It Takes All Forms

This is a second blog just for my mental health and personal thoughts. My original blog is bitemebloody.tumblr.com.

[likeafantasy]

[johnnyblaze64-deactivated202306]

[radical-revolution]

[myloveandmind]

Where to even begin. It's been several months since I was on here to describe my life, but I suppose I can begin with the beginning...

My lover moved to Nebraska for work and a 6-figure paycheck, who can blame him? I definitely wasn't happy that he was looking at other women and being blatant about it while in my bed, but what does one do when you knew he wasn't invested. I got invested, but that's my fault. We're still friendly, but haven't slept together in months because I don't want to....which beings me to my next point.

The strangeness began the end of 2022 though, when my ex (L) and I became much, much closer. We never quit speaking as friends of course, but it got deeper again. I saw how much it bothered him that I kept on with a man that didn't love me. We fought, we cried, we came to terms and let's just say in the last month, we have begun dating again. Slower of course. He's 4 hours away so this is a test on our fortitude. We truly did "step right back into the good times" as he said. But even better. We've been going on true dates. We've been taking time to just....cuddle each other and be affectionate. I knew not all was lost with him, but it took time. We admitted to both doing things out of spite. I slept with my lover originally because I wanted a one night stand to feel something. He then slept with the psycho that broke bones and drained bank accounts to get me back out of spite. She also stalked me, but that's a different story I think I've told before.

I've been to and quit therapy again....my drinking is slightly better and WAY better when L is around. There's something about being with your person than makes everything better. I do struggle with my size and weight gain, but he's very adamant that I am quite lovely and deserve goodness and kisses and great orgasms for eternity. It's like being in the honeymoon phase all over again, but...better. Our communication is better, deeper, and more resolving. He has severe trust issues, and I have severe anxiety and anger. We are both working on ourselves, and I pray that my person will continue to be my person. ❤️

[inthetags]

Reblog and put in the tags a "weird" or unconventional feature you find attractive (eye bags, acne, crooked teeth, etc).

[gh0vlz-deactivated20221002-deac]

[myloveandmind]

My level of nihilism is extreme lately. My country is a flaming shit show, my meds and alcoholism keeps me steadily fat and numb, and I have a man to fuck but not to love. I hate...I hate so much.

[eyeofscottie]

[bled]

artwork by paul w ruiz

[tendermimi]

— Ocean Vuong, Reasons for Staying

[heavyrain-dc]

“Accept how you feel but don’t let feelings rule you. You are in control. You are not their slave.”

— Unknown

[996655]

I don't have "trust" issues. I have "I've see this before and I know how it ends" issues.

[zegalba]

Stella Asia Consonni

[myloveandmind]

These images stopped my scrolling. An excellent representation for how my brain is feeling this week. It just been weird, and idk where to turn. I should go back to therapy....but for what? So we can discuss the same three things that I just should get the fuck over? Remind myself that I'm not doing what enriches me as a person, just the bare minimum to survive and deal?

The world is dying and I cannot bring myself to put in effort for my mental health, when oligarchs and billionaires are constantly debating how a war would help them. We're going to war. I feel it. I just don't know how or when. The constant gnawing anxiety of everyday life is killing me. My medicine has been doubled, and I still don't feel like I should. I just wish to sleep all day every day.

[igmakeup]

[the-sadboy-diaries]

Xx

[whitepeopletwitter]

When you have a wholesome man!

[hsdufhuisadfhack-edss-deactivat]

[onflare]