[yellbug]

in memory of his most iconic popemoment rest in peace frankie baby

[bigasspants]

stop eating gruel with the fools and come eat a leek with a freak

[wokeuplaughing]

your edible is never going to kick in because you're a bad person

[louisegluckpdf]

hate when someone asks how are you and you say good how are you and they say "oh not so great" or something. it's always like ohh okay i see we're being honest i thought we were playing pretend. can i have a do-over

[visenyaism]

Had to ban the phrase “tricky dick” from my classroom during watergate lesson because saying the word dick in front of 30 fifteen year olds is like lighting a bomb and throwing it through the doorway but now they’re just calling him Richard the Treacherous like they’re all medieval peasants. gonna lose it

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

they should make a saluting emoji that looks tired. exhausted even. one that got to the airport at 3:30 AM perhaps. dare I say a saluting emoji that's about to stuck in an overnight layover in dallas. hypothetically!

[what-even-is-thiss]

Why does like every language do things with their R sounds that nobody else understands

[spicychickenfingerings-deactiva]

[sioltach]

Switching between these every day

[vampirejuno]

Watching the mummy 1999 for shits and giggles, thought it'd be fun to bitch abt the inaccurate hieroglyphs now that I know smth abt all that. Disappointed and disgusted to find out that they hired an egyptologist consultant and the hieroglyphs are actually well done. Night ruined

[vampirejuno]

Watching the mummy 1999 for shits and giggles, thought it'd be fun to bitch abt the inaccurate hieroglyphs now that I know smth abt all that. Disappointed and disgusted to find out that they hired an egyptologist consultant and the hieroglyphs are actually well done. Night ruined

[vampirejuno]

Watching the mummy 1999 for shits and giggles, thought it'd be fun to bitch abt the inaccurate hieroglyphs now that I know smth abt all that. Disappointed and disgusted to find out that they hired an egyptologist consultant and the hieroglyphs are actually well done. Night ruined

[vampirejuno]

Watching the mummy 1999 for shits and giggles, thought it'd be fun to bitch abt the inaccurate hieroglyphs now that I know smth abt all that. Disappointed and disgusted to find out that they hired an egyptologist consultant and the hieroglyphs are actually well done. Night ruined

[natalieironside]

When I was little I got lucky enough to develop a taste for reading on my own faster than the public school system could beat it out of me, which caused me to overperform in elementary school, which led all the adults around me to develop the idea that I was some sort of omnicompetent supergenius who didn't experience problems. I had a hell of a time making it through high school b/c I'd be like "Hey, I can't / don't know how to do X Y and Z, can I like get a hand" and the adults would be like "Nooo you're So Smart so clearly you're only having problems because you're Not Trying and Just Don't Care. You being a genius, and all." And I'd be like "Chief, I'm not sold on this whole 'genius' thing. I think I might just be, y'know, regular. Like a regular lady." And they'd be like, "Oh, so you're just Giving Up. Well, we can't help you."

[penandinkprincess]

a shout out to the small baby child today who was demanding liberation from her stroller but who, when asked if she would stay close to mama and not run around acting crazy, paused for a moment to contemplate the question and then answered "prob'ly no"

it cost you your freedom, small child, but i admire your integrity and honesty 😔

[penandinkprincess]

a shout out to the small baby child today who was demanding liberation from her stroller but who, when asked if she would stay close to mama and not run around acting crazy, paused for a moment to contemplate the question and then answered "prob'ly no"

it cost you your freedom, small child, but i admire your integrity and honesty 😔

[larkandkatydid]

My high school history teacher’s wisest advice was that you have to pay attention in history class so that you will understand jokes. And I think of him with righteous fury every time I see people on tumblr thoughtfully trying to explain a joke that requires the audience to have paid attention in history class. Don’t indulge them! Gatekeep the good jokes!