note: this is part 1 of a series (part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5)
content: bang chan/reader, university au, strangers to friends to lovers, themes of soulmates, reader is female and referred to with she/her pronouns, mentions of past unhealthy relationships, a bit of pining, kissing, slight suggestiveness but sfw (eventually nsfw)
summary: after the past three years youâve had, whether or not you make it through the fourth all comes down to a single thread. fortunately, you find that thread, with chan on the other end. now, itâs just a matter of who needs it moreâyou, or him.
PAIRING: minho + chan x fem!reader
GENRE: smut. fluff. f2l. roommates au. threesome/poly.
CONTENT: 18+ minors dni.
WORD COUNT: 5k
SUMMARY: Your two roommates are your best friends in the world. Youâd also love nothing more than to be sandwiched between them. Queue tension and smut with feelings.
do not repost to other sites, including translations.
Itâs laundry day, a day youâve put off a little long. You end up grabbing a shirt from Minhoâs clean clothing heâd left in the dryer to throw over your head as you wait for your own load to finish. Neither of them were around. Youâre leaning over the counter to grab a paper towel when the front door opens. You peak around the corner just as Chris is throwing his shoes aside. Okay, this is fine. The shirt is just long enough to hang over the tops of your thighs, covering the pale blue underwear youâd slept in.
pairing: yang jeongin x fem!reader
genre: smut, fluff, angst if you squint? bff2lovers!au
word count: 10.9k
warnings: 18+ mdni!!! soft dom!jeongin, brat!reader, masturbation (m&f), light manhandling, unprotected sex, one bed trope (gasp!), reader wears dresses and jeongin is very into it, he is just soooo down bad in general, this was supposed to be like 4k idk how it became this...
summary: a weekend getaway with your best friend is the cure for all your stress; at least, its supposed to be. so then, why does he end up spending the whole trip stressed instead...? OR, jeongin has been obsessed with you for years. (unfortunately for him, you are painfully oblivious to it all. guess he has no choice but to fuck the shit out of you until you notice.)
"Yang Jeongin," you inhale deeply through your nose. "What is in your hands?"
"What do you mean?" He asks. "These are my bags."
You deadpan. "Obviously I know that! I mean, who on Earth needs three bags for a weekend trip?"
"Listen," he begins. "I know this is a foreign concept to you, but like... some of us enjoy actually trying to look good."
"Say that again," you threaten, reaching down to take off your slipper.
"Some of usâ"
The slipper is off your foot before he has the chance to finish.
"Joking!" He exclaims with a giggle, taking a few bounding steps away from your reach.
"Whatever," you mutter, grabbing your single bag from the back of the car.
"Are you mad at me?" Jeongin asks, trailing after you as you begin the long trek uphill.
"Y/NNNN..." He sings, keeping in step with you despite his huge bags.
"You're so annoying," you mutter. You can already feel the burn in your legs, and the heat beating down isn't doing anything to help.
"That's not very nice to say to someone who planned out this entire vacation just for you," Jeongin points out with a smirk.
"Whatever," you huff childishly.
Your arms are already straining with the weight of your single bag. He, you notice, doesn't seem at all winded despite how heavy you imagine his bags are.
"It's not like I asked you to plan anything anyways... Why did you have to pick a place so far away?"
"Just wait," he insists. "It's worth it, I promise!"
You aren't sure how he has so much energy. The drive had been five hoursâthe exhaustion is already setting deep into your bones, and you didn't do anything except lounge in the passenger seat and complain about the secrecy of this trip.
To be fair, your brattiness isn't completely unearned. You didn't even know about this trip until this morning, when Jeongin ambushed you at your apartment and all but corralled you into his car.
It didn't matter how many times you asked him where, exactly, he is taking youâhe remained tight-lipped on the destination, until the rocky shores of the coastline came into view and you realized he had taken you to the closest seaside town.
After countless years of friendship with Yang Jeongin, you were taken aback by how much his spontaneity continued to surprise you. It never made sense how the two of you remained friends despite your opposite nature, and yet you couldn't imagine a life without him. So, although it did annoy you to no end that he gave you no heads up about this trip, you went along with it anyways.
Deep down, you knew he planned all of this because of how stressed you had been lately. Jeongin isn't always the best when it comes to comforting you, but he tries, and you can't deny itâa weekend away to rest and recharge does sound like the perfect escape.
"That," you pant once you reach the small cottage on the top of the hill. "Was horrible."
"What do you mean?" Jeongin asks cheerfully.
"I literally hate you so much right now."
"Well," he says, grabbing your bag from you with ease. "I was going to tell you about the fun day I had planned, but I guess not..."
"Jeongin," you grit out. He fishes a key out of his pocket and unlocks the door without even sparing you a glance.
Sometimes, it is irritating just how well he knows you. Sure, it might be your fault for getting so riled up, but if there is one thing you hate more than anything, it is surprises.
Jeongin obviously knows that, and his annoying smirk is really getting on your last nerve. So much so that you hardly notice just how perfect the little cottage is.
"Yes?" He asks sweetly, his dimples on display as he flashes you an innocent grin.
You open your mouth to reply, but then he steps inside and opens the door wider, giving you a perfect view of the inside, and your words suddenly evade you.
"What..." you trail off with a gasp.
"Told you it would be worth it," Jeongin says smugly.
The interior of the cottage is whimsical, with exposed wood pillars, the sprawling bookshelf of your dreams, and a pop of pastel here and there, but what really takes your breath away is the view.
On the far facing wall, a large window overlooks the cliffside that the cottage is sat upon, and the idyllic seaside view is so gorgeous your brain starts malfunctioning.
For some reason that you are unable to place, your throat tightens. The cottage is beautiful, but it is the amount of thought that Jeongin put into itâthis whole weekendâthat catches you off guard.
If you had to sum it up in one word, you would say it's romantic.
Romance and Jeongin in one thought, however, is enough to send you spiraling. He's your best friendâhe has been for years, and you would never do anything to compromise that. Ever. So what if your heart clenches sometimes when he's too nice, or your stomach flip flops when he looks particularly adorable, or your legs threaten to give out when you think about how much you care about him?
What the two of you have right now is perfect, and more importantly, it's enough.
"Wow," Jeongin whistles when you take too long to respond. "That good?"
"...It's alright, I guess," you throw back, the burn in the back of your throat still present even as you shrug your shoulders.
"Alright?" He scoffs. "Just alright?"
"Maybe if it didn't cost me an arm and a leg to get up here..." you trail off, walking towards the only bedroom in the cottage.
"I've seen you climb taller hills for half a bag of chips," Jeongin says.
"I have no idea what you're talking about!" You call, swinging the door open.
The bed inside looks just as dreamy as the rest of the house, and you waste no time collapsing into its fluffy mattress. It is only when you take a deep inhale of the cotton that it hits you.
"Jeongin," you begin slowly. "Why is there only one bed?"
"Huh?" His head peeks through the doorframe, gaze falling on where you lie on the bed.
"Hmm. I guess there is only one."
You narrow your eyes. "And you didn't think to check before you booked it?"
The sheepish look that stretches across his face is a familiar one.
"Well, in my defense," he reasons. "I was a little distracted by trying to figure out how I was going to get you here in the first place."
"Oh my god," you groan, facepalming. "I'm best friends with an idiot."
"Hey," he pouts. "Is sharing a bed with me really that bad?"
"Yes!" You burst out.
"You answered that a little bit too quickly."
You purse your lips. That's because the last time we shared a bed I was so turned on I almost begged you to fuck me, you want to scream at him. The words are on the tip of your tongueâbut then you remember that he is your best friend, and you stop yourself.
"You hog the blanket," you say instead. "And you're always so warm."
"I thought you liked that."
"Not in the middle of summer, Jeongin!"
"Whatever," he wallows. "I guess I'll just sleep on the couch, then... All alone... By myself..."
His lips pucker in a pout and you raise an eyebrow when he stares at you with wide eyes.
"You're supposed to say 'No, Jeongin, don't do that! Of course I would love to share a bed with you!'" He argues, glaring at you.
"I'm not going to lie," you snort.
He shrugs, picking up one of his bags and throwing it on the right side of the bed.
"Too bad," Jeongin sticks his tongue out at you. "It's my reward for being such a good friend."
"Um," you wrinkle your nose, shoving his bag off the bed.
"...Oh," he freezes, caught off guard by the unexpected action. You can physically pinpoint the moment his expression morphs from playful to unsure.
"Well, o-on a serious note, I'm totally fine sleeping on the couch i-if you'reâ"
"That's my side of the bed, you roll your eyes. "And if you hog the blankets tonight, I won't hesitate to kick you."
"Ohthankgod," he squeezes out in one breath, collapsing on the bed next to you.
"Yeah, yeah," you brush him off, snuggling deeper into the heavenly mattress. "Now leave me alone for like... two hours. I'm taking a nap."
"Um. No."
"And why the fuck not?"
Jeongin's hand wraps around your ankle. You yelp at the sensation of his warm fingers, and then you yelp again when he pulls you, dragging you to the edge of the bed.
"Let me think," he taps a finger against his chin. "Maybe because it's still the morning, and you spent the whole drive here being a little whiny baby?"
Jeongin towers over you, and your mind short circuits. The image is too suggestiveâthe pursing of his lips, the downturn of his gaze, not to mention the way that he is halfway straddling you, his legs on either side of your thighs, caging you in.
In another life, this position is leading to something very different. Your lips fall open with a soft puff of air, and all you can do is stare up at him.
But then you remember: he is your best friend.
"And," he continues, and a pang of guilt smacks you in the chest for having such lewd thoughts about him.
"I have a whole day planned for us. You can sleep when we come back."
You remain listless where you are and he frowns.
"Well?"
"I can't really move if you're on top of me," you say, your words coming out more breathy than you intended.
"Oh." Jeongin freezes as if he's only just realized the position you are in. "R-Right."
You aren't sure if you should be insulted by how quickly he scrambles away from you, and it does seem a little bit like overkill when he shoots to the opposite end of the room, but the further away he is, the easier it is to breathe, and so you ignore it.
"At least let me change first," you groan, pushing yourself off of the bed. "Give me five."
"Dibs on shower first!" You holler as you step into the cottage a few hours later.
Jeongin trails in behind you, letting the keys drop slowly from his hands onto the table. Although you hadn't been too enthused about doing anything earlier, the day he had planned out for you was actually very fun.
The day couldn't have been any more perfect. Even the weather was cooperative; the sun remained out the entire day, but a cool sea breeze sheltered you from the scorching heat of the summer, and you were thankful you had decided to wear your favorite flowy sundress out.
The only issue was that Jeongin seemed a little... distracted throughout it all.
It didn't matter how many times you asked him what was wrong. He remained tight-lipped, insisting that he was fine, that you really needed to stop worrying about him.
But even now, as he flops down onto the couch and stares listlessly at the wall, you can't help but feel a little worried. The glassy, distant look in his eyes makes your heart clench.
"Innie?" You prompt, leaning against the doorframe to the bedroom.
"Y-yeah?" He responds, finally looking at you. Exceptâno, he's not looking at you. He's looking somewhere past you.
To be more specific, at some distant point above your right shoulder.
"Just... Don't come in, I guess," you sigh.
He nods once.
Despite the cozy and humble atmosphere of the cottage, the bathroom is actually quite modern. A sleek marble countertop encases the pearl sink, and a waterfall shower is hidden within walls of frosted glass. Next to the shower, a large window overlooks the rolling clouds in the sky.
You turn the temperature as high as it goes and slip your dress off, letting it fall into a crumpled heap on the floor.
Once the water is warm enough, you step under the stream. As you go through the motions of washing yourself, your mind trails back to Jeongin.
You can't remember the last time you saw him so off. You can't remember if you've ever seen him like this, in fact.
You're not sure what is wrong with him, but the curiosity (laced with concern) gnaws at your stomach. Half an hour later, when you finally step out from under the steaming water, the thought still remains.
In a haze, you dry yourself and get dressed in an oversized t-shirt and sweats before stepping out in the living room. Jeongin is still glued to the couch, but he seems much more relaxed as he scrolls through his phone.
"Shower's all yours," you say.
When he looks up, you are relieved to find that his gaze seems much more clear and focused than it had all day. And when a groan escapes his lips and he reclines further into the couch, you know that he is definitely much better than he had been earlier.
"Stop being gross," you huff. "Go wash up so we can watch How to Train Your Dragon."
"Yeah, yeah," Jeongin gripes, but eventually pushes himself up.
"And hurry!" You call as he steps into the bedroom. "If you're not out in fifteen, I'm starting the movie without you!"
He flips you off right as he shuts the door, and you roll your eyes as you step into the kitchen.
The wide windows give you a perfect view of the sunset over the cliffs, and your stomach turns. It's so beautiful you feel like you can't breathe.
You pour yourself a glass of water and take a large gulp, a strange sense of calm setting over you. You can't recall the last time you felt this at peaceânot with all the stress from work and your recently ended situationship. It only makes you even more thankful to have such an amazing friend like Jeongin.
After you finish your water, you head into the living room and begin tidying up for movie night. It only takes a few minutes to get everything readyâthe blankets are laid out, the drinks are set up.
Except, when you reach for your phone to order the pizza, you find it is not there. A moment of panic washes over you, until you remember setting it down right before your shower. Which means that your phone must still be in the bathroom.
The faint sound of running water when you approach the bedroom tells you that Jeongin is still in the shower.
"Jeongin?" You knock on the door, but there is no answer. He must not be able to hear you, you think to yourself as you push the bedroom door open and step inside.
The water is louder, and you call his name out again. "Innie?"
No response still.
You knock twice, hoping that he'll be able to hear that at least, but the only reply you get comes in the form of a soft, pained grunt, as if he has just stubbed his toe.
"Jeongin, hello?"
Your hand hovers over the doorknob, a conflicting swirl of emotions welling up inside you. Should you go in? Your phone is on the counter right next to the door, and the shower is frosted glass. It's not like you would see anything, and you would be in and out so quick he wouldn't notice.
And besides, even if you did see something, it wouldn't be the first time. You don't go so many years being best friends with a person and not seeing them naked accidentally at least once.
Yeah, you reason to yourself, it's no big deal. And besides, you really wanted that pizza...
When you turn the doorknob, you're half surprised to meet no resistance. Then again, Jeongin is the type to forget to lock the door.
You push the door open slowly, breathing a sigh of relief when your phone on the counter comes into view. Your eyes drop down to the ground, and you notice that your phone isn't the only thing you left in the bathroomâyou had left your dress on the ground, too.
And right next to it lies a pile of Jeongin's discarded clothes.
Your face flushes. There is something strangely intimate about seeing your clothes and his right next to each other. It's so embarrassing to be worked up over such a small thing, and you want to smack yourself for how middle-school it is that such a silly coincidence sends your heart fluttering.
Instead, you take a step inside, slowly, reaching for your phone.
Your hand has just closed around it, a sense of accomplishment-slash-relief swelling in your chest, when you hear a choked moan coming from the shower.
Your heart stops in your chest, and then starts again with a sputter.
What the fuck was that?
And then, you hear the sound again.
Your phone clatters from your grasp as ice sparks through your veins.
There's no way, you think to yourself.
There is no way you just walked in on Jeongin jerking off in the shower.
Is there?
Almost as if you're possessed, you turn towards the shower, towards where your best friend is naked and under the steady stream of water only a few feet away from you.
And even though the glass walls of the shower are frosted only from the neck down, the vague shape of his hand wrapped around himself is unmistakable.
Unbidden, a gasp slips from your lips as a strange mixture of arousal and shame hits you in the chest. Even though you can't see anything, the insinuation is enough to make your blood run hot.
And then, in the most unfortunate turn of events, Jeongin chooses that exact moment to look up.
The scream that escapes his lips would have been comical, if you hadn't also screamed. But hey, what else were you supposed to do? You didn't expect him to actually look up at you. No, actuallyâyou didn't expect to walk in on him jacking off at all.
"W-Whatâ?" Jeongin splutters, flushedâin embarrassment or arousal, you aren't sure.
"I'm sorry!" You screech, your face on fire as you avert your eyes by staring upwards at the ceiling. "I was just trying to get my phone!"
"Oh my god," Jeongin groans, his eyes squeezing shut. "Oh my god, this isn't happening."
"I'm leaving, I'm leaving!" You chant. "I'm so sorry!"
You run out so fast he barely has the chance to respond, and the slamming of the door behind you is so loud it echoes throughout the cottage.
The silence is deafening as you collapse onto the couch in the living room, a hand held to your chest to help calm your racing heart.
You can't think about what you just sawâyou refuse to. So, to distract yourself, you turn on the TV and raise the volume loud enough to drown out your thoughts.
Still, you find it impossible to focus on whatever is playing on the screen in front of you.
Ten minutes later, the sound of the shower fades away. Your heart races as you think about what Jeongin is doing in there for so longâdid he just continue on after you ran out?
It isn't your place to think thoughts like that about him, however, so you remain seated where you are and wait for him to come out and join you.
Only, he never does. Which you should have expected. After all, is movie night really still in the cards? In your rush to escape the bathroom, you had forgotten your phone in there, so there was no pizza anyways. Not to mention the elephant in the cottage with you...
"Innie?" You peek into the bedroom, only to find him cocooned in the bedsheets, his face hidden from sight.
"Are you awake?"
He doesn't respond, but his breathing gets a little shallower at the sound of your voice.
When you settle down on your side of the bed, he rolls over to face away from you.
"Go away," he mumbles.
"Why?"
"I'm embarrassed," he whines, "and I don't want to look at you or I might cry."
"I'm sorry," you apologize immediately, a frown creeping onto your face.
"Ugh," he groans. "It's not your fault..."
"It kind of is," you point out.
He shakes his head.
"Listen," you sigh. "There's no need to be embarrassed about this, if you really think about it! Masturbating is a natural, healthy thing, and you shouldn't be ashamed of your virility."
"Shut up," Jeongin whines. "Why did you have to say it like that?"
"Because it's true!" You insist, trying to will away the image of what his hand wrapped around his dick might look like if there hadn't been a frosted pane of fucking glass between the two of you earlier.
"And besides," you continue. "We're best friends. I've seen you do loads of embarrassing things. Jerking off in the shower doesn't even make the top five."
"Gee, thanks," his face is still buried under the sheets, but you don't have to see it to know that he is rolling his eyes.
"If it makes you feel better, I'll pretend I never saw anything," you tell him.
He is silent for a moment.
Then, he throws the covers off of himself and sits up, looking you dead in the eye.
"Whatever!" He exclaims finally, pouting at you. "It doesn't matter anyways."
"Exactly!" You nod vigorously. "And besides, it's not like I saw much."
Strands of his damp hair cling to his forehead, and his brow furrows.
"Your loss," he shrugs. "I'm, like, insanely hot."
You scoff at how serious he looks. "You're so annoying."
"And you're a perv," he snarks back.
"Fuck you," you bite.
"You wish!"
"Shut up," you deadpan. "Now, are you done being a baby? We still have a movie to watch."
The next morning when you wake up, it is with buttery sunbeams on your face and Jeongin's dick against your back.
In your half-awake haze, you haven't quite processed where you are. The last thing you remember is falling asleep on opposite ends of the bed after a very emotional rewatch of Jeongin's favorite movie.
And now? Well, it's safe to say that distance was not maintained throughout the night.
In this moment, there are only three truths: a warm, heavy arm is splayed over your torso, pinning you to the bed. Something solid is firm and hard against the small of your back. And when you roll your hips upwards against it, a muffle moan sounds behind you.
The noise is so enticing that you can't help but roll your hips again, relishing the feeling.
Only, half a moment later, do you realize what exactly it isâwho exactly it is. Your eyes snap open.
Now, there are four truths: Jeongin's arm is wrapped around you, his dick is hard against your back, you are insanely turned on... And you need to get away from him before he wakes up.
Despite your racing heart, you try you best to pry his arm off of you gently. You can't imagine the embarrassment (on both your parts) if he was to wake up right now. Especially not after last night.
Thankfully, though, he remains asleep once you escape his grasp, stretching out his limbs. Your skin is flushed as you stand over the bed, and you can't help but feel like a creep. First, you accidentally walk in on him jerking off, and then you rub yourself all over him while he's sleeping?
You are the worst friend ever.
Shame washed over you as you hurry into the bathroom. In an attempt to calm yourself down, you spend longer than usual on your morning routine. So maybe it doesn't take ten minutes to tone your face, but you are still dazed with arousal and embarrassment, both of which cause you to move slower than usual.
Thirty minutes later when you walk back into the bedroom, you find Jeongin awake and scrolling through his phone.
"Hey," he greets you, his messy hair falling into his eyes.
"Hi," you say back, hoping you don't sound as awkward as you feel.
"Did you sleep well?" He asks innocently. Your face heats up.
"Y-Yup!" You exclaim.
Jeongin's gaze lingers on you, his lips pursed.
"Anyways," you continue quickly. "What's the plan for today?"
"Oh," he visibly brightens. "Well, I was thinking we could take a walk around town, and then maybe do a boat tour in the afternoon, if you're down for it?"
The bashful way he asks you makes your heart melt, especially with the dangerous knowledge that he's probably already booked the boat tour, just in case you say yes.
"That sounds great," you tell him.
He grins and his eyes disappear behind his dimples, which in turn makes you want to disappear.
"Great," he says happily. "What d'you say we leave in an hour?"
"An hour?" You raise a brow teasingly. "You sure that's enough time for you to get ready?"
He scoffs, pushing himself up from the bed. "Don't be rude."
"Better get a head start," you call as he walks towards the bathroom. Predictably, he sticks his tongue out in your direction before letting the door shut.
As Jeongin gets ready, you rifle through your bag, trying to decide on an outfit for the day. The weather is nice and sunny, and it doesn't take long for you to decide on a dress, similar to the one you wore yesterday: this time, it is light green, short, and flowy enough that you won't have to worry about overheating.
In the time it takes him to finish getting ready, you manage to work your way through an ungodly amount of true crime Youtube videos. You are stretched out on the bed, stomach down, as a mukbang-style recount of a serial killer spree plays on your phone when Jeongin finally walks out of the bathroom.
"Finally," you complain, pushing yourself up into a sitting position. "Are you ready?"
He takes a moment too long to respond, and concern washes over you. When you look up at the way he is all but gaping at you, that concern only intensifies.
"Oh..." Jeongin stutters, frozen in the doorway.
"What?" You ask, self-conscious under his piercing gaze. "Is there something wrong?"
