be doomed. Dongmin also likes the post-Kaiju fight high, the adrenaline pumping in his veins and the feeling of being invincible. He knows he will crash soon, either with the headache worsening or exhaustion taking over, but for now he feels like he could do anything.
When he opens the door to the infirmary, he catches you pacing from one end to another.
“–would be such a bad idea to–”
You stop when you notice him and another girl jumps off the counter. It’s Minju, Dongmin recognizes her from Donghyun’s lab.
“Uhm, I will go get coffee,” she exclaims abruptly even though there’s clearly a mug half-full of dark liquid on the counter where she just sat. When she passes by Dongmin’s side she shows him thumbs up and offers a “Good job today!” cheerily.
“Thanks,” Dongmin says and waits for you to agree, to comment on his performance, to say anything but when the door is closed behind your friend, you turn your back on him and shuffle back to the computer to pull up his charts. The examination table makes a creaking sound in the silence when Dongmin sits down without having been told. He knows the drill by now.
“How are you feeling?”
When you speak up, it’s in your usual work tone, all professional. He’s a bit disappointed but he refuses to wilt like a flower.
“Good. Just a little headache,” he says and watches you get up to grab a few things.
He knows what comes, he has been in the same situation multiple times just with different nurses. Mrs Hwang who works the alternate shifts is such a mother hen, treating all of them like children. The previous nurse who left before you came was so chatty, always had a new gossip whenever he sat there. He never really craved either of their acknowledgement, but with you he almost feels desperate for it.
“Did you watch us?” He asks when you fasten the blood pressure monitor’s cuff around his arm but you just shush him. He casts his eyes down, sulky, like a scolded child all the while the cuff tightens then loosens and the machine beeps. You jot down his results before stepping closer again. Your fingers are soft on his skin while you slip the medical device off his arm.
You don’t look him in the eye when you eventually answer. “No.”
It has Dongmin reeling. All this time he has thought that everybody was busy following the broadcasts of the Kaiju fights, he thought that you saw him defeat this newest alien monster, that somehow this could maybe appeal to you, but now he’s just confused.
“Why?”
You ignore his question and pick up the penlight instead.
“Follow the light with your eyes,” you tell him and he begrudgingly follows the instructions like a champ. However, when you drop your hand and turn away, he grabs onto your wrist to pull you back. You’re clearly startled as you stumble and have to catch yourself with a hand against his chest to not fall completely onto him.
“Why?” He asks again and there’s something defiant in your eyes when you finally make eye contact with him, your arm flexing under his hold, your fingers curling into his uniform shirt. He has half a mind to let go of you but he’s also relishing in the fact that you haven’t even tried to pull away, that you’re staying close on purpose. He’s basking in your subtle jasmine scent and the warmth of your shaky exhales.
“I don’t like seeing you hurt,” you whisper into the barely there space between the two of you and it ceases the ugly disappointment burning in the pit of Dongmin’s belly.
“I’m fine though,” he insists and swipes his thumb over the inner side of your wrist. It’s supposed to be soothing but when your breath hitches, he can’t help a grin at the reaction he finally got out of you.
“Ranger Han–” You raise your voice and it sounds like he’s in for a reprimand or a warning. He decidedly ignores it.
“Dongmin,” he corrects with a smirk as he tilts his head and continues the caresses on your skin.
For a long moment you just stare at each other as if to see who can take it longer. He can feel his cheeks heat up despite the confident act he puts up and when your gaze drops to his lips, his pulse jumps. There’s a tremble in his fingers when you lean closer and then…
“Noona! Have you seen–” Somebody barrels through the infirmary’s double doors and Dongmin has to hold himself back from dramatically sighing when you step back until your back hits the nurse desk. “Oh, hi, hyung! Oh my god, you were so cool out there!”
Woonhak is all smiles and pure enthusiasm. He’s also totally oblivious to what he has interrupted. Still, he’s your brother, so Dongmin puts on a smile and answers all the questions Woonhak has about this new Kaiju and their strategy against it. He also promises to give him a tour around Siren Fury’s Conn-Pod one day. You drop a piece of sour candy into his hands before he has to leave.
The next time he ends up in the infirmary, it’s not on purpose and totally not his fault.
