n. graves

inactive | pfp: mochiibon picrew

[nachtgraves]

Ohh.. I re-read The souls of the lost last night and I fell even more in love with than on my first read. It’s such a great story, your writing is so good. I love the way you wrote the characters and their dynamics and the atmosphere that you build through the whole story. Truly amazing! Plustre artwork is absolutely stunning and beautiful!

i'm so sorry i missed your message and am so late to reply!

but aww thank you again! i'm so glad you enjoyed it as a reread. it's one of my personal favorite fics i've written so far so i'm super happy every time i see people enjoying it in any way (:

and yes, deya (@andreil-minyasten) did such fantastic work with the art, she really captured the scene and i'm really glad she was my art partner for the big bang

[nachtgraves]

I just discovered your fic the souls of the lost. I am a big fan of the book God bless the gargoyles and am super excited that you based your fic on it. Cannot wait to get home and read your story (I love JereJean). Best RobiniaViolet

oh my god i'm so sorry i didn't see your message, robiniaviolet! thank you so much for your message! god bless the gargoyles was one of my childhood stories and i hope i did it justice in the way i used it for my fic! i hope you enjoyed it!

[steakandcheeeese]

Lmao you’re an adult, you shouldn’t be using the word squick. Use trigger. Use your grown up adult words to explain how you feel instead of leaning on a cutesy uwu term that no one outside of tumblr uses. It’s embarrassing.

Idek if this is serious or ironic honestly

[steakandcheeeese]

#like...why use this baby word when you can just say how you feel about it

Found this in the original post tags and I just... SIGH

Here’s the thing, anon. Squick isn’t just ‘I don’t like this’, it’s ‘I think this is gross and it makes me deeply uncomfortable but I pass no judgement on those who enjoy it, because I acknowledge that everyone is different and those same people may have the same visceral reaction some of the things I enjoy’ and was originally made popular in the kink community.

So yeah, if you want to say that every time you come across a trope or whatever you find icky then go ahead, say that every time.

Also, this term dates back to Usenet in the early nineties, so sure, go off.

[sugarfey]

This frustrates me so much because squicks and triggers are fundamentally different things and as someone with PTSD, the distinction is super useful!

Squicks are things I find personally gross but may not be gross to someone else. They don’t upset me or provoke my PTSD, they simply do not pop my corn. Example: Omegaverse. I don’t like it, it makes me uncomfortable and I’m not going to read it, but if you like it, you do you.

Triggers are things which directly provoke my PTSD. This means that my triggers may seem completely normal and innocuous to someone else, because my triggers are so personal and intrinsically linked to a specific event in my life. My reactions to these triggers can include panic attacks and flashbacks to this traumatic event. Sometimes being triggered can affect me for several hours or even days.

Describing something as either a squick or a trigger allows me easily establish the difference in my potential reaction to something without having to go into painful detail about why bodily fluids might make me back button quickly but poker games might leave me a crying wreck. 

[oopsabird]

Making this distinction, and having a specific word for something that is not your slice of pie, but also not an actual psychological trigger, is also REALLY important for making sure that the word “trigger” can retain its original, specific, purposeful, and collectively understood clinical meaning (both inside and outside online fannish communities).

If we encourage everyone to lump things that just make them slightly uncomfortable or simply aren’t to their taste in under the word “trigger”, it actually dilutes the meaning of the word. It makes it harder for us all to, for the most part, collectively agree on and understand what exactly is being described when the word gets used.

And that destruction of shared precise definitions is a problem! It is really useful to have the communal language to be able to clearly and quickly delineate between “this grosses me out, no thanks” and “this is going to set off a trauma episode, rattle my brain, and probably throw off the rest of my day/week as a result” while also maintaining your privacy, and to know that you will be understood in what you are saying. Not having it is actually detrimental to the effort of making our communities safe and navigable for people living with trauma. Which is a goal that is much more important to me, personally, than the idea of not being “cutesy” (a word which in this case which sounds a lot like it’s being used as a euphemism for “cringe”).

(Also, one has to wonder if people told Shakespeare he was being childish when he made up entirely new words that are still widely used in the English language today...... 🤔)

[headspacedad]

I, a person that’s always wondering what’s under the rug, have noticed that ‘squick’ fell by the wayside in fandom about the same time the purity police came back into force.  A lot of the tried and true fandom distinction words were ignore, mocked or pushed aside during that time in fact and younger fans, coming into the fandom, were never introduced to them and never learned how to use them or their usefulness.  Let’s get specific:

‘squick’ means ‘this makes me uncomfortable but I don’t judge you for using it I’m just not going to hang around when it comes up’.  This means that 1. you are responsible for your own choices and whether you view disturbing content or not.  And 2. that there is no moral judgement on someone that enjoys something you do not.  This is anathema to the purity police.  Because their arguments rely on 1. people being helpless and hapless victims of the Great Nasty that is Others on the internet and 2. if you enjoy reading/drawing/interacting with something that they don’t Approve than you are necessarily E-vile.  Purity police is about - policing.  Policing others thoughts and others actions.  Its presented as Saving Children from Themselves and Evil Others but its really, and always has been in any form its taken, about Control.  Controlling what’s allowed and demonizing anything that isn’t approved by that particular policer so that it becomes Not Allowed. 

