My Dreams Are Wack

I promise I don’t do any drugs...this is me writing down my unfiltered dreams. Think of them what you will.

[my-nightly-hallucinations]

Trigger warning: trauma, kidnapping, rape, trafficking, nightmare, ptsd/cptsd dream

Airport

I’m in an airport sitting at my gate. There are a few people around, but we’re a bit early for the flight. I don’t know where I’m going but I know that I’m in the salt lake airport. I’ve been through here more times than I can count but it’s been a while. They’ve remodeled and I’m disoriented. I’m sitting next to a man. He is large and I can’t look up to see his face. I’m not restrained by anything physically but I know that disobedience will get me hurt. I don’t remember when I was taken, but I’ve been passed around a couple times so I know the routine: head down, follow orders, don’t interact with anyone.

Out of the corner of my eye I see someone I recognize. They were a close friend in college before all of this happened. They’re standing next to the bathrooms, probably waiting for someone. I don’t have much time and I have no plan. I ask the man if I can go to the restroom. That’s normal enough, right? He says yes, and since they’re in eyeshot I can go alone. I am reminded that I will be hurt if I step out of line. I nod and start walking over.

Will they recognize me? I don’t look the same as I did all that time ago. I’ve lost weight, my hair has been cut and dyed, I’m wearing things I never would have on my own volition. I try to make eye contact as I walk into the restroom. Nothing.

I walk in and take a sec to look in the mirror. I don’t even recognize myself. The chances of this working are insanely low. They probably think I just stopped talking to them. Even if they saw me would they be able to or want to help? I set my jaw and decide to try one more time on my way back.

As I walk back out I look for them. They’re walking in my direction, not towards me but close enough to “accidentally” bump into. As they get closer I bump into them and purposely stumble a bit so they’re forced to stop. I grab their shoulder and whisper “it’s *name* please help” I get to my feet and apologize, head down, and walk back to the man. The man who believes he owns me.

Before I get there I feel a hand on my shoulder. I almost jump out of my skin. It’s my friend. They turn me around and I see the recognition on their face. They see me. Not my body, not my uses, not anything else, just me. I can breathe again.

The man sees this. I hear him walking over and hide behind my friend, who puts two and two together and calls to the gate agent for security. The man is stoped and I’m safe in my friend’s arms.

The dream starts over.

[my-nightly-hallucinations]

I met Hayden Christensen at some random place (think grocery store or mall) and we got to talking. Eventually I realize that Hayden was never playing the roll as Anakin, Anakin has been playing the roll of Hayden this whole time. I am talking to Anakin Skywalker and we start making great conversation about pre-clone wars politics and the role that the Jedi had in the downfall of the republic. 

Fast-forward a couple of years and I’m now living with Anakin and we have a perfect life. He is happy and we are the power-couple of the century. 10/10

[my-nightly-hallucinations]

Shipping around

I’m walking through my college town, there’s a decent amount of snow on the ground so it must be around November of December. I’m trying to find my apartment complex, which is weird because I’ve been living there since at least September so I should know where I’m going by now. Eventually my wandering leads me to a dock, also weird cause I go to school in Idaho so there shouldn’t be any ocean near me. At this dock I see someone who looks familiar and I go over to ask if I know them and If they know how I can get back home. When I get closer he turns around and takes my hand to lead me up to a large ship being stacked with shipping containers. He feels trustworthy so I follow him up to the deck where he leads me to an elevator that looks like it should go to the bridge. As I step in he nods in approval and walks away. The doors close and there’s a slight hesitation before going up. There isn’t a panel with floor levels on it anywhere and as soon as I start wondering how that works the doors open and I’m met by someone who looks like my Aunt Lynn but is not Lynn. Not Lynn beckons me forward and puts her arm over my shoulders. She asks me if I know where I am and I tell her I don’t. Immediately her demeanor changes and she starts checking if I’m hurt anywhere. She asks me my name and I tell her. Guiding me back to the elevator she opens the door (or the doors just open) and we walk in. The elevator starts descending and Not Lynn keeps asking me questions about where I should be and if I have any family and if I need any food. I honestly don’t know the answers to any of the questions and tell her that. We get somewhere and the doors open to a view of a mid-sized room with a long table and benches. I can see a doorway leading into what looked like a barracks and another that I assumed was a kitchen or bathroom. She leads me to the table and we sit down. I look to see a plate of food that wasn’t there before. I don’t eat. We start to talk and the feeling of being lost creeps back into my consciousness. I’m confused, but at least I’m not alone. Then people start filling the room, I think its a shift change. There’s too much going on, so many people, loud noises, lots of shoving through and an overwhelming smell (it wasn’t bad, just a lot of one thing). I start to panic and Not Lynn tries her best to help calm me down. I’m sobbing and I start to feel true fear. I look up for a moment and spot the man. I wake up.

[my-nightly-hallucinations]

wtf

I really don’t know where to start this one and I only remember fragments, so bear with me...