He was looking for his co-pilot so they could run a drift simulation but she was hanging out with her boyfriend in the labs. Apparently the K-scientists found something breakthrough regarding the anatomy of the Kaijus but Dongmin was busy checking on the different shades of blue vials labelled synthetic Kaiju blood to really pay attention. Nobody around him wore masks or gloves, so he assumed it was safe enough. That little piece of shiny rock on the petri dish wasn’t even blue, so the last thing he expected when he poked it was for his skin to stain a fluorescent color.
Apparently it was a sample from a beach that got exposed to Kaiju Blue, the deadly toxic agent in the aliens’ blood, and since the team was currently working on how to reverse its destructing effect on nature, they already had an antidote on hands for small exposures. Donghyun quickly had him drink something awfully bitter that stopped the pins and needles feeling slowly spreading in his arm.
Still, it caused quite a bit of fright for everybody present, so his co-pilot dragged him to the infirmary just to be sure he would be okay. You keep it professional while she’s in there explaining what happened but as soon as she leaves, you start scolding him.
“You know very well that Kaiju blood contains toxins. What were you thinking?” You tsk, flashing him a severely disappointed look before getting something from the cabinet. Then suddenly turn back to him and point an accusing finger at him. “You’re officially banned from the labs, got it?”
You don’t even wait for an answer, just keep mumbling something about him being so eager to put his life on the line under your breath while pulling out an IV bag. When you turn back to him, you have a cannula in your hands.
“There’s really no need–” He tries to protest but you cut him off with the authority of someone who has bossed men around all her life.
“Sit back down,” you tell him and Dongmin’s bottom hits the mattress even before his mind can process the words.
He has faced a dozen Kaijus. He has faced death. But apparently nothing scares him as much as you do when you’re mad at him. He has never seen you so agitated, frantic and frustrated. So he bears it without complaint as you put him on IV drip even though when you stab the needle into his arm, he’s pretty sure you do it with more force than necessary.
Even after you make sure the fluid is flowing into his bloodstream properly and that the last remnants of blue discoloring disappeared from his fingers, you’re still hovering over him. It makes him feel bad.
“I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me,” he says, trying to coax you into a more relaxed state.
“Then stop getting hurt!” You shove at his chest but it’s weak because you clearly don’t want to cause him more pain.
Dongmin has the audacity to smile when he catches your hand and pulls you down to sit on the bed. You let him more easily than he expected. You also make no moves to pull your hand away.
“I will try, I promise,” he tries, gentler, rubbing gently your palm.
“You better,” you huff with downturned lips and avoiding his eyes like a sulky cat and Dongmin is awfully endeared. Who knew that he just needed to get exposed to almost deadly chemicals to see this side of you? It makes him want to push his luck.
“What about a get well soon kiss?” He asks playfully and you scowl at him, unimpressed.
“You don’t deserve it.”
He pouts, playing his disappointment up, and you roll your eyes at him. Your hand remains in his though and you don’t move from his infirmary bed, so he’s not complaining.
He can’t tell whether it’s from the IV bag’s contents or the antidote from earlier, but soon his eyelids start getting heavy. Just before he tips over the edge and slips into a dreamless sleep, he feels soft lips against his forehead. He falls asleep with a stupid smile on his face.
Before meeting you, Dongmin used to think that nothing can compare to the feeling of being invincible in a Jaeger. Now, he’s not so sure anymore. You make him feel on top of the world too.
END NOTES. title from the keshi song. header pic from the BEAT High magazine behind cut.
genre: fluff | birthday! au, friendship shenanigans
wc: 2.1k
a/n: happiest 20th to my dearest milo @luvbinnies. i wrote you a little present i hope you really like,, it's silly goofy hurt/comfort vibes + lots of friendship which i think is super important on a birthday. hope you have a blast today, and that your twenties greet you with warmth and excitement!!! ilyyyyyyyy 🩵🩵🩵
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It's the worst birthday ever. Single-handedly, irreversibly, the worst birthday in all your twenty years of being alive on planet Earth.
What's even more terrible? You'd been sure this was the year everything would turn around for once, that you'd be spending today with your new friends from uni, and not pretending to be a shapeless lump under your blanket, face smushed into the soft hollow of your pillow.
“Nghh,” you let out a garbled sound into it, counting down to how much longer you could survive with no airflow onto your nose or mouth. 10, 11, 12, 13…
Yep, fuck, 13 is where you quit.