Your brow furrows as you look down at yourself, trying to figure out if your clothes are inside out, or if there is some horrific toothpaste stain that you managed to miss. However, a quick perusal of your outfit indicates that nothing seems to be out of place.
You look back up and Jeongin is still staring.
"Does it... Does it not look good?"
This was your first time wearing this dress. You bought it a few months ago when it caught your eye in the store, hoping that maybe you'd get to dress up and look nicer than usual. It wasn't something you did often but you had just started seeing someone new back then, so you thoughtâwell, why not?
"Jaehyun didn't like it much," you blabber on. "But I thought it was fine. Although, maybe it does look a little off... Should I change? I should change, right?"
Jaehyun was a nice guy, for all intents and purposes. You met him through a friend of a friend, and when he asked you out you said yes immediately, if only because you were bored and desperately in need of a distraction from your turbulent feelings for your best friend.
You liked him well enough, even if he did sometimes say things without thinking. Like how he didn't think green suited you, or that he thought you looked infinitely better in pants instead of dresses. When things ended with him, you weren't too torn up about it, however, so you must not have liked him that much.
At the mention of your ex, Jeongin scoffs.
"That asshole? Don't listen to anything he says. You look great... Beautiful, really."
Your cheeks heat up at the fervor in his voice.
"R-Really?"
He nods vigorously.
"Thanks, Innie..." You mumble.
He is still standing in the doorway, but whatever spell he is under seems to break as he looks at you. Suddenly shy under his gaze, you avoid eye contact as you fidget with the hem of your dress.
"If you don't mind me asking..." Jeongin hesitates. "Why did you end things with him, anyways? Not that I'm complaining! You just, y'know, never really told me what happened."
"Oh, I didn't end things," you say. "He did, actually."
"What?" Jeongin hisses as if he has been physically hit.
You nod.
"Why would he do that?" The genuine disbelief in his voice, as if he can't possibly wrap his mind around what you are saying, floors you. He sounds so personally offended, and you can't help but smile at what a loyal friend he is.
Then his question actually registers and your smile fades away, discomfort churning in your stomach.
"He, uh," you pause. "Well. He didn't like... How close you and I are."
"You're joking."
You shake your head.
Jeongin's eyes are wide and he asks, "did he, like, tell you to choose between me and him?"
He laughs slightly at the end as if it is a joke, but you remain silent.
"No way," he says. "No way."
"Yeah," you suck in a breath. "That was pretty much my reaction, too."
"What an asshole," he scoffs. "Why did you even stay with him for so long?"
There is an edge to his voice, and your brow furrows.
"Because he was nice, and I liked him," you say, slightly irritated at the accusation in his tone.
"Really?" He pins you with a look, as if to say he doesn't think the reason is good enough.
"Yes, Jeongin, and he liked me too. Why else do people see each other?"
"Well it doesn't sound like he liked you that much," Jeongin mutters.
You frown, not liking the way his words pierce you. Maybe it was true that Jaehyun didn't like you that much. But he did like you, which was more than you could say about Jeongin. Who was he to have an opinion on your love life? He might be your best friend, but you don't appreciate the way he is judging you right nowâespecially for something that is well and truly over.
"I..." You feel more vulnerable than you would like. "You asked what happened and I told you. Why... Why are you mad at me for this?"
"I'm not mad at you," Jeongin says automatically, and his words are softer, lacking the heat they had only moments before.
"It sounds like you are..."
"No," he inhales, chewing on his lip. "God, no. I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at him."
"Really...?" You ask dubiously.
"Really!" Jeongin exclaims. "It just pisses me off that he treated you like that. Like, who does he think he is? God, he's always been such a dick!"
You pause, taking in the taut lines of agitation on his face. By now, he has abandoned his position in the doorway in favor of pacing around the room.
"What...?" You say, lost. "But I thought you liked him!"
"Uh, fuck no," he rolls his eyes. "I've never liked him. Literally anyways could treat you better than he did."
A moment passes.
"I could treat you better."
Your breath catches in your throat.
Under any other circumstances, his words would seem normal. You might have been able to brush it off as a joke, maybe even laughed a little.
But the earnest way he is looking at you, the resolute way his hands wring together as he looks at youâreally looks at you, tells you that there is more to what he is saying.
HIs pacing has come to a halt, and even from the opposite end of the room, you can see the uneasy rawness in his expression.
"What..." You hiccup. "Why do you say that?"
He considers your question for a moment, a thousand thoughts brewing in his head. It seems as if he is on the precipice of two impossible choices. Then, he takes a steely breath and nods.
"Because I mean it."
The words leave his lips and your heartbeat quickens.
"I don't understand..." You say faintly.
Frustrated, Jeongin runs a hand through his hair. His pacing resumes and he fidgets with his fingers as you watch, unsure what he is going to do next.
"Am I really...?" He mutters, more to himself than to you. "Really...? Okay, yeah, I am."
As you watch, he rolls his shoulders back and then sets his eyes on you, walking over and taking a seat on the bed next to you.
He is close enough that your things are touching and your heart stutters at the imploring look in his eyes. His hand wraps around yours, pulling it into his lap.
You look down at your joined hands, and then up at him again.
"Jeongin?" You ask tentatively.
"Just..." He practically chokes, his eyes sliding shut.
"Are you okay?" A concoction of worry and anticipation swirls inside you.
"Yeah, okay. I'm just going to say it."
"Okay."
"This is kind of embarrassing," he laughs. "I mean, why is this so hard? You literally just walked in on me with my hand around my dick yesterday but this seems, like, ten times worse."
Heat shoots through you.
"W-What...?" You breathe unable to stop the way your gaze drops to his covered crotch, only a few inches away from your joined hands.
Jeongin had decided on wearing jeans today, the baggy dad-fit kind, and although they are loose, you can't help but imagine what might lie underneath.
"Wait..." Jeongin says. "Are you staring at my dick right now?"
"What? No!"
"Really? It sure looks like you are."
"There's a stain," you fib, dragging your eyes away from him.
"I just bought these two days ago."
"Okay," you inhale. "Fine. Maybe I was. But also, y'know, maybe I wasn't."
When you look at his face, a small smile threatens to break out across it.
"D'you want a closer look?" He teases.
You scoff, yanking your hand out of his.
"Weren't you saying something?" You ask pointedly.
"Sorry, you're right," he nods, gently taking your hand back. Except this time, he pulls the rest of you along with it, dragging you flush onto his lap.
Your cheeks flush immediately, but Jeongin doesn't seem at all embarrassed by this new position.
"I'm trying to confess my feelings for you right now," he continues. "We can talk about my dick later."
"You're... what for me?!"
He raises a brow, surprisingly calm.
"Feelings," Jeongin says slowly. "I have them. For you. Romantically, y'know."
You scoff. "Don't be condescending. I heard what you said!"
"I was just trying to help," he tells you innocently. "You seemed confused.
"Because I am!" You cry. "What are you saying? Y-You can't be serious."
"Yes, I am," he rolls his eyes. "I like you, a lot, in case you couldn't tell."
You gape at him.
"And you must like me too," he adds, "considering the way you were just staring at my dick."
You glare at him, unable to fight the fierce heat that rises to your cheeks even as you break your hand free from his grasp once again.
"Shut up," you groan, placing your hands square on his chest. A teasing smile stretches across his face, and then slowly slips away as you wiggle in his lap, trying to get off of him.
Jeongin's breath catches in his throat and his hands automatically drift to your hips, holding you in place.
"Let me go," you whine, increasing your efforts. "You're saying weird things and I, like, need a moment."
"Oh my god. You need to stop doing that."
"Doing what?" You snark.
He looks at you pointedly, a dark look in his eyes, and you wriggle some more, untilâ
"Oh," you gasp, surprising by the hard feeling poking against your thigh. "Jeongin, w-what the hell?"
"It's not my fault," he groans. "I told you to stop! And you look so good in this stupid dress I-I couldn't help it..."
"I don't understand," you stutter, arousal shooting straight to your core. "Where is this coming from?"
"You can't be serious," Jeongin mutters, and against your will, you squirm at the hoarse quality of his voice.
"âFuck, please don't do that."
He sounds physically in pain, and you inhale sharply as his grip tightens on your hips, bruising as he holds you in place. His hands are so bigâa fact you have always known, but seems somehow unavoidable now that they are holding you down on his lap.
"Iâ" You begin.
"You really had no idea how I feel about you?" Jeongin asks, pulling you closer to him. "Like, at all?"
"Oh," the moan escapes your lips at the delicious drag of your clothed core against his leg.
"Fuck, I wasn't going to tell you like this," he mumbles, his head falling against your shoulder. "I wasn't going to tell you at all. But I justâ"
He inhales.
"I wanted to do this the right way, at least," Jeongin's jaw clenches.
"You are definitely doing this the right way," you say lowly, and then immediately blush afterwards. The words weren't supposed to come out, but his fingers tighten on your hips, and your thighs tighten around his leg.
"Shut up," he huffs, but there is a burgeoning hope underlying his tone. "I'm trying to be romantic here."
You consider his words. This position is making you deliriousâyou have always dreamed of this, Jeongin under you... no, Jeongin having feelings for you. It's euphoric, knowing that he actually cares about you the way you care about him. But the heat building up in the pit of your stomach is increasingly distracting, and all you want to do right now is grind down and get some relief.
You worry your bottom lip between your teeth, and then look up at him with wide eyes.
"You can be romantic after you fuck me," you say boldly.
A muffled groan escapes his lips and his hips ruth shallowly upwards at your words.
"Don't say things like that," he whines. "Iâ"
"Yes?" One of your hands creeps up his thighs.
"No," Jeongin glares at you. He snatches your sneaky wrist, yanking it away from you, and his unforgiving grip only sends another shot of arousal through you.
"If I fuck you," he breathes, "it'll be after I tell you how I feel."
You perk up. "So that means you are going to fuck me?"
He runs a frustrated hand through his hair. "Not if you keep acting like a brat."
You raise a brow wordlessly, and Jeongin's hold on your wrist loosens at the look in your eyes.
In this position, your dress is ridden up to the top of your thighs, leaving little to nothing to the imagination. You don't miss the way that his gaze travels up your legs, snagging on the green material as he chews on the inside of his cheek.
A mischievous, horny half-thought forms in your head. Your hands drift to the hem of your dress, and then before he can stop youâor worse, before you can stop yourselfâyou tug it up high enough to put your lace panties on display.
"Y/N." Your name is a choked whine as it leaves his lips.
"Yes?"
Jeongin takes a deep breath, his eyes focused on the ceiling in an attempt to collect himself.
"I don'tâI mean, I wantâ" He struggles.
"Is something wrong, Innie?"
"I'm trying to tell you that I like you, but you're being so fucking difficult. Can't you wait, like, two minutes?"
"Oh my god, shut up," you breathe finally, squirming closer to him. "You like me, I get it! I like you too, obviously. I would like you better if your dick was inside me, but whatever. Can we fuck now?"
Your hand inches up his thigh again, and this time he doesn't have the chance to stop you before you're dragging a finger along the crotch of his jeans.
Half a sigh escapes his lips and then he grabs your hand, adjusting your grip so that you are fully palming him through the thick material.
"If you're going to be a brat," he groans, "at least do it right."
A wicked grin stretches across your lips.
"Gladly."
You reach for his zipper, eager to get his pants off so you can feel the full weight of him in your hands. But before you have the chance, Jeongin's hand wraps around the back of your neck, pulling you down to his lips.
"Youâ" he presses his lips against yours, hard. "âare suchâ" The words vibrate against your lips and you fight the urge to whimper, "âa tease."
"I'm trying to touch your dick," you pout between kisses.
Technically, you are touching his dick, but it's not enough. Not since yesterday, when the tantalizing what if wormed its way into your mind. It is pure torment, knowing all the lies between you and your prize is one measly layer of denim.
It is even more annoying that Jeongin has decided to distract you with pecks on the lips that are surprisingly tame, considering that he is insanely hard beneath you.
"And I," he glares, "am trying to tell you how much I adore and admire you."
The effect of his resolve is half-lost when his eyes flicker down to your chest, glazing over in lust as he stares at the shape of your body.
"Do that later," you hiss.
Your efforts with your hands are momentarily forgotten as you focus your attention solely on his lips.
Determined to deepen the kiss, you wrap your arms around his neck and pull yourself as close as you can, scooting up in his lap and molding the front of your body to his.
In this new position, your core is directly over his clothed cock and you grind down on him at the same time that you lick a long stripe against the seam of his lip.
Your actions have the desired effect when Jeongin's lips part in a soundless moan. His willpower quakes when your tongue slides into his mouth, and the way he kisses you back is sloppy, as if he is trying to swallow you whole.
But then, almost too quickly, he remembers himself. With a surprisingly sexy amount of self control, he manages to pull himself away from you.
A small whine escapes you and your lips try to follow his, but Jeongin's hand wraps around your throat and holds you where you are.
"Who said you could do that?" He asks. His lips are red and swollen as they turn upwards in a foreboding smirk.
"Sorry, I didn't know I needed permission to kiss you," you scoff. "Or did you not like it?"
"Oh, I liked it," Jeongin says, unaffected by your taunt. "What I would like more is for you to shut up and actually listen to me, but it's okay. We'll get there eventually."
"Sure," you roll your eyes.
A competitive glint steals its way into his gaze. "Is that a challenge?"
"And if it is?"
"Mmm, baby, I was hoping you would say that."
And then, before you can react, he pushes you roughly off of him. Not expecting the motion, you fall into a heap on top of the bed sheets, a gasp caught in your throat.
When you look up, Jeongin peels his shirt off, maintaining eye contact even as he settles against the headboard, palming himself through his pants.
"That wasn't very nice," you push yourself up onto your knees.
He raises a brow, his gaze raking up and down your body.
"Why are you so far away?" You complain. "I thought you were going to fuck me."
"Hasn't anyone ever told you that patience is a virtue?"
You can't deny how hot it is, being so close but so far away, able to look but not touch him. There is something vaguely humiliating in the distance between the two of you, and Jeongin's heated gaze pins you in place.
"Patience is for losers," you huff childishly. "Are you going to touch me or do I have to do all the work myself?"
You realize your mistake a moment too late.
"Hmm, you're right," he muses. "Why should I touch you when you can do it yourself?"
It's too late to take it back, and you refuse to beg, so you keep your mouth shut.
"It's only fair, don't you think? You saw me, now it's my turn."
Jeongin's innocent smile coupled with his sharp words is enough to set you alight.
Still, you hesitate, your lips parted in a half 'o' as you consider his words.
"Touch yourself for me, or I won't touch you at all."
"Ugh," you whine finally, seeing the promise in his eyes. "Fine."
"Don't be a brat," Jeongin warns.
You can't help but roll your eyes, and yet when you bring your hand down to your clothed core, a shy flush works itself onto your face.
It isn't like you have never touched yourself before, but you can't remember the last time you had such a rapt audience, and it isn't just anyone watching youâit's Jeongin.
There is a sort of thrill to the way he stares you down, strong desire evident in his gaze even as he remains perfectly still. That thrill is then only heightened by the fact that you are still completely clothed, your skirt flipped up so that he has a perfect view of what is underneath.
With a deep breath, you run a hesitant finger once over the fabric of your panties, then twice. Jeongin is only able to watch your timid ministrations with a singular focus, and it emboldens you enough to push the thin fabric covering you to the side.
He inhales sharply at the sight.
"Oh my god," the strangled words barely escape his mouth, and you don't miss the way he squeezes himself tighter.
You lick your lips at the sight and slowly trail a finger down, circling yourself bare with small, light figure eights.
"Does that feel good?" Jeongin asks, and the eagerness in his voice surprises you. His voice is steady, and if you weren't able to see his blown out pupils for yourself, you would think that he was genuinely, objectively interested in the answer to the question.
"I guess..."
Even though you are insanely turned on, your fingers aren't doing much for you right now. You have always needed something elseâa toy, a helping hand, anythingâto help you get off this way. Jeongin's surveilling gaze is certainly helping, but predictably, you can't help but feel a little bit stuck.
"You don't sound very sure." You aren't sure how he manages to sound both condescending and caring at the same time.
Your lip snags between your teeth in frustration.
"It's... It's not enough."
"Hmm," he remains still.
"Jeongin..." His name comes out breathy.
"Aww," he coos. "D'you need some help?"
"You're so annoying," you growl.
"And you're so mouthy," he rolls his eyes and a hand wraps around your ankle, yanking you towards him.
In only a second, you all but fall onto his lap. You can't help the moan that escapes you at his manhandling, and his lips twist in a smirk when he hears it.
"Is this better?" He teases.
Your thighs lay over his, but your core is far away from where you want it to be most: flush against his dick. In an attempt to get closer, you wriggle your hips, but Jeongin's hands come down and hold them firmly in place.
"Can you get off like this?"
You glare at him. The tone in which he asks the question hints that he already knows the answer is no.
"Try," he says, "and maybe if you're good, I'll give you a reward."
Frustrated, you bring two fingers down to your clit and continue your slow circling, faster this time as you teeter between the desire to ease the pressure and the desire to defy Jeongin.
"Wanna know what I was thinking about yesterday?" He asks casually, his eyes focused again on the languid movement of your fingers.
"H-Huh?"
"When you walked in on me," he clarifies.
"Oh."
"I was thinking about you," Jeongin says. "You and that stupid fucking dress you were wearing."
Your breath catches in your throat and you clench around nothing. his eyes are dark and his hand drifts down to squeeze himself as he continues.
"Every time you wear one of those dresses," he inhales, tugging on the hem of your skirt, "It makes me lose my mind. Did you know that?"
You bite your lip, your fingers pressing down harder against you.
"They're just so... ugh." He pants, squeezing himself tighter. "It would be so easy to flip it up and have my way with you."
His words are torture, especially with the devout way he refuses to touch you. You breathe shakily, trying to ignore the way his voice goes straight through you.
"Just one move, mmm, and you could sit on my dick, anywhere you want. Nobody would even have to know."
His hips rut upwards, and you know that he isn't as unaffected as he seems.
"Would you like that?" He asks. "I bet you would."
"And who said I would let you?"
His eyes darken.
"I-I mean, you'd have to earn it first," you lick your lips.
"Earn it?" he murmurs. "How? Like this?"
And then he pulls you forward so that your body is flush with his. The position is reminiscent of a few moments ago, when your tongue had been down his throat, but this time Jeongin's lips go straight for your throat and his fingers make their way to your core, pushing yours out of the way.
"Oh."
It astounds you just how different his hand feels from your own. He keeps the same pace as you, and yet arousal sparks through your veins in a way that you have never been able to achieve on your own.
"You're so wet," he says against your skin, sucking a bruise under the curve of your jaw. "How are you this wet?"
That, of course, only sends more arousal shooting down to your core, gushing against his fingers, and his eyes roll back.
"You're so hot. Oh my god."
"Keep talking like that," you sigh, "and you'll definitely earn something."
"Like what?" His hips roll up right as he presses down deeper and you swear you almost black out.
"S-something like your dick in my mouth, maybe."
"Ugh," Jeongin hisses, and his hand stills.
"Whatâ?" You quiver on his lap from the sudden loss of sensation.
"Sorry," his eyes screw shut and his hand move to your hips, repositioning you on his lap so that you are no longer directly on his dick.
He purses his lips, a light blush rising to his cheeks.
"Yes?"
"I was like, two seconds away from coming in my pants, and that would have been so embarrassing."
His confession is surprisingly candid for how abashed he sounds.
"Oh my god," you whimper, clenching down on nothing. "That's so hot."
"Fuck. You're like, insane. What the fuck?"
You narrow your eyes. "We've been best friends for years. You're only realizing that now?"
"I was a little distracted by other things about you," he breathes against your neck.
You huff, a retort ready, but then his mouth is on you again.
"C-Can you just fuck me already?" You whine instead. "IâI need to feel you or I'll die."
"You're so dramatic," he rolls his eyes.
Your hands have a mind of their own as they travel down to his pants, squeezing him through them. His head falls into the crook of your shoulder with a moan, but he doesn't stop you even as you drag the zipper down.
And then, he lets out the most delicious sound as you reach into his boxers and wrap your fingers around the head of his cock. The weight of it feels perfect in your hands and you waste no time in pulling him out of his boxers.
Your mouth goes dry at the first real look at him. He's big, bigger than you thought he would be, and you are dizzy at the thought of it.
How would he feel inside you? Would be even fit? The heat inside your chest sparks further.
"Stop looking at me like that," Jeongin grinds out.
You watch in awe as you give him an experimental stroke and his mouth drops open. Another stroke, and a strangled moan leaves his lips.
Curiously, you run a finger over the tip, gathering his precum before running your hand down his shaft once more.
"Oh my god," he moans into your shoulder. Jeongin's gaze is focused on your small hand moving over his cock, and your gaze is focused on face and the small reactions he gives you.
"You're evil," Jeongin hisses after a particularly vindictive squeeze.
"And you're hot," you say.
"O-okay, that's enoughâ"
He halts your hand, unwrapping your fingers from his cock. His face screws up and his hips unconsciously follow your touch as it leaves, but he remains steady when he pulls you away.
"Butâ" you pout.
"You can do that later," Jeongin breathes. "Unless you would rather I come in your hands instead of inside you?"
"No," you shake your head quickly. "The second one. Let's do that one."
A smirk slips across his face and then one hand is on your hip again, pulling you even closer as the other wraps around the base of his cock.
"I'm going to..." he breathes. "Can I fuck you now?"
"Hmm..." You tap a finger to your chin. "i dunno, what happened to not fucking me until you told me how you feel?"
"I hate you, that's how I feel," he mutters, his brow furrowed.
"I don't think soâoh."
Your taunt trails off as he brushes the head of his dick against your core. The feeling of him hot in between your legs is enough for you to whimper.
"Let me fuck you," he says again. "Please?"
You nod, lightheaded as he continues to rub his cock against you.
"Yeah. Yes. Please, fuck me."
"Thank god," he breathes.
His fingers hook your panties even further to the side and then you lift your hips up so that you are hovering just above him. With an unsteady breath, Jeongin positions his dick right at your entrance.
He looks up at you, his pupils blown out with lust.
"Ready?" He asks in a voice that is surprisingly tender.
You nod again, and then slowly sink down on him.
"Fuck," he chokes out.
The stretch is unfamiliar, and you bite down on your lip to stifle the sound that threatens to escape. You knew he was big, but the burn of him opening you up still catches you off guard.
Jeongin notices your expression immediately, and his hands on your hips stop you in your path.