There’s a sloping ramp leading down to the water. It might be a bay or an inlet, but all I know is that the water meets the horizon and feels never ending, I’m standing at the end of the ramp near a little shack. Its small and eerie but it feels like it belongs, like the ramp was built for it and not it for the ramp. I take a moment to look around, putting my back to the water. At the other end of the ramp is a larger building, and in front of me is a short wall connecting the larger building to what seems like a taller wall. I walk up the ramp to the larger building and enter through an open archway. Once inside I see only one other exit, a matching archway on the adjacent wall to my right. 

Upon walking through the second archway a large courtyard comes into view. It is somewhat boxed in by buildings I quickly realize form a college campus. Scattered around the green are tables and benches and students milling around. I see my S/O, Chris. Grateful for some familiarity I walk towards them. We hug and start talking. They guide me to a table and right before I sit down I spot one of my best friends, Aaron. He looks different, wearing an artist smock and holding a block of foam covered in paint, it looked like a texture stamp. The biggest difference though was the afro. Aaron has always wanted to grow an afro and its been a running conversation/joke since we were 13 because his dad always made him keep it short. Now I looked at him and the sheer amount of afro seemed almost cartoonish. I nudge Chris to let them know another one of our friends is here and they give me a look of warning, but I know Aaron better than I know myself, so I ignored it and walked over to him. He was standing with some other people who I assumed were classmates or newer friends and they looked like pretty cool people so I didn’t mind being introduced to them. When he caught sight of me, he looked almost offended that I was there. I paused, but kept going after a moment. As soon as I was close enough, Aaron went off on me. He told me that I had been an ungrateful friend and that our friendship was something I only valued when I needed help. He called me a selfish bitch and said things that left me feeling like I had failed his expectations and ruined any chance at redemption I might have had. 

After he walked away I went back to Chris and found them sitting at a table with Tanner and Haley (some more mutual friends). I asked them what happened and they all looked like I was crazy for not remembering. Chris got up, took my hand, and lead me back to the building leading to the ramp. We talked about everything and nothing. I look down the ramp and see that the tide has come in halfway up the small shack at the other end. I give Chris a hug and close my eyes. 

I open my eyes and see that there’s a sloping ramp leading down to the water.

[my-nightly-hallucinations]

my bobblehead

background information: I grew up in Georgia and I go to school in Idaho, I blues and swing dance regularly, and my boyfriend has tourette’s syndrome (his most prominent tic is shaking his head)

So, I’m at school and at a dance with a bunch of my friends. I’m dancing blues with my friend Alex and we’re doing a super great job. The song ends and he goes to escort me off the floor, cause that’s a pretty normal thing to do in the ballroom/swing world, and I look up and see my boyfriend standing in the doorway. This should be impossible because distance is a thing and neither of us are in a place to afford to surprise each other like that. He seems really nervous and I can tell cause he’s ticking pretty badly and Alex sees him and asked me if I know who it is. I say “yeah, he’s my bobblehead” and run and hug him.....the dream starts over.

[my-nightly-hallucinations]

There are koalas...they are on the ground...something doesn’t feel right...they are eating grass...I see a man...he is their employer...the koalas are mowing the lawn

[my-nightly-hallucinations]

Renaissance festival?

So, this was the only section of my dream I remember, but I know the whole dream was going back and forth from weird concept to weird concept but this was the one that, fortunately or unfortunately, I remember.

So, we open the scene with the ending of a fashion show. This show first appears to have been themed around the cultures of the pacific islands, but either I started paying attention more or the theme switched, but by the time I started to understand what was happening I realized that the show was actually themed around the medieval/renaissance royalty and nobles and that I was actually standing in the crowd of what seemed to be modern day spectators, and from my real life experience of working at a Renaissance Festival for seven years I deducted that this must have been some well funded, higher class version of that. So, after this realization, I was suddenly with the cast, who had just finished this fashion show and were getting prepared to do some sort of race on a giant, inflatable, dragon that had a Phineas and Ferb style, impossible, also inflatable racetrack and they were not racing on foot, oh no, but they were racing with these little race cars that were made specifically to be able to have some semblance of traction on this track, to the point of pretty crazy speeds. So this race started and I had the view as if I was in the backseat of one of the cars, although there were no backseats so it was probably just a dream angle…pun intended…that gave me the best vantage point for what my brain deemed worthy for me to see in this scenario. So, we’re going along this track and going up completely vertically and then turning at the top and going down these spirals and then there was a section with a water feature that was almost like stairs and we looped around and over and under this huge dragon multiple times in the course of this fiasco and then the car I was following won and the crowd absolutely lost is and then my dog woke me up.

[my-nightly-hallucinations]

This is how I imagined the track...Think inflatable obstacle course crossed with a larger than life Halloween decoration. If anyone wants to have a go at drawing it, more power to you :) I couldn’t figure out the angle I wanted (also, I’m still figuring out this whole digital art thing) 

[my-nightly-hallucinations]

Renaissance festival?