Call it dramatic, but you were so sure you'd be happy today. Your mom had called you in the morning to wish you bright and early, promising that the pastries she'd sent over would arrive soon. (It hadn't. Lost in mail or something like that. Now you have to wait another day to enjoy it.)
But that's okay, you can deal with no pastries until tomorrow. There are the other things you can't seem to overlook no matter how hard you try though.
Like how you'd walked into the kitchen this morning, expecting balloons and confetti from your dear roommates, but instead had been met with Woonhak stuffing a whole chicken leg into his mouth and running off without sparing you a second glance.
But it's Woonhak, and his absurdity can be excused away by his usual personality.
Then it was Wonhee refusing to let you into her room and letting Sungho drag you out to a cafe—until he got a phone call in the middle of your nice little hangout and had to run off after suggesting you get lunch and buy some nice clothes with the notes he presses into your hand. While you appreciated the money, you did not appreciate being abandoned in the middle of a cafe to have a sad meal all alone while you swore people kept judging you from the corner of your eyes.
You were so sure at least one of your other roommates would come back for you. If no one else, then Jaehyun. Always him.
He's been looking out for you since the first day you got here, all bright-eyed and ambitious to start a new chapter of your life. He's your closest friend here; all you wanted was a wish, a hug at best. He's never been shy with affection—always reaching for your hand or ruffling your hair or throwing a hand around your shoulder, pulling you close.
Not a single wish from him either. You know it hurts the most out of everyone, and you also know the bite is more pinched because a part of you knows there's a small crush blooming there for him.
Fuck Myung Jaehyun—and fuck all your other so called friends too. You had slumped in your seat as you stared down at your empty tea cup.
The last straw was a three year old wobbling over to your sad state and offering you her cookie, saying, “You look sad.” You agree with her, and you appreciate her offering, but being called out by a toddler for being a joyless adult is not a fun experience.
And then things just kept going wrong, one after another like the worst game of dominoes in the world.
Your car broke down, your heel snapped, then you got rained on the whole time on your forty-minute walk back home. You're pretty sure you looked like a wet cat dragging its tail across the carpet when you trudged back in, not even bothering to go into the living room before beelining for your bedroom and crawling into your sheets.
Gross. You're sopping from head to toe, and now you need to do your laundry tomorrow—if you don't get sick from mold poisoning first that is.
It's a terrible, horrible day, and the clock is dangerously ticking close to midnight, and all you've done today is be miserable and be ignored by your friends. Your phone died halfway through the outing, you have no energy or will to plug into the socket, and your legs ache from the whole godforsaken journey.
Through the layers of blankets, you hear the creak of your door, footsteps approaching in tentative rhythm.
“Hi,” a soft voice arrives, hesitant, and you feel someone stand above you.
A part of you wants to keep sulking, try and see if they'll get tired of it and leave. But then there's a gentle hand removing the blanket off of you—Jaehyun’s guilty eyes coming to view in your reddened ones, half your face swallowed into the bed.
“What?” you spit back, and it comes out more of a Bwah.
He seems to understand anyways. “So,” he begins, inviting himself over to sit next to you. “You’re going to get sick if you don't dry yourself up—”
“I don't care. I'll just die.”
Your response is bitter and annoyed. Who is he to care whether you get sick or not? He didn't even wish you a happy 20th, didn't even come in to check until the end of the day. He'd forgotten, and now he wants to make amends so he doesn't look like the bad guy.
Well, fat chance—he is the bad guy. And he's a terrible friend.
“Y/N-ie—”
“Don't ‘Y/N-ie’ me, Myung Jaehyun, get out of my room if you're done pretending to be concerned.”
Jaehyun is stricken at that. His face morphs from remorse to a frown, sad around the edges.
Then, “I'm not pretending. I do care.” His fingers are tense where they graze yours, voice hurt. “We’re... Today just went all wrong.”
“Tell me about it. It was the crappiest ever.”
“No, not like that. Not whatever you’re thinking of,” he stays adamant, coaxing your chin to look at him. And then he's brushing your hair back, settling himself on the bed so you're laying facing each other. It sends a spike of electricity through you that you blame on water and heat. “Woonhak accidentally put sugar into the chicken.”
…
You blink. What?
“What?”
“Woonhak,” Jaehyun repeats, huffing like he finds the situation insane himself. “He was supposed to handle your birthday breakfast. But he messed up the salt and dumped sugar into the pan, and when you walked into the kitchen, poor kid panicked and ate the whole thing himself so you wouldn't accidentally get a taste of his shitty cooking.”
