Expectation Management.
Love Scout Fanfic.
In Episode 8, I was wondering what happened to create those naughty faces when returning to the office. The last we saw, they'd agreed to steal a date in the middle of the work day, and hunt down some coffee and salted buns.
I think it was this conversation, told from poor Ji Yun’s point of view.
—
“Sex.”
He splutters. I watch him drop his coffee on the table. Ice cubes and Americano splash onto the mat. I just keep nibbling on the edge of my mocha salted bun.
“What? We have to do it,” I say. “It’s an important part of being together, right?”
He glances about the coffee shop, his gaze resting on a nearby sofa, then a bench for two.
I chuckle. “I don’t mean now. Later.”
He looks relieved and I feel a little offended.
“What do you mean then?”
“Well, I want to know when you think the time is right. I mean, do you expect to sleep with me right away? Do you have rules for when it’s right?”
Eun Ho processes this for a few seconds. I wait. This inscrutable man. I make a living giving people what they want by reading their faces for their tells. I’m good at it. That’s how I’ve built my company from 2 to 20 people in 5 years. But this man? He might have a second career as a poker player.
“Do you have a suggestion for when we… er… for how, no… Tell me what you are thinking of?”
Answering a question with a question. After two months of working with him, I’ve come to think of him as ‘driven by service’. People work for all kinds of reasons. Money. Recognition. Yu Eun Ho? He’s happiest when he's needed, fulfilled when he successfully gets you what you want. And so he waits, and absorbs your wants before building them into his own response.
“I think that I am very attracted to you. You’re a sexy man, as you know, and I cannot imagine I will be very restrained once we begin.” His eyes widen a little.
I admit it. I’m blunt, but I also enjoy flustering him. Still, I’ve had this on my mind for a while, and I need to know what he expects. Expectation management. When everyone knows what to expect, there's no disappointment. It’s just Business 101, right?
“I had precisely one lover, ever, and that was in college. He pursued me and I was curious about what it would be like. We lasted a week.”
“Did he hurt you?” A small tilt forward and a tiny burst of anger in his eyes. He gazes at me, maybe determining if there truly was no hurt. How can there not be?
“He lost interest.” I shake my head, a bit rueful at the memory.
“In you?” I take comfort at his frown.
I shrug. “He never said.”
Oh the tragedy. Thinking back, I remember being broken when he ghosted me. Despairing at what else I could have done. Then it clicked - no one stays. This is life. What else did I expect? One takes. One gets left behind.
“It was good while it lasted. I wanted more, but he seemed to be happy with time in bed and little else. So that’s what we did. At least I discovered I like sex. I like the sense of a man between my legs, the intensity and the focus. I like chasing after orgasm. Mine and his.”
Eun Ho is still. His back straight, his eyes fixed on me, but he’s mute. Ah, a tell. His ears are bright red. There’s a panicked glance around the cafe, checking for listeners I suppose. He’s 35 and he has a child, so why is he like this?
“Eun Ho-ssi.” No reply.
“Director Yu?” I insist, using my meeting voice.
He blinks. “You are… a menace.” His voice is raspy and it sounds like a thousand other words are jostling in his throat. My lips twitch. See, this is why I like flustering him. He’s adorable.
But I need answers, so I get back to the point.
“So this is what I want to know. What do you expect? When do we start? How often should we do this? What do you like?”
Those dark eyes finally focus on me. I suppress a small shiver. After that disaster in college, pursuing sex never seemed quite worth it. Until him.
He looks down at the bun in my hand. I do too. I have squashed it into an indeterminate shape between my fingers. Ah. Reaching out, he rescues it from my grip. He’s about to take a tissue to wipe my buttery fingers when he pauses.
Instead he raises my hand to his mouth. He licks away the salty-sweet crumbs, then his eyes flick to mine.
“Ji Yun-ssi.” A nibble. He’s still watching me. Watching my response. I control my face, but my fingers flex. He seems satisfied.
“Here are your answers, Ji yun-ssi. Sorted in order of last one first."
"What do I like? I would like very much to find out what it feels like to have your legs wrapped around my body, around my waist, over my shoulder. I like taking it slow, because each discovery is going to be delicious and I want to savour all our firsts. I like thinking of you half-naked, but in my lap, in the back seat of the company car at night. I like working out what makes you wet.”
I am shaking. I can't seem to hide it. He covers my fingers with his other hand.
“I don’t know how often, exactly. I can’t give you a days-per-week metric. But we’ll do it as often as it takes for me to figure out how to give you an orgasm, and then I’ll practice that to perfection. If you want, we can compete on who comes harder. ”
“We start? We start when you are ready, when you can trust me to cherish you fully, in all the ways you should be cherished. We stop? When I have eased some part of my need for you. I am so desperately hungry for you that if you said now, I could make it happen. That bench over there has possibilities.” The corner of his lips tweak up.
He can joke. I want to kid him back but I can’t. There are only pictures in my mind. Pictures of skin and muscle. Sweat and movement.
“Ji Yun-ssi. You know what I expect? I don’t expect to have ‘sex’. I expect to make love with you.”
Oh God. I still have to work this afternoon?
--
Go to Part 2/2
