my open sores

you don't need to know me, i just want you to know my story

[myopensores]

I figured out that my boyfriends dad cheated on his wife.

I came to this conclusion when we were in his dads car and I stumbled upon some condoms. I took one out to look at the brand to see if they were my bf's  but they wern't.

They also wern't his brother. i found the entire situation awkward and funny. I thought of how weird it would be if I found condoms in my parents car. 

But then it hit me. His mom has been out of the country for over 8 months. There was some stuff going on, but I never got to find out about the details. All at once I felt like a bitch. These were not old condoms. My boyfriend has been taking his parents situation pretty tough, he doesn't even want to tell me what is going on. I can only assume. I feel like such a bitch- cuz I confirmed it for him. I saw his heart break.

I def. will not be telling his brother. Even though they all act so tough.

[myopensores]

the routine is starting

and we are stopping to do fun things like be "late to work cuz we were too busy cuddling and kissing eachothers noses"

hm

[myopensores]

less than 24 hours

omg

[myopensores]

he went on a trip

its only 10 days- barely a blink of an eye when looking at a lifetime.

but i feel so sad already, and he only just left last night

there is this feeling that i am missing something significant- like an arm and a leg. and it's one of those not like i lost a leg in combat and had months to take it in an adjust feeling, but like the i had it yesterday and today its gone and now i cant do anything

my heart feels like there is tension in it, like its holding it breath- and it has been doing it since last night

it was so weird too, because ive never dropped someone off at the airport- and when my parents drop me off we make sure to spend every last second possible together. i'll only just go through security when the plane has already started boarding, and here it was like pull up- they hop out of the car and that's it

[myopensores]

i feel like a pet parakeet

beautiful, colorful and seemingly happy. Yet anyone that owns one knows that it needs a friend or it becomes sad. therefore you have a pair of them. always together, very codependent. take one out of the room, and it becomes noisy as they call out to each other. 

but to maintain such beauty indoor you must also clip their wings. even though they are already inside the house. now you can open up their cage and they cant go anywhere. they can flutter and huver for seconds at a time but they can not leave. 

and that is how i feel. first i was introduced and became codependent. you dont really notice at first because its new and warm, and like nothing youve ever done. but as soon as you become comfortable and can handle time apart, they clip your wings.

[wishicouldremember]

#valentinesday #heart #necklace (Taken with instagram)

[myopensores]

when he watches you when he thinks you dont know-

and he has this smirk on face, 

he is proud of you

he cant believe your his

how can someone mean so much to him

he smiles with that protective look, no will hurt you, because no one will ever get close enough to you to be able to, 

you can just tell that you make him the happiest person in the world

so you just let him watch you, but you smile back ;)

[myopensores]

we were in bed.

he was laying in top and patting my hair. 

we were talking about our future.  a future we both are not sure of. we only just started thinking realistically about it. things don't always stay the same. surely people don't. but we talked about a hypothical future 

it was magical- how he talked about a daughter that would look up to me and want to be just like "mommy"  i imagined this beautiful blond angelic 3 year old wearing a light blue cindarella dress her "daddy" got here, twirling and singing in front of the tv i was watching. i would get upset, failing to see the miracle in the whole thing- so she would go to daddy. she would be the apple of his eye, just completely in love with her

I just stared at him, imagining all this as he was talking, and I couldn't wait. i can't wait for our hypothetical future, to be the actual future 

[myopensores]

I'm starting to panic

What if this isn't it? What if it's just something I want that bad? Why I only think I want it? He doesn't have the experience. He is starting to panic. He feels that he might be getting in my way of my big plans, but if dent stand in the way I might realize that he doesn't fit in to that lifestyle. That it's not where he belongs but he wants me and will not risk losing me. But what if he is getting my way of huge success? What if he doesn't fit in? What if I do let him get in my way and I miss out on the opportunity of a lifetime... I'll forever "what if" and say I shouldve I'll blame him if things get too tough for me to handle. What am I supposed to do?

[myopensores]

every moment he's away

i find it hard to breath 

[myopensores]

i'm freaking out- what if I'm pregnant?!

[myopensores]

everyone lies and cheats their wants & needs and still believes their heart. & everyone gets the chills the kind that kills, when the pain begins to start

[myopensores]

I joke around...

with him that I am the pants of the relationship and he laughs and "agrees" or whatever

but i mean lets be serious, im not any more the pants than he is-

thats why his recent behavior to make me feel guilty about not doing something with him or what not is getting under my skin..... like he wants to get in control of something  without blantently doing it, 

like tomorrow we had agreed on going to this bar with a million people for drinks, and then all of a sudden he is saying we are changing plans because his friend is in town and this firend is so God damned awesome  (like i dont care, go and hang out, fuck) and we are going out- all of us.....  UM who the fuck made you in charge???

and then i said i dont even know how my plans are looking since i wasnt planning on driving at all since i live in bumble fuck atm  since my parents are retarded..... whatever, and i told him- guess i wont see you till saturday....and he said.... yeah i figured

YEAH , I FIGURED?!?!?!?!?! are you fucking kidding me???? 

fuck you- my friends from town are going out friday ...... AND SO AM I

[myopensores]

we sat in the car

getting to know eachother

again

just like old times

except now we were 3 years older, and both had someone else....

and we just cant let go, even though we've already moved on

just waiting on the other to make the first move, each not being able to take it

[myopensores]

We are laying in bed together

Naked, letting our pounding hearts slow down. And he runs his hand down my body and says "your body is so beautiful". Thats probably the most powerful time to say that. My confidence has totally gone up. Ugh I am so pathetically in love

[myopensores]

when he tells you that he is just waiting for you to break his heart

[myopensores]

he's not mad at me, his penis is