“Oh.”
“Wonhee feels bad she had to say no to you hanging out in her room, too. She was blowing balloons in there…ended up bursting half the pack and then Woonhak had to run to get her inhaler for her.”
Oh. There's a weird sense of guilt running through you now, for assuming your friends had any hurtful intentions at all, but Jaehyun, observant as ever, swoops in to soothe you. He doesn't mind that your face is dewy with rain, his thumb brushes at your cheek when he says, “She’s okay, just beating herself up for needing to buy a second set of balloons, and apparently Leehan doesn't know how to colour-match them or something.”
“And Sungho?”
“Yeah, he,” Jaehyun sighs at the bad luck. “He was going to keep you distracted until we had gotten everything ready, but then the cake went missing, the florist got hospitalised for food poisoning, we almost burnt down the kitchen trying to fix dinner, and then he had to run out to save us…”
And all of it sounds wacky enough to be a lie, but you've been able to read Jaehyun from a mile away. The guy wears his heart on his sleeve and his entire soul on his face. “You burnt down the kitchen?” you ask, forcing a glare.
“Almost,” he corrects, booping your nose to distract you.
“You suck,” you grumble, but you lean into the touch instinctively, needing warmth. “Get me a towel.”
Jaehyun's eyes brighten up at your demand, excited to help out in any way now. He knows where you keep your things, so it proves to be not a hassle at all to find.
When he sits behind you to dry your hair without needing to be asked, it feels like the world is slowly returning to peace again. Not in a monumentary way that fixes things forever, more of a gentle bandaid over a wound. And then, he says, “I wanted today to be good, y’know. I was hoping you'd be the happiest you ever were. Sorry for fucking it up for you.”
“You didn't fuck it up.” You shake your head. “It's not over yet. And you're here now, drying me off like some rabid cat you brought back from the street.”
Jaehyun giggles at your attempt to lift the mood. “You're satisfied by just this? So you don't want your present?”
Your head swivels around at breakneck speed. “Present!?”
He rolls his eyes playfully at your quick change in demeanour. “Later. When you're less drenched.”
You huff and pout, crossing your arms to turn away. The least he could do after putting you through that rollercoaster of emotions is get you something you like. Your mind is already twisting through all the possibilities of what it could be. A new album for your collection? That bracelet you've had your eye on since forever? Maybe tickets to the amusement park, like you've been hinting at for a while now, wanting to go with him.
Jaehyun tries to get you to look at him, mumbling your name repeatedly to get your attention. You're too stubborn to give in now, even if your anger has melted away into warm excitement by now. It's just nice to be here with him at all.
“Happy birthday, Y/N,” you hear Jaehyun whisper into your ear, the towel muffling the sound a little but doing nothing to stop the sparks shooting down your spine. His breath ghosts against skin, ticklish.
It's pure impulse that you turn your head to see him, and it's coincidental that he's a millimeter away from you, looking just as surprised, but making no move to widen the distance.
He's right there. Looking all soft with his curly brown hair and rosy cheeks and fuck, you might just kiss away that pout on his lips if he doesn't stop you.
And he doesn't. He's never stopped you now that you think of it, always a supporter of your whims—always your partner in crime. He's leaning in before you know it, and the sheets are bunched up within your fist, a hand at your jaw tilting it, his mouth on yours—
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Y/N!”
Woonhak’s loudspeaker-mouth ruins the moment, the door slamming on the side-wall, and suddenly there's a whole ocean of distance between you and your best friend. Your best friend who you would have really liked to kiss and turn into something more.
But now Woonhak is barrelling into your personal space and throwing himself into a hug, pulling you against him even though your clothes are nowhere near dry. “We’re so sorry we messed up. We were trying to make it amazing for you and ended up doing the opposite, please don't be mad,” he whines, worrying that you were about to cut him off for eating your chicken.
Wonhee, having deemed it safe to enter now that she can use Woonhak as a human shield if your wrath presented itself, also creeps up behind you to hug you. Then comes Leehan, who practically ragdolls himself and drags all four of you down into the bed, stacked up on top of one another, barely able to get your complaints out.
