don’t bottle it in. seriously, that’s one of the worst things you could do right now. because bottling it in and not allowing yourself to feel your grief, in whatever manner feeling it is best for you, can seriously mess you up later on down the line. if you wanna cry, just let it out. if you wanna scream and shout, grab and pillow or stuffed animal or something to muffle it (so you don’t scare the neighbors) and just LET. IT. OUT.
That said, try if you can to take a break and have some tea, or crackers, or just something in your belly. preferably something comforting, like your favorite comfort food or a nice hot soothing drink. even if you don’t want to, just a little nibble or sip. that way, your body doesn’t go into survival mode because it gets confused by all the emotions going on.
whatever you belief (I believe you’ve said before that you are Catholic?) pray. Talk to your God and seek comfort that your friend is now safe and without suffering. Take comfort in the fact that it was sudden. (I know that’s hard to do, but sometimes it does help to remind ourselves that those we love may be gone, but the manner is/was such that they did not/do not suffer through it.)
And know that no matter what others say, there is no time limit on grief. For some it’s only a few months. For others it takes years to work through it. And some never manage to cope fully with it. However this works out for you, don’t let other people tell you when it’s time to stop grieving. Only you will know when or if that moment has or will come.
I don’t know if you write, or sing, or draw, or whatever your personal creative outlet is, but this is also a good way to work through your emotions. One of my college professors used to call it “Emotional Vomit” because often after finishing whatever project it was, the artist often felt just a little bit better, having thrown all of their emotions and feelings into the project and/or piece.
Also, at least in the early stages of grief, a grief support group might be helpful. If there’s no local ones, I know it’s easy enough to find on on Facebook, or online forums. Your local churches, be they Catholic or protestant, may have groups as well. You can also ask to speak with your local priest for any spiritual guidance and comfort you need to help you cope and deal with this.
And lastly, please do try your best to take care of yourself while you work through this dark time. It is so easy to lose oneself to depression in times like these, and to find yourself trapped by grief and guilt over “what might have been” and “what can’t be”. The important thing is that you are still here on planet Earth, and so long as you are here you need to care for yourself in order to carry your loved one’s memory and share it with others. Be it funny tales to help lighten someone’s mood, or times you and your friend may have gotten in trouble together as a warning to someone else not to go through with whatever foolish thing. So long as you take care of yourself, you carry your friend with you in your heart and in your thoughts, and they are still with you always.
I hope, I really truly do hope that at least some of what I’ve said you find comforting or helpful. And you are welcome to message me in my ask for private messages if you want. I’ve lost family to wrecks in recent years, and even if I have no advice or responses, I do understand the sudden shock. And I do understand the grief. I’ve got an open askbox. Please consider it a shoulder to lean on or an ear to vent to.