"Are you okay?" His voice is laced with concern.
"I'm good. Justâso big."
"Sorry," he whispers. "We... we don't have to do this right now."
"No!" You shake your head. "No, I want to. Just... give me a second."
He nods understandingly.
"Take your time."
He is barely even halfway inside you at this point, but you breathe in through your nose as you wait to adjust to his size. A few moments later, the burn fades mostly away into a dull ache, which then gives way to the threads of arousal that had previously been wrapping around you.
All it takes is one look at Jeongin's wrecked expression for that arousal to increase tenfold. You can feel yourself growing wetter at the expression on his face, and then he groans, and you know that he must have felt it too.
"Whatâ" He begins, but his sentence breaks off into a moan as you roll your hips forward and then slowly push yourself downward once more.
"Youâoh, you feel so..." Jeongin blabbers.
"Yes?" You ask, pleasantly surprised as the pain slowly fades into pleasure.
"So good," he gasps. His eyes are unfocused, and when you finally are able to take him fully to the hilt, he squeezes your hips.
"You'reâ" he breathes. "You're doing so well."
The praise sends more heat through you and you unintentionally clench down on him.
"Holy shit," he whines.
"You're so big," you hiss.
He nods quickly, and you aren't sure if he heard what you said.
"Can you," he begins. "Well, I mean, whenever you're ready, can you maybe move?"
"O-only because you asked so nicely."
And then, quicker than he can process, you lift yourself up and swivel your hips downwards.
"Oh," you both moan at the same time.
Experimentally you repeat the motion, and a shot of heat moves through you when it garners the same reaction. It doesn't take long before you have built up a steady rhythm, riding him as he moans beneath you.
"Whereâoh, where d-did you learn how to do this?" He pants, his arms wrapping around you to pull you closer.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" You tease, breathing heavy from both pleasure and exertion.
"You're so good," he murmurs against your neck, moaning when you roll your hips a way that allows him to reach inside deeper than before. "So, so good, oh my god."
His mouth moves to your throat, placing sloppy kisses up and down the column of your neck.
"You're so pretty like this. And I'm the only one who gets to see, hmm?"
"Yeah," you breathe. "O-only you."
The force of your riding allows the skirt of your dress, previously rolled up to your torso, to fall back down. There is something sensual and dirty about the way that you are both still clothedâyou, with your panties haphazardly pushed to the side and him, with his cock just barely pulled out of his pants. It makes you go crazy, how you can't even see the way you sink down on him because of all the fabric in between.
"Jeongin," you whimper. "Iâoh my god, you feel so good, I think I-I'm close..."
"Already?" He teases, panting as he sucks a bruise against your jaw.
You nod, your movements getting more and more sloppy as the pleasure builds.
"Iâ" you moan, but the build is too slow to actually push you over the edge. "I can't."
The frustration in your voice has Jeongin thrusting upwards to meet the roll of your hips.
"Not enough?" He asks, and you nod pathetically.
He pulls away, his hands on your hips moving to stop you. You are so fucked out that you hardly notice that he is pulling out of you until you feel the glaring absence of him.
"Whatâ" You whimper, close to tears at the visceral loss.
"Shh," he soothes, swallowing your words with a chaste kiss to the lips. "Don't worry, baby, I'm going to take care of you."
Jeongin's tongue peeks out of his mouth as he pushes you down, slowly, until you are laid flat on your back. A small whine builds in the back of your throat and you fist the sheets beneath you, not really knowing what is going on except that Jeongin was fucking you and now no longer is.
Then, before you even have to ask, he is back at your entrance, pushing into you.
This time, it is much easier to accommodate the stretch. His first stroke is enough to bring you back to the precipice you had been on earlier, and Jeongin chokes audibly when you clench down on him.
"So tight," he grunts, thrusting into you again. "You feel like heaven."
You bite into the heel of your palm as the whimpers begin to build up in your throat.
"Don't do that," Jeongin groans, his next stroke languid and deep enough to have you seeing stars.
His hand wraps around your wrist, pulling it away from your mouth.
"Wanna hear you," he pants. You moan as he thrusts into you again, somehow even deeper. "Yeah, just like that."
His fingers push your palm flat against the bed next to you, and then gently intertwine with yours, an intimate juxtaposition to the precise snap of his hips above you.
"You're so beautiful," he groans. "I like you so much."
"Jeongin," you whimper when he brushes against your g-spot. "I-I'm close. Please, please."
"Yeah?"
"M-more," you nod, your eyes glazed over.
The frantic pace that he builds up has him moaning as he pulls your hips towards him.
"You look so perfect like this," he gasps. "I'll never be able to look at you in a dress again without thinking of this, fuck."
His fingers fist the hem of your dress, pushing it up until it bunches just under your chin.
"Close," you whisper. "Sososo close, oh my god, please Innie..."
"Are you gonna come?" He asks. "It's okay baby, come for me. Please, wanna feel it."
His movements are jerky now but you hardly notice because his words are enough to finally push you past your breaking point. One more well positioned thrust right against your g-spot has you seeing white, and with a gasp of his name, you come.
"Fuck, oh my god," his eyes screw tight. "You feel so good, so, so, so good. Holy shit, how are you even real?"
The words sound fuzzy as he continues to fuck you through your orgasm.
It is only a few moments, once you have finally come down from your high, that you are able to get a good look at Jeongin. His pace is still fast as he fucks into you, and you can't help but cringe away from the oversensitivity. But then, when you notice his flushed face and his taut eyebrows, you decide that the slight sting between your thighs is worth it.
After all, he looks so hot like thisâfrantic and desperate and so, so close.
"I'm gonna come," he gasps. "Where can I come?"
You blink slowly, wanting to engrain the image of him into your brain forever.
Then, you look up at him with wide eyes, and instead of responding, you simply open your mouth and stick your tongue out immediately.
"Fuuuuck," Jeongin groans. "Don't do this to me, holy shit."
He thrusts shallowly into you once more, and then swiftly pulls out, positioning himself over your mouth.
"You're not real," he says, "Iâgod, you're so hot."
He jerks himself off quickly, precisely, and with a gasp, he comes. You make sure to get every last drop, licking your lips slowly while maintaining brutal eye contact.
"Fuck," he whispers to himself, and then collapses on the bed next to you.
"So..." you say a few moments later. "What was that you were saying about how much you adore and admire me?"
"Sorry, what are you talking about?" Jeongin shoots back.
You roll over to face him, a pout stretched across your lips.
"Innie..."
He glares at you. "Oh, so now you want to talk about feelings."
You twirl a strand of hair around your fingers, looking away from him.
"You're such a brat," he groans, pulling you closer so he can wrap an arm around you. "...It's really unfortunately that I like you so much."
The grin that stretches across your face is blinding.
"I like you too," you add. "Y'know, just for the record."
"Really? I thought you fucked all your friends like that."
"Just the special ones," you simper.
"Whatever," he says, but then presses a tender kiss to your forehead.
You melt into his embrace, feeling more content than you had for weeks.
"Anyways," Jeongin declares. "As fun as that was, I think we need to get cleaned up quickly now."
"For what?" You ask, confused.
He raises a brow, pushing himself up. "We still have that boat tour to go on."
"...You're not serious."
You follow suit, sitting up so you can stare at him.
"Oh, I definitely am."
"C'mon," you whine, grabbing his hand. "For real?"
He nods. "Yup. There's no way you're getting out of this."
You pause.
"No way at all...?" You pout a little too innocently.
"Nope."
"...Really?" You fidget with the hem of your dress. And then, with a little smirk on your face, you pull it completely over your head.
Jeongin's eyes go wide and he stares at you, his gaze darkening once again.
"Well..." He mutters, pushing you so that you are flat on your back again. "I guess we can always try tomorrow..."
if you enjoyed, please don't forget to reblog and leave your feedback/opinions! tysm for reading <3
little note: only part in the series that doesn't have the same title as the song it's inspired by
Warnings/tags: fem!reader, unexperienced!reader, Switch!Reader (leaning sub), Bestie!Jisung, SoftDom!Jisung, petnames, making out, oral (M&F receiving), female orgasm, male orgasm, face fucking (s0ftly lol), virgin!reader, face grinding/sitting, cum eating, mention of food once, mention of not being able to sleep, unrecognized subspace. i think thats all
Note: I haven't been here for a while *giggles*. This just me picking up from where I left off. Also, late work for Han's Bday I guess. I dont have anything for Lixie :( i feel bad. But honestly, I've been working on this any many other things for monthssss. I hope you guys enjoy!
The music series, I chose songs and assign them to each member. I write each work according to the vibe of said song. Each work will have smut, whether it is soft, hard, or a mixture of the two. You donât need to listen to the song to enjoy it, the song would finish before youâre done reading but listening to the song in general is recommended, because why not? To learn more click <here>.
Sypnosis: Han is grateful for you being there, he always will be. But will you ever let him take care of you? He's willing to do it any way you'll allow him to.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction (not real). this is mature content and has mature themes. 18+. This is not a reflection of how skz act in real life
this isn't a jeongin one but you did ask to be tagged when i post so here you go, lol @dadonbabysworld
Part of the music series <masterlist>
âOne thing Iâm sure about you is that, whatever time of day it may be⊠you always come rushing to me if my voice wavers even just a little bit.â You blinked as Jisung spoke his mind without thought.
You cleared your throat, âIs that a problem?â You asked softly. He scoffed, shaking his head. âHow could that be a problem, Y/n?â He ran a hand through his freshly dried hair, looking at the blushing moon through his shut patio door. Jisung gazed at your confused features through his ruffled bangs before sighing, going back to picking at his chipped black nail polish.
He took a deep breath before speaking, âI just- Iâm not sure if I deserve someone like you in my life, thatâs all.â It was your turn to scoff, frowning as you watched your best friend fiddle with his thumbs.
You stayed silent, the softest of songs playing quietly through his speaker. It was 1am, his roommates were fast asleep; so were you just 2 hours ago. In the middle of the night, Jisung called you, his voice groggy as he muttered âI canât sleep.â He was a grown man, he didnât need you to rock him and sing him a lullaby. But he just wanted to hear your voice, loving how your tone could warm his heart in a millisecond.
He never admitted it out loud, but he was in love with you. Platonically and romantically. At first, he tried to deem it as infatuation, a silly little crush he developed because you were one of the most caring people heâs met in this lifetime. Unfortunately, it was way deeper than that. But heâd never tell you, that would ruin everything.Â
Therefore he used your kindness in order to see you whenever he could. Granted, this was selfish of him. Waking you up at 12am just because he knew you were too pure to just tell him âwait till the morningâ. You cared too much, and he loved you for that, loved how you cared for him; along with many other things. He wasnât that shallow.Â
The only thing he despised about you, was how youâd never let him take care of you; not properly at least. You always had to pay for food, he wasnât allowed to. You got him gifts but frowned when he got you one. He accepted your love languages, they were a part of you. But still, it bothered him to no end. Who was taking care of you if you were so busy taking care of him?Â
âDid you eat dinner, y/n?â He asked you softly, clearing his throat as he swiftly changed the subject. You allowed it, âMhm,â you muttered, âBut it was boring without you there.â You let out with a soft chuckle.
God, why did you have to say that? Jisungâs heart skipped a beat at the image of you eating, pouting since the lack of his presence didnât allow you to talk to him about nothing like you usually do. âIâm sorry, babe. Iâll be there next time.â Your love languages: quality time, gift-giving, and of course, words of affirmation.Â
This allowed him to call you pet names without you thinking too much into it. This was one of the ways you allowed him to look after you, making you feel comfortable around him. Heâd call you âbabeâ, âPrincessâ, your personal favorite was âbeautifulâ, but youâd never let him know that.
You smiled at the pet name. Silence fell over the two of you, sitting on his soft cushioned king sized bed, bathing in each otherâs presence. Thatâs until you remembered something you discussed with your friends earlier. It was an embarrassing topic to say the least, and the question you had was even more questionable. But it was Jisung, whatâs the worst he could say?
âJi?â You muttered, he hummed back. âYou know how Iâve never kissed someone before?â You pouted as he chuckled, softly slapping his bicep. âIâm sorry. Yeah, what about it?â He says, chuckling softly; still gazing at the blushing moon.
You gulped, it was now your turn to start playing with your chipped nail polish. âWhy havenât you offered to kiss me before?â You could see him frown in confusion before turning to you with an unreadable expression. âIt's just that, Felix asked me⊠if you ever offered before. Because we're so close, you know? Iâm only comfortable, with you⊠as of now.â you muttered, awaiting his answer.
âI didnât think youâd want that from me, Y/n.â He stated, his tone still soft as ever while he searched your eyes for a further explanation. âWell, I think it would be better to kiss you than some random person, no? I mean, I trust you with my life.â You said, slowly becoming timid due to his intense stare.
He nodded, finally understanding your intentions; wanting to experience something youâd probably longed for. And Jisung was the only one that seemed safe. His hair fell into his eyes as you watched him take in your words, looking at you with care. âI wouldnât mind kissing you, beautiful.â Your lips parted as he smiled at you gently.Â
âCan you kiss me now?â His brows raised at your sudden request, but he nodded nevertheless. Scooting closer to you as you stayed stationary, awaiting his arrival.
âDonât be scared, Y/n,â he whispers once he got close enough that your knees were touching, his breath fanning over your cheeks. âLike you said, itâs just me right?â He smiled, showing you his teeth as he found your shy eyes. You nodded, smiling back as your hands absentmindedly fisted his sheets.
âCan I touch you? Is that okay?â He asked gently. âUhm, touch me how?â Your innocent question shouldnât have affected Jisung the way it did, his mind traveling to more mature places; having him chant âdonât fuck it upâ in his very active mind.
âYour cheeks, can I hold your face?â he whispered, hoping you didnât notice him growing tense. You muttered yes. A light involuntarily gasp escaped as you felt both his warm hands grab a hold of your hot cheeks. Jisung licked his lips out of habit, catching your gaze as he was now so close that your noses brushed.
His thumb brushed your cheeks soothingly, âReady?â He whispered, his gaze switching from your eyes to your impatient lips. âMhmâ. He gave one last smile before pressing into your lips with his.
His lips attached themselves to yours like they belonged there all this time. Smooth, sensual, gentle. You could feel your heart beating against your chest as he took his time stroking your cheeks, kissing you deeply. He wanted this to be nice for you, fun. He didnât want you to overthink and to just feel him instead, get lost in him momentarily. Luckily for him, his message got conveyed. You untensed, kissing Jisung back as you reminded yourself that you were safe. Instead of asking yourself if you were doing it right, the decision was made to get lost in Jisung instead. Completely lost, almost taken away by him.
Did kissing always feel like this? If so you shouldâve given into temptation much earlier, asking your best friend for harmless make-out sessions every week if you could. You sighed into him, frowning as you tried to get impossibly closer, wanting more of him on your lips. He chuckled against you, amused but not pulling away as he tilted his head for a better angle, wanting you to have a good first kiss. His lips were soft, it made your brain⊠fuzzy? A new, unfamiliar feeling that youâve only heard your friends speak about. However, you accepted the new feeling. What could go wrong?
Undoubtedly, maybe you shouldâve hung on to that last bit of sanity you had left. Maybe it was the way Jisung pulled away shortly to say you're doing well, asking you if you were okay. But you knew it was the way he hummed into you, kissing you deeper but going softer at some points; not wanting to get lost in his head. It was⊠attractive, this kind of attractive where you feel a funny feeling in your tummy. You moved closer, one hand found his knee while the other placed itself on the slither of blanket between the two of you, clenching the fabric for dear life; not that it would help with the sweaty palms and heat pooling in your underwear.
Thank god Jisung was still conscious. Making it his mission to be hyperaware, reading any silent cues you might have given off. Jisung pulled away when he heard you whimper, thinking he mightâve done something wrong, maybe youâve had enough. Totally oblivious to your roaring thoughts. But his worries soon disappeared as he opened his eyes only to find yours still closed, brows scrunched as you tried to chase his lips, not wanting his warmth to go just yet.Â
Jisung gulped as your eyes fluttered open, your gaze seeming darker from when he last looked into them. Your pupils were blown out as you looked at him in question. âWhy did you stop?â You asked breathlessly. He couldnât form a proper sentence, not knowing how to answer you. How long have you wanted to be kissed? Did you always want this from him? Him⊠specifically? Thatâs how you were acting. Desperate, needy, like youâve been starved, waiting for him.
He didnât move away when you abruptly took initiative this time, grabbing his cheeks and pressing your lips onto his, rougher than before. He grunted into you, grabbing your waist to hold you still. You pulled away, only to whisper âmore.â Jisungâs eyes widened as you moved to straddle him, kissing him with urgency. Jisung let you do your thing for a while, almost letting himself go brain dead until he remembered, youâve never experienced something like this.
He pulled away, tapping your lower back as you caught your breath, now looking down at him due to sitting on his lap.
âSlow down Y/n, hm?â He whispered, peering into your dazed eyes. It made his heart pound, you looked like you were drunk on him. âDo you realize where you're sitting right now?â He asked softly. He pressed his lips together as you bit yours, his eyes looking at how plump your lips were; he couldnât even measure how long you kissed. You nodded slowly, your hands resting on his shoulders.
âI-I donât wanna have sex,â Jisung stiffened at your comment, his eyes widening as he opened his mouth to talk; you beat him to it âBut I want you, in some way.â You whispered, gazing down at him with nothing but need.Â
Jisung started to understand that lust was taking over your mind, you werenât thinking clearly. Heâs never seen you so⊠weak. âY/n, baby,â he takes hold of your face, âI know it feels nice, but think for a moment, hm? I donât want you to regret anything.â He says seriously.Â
You resist the urge to whine in frustration, âI can take care of myself Jisung.â You whisper, He sighed, âI know bab-â, âDo you wanna⊠do want me to⊠taste you? Can I taste you? Iâve always wanted to.â his lips parted in surprise, hearing his best friends speak in ways heâs never heard before.
You took his silence to explain yourself. âMy friend, from uni, she said itâs fun. When you get to feel a guy twitch because of you. The only guy I could think of reacting like that for me⊠is you. I- I wanna make you cum.â You whispered shyly, your hand bunching the fabric of his shirt.Â
Jisung felt his member twitch and grow at your words, he knows you felt it because you jolted in his lap. âS-sorry, but when you talk like that⊠Jesus Y/n, whatâs got into you?â He mummers, observing how set in your ways you were. You bit your lip, hands traveling to play with the collar of Jisungâs sleeveless band tee. Jisung began to think - trying his best to ignore how your fingers caressed his bicep - if this was gonna happen, he was gonna make sure to take care of you.
âHow about, I taste you instead? How does that sound princess?â Jisung couldnât help but smile as your eyes widened, pointing at yourself in disbelief. âT-Taste me?â You whispered softly. Jisung hummed, rubbing your thighs that had him caged in. âMhm, I want you to feel good. Itâll be much more fun for you. If you still want to go down on me afterward, we can try.â He smiled up at you, gently squeezing your hips.
His comforting smile didnât leave his face as you nodded in agreement. âYouâd like that, wouldnât you y/n?â You slapped his chest softly out of embarrassment. He let out a chuckle before laying down. You looked at him confused, now playing with the hem of your skirt.
âYouâre gonna sit on my face, beautiful.â
He grinned at your shocked face. He loved seeing this side of you. So different from your caring nature, always wanting to take care of him to the best of your ability, never letting him be the one to be strong for the both of you. Full 180 from what heâs used to. But if this is the only way youâll let him pay you back for your kindness, he will gladly do so.
âUhm⊠what if.. Uhm,â he watched you stammer with a soft expression, using his hand to continue rubbing at your thigh. âWhat are you nervous about? Hm?â Jisung asked softly, âWhat if I like⊠suffocate you or something?â He couldnât help but chuckle. âBabe, it would be a pleasure to have your thighs around my head. The only way I can breathe is through you⊠you have no idea how much I want that right now.â Your eyes widened at his confession, feeling his hands grip your thighs tighter as he bucked his hips slightly; reminding you of how hard he was under you.
âYouâre not gonna hurt me, y/n.â You watched his soothing close lipped smile as he guided you closer to his face. You didnât fight it, only being slightly disappointed by not being seated on his bulge anymore. âMake yourself at home beautiful,â Jisung whispered, licking his lips as you finally hovered over him.
He looked into your eyes as he slid your panties to the side, biting his lip softly and he let out a sigh. âSo⊠wet, from what baby? Kissing?â His chuckle made you gulp, your cheeks heating up as he lowered you onto his face.
âOh,â you gasp as you feel his lips gently latch onto your bud. You gulped at the new unfamiliar feeling, staring at the wall in front of you as you adjusted slightly. You flinched as he hummed against you, lightly sucking as his hands slid underneath your shirt.
âJ-Jisung, it feels kinda⊠ni-oh.â Your chest heaved as you felt him chuckle, squeezing your clothed breast in response. You felt his lips unlatch from your clit, only to lick a long strip up your slit; the tip of his tongue flicking and pressing against your bundle of nerves, only to start flicking faster.
You let out gasps and whines, your hands pressing on the headboard for leverage as you flinched away from his face. Looking down only to see him looking back up at you with a glistening mouth and dark eyes. âIs it too much, princess?â He asked, his voice raspy. âYou can take it, I know you can. Be a good girl for me.â You felt your clit pulse at how he spoke to you like he was in charge, it made the fuzziness deepen. You whimpered, nodding as you lower yourself back onto his awaiting mouth.
This time around you felt wetter than before, his tongue slipping and sliding across your flesh with ease. Feeling his lips suck and tongue flick had you seeing stars, you didnât even know that you were grinding on his face until you looked down.
âOh, I-Iâm sorr-â, âKeep fucking using me.â Your lips parted at his grumbled words, but you did exactly what he told you to do. Grinding on his face, trying your best not to press too hard. But it was difficult to think with all the different sensations running around your form.
It felt like his lips were everywhere, you began to get lost in the feeling. Your moans grew a bit louder, not that Jisung minded. Maybe his roommates did, but he loved it.
 But what made tears start brimming was when you felt his tongue slide into your sopping entrance with ease. âJi- w-what⊠fuck.â You whined, your pelvis moving faster against his tongue, no longer caring about how much of a mess you were making. âYouâre⊠so good.â Jisung hummed at the praise you gave him, continuing to make you feel good.Â
You reached down, your fingers raking through his locks as you pushed him closer into your heat. You havenât looked down at him in a while, therefore you wouldnât know that Jisungâs eyes were closed. Letting himself get lost in the taste of you, letting himself be used by you in the best way possible. All the while trying not cum untouched, your moans traveling like waves through his body, right down to his member.
