Finally stopped putting off my pursuit of answers for my chronic pain, but Iâm not expecting much. The GP told me to self-refer to physiotherapy for further investigation, but Iâm half expecting them to be like, âuhh we canât help with that, go back to your GP.â
I donât look for a comfortable position to sleep in cuz there isnât one. I just look for the least painful one until it gets painful and I need to switch it up.
I accept Iâm mentally disabled, but I still struggle to label myself as physically disabled. I have POTS, but itâs not as bad as a lot of people online have it. I have chronic pain, but idk the cause and I can still walk.
Talked about disabled toilets earlier and how I can technically go in them but I still feel awkward about it. She was like âthatâs why Iâm glad people are more woke nowadays cuz people donât rly judge you.â
So apparently jaw pain when brushing your teeth ainât normal? It doesnât happen all the time, but it sure does make an already annoying taste worse. I also sometimes get pain when chewing, so idk if thatâs related? And if I move my jaw side to side, it kinda feels like it pops/grinds on the left side.
The closest explanation I can find is TMJ, but (I donât think) the pain isnât constant and Iâve never had my jaw lock. I also donât grind my teeth to my knowledge.
I have other pain issues but they arenât diagnosed atm. I feel uncomfortable pretty much all the time, but I also tend to get bad pain in my knees and also more recently my wrists. So idk if it could be an arthritic problem? But I donât get swelling and my rheumatoid factor was normal. EDS? My physio scored me 7/9 on Beighton in her letter to my GP, but I donât see how tbh cuz I donât think I can do any of the points on the test.
I have autism and ADHD, which I know often come with a lot of chronic illness friends. For example, I have diagnosed POTS (yay me). But Iâm kinda at a loss for my pain issues. I should probably pursue it, but I keep ADHDing it and forgetting to follow up. The doc kinda dismissed me and told me to rerefer to physio if I want further testing.
Hey everyone! Sorry itâs been so long since I updated. I always seem to struggle to remain consistent with writing (curse my ADHD). I really wanted to get a new chapter uploaded before the finale airs for some reason, so here it is! I hope yâall enjoy!
I havenât proof read it, so hopefully it reads okay. I also feel a bit out of practice, so I do hope this isnât terrible.
âxâ
The bold colours of the room flooded Pomniâs eyes as she began to wake up, grimacing as she shifted from being unconscious. After a few seconds, her eyes fell down to Jax, who was still fast asleep. Her eyes remained glued to his face, observing the peaceful look on his face as if he had no concept of what stress was. She stared at him for a few more moments before something came to her attention, her eyes darting to it. It was now that she realised that Jaxâs hand rested atop hers, blanketing it as it rested atop his torso. A smile crept on her face as she felt endearment towards his actions, though she assumed it was something he had done in his sleep without realising.
Her eyes flicked upwards at his chest and she felt increasingly tempted to act on a thought of this. She glanced at his face again to confirm whether he was still asleep and after observing for a few seconds, she sheepishly repositioned herself so that her head rested on his chest. The moment her cheek rested against his chest, he shifted and mumbled a little, causing a surge of panic within her. She froze in place as she awaited Jaxâs response to the situation, but moments passed without a peep from him. Tilting her head up cautiously, she realised that he was still asleep, his expression the relaxed one she had grown accustomed to. Eventually she settled enough to close her eyes, listening to his heartbeat and feeling his chest rise and fall beneath her. Initially she figured that she would find it uncomfortable, but she found it rather comforting.