“You're killing her on her birthday, let the poor girl make it to twenty-one,” Sungho’s chiding voice filters in through the gaps in the human-ball. Jaehyun cackles at the sight, then when he can't help but join in, bear hugs the entire group with arms as wide as he can make it. An exasperated Sungho follows suit when he reaches for him as well.
It's suffocating, in a weirdly comfy way. The weight of people you love around you, on you, everywhere. So much love that you just want to squeeze them to oblivion, with uncontained affection.
Through it all, you feel Jaehyun's fingertips grazing yours, looping around your pinky like a secret. Or like a promise to continue where you'd left off earlier.
So you may have suffered through rain and dirt today, but it's okay. Because it's worth it when you have friends who pour their love into you—enough to swallow sugary chicken on your behalf, fight through their shitty lung capacity just to get you your balloons, and even almost burn down the house to make you happy. You have Myung Jaehyun to tell you that you're loved while he dries your hair for you, not minding any of the mess.
It's a good birthday, you realise. Everything feels right in the world again.
Maybe turning twenty isn't all that bad after all.
a/n: hehe i hope this was fun to read, and everyone who made it till the end pls do go slide into @luvbinnies milo's inbox and wish them a wonderful birthday and be really annoying about it too :D !! love youuuuu
TROPES. pacific rim au, best friends to lovers, hurt/comfort (the angst to fluff pipeline)
WARNINGS. birth names used, canon-typical mentions of loss and death, brief alien monster fight descriptions, minor injury, skinship, mutual pining (taesan just wants to kill some kaijus but he somehow gets caught up with these two)
WORDS. 2.8k
NOTES. rewatched the movie recently and this happened. you cannot tell me Leehan wouldn't join a kaiju lab
first event of the love & war series
Seven years ago, when the first Kaiju showed up on the shore of San Francisco and the news was plastered onto every billboard across the world, sixteen year old Donghyun turned to his best friend in triumph: “See? I told you aliens are real!”
At first, it seemed like a grotesque miracle. A never seen before huge monster showing up out of nowhere and leaving massive destruction behind. After a while people forgot about it. It happened once and far away, on American soil. Then six months later it happened again in the Philippines. Then it kept happening and so the countdown began.
Now, with you in a Jaeger’s cockpit, Donghyun wishes he had been wrong.
He wishes for a lot of things these days, he’s greedy like that. If not for world peace, for you.
He wishes he hadn’t been so fascinated by these creatures that he had applied to join the Kaiju scientist program right after graduation to become a cryptozoologist with his advanced fish biology knowledge. He wishes you hadn’t followed him to the Busan Shatterdome only to excel at the ranger training. He wishes you had never tested drift compatible with Han Dongmin. He wishes he didn’t have to watch you risk your life out there again and again while he’s safely tucked in the military facility’s laboratory analyzing Kaiju behaviour. He wishes you knew how much you meant to him.
There it is again, that wrong feeling. The sirens are blaring but he can barely hear them. He just stares out of the glass panel of the lab, watching J-tech engineers running around to get Siren Fury ready for battle. The Jaeger stands 72 meters tall, made of sleek steel, Korea’s only Mark-5 model. It’s as much of a weapon as it is an armour, humanity’s only effective shield against these monsters, but you and your co-pilot always call it her, call it beautiful and Donghyun has to bite his tongue because chances are this metal giant will be your graveyard one day. There’s nothing beautiful about that. But you don’t fear death, not like him. You come face-to-face with it every time a new Kaiju emerges from the breach in the Pacific Ocean and you’re dispatched to fight.
He begged you before your first field mission.
“Please don’t do this,” he grabbed onto your wrist before you could have left the sleeping quarters. You were in his room, laughing at something stupid and meaningless when the speakers blared and you were summoned. Everything stopped being funny then.
“Donghyun–”
He could see something break in your eyes as you glanced behind your shoulder and then back at him. Your pulse thundered under his fingertips. The sound of sirens and footsteps dulled in the background.
“Don’t go,” he pleaded, cold fear grasping him with bony fingers. It was pathetic but he didn’t care. Now that it was happening, he didn’t think he could watch you fight a Kaiju. Simulations were different, you might have aced them all but this was the real thing.
“I haven’t trained for the last three years to give up now. I… we can die on the street during any attack. We don’t know when this will end, if this will end at all. I don’t want to sit around and just wait while people are dying. I want to do something,” you told him back then all determined, your eyes fiery, and he knew it was useless to argue.
