My Beautiful Bleeding Pieces

Bleeding words I don't have the courage to say out loud.https://www.facebook.com/share/1bugxyWMbC/

[mybeautifulbleedingpieces]

summer heat burns

summer heat melts

my inhibitions

now i'm naked

on the floor watching

cigarette smoke rise

into the ceiling

there, it dances,

sways in rapid tempo

if it's a sin, i ask the world

to be forgiving

limbs entangled

morning sweat, dreaming

we end up together

hushed voices, salty tears

summer heat burns

summer heat consumes

passion fast

so here i am running

out of your door

and i'm not looking back

katie, 00:23

[mybeautifulbleedingpieces]

i want you in my poetry—

tan lines, pretty, brown eyes

i want you inked in the pages

of my diary—supple lips

frozen smile, everything

that you are

i want you in the songs that i sing

wandering soul, i want you

come visit my dreams,

escape this world,

dwell in my fantasy

heart, body, and soul,

i want all of you!

your pains,

your chaos,

whatever keeps you up on Friday nights

i am not much of a dreamer

i don't have time to ruin

my life wanting things

i can never have

but i want you

katie, 00:52

[mybeautifulbleedingpieces]

you will find someone, he said

so gently like the fading

sound of his footsteps

opened a door of possibilities

too stunned to speak, i

smiled, sweet like honey, i

smiled, waved my hand

farewell, i will find someone

to fill the void, someone

to silence the noise, someone

to carry me home, someone

who will look me in the eyes,

make love to me, and lie

someone....

the heart is cruel yet i

am willing to fall from grace

for someone to tell me lies,

for someone to kiss me hard

until i bleed, someone

i can call mine, someone

you will find someone, he said

and he keeps on finding me

peeling off layers of my skin each time

to reveal a different version until i

can no longer recognize me

katie, 21:44

[mybeautifulbleedingpieces]

happy mother's day to me

not because i gave birth

to my own lovely humans

but because i had to

re-mother parts of me

that were not raised

as gently,

as lovingly

as the child in me

needed

katie, 01:04

[mybeautifulbleedingpieces]

my hands remember moments,

tears silently shed,

prayers lifted up to the heavens

unpolished surfaces touched,

wounds caressed

and time kissing them shut

they remember how your skin quivered,

temperature rising, a gasp

a name escaping your lips—

not mine but someone else's

breaking me, burying me alive!

my hands refuse to forget

everything they've been through

and with my mind,

they travel down memory lane

back to the blood,

to the coarse writing paper,

to the wine spilled on my coffee table

things i have been trying hard

to forget just start floating

in my head, endless bubbles

of nostalgia and torture

the poetry i wrote for you,

the songs, the busy calendar,

the goodbye letters, the hurt,

they all come back in ripples

that i could not hide

from the madness,

the sudden surge of euphoria,

the long night of mourning,

the stains of yesterday!

katie, 23:31

[mybeautifulbleedingpieces]

i am the "figure it out yourself"

the "dry your tears up", the "muster

your courage" daughter

who was used to being left alone

to navigate her pains and fears

never complained, never questioned

why she needed to grow up

sooner than her peers

to the world, i was just a child

who needed protection,

needed warmth and comfort,

needed to be mothered

but to you, i was the "up to no good",

the "ungrateful", the "won't make it

on her own" daughter

because i put up boundaries

your adult ego refused

to respect

-katie, 20:31

[mybeautifulbleedingpieces]

you call me day and night

keep me posted

share some news,

send some reels

i can laugh at

friendly messages

here and there—

no, we're not flirting

this is how we always acted

welcome to the dark side

where we bleed on our shirts,

tie bombs to our feet,

jump from the rooftop,

and die from the fall

stare directly at the sun

bones broken beyond repair

mumble pained words of goodbye

we're not leaving

welcome to the dark side

where everything is a game

my heart is in tatters but i'm fine

as long as i'm breathing,

slouching next to you

we fire our shots like pros

out of the pan into the fire

fall to our deaths again

no one's complaining

blood in our lips,

wounds all over our body

i hope it's worth it

-dark side,

katie

[mybeautifulbleedingpieces]