So, this was the only section of my dream I remember, but I know the whole dream was going back and forth from weird concept to weird concept but this was the one that, fortunately or unfortunately, I remember.

So, we open the scene with the ending of a fashion show. This show first appears to have been themed around the cultures of the pacific islands, but either I started paying attention more or the theme switched, but by the time I started to understand what was happening I realized that the show was actually themed around the medieval/renaissance royalty and nobles and that I was actually standing in the crowd of what seemed to be modern day spectators, and from my real life experience of working at a Renaissance Festival for seven years I deducted that this must have been some well funded, higher class version of that. So, after this realization, I was suddenly with the cast, who had just finished this fashion show and were getting prepared to do some sort of race on a giant, inflatable, dragon that had a Phineas and Ferb style, impossible, also inflatable racetrack and they were not racing on foot, oh no, but they were racing with these little race cars that were made specifically to be able to have some semblance of traction on this track, to the point of pretty crazy speeds. So this race started and I had the view as if I was in the backseat of one of the cars, although there were no backseats so it was probably just a dream angle...pun intended...that gave me the best vantage point for what my brain deemed worthy for me to see in this scenario. So, we’re going along this track and going up completely vertically and then turning at the top and going down these spirals and then there was a section with a water feature that was almost like stairs and we looped around and over and under this huge dragon multiple times in the course of this fiasco and then the car I was following won and the crowd absolutely lost is and then my dog woke me up.

[my-nightly-hallucinations]

This one is reoccurring

Yaaaaay........

So, the people and place change, but the storyline is the same every time. I’m standing with a group of close friends, presumably walking somewhere, and it’s dark. Sometimes midnight sometimes dusk. We’re all happy and laughing and then out of nowhere there comes an aggressive male voice shouting at us. I look around and see a silhouette of a man with a gun, his face is blurred by fog or darkness, I can never tell which one. He’s walking forward. The whole group is backing up except one individual and me. (The individual is always someone that in my actual life is very close to me) I see that said individual is going to try to take one for the team and so I intercede. I step in front of them and shield them with my body, as I look up to confront the man I see that is is someone we know. He has tears cascading down his face and his eyes look frantic. I say his name and a flash of realization crosses his face before being overcome by the latter expression. I start walking towards him and I hold out my hands so as to not be threatening/cause any spit second reactions on his part. I look into his eyes and start talking. I talk about anything and everything, from his family to his future. I tell him that the consequences to this action will be detrimental to his dreams an aspirations. His hand start to shake and he drops the gun. His knees buckle and he starts to sob, I catch him and cry with him. The dream ends.

[my-nightly-hallucinations]

Here we go again

I can’t remember how it started, but I was an intern at the local middle school and had to get there at a decently early hour. Since this was also the middle school I attended when I was younger, the staff already knew me...which was a good thing, but had the potential to be patronizing. So, I was slicing pepperoni for lunch surrounded by all of the staff (felt kinda cult-ish but idk) and my younger brother walks in, which is weird since he is neither attending the school or interning. He’s yelling my name. Something is wrong. He says my name, pauses for a response, and says it again...never ceasing. I realize that reality had started to bleed through. I finally arise with my brother’s voice urgently requesting my presence. The dog has puked. He needs help. it is way too early for any of this. I am awake.

[my-nightly-hallucinations]

Have fun with this

Soo, it started out with a shipwreck on a jungle island with sandy coast and in the deep jungle, there were these rickety stilted buildings remnant of an old civilization but there were only like three or five left standing. And these things were supper tall. Like, I was standing on the beach and there was a little ledge before the vegetation started and the trees were huge, and the buildings were towering over the canopy. And the little ledge along the coastline was about as tall as me and made of this cool black/grey rock but there were some plants overflowing from the jungle onto the beach and covering the wall. Also, the ship that crashed was, in a way, sorta amphibious, but instead of water and land it was water and space. And our crew was wearing red uniforms with grey accents and grey capes. So we all got washed up and started to set up camp. But in a couple of days we're found by some aliens from a different wreck that had been there for at least six months to a year, they never looked the same from scene to scene but somehow I knew that they were the same crew. But yeah, they found us and we started immediately fighting. Like we made spears and they had spears and axes and everyday we would fight and people would die and we would have to burry them. Eventually, we have to unite against the native peoples, who you never actually see, but they have bow and arrows plus spears and axes, so they're long distance killers. And so the aliens build us this makeshift training course out of driftwood, old blankets, and sets of stairs...idk where they came from, but we were running through over and over and over again. Apparently someone in this story I got married to a crew mate and was pregnant, so the aliens were freaking out cause they thought I was just getting fat and they thought asking would break the shaky alliance we had going on and so when I went into labor they all freaked out worse and it was freaking hilarious. But eventually we had to climb up the weird buildings to defeat the natives who have not been seen and so we did and I kept falling cause I'm clumsy as I'll get out and so they made me stand watch as they fought the dudes off and then I woke up.