He wanted to though, he wanted to ask why did it have to be this? He knows you though, after ten years of friendship, of course he does. He should have seen it coming since the first time you threatened to beat up kids who bullied him for his fish obsession. He knew you would make it since the first time he saw you on the mat, sparring with guys much bigger than you in the Kwoon combat room. You even kept up with Han Dongmin of all people and he came from a military family as expected from PPDC’s new favourite. He knew you were made for this.
“You know what’s the first thing they ask you in ranger training? Whether we would rather die here or in a Jaeger. You know what my answer is,” you added, quieter and put a hand on his to slide it off your wrist.
He let go, his fingers twitching and curling around nothing.
“ I know but… I can’t lose you too,” he whispered, swallowing around the glob in his throat. You had both lost too much when the Southern coastal line was attacked in Year 3 of the resistance. But the fear of losing you was so much more than that.
Still, you looked at him like you understood and you reached for his hand to squeeze it.
“You won’t,” you promised before catching up with your co-pilot yelling at you.
He still feels like he’s losing you, every single time. Even when you come back, he knows you will slip away soon enough. That’s why it hurts to let go even though he has no right to keep you back.
Today, it feels especially like torture. To watch it on the big screen in the Shatterdome as the Category IV Kaiju with its hardened scales, crocodile-like jaw and human-sized teeth tries to bite off Siren Fury’s arm.
The metal monstrum stumbles as the Kaiju drags it further into the water. The close combat seems unfair as the Jaeger’s left arm becomes useless and its right hand cannot seem to get a grip on the Kaiju that has a hard enough shell to not seem affected by the cannonball-sized bullets hitting it. Unfortunately firing a proper missile that might do some damage could also destroy the Jaeger from so close, so Donghyun knows why the fight is dragging out for so long.
“Did they mutate to be bulletproof?” He hears a girl from the K-watch team mutter under their breath and he presses his lips into a firm line. As somebody on the research team he knows exactly how these creatures evolved over time, how they got bigger, faster, smarter. It’s both fascinating and scary to see this fast paced evolution in real time and how Jaeger technology has had to match every new capability. It took six days, three destroyed cities and nuclear missiles to kill the first Kaiju, these days a Category IV takes two or three Jaegers and half an hour. But with the Japanese Midnight Ghost having its Conn-Pod detached from its body, Siren Fury is alone and they are losing.
“Did it rip out the electro blaster?” A girl gasps and Donghyun stands up so abruptly it knocks the chair he sat on over. He can’t just watch this.
He looks up at the communication center’s glass walls and the panicked faces before running out and taking the stairs by two. He’s heaving by the time he falls into the LOCCENT Mission Control room. He sees the Marshal’s eyes snap at him for his rude, unauthorized presence but he will deal with that later.
“Tell them to attack the underside of the neck or in the mouth,” he tells the officer behind the microphone. He doesn’t explain it because there’s no time. He sees the red warnings all over the computer screens, the health levels of the pilots dropping low, the Jaeger’s now disabled functions. It’s life or death at this point.
“What?” The officer blinks, looking up at the Marshal for instructions.
“Donghyun?” Your voice comes from the speaker broken and strained. Donghyun’s heart shatters a bit at the way his name sounds from your lips so differently from the usual teasing tone.
“With a body like that, it should be soft and weak in the neck,” he says firmly, now right into the microphone he has grabbed from the useless LOCCENT officer.
Kaijus might be aliens, they might have an anatomy the human race has never seen on Earth nor can comprehend. But they have flesh and blood – albeit toxic blood – like other mammals. They aren’t bulletproof and most have their gills on their necks to breathe underwater, so it’s as good of a guess as any.
“I sure hope you’re right, Kim, ‘cause we’re going to have to blow off our own arm for that since it’s still munching on us like we’re a chew toy,” Dongmin’s voice comes through the speakers too with its usual arrogance despite the heavy breathing.
“Well, do you have a better idea before it finds our generator too and Siren shuts down in the middle of the Japanese Sea?” You huff and Donghyun feels proud as he watches you and Dongmin work together to direct the right robotic arm’s open weaponized palm right to the base of the Kaiju’s neck.
The sound of the blast echoes in the tensely quiet control room until the monitor showing the Kaiju parameters declares it dead and the lifeless body of the Kaiju falls to the bed of the sea next to the victorious Jaeger.
