My Office Douche

I worked in an office where I was surrounded by douches. This is what I was subjected to every day. Every. Day...

[myofficedouches]

OfficeDouche: Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.

[myofficedouches]

You First

OfficeDouche: Bend over and spell "RUN"

[myofficedouches]

OfficeDouche: For everything sad there's a Taylor Swift song.

[myofficedouches]

Water Cooler Debate

OfficeDouche: Who has the worst job - toilet paper or tampons?

[myofficedouches]

OfficeDouche: My phone doesn't need another camera. It needs to be waterproof.

[myofficedouches]

OfficeDouche: High fiving yourself is just clapping.

[myofficedouches]

OfficeDouche: So Washington is a city AND a state?

[myofficedouches]

"So Spiritual, Brah"

OfficeDouche: When I die, I want to come back as sand. So I can still get into girls pants.

[myofficedouches]

OfficeDouche: Age is just a number, and jail is just a room.

[myofficedouches]

[myofficedouches]

OfficeDouche: Words can hurt if I throw a dictionary at your face.

[myofficedouches]

OfficeDouche: Not that I'm complaining, but how do models sell clothes without wearing any?

[myofficedouches]

Actually Cool

OfficeDouche: Google Translate should have a "Shakespeare" option

[myofficedouches]

[myofficedouches]

OfficeDouche: Push-up bras are like a bag of chips. Open them up and they're half empty.

[myofficedouches]

OfficeDouche: Urkel fashion. The original hipster.

[myofficedouches]

OfficeDouche: If I were ugly, I'd have to work out more.