‘squick’ implies that I will NOT police what you are doing, I will simply not involve myself in it.  I don’t have to tell you why and you don’t have to defend why you enjoy it.  We simply nod and keep going our separate ways.  I expect you to be adult enough to stay in your corner and I will be adult enough to stay in mine.  (much like labels and warnings.  I put up my ‘no trespassers/solicitors/here be dragons sign’ on things I post so you know what you’re getting into before you go in and I expect you to have enough simple common sense to read those posts before you open the door and decide if buckshot in the ass if your thing or not - figuratively).  

Here’s the kicker (and point).  ‘squick’ doesn’t make a very emotional argument against something.  It implies everyone is responsible for themselves and it implies no judgement.  If someone says you’ve ‘squicked’ them than all they’re saying is they were uncomfortable and (in the true sense of the word) that they’re going to back out now but you should carry on without them.  There’s no emotional gut hit to the word squick.  But you know what word does gut punch? 

Trigger.

Because if you tell me I’ve triggered you it says that I surprised you with something you were not prepared for and that you have taken emotional damage because of this.  It doesn’t matter if I did it by accident and the other person doesn’t blame me for it.  I am still going to mentally imagine that I’ve set off some kind of attack inside of you and I am going to feel very very bad about that.  Because I’m a decent human being and we feel guilty when we’ve hurt someone else even if we didn’t mean to and they know we didn’t mean to.

And that’s it.  That’s why ‘trigger’ is being used instead of ‘squick’.  Its intentional, or at least it is amoung the older purity police who caught new fans coming in and taught them the wrong word.  ‘Trigger’ is an emotional response word.  ‘Squick’ is not.  If I am going to make an argument about why something Shouldn’t Be and lay the blame for being Wrong on someone else, I am going to use the emotional response word, not the ‘we’re each responsible for ourselves’ word.  Because the person I am attacking is going to feel guilty about the emotional response word whether its use makes sense or not.  Its an emotional response word.  We’re trained to react emotionally to it.  Purity police know that and that is why they’re winnowing out the old fan terms that serve the purpose of specifically identifying things so that everyone can be responsible and replacing them with emotional trigger words that reshape the argument into Good vs. Evil instead of your thing is not my thing (YKINMK).  At the end of the day, there is nothing sensible or logical about purity police.  Or what they’re asking for.  No one listening sensibly would agree with them.  So they have to rely on emotional manipulation.  And one of the fastest ways to emotionally manipulate a situation is to use a word that has emotional connotations.

Trigger.

[seananmcguire]

I find it fascinating how many political conservatives think “oh this is gonna trigger SO MANY liberals” is hilarious and hysterical and something to be aspired to, and this breakdown explains what they’re actually saying.  They don’t just want to make people uncomfortable.  You can’t “trigger” me by destroying queer rights.  That’s been happening my whole life.  It squicks me and upsets me, but it doesn’t cause me a traumatic response that leaves me unable to focus or function.

But you can trigger me with surprise pudding.

There are a lot of reasons for that, many of which are no one’s damn business, but at the end of the day, if you surprise me with pudding in food, you’ll get to see me have a meltdown that will lead to the reasonable conclusion that pudding is more important to me than queer rights. And that is not the case! But pudding is a trigger, and bigotry is a squick and a horrified “fuck you,” not a psychological self-destruct button.

[thepeskycritter]

i may be way off base here but this reminds me an awful lot of conversations ive seen around food dislikes and allergies.

as in, triggers, like allergies, are a medical issue with potentially life threatening symptoms.

squicks, and food dislikes, are uncomfortable but wont actively hurt you.

[la-plus-heureuse-writer]

Food aversions and allergies are a solid way to illustrate the concept, imo. When I was a server people asked all the time to leave ingredients off dishes. And I was trained to always ask if it was an allergy or preference.

Because at a good restaurant that cares about the health of the guests? They’re two very, very different things. If a guests is allergic to, let’s say onions, I’d first ask about if they were allergic to all alliums. Then I’d run with through the dishes we could safely serve them including modifications, and ask for any questions. Then I would talk to the chef to make sure there’s no shallots I’ve forgotten about in the sauce of the steak or that they didn’t switch out the croutons on the salad to include garlic since my last shift. If there’s new information or if the guest just had questions but not a decision, I’d go back and have another conversation with the guest. And then, only then, when everyone understands and feels good with the information would I ring in the ticket and mark it Allergy.