“We did it,” Donghyun hears you say and he can practically see your smile just because of your voice. Relief washes over him as even the Marshal pats him on the shoulder. It seems like his reprimand has been postponed.
“Reset the clock,” the man says and the Kaiju attack counter restarts just as a beeping sound interrupts the cheers.
Your co-pilot calls your name the same moment Donghyun notices that your chart has a blinding red warning on the top of the screen.
By the time Siren Fury is brought back to the base, Donghyun is positively going crazy. Everybody is telling him that you will be alright but it doesn’t help. He can’t calm down until he sees you safe and sound.
But he sees Dongmin first. He looks haggard but okay, unlike you who has to be whisked away to the hospital wing.
“You!” Donghyun points at him accusingly and Dongmin has the nerve to look around as if he could be talking to anybody else. “You should have paid more attention to her. You shouldn’t have let her–”
“You and I both know there’s no such thing as letting her,” the ranger cuts him off and it only adds oil to the fire burning inside Donghyun because he’s talking big about you, acting like he knows you oh so well, which might be true but it still pisses Donghyun off. He’s supposed to be your best friend.
“Still. She shouldn’t have overexerted herself like that,” he says but it only makes the pilot guy cross his arms, unimpressed.
“Tell that to her yourself, maybe she will listen to you.”
Donghyun pouts because he has no good comeback for that and Dongmin gives him a pointed look.
“Dude…”
“What?” He snaps.
The truth is, Donghyun has never really liked Dongmin. At least not since you were paired with him. Personally, he doesn’t have anything against the guy, he is even kind of relieved that your partner is a capable soldier. But the link co-pilots share is almost more intimate than what lovers have. They see each other’s memories and they are in each other’s minds. From the moment you drifted together, the one who knew you the best was no longer Donghyun. So yeah, maybe it’s the bitter feeling of jealousy eating him up every time he looks at Dongmin, so sue him if he glares.
But Dongmin just shakes his head with a sigh as if the interaction already bored him.
“You were her last thought before she fainted. Just saying in case you want to do something about that,” he says with a tilt of his head and walks away, leaving Donghyun in a state of confusion.
Of course, he has to be by your side when you wake up. He feels your fingers twitch in his hand first, then he notices your eyelashes fluttering. Caught red-handed, he moves to pull away but your fingers curl, hooking into his, holding him back. Those damned words from Dongmin echo in his mind as his gaze meets yours.
“Hey,” your voice sounds a bit scratchy and you look a little sick under the unflattering white light of the infirmary but you’re alive. You will be okay. Now, he can finally believe it.
“Hey,” he breathes out, relieved, and even to his ears it sounds sickeningly fond.
Still, he lets himself stare a bit, at the way your cheeks get a healthier color and your hair falls into your eyes when you turn your head. When you push yourself up to sit – because of course you can’t stay still –, he rushes to help you by arranging the pillows and hands you a glass of water for your parched mouth. He briefly wonders whether he should call for a nurse but you don’t give him a chance.
“You saved us,” you speak up with a smile, a little awed and a lot proud. It makes him ridiculously shy, so he just shrugs it off.
“For once. It’s usually you who does the saving,” he says but there’s a small smile in the corner of his mouth.
“My knight in a white lab coat,” you tease and tug at the overcoat he forgot to take off since he left the lab in a hurry before.
“At your service,” he salutes playfully but your laughs fade into silence soon enough. It’s not heavy or uncomfortable, nothing ever is with you but there’s something building there, in the quiet space between you as his nails dig into his pockets. He wants to ask about what Dongmin’s big mouth said, but he has no idea how to bring it up. Not to mention, he’s afraid of what you would say. What if Dongmin was just pranking him?
“Kim Donghyun… I can see you thinking hard. Your forehead is getting all wrinkly,” you point out as you reach up to smooth out the lines with your thumb. Your fingertips are a little rough against his skin from years of training with the combat staff but he doesn’t mind. He mourns the loss of your touch as soon as your hand falls away. “What are you thinking about?”
“Just something stupid your co-pilot said,” he shrugs, playing it off but you tense nevertheless. So there is something to tell, he notes.
“Oh. What did he say?” You ask and he can tell that you’re aiming for casual while planning Dongmin’s demise in your head. So instead of answering directly, he prods further.
“What were you thinking about before you fainted?”
