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jadedownthedrain

oceans-foundfamily

Making my little sister identify random Star Trek characters:

White Bread:

“If the computer ever doesn’t work, he sticks his finger in the socket and becomes the computer.”

“He hasn’t been outside in like, 80 years.”

“He cuts his own hair.”

Charles Xavier:

“He’s Captain Kirk’s father.”

“He comes onto the ship only for parent observation day, and he enjoys a good doughnut.”

Banana:

“He chose his name based on the color of his shirt. When you join the space, they let you pick a new name.”

“He works in the cafeteria, but everybody hates it because he only serves bananas.”

(This child has watched the original series. I don’t understand.)

Martha John:

“She used to be a nun, but she liked the space life instead, so she quit the sisterhood and joined the space.”

“White Bread cuts her hair too, with computer-like precision.”

“She hosts the ship’s karaoke party every Friday, and always opens with ‘My Heart Will Go On’.”

Darren:

“He’s the head of weapons” (said after I insisted that the ship has to have people with practical skills and not just party organizers.)

“When he joined, everyone thought he was so pretty they put his picture up everywhere.”

“He studies aliens but only the little ones.”

Winkle:

“They rescued Winkle from a bacon farm.”

“They give him a spray tan when he feels sad.”

“His job on the ship is he’s an emotional support animal, but he’s also a man.”

Sansha:

“What’s on her head?”

“Okay she studies space bugs, but when she flies around in space her visit only covers part of her face, so there’s bug debris.”

“She doesn’t like Winkle because he’s not a bug.”

“First name: He. Last name: Hears”

“He’s the professional ‘spakeup artist’ (space makeup artist). His job is to make them all look good.”

“Ears are in style right now.”

“His eyeshadow is on fleek.”

Dan:

“Just an ordinary man.”

“His part-time job is fixing the ship’s engines. His full-time job is being a footrest. He sits down and lets people rest their feet on him.”

“They’re not sure he’s human but don’t question him because he might have a deeper power.”

Lieclops:

“He lies.”

“He’s in charge of alien communications because he speaks a bunch of languages, but he only knows how to lie.”

“He has no eyes, only lies. That’s his motto. ‘All lies, no eyes’.”

momo-de-avis

I fucking hate James Tissot’s paintings because in ALL OF THEM there is ALWAYS someone staring right at you, but it’s not always immediately visible. You just feel watched by this mf. Sometimes the little shit is right there at the centre, but others the bastard is just gazing from the distance, it is CREEPY, my guys

momo-de-avis

STOP STARING AT ME, THIS IS DISCONCERTING AS FUCK

filthybonnet

I think this is hilarious. We’ve been caught.

sheherzog

oceans-foundfamily

Making my little sister identify random Star Trek characters (part 2)

Admiral Locust:

“He’s won fifty different space awards.”

“He steals bagels from the cafeteria, but then he blames it on the space aliens.”

Her: “His occupation is the substitute captain.” Me: “But isn’t he an admiral?” Her: “His first name is Admiral.”

*gasp* “That’s Whoopi Goldberg!”:

“She designs the season’s hottest looks for the crew. She’s a talented fashion designer.”

“Ever wonder why the redshirts die? It’s because she puts stuff in the red shirts to kill them. She only gives red shirts to people she doesn’t like.”

“She attended Space Julliard.”

Mungus:

“He doesn’t have a lot of friends, but his favorite TV show is Friends.”

“He’s just a happy man. He doesn’t have a job on the ship. He just walks around.”

(She started to mention something about hosting karaoke nights again. She’s really convinced that every crew has someone who hosts karaoke nights.)

Dimitria:

“There used to only be red shirts and yellow shirts and green shirts, but she invented black shirts because she’s goth.”

“She handles the computers because her right eye is a computer. She lost it in the war, and they were going to give her a real one, but she wanted a computer.”

“She’s actually from Mississippi but doesn’t tell anyone because it doesn’t sound cool.”

Borszhof:

“Oh yeah he works for Russia.”

“Once he swallowed an apple seed, and that’s why there’s a tree growing in his head.”

“He’s actually an admiral.”

“He keeps trying to get the crew to buy him a jet pack because he really wants one.”

Mark:

“If you’re blue, you’re part of the ocean division. That means that when everyone else gets off on the alien planet to look at wildlife, you go swimming.”

Me: “What does he do on the ship?” Her: “The best thing he can do for everyone is stay out of the way.”