While the dish for our onion allergic guest is being made, the kitchen will swap out all the bowls, pans, and serving utensils for clean ones that haven’t touched onions. They’ve also changed their gloves or washed their hands. The dish is marked, usually with tape, as an allergy until it is heading to the table. And we make sure to state this is the allergy dish and the guest confirms it before putting it down.

If it’s a preference I make a note on the ticket that they don’t like onions and the dish is made without onions. Both preferences and allergies, like squicks and triggers, are important to know and respect! But one will cause an unpleasant experience and one will cause serious harm and it is important to keep a distinction between the two.

[animexovergames]

🏅 Position: Behind the Scenes 🏅

🏆 Twitter 🏆 AO3 🏆

[nachtgraves]

eyyy i got into fanexus! time to figure out how/what i’m migrating over and work on the tag trees. i love monotonous organizing so this will be fun procrastination material

[moldstars-deactivated20230721]

writing is simple. i put my characters into a situation that i, the author, cannot figure out how to get them out of and i close the document

[ukulelekatie]

concept: spotify wrapped but for fanfics

[salmonella-warrior]

1k words with inspiration: literally 10 minutes or less of writing. a breeze

1k words without inspiration: i will do it. i will take the ring to mordor

[wanderingjedihistorian]

I feel this to the depths of my soul

[thefoundationproject]

Ow.

[nachtgraves]

if you don’t follow me on twitter, i got a switch this past weekend and have started fe3h (surprisingly I managed to not see any spoilers other than that there’s a time skip and character design changes) and I am obsessed with Ashe and am a felix/ashe fucker. hello new ship and fandom

[nachtgraves]

So I finally managed to read your fic and I have to say it’s truly marvellous! I loved the universe you created, the characters and their dynamics. It was so interesting to read your story. It was funny, suspenseful and slightly melancholic with a hint of pining. A great mix! The quotes of the book fit so well and the art was so so beautiful. I’ll gather my thoughts (and possibly re-read) and will leave a more coherent in the few days. Thank you for writing and sharing this story with us!

Ahh thank you!! Glad you enjoyed it! I’m glad the quotes worked/added to the story despite the very different source context lmao. Deya did such a great job on the art, I couldn’t be happier, she really brought out that scene and the related quotes.

Thank you again for reading and your comments!! It’s very kind of you!

[nachtgraves]

Hej. I just read the summary for your Big Bang fic. It’s sounds super interesting and I already love the concept of angels and gargoyles and I am so so excited to read your story. Anyway I looked up the book you based your AU on and I it seems really lovely and I ordered it right away. : ) Cannot wait for it to arrive in a few weeks. Just wanted to let you know. Have a lovely weekend. Take care.

Hi! Ahh thank you, I hope you enjoy the fic! And I’m sorry it’s all 35k in one go, I really should’ve split it into manageable chapters. hindsight.

And Pilkey’s book!! I have such a soft spot for gargoyles because of that story lmao. I hope you enjoy it when it gets to you! Both the full story and the illustrations.

Have a great weekend yourself!

[andreil-minyasten]

My AFTG Big Bang 2K20 pieces for this fic by @nachtgraves. Go read it! Things have been so hectic lately but I'm glad to have participated in this @aftgbigbang 😁

[nachtgraves]

!!!!! LOOK AT THEM!! Jean’s wings!! He protecc!!

[nachtgraves]

the souls of the lost weren’t really alone

My contribution for the @aftgbigbang! Thank you @andreil-minyasten for the amazing art, @ahorizontalline for beta-ing, and Emma for French help!

The title and some sections of the fic are from Dav Pilkey's God Bless the Gargoyles, which was the inspiration for this fic/au.

Pairing: Jeremy Knox / Jean Moreau Word Count: ~35,000 Warnings/Tags: M. Urban fantasy au, referenced/implied rape/non-con, past rape/non-con, past child abuse, canon typical violence, minor character death(s), human trafficking, fbi agent!jeremy, angel!jeremy, gargoyle!jean, hurt/comfort Summary: In a joint-op with the infamous Charleston field office known as Foxhole, Special Agent Jeremy Knox and his partner Alvarez travel to South Carolina to investigate the highly exclusive illegal supernatural fight rings catering to the mundane elite run by Riko Moriyama.

As Foxhole readies to catch the notorious vampire and leader to the expansive crime family's U.S. branch, Jeremy can't afford distractions. But when trying to clear his head one night, a man with desolate gray eyes won't leave his thoughts.