“Oh… I just realised I don’t want to die with regrets,” you shrug, averting your eyes and if his heart wasn’t doing aerobatics against his ribs, he would laugh at the glare you shoot at the heart monitoring machine by your bedside as it shows gradual increase in your pulse.
“And does that include me? Your regrets?”
Donghyun thinks that if aliens can be real, there must be a universe out there in which you love him back the way he wants. He just hopes it’s this one. He’s greedy like that when it comes to you.
“I can’t believe you’re making me do this here,” you huff and this time, he laughs. He’s not making you do anything, he just asked a question like a coward because you have always been the braver out of the two of them. So when you grab him by the collar and yank him closer, his laughter dies on your lips like a Jaeger shutdown. He needs a system reboot to catch on and kiss you back. He slides a hand behind your neck, his thumb caressing your cheek like he has always wanted to do. It makes you smile against his lips.
“No regrets anymore,” you whisper against the seam of his mouth and pull him in more.
That is, until you’re rudely interrupted.
“Yah, let the patient rest! Youngsters these days…” The nurse clicks her tongue but the roll of her eyes is quite doting as she comes to check on the IV dip by your bed. Donghyun’s ears burn as he listens to you negotiate your early discharge and the nurse advises against kissing, but he can’t help smiling when you shoot him secret looks.
A famous ranger once said that there are things you can’t fight unless you’re in a Jaeger. He called them acts of god. Donghyun isn’t so sure if any god has anything to do with it but he knows for sure that he could never fight his feelings for you, Jaegers or not. He tried and failed and he wouldn’t have it any other way, because if he were to die during the next Kaiju attack he would rather have it happen with no regrets too.
END NOTES. i'm currently writing a longer romcom but apparently my brain was like wait, what about something angstier in the meantime? and here we are.
title is from the ruelle song (although work title was acts of god because of the quote but that sounded too religious)
"it’s a matter of pride,” you eventually say, standing up and testing the feeling of being in your shoes - tight, structured, perfect. exactly how you like it.
<CONQUEST OF SPACES>⠀⠀⠀a riwoo x f! reader, figure skating au fic.
COMING SOON.
suggested watching:
[ riwoo: conquest of spaces (kao miura) / rocketman (nathan chen) ]
[ y/n: east of eden (eunsoo lim) / el amor brujo (mai mihara) ]
"it’s a matter of pride,” you eventually say, standing up and testing the feeling of being in your shoes - tight, structured, perfect. exactly how you like it.
<CONQUEST OF SPACES>⠀⠀⠀a riwoo x f! reader, figure skating au fic.
COMING SOON.
suggested watching:
[ riwoo: conquest of spaces (kao miura) / rocketman (nathan chen) ]
[ y/n: east of eden (eunsoo lim) / el amor brujo (mai mihara) ]
i- you sighhhh the fics are so good. all the love and all the likes. genuinely your brain continues to amaze this fandom who will eat and gobble the beauty of ur fics (≧∇≦)/
aww tysm lynn 🥺 i'm glad you like all the stuff i write!!
writer oomfs send me a fic (or two, or three, or four, however many you want!) of yours and i'll make a moodboard for it (it'll be posted on @catbbii)!!
hellooo my junebug, since you're making these gorgeous moodboards for everyone, I have decided to do one for you, and it's probably my favourite ever fic of yours hehe (but it was so hard to pick when spidermyung exists 😭 I love him sm too but taetnyangi has a clutch on my heart)... ofc ofc it's from your persimmons & copper coins. i am not the most aesthetic of ppl but I hope you still like it hehe 💜🧡
AWWWW THANK YOU ROSY you're too sweet :( i love you thank you for doing this!!!! and yes of course you are taetnyangi's biggest fan after all i'm sure he'd be purring from all the attention and belly rubs you'd give him - the black kitty next to taesan is sooo cute i have such bad cuteness aggression i love black cats :(((((
DWDWWWW yes omg i saw that !!! lowk agree i do like the jp ver.... AND TRUEEEEE let woonhak sing ruin my life in the big 2026 (we might get it!! didn't they do never loved this way before for an encore??)
i won't be able to see them live so i hope they don't GRRRRR /j
i also like say cheese!! it's so cute!! i think fadeaway was on their setlist for kov1? but i hope they sing it again hehehe
writer oomfs send me a fic (or two, or three, or four, however many you want!) of yours and i'll make a moodboard for it (it'll be posted on @catbbii)!!