âTaking liberties, huh?â Jax suddenly spoke, causing Pomni to flinch and gasp. She dared not react, figuring she could still pretend to be asleep somehow. In all honesty, she had no clue what to do in the event she was caught. The room fell silent as both of them determined what to do in this situation. For Jax, he decided it would be best to just savour the moment, finding Pomniâs reactions intriguing and humorous. Jax spoke again, his chest rumbling against Pomniâs face as he spoke: âI know youâre awake, Pomni.â
âDang it,â Pomni muttered under her breath, to Jaxâs amusement. After not receiving a response, she continued: âSo are you gonna tell me to get off orâŚ?â
âNah, this is far too fun to watch,â Jax quipped back promptly, his smugness seeping through his voice. He waited for a moment, then continued in a more sincere tone: âWhat compelled you to do this?â
âI was just curious what it was like,â Pomni answered honestly. âItâs a position Iâve seen in a lot of coupleâŚâ She cut herself off. âNever mind.â
Jax stared at her for a moment in disbelief, but dismissed the comment quickly. âAnd how has your experiment gone?â
Pomni hummed in thought. âSurprisingly well actually. Itâs more comfortable than I thought. Besides, itâs quite interesting to feel your chest rumble every time you speak.â She paused for a moment, then spoke again. âAnd your experiment? Did you get dead limbs last night?â
âNope,â Jax replied casually. âThough I did discover something else.â
Waiting for Jax to continued and hearing nothing, Pomni tilted her head up to look at Jax. âWhat do you mean?â
Jax smirked teasingly. âYou started taking my food order in your sleep.â
Pomniâs eyes widened and it was clear she was flustered. âI sleep talk?â Jax nodded with a pleased grin. âHuhâŚI had no idea.â
The two of them went quiet, unsure what to talk about next. Neither realised the other was just as content to lay there silently as the other. They both flinched as someone suddenly knocked on the door.
âPomni? Are you okay?â Ragathaâs voice carried through the door, albeit muffled. Jax groaned at the sound, but Pomni promptly got up and climbed over Jax to get out of bed and answer the door.
âHey Ragatha,â Pomni greeted as she cracked the door open. âWhatâs up?â
Ragatha had a relieved look on her face. âHey Pomni! I was just checking you were okay. Itâs not like you to sleep in and youâve been doing it more and more recentlyâŚâ
Pomni smiled and chuckled nervously. âAh, well thanks for your concern! I guess Iâve just realised thereâs no rush to get out of bed here, you know?â In the background, Jax watched with a mild look of bother his hands behind his head. âIâll be with you in a minute.â
Ragathaâs mouth twitched into an anxious grin. âWhy do you need to go back inside? Canât you come now?â Pomniâs expression dropped and her brain scrambled for an excuse. It wasnât like she had any reason to return to her room. She glanced behind her at Jax, not realising her blunder, to which he scowled at her and ushered her to resume looking at Ragatha.
âI uhhâŚneed to make my bad,â she replied unconvincingly.
âMake your bed?â Ragatha echoed, raising an eyebrow. âWhy?â
âI guessâŚit just helps me to keep some sort of routine?â The two of them started at each other for a moment, both as confused as the other.
âWellâŚI suppose Iâll see you shortly,â Ragatha finally yieleded before rigidly waving and beginning to walk away. âBye Pomni!â Pomni waved her off, then sighed and closed the door, leaning her back against it.
âWhy didnât you just go with her?â Jax criticised, now sat up with his arms folded.
âAnd leave you here?â Pomni replied, raising an eyebrow.
âI am grown enough to know how to leave a room myself,â Jax noted, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. âBesides, if we stagger our exits, it looks far less suspicious.â
Pomni glanced at the floor as she considered his suggestion. âYeahâŚyouâre probably right. Iâll do that next time.â Jax stared at her as her, unsure what to say. Though unintentional, he recognised that he had upset Pomni, even if only slightly. Eventually he sighed and stood up, his arms folded behind his head to appear unbothered.
âLetâs go before doll-face comes back to pester us.â Before she could react, he took her by the hand and led her out the door. He refused to let go as he walked her down the corridor, her walking behind him in bewilderment. It was only when they approached the main section of the tent that he let go.
Everyone turned to look at them as they approached. Ragatha smiled and waved at Pomni, which received a sheepish wave in return. Zooble glanced between the two of them, their eyes narrowing in on Jax, who swiftly glanced away when he noticed.
âThank goodness youâre finally here,â Caine chirped energetically. âItâs time for another adventure!â
âWhatâs on the agenda this time?â Jax asked unenthused, placing a hand on his hip.
âPrison break,â Zooble chimed in before Caine could speak up, much to his annoyance.
âAs inâŚweâre breaking out?â Pomni asked, her voice failing to mask her confusion.
âGuess youâll see,â Caine barked as he hastily shoved everyone through a portal, resulting in them flattening on the ground. Pomni lifted her head with an annoyed expression and glanced around her, realising she was in a cell with Jax.