Read on AO3

[kitshunette]

aftgexchange fall 2020 | @aftgexchange

for @nikothespoonklepto

A Jeaneil AU where:

Mary died earlier on in their run when they were passing through Marseilles, on Halloween night

Little Nathaniel ran and hid in a graveyard, where little Jean found him while he was trick and treating with some friends

And then Jean brought the homeless kid who couldn’t speak French to his exy club because he’s a weirdo

(The club totally adopted Nathaniel)

Papa Moreau also totally figured out who Nathaniel was and kept him as a bargaining chip for later needs

As fate would have it, the later needs did happen two national championships and a gold medal later 

Jean learned a lot of things about his family that day

And then Jean learned that Nathaniel’s father wanted him dead, and that he was probably already six feet underground as his own father yelled above his teenage screams that he should be glad he wasn’t the one being shipped away across the Atlantic

Years passed with Jean toe-ing a fine line between his law studies and the ironically more underground business his parents were slowly pushing on him, and the quite energy consuming task of keeping track with his best friends’ ongoing passion for exy – even though he himself hadn’t played again ever since Nathaniel was gone

Until one day Nathaniel’s face reappeared in front of his eyes, older now, a young adult like him, and the number 3 tattooed on his face

And at that moment, Jean figured that maybe his father’s legacy could come into handy

[nachtgraves]

been debating on doing kinktober this year....hmmm

[whatareyoureallyafraidof]

[triquetrine]

foxes play never have I ever

anon i am so sorry this took so long!! the writer’s block is starting to come off, but i was also pretty daunted by this prompt because i’ve seen so many versions from other people and i just didn’t know if i could measure up. i’m gonna try! also, i swear all of this is from my own brain so if there are similarities with other people i am very sorry i promise i was not plagiarizing. this does get more interesting toward the end, so bear with me pls

the foxes spend the first week of summer break together at a small lake house allison says her parents forgot about

“imagine being so rich you forget about a house” “your mother is literally a mma fighter with a net worth in the millions” “we only have one house” “in MANHATTAN”

they spend their days hiking and swimming and their nights drinking

it’s nicky’s idea to play never have i ever (it always is)

neil has never played before, and he’s excited enough that andrew decides to stick around and see what happens

because of the nature of their group, nicky says they can skip people in the circle if no one wants to ask any questions

they start out pretty normal, like “never have i ever shoplifted” “never have i ever been caught cheating on a test” etc etc

as they get drunker, the questions and the ensuing conversations get wackier

“never have i ever stayed awake for more than 48 hours straight” 

neil’s the only one who drinks (andrew got to like 30 hours once), and the foxes are beyond alarmed for him

“how is your brain even working?” 

andrew: “it’s not”

sometimes they’ll target each other with specific questions, like nicky goes “never have i ever kissed a vixen before” and aaron glares at him while he downs a shot

when dan asks about developing crushes on strangers, neil is more than confused because he’s never even found anyone attractive until andrew, so it’s kinda wild to imagine falling in love with someone you walk past once

but neil is having the time of his life, he’s gently buzzed and surrounded by his friends and he’s laughing the loudest he has in a while

the fireplace is making his hair glow in all these different shades of bronze and red and his eyes are lighting up and his smile is just so big and happy

andrew cannot stand it

the next time the circle goes around, andrew starts talking before nicky can

“never have i ever been to switzerland” 

the question’s surprisingly tame but the foxes are glad he’s participating, so allison, kevin, neil, and nicky drink (he and erik took a weekend trip there once)

as the game continues, andrew keeps on asking about places, but they slowly get more and more specific

“never have i ever been to belyounech” 

nicky has to google where that is on his phone, but neil’s just staring at andrew and beginning to regret detailing his journeys with his mother

because andrew never forgets. never. 

so of course he would remember the name of a tiny seaside town in morocco neil and his mom spent a single night in a good five years ago

neil is torn between being amused because he knows he did something to prompt this, glad andrew really listens to him when he talks, and childish annoyance

“never have i ever faked my identity” “OKAY ANDREW’S DISQUALIFIED” 

andrew is just that petty and completely whipped for his boyfriend

nicky, thoroughly sloshed, asks “never have i ever kissed someone of the same gender”

every. single. fox. drinks. (except for aaron, who’s now comatose on the rug)

his complicated relationship with sexuality will be analyzed in a different post at some point in the future

nicky, thoroughly screaming, cannot get enough air in to interrogate everyone

kevin just waves his grey goose in the air like “yeah you bet i’m just THAT irresistible” 

“was it jeremy?” “i wish” “wHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!?!” “I MISS, I SAID I MISS, I MISS JEREMY A LOT-” 

dan and matt shrug because they were just trying to figure out their sexuality like normal teenagers

allison acts like this should have been public knowledge, but renee is blushing and they’re very determinedly Not Looking At Each Other

neil is intrigued but he doesn’t say anything

nicky, who has now slightly recovered, is absolutely losing his mind and on a roll and wants to milk this moment

“never have i ever kissed another fox” 

dan, matt, neil, and andrew drink

this is unsurprising

but then SO DO ALLISON AND RENEE

and that is how the foxes find out they’re dating