“He’s very clumsy, but he’s good at making apple pie.”

“His favorite musical is Waitress. He’s just a nice, homely man.”

“There’s Mr. Spock finally”:

“He’s the master of the pinch.”

“His favorite show is Star Trek.”

“He’s also part of the ocean division, and his job is to look after Mark.”

“Nobody likes him very much from what I remember. He’s kind of a stick-in-the-mud.”

“THAAAAT’S the captain”:

“He wears a yellow shirt because he’s so extra.”

“Want to know why his skin is so glowing and beautiful? If he doesn’t feel like coming to work, he takes a self-care day. He owns a massage roller.”

“He won the Miss Georgia pageant on account of his glowing skin.”

Me (trying to get more info): “Describe his relationship to some of the other characters.” Her: “Spock.” *refuses to elaborate*

Rodney:

“Rodney isn’t actually part of the crew. He just showed up one day. Their crew is so big they can’t tell anyone apart anymore.”

“When you apply to be a member of the Enterprise, you’re supposed to bring a headshot, but he brought his mugshot, but it’s good that he did because they found out his height, which is 8’3”.”

“He has a personal rock tumbler. He doesn’t put rocks in there anymore so no one knows what’s in there.“

“He speaks fifty languages but none of them are the right ones.”

“Wait, is that Benedict Cumberbatch?”

Brian Shwartz:

“He’s from the same planet as Borszhof, but he didn’t swallow a tree so his head is fine and he’s a normal man.”

“There’s a specific dress code on the Enterprise but he doesn’t follow it, because he owns better clothes.”

“His most prized possession is a wand that he bought when he went to Space Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Everyone else has special space scooters, but he made his look like a broom so he can live his Harry Potter fantasy. He’s been trying to get Spock to read the Harry Potter series, but he won’t.”

“His official job is to interpret that panel of blinking green lights behind him that only he can understand.”

utilitycaster

D&D spells named for the wizard who developed them nearly always take the form of <developer’s name><adjective><noun>, eg: Otto’s Irresistible Dance.

Therefore, Mike’s Hard Lemonade is a wizard spell. In this essay I will

khangi

One of the most interesting things I’ve noticed about non-natives appropriating our stuff is they never want anything but sage, smudging, and feathers.

Native people will share: our food, our music, our dancing, our art.

But no one is interested in those. They don’t CARE about our food and music. We never see those things in popular culture. Non-natives just want to take our religious items, because they feel entitled to the things people don’t want to share.

accidental-wedgie-deactivated20

A Tribe Called Red (techno Native beats):

Taboo #noDAPL protest music (Native Hip Hop):

Supaman (Prayer loop song, Rap)

Check em out. Add on. Support Native Artists. Spread the love y'all

khangi

Good musical options. 🙌🏼

graffiti-bi

Snotty nose rez kids (hip hop) + Drezus (rap)

Blackfoot (rock)

Blackfire (punk/rock)

lesbianladyeboshi

Silla+Rise (Throat singing blended with spacey electro beats)

Kelly Fraser (Pop)

T-Rhyme (Hip Hop)

Piqsiq (Throat Singing Electro)

Tanya Tagaq (Avant Guard, Punk, throat singer)

Iskwè (Pop/Electronic)

And the iconic Buffy Sainte Marie (Folk/Rock/Electronic)

alecsgrg

foofoocuddlypuups

zohbugg

okay but where is the full EP because this SLAAAAAPS

joshuu-nutboi-higashikata-deact

neurospicybirb

Fun fact! Water actually turns “blood red” when it is contaminated by sulfur creating sulfuric acid. And scientists have discovered that around the time of the plagues a volcano went off that disturbed Egypt’s environment. So the plagues are scientifically proven. The other parts of the plagues are explained by the sulfuric acid river making the animals leave the river and escaping into the human population.

vampiregirl2345

WHY DIDNT ANYONE TELL ME THE PLAGUES WERE PROVEN

kvothe-kingkiller

if anyone wants a full list heres how they happened:

basically they all stem from a massive eruption of a volcano on the island of santorini off the coast of greece. the ash then floated over to egypt which kickstarted the plagues

1) blood: the ash carried the mineral cinnabar, which has the capability of turning water red

2) frogs: the ash also had many toxic and acidic substances so naturally, all the frogs are gonna flee the river

3) lice: given what was going on insects would have burrowed into dead animals/peoples skin and laid eggs, which then hatched

4) beasts: everything is getting poisoned from the ash and toxins, causing animals to freak the fuck out/die

5) pestilence: toxins again

6) boils: the ash would have caused storms that carried acid rain which when it fell, would irritate peoples skin causing boils

7) hail: the storm again

8) locusts: again with the insects and the amount of dead bodies and such which attract more insects. a lotta insects basically.