just for tonight, let me be perfect

forget the vision of me in your head

that chaotic storm of black curls

framing a face devoid of color,

and warmth, and dreams

erase it from your memories

and let tonight be the fantasy

you deserve to come true

let me be your muse,

paint me in burning crimson

and azure, and black, and magenta

recreate me in whatever form

you please, let me be

the gentle fingers tracing

the length of your body

as you gasp for air, let me

breathe you in until you explode

in ecstasy, let me

silence the noise thundering

in your head, chase away

the monsters crawling on your bed

just for tonight, let me be

your calm, your refuge, your home

because tomorrow,

fate will be cruel to us again

maim us,

separate us,

there'll be no concept of us again

so love me while you can

forget that i am not yours,

and you belong to someone else

-katie

[mybeautifulbleedingpieces]

We both got what we wanted.

Except each other.

-katie

[mybeautifulbleedingpieces]

life has become more

meaningful, sweeter

when i realized how

each new year leads

me closer to my doom

-katie

[mybeautifulbleedingpieces]

my greatest ghost

is the version of you

that i created

in my head

that charming

person that gets me,

knows how to kiss

the parts that hurts,

loves me in my darkest,

understands my silence

better than my screams

darling, it maims me

that no matter

how you try,

you will never

ever come close

to such a dear,

selfless creature

-katie

[mybeautifulbleedingpieces]

tired of losing, i changed

my name to discontent

moping around, grieving

the version of me that died

filling every space

with brokenness

as i shrink to fit circumstances

i never dreamed to be in

it is not a lack of wisdom,

or a refusal to count my blessings

i have been counting the lessons

scared out of my wits,

swallowing every what ifs

trying to convince myself

there is something in store for me

so my suicidal thoughts won't win

i am discontent, desolate

i abhor my existence

my sadness has no cure

it's a cancer that has metastasized

eating my brain, consuming

me alive! i am exhausted

i want a way out

a space to breathe,

a time to quiet my mind,

and perhaps, a reason to believe

this too shall pass

-katie

[mybeautifulbleedingpieces]

i still think about us sometimes

what could have happened

if we tried to make it work,

tried to go against fate,

tried to follow our wishes

but we were never the kind

of people who rebel

we were too scared

of the repercussions

yet looking at how everything

turned out, i could not help

but wonder what could

have happened if we disobeyed?

could you have loved me deeper,

admired my carefree nature?

war may have changed

the way i perceive the world

but it didn't take away

the warmth i always feel

whenever i remember you

i hope you think of us too, love,

on the other side

-katie

[mybeautifulbleedingpieces]

look at the lines drawn

on the palm of your hands

do they lie about your destiny?

do they specifically

tell you you've lost

against the winds

of time, it's the will

of the gods to have you crumbling

wave after wave

anxiety feeds on your fears

do you dread being left alone?

here you scream

no one will hear a sound

melancholy creeps

a disease weakening

your system

do you fight?

do you linger

where everything is black?

look at the lines again

do they show you

what they must?

or it is just your mind

that plays these tricks

that make you question

your reality?

so you don't know what's real anymore!

-katie

[mybeautifulbleedingpieces]

death is a very thin line

separating

my beating

heart from yours

death is a curtain

falling,

concluding

a show

death, there isn't much

to say about it, i'm afraid

for even if it took the light

from your eyes,

you're still

just a breath away

from me

this closeness, darling

haunts me

more than any

ghostly apparition

will ever do

-katie

[mybeautifulbleedingpieces]

if history had only

touched me

in places

where i craved

warmth

and humanity,

i should have put

the bottle down,

found some other

way to drown

my sadness

if history had only

kissed me

in places

where i hurt,

i should have learned

to mother me,

raised a warrior

who is brave

enough to walk away

-katie

[mybeautifulbleedingpieces]

my mother's rage runs

in my veins

i let it own me

in clenched fists

a volcano awaiting explosion

it's my heirloom

the thing that ties

me to her

fierce, wanton

it commands me

with a sharp tongue

and lovingly,

i follow the screams,

the bloodstains,

the footsteps before me

like trusted compass

years of misfortune

had turned my mother

cold, obdurate

that i can hardly remember

how warm she had felt

when she last held me

but like every clueless daughter

whose loyalty is blind

and unmatched

i hold myself accountable

for my mother's rage

and all the heartbreaks

it caused me

-katie