Eilidh

eilidh/19/scotland left tumblr to avoid bts stans and in the process became a bts stan i apologise

[eggswheretheyshouldntbe]

Thinking about changing my username so I don’t have to post eggs all the time

[badpoetryandwhisky]

Show some commitment

[eggswheretheyshouldntbe]

Haven’t seen much poetry or whiskey from you so I don’t think this is your place to talk

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

Some girl in my class was talking about McDonald’s shamrock shakes and this yeehaw dude in cowboy boots said they suck and then he looked me in the eyes and said “what you’re gonna do is go to Arby’s, and get yourself a mint chocolate chip shake.” And he said it with such authority and certainty that I did so as soon as I got in my car

[fruityogurt]

so many useless bastard moron men talk about how they’re scared of getting screwed over by gold diggers… what they mean is they’re afraid they’ll buy a girl a mcchicken and she decides not to fuck them. this is true facts

[blackshuckofficial-deactivated2]

Dudes with $16 in their bank account be like… what if she’s using me for my money :(

[kookhope]

“the thing I love most about hobi is his bright positive energy… it’s so warm and comforting and contagious, he really is the sunshine on my cloudy days :’)” - @hobies

happy birthday annie! ☀️💛💫💘🌻🌙✨💛🌼🌟☀️💚🌻✨

[serotnin]

how come you only become aware of how tipsy you are in bathrooms

[serotnin]

[normalwizard]

bears have absolutely no right to be as cute as they are. i want to hug them and pet them. big fluffy dogs, supersized

[normalwizard]

this thing is one of the most dangerous predators in north america, is bulletproof, and could kill me in milliseconds without breaking a sweat and just. look at his big ole paws and his big ole nose. his wittle ears. i wuv him

[normalwizard]

human brain: bear will kill you

monkey brain: hehe fluffie

[owlgams]

*monkey brain: bear will kill you

Human brain: hehe fluffie

[jaybarou]

Did they stutter?

[darkestwings]

science: bear will kill you human & monkey brain in unison: hehe fluffyyy

[vagabonds-and-troubadours]

[speciesofleastconcern]

primates are such assholes

[mtfautoandrophile]

it’s so fucked up when you see something you KNOW is a portal to somewhere but you can’t figure out how to activate it. this is the most frustrating feeling that plagues modern man.

[catsuggest]

[gatheringkeepsakes]

I’ve seen this post easily 12 times now and EVERY TIME it’s just a different cat looking at a different door. 

[tonedeafparrot]

[tonedeafparrot]

[tonedeafparrot]

[tonedeafparrot]

[tonedeafparrot]

[tonedeafparrot]

[tonedeafparrot]

[tonedeafparrot]

[uberfluss]

I KNEW IT WAS GONNA BE THE GRAPES

[turing-tested]

wish my brain was into kinky stuff like producing serotonin and dopamine

[ultimatespider]

the pros of reading ao3 fics in public is that their layout is so clean and simple that people would think you’re reading some academic researches when you’re in fact reading a 50k fic. the cons is that you need to control your face all the fucking time

[fuckyeahisawthat]

An additional feature: the layout is clean and simple BUT anyone familiar with AO3 will immediately recognize it. Pro or con? You decide.

[lynati]

If they know it enough to recognize it on sight, they probably aren’t going to be judging me about it.

[smilingstark]

ok but imagine peter not caring about his secret identity anymore and not making any effort to conceal it yet absolutely no one finds out he’s spiderman. peter wears the suit under his pants and a jacket but literally no one notices. he only gets a ‘cool shirt dude’ from a student he doesnt know. he does the iconic spiderman shooting-webs-from-his-hands pose in every single picture. no one says a word. he enters the classroom through the window. just as him, not spiderman. the classroom is on the second floor. no one cares.

[las-lus]

Sounds like college

[ultralaser]

“man that peter guy really likes spider man, i hope he gets to meet him someday”

[stuck-y-together]

John Mulaney’s next bit: I was walking down the carpet at the Oscars and everyone started cheering, I thought I had finally made it. Then I looked around and there was Captian fucking America.

[buckysbrat]

I literally heard that in his voice

[fuschious-deactivated20191012]

My sister just walked into my room, grunted “oil” and promptly collapsed on the floor

[the-german-russian-skinwalker-d]

Fuck she got possessed by america

[yeehawlw]

i can’t stop thinking about that tweet about the guy who tried to stop his cat from pushing his door open and accidentally trained him to push 50lbs instead

[yeehawlw]

he cannot be stopped

[bunjywunjy]

my car is 10 years old and does not have Bluetooth so I just have a USB with Despacito on it that I take everywhere and pop in whenever I’m feeling really dramatic

[bunjywunjy]

this is completely unconnected to the meme, I just really like Despacito.

[whoooonose]

Treat spiders the way you want to be treated

[foryourhealth]

Killed without hesitation

[marshals-to-dictators]

Why would I inflate a spider

[daco-broman]

I will beat you with a fucking rock

[fdsfjdsfjkf93723679267-deactiva]

isnt it weird that we cant ride any other animals except horses. like if horses weren’t a thing humans would be fucked cause we couldn’t ride any other animals. like riding animals just wouldn’t really be a thing. we should probably be more grateful to horses

[burger-czar-deactivated20180324]

elephants

[fdsfjdsfjkf93723679267-deactiva]

blocked

[toaster-hacker-deactivated20181]

camels

[fdsfjdsfjkf93723679267-deactiva]

extra blocked

[sinfulpercy]

donkeys

[fdsfjdsfjkf93723679267-deactiva]

ultra blocked

[uncertifiedhuman]

that dick

[fdsfjdsfjkf93723679267-deactiva]

… followed