You lurched forward, feeling pressure build up in your tummy, aching to be released. âJi⊠Iâm- ohâŠâ your mouth parted with your eyes being screwed shut as you came, the climax being strong as itâs the first time you came in the hands of someone else.
Jisung's eyes snapped open to watch you, analyzing how you came undone above him; it was like heaven to him. While trying his best to Ignore how his dick fought against the material of his sweats in order to be relieved. He hummed against you, licking you clean as you slowly came down from your high. At that moment he swore you started glowing.
You gulped dryly, weakly scooting off his face and placing yourself back to the position of straddling, causing him to hiss at the contact of your middle pressing into his bulge.Â
You felt small under his gaze, now comprehending that your best friend made you cum, the fuzziness weakening slightly. You bit your lip, reaching up to wipe his face that was slathered with your arousal. âThank youâŠâ you trailed off. You were only met with Jisung bucking into you, making you whimper quietly as he pushed deep into your sensitive area.
You watched with timidness as Jisung chuckled. âThatâs enough for today, hm?â You frowned at his words. âNo.â He raised an eyebrow lazily. His lips slightly parted as you scooted down to his upper thighs, your hand grabbing his bulge, stroking experimentally.
âBaby⊠you donât have to.â He huffed, licking his lips as he watched the movements of your hand, now slowly unbuttoning his pants. âBut I wanna.â You muttered. You gulped as you pulled his member out from his boxers, unknowingly licking your lips as you observed how painfully hard he was, lightly twitching at your gentle touch.
âYou were just gonna let this go?â You asked, fingers stroking up and down his shaft. âI mean⊠yeah?â He sighed. His hands clutching your thighs. The fuzziness subsided, the only headspace you found yourself in was pure lust.
Jisungâs gaze was dazed as you lowered, your mouth now hovering over his tip before you looked up in question. âTell me what to do.â Jisung couldnât help but smile. Despite you being determined, you were still like a baby deer. His hand stroked your cheek as he told you to open wide, guiding his length between your lips as he grunted at the feeling.
âGod, just stay still for a sec, please.â His voice sounded strained, like he was holding back. He was. The combination of you kissing him like he was your oxygen, you expressing to him how bad youâve been wanting him, from having you use him for pleasure had him aching for release. He didnât wanna tell you, but he was so sensitive, not having touched himself in a while due to his mind being too focused on other life events.
You tried your hardest to listen, and stay still for him. But feeling his tip pulse on your tongue was borderline torture. You couldnât help but have your tongue run on the underside of his tip, playing with the small vein that made him suck in a breath. His hand transferred to your hair as he got a good grip.
âY/n,â he grumbled in warning. Opening his eyes to see your mouth stuffed full of him, the sight making it even harder for him to keep himself tamed. âStart sucking baby.â He whispered, sitting up on the headboard a bit to get a better view of you.
You hollowed out your cheeks, sucking and licking, using your hands to stroke his shaft; remembering how your friends drunkenly taught you how to give oral.
You were too focused to recognize how his grip on your strands tightened, his groans getting louder. The only time you unfocused was when he bucked into your mouth causing you to gag. âO-oh Iâm sorry,â he moves your hair out the way, apologizing softly. Your mouth slides off of him, âUse me like how I used you.â Jisung gulped at your words, watching as you continued to stroke his length. What happened to that cute headspace from earlier? Well itâs gone now, he didnât mind.
âI donât wanna hurt you princessâŠâ he whispered. âPlease Ji⊠please? I can take it.â His eyes softened as you pleaded. Of course heâll give you what you want, âGod, youâre killing me. I didnât know youâd be so needy, hm?â he smiles as you whine in embarrassment. âOkay, okay. Be still baby, Iâll be gentle.â Jisung said softly, guiding you back to his dick. He hissed as you engulfed him once again. âIf you need a break tap me 3 times, do you understand?â you hummed in approval. Jisung tilted his head, almost like he was preparing himself, trying to give himself a pep talk not to go too hard on your precious throat.Â
He delivered a cautious thrust, observing how you reacted. His eyes widened as you took more of him down your throat. âDonât push yourself.â He warned, of course, you ignored him, taking as much as you could of him.Â
Jisung felt as if he was fighting for his life here. He never thought heâd be able to see you like this. Wanting to please him, but also use him in a way that made you feel fulfilled.
 Jisung soon realized that letting you do whatever you want at this moment was exactly how he should take care of you. Youâre a big girl. You said it yourself, you can take it. Therefore, he started thrusting into your mouth. He still remained careful, not wanting to overwhelm you. But nevertheless, it felt amazing. Jisung threw his head back onto his pillow, his breath coming out in huffs as all he felt was your warmth sucking him in.
âFuck, you feel so good.â His mutters went straight to your heat, making you whimper as you felt his member slide in and out of your mouth with ease. The noises emitting from your throat were lewd, and he loved every sound of it. Jisungâs thrusts got a bit rougher, and his moans got louder. You didnât care that your mascara began to run, it was worth it. The view in front of you was worthy of touching yourself to the memory later. Seeing your best friend's chest rise and fall rapidly as whines and moans filled the air made, Jisungâs hair in his face as his eyes were screwed shut, sweat forming at his temples. This made the experience all the more rewarding.Â
Jisung gulped dryly as you swallowed around him. âBaby⊠Iâm gonna cum, maybe y-you should g-get,â He could barely finish his sentences as he removed his grip from your hair. âIf you donât want it down your throat, g-get o-off.â Jisung stammered as he stopped thrusting, giving you leeway to get off of him. But you didnât, instead, you took matters into your own hands. Sucking and stroking as you felt his member twitching on your tongue. âF- y/nâŠâ Jisung gasped for air as he looked down at you, observing how focused you were on making him feel good.Â
He bit his lip, muttering a warning âFuck, Iâm cumming.â before he finally came, shooting into your mouth as you flinched slightly at the impact. Your friends lied, it tasted like nothing.
 You continued to suck, milking him as his cum dribbled out of your mouth and back onto his member. You didnât even know what overstimulation was but you seemed to be a master at it right now. Jisungâs head fell back as you continued sucking, your tongue tracing the underside of his tip as you wanted to catch every lick of him.
 His legs trembled as he grabbed ahold of your hair again, trying to pull you off. âTh-thatâs en-ough baby, please.â he pleaded as he slid your mouth off him.
You sat up, straddling his thighs, watching silently as he tried to catch his breath. His cheeks were bright red and his hair tousled from moving around on his pillows.
Jisung let out a scoff, âI thought you never did that before, y/n?â You bit your lip at the subtle compliment. âEven going as far as to overstimulate me. Did you have fun, beautiful?â He asked. You nodded, âCan we do it again?â Jisung chuckled. âJust⊠give me a second, maybe a couple of hours.â
If it meant making you feel taken care of, heâd do it all night.
To get your forever after, you have to be honest with Minho.
âą pairing: minho x fem!reader
âą word count: 16.7k
âą genre: smut, angst, non-idol!au, fake dating!au, exes to lovers!au, unrequited love, love triangle, exboyfriend!minho, ex!best friend chan
âą warnings: 18+, minors dni! drinking, drunk sex, smut [semi-public unprotected sex, ass spank or two, use of 'good girl' and 'slut'', creampie, rejection; unprotected sex, creampie]
⹠masterlist ⥠series masterpost ⥠updates ⥠read on AO3
âą previous chapter âĄ
⹠reblogs and feedback are always motivating and appreciated! i accidentally deleted the chapter so i'm posting again. thanks for keeping up with this story, i'd love to hear what you think about the ending! ⥠i will post ten drabbles about this couple, probably in november after kinktober ends.
if you want to support my writing, you can buy me a coffee here and let me know what you think about it here. thank you! âĄ
You wait for Minho at the same bar you visited with him before the wedding, back when you first presented the stupid plan to him. Sadly, youâre just as nervous as you were back then. In fact, you might be even more nervous this time, afraid of screwing things up, afraid of losing someone you actually can't imagine your life without. Sadly, it seems like youâre going to have to do just that, considering how you two left things off.
The morning after the wedding, after a long and sleepless night, you ran to Minhoâs room just before breakfast, hoping to catch him before he walked downstairs and chatted with people, before he ran away to one of his walks or met up with Seoyoon. After all, it was the last full day on the island, and you just wanted to apologize to him in person.Â
It felt like the morning sobered you up completely, shook you from your state of desperation, and made you realize you have to be honest with Minho. You had told him a long time ago you didnât like to be vulnerable in front of other people, but you knew it was time to tell him everything and put yourself out there.Â
When you got to his room, it was empty, the cleaning lady already getting rid of the bedsheets.
âIâm sorry, where is the guest from this room?â
âThey left this morning,â she replied and picked the sheets up off the floor. âDo you need something? If you need towels, Iâll bring them to your room when I make the rounds.â
That was when you realized that Minho had left for good. Heâd packed his bags and left in the wee hours of the morning, as told to you by Sunyoungâs grandma, who was an early riser and spent early mornings out at the beach. He left without a word, and that hurt you the most. Even flat-out rejection would have been better than no closure, but you overstepped his boundaries and mentioned a relationship after everything that happened, so you had it coming.
He told you not to mention your feelings for him, but you had to say something instead of pretending nothing happened, so you texted Minho that morning after crying about it in your room.
You: i see you left early. i get why and iâm sorry, really.Â
He responded five days later, even though you werenât expecting him toâMinho didnât owe you a single thing.
Minho: just needed time away from everything
Minho: sorry
You: do you maybe want to meet up, have a drink one of these days?
Minho: friday?
After that, you agreed on the time and place, so youâre not sure what to expect tonight. Is he upset? Is he hurt? Does he think youâre not serious about any of it? Did he have enough time to think? You donât know a thing.Â
When your ex walks into the place, that same waitress gawks at him, and you canât blame her this time eitherâthe white button-up suits Minho perfectly, a couple of hair strands slightly curled in a way that makes him seem almost angelic, but his smile turns into a devilish smirk when his gaze meets yours.
âWhatâs a pretty girl like you doing here all alone?â Minho asks the same stupid question again, and you know heâs going to follow up with something ridiculous as he sits down. âSurely not waiting for her ex to tell him she wants to be with him again!â
Minho laughs as if thatâs the dumbest possible option, but his laughter dies down the second he realizes youâre not laughing, for a change. âWait, w-what?â he stutters before gulping, eyes inspecting your entire face.
âYou really have a way of ruining the moment,â you joke, hoping that will ease the tension that suddenly arises between you two, but it does little to help. âI thought that was just me.â
The waitress approaches and Minho orders two shots and a gin and tonic for himself once he realizes your glass is still full. âWeâre gonna have to drink if weâre going there,â he informs you.
It should feel awkward, it should feel heart-wrenching, you should be anxious about getting turned down again, about this man telling you heâs had enough of your scheming, childish ways, that heâs fed up with being the second best option in your bookâbut none of that happens.
It canât, not when itâs Minho youâre talking to, not when heâs doing everything he can to keep the conversation light. You donât touch on the topic for a long while, not until youâre a couple of shots and drinks in, not before his hand is on your thigh, thumb rubbing gentle circles into it.
âAbout the thing you saidâŠâ he starts, letting his voice trail off before taking another sip of his drink. Even if youâre going to talk about something this serious, you canât be nervous, not when his hand is on you, reminding you things are fine. âWhat happened?â
âNothing happened,â you tell him, visibly confused, but Minho misses that because heâs staring right ahead as if heâs trying not to look at you. âI just feel that way.â
âWith Chris, I mean,â he adds, clearing his throat right after, and you realize he doesnât know anything.Â
Your therapist is rightâyou havenât been clear about what you want and how you feel and youâve been too stubborn instead of just admitting early on that your plan was a mistake and that Chris could never make you feel the way Minho does.
âI donât know,â you respond with a shrug, thinking about how to put what you feel into words. What happened with you and Chris? Nothing and everything. âI didnât, uh⊠I meanâ He knew what I was going to tell him, but I didnât want to say a thing. I realized he was not exactly what I was looking for and my plan wasnât to ruin the wedding. You were right, I was clinging onto something that wasnât really there.â
Minho hums, seemingly happy with your response. âSo Chris told you heâs going through with the wedding and all.â
âYes, he did,â you agree instantly but then realize Minho might think thatâs why you told him all those things that nightâChris told you no, so you hoped Minho would say yes. âBut I didnât try to stop it. I am actually happy for them.â
âEven though I donât like the guy, I think they make a good couple,â Minho admits unwillingly. He finally sneaks a glance your way and once again, you feel like nothing can go wrong when heâs here with you. âHave you heard from him?â
âNot really. Iâve sent him a text thanking him for everything, but thatâs about it.â
âAnd you arenât⊠Jealous over his marriage? Hurt by it?â This time, your ex faces you, eyes inspecting you carefully. You realize heâs trying to figure out how serious you are about the whole thing, which includes you being hurt over Chrisâs marriage, and you are just not.
âNo, Minho, Iâm not,â you respond right away, meaning it. âI donât have any interest in him. I⊠Iâm interested in you, like Iâve told you. I meant what I said.â
Thatâs why youâve invited him here in the first place not even two weeks after coming back home from Chrisâs wedding. You wanted to see Minho, talk to him, tell him you still feel the same way you did the night when you approached him. Maybe itâs too soon in his book, maybe he doesnât want you that way, maybe he is just not interested, but you want Minho to know.
He hums again, downing his drink. âIâm glad you no longer think heâs the one,â Minho tells you with a grin. âHe definitely isnât.â
âI know. I want to apologize for eveââ
You get cut off by Minhoâs lips on yours, his scent instantly engulfing you, making you forget what you even wanted to tell him. His hand makes its way to your chin so he can tilt your head whichever way he pleases as he kisses you, tongue now entering your mouth.
You donât kiss people in bars, not unless youâre wasted and lost in the crowd, especially not with tongue since it makes the kiss hungry and intimate. But, itâs Minho and heâs the most mesmerizing person youâve met, so you donât really care.
Once he breaks the kiss, you sigh deeply, feeling your heart fluttering, but he speaks first. âWeâre drunk again, so we should talk about serious things some other time. What do you think, pretty?â
His use of the nickname makes your heart swell. Unable to suppress a smile, you look to the side and nod. âWhat do you want to do then?â
Minho moves the hand that is resting on your thigh and finds your own with it. He grabs it and places it over his crotch, right on top of his hard cock, which makes you hiss. Heâs just as straightforward as always, just as willing to take risks, just as good of a fuck as he always was. âMaybe take care of this for me? Iâll return the favor.â
Thatâs a deal youâd be stupid to pass on, even at the risk of another heartbreak. Because thatâs what this isâMinho letting you down easy. Neither one of you is too drunk to have sex, so youâre not too drunk to have a conversation about you two. He clearly doesnât want to touch on the topic because he'd have to turn you down, so he changed the topic to sex.
And you being you, youâd rather take that than just say goodbye right now. You can pretend it's sex without feelings just for the night.
âFuck, Iâve missed this,â Minho mumbles at you when your lips start playing with his neck, his dick entering you quickly.
Your back is pressed against the wall of your building hallway, and itâs pretty cold, but you donât even register it. You canât, not when Minhoâs fucking you well, his fingers working your clit expertly at the same time. You canât get enough of him all over again and even the scent and taste of his skin excites youâyou run your tongue along the vein on his neck and enjoy the sound of him hissing, the way his hips start smacking into yours rougher.
âMe too,â you admit, taking a break from kissing his neck, even though you know that turns him on. Youâre doing everything he wants tonight, everything. Even if youâre not the best at talking about feelings, evne if Minho doesnât want to talk about them, you can at least show him what you feel. âMissed your dick, missed this, missed you.â
âPretty, fuck,â he grunts, kicking his head back. The look on Minhoâs face is something you want to see more oftenâhis pretty features distorted in pleasure. âDonât say that while Iâm in you.â
âWhy?â you ask through a chuckle, loving the effect you have on him, even if youâre both drunk and it doesnât mean anything. âLike it too much?â
âI like it better when youâre good,â Minho mumbles the words at you with a scoff, speeding up the pace of his hips, his fingers still rubbing your clit just right. âYou talk back too much⊠I should go harder on you, hm?â
âIâm always good, baby,â you coo, lifting your leg even more, using it to pull his waist closer to you. âAnd I know you love it when I tell you how much I like you.â
To shut you up, Minho kisses you, tongue roaming around your mouth desperately as moans leave him. Itâs all so hot that you donât even know where to look and touch. Instead if trying to decide, you relax and enjoy the touch of his hand paired with his hard cock and eager mouth.
Itâs only been ten minutes of this, but you come over his dick, screaming as you do since Minho rubs you just right and doesnât stop until you push his hand away, too afraid youâll wake the neighbors up and have to stop fucking him even for a minute or two until you get to your apartment.
âSee, youâre being good now,â Minho tells you as he breaks away from the kiss just to bite your lip. âMy good pretty girl.â
He continues fucking you even after you come, standing right in front of you. This way, he has to look into your face and watch you make the whiniest faces out there while singing him praises. âJust like that, Minho⊠Give it to me. Youâre doing so good, babyâŠâ
âNghh,â he grunts, closing his eyes before looking to the side. Thatâs when he speeds his movements up, acting a bit desperateâso unlike him. âJust take it!â
âAnd be quiet?â you suggest, chuckling before your mouth meets his neck again. âBaby, you know you donât want me to be. Just enjoy it⊠You love being inside of me and giving me all of it. We both know it, so relax⊠Fuck me.â
Minho grunts and places your leg down on the floor. With ease, he pulls out of you and makes you pout. âTurn around,â he hisses at you, so you do as asked.
The very next second, he pushes your torso into the wall and pulls your hips towards himself so he can plow into you from behind, which you gladly let him do, completely forgetting about your decency in case anyone comes out of their apartment and catches you having loud, desperate sex in the hallway.
Minho shoves his cock into you swiftly, grunting in the process, stopping for a second when he bottoms out. âPerfect,â he mumbles, giving your ass a spank. âWeâll see if youâll talk back now.â
With that, he starts fucking you as hard as he can, the way you two used to enjoy. Youâve spent so many nights getting railed into tomorrow on all fours or your legs, Minho right behind you, grabbing your ass and giving you his cock, not stopping when you came. Every time was like a marathon, with neither one of you feeling like youâd had enough.
âNot so loud now, huh?â Minho sounds happy with himself and he has every reason to be. His fingers dig into your hips, cock moving in and out, as he makes you moan quietly with every move he makes.
The angle is just right too, mostly because youâre sticking your ass out while your chest is pressed into the wall, hands holding onto it. Minhoâs cock can just hit that spot over and over again until your thighs shake, which is exactly what is happening.
âThatâs right,â he mumbles, talking more to himself than you at this point. Maybe he is drunker than you thought. âLove it when youâre so good for me and just take it⊠Let me fuck you rough where anyone could see⊠My little slut. Mine. Right, pretty?â
His words send shivers down your spine and into your crotch, walls clamping around him as you moan, âJust yours, Minho, baby, just yoâfuck, yours!â It feels like the good old days, when Minho would remind you that you were his every time he touched you.
âThatâs what I thought,â he says cockily, smacking your ass again, this one a bit harder so it stings. But, you like this type of pain when it comes from Minho. âBeen thinking about this all week.â
âYeah?âÂ
You need to know more. Did he think about you the way you thought about him? Or is he just referring to sex? Either way, youâre similar. Youâve thought about it all with himâgetting to touch him again, him being inside of you, getting to talk and cuddle and kiss. You didnât really think you could miss a person after spending less than a week with them, but here you are, missing him now even though he is inside of you. Everything is eerily like it was back then, including this feeling of missing someone you haveâonly now you have him physically for the night only.
âWanted to be in your pussy so badly,â Minho informs you, answering the question youâve never asked out loud. âNeeded to make you feel good again, pretty⊠Have you coming around me againâŠâ
With every compliment and kind word he says, the grip your pussy has on Minho tightens, which tells him thatâs the direction he should take if he wants you to come. So, he keeps them coming, careful to maintain the same pace.Â
âThatâs my good girl,â he grunts, sounding like heâs fighting off an orgasm of his own. âReady to give me her little cunt whenever I get hard, just like back then, huh?â
You canât even speak anymore, so you just hum in response and continue moaning, trying to not be as loud. But, the fear of getting caught by a neighbor is less prominent than the need to have him ruin you like he used to. âY-yeah, yesââ
Itâs true now and it was true back thenâyou canât get enough of him. Whenever Minho wants you, he can have you, and that used to scare you a lot. To be fair, it still scares you because itâs irrational and goes against everything you believe in. You donât think anyone should have that kind of power over you, make you get a bit stupid and forget all your boundaries, make you risk it all. Yet, Minhoâs always had it, which made you run away from him. If he has the power to build you up and make you feel like youâre the only person that matters, what would happen if he just took it away?Â
âGood, I know itâŠâ Minho continues fucking into you so hard you can barely stand straight and doesnât stop until you come hard. Itâs even more intense than the last one but doesnât last as long, which means you thankfully donât make as much noise as you did earlier. âYeah, baby, thatâs right, just like that⊠Let me feel you.â
âShit,â you grunt and kick your head back, trying to breathe in deeply, but itâs impossible with the way heâs fucking you.
âMy turn,â he says with a chuckle, and your walls clench at his words. âGonna fill your cunt right up, pretty⊠Want me to?â
Youâre stupid tonight, all over again. Neither one of you had a condom, so you let Minho fuck you raw. He never fucks without a condom, though, that much you know, and neither do you. Protection over everything, even if youâre on birth control. Yet, here you two idiots are, fucking like youâre stupid.
Youâre even dumber than him because you moan in response, âYeah, give it to me.â
âSure?â Minho sounds serious now, even though youâve told him about birth control before he put his dick in you, not wanting him to think youâre careless and let men fuck you without protection.
âDonât you want to give it to me?â you ask teasingly, squeezing your walls around his cock on purpose. Itâs something youâve talked about a lot back in the day, fantasized about, wanted to try. And here you are now, getting to try it years later, with each other. âShow me who owns me.â
And those are the magic words, as always. Minhoâs never been jealous or possessive, or at least heâs never shown it. But, when youâre fucking, he likes hearing heâs the only one, that you belong to him, that he can do whatever he pleases with you. Those words always used to make him come hard back then, so you told him the same thing over and over again just to get him to go crazy on you. Thatâs exactly why youâre saying it now, and itâs why Minho starts fucking you even harder.
