Hermit Life

This is my mind, my truth, my reality, and my regular obsession based posts ^.^

[anexperimentallife]

[mynameismikaelasweets]

I'm back

[wallisninety-six]

Today’s Sunday.

[sixshotstothedome-deactivated20]

you have to rb this on a sunday every time u see this on ur dash

[flashsparkles2]

Today’s Sunday

[godmybackhurts]

Today’s Sunday

[fembutchboygirl]

It’s sunday, baby

[mynameismikaelasweets]

today’s sunday

[mynameismikaelasweets]

I’m not feeling well

mentally..... and probably physically

[mynameismikaelasweets]

the lost hours

Sometimes I forget that I’m awake, alone in the in-between hours. when you’re all asleep, passed out, browning out or ignoring the internet. it’s those hours that I reflect and realize maybe I just suck. I missed you tumblr because u listen by not listening. u suck like I do. 

[mynameismikaelasweets]

void

the void is my friend the void won’t let me down and I can’t let it down the void has my back and doesn’t make me think that I’m unloveable because the void feels nothing the void is opposite of me the void is the me I want to be I wish I felt nothing because all this I feel is literally killing me the void should be my friend yet it makes me feel worse the void should be all I have because it makes me feel something. I sometimes want to join the void because that’s what I feel like I am. a void

[assignedmale]

[mynameismikaelasweets]

I’m back and I missed you

Hey, Tumblr I missed u and the safety u provided me once upon a time, being somehow so far removed from the world of “traditional social media.” Funny how those words in that order mean so damn much, whilst simultaneously meaning nothing to most.

 I missed writing my thoughts out, here, and feeling like I am invisible, but still somehow had a voice. 

Not that I would consider myself seen now, as I once was, but at least I am getting it out.

Why did I come back to u; u ask?

it’s because I'm married now and I’m trying to be the best partner I can be. Having found solace in my identity; finally;  as well as my self-perceived downfalls and boons, as it were, also because of my instabilities; I find myself, once again; in a mindset where I am acutely aware of myself and others. Especially in the realm of “feelings.” 

I’m hoping to find a place, of sense of self, where I can express my mental state and feelings by revisiting a “sense of self” that I had when I was once “learning” myself.

Suffice it to say, I’m learning even more about myself, and with the utmost sincerity, I’m trying my hand in not being an asshole. I feel I'm in a situation where I feel like I am all the time, because I feel like I just don’t get it

but hey I’m working on it....

I think I’ll take up writing poetry and short stories again.

the new adventures provide me with a new perspective provides new material

I’m not sad all the time now I found that one i used to write about based off others. I feel like for once in a long time I have a reason.

I hope one day to turn this into vows.

also I wanna be a writer again.

that was a lot but hey tumblr I’m back and I missed you

[mynameismikaelasweets]

I always post here.... (Continue)

Because it's easier sometimes to talk to strangers. I have a hard time on the regular, talking to people that are around me because I feel like no one is really listening to what I'm saying and how I'm feeling. I'm lost, alone, hurting mentally and physically. I'm sad because, and I feel unreal so much so that I look in the mirror at myself at most 3 times a week and more often than not only once. I hate what I see but I keep pressing on because I try and believe that someone needs me to vent to them and to vent to me. Sometimes I just want someone to let me cry and be broken for a second so that the armor I got don't break from stress. And I feel like I might soon and I will die when I do.

[mynameismikaelasweets]

suffocating

I feel like I’m literally missing a piece of my body (top dysphoria) my chest literally feel like it’s concave. Not to mention the stress is fucking with my anxiety so bad that I feel like I can’t breathe, like my chest hurts and my back hurtss from trying to take in air but I gotta keep it to my self. gotta keep the brave face on.

[mynameismikaelasweets]

Miami-Dade rejects proposals for gay cure ban after hours of debate do you know what conversion therapy is?

[mynameismikaelasweets]

(via US Justice Department reverses policy that protected trans people from workplace discrimination) seriously just sliing back into the past.... ugh #translife

[mynameismikaelasweets]

I live but sometimes I wish i didn't.... It's ok i will still live.

[mynameismikaelasweets]

Vlog vid #3 NDK pt1 omg only took all gall darn day. but it’s done at least pt 1 ^.^ enjoy!!!!!

[mynameismikaelasweets]

Simple dinner for the night steak mac and cheese and greenbeans. Yum yum

[mynameismikaelasweets]

Took 5 hours to get this right and now 4.5 to render the damn vid.

No spoilers and don't mind the cut shit happens.

[tastefullyoffensive]

[flavoracle]

I keep laughing WAY too hard at this.

People are starting to ask questions.

[mynameismikaelasweets]

when I’m sick, I scroll though tumblr...... don’t judge me.

[pr1nceshawn]

Living Alone by Yaoyao Ma Van As.