âWell, that answers that question,â Pomni groaned. The first thing she saw was Jaxâs outfit, which had changed from his usual overalls to a black and white striped t-shirt with matching pants. It didnât look particularly accurate to a real prisoners outfit, but that sort of logic did not apply to this world. She got up and walked over to him, offering her hand to help him up. He glanced at her hand, then stood up as if he hadnât noticed it.
âI guess there must be a way out,â Jax reasoned, looking around the cell with his hands on his hips.
âNot exactly,â Ragathaâs voice suddenly piped up. Pomni faced the direction of the sound and walked towards the bars of the cell, peering through and seeing Ragatha in the cell next to them, her head poking out of the bars. âMost of us are in here, but Zooble and Gangle are the guards. We have to break out, then get past them in the courtyard and jump the fence.â
âI see,â Pomni responded, her expression uncertain. The concept was simple, but would it really be so easy for them to escape? As she pondered over this conundrum, her attention was diverted by an unusual noise behind them. She turned to see Jax hastily clawing away at the ground adjacent to the back wall, already having made a decent amount of progress. âHuhâŚthat was easy.â
âWhatâs going on over there?â Ragatha asked with a hint of worry.
âJax is digging us a way out,â Pomni responded enthusiastically. âWeâll be out of here in no time!â
Ragatha smiled nervously. âWell, you two will. Iâm not sure how me and Kinger willâŚâ Before she could finish, she turned to see Kinger digging a tunnel to their cell. âHow did youâŚ?â
Kinger turned around and held up a spoon. âIâm using a spoon, silly!â
Ragatha inhaled and was about to question it, but decided to just leave him to it. âWell, I guess weâll be with you shortly.â
Jax paused for a moment and audibly grumbled, before continuing. After a few minutes, Kinger made his way to the other side of the wall and entered their cell, with Ragatha crawling through shortly after. Not long after, Jax could be heard from the tunnel. He backed out and beckoned for them to follow after him. The tunnel was not especially spacious, but thankfully with a squeeze, they were all able to crawl through. As Jax lead them through, he suddenly stopped with an annoyed groan.
âYou okay?â Pomni asked worriedly.
âYeah fine,â Jax grumbled back. He continued but he seemed to strain a little. It was hard to tell what was happening with the little light pouring into the tunnel, but after a few moments he jolted forward and exited the tunnel. The others soon made it outside too, glancing around before their eyes fell on two distant silhouettes at the other end of the courtyard.
âGuess thatâs Zooble and Gangle,â Ragatha observed, sounding apprehensive. Pomni glanced over at Jax, curious to figure out what had happened to him. She quickly observed the large rip on the back of his shirt, and wondering what the cause was, she looked back at the tunnel. There she saw a piece of sharp rubble that pointed downwards: it was likely his clothing got caught on that as he crawled through. The moment she looked back at him, she flinched at the sight of him lifting his shirt off of himself. When he had removed it, he tossed it aside, his expression somewhat irritated about the ordeal. He sighed, then turned with his usual smile.
âWell, time to get past grump and gloomy,â he chirped. His eyes drifted to Pomni, who had a bewildered expression on her face. For a moment, it seemed as though she might be flustered, but that explanation made little sense. It was then that he glanced down at himself and had an idea as to what could be causing her expression. Pomni panicked and looked away, realising he may have pieced together what was happening, but looked back inquisitively when he didnât respond. If anything, he appeared bothered by her reaction. Unbeknownst to her, Jax refused to entertain the explanation that came to his mind.
âHow are we gonna get past them?â Ragatha asked, unknowingly becoming a welcome distraction from the situation.
âCanât we just run at them?â Pomni suggested. âWe do outnumber them after all.â
âProbably the easiest idea,â Jax agreed. âIf we charge at them, the best they can hope for is to catch one or two of us.â
âYes, but-â
âThen letâs go,â Jax ordered loudly, cutting Ragatha off and sprinting towards Zooble and Gangle. Pomni hesitated for a moment, but soon joined him. Mirroring their movements, Kinger too charged, leaving Ragatha little choice but to follow. Pomni managed to catch up to Jax, now running alongside him.