It feels like heâll split you into two, but you love the intensity of it, the loud smacking of his firm thighs against the back of yours, the rough digging of his fingers into the skin of your hips, the loud hissing and humming thatâs leaving his pretty mouth. âOh God, Iâve never felt anything better!âÂ
Each compliment goes straight to your head. There is a difference between sex with and without condoms even for you, but youâre sure it feels a lot more different for Minho. Heâs already muttering into the back of your neck, giving you compliment after compliment. âSo good⊠Letting me use your pretty cunt to comeâfuck!â
His arms wrap around your stomach, pull you in closer as his thrusts get more shallow. âMhm, fuck, so wet, feel you so good like this⊠All mine. Gonna take my cum?â
âYes, yes, Minho!â you mumble back, not wanting to speak. Instead,y ou just want to listen to him because hearing Minho get this lost in pleasure is overwhelming, exciting, pleasurable.Â
âHere, take all of it⊠Show me how good you can be. Take it, prettyââ
When he comes, Minho doesnât pull out right away. Instead, he stays lodged inside of you a bit longer, pulling your back into his chest so he can pepper kisses along your neck and collarbone. âGod, pretty, you took it so well. I feel dizzy.â His touch is soft and gentle, and the contrast between this moment and everything that happened tonight is making your head spin in the best possible way. âThis felt so much better than I thought it would.â
You feel a strange wetness between your legs, inside of you, and you know itâs his cum, but the feeling isnât uncomfortable. You donât have the need to go get rid of it as soon as possible, especially not when heâs still inside of you too, still hard, clearly enjoying every second of this newfound pleasure.Â
When your breathing calms down, Minho pulls out gently, and you feel some of his cum spill out, trickling down your inner thigh. âSorry, I made a mess, pretty,â he informs you as he smacks your ass lightly. âI couldnât help it.â
âItâs fine,â you say, pulling your underwear back into place and turning around to face him. Minho looks different nowâhair all over the place, face sweaty, breathing heavy. You never want to stop staring at him. âLetâs go clean up.â
The offer gets rejected quickly, leaving you to wonder if you fucked up. âIâm going to go home instead, okay? Thanks for tonight,â Minho tells you, leaning in for another kiss, this time a lot less passionate one. Itâs a simple peck that lasts for a couple of seconds while he inhales deeply. âBe good, sleep well.â
âWait, you donât want to, uhm, stay with me?â You shouldnât ask this when heâs already turned you down, you know, but something pushes you to ask, wanting to know more.
âI want to, but I shouldnât,â Minho says as he takes a step back. âNeither one of us is thinking straight. Itâs better not to give each other false hope.â
âFalse hope?â You suddenly feel cold, so you wrap your arms around yourself, feeling pain in your chest at the sight of Minho looking so disappointed. âWhat do you mean?â
âMaybe we should have this conversation sober,â he suggests, making you shudder. Minho is always, always honest with you, so you know what this means. He doesn't want to stay the night because you're just a fuck nowadays. A good fuck, but nothing more. How could you be after everything you've done to him? Unaware of the effect he has on you, Minho continues, âLetâs talk about it in a couple of weeks, when our heads clear. What do you say?â
âIââÂ
You want to tell Minho no. You want to tell him you want him right here and right now, and that youâre not going back to your apartment alone, that you donât want to let him go home alone. You donât want to sleep in your bed and have him sleep in his on the other side of town if you could be sleeping together, side by side.
But, you remember that not everything is about you, as he so nicely put it. You canât always get what you want and sacrifice other peopleâs feelings for your own. If he doesn't want to be with you, you'll have to accept it, no matter how much the thought hurts. âWhatever you need, Minho. Call me when youâre ready to talk. Iâm here.â
âI know, pretty,â he says, reaching in to cup your face. His touch is still gentle and warm, and you unconsciously lean into his palm, wanting him to touch you some more and stop the hurt in your chest from spreading, but he doesnât. âHave a good night.â
âThink of relationships as plants,â your therapist says, looking right at you with a smile. Is he making fun of you now?
âPlants?â
You donât want to assume anything, but maybe Mr. Yoo has had enough of you rambling about Minho and the wedding and the insanity of this plan that failed miserably and is messing with you.
âYes, plants,â he repeats and looks at you questioningly like youâre the one making weird conclusions. âYou've had a plant before, I presume?â
You nod, and your therapist continues, âGreat. Then you'll know how difficult it is to create perfect conditions for the plant to survive. You have to find just the right amount of water for it. You give too much and your plant dies. You give too little and the plant dies. But just enough? It flourishes. You also have to remove the dead leaves, pay attention that it is in the sun or in the shade, that the temperature is right. It's so much more than just buying a plant and watering it here and there, wouldn't you agree?â
You managed to kill three plants and a cactus before you called it a day and stopped trying, so you nod at him again. Whenever they'd die, you'd feel terrible. But, what's that got to go with relationships? âAnd relationships?â
âRelationships are like plants. Every person is different, there's no cheat sheet for the perfect relationship. One person likes affection, the other dislikes it. One person needs sex for the relationship to be satisfactory, someone else doesn't find it a priority. We all have certain things we look for in relationships and things we are willing to give. But, we are also in charge of creating conditions for our partners. These conditions are the things you offer and they usually the same in every relationship you have: love, support, comfort, understanding, sex, kindness⊠You give more of some, less of others.â
Weirdly, that makes sense. Even when you followed the instructions to a tee, your plants would die. Maybe you didnât care for them enough, maybe you let them out in direct sunlight for a minute too long, maybe you gave them just a tiny bit more water than necessary and they died.
Your therapist continues, realizing he has your undivided attention. âEven if you give it your all to create perfect conditions for it, your plant might wither and die, but that's the only point of your plant's life you can controlâthese conditions. You can't control how the plant reacts to them or whether they help her grow. It's the same with relationships. You can want it to work out more than you've ever wanted anything, but it could fail.â
His words instantly take you to Minho and how much you wanted and still want you two to work. He is what you want. You donât care how much time has passed since you were last with him, youâre sure he hasnât changed that much, not when it comes to important things. Heâs still caring and kind and understanding, and thatâs the type of partner you need.
Mr. Yoo clears his throat and gives you a sympathetic smile. âBut, if you've given it your all and created the perfect conditions, then it's a lot easier to accept the ending, isn't it? You've done it all, but the other person wanted different conditions, ones you simply can't offer. Giving it your best is the only thing you can do. Your ex, Minho⊠You've mastered the watering, I presume. You seemed to have given him enough of what he needed to stay. If you want to start a relationship with him again, you'll have to put yourself out there and offer what you can.â
Can you do that? You think so. You want to be the best version of yourself again, and the only time you felt that way was when you were with him. Minho didnât ask you to change or try to change you, you just became⊠Softer. More caring. More selfless. He was all those things, even if only certain people got to see that side of him. It rubbed off on you.
âThat's the only thing you can do for the other person and the relationship. Create your conditions, something you're comfortable with. You have to be careful not to create the conditions you think the other person wants, but the ones you are comfortable with giving. Let's say your plant needs more water than you have. If you keep getting more and more water, carrying it, making plans to get it, watering your plant more than you thought you would, you'll have to stop eventually. In this scenario in a relationship, you'll become overburdened with your care for the partner and give more than you have, leaving you emotionally drained. You might also come to resent them, but you're the one who offered them conditions you knew you couldn't handle to begin with.â
It makes perfect sense, this analogy of Mr. Yooâs. Youâve seen this scenario around you more times than you can countâyour friends trying to be exactly what their partners need instead of just being themselves and offering what they can. They went from being just like youâhaving a job, hobbies, cooking and cleaning when they couldâto being the new-age version of housewives because they thought that was needed of them. One of them ended up breaking down and ending the relationship and the other was still stuck in this circle of playing a housewife and then coming to work bitter about her husband and the fact that she has to be this version of herself she really isnât, work and cook and clean and mother the guy whoâs supposed to be her equal.
âYou seem very loving,â he continues, stirring you from your thoughts. âI think you might give a lot of love in relationships, when you get to that point, which takes a long time. If Minho were different, he would possibly find the love suffocating. If you were different, you'd give less of it and he'd leave. What was your biggest problem in that relationship? I'm talking about the past, not about the trip.â
What was it? Minho thinks it was Chris. Sometimes, it feels like your ex sees Chris as the big mastermind behind the break up, when the reality is much different. âOur biggest problem? Me.â
âYou?â Mr. Yoo seems interested in this confession.
âMe,â you easily confirm, knowing itâs true. âI think being with me wasn't easy for him. You're right, I was loving and I think that's what Minho liked about the relationship. He doesn't come from a family that expresses love through words and physical touch. It's more of an act of service type of family, which is great, but I think he needed more. I could give that to him, but I had a lot of flaws to deal with. I know I still do, but I was even worse back then. My insecurity is what ruins it all.â
âInsecurity?â
âYes. It was worse back then. I thought he was just too good for me, that I had nothing to offer and that it was just a matter of time before he figured it out.â It isnât easy to admit this because the thought still hurts. When you talk about it, you remember the tight feeling in your chest whenever you two would argue, whenever youâd think Minho was about to break up with you, whenever youâd realize the fighting was pushing him away. After every fight, youâd go home thinking you were ruining this one good thing you had, the best thing you had, and that Minho was better off without you. Thatâs why you never went to him, never apologized first, never asked him to forgive youâa part of you was expecting him to just give up.Â
âEven though you felt loved?â The cocked-up eyebrow tells you Mr. Yoo is questioning you. It doesnât make sense, you know. You thought Minho was going to dump you any chance he could yet you also felt very loved and cared for when you were with him.
âI⊠Yes. It's irrational. But it got a lot better thanks to him.â
Thatâs the truth, and everyoneâincluding Minhoâknows it. You went from being a timid person to someone who could let herself loose when with him because Minho brought out the best in you. He made you do things that youâd never do on your own and it helped you realize nothing bad would happen if you just did what you wanted and acted like no one was watching.
Mr. Yoo hums as if he understands. âBut it still ruined the relationship.â
âYes,â you have to admit. Youâre once again contradicting yourselfâyou just said you got more confident with Minho but that you broke up with him because of insecurity. âI caused fights because I turned everything into something that it wasn't because I was just looking for reasons for him to break up with me.â
âThat sounds like a lot.â
âIt was. In the end I just knew he deserved better than me, especially since I was so insecure about everything and making his life a mess.â
That is the truthâyou started seeing a lot of your mother and father in yourself when you two would argue. You would get stubborn and fight for something you didnât really stand for, just so the other person wouldnât win. In your case, it wasnât that you didnât want Minho to winâyou just didnât want to admit that he knew you better than anyone else did, that he understood you more than you understood yourself at times.
âDid he agree with that?â Mr. Yoo asks. âDid Minho think you were making his life worse?â
You replay the conversation from that night in your head, the night it all ended back then. You can hear it as if itâs happening right now, as if a drunk and hurt Minho is on the other line, voice trembling as he speaks to you. Your insecurity is the reason for most of these problems. You don't think you're good enough for me or for a relationship like this or for real feelings. I don't know how to fix this. You seem so unhappy with me whenever we fight. Do you think you have to be the center of my attention 24/7 for it to mean I love you?
You can still remember every single thing he said during that conversationâand all of them were true. The one that hurt the most was that he didnât think you cared about his feelings, and he expressed the same sentiment the night of the wedding too, reminding you of how terrible you acted back then and even now, years later, when you should be wiser and more mature.Â
Your eyes water and Mr. Yoo hums. âTake your time,â he tells you, smiling softly. âWeâve dug into the past a lot, itâs only natural weâre uncovering some hurtful things.â
You nod and take a couple of deep breaths, fighting off the tears. âHe didn't agree. He thought my insecurity was causing me to make up problems and start fights, even if he tried not to give me any reason to doubt his intentions,â you admit with a sniffle, looking to the side. âMinho didn't know how to help with that.â
âThat's understandable,â Mr. Yoo quickly adds. âHeâs your partnerâwell, was, and not your therapist. He did what he could do to help, created the conditions to make you stay, but they didn't work for you back then. Do they now?â
Do they? Do you want what Minho has to offer?
âI⊠I think they do. We haven't given it a real shot this time around, not even close, but just being with himââ You sigh, realizing you're getting carried away. You canât sit here and talk about your feelings for Minho for hours, not these feelings. Mr. Yoo clearly realizes you are crazy about the guy, you donât have to describe just how much. âI'd love to be with him again.â
Your therapist scribbles something down and then looks back at you with a smile. âAnd why aren't you?â
âHe left without a word,â you explain, feeling shame about how things ended. âHe left the night of the wedding and he left the last time I saw him.â
âWithout a word?â Mr. Yooâs eyes narrow as he glances at you. âIt sounded to me like Minho talked to you about his feelings two nights in a row, explaining them pretty clearly back at the island. He also said things before he left that night when you two met each other after the wedding.â
âIâŠâ You gulp, unsure of what he means. You donât think any of the things Minho said are conclusive. âHe told me we'd talk about it sober and then left. Then when we saw each other, he decided to drink but then said we shouldnât talk about it drunk.â
âWell, if I remember correctly, he told you youâd discuss your relationship sober before you started talking about feelings again after he asked you not to. He set a boundary, asked you to respect it with the promise of talking about it tomorrow, but you ignored the boundary.â
Did you do that? You feel terrible just thinking about it. You know all about boundaries and how important it is to set them. Itâs just as important to notice when people overstep them without caring about your feelingsâMr. Yoo has explained this many times.
âI didnâtâ I guess I didnât see it that way then. I was drunk and hurt and afraid of losing him, so I just wanted to tell him how I felt. Minho still thought I had feelings for Chris and I just didnât want toââ You stop, taking a deep breath to stop yourself from crying. âI didnât want him to go to his room and be all alone and think I was just saying things because I was hurt over Chris. Minho, he⊠He⊠When heâs hurt, he doesnât show it, doesnât want to bother people with it, thinks itâs a bother. But heâd let me hold him and comfort him. Well, he did back then. He wouldnât want to talk about it, but he would let me hug him. I was hoping he would stay so I could comfort him like he comforted me during that entire trip.â
Even if everyone sees Minho as a carefree guy who rarely gets hurt, you know the truth is much different than that. Youâve been the person he turned to in times of need many times before, and you know what he needs when heâs hurt. The thought of him going to his room upset and alone that night does hurt, mostly because you know youâre the reason for it. If you hadnât opened your mouth and started talking about feelings, you could have had fun all night, could have slept next to each other, could have woken up the same way, and Minho would have stayed.
âAh!â Mr. Yoo hums knowingly, nodding at you a time or two. âAnd why didnât you just tell him this?â
âHow can I say it without pushing the subject even further?â you contradict your therapist for the first time. Minho had asked you to drop it, and you asking him to stay so you could comfort him would sound⊠strange.
âYou clearly noticed he was hurt. You could have offered a hug or asked him what you could do to help him feel better. A lot of these scenarios are in your head. You come up with conclusions and base your response off of these conclusions instead of listening to what the other person is saying.â
âWhat do you mean? I mean, Iâm sure youâre right, I just donât know what youâre referring to.â
âLet me think of an example. Minho said he could separate sex from feelings. Instantly, you thought that meant he didnât care about you and that you were just sex to him, so you accused him of only caring about sex. His statement doesnât imply that at all. It just means he is a man capable of having sex without feelings. You know he has feelings for you. If he were capable of not feeling a thing for you, the thing with that lady never would have happened. Right?â
Mr. Yoo is right once again. If Minho felt nothing for you, he would have been able to sleep with Sunyoung and forget you existed. You feel embarrassed about the whole thing yet again.Â
âYou are right about that. I do jump to conclusions because itâs easier for me to believe that it means something negative than that the person is fighting to be with me. Thatâs why him leaving hurt. I thought Minho would turn me down and tell me Iâm just sex to him, but he didnât. He told me I am selfish, which I am, that I need to think about him, which I did, and then he left without a word. If he wants to be with me, why would he do that?â
Mr. Yoo puts down his pen, intertwines his fingers and looks at you with a smile that lets you know youâre about to get hit with some cold hard truth. But, thatâs why youâre seeing him in the first place. Heâs an unbiased third party.Â
âI don't know if he wants this relationship or not. I'm here to help you deal with feelings. But, let's imagine you're Minho. He broke up with you years ago, possibly because of a friend he might have had feelings for. Now, he calls you to help him win her over during her wedding week. You think the idea is crazy but you accept it for old timesâ sake. You don't want Minho to get hurt, and it's easier if you're there with him if things go south.â
You try to imagine the scenario in your head. Instead of a friend of Minhoâs, you imagine Seoyoon with that look she had on her face when she flirted with him at the party. The scenario instantly hurts a bit more.
âBut the first time you two see each other in years, you sleep together. Sparks are flying, things feel like they used to, but you wake up alone in your bedâno sign or word from Minho. Still, you go on this trip with your ex and end up spending more time with him, having fun, acting like nothing has changed. And then, you spend a great day together. Even though she's there, Minho only has eyes for you.â
You know Mr. Yoo is referring to that day at the pool, the day you realized you havenât looked at anyone else the way you looked at Minho, that you havenât had that type of connection with anyone, no matter how many guys you met, how many dates youâve been on, how many chances youâve given. You remember the pool and how he held onto your hand and how you flirted with him shamelessly, kissing him in front of everyone.
Mr. Yoo goes on, âHe asks you to sleep with him again, so you do, and it all feels like it used to. You tell each other many intimate things, act like nothing has changed, but you wake up alone again. The next time you hear from Minho, he asks you to join the two of them on a walk, reminding you why he's there. Itâs not to be with youâitâs to win his friend over, and youâre just a pawn in his plan, a person he is using to make the friend jealous.â
Your chest tightens at these words because thatâs exactly what your initial plan wasâuse Minho, the ex that Chris couldnât stand, to win him over. But that was before you slept with Minho, before you realized the chemistry was there, before you noticed he looked at you tenderly and still treated you like he cared about you.
âYou realize that maybe you can't do all of this. You don't want to attend the party and watch the two of them together, but Minho promises heâll be with you. He ends up spending time with everyone else. You decide to try to take your mind off things with someone else, but your mind isn't in it. You tell him you think his plan sucks and that you two worked better, that he's just fooling himself and that he'll get hurt. You also remind him he broke his promise to you and treated you unfairly. Tomorrow, she gets married, he's heartbroken, and gets in your bed again, suddenly deciding he wants to be with you. How would you feel?â
The second time you meet a man at that same bar, you feel like thereâs a huge ball of anxiety in your stomach, waiting to burst at any time. Jisung is early, of course, and he gives you an unenthusiastic wave when he sees you walk in.
When you approach the table, he gets up and gives you a slight nod. You engage in meaningless chit-chat until your drink arrives, and you gulp it down almost instantly, knowing heâs not here to be your friend. Whatever Jisung has in mind probably wonât be pretty or good for you.
âSo,â he clears his throat and gives you a questioning look, âMinho, huh?â
âHuh,â you respond with a sigh. âWhat is this about, exactly?â
âMinho, of course,â Jisung says, giving you a weird look. âI sure as hell didnât invite you here to spend time with you.â
âThen maybe I should get going,â you suggest, put off by the hostility.
You understand that youâre not his favorite person, but youâre not your own favorite person at the moment either, and hearing how much you suck from someone else isnât going to help. You feel like shit as it is. You miss Minho, youâve fucked the entire thing up, youâre a bad personâyou know it already. Mr. Yoo has all but said it and he keeps making you revisit your past and realize how selfish you really are whenever you see him. So, you donât need Jisung to give you a lecture right now, you really donât.
âNo,â Jisung says firmly, lifting both hands in the air in defense. âSorry. I mean⊠Letâs just talk about Minho.â
âWhat do you want to talk about?â you ask, unsure of where heâs going with this. Heâs the last person you expected to contact you. âAbout how much I suck and we shouldnât be together?â
âIâŠâ Jisung sighs, pausing to just look at you with a faint smile. âThatâs not what I think. I think you guys can be good together. Iâve seen you be great together. Iâve seen him very happy with you.â
You nod slowly, for some reason feeling pain over this. Itâs stupid to blame yourself for dumb decisions you made years ago, including letting go of Minho and not fighting for him after an argument like heâs fought for you. Itâs stupid, but itâs what youâve been doing since you came back home from the wedding. âBut?â
âDo you still have feelings for Chris?â Jisung cuts straight to the point with a glare. Heâs always been like this when it comes to Minhoâloud, protective, unashamedâwhich is why you always told Minho Jisung is the best friend he has. Yeah, you were never his favorite person, but Minho was, and he was the only friend that always acted with Minhoâs best interest in mind. That's why he was your favorite friend of Minho's, even if he hated you. âPlease, donât bullshit me.â
âI think of him as a friend only. And not even a close one anymore,â you admit right away, at peace with your feelings, for a change. You've had plenty of time to think about everything, to talk it through with your therapist, to figure shit out. âIt was all a big mistake on my end.â
âBut you, uh, spent a week with Minho chasing Chris,â Jisung counters, seeing right through the bullshit. Minho has probably filled him in on everything. âHow come youâve changed your mind so fast?â
âHan, I feel like these are things I should be telling him, and not you,â you practically whisper at him, noticing the frown on his face at your words. âBut I get that you want the best for him and think I can manipulate him into this. So. I went into this thinking I had to be with Chris because heâs the one that got away.â
âOkay.â Jisung nods, leaning back into his chair and giving you his undivided attention. âGo on.â
âAll these years, I felt he loved me unconditionally back then. I could always count on him to have my back and take my side and be there when I needed him,â you go on, feeling dumber with every word. How come you didnât see any of this back then? You liked Chris because he never fought with you, and you thought a good relationship meant no arguingâit had to be the opposite of what your parents had. âBut, after, uh, Minho and I met and things got out of control, I started to think a lot more about him, and less about Chris.â
âThe more time we spent there, the more I saw it would never work with Chris and that it does work with Minho. We are still on the same page about everything, Minho and I. And⊠He was right. I feel a weird type of thing for Chris, but itâs not sexual at all. Itâs something that might have been, but never will be. And with him, itâs all of that combined,â you admit, feeling blood rush to your cheeks at this admission. Itâs more than youâve even admitted to yourself. Thatâs exactly what it isâyou have it all with Minho: feelings, security, sex, comfort. Even the arguments arenât bad because they make you come to a conclusion, make you realize what youâre doing wrong, what you need to work on. âIt sounds pathetic.â
âNo, it doesnât,â Jisung says, reaching out to place your hand over his and pat it, which is surprising. But, you know heâs not a bad person just because he doesnât like youâyou wouldnât like you either if you were him. âIt sounds⊠Reasonable. Your chemistry was always wild. Do you now think heâs the one that got away?â
âNo,â you admit without batting an eye. âItâs not like that. I think the whole âthe one that got awayâ thing is stupid, honestly. Itâs just chances you didnât take. And Iâm not sorry we broke up back then because I clearly wasnât a good girlfriend to him, and Minho deserved better. It happened for a reason. Itâs taken me years, but I now know how to appreciate someone like him.â
âGood, you should,â his friend adds with a grin. âHeâs a good guy. And if anyone loves you unconditionally, as you put it, itâs that dude. I would have been done with you a long time ago.â
âGood thing we hate each other,â you quip, making him chuckle.Â
You do appreciate Jisungâs words, though, because he is someone who looks at you objectively. His feelings donât get in the way like Minhoâs do when he excuses your behavior. Jisung doesnât excuse anything, so if he says this, it must be true.