9) darkness: the ash covered the sky, blocking out the sun

10) slaying of the first born: given that children’s bodies were found in higher numbers than others, some archeologists think they may have been sacrificed to stop all the destruction, but they aren’t 100% sure about that. this is just me but I would say another possibility is that babies/kids are a lot more susceptible to toxins and shit, so while an adult may have been fine or gotten a bit sick, it might have been very dangerous/deadly for kids or babies

the volcano would also attest for the parting of the sea weirdly enough. the red sea was in fact the ‘reed’ sea, and was very shallow, probably waist deep or so. given the amount of shit dumped into the ocean from the volcano, this wouldve caused a tsunami to head towards egypt. the water would get sucked out from the reed sea right before the tsunami hit, letting people pass it easily, then the actual tsunami would hit, fuckin up anyone who tried to follow.

another theory is that the red water was caused by algae, which would cause the frogs and stuff to jump out as well. the algae also carried substances toxic to animals so if they ingested any they’d get sick and die, so more insects. in this theory there was a sand storm coincidentally that caused the rest

some sources: X X

wigmund

The volcano wasn’t ON Santorini - it WAS Santorini, then called Thera. It completely blew away the Minoan settlements on the island and was one of the largest eruptions in human history.

The tsunamis from the Theran eruption devastated Crete, weakening the then-powerful Minoan civilization, leaving them open to being invaded by the Mycenaeans.

The volcanic winter it created devastated crops in China leading to the fall of the Xia Dynasty.

The abrupt and catastrophic loss of the people of Thera may have also inspired the myths about Atlantis.

orville-redenbacher-space-hero

this is blowing my fucking mind

dsxsbx

Point Reyes, CA // Kendall Plant

bryankonietzko

Before I get to the crux of this statement, I would like to make it clear that I am very aware and appreciative of the fact that I am in an exceedingly fortunate position, and that the following issues are indeed good problems to have — even more so now that we are in the grips of a global pandemic and a cratering economy which have left millions unemployed. With that crucial context, here is the big news from my little world.

Michael DiMartino and I recently chose to leave Netflix’s live-action adaptation of Avatar: The Last Airbender, the series he and I created together in 2002. We will have no involvement in the project moving forward. This is probably the most difficult decision I have ever made. But there is no doubt in my mind it was absolutely the right choice.

Keep reading

thecollectibles

Art by Karel D'Huyvetter

themoonknewmysoul-deactivated20

crow--teeth-side

homestucky

sirfrogsworth

Note: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez graduated Cum Laude from Boston University.

freelancer-stormscorpion

Wasn’t she working as a bar tender before she got elected?

sirfrogsworth

Folks on the right always seem very concerned that AOC was a bartender. They ignore her prestigious education and the fact that she graduated with distinction. They ignore that she has relevant degrees. And they ignore that she worked for the nonprofit National Hispanic Institute gaining relevant experience in activism.

I’ve also noticed that conservatives constantly complain about “elites.” They propped up “Joe Six Pack” because they felt too many lawmakers were out of touch and they wanted people who understood the common folk. Blue collar workers are the heart and soul of America, right?

Did you know that nearly half of congress is filled with lawyers? And the rest are mostly businessmen. What do lawyers know about my life? What do lawyers know about struggling to pay bills? What do lawyers know about what it’s like to hold a low wage job? How are they supposed to represent me and my needs?

Do you know why AOC worked as a bartender? Her father died and her mother’s jobs as a house cleaner and bus driver were not enough to fight foreclosure. So Alexandria put her career ambitions on hold and got a job as a bartender to help her mom. Conservatives are all about “family values” right? AOC valued her family so much that she worked a grueling job out of love for her mom.

And you want to trivialize that?

AOC knows my struggle more than Mitch McConnell and Donald Trump. I have confidence that AOC will represent me and my family’s needs more so than any lawyer or businessman who is just looking to enrich themselves.

Maybe we need a few more bartenders and a few less lawyers.