âSo are we hoping they just move out the way, orâŚ?â
âNah, just rely on cartoon logic and do the craziest stunt you can think of,â Jax recommended, which did not inspire much confidence in Pomni. With their positioning, she looked to be matched up with Zooble, who braced themselves for their interaction. Her mind scrambled for ideas on what to do, when a ridiculous notion entered her mind. She let out a steadying sigh, readying herself to execute her idea.
The time had come. Jax and Pomni were now in striking distance of the two of them. Zooble and Gangle began to approach them, ready to attack. Pomni then kicked her leg out and slid between Zoobleâs legs as if she were pulling off a quick-time event in a video game. Meanwhile, Jax leaped a great height over Gangle, flipping in the air and landing on his feet. They both continued running as they left a stunned Zooble and Gangle behind them.
âI canât believe that worked,â Pomni expressed with an excited chuckle, once again running alongside Jax. They both reached the gate and as Pomni readied herself to climb, Jax flapped his hand to get her attention. She turned and saw him crouched down, his hands clasped together to form a platform.
âIâll give you a boost,â he offered, though it came off more as an order. Pomni glanced back and saw that Zooble and Gangle were now pursuing them, so rather than waste any time, she placed her foot on his hands. Jax propelled her upwards, giving her a head-start on climbing up the fence. Thanks to cartoonish logic, he was able to boost her quite far up the fence, so it wasnât long until she reached the top and could hop down.
âWe did it!â Pomni cheered, raising her arms in the air triumphantly. She turned around to check on Jax, but as she did so, she caught him stumbling on the top of the fence and falling over it. Before she knew it, he had crash-landed on her, pushing her to the ground. She slowly opened her eyes with a groan, then froze in place at what she saw. Jax too opened his eyes, frowning a little from the pain of the fall, when his eyes widened: he had landed atop her, their faces remarkably close. Neither knew what to do about the situation, their hearts pounding for reasons they couldnâtâor wouldnâtâcomprehend. After what felt like an eternity, Pomni finally stuttered out a short sentence: âUhh, JaxâŚ?â
Her words snapped him back to reality and he quickly pushed himself backwards, glancing away with his hand raised to cover the lower part of his face. She stared in awe at the shade of red his face had become, but her mind failed to form any thoughts at this time. It was then that their attention was grasped by a scream at the other side of the fence.
âDang it, they got me,â Ragatha grumbled as Zooble cuffed her from behind. Jax and Pomni glanced at each other quickly, then stood up with just as much haste, doing their best to brush off what just happened.
âWho cares,â Jax remarked, trying to mask his embarrassment with smugness. âWe still won.â
âOhâŚactually,â Gangle started. Before she could continue, a large neon sign appeared above the gang with the word TIE written on it.
âA tie?!â Jax yelled frustratedly.
âThe prisoners only win if they all escape,â Zooble explained. âSince you left your teammates behind, we all tied.â
âI tried to tell you,â Ragatha spoke feebly. Pomni glanced at him, noting his annoyance. A part of her wondered if his anger was displaced discomfort, but she dared not broach the subject. A portal appeared on either side of the fence, allowing both teams to exit. Seemingly without hesitation, Jax stormed off through it. When the cast returned to the circus, Caine was there to greet them.
âWelcome back, my jawbreakers! I hope you enjoyed you enjoyed my filler adventure. Iâll make sure the next one is a doozy!â With that, he teleported away.
Jax folded his arms and grumbled. âWhat a lame adventure.â
The others started to walk away and go off in their own directions. But Zooble strolled up beside him, placed a hand and quietly spoke to him: âDonât think what happened went unnoticed.â
Jax froze up, his body going rigid. Zooble gave his shoulders a couple of pats, then walked away with the others. Pomni approached him with a raised eyebrow.
âWhat did Zooble say?â She asked, startling Jax a little. He shook his head, then began walking towards their rooms.
âNothing important,â he lied, obviously shaken by what Zooble had said to him. Rather than push for an answer, Pomni decided to leave the matter, instead choosing to silently walk with Jax back to the rooms. Neither of them noticed, but Ragatha worriedly watched as the two of them walked together. She deliberated whether to approach them, but the idea of confronting Jax put her off the idea.