âGood thing!â he agrees, eyes lingering on your face. Even if he dislikes you, you think Jisung is a great friend to Minho because heâs walked all over his personal feelings and is here wanting to find out more.
âIs that what you wanted to hear or is there more? Why am I here?â
âI just wanted to hear it from you. Heâs told me you two talked and that heâs thinking about being with you again, and I just wanted to hear it from your mouth,â Jisung explains, but you zone out for a second because your heart springs up at his words. Minhoâs thinking about being with you again? âYou clearly have some kind of a spell on him since he never thinks straight around you. I just donât want him to get screwed over again, heâs a great guy and definitely doesnât deserve to have someone play with his feelings.â
âIâm not playing with him, trust me, Han,â you say earnestly, hoping he knows it. âI wouldnât do that to anyone, let alone him. Minho⊠He is great for me. And I hope he thinks Iâm great for him too. I want it to work, and that has nothing to do with Chris. The day after the wedding, I cried because Minho left and not because Chris got married. I didnât even think of the dude all this time if Iâm being honest. He's found happiness, and that's great.â
âGood, thatâs a good sign,â Jisung agrees warmly, for a change. âMaybe you should tell Minho all this when he gets here.â
And come there, he does, a smile washing over his face the second he sees you and Jisung waving at him a couple of minutes later. You almost expected him to turn around on his heel and leave when he sees you, but he doesnât.
âAre you guys plotting against me?â Minho says as he walks over to the table and sits down next to you, his thigh brushing against yours, which makes you shiver. It all feels like it used toâyou being excited to see him, getting shivers at the smallest touch, your eyes following Minho from the second he walks into the room. âItâs so weird seeing you two get along.â
âMs. My Best Friendâs Wedding and I get along just fine when we have a common goal,â Jisung explains, patting Minhoâs shoulder. âNow, if youâll excuse me, I have plans.â
âPlans?â Minho asks, clearly confused as to why his friend is already leaving. âWhat do you mean? I just got here, you invited me.â
âBeing the third wheel isnât that appealing. Besides, I didn't invite you here to be your marriage counselor, you can sort that out yourselves,â Jisung jokes, but neither one of you laughs because it touches on a topic too close to home. âAnd I think itâs time you do that. You both look miserable. See you soon!â
Before either one of you can protest, Jisung is out the door, and Minho is smiling at you.
âItâs nice to see you,â he tells you warmly. The last time you saw each other, Minho was kind but it seemed like he wasnât ready to talk to you, didnât want you to manipulate him into staying or talking about a topic he couldnât discuss back then. Right now, you donât have that type of feeling when you look at your ex.
âItâs great to see you too,â you admit, aware of the waitress approaching your table. âYou look⊠Pretty.â
Minho smiles at the compliment and orders you both non-alcoholic drinks, for a change, and the second the waitress turns around, he pulls you in for a hug, taking a deep breath. His hand is holding the back of your neck, the other caressing your back gently, and you donât ever want to pull away.
The hug is unexpected but very welcomed because youâve been craving his touch since that night, and not sexually. Youâve cried about him a lot and wished he was there with youâif not as a boyfriend, then at least as a friend. Now heâs giving you exactly what you wanted, and you never want to let go.
âYouâre getting all sappy on me,â you tease when he finally pulls away. âShould I be worried?â
âYouâre spending time with Jisung⊠Should I be worried?â he teases right back, reminding you of how fun your dynamic actually isâalways was.
âI just wanted to see what he wanted from me,â you explain. âHe is your friend, after all.â
âDid you find out what he wanted or have I interrupted you?â Minho leans into his seat, wrapping an arm around your shoulders like itâs supposed to be there. Thatâs how it feels for you too.
âI did,â you tell him with a smile. âHe was just looking out for you. I think youâre perfectly capable of doing that yourself, though.â
âMaybe not when it comes to you,â Minho admits, tonguing his cheek. However, his tone is playful, and so is his smirk. âHave you thought about it?â
âIt?â you repeat, unsure of what exactly he wants to touch on tonight. Minho is not the one who wanted you hereâit was all Jisungâs doing. Maybe your ex doesnât want to talk to you about anything important at all. Youâre just here at the same bar, left by his friend who ran off somewhere more fun.
âUs,â he clarifies, effectively putting an end to all your little theories. Oh. So, it seems like Minho is ready to talk about it tonight of all nights, when youâre completely blindsided and unprepared. Still, your heart starts beating faster.
âWhatâs there to think about?â you quip, taking him by surprise. âI still feel the same way I did at the wedding. I want you.â
âHm,â he hums and nods, taking some time to think about what you said. Youâre sure heâs trying to find a flaw with this line of thinking or come up with something snarky to say.
So, you hit your ex with a question of your own, tired of waiting and feeling the knots in your stomach tighten like youâre on a first date with a stranger and not on a non-date with an ex. âHave you?â
âI have,â Minho tells you sweetly, moving his hand away from your shoulder as the waitress approaches.
Once she leaves, you look at him questioningly, waiting for him to continue. Minho hasnât spoken to you since the last time you two met each other at the bar, since he turned down your invitation to come in, since he bailed on you.
He wanted time, and you gave it to him. You didnât reach out either, didnât pressure himâyou were trying to put him and his wishes first, and forget about what you wanted. So, you let Minho start the conversation and explain his feelings, even if it will end up hurting you.
âItâs been over two months since we last saw each other,â he tells you slowly as if you needed a reminder, âso Iâm guessing youâre serious about it. I mean, are you?â
âI am. I donât want to compare this between us with Chris or any other guy Iâve been with,â you explain, noting the grimace Minho makes at the mention of the guy he doesnât particularly like. âBut I have compared it to everything. And like youâve said, that was the last time someone cared about me. It was also the last time I cared for someone that much, too. Iâve been looking for that with someone else, but theyâre never, uh⊠You. If you understand what I mean.â
âI do,â Minho agrees. âI donât like the comparisons to other people, though. I guess Iâve seen you jealous over Chris and it ruââ
Itâs rude to interrupt others. Besides, Mr. Yoo told you that you have to take the time to listen to what the other person has to say, but you have to interrupt this time. âI wasnât jealous of Sunyoung or their relationship or anything like that.â
âYou sure about that, pretty?â Minho smirks, resting his elbow on the table and propping his cheek up on his palm.
âPositive,â you spit the word out with a joking glare. âIâm not really a jealous person when I think about it. Iâve never once thought about Chris and Sunyoung that way.â
Minho nods, but it seems like he doesnât believe you. Then, you suddenly chuckle, trying to suppress it, and he asks you whatâs going on in your pretty little head.
âI just realized I lied to you. I did get jealous during the trip,â you admit. It was a childish moment, one that made you rethink the whole thing, one that planted a big seed of doubt in your brain. âIt was about you.â
âMe?â he asks, excitement written all over his face. âDo tell. My egoâs kind of bruised, I could do with a compliment or two.â
You know itâs a joke, but Minho does look a bit worried, and youâre sure Jisung wouldnât be calling you to meet up with him if his friend was doing amazing. The worst part about it is that you know youâre the reason for it. He was fine before the trip, fine before you made a mess of his life, fine before you crossed the line. Chris never said a bad thing to Minho, and neither did Sunyoung during the trip, so it was you. It is solely your fault he has any kind of ego problems now.
So, you reach out and rub Minhoâs cheek gently like youâre supposed to be doing that at a bar. âYour ego would be unbearable if you knew how many good things I think of you, Minho.â
He gulps at the compliment, eyes glazing as he looks at you, taking your features in. Usually, Minho would laugh at your compliment, take it as a joke, making one of his own. But now, he doesnâtâhe just looks at you.
For a second, you think heâll kiss you. That doesnât happen, so you go on, moving your hand away from his face. âAnyway⊠Itâs not what you think. I was actually jealous when I thought about you going into a pool with some other woman.â
Finally, Minho laughs, kicking his head back like youâve said the funniest thing ever. âThatâs what worries you? Youâre not jealous when you think I could fuck around or something like that, but swimming!?â
âThe thing with Seoyoon⊠You had every right to do it,â you admit, even if it hurts. âBut no, thatâs not what worries me. You can have sex with a lot of people. I know you, and you donât really let people in, especially not that much. So if you let someone else in to that extent, it would mean you care for them. And thatâs what Iâm jealous of.â
âListen, pretty, youâre still the only person whoâs ever gotten me to willingly enter a body of water and enjoy it,â he teases you, nudging you gently. You can tell heâs slightly uncomfortable with the topic, but you know he wonât change it. Minho doesnât work like that. Heâs there even when itâs difficult. âIâve tried to find someone better than you after we broke up. I really have. Nothing feels as real. Weâre both kind of fucked up, but it works.â
âWill you ever be able to forgive me, though?â you ask the question thatâs been bugging you for weeks now, your breath hitching in your throat as you wait for him to say something back.
Minho grimaces and shakes his head. âWhat do you think I should forgive?â
He shouldnât have asked that question. Itâs like a dam breaks, and you just start listing everything you think youâve done wrong in the years youâve known Minho.
âI let us break up over something stupid. I let Chris and other people influence my decisions. I let you go. I hated being without you, and when I found out you were sad too, I just felt even worse. I canât believe I hurt you. And then, I invited you to the wedding with me and slept with you. I didn't even check if you were okay, if having sex changed something, if you were still okay with the whole thing⊠And then everything at the weddingâ Itâs just a mess and Iâm ashamed. I should have told you how I felt the second I was sure of it instead of being too proud and stubborn. Iâm sorry for all of that.â
âHey, pretty,â Minho reaches out and squeezes your shoulder, âstop it. All of those things youâve listed? They take two people. The timing wasnât right back then, even if we got along well. I could have called too. I could have fought a bit harder. I slept with you too and I didnât even think how that would affect you, right? Maybe I should have rejected you any of those three times because it was clear you were confused about Chris and your feelings.â
What your ex is saying makes sense, but you still donât think any of it is his fault. âI initiated every time,â you point out. You just wanted him and didnât want to admit that to yourself or him back then because you were stuck on this silly little idea you had. âYou had a choice, but I was the one who pushed for it, so donât feel bad.âÂ
âYeah, but I did have a choice. I could have said no, but I didn't because I was a bit selfish and wanted you for myself. And then Iâd just instantly get reminded that youâre there for a reason, to be with Chris, and I⊠Tried to make it better with SeoyoonâŠâ He scoffs, not looking away even if you can tell heâs uncomfortable. Minho frowns, closing his eyes for a second as he sighs, regret written all over his face. âI shouldnât have done that to her or you because my mind wasnât in it at all. I just kept thinking about you and how stupid I was to sleep with you again when I knew you were there for him. And the wedding⊠You did nothing wrong. You were a bit selfish, but I always let you get away with it, so I canât blame you.â
âI was, and Iâm sorry,â you apologize again. Youâve talked to your therapist about Minho and what youâve done so many times, asking for a session whenever he had an opening just to have a third party listen and understand and help you get your thoughts in order. Now that you feel like some things are clearer, you want him to know too. âI shouldnât have pushed or ignored you or acted like you werenât there just because I was too stubborn to admit that I want you back. Iâm really sorry you felt bad because of me, I feel terrible about that. Itâs all stupid because my favorite memory of the trip is that day at the pool with you.â
Minho chuckles lightly. âI thought you were going to say it was the great sex we had at the wedding, but okayâŠâ
You smack his thigh playfully but canât help grinning. âThat was good too, but you did leave and I felt bad afterward, soâŠâ
âThen I should apologize too.â
âNo, you shouââ
âNo, no,â Minho lifts a finger and grins at you, âI should. If you care about someone, you canât just walk out on them. And I did it twice now. Iâm ashamed of that, itâs not how I should act.â
âYou had every right to leave, though,â you admit, even though itâs hard to say out loud. âI bailed on you twice, too, and didn't even mention the sex after. It's because the first time we did it made me think about us, and I was so⊠confused.â
âConfused?â He hums questioningly, the look on his face still warm. You feel like this is the right moment for this conversationâneither one of you is drunk or trying to lie or run away from it, no matter how awkward and real this is.Â
âIt all felt so⊠Real. When you kissed me, I felt like Iâve been missing it for years. And the sex, I mean, itâs great, but just the way we still work well together and laugh and have fun even if we havenât been close in years is⊠It scared me. I had this really stupid plan for this wedding, but when I woke up to you that morning after we saw each other here, I just got so scared, Minho.â
âWhat scared you, pretty?â he asks with furrowed eyebrows, his fingers gently grazing your back as if heâs trying to calm you down.
âFeelings,â you readily admit, knowing Minho deserves to hear it from you. Itâs the truth, itâs what you admitted to your therapist, what you ran away from, why you didnât even mention you two hooked up when you saw him at the airport, why you wanted to prove so badly that Chris was the one for you. âI woke up in your bed andâ I usually donât stay the night, I donât like waking up or sleeping next to people, I hate the feeling of waking up in someoneâs bed and remembering what happened before, but none of that happened with you. I woke up next to you and just wanted to stay, which I felt was irrational and stupid. I lay there thinking nothing had changed between us, even if we spent years apart. So I left. I bailed. You had every right to do the same to me.â
Minho keeps nodding as you speak, listening to every word. When youâre done, he pats your back. âYeah, you did bail, but I'm not here to break even and try to let you get a taste of your own medicine,â Minho explains, proving once again that heâs the more mature one here. âIt's not how I want us to work. I shouldnât have left.â
Your heart starts beating louder when he uses the word us. Despite that, you take a deep breath, and donât address it. There are things you need to explain first. âI was being pushy, though. You never promised more than sex, and I was trying to talk you into it, which was selfish, and you were completely right. What was the other option, stay there and listen to me talk about how I feel about you? It wasnât what you wanted to hear.â
âPretty, itâs not that I didnât want to hear it.â He leans in, his breath fanning your face. âItâs just that I wanted you to be sober and completely sure of what you were saying, without all these feelings for Chris confusing you. You act on impulse often. Granted, not when it comes to important things, but I just⊠I didn't want you to change your mind about me as fast as you did about Chris.â
âI get that and I shouldnât have tried to talk you into something serious that fast,â you say with a nod. You were trying to get Minho to say serious things, to commit to something with a woman whoâs just been let down. Well, at least from his perspective. âBut, Minho, Iâm sober now. Iâm not let down or hurt about the wedding at all. In fact, I have no feelings for Chris, other than friendly ones.â
You can swear Minhoâs voice quivers when he asks, âAnd for me?â
It doesnât take you long to answer, mostly because he looks like heâs on pins and needles while he waits for you to say something. âI have a lot of feelings for you, Minho. I havenât had most of them for anyone else.â
His eyes meet yours for a second or two, but long enough for you to see softness in the way he looks at you, in the way the corners of his mouth move upwards as he fights off a smile. âThat doesnât sound bad at all.â
âIt really isnât.â You lean in, cocking your head to the side so you can plant a kiss on Minhoâs cheek. When you do, he exhales loudly as if heâs been holding his breath the entire time. âIâve missed you.â
âIâve missed you too,â he responds in his usual tone of voice, refusing to look at you now that youâre so close to him. âIsnât that weird? We went without speaking for so long. We spent a week together and now we miss each other all over again.â
âI think it makes perfect sense.â You shrug and move away from him, leaning into your seat. âWe just work together, even if weâre fucked up.â
âOh, that we are,â Minho says with a chuckle, leaning back into his seat again with a sigh. His hand moves up to the back of your neck, which it squeezes here and there. âSometimes I wonder how things would be if weâd never broken up.â
You nod because you agreeâyou think about that sometimes, wondering what kind of things you would have gone through together, if youâd still be together, if youâd have a family or break up in the end. Once again, you have to contradict Minho, even if it isnât just to spite him this time.Â
âI think it was a good decision,â you admit, making him look at you questioningly. âI know it hurt both of us, but I was immature. You changed a lot since then, but you were always mature and fair. You were right about the things you said that night⊠It was me and my insecurity that ruined the whole thing for us. I wouldnât have changed had we stayed together. Weâd just keep arguing because itâs really hard to love someone who is that insecure and refuses to work on it and expects others to help them get over it. You were right about thaââ
âPretty, no.â Minho moves his hand down to wrap around your waist, pull you back into your seat so youâre closer to him, so he can look you in the eye while he talks to you. âI never said you were hard to love. I never felt that way. We always had a good time together and I was happy with you.â
You lean in closer, feeling like this is something other people should never hear. Minho does the same, his hand on your cheek, cupping it. You admit, âI was happy with you too. Just worried all the time.â
âI know, and thatâs why it didnât work. You were always worried about me breaking up with you or meeting someone else or being interested in someone different or not being jealous enough when I really, really didnât care for anyone else. And Chris, no matter how nice he was to you, didnât really help there. He had his reasons, and maybe it was for the best, but I hope you havenât been thinking youâre hard to love because of the stupid thing I said during that phone call.â
It was the phone call that ended your relationship over a silly little thing said at a party. It wasnât the call or what Minho saidâit was how you felt the entire time, and it had nothing to do with Chris. You just thought you werenât good enough for a guy like Minho because your insecurity always made you think of the worst possible things, convinced you he was just waiting for someone better, easier to be with to come along so he could move on. It was stupid, but you were inexperienced and immature.Â
Still, hearing Minho say these words helps you close that part of your past, get over a fear that was there because of the way things ended, because of the stupid fights you caused by thinking there was no way he could be serious about you.
âThank you,â you breathe the words out, almost thinking Minho canât hear them, but then he smiles. âYou know, it was very easy to love you. I forgot about Chris almost instantly.âÂ
Your hand moves up to his face and you caress his cheek, wanting to hold him for days straight. Even if nothing comes out of this, youâre happy you got to tell Minho what he deserves to hear.
âEven though I was scared you were going to dump me,â you scoff at your own stupidity, âI never even thought about being with him. But I had a lot of growing up to do. I still do, but Iâm working on it.â
âYou are?â Minho asks with a smirk, clearly entertained as he places his hand over yours and brings them both down to his lap, intertwining his fingers with yours. âWhat are you working on?â
âGetting therapy,â you admit. âTrying to be more straightforward and less stubborn.â
âI think youâre doing great,â Minho tells you. âI can see the progress already.â
âStop!â You smack his thigh playfully. âDonât spare my feelings all the time.â
Minho pretends to be offended, placing one of his hands over his heart dramatically before he laughs. âIâm not, I mean it. I know none of this was easy for you to say. And I appreciate that you said it. Especially the âeasy to love' part, I liked that.â
âGood. You are.âÂ
Youâve never meant something more than you mean thatâMinho is easy to love. You didnât want to fall for him back then, your mind preoccupied with the best friend you were pining over, but Minho made it impossible for you to turn him down. He is funny and charming and understanding and caring, and all of that attracted you back then just as much as it does now. Heâs loyal to a fault and often puts other people first. Minho finds apologizing easy, favoring the relationship over being right. He cares deeply about those around him and always tries to make them feel good. Itâs impossible not to love him.
âSo are you,â he says the words that make your eyes waterâitâs the first time anyoneâs said them to you.
âEven if I drag you to Chrisâs wedding and make you think I want to be with him while Iâm just scared shitless of admitting I want to be with you?â you question, still feeling a bit of shame when you mention it. Shame isnât the right word, though, because Minho never makes you feel embarrassed about things. Itâs regretâyou should have been honest with him from the start.
Minho chuckles, rubbing your back. âHm, even then. Maybe a bit too easy to fall back in love with. I told myself Iâd go as your moral support, to comfort you when he inevitably turns you down, and I fucked myself over.â
âYou didn't,â you contradict him, his eyes widening. âI was being an idiot. I should have told you I had no interest in Chris the second I realized it. Maybe I didn't know what exactly I wanted from you, but it would have made things a lot easier for both of us.â
âWell, it would have⊠I wouldnât have taken Seoyoon up on her offer.â
You nod at that, realizing heâs regretting it, even if itâs nothing to regret, not when it comes to you two. âReally, Minho⊠What else was there to do?â
âI could have been an adult and just dealt with my feelings on my own. Or told you about them. But the timing wasnât right. You were already confused over Chris, it just looked like you were holding on to me because it became clear Chris was going to get married, despiteââ
âHey, Minho,â your hand cups his face and you lean in, âI wasnât confused over Chris. You were on my mind most of the time, you and the past and how things changed. Weâ We both could have said something earlier, but we didnât. We canât change this or the past or any of it, but we can learn from it and be more honest with each other.â
âI like the sound of that.â
A while later, you and Minho step out of the bar as he offers to walk you home. Itâs far away, but you accept, knowing it buys you more time around him, more time for deep conversations, more time to fix things. Youâre not sure if anything is going to happen between you two tonight or ever, but you donât want to part ways until youâre sure Minho knows exactly how you feel about him. Even if he doesnât feel the same way, you need to get the words out instead of holding onto feelings for years.
But, he speaks first, his hand on the small of your back as you two walk down the almost empty street, save for a passer-by here and there. âPretty, just a second, please.â
He stops walking so you do the same, turning around to face him, eyes inspecting his face questioningly. His expression gives off his nervousness, and thatâs not like Minho. Did something happen? Is he going to turn you down easily now? Youâre ready for it, whatever it is.Â
His hands touch your waist, sneaking around to wrap around you, pull you in closer until your hips touch his. âI didnât want to talk about this inside or over the phone, but I feel like I have to say it. I really enjoyed the last time weâ That time at your place.âÂ
You find it cute that Minho canât even say sex out loud because he usually has no shame, especially when it comes to this topic. Heâs cocky about it, even, but not tonight. You know whyâhe fucked you raw for the first time since you two have met, came inside of you, and then left. It was an emotional night for you, sure, but you both took part in it.Â
âIt was the first time we did that, and I should have stayed with you,â he lowers his voice and leans in, gently touching your forehead with his, even if only for a brief second. âAnd I should have stayed on the wedding night, it waââ
âMinho,â you cut him off, shaking your head. You donât blame him for this, even if he clearly blames himself. You understand because you blame yourself for many things heâs clearly forgiven you for in the meantime. âI doââ
âPretty, please let me finish,â he cuts you off, lips pursing into a thin line. âI know youâll say itâs fine, but I still want to apologize. I feel bad for sleeping with you and leaving right after, even if you think you had it coming. I donât keep score like that. You were emotional and I shouldnât have slept with you and let us both get carried away. I did it twice now.â
You gulp, swallowing the lump in your throat. So itâs not the sex he regrets, itâs the emotional talk. Youâre ready for this, thoughâyouâve discussed the option with your therapist, your homework for that day being to list what would happen if Minho happens to not reciprocate or not want to get involved with you. No matter how many things you wrote on that paper, your therapist made you come to the same conclusion for each scenarioâyouâd survive. âDid you say things you didnât mean? These things happen, you donât have to apologize.â
âNo,â Minho sighs, his hands rubbing your lower back, âI meant it all. I just shouldnât have said those things and then left. I played with your feelings, even if I felt like I was protecting my own by leaving. I just⊠Pretty, I didnât want to be your second option.â
Second option? Your heart hurts for a second when you realize what kind of thoughts have been running through his head, what thoughts plagued your ex because of you and your little schemes.Â
âYouâre never the second option, not to me, Minho. Not back then, not now. I promise. Iâve said this before, but I mean it. You were right about Chris and how I felt about him. I realized that the second I saw him at the airport. There was nothing there, no butterflies, no attraction, no chemistry, no longing, nothing. And when I saw you walk into that bar that night, Iâ I replayed our entire relationship in my head instantly. I talked to you about another guy but went home with you because I couldnât think about anyone else other than you. Just like I did when we met. Remember?â
Minho hums, pulling you into his frame until his lips touch your forehead. âWhy didnât you say it? I donât blame you because I havenât really told you anything either, not while we were there. Iâm just curious.â
âI was scared of it,â you admit easily this time. You canât really feel scared of anything when youâre in his arms, when you two are acting like youâre alone in the world. âI felt like I ruined every chance I had with you. The breakup was stupid and it was my fault. And then I slept with you after the Chris idea. Then on the island. It was all so messy and I just had a hard time accepting I acted stupid and hurt you and myself. I guess it was easier to believe you donât care about me than to realize you do but Iâve fucked things up and treated you poorly.â
His hand cups your chin, makes you look into his eyes. When you do, youâre greeted with a warm smile. âAnd you think a guy who doesnât care about you would go along with your plan?âÂ
âI thought you saw me as a friend. We still know each other well.â
âPretty, I donât fuck friends. To be honest, I donât fuck anyone that way. I wouldnât go through all that for a fuck, I hope you get that.â He pecks your forehead again and wraps his arms around you. âBut weâre here now.â
âWe are,â you hum back, hugging him just as tightly, resting your head on his shoulder. âSo weâre good?â
âWeâre perfect, as far as Iâm concerned,â Minho responds, placing a soft kiss on the top of your head. âWe have all the time in the world to figure things out. Anything else bothering you?â
âI am kind of upset about you leaving me with your cum to clean,â you mumble, which makes him chuckle before he pulls away. When he does that, Minho grunts and grimaces.
âIâm sorry, I should have stayed at least for that. I promise to help you clean up every time from now on.â The hand on his heart is a cute touch, makes him look even more irresistible.
âOh, from now on?â You canât help but giggle at the promise in his words.
âYes,â Minho grins, âfrom now on.â
Heâs all smiles too, and you know things will be okay. You can take things slowly, get to know each other better again, be there for each other like you used to. âYou sound pretty confident about getting to do it again.â
âItâs hard not to be when you look at me like that, pretty.â
You giggle, shaking your head while he smirks at you. You can never say no to him. âMaybe Iâll let you, but just on special occasions.â
âIs us getting back together a special occasion?â Minho pulls you in closer and pecks your lips. âSounds pretty special to me.â
That night, you sleep over at Minhoâs place. You two didnât know youâd end up thereâhe was walking you home when you started kissing, and you somehow decided to go to his place instead of yours. More space, bigger bed, and youâve been there before. Once you get there, it all feels right. Neither one of you is drunk or confused, and things just fall into place. Things make sense again, weirdly so.Â
After a good, long fuck, you fall asleep next to someone for the first time in years, but you donât feel bad about having someone in bed with you, even if itâs usually something you hate. Itâs Minho, and youâve slept next to him a million times before, so it seems. Youâre used to his quiet breathing, the scent of his body, its warmth, and the way he unconsciously gravitates towards you in his sleep. Whenever you wake up in bed with him, heâs touching you in some way.Â
This morning isnât any different, except that itâs 3 am and youâre wide awake, Minhoâs body pressed into yours from behind. He has a hard-on, which is almost unbelievableâhe came twice just hours ago, and it felt like you were going at it for hours. Still, you know itâs something he canât control, so you ignore it and try to fall asleep.
But, you canât.Â
His dick pulsates against your naked back, leaking some precum that gets smeared onto your skin, and your cunt clenches around nothing. Youâre kind of sore and fucked outâin the best way possibleâbut you still want more, especially when you can feel how hard and warm his cock feels.
Heâs asleep, so you know youâll have to wait a while before you can have Minho, which is why you move away and put an end to the contact of his silky cock with your back.Â
He grunts as you shift. The next second, his arm wraps around your front, pulling you back into his chest. âDonât go,â he mumbles into your hair. âPretty⊠Stay.â
âIâm not going,â you whisper back. Minho made you promise youâd stay the night when you went to bed last night, telling you he didnât want you to run out and act like nothing happened. âJust moving away from your dick.â
He chuckles, squeezing you. âSorry, canât help it. Letâs turn around if you mind.â
âI donât mind⊠I just want it.â
âNow?â Minho grumbles, but he sounds a lot more awake than he did seconds ago.Â
âCan you put it in?â
And just like that, he shimmies down until he can guide his cock to your entrance from the side and stick it in you. Unsurprisingly, it slides in on the third attempt, your cunt still warm and ready, even after hours of sleep. When he bottoms out, Minho hums loudly and presses a lazy kiss to the back of your neck. âFeels perfect, pretty.â
âYou do, baby,â you whisper back, fingers intertwining with his.
It goes on for a while, this lazy fucking of yours, and you wouldnât change a thing about it. Minhoâs movements are slow but pleasurable, and the feeling of his warm body pressed into the back of yours makes you feel like youâre levitating.Â
âIâm never pulling out,â he informs you, voice hoarse.Â
You donât even want him to pull out. Staying in his bed forever seems appealing enough. âI let you fuck me without a condom twice, and youâre already losing it,â you joke, squeezing his hand tighter, and he laughs, nuzzling his nose into your hair, inhaling deeply. It feels like you are meant to be there.
âIâve been losing it over you for a while now,â Minho admits, not joking at all. The statement isnât followed by a chuckle, but by a peck on your shoulder. âThe sex is just a bonus⊠Do you want to come?â
âIâm not sure I can,â you tell him, feeling tired but so comfortable with him.Â
Minho brings his fingers up to his mouth and sucks on two of them, getting them wet. When they leave his mouth and make their way down to your clit, he hums, âIâll try anyway, hm? Maybe it will help you sleep.â
âOr maybe it will completely wake me up,â you joke, but youâre pretty sure youâll pass out after coming and sleep like a log.Â
âOh, no, weâll have to pull an all-nighter together!â he whispers teasingly, pressing the pads of his fingers against your clit. âIs this okay?â
âMhm,â you hum in agreement, lifting your leg in the air, resting your foot on his thigh. That way, he has better access and he can keep fucking you slowly while his fingers circle the spot heâs licked and sucked and touched for hours today. âJust donât press too hard.â
âI forgot how sensitive you get after a couple of roundsâŠâ Minho giggles, kissing your cheek, his cock now moving just a bit faster, in and out. Itâs sloppy and wet, lazy, but so comfortable and pleasurable. Youâre wet, walls swollen and still buzzing from earlier, so feeling his cock sheath through them and pull back just a bit makes you practically purr. âCouldnât stop myself. Maybe I am selfish.â
âIf this is how you being selfish ends, please be selfish some more.â
He laughs and starts kissing your neckâhis lips press into it, tongue pushing through to lick the small piece of skin before slowly moving up to suck the sweet spot under your ear that makes you squirm and clench around his dick. You canât really move away, not when his other hand is between your neck and the pillow, palm on your chest, kneading your tit. Youâre locked in place, but you enjoy it.Â
âFuck,â you groan at him, feeling your walls tighten. Youâre sore, clit practically numb at this point, but heâs doing such a good job with everything. Itâs not just about the sex and his hands on youâitâs about his kisses and how close Minho is holding you, and the fact that youâre here together, that you both care enough to give it a try. âYouâll make me come againâŠâ
âGood,â Minho tells you with a smile. You canât see it, but you can hear his tone change and you just know heâs happy with himself. He should be. âBecause I canât wait to come inside you again.â
You chuckle, realizing youâve spoiled him already, that he wonât want to go back to the old way of having sex, that your boyfriend will want to come inside of you as many times as youâll let himâand it all just makes you happy.Â
You two keep going like that for a while, eyes closed, teetering on the brink of sleep. Despite being exhausted, your body is reacting to Minhoâs touch, to the feeling of having him inside of you and gently swaying his hips, of his hand rubbing your clit as softly as possible, of his other hand holding on to your chest, of his body pressed into yours.Â
âMinho, donât stop, baby, pleaseââ Warmth spreads from the pit of your stomach to the end of your toes, making them curl, making your body clench right before you reach your high and come for him, walls clamping and releasing around his length easily, like theyâre not swollen, like he hasnât rubbed every inch of them tonight. âYes!â
He gives you a couple of quick thrusts before he grunts your name into your neck. After that, he gets sloppy and you realize heâs filling you up quietly, pushing his erection into you as far as it can go, clearly feeling everything deeply, like you are. Maybe it's because youâre in the dark and nothing other than your breathing and panting can be heard. Maybe you feel that way because youâve been so happy since you two met tonight. Maybe itâs because heâs just enjoying his orgasm. Whatever it is, Minho is giving the thrusts his all as he comes inside of you and kisses your cheek.
âGive me that shirt over there,â he asks of you, pointing to the shirt he sleeps in that he tactically didnât wear tonight. Sleeping naked has its perks, and one of them is just fucking whenever you wake up without any barriers between your warm bodies.
When you hand him the shirt, Minho sits up propped on his palm, using his other hand to wipe away the cum thatâs running out of you and onto your inner thigh. âIâm sorry, I canât get up to get a towel, Iâm so spent, prettyâŠâ
âItâs fine,â you mumble, cleaning up the last thing on your mind.Â
Minho wipes you clean pretty fast and throws the shirt on the floor before lying back down. âCome here,â he hums, helping you turn to face him before he wraps his arms around you and pulls you into his side, your head resting on his chest. âYou make me happy, pretty⊠Hope you know it.â
Your heart threatens to burst out of your chest at his words, mostly because you know he means them. âI⊠Minho⊠Iâm so happy that I never want to be without you again.â
He chuckles slowly, tangling his fingers in your hair and gently tugging at your roots. âThen donât, pretty.â
For a while, you two lay there in silence, bodies wrapped around one anotherâs, his hand on your head, caressing it gently. Your body is exhausted, buzzing with pleasure, melding into his like it belongs there. Doesnât it?Â
âYou were never the second option,â you reiterate your earlier conclusion just because you think Minho deserves to know this. You donât feel like youâve done a great job at explaining your feelings, even if you did your best. Thereâs so much you want him to know, but the only thing you can do is tell him how you feel every day. Create the perfect conditions.Â
Minhoâs palm runs across your forehead and he looks down at you with a smile. âYouâre never my second option, either.â
You nod, thankful that heâs here with you now, that youâll get to have him in your life. âIâm sorry,â you say again, for the fiftieth time tonight alone, but you canât not feel bad when you remember everything that happened and how you almost didnât get to explain anything, how you almost lost Minho forever because you were stubborn and childish. âI know I hurt you.â
Minho shakes his head and cups your face, humming gently. âLetâs make a deal. We stop apologizing for the past. What do you say? Weâve already explained it all. You did hurt me, but I hurt you too. We forgave each other and weâre moving past it. Donât get stuck there, okay?â
You nod and lift your head off his chest so you can kiss him, taste him again, humming when he kisses back. It all feels so right, like you were never supposed to leave, even if it was for the best. Youâve changed for the better since then, and Minho deserves the best. âIs that a yes?â
âIt is,â you say in between pecks. âCan I hold you?â
Minho titls his head to the side and smiles, his eyes closing every couple of seconds as sleep starts taking over him. âSure.â He makes it sound like itâs nothing, even if itâs his favorite thing, so you chuckle and lay down on your back, motioning for him to come closer.Â
Without a word, Minho changes positions and rests his head on your chest, lets you play with his hair while you plant soft kisses along his forehead. âI havenât done this in a long time, and I really wanted to.â
âYou have?â
âMhm,â you hum, realizing heâs already drifting asleep now that youâre touching him the way he likes it, your fingers running up and down his skull, fingertips caressing it. âWanted to hold you like this the first time we saw each other at the bar, and every day after. I know itâs your favorite.â
âYouâre my favorite, pretty,â he mumbles, too tired to open his eyes, so you kiss him again and keep quiet so he can fall asleep. Youâre not going anywhere and there will be plenty of chances to talk about how you feel about each other. Instead of saying something, you squeeze him and kiss him again, wanting him to feel he is loved.
if you want to support my writing, you can buy me a coffee here and let me know what you think about it here. thank you! âĄ
Im once again crying but this time im really happy TT
Iâm so happy they were finally able to be happy together TTđ this chapter was so sweet i loved it also i will always be jealous of them because they also had great chemistry in sex jsjsjsjsj i need to know what can i find someone who loves me as much as Lino lvs main lead, im really sad i finished this lovely fic but happy i got to read it i enjoyed it sm đ„° the sex scenes were always awesome very hot, the chemistry between the main leads was amazing even if i wanted to fight them a lot because of all the misunderstandings and feelings that they didnt say and i loved the back story and that Chan was included TT and that he also got his happy ending ahhhhh such a lovely series đ„čđ
Chris gets married, but your mind is in a different place entirely.
âą pairing: minho x fem!reader
âą word count: 13.1k
âą genre: smut, angst, non-idol!au, fake dating!au, exes to lovers!au, unrequited love, love triangle, exboyfriend!minho, ex!best friend chan
âą warnings: smut, oral (m. & f. receiving), protected sex, one tit slap, interrupted sex, crying during sex, rejection, angst
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âą reblogs and feedback are always motivating and appreciated! âĄ
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if you want to support my writing, you can buy me a coffee here and let me know what you think about it here. thank you! âĄ
The morning of the wedding is one of the worst ones youâve had, and it has nothing to do with the fact that Chris is getting married. At this point, you donât care that the idea of this love you think was destined to be has gone down in flames. Youâre hungover, feel like shit, and donât even want to leave your room to face the world orâmore preciselyâMinho.Â
You acted like a complete idiot last night before you even picked up the phone and called his best friend to cry about the guy. The whole thing is embarrassing, to say the least. Jisung has probably already informed Minho of your drunken call. Maybe they even had a good laugh about it, seeing as the best friend could never stand you in the first place.Â
Maybe Minho is upset youâve taken it upon yourself to call his best friend to bitch about things youâve ruined. Maybe your call has broken the trust between you two, if there was any left to begin with. After leaving him alone for three hours at a party you invited him toâwell, dragged him toâyou kind of doubt it.Â
But, all of these things are something you should worry about later since it's the wedding day, after allâyou have no time to feel sorry for yourself or regret every single thing that has led to this point in your life. Besides, you have to attend the wedding. Saying you have a stomach bug wonât get you out of it because youâre sure other people got drunk last night too.Â
So, you get ready and hope you look somewhat decent, that people won't be able to notice how terrible you feel and how puffy your face is from all the crying and the alcohol, that people wonât understand what kind of things youâve learned about yourself and your life in the last couple of hours. Will anyone notice your life has fallen apart, broken at the seams because of your stubbornness and idiocy? No amount of makeup can hide the remnants of the hangover youâre sporting, though, even if the dress does a good job of moving attention away from your face.
At exactly 10 am, Minho knocks on your door, just like youâve agreed earlier, before the fight, before you were so mean to him. Your breath hitches in your throat when you hear him knock because a part of you was expecting him to just meet you downstairs, but here he is, playing along once again.Â
When you open the door, you two just stare at each other for a while, unsaid words swirling in your head, said words followingâwhy did you tell him all those things? He didnât deserve any of it. Most of it was misdirected anger, feelings you felt towards past you, the idiot who couldnât see what she had because she was too afraid of what might happen in the future. Well, the future is now, and youâre still a scared idiot. This time, youâve fucked up even worse.
With that in mind, you open the door, unsure of what youâre expecting to see on the other side. An angry ex? An indifferent Minho? Worst of all, a hurt Minho? Your ex stands there silently, eyeing you from head to toe.
You forgot how handsome Minho looks in a suit, especially when itâs a fitted one, when he wears earrings and rings, and styles his hair so his forehead is showing, completely entrancing you. Heâs always a gorgeous man, but when he puts in this much effort, itâs hard to stop staring. âHey,â he tells you, snapping you from your thoughts.
âI, uh⊠You⊠Youâre on time,â you say stupidly, stepping out of the room with your purse in hand, ready to get out of there and let this moment end. You canât stand to have his gaze on youâevery second of it reminds you of how idiotic youâve acted, and the fact that heâs not going to address whatâs happened last night isnât helping. âLetâs go.â
Minho follows right behind you, staying quiet until you reach the elevator and go down. âYou look great,â he compliments you with a hoarse voice, which is when you take a good look at him. The bags under his eyes give off the impression that his night was as bad as yours. Was your stupid fight the reason? Did you manage to ruin even that for him? Did he stay up all night thinking and drinking like you?Â
âYou do too, Minho,â you say right back. A part of you wants to reach out and touch him, beg him to forgive you for being an ass to him all this time, but words donât come. Youâre too afraid to open that can of worms right now, too scared of getting hurt all over again, of hating yourself even more. âSharp.â
He nods at you and looks to the side. Clearly, youâve been too meanâthe guy canât even look at you anymore. Your mind takes you to that afternoon at the pool, the thing you started there and ended in his room, and how carefree you felt. Happy. Now, itâs all gone. Minho mutters, âWell, I hope this is over soon.â
Over? The sooner the wedding ceremony ends, the sooner you two will go home. Judging by how you left things, Minho will not continue being your friendâor whatever he is. Can you blame him? âHm, the wedding?â
âYeah,â he says curtly, even though youâre not sure he means just that. After all, maybe your ex just wants to get rid of all the stress youâve brought into his life again, as Jisung suggested. âUh, good luck with⊠Chris.â
Chris? Just the mention of his name hurts because youâve been such an idiot all this time, especially with this plan. Whatâs Chris got to do with all of this?
âListen, about last night, Iâm sorry Iââ You try to apologize, not even wanting to discuss the Chris part, but Minho cuts you off by lifting his hand to face level and glancing at you.
âNo need for that, okay?â He looks at you with an expression you canât read at all. Donât you owe him a big apology for being so selfish and breaking your promise? Didnât he get upset last night? âYou have bigger things to worry about today. Itâs all good.â
Nothing is good, but you canât even begin to explain it all to him, so you donât. And then, the elevator door opens, and youâre greeted by a bunch of other guests who are on their way to the hotel beach, where the wedding is happening. Itâs time to be jolly and celebrate love and forget that youâre a selfish person who never thinks of others.
âIâm glad youâre here,â Christopher hugs you warmly, planting a soft kiss on your temple when you and Minho join the rest of the guests at the beach. Itâs still fairly early, but Chris is there greeting everyone. âItâs good to have someone who knows the old me here. The new me is happy, but this is making me nostalgic in a good way. Iâm even glad Minhoâs here.â
âCanât believe Iâm getting to hear you say that!â you tell your friend, patting his shoulders while still in his embrace. Minho has already found a glass of champagne and went to find his seat, not even trying to be friendly. You canât blame him. âThought you didnât like him.â
âI⊠Heâs a good guy. You know, I was just jealous of him when I acted like he was the worst guy out there. And that was wrong of me.â Chris places his hand over his heart and nods. Suddenly, you wonder why he is saying all of this. Could it be? âBack then, I thought you were the one for me and that I had to do everything in my power to stop you from being with someone else. I hated seeing you with him because I thought I could make you happier, but deep down, I just knew I couldnât compete with Minho, which is why I never said a thing. I realized later on that I was acting selfish, and loveâs not selfish. It canât be. If it is, itâs not real.â
âYou, you believe that?â You feel so bad about scheming to ruin this manâs wedding that heâs clearly so fucking happy about. Chris looks thrilled to be there, and you almost tried to ruin that out of selfishness. Heâs so in love that he wants others to feel that type of love too, which is why heâs setting you up with Minho, putting in a good word for him.
âYes. My beautiful soon-to-be wife? Iâve never been jealous of any man in her life. Iâve never wanted to threaten her happiness with someone else or on her own so that I could be happy. I love her and I care about her more than I can explain, but her happiness matters to me. And it would be selfish of me to think that Iâm the only person in the world who can make her feel that way,â Chris admits to you, grinning from ear to ear. Guilt fills you from head to toe. You didnât feel that way about him, thatâs sure. What you felt used to be a lot more selfish than the thing Chris is describing.
âI⊠Maybe youâre right about that. Sheâs lucky to have you,â you admit, wholeheartedly meaning it. Sunyoung and Chris deserve all the happiness in the world. Minho does, too. You, not so muchâimmoral scheming assholes usually donât.