Pomni opened the door to her room, and after glancing nervously down the hallway, Jax entered. They soon settled into bed, but both laid on their backs and stared at the ceiling rather than assuming any sort of cuddling position. Feeling the weight of the silence, Pomni finally decided to speak.
âAll things considered, that was a rather uneventful adventure,â she confessed, causing Jax to shift his attention to her. âI wonder why Caine wanted to make aâŚfiller adventure, as he called it.â
âHe said he wanted to do something bigger next time or something, right?â Jax replied flatly.
Pomni sighed. âI hope whatever it is wonât be too crazy.â The room fell silent again for another short while, but Pomni spoke again. âSoâŚwhat would you like to do tonight?â
Jax didnât respond for a moment, his eyes once again fixed on the ceiling. It wasnât immediately apparent, but she realised that he was furrowing his brows, as if disturbed by something. âActually, I think Iâd prefer not to be touched tonight.â
Pomniâs eyes widened in surprise. For some reason, his words stung a little, but she couldnât quite piece together why. âOhâŚsure thing.â Almost as soon as she spoke, Jax turned his back to her and curled up a little. She started at the ceiling for a moments, but eventually turned to face the wall and closed her eyes.
Jax stared at the wall opposite him, feeling his chest tighten for reasons he couldnât understand. He had expected Pomni to fall asleep quickly, but it took some time before the signs of that happened emerged. He rolled over to look at her, just to ensure that she was actually asleep, before facing the wall again. With that, he was finally able to relax a little, though a lingering unease remained. After a great deal of time had passed, he eventually managed to drift off to sleep.
The Internet requires people to be absolutely perfect. If you said something 10 years ago, even if youâve apologised, youâre still seen to be a monster. It makes me absolutely terrified to even express an opinion online. If Iâm blocked, I worry Iâm part of a secret smear campaign or that thereâs a doc of me somewhere trying to cancel me. Any level of criticism and Iâm terrified that thereâs gonna be a post by someone telling people to block me because Iâm a terrible person.
Being on the internet with OCD is like âI want to post a picture of my outfit because I look bomb but what if my full address and National Insurance number is written in the reflection of this random public bathroom mirror and I didnât noticeâ
Canât ever tell people irl that I think I have c-PTSD cuz I donât want to answer the âwhy.â I donât want to explain that I think my parents were not the best emotional support for me, growing up with the stress that came from being undiagnosed AuDHD. Or the weird content I was exposed to when I was like 13 because of liking MLP and such. Or the fact I was groomed by someone when I was 16ââbut no no it wasnât that bad cuz all he did was have sexual convos with me!â
This comic is a little different than what I usually do but I worked real hard on itâMaybe I'll make more infographic stuff in the future this ended up being fun. Hope you learned something new :)
If you are still curious and want to learn more about OCD, you can visit the International OCD Foundation's website. I also recommend this amazing TED ED video "Starving The Monster", which was my first introduction to the disorder and this video by John Green about his own experience with OCD.
The IOCDF's website can also help you find support groups, therapy, and has lots of online guides and resources as well if you or a loved one is struggling with the disorder. It is very comprehensive!
Reblog to teach your followers about OCD
(But also not reblogging doesn't make you evil, silly goose)
Itâs so annoying that my OCD diagnosis is my least credible one. Itâs on my medical notes but itâs not on my health summary, so I assume itâs not an official diagnosis? Iâm not rly sure. I know itâs not my fault because it wasnât like I intentionally tried to get a diagnosis in a shady way, but equally itâs so frustrating cuz it just keeps me trapped in a loop of, âwhat if I donât have itâ and I donât have anything to necessarily prove it because of the weird way I was diagnosed.
And what doesnât help is my most frequent compulsion is hand washing and contamination OCD kinda stuff, so my brain tells me that Iâm one of the âquirky OCDâ fakers. But I do occasionally get spirals not related to that? I had a pretty intense bought of POCD. I also have a fear of sleeping around people (thankfully never happens) because Iâm worried I might do smth in my sleep and I had a period where I recorded myself every time I napped and watched it to check for any sign that I moved in my sleep. And Iâve also had it where people stop talking to me online or smth and I assume that thereâs some conspiracy behind my back and I get super paranoid.
Ugh anyways, idk what the point of this vent is, sorry.