âAnd youâre lucky to have Minho, you know,â Chris leans in to whisper, giggling when he does. âI mean it, from the bottom of my heart. Itâs been years, and you told me you two had lost touch for a long time too, but⊠Heâs looking at you like youâre magic after all these years. We saw each other at the bar last night and talked, and this guy⊠He is the one. I know that for you, and I hope you will see it with time.â
âYou can't know that, Chris, no one can.â You donât want to believe it, you just donât. If Minho is the best guy youâve ever been with, you have to accept the fact that youâve completely ruined everything with him, not just years ago, but even now with your stupid little scheme.Â
Youâve shown him that youâre a pretty immoral person who doesnât care about others, who only wants to get what she thinks is best for her, who doesn't care about who gets hurt along the way. Minho can do a lot better than that. Youâve been mean to the man time and time again. Itâs defeating.
âI know what a girl like you wants, right? Lord knows Iâve pretended to be that for a long time. I wanted to be it, so I changed into it, but it was a facade.â He hums knowingly as if he understands everything. âMinho doesnât have to change at all. Well, he could be a bit nicer, but I guess thatâs a part of his charm.â
âI wish I could see that too,â you admit, defeated beyond belief. Youâve ruined every single thing you could have possibly ruined. âI⊠I am happy for you. I wanted to tell you something, but now I feel like itâs just words that donât mean anything. I am so confused.â
âI know what you wanted to tell me,â Chris tells you softly, now looking straight into your eyes, and you feel like time stands still. Does he really know, or is he just assuming things? âTrust me, I knew it from the second I saw you. But itâs all smoke and mirrors on both ends. Weâre friends who care about each other. You donât love me like you should love a boyfriend or a husband, and I donât feel that for you, either.â
âYou know?â you ask, even though heâs just told you he does. Chris knows you wanted to confess your feelings for him a couple of days before his wedding or even on his wedding day, trying to ruin it, yet heâs treating you so nicely. Itâs an eye-opening and extremely embarrassing moment, and you wish the ground would swallow you whole. âIâm sorry.â
âItâs fine, Iâm not angry. I understand. I also see that you two are not with each other, not really,â Chris lets you know with a smirk that tells you heâs completely onto you, and you feel like you want to cry out of shame. âWhen you are together, thereâs so much chemistry that sparks are flying, so itâs kind of noticeable you arenât. When I first saw him at the airport, I thought to myself that Iâm screwed. I thought Sunyoung would be jealous that we arenât as lovey-dovey as you two. I wondered if Minho was really going to outshine me at my own wedding by acting more in love than me.â
You chuckle at his confession but still feel so embarrassed about Chris knowing everything. Your dignity is completely gone at this point, and not just because of this. You do think Minho and you had a lot of chemistry, but a part of you wants to contradict Chris just so you can feel like you didnât fuck up the best thing you had. âWe were never lovey-dovey.â
âMaybe not in my way, but Minho always had his hand on or around you, was always there for you. Even if heâs not touching you, he looks at you like youâre the only woman around,â he points out and leans in again. âA little bird told me two of the guests heard you two are going through a rough patch and made a move on him. Both got turned down. Heâs a single man, he could have gone for it. Isnât Minho just here to have fun? Heâs not here to support me.â
He did? You didnât know about any of this, but it doesnât have to mean anything. Minho could find someone to sleep with or date instantly. His turning down two women might just mean he wasnât into them. Didnât he try it with Seoyoon just last night? âStop, he doesnât feel that way about you. Heâs not⊠Hateful.â
âI know. Like Iâve said, we had a talk last night, and it just solidified my conviction that he is the one for you.â
A talk? You wonder what Minho and Chris told each other while you were upstairs getting drunk and calling Minhoâs best friend. But, you wonât askâyou have to respect peopleâs privacy, no matter how much you want to know every single detail about this. What did Minho say?
âWhy is that?â you ask at least that.
âThe things I said about love not being selfish? He⊠Minho called me late last night, asked me to have a drink with him if I wasnât in bed already. MinhoâŠâ Chris clears his throat and sighs, clearly trying to find a good way to say whatever it is that the two of them discussed. âHe tried to, uh, hint that if Iâm not 100% sure of this marriage or if I have some lingering feelings for you, that you might have them too, and that itâs a thing that shouldnât be wasted.â
Chrisâs words hit you like a ton of bricks across the face and you gasp, trying to hide it by covering your mouth with your hand. Minho did that? You told him such mean things and insulted him, insinuating he was terrible towards you and selfish, and he went out there and tried to put in a good word for you, even though he thinks breaking people up is immoral. He is too good for you, Jisung was completely right about that.
âIsnât that love? Heâs doing something morally wrong because thereâs a slight chance of that making you happy with someone else. See what I mean?â Chris pats your shoulder and smiles knowingly, and youâre just astounded by the understanding he exudes after the way youâve treated both of them. âI would have never done that for you, and you wouldnât have done it for me, right? We wanted each other possessively. But that's not what we should go for.â
âThank you, Chris, for understanding. Iâm sorry about all this, I do feel like a fool for even coming. I donât know what I was thinking.â
âItâs fine. Nothing happened. Iâm glad you are both here. We are friends, after all.â
âI⊠Iâm glad that we are.â
âMe too,â he tells you with a nod. âAnd you should go for it. Him, I mean. I know what you wanted to tell me, but I also see the way you look at him. No matter what kind of things you told me about your relationship with Minho, you canât hide how you feel when you look at him. Iâve seen you look at Minho that same way before and thatâs when I realized I lost back then. You never looked at me that way. So go for it. Youâre not getting a third chance anytime soon.â
The wedding is beautiful. Minho sits next to you, but you two donât say a word to each other. Heâs two drinks in by the time the ceremony starts, and you feel so embarrassed after finding out what heâs done for you last night despite your treatment of him. Besides, your heart has been racing ever since the pep talk with Chris, since hearing what he, as someone who used to know you well, thinks about you and your feelings towards the guy whoâs sitting next to you and pretending you donât exist.Â
The two women on his left keep talking to Minho, and youâre too busy focusing on the ceremony to even react so you two donât say much to each other throughout the whole thing. The women do say a lot, but you try not to pay attention. You have a feeling Minho is not going to be interested in sleeping with them or leading them on, not after the fight you two have had, not after everything. But then again, heâs no one to you, and he has every right to engage in whatever type of relations he wants. Besides, Seoyoon is more than willing to fuck him.
When Chris and Sunyoung say âI do,â your eyes well with tears and you donât fight them. Instead, you cry for the couple, happy that theyâve found each other. Chris is so secure in his love for Sunyoung that you canât doubt it for a second. Besides, itâs not your place to doubt other peopleâs feelingsâyou donât even understand your own. They both have a lot of compassion for others and one another, and you know they will be happy for a long time.
You feel Minho glancing at you when you wipe your tears away, but you donât want to explain why youâre crying and why you feel incredibly lonely and fucked up, even if it has nothing to do with Chris. Without a word, your ex pats the small of your back a couple of times, and you nod thankfully. âYouâll be fine, pretty,â he leans in to whisper, âyouâve always been fine.â Another act of kindness he doesnât have to show youâyou donât deserve it.
After the wedding, everyone has lunch at the hotel pavilion and talks about how beautiful the wedding was, how perfect they are for each other, how the day is full of love. Minho and you donât talk a lot, other than saying a couple of words about the food in front of you and the drinks youâre having. Youâre still shocked and embarrassed by everything thatâs happened and Minho seems to be a lot colder towards you than usual, even though heâs shown you kindness earlier, thinking youâre hurting over Chris. But thatâs all it isâpity. He thinks the love of your life just got married and that youâre crushed by that, when youâre in fact crushed by completely different feelings.
After lunch, the band starts playing and people drink even more. The dessert is served and then cocktails by the pool. Youâve never felt more alone than you do now while youâre watching your ex mingle with the old ladies that have asked him to go get them cocktails. Helpful as always, Minho went to the bar and brought them their drinks, hanging around to chat and the fact that heâs laughing more with three grandmas heâs never seen before than you is devastating. Is this what it feels like not to be his center of attention, not to be given the time of day by your ex?Â
Things donât change even when you go back to the garden where the band keeps playing, where the waiters serve drinks and snacks, where most people are already drunk like itâs the wee hours of the morning. Guests are drinking and dancing, and even Minho is on the dancefloor, impressing people with his dance skills while you sit around the table and drink, feeling sorry for yourself.Â
Someone hugs you from behind while youâre sitting there moping, and you realize itâs Sunyoung when she giggles. âHey there⊠Are you okay?â
âGreat, great, just a bit tired,â you admit, telling her the wedding was gorgeous once again. It truly is. You tell her how beautiful and happy she looks because she does. Once the idea of being with her now husband left your mind as quickly as it entered it, you started seeing things as they were, which means you now appreciate Sunyoung and her kindness. Sheâs a great person and exactly what Chris deserves.
âI hope youâll have fun despite that,â she whispers, squeezing you one more time. âYou should get out there. You canât let those hyenas touch your man like that.â
Sheâs joking, but a part of you agrees with Chrisâs wifeâeveryone here thinks you and Minho are together, yet heâs dancing with random women who seem to be entranced by everything he does. Youâve been watching them for a while now, noticing how their hands touch his sides, how two of them sandwich your ex, one grinding her pelvis into his ass while the other ground her ass into his crotch.
Itâs nasty, to say the least, but thatâs what weddings are forâeither you get married or you donât, and in the latter case, you get drunk and try to get laid. Itâs exactly what Minho has joked about doing here. These women seem to be on the same page, ready to have some fun with him, and you canât blame them. Heâs breathtaking, especially when he dances and smiles like that. You know what itâs like to be on the receiving end of his attention, to feel so wanted and special like youâre the only person around. And thatâs a feeling only Minho can give.
Heâs free to touch and kiss and fuck any of these women. He doesnât owe you a single thing. So, why should you feel bad if Minho takes these girls to his room and gives them the type of pleasure heâs given you? Why do you care if his lips kiss theirs, if his strong hands hold onto their hips as he fucks them, if he nuzzles up to their neck and grunts as he shoots his load into the condom? You shouldnât care but you do, and denying it is pointless right now. You want him, not Chris, not any other guy youâve ever had any kind of feelings for. All of them faded completely, all of them are based on memory aloneâthe thing with him is real.
So, if Minho wants just sex, why not with you? After downing your sixth glass of champagne, you do something stupid again. Instead of calling it a day and going to your room, admitting your defeat, realizing youâve fucked up everything you could, you make your way to Minho, who chuckles when he sees you approaching.
âHey, pretty, want to join us?â he asks, amused by the look on your face as you approach their little trio. Itâs the first thing heâs told you all night.Â
âTime for your reward, Lee Minho!â You grab his tie and pull him away from the women he's dancing with until he almost crashes into your chest. He doesnât seem displeased. âLetâs go.â
âNow?â Your ex seems surprised, but heâs still chuckling, seemingly unbothered by the fact you broke up his little possible menage a trois. He doesnât even mention the fight you two had last night. âThe fun is just starting!â
âOh, weâll have a lot of fun,â you hiss at him and make it sound like a threat.Â
Youâre not sure whatâs gotten into you, but if your stunning ex is just looking to get laid, why not with you? You two have great sex, and a one-night stand canât even come close to itâyou both know that. You can give him sex without feelings. Well, you can try, but he doesnât have to know about all that. You can fuck him now and deal with your feelings later, just like he asked you to.
Minho seems to feel the same way because he follows you into the elevator without a word, watching you intently as you press the button to your floor. When you do, you turn to face him and crash your lips into his roughly, like youâve been wanting to all day. Finally, you get to taste him again, palming his firm chest over his shirt, pushing your tongue past his lips.Â
But, your ex stops you by cupping your face and moving it away from his own as gently as possible, eyebrows furrowed as Minho inspects your face. âWait, wait, whatâs going on?â His eyes shift from your eyes to your lips, as if heâs trying to figure out whatâs wrong.Â
âStop talking, okay?â you suggest, not wanting to explain yourself or a single thing thatâs happened. Minho nods and lets you kiss him again, even though you can feel he is tense.
You just need him today. Thatâs all. Not Chris, not alcohol, not the party or dancingâjust Minho. Your hand makes its way down to the front of his pants, and you enjoy feeling him slowly get erect under your palm while you kiss him. Take that, Seoyoon! Soon enough, youâll have him inside of you, and things will make sense for a while, even if only because your ex always manages to fuck any semblance of a coherent thought right out of you.
âJust a second, please, prettyâŠâ Minho breaks the kiss again, this time grabbing your shoulders to push you away from his body, to keep you at a safe distance while he asks his questions. âDid something happen? Did you tell him?â
âI⊠Minho, maybe donât talk about another man while Iâm playing with your dick,â you suggest with a snicker, your mind so far away from Chris as your palm rubs his cock over the suit pants that hug his thighs perfectly.
âGodâŠâ Minho sighs and places his hands over yours, pulling it away from his erection. âI want this, trust me, but I don't want you to do something just because youâre hurt. And if you talked to him, youâre definitely hurt.â
You canât believe Minho is so selfless that heâs still thinking about your feelings, after everything. Your heart starts beating louder, its thumping overpowering the sound of your long sigh.
âIâm not, surprisingly,â you admit, shaking your head. Not one part of you is hurt about Chris getting married. âI didnât tell him. I didnât have to, he knew. And you were right, maybe itâs time I move on and stop idealizing someone. And who better to do that with than the guy I could never idealize?â
Minho laughs loudly, rolling his eyes at your little jab, but you feel him relaxing against you, letting you touch him again. âI had that one coming.â
Itâs a compliment, though. You canât idealize him because you see Minho as a person with flaws. He can be stubborn when he wants to, he can be very blunt when telling the truth, he doesnât change his opinions easily. But, he also makes every situation comfortable, he makes you feel cared for even when you donât deserve it at all, and he is caring despite the mean schtick that nobody buys.Â
He is stubborn, but that means Minho doesnât give up on thingsâor peopleâeasily. Heâs dependable and caring. He is blunt, but he will never lie or sugarcoat things and will be there even if he doesnât necessarily approve of what youâre doing. Itâs hard to change his mind sometimes, but he stands his ground even when people push him, which is why it took him so long to give up on you back then, even if his best friend constantly pushed for Minho to find someone else, even if it was obvious he deserved someone better than you.
You nod slowly, looking up at him through your lashes when you notice that smirk you know and love. âYou have a lot more coming.â
âBring it on, pretty,â your ex teases, wrapping his arms around your waist and spinning you around so you face the open elevator door. âWeâre here.â
Youâre not sure how you make it to your room because youâre too busy kissing and groping Minho to even open your eyes, but he gets you there safely.
Somehow, it all feels right. Youâre not sure if Minho is the man for you, but does that matter right now? You canât focus on your feelings, not when youâre on your knees and heâs cupping your face as he brings his shaft to your mouth. You always salivate at the sight of this gorgeous man tugging his dick for you, ready to give it to you, and tonight is no different.
The second he feels your tongue wrap around his tip, Minho throws his head back and hisses, hips jerking towards you. âSorry, I just⊠You look so pretty like this, turn me on so much.â
You hum around his erection, wanting to tell him he turns you on just as much, but you decide to show it by taking all of him in, until your nose touches the neatly trimmed pubic area, until he grunts and grabs your head by the hair, moaning your name.
Heâs so easy to please in your eyes because youâve done it a million times. You know how Minho likes it when heâs sad, when heâs happy, when heâs upset, when heâs just mindlessly horny, like now. He wants it sloppy and hard, so you donât even care about the drool thatâs spilling out of your mouth as he fucks your throat, donât care about the makeup thatâs running down your face with every tear that drops, caused by the intensity of his thrusts into your mouth.
And then, Minho stops and pulls his cock out, hands grabbing yours so he can help you get up. When he does, his mouth on you is all you can feelâon your lips, on your cheek, your neck, collarbone, between your breasts⊠He leads the way to the bed, arms wrapped around you.Â
The next second, youâre on the bed, and heâs pushing your dress up your thighs, lifting your hips so he can roll the dress up and get his prize. The underwear gets discarded, and Minhoâs mouth latches to your inner thigh, suckling on the skin while his other hand runs up and down your other thigh.
âPlease, donât tease,â you say shakily, your hips jerking up at every contact of his warm and wet mouth with your skin. âPlease, I need you.â
âMhm, youâre being so good to me tonight,â he chuckles and dives right in, making you forget about everything else.Â
His mouth does wonders on you, as always, fingers stretching you out, getting you ready to take his cock while his lips stay wrapped around your clit, flicking, licking, sucking it. Youâre embarrassingly wetâyou can feel a pool of juices and his saliva pool right under your ass, but you canât get yourself to care, not when Minhoâs tongue and fingers send you over the edge.
You groan his name and grab him by the hair, pushing his face further into you as your hips buck towards him. All you hear is faint buzzing, all you see are white dots as a red fire washes over your body, igniting something in you, something that makes you prop yourself up on your elbows and look at him. âFuck me. I miss it.â
Minhoâs expression softens when he hears that, and heâs on his feet in a second, discarding the rest of his clothes, so you do the same, not wanting to have a single barrier between the two of you.
When he gets on top of you, you sigh with reliefâhis body is firm and warm, fits on top of yours perfectly, and so does his mouth. âCondom?â Minho asks you, to which you stupidly shake your head.
One taste of his dick, and youâre already losing all your common sense, letting yourself drown in feelings for him, letting desire take over you. That was what being with him was likeâjust emotions carrying you through everything. It used to scare you so much, make you believe he could easily manipulate you, that he could use you until he got tired of you. Nowadays, that fear is completely gone.Â
âPretty, are you sure?â Minho looks down at you, and you think heâs never looked hotter than he does nowânaked on top of you, his hands helping him stay above you, hair falling over his eyes as he keeps himself up.Â
âI want you,â you say with a nod, spreading your legs wide. When you do that, his cock rubs against your slit, and you both hiss. âIâve never been able to give it to you before, even though you always wanted it. Want to feel you.â
âI would love that, but I think this is the alcohol speaking,â Minho informs you as he pushes himself off of you and goes looking for his suit jacket. You whine, but he cuts you off with a groan. âYou wanted a condom the last time we did this. So weâre doing it like this now.â
In a couple of seconds, heâs back on top of you, a condom rolled over his thick cock. âBut Iâm telling you I donât care tonight,â you whine, looking right into his eyes. You mean it. You donât care about anything elseâyou just want to be with him. Minho always went on about fucking you without a condom, even if you were too scared to ever try it back then. Youâre on birth control, so thereâs no fear now, and you trust Minho with your life.
âOkay,â your ex leans in and pecks you, âthen Iâll fuck you raw when youâre sober, how about that? Not tonight, though.â
You nod, knowing Minho is really stubborn about certain things. If he says no, he means it, and not even you can convince him to give in, even if he wants to come inside of you badly. And you know he does. Heâs whispered that into your ear so many times when he fucked you back then, whining about how wet and warm you feel, how he wanted to feel you without the condom on, telling you he wished he could pump you full of cum all the fucking time.
Neither one of you was willing to risk it, of course, but the fantasy turned you both on. When youâd hear your usually composed boyfriend practically whine into your ear about wanting to feel your pussy for real, wanting to give you all his cum, and watch how it spills out of you, youâd come so hard youâd have to take a little break to recover.Â
So, despite wanting it, Minho is not drunk enough to actually go through with it, which youâre sure sober you will appreciate tomorrow. âThen fuck me like this,â you tell him, grabbing his cock and leading it to your entrance, to which he smirks. âJust let me feel you.â
Slowly but surely, Minho pushes his entire length inside of you, your walls stretching to let him inside, wrapping around him when he buries himself into you to the hilt. And then, everything unfolds, and you start feeling like youâre somewhere else, your brain shutting off.
All you feel is your limbs splaying to your sides and Minho thrusting into you, fast, hard, just the way you like it. You hear him grunting as he sheaths his cock in you, feel him tense and relax. Your crotch is clenching and dripping for him, and he is giving you exactly what you want. Youâre not sure how long it goes on. Itâs all so rhythmical and calming and your entire body is buzzing as you just look at him on top of you and he looks right back at you, never breaking eye contact.Â
You canât read Minhoâs expression, and tonight, you donât even try. You donât want to guess how he feels and you donât want him to know how you feelâitâs all too raw for you to talk about now, while heâs inside of you, while heâs reminding you of everything you feel for him.
âLook so pretty all fucked out like that,â Minho grunts at you before he attaches his lips to your nipple and slows down a bit. âGod, I missed your cunt.â
âFuck,â you hiss at his words, your chest warming up at the compliment, even if itâs just sexual. You want Minho to miss you because you feel the same way. âIâve missed this too.â
âGood,â he chuckles against your skin and gives your nipple a slight bite, âyouâre gonna get it, pretty, donât worry. All night, if you want to.â
âPlease, keep fucking me all night,â you beg, sounding so desperate that it would be embarrassing if you werenât so utterly desperate for his attention and touch. âDonât stop.â
âIâll try,â Minho tells you and starts fucking you again. âCanât promise Iâll last that long when you feel this good.â
Youâre not sure how long it lasts, but every thrust feels great, fills you up fully, makes you get wetter. Youâre both hissing and grunting at each other, eyes glued to the otherâs face, and yet, the loudest sound is the wetness that comes from your crotch because of him.Â
âSo fucking wetâŠâ Minho notes with a confident smirk. âLike my cock that much?â
âLove it, baby,â you hum at him, hands wrapping around his neck, pulling him in closer so you can kiss him. Even his kisses make you feel like youâre levitating. âIâd let you fuck me whenever.â
Minho snickers into the kiss. âDonât say that, I might take you up on that offer.â
âIâm not joking,â you say, which makes him look at you questioningly. You mean it. You want you two to have each other whenever you feel like it, like back in the day. You need Minho close. You stare at each other for a while, but Minho soon recovers.
âYouâre talking too much,â he teases, ignoring what youâve just told him. âMeans Iâm not fucking you well enough.â
With that, he starts smacking his hips into yours hard and fast, practically not moving away from you, save from his pelvis that arches back and slams into you, time and time again. Your hands move up to his face, which you hold onto while Minho fucks you. âSo good,â you mumble at him, struggling to breathe since you moan with every thrust of his. âLook soâah!âhot when you fuck me.â
âOh, youâre praising me way too much today,â he complains with a grin, shaking his head and pulling away from you as if heâs running away from your touch and compliments. Then, he places his hands on your thighs, right below where they meet your hips, and uses the leverage to pull you towards him and further onto his cock.Â
From this kneeling position, Minho can move harder and faster, which he instantly does, frowning at the pleasure he gets with each push inside of you, seemingly entranced by watching his cock disappear into you. âYouâre so fucking good for me tonight,â he hums at you under his breath. âTake me so well, hm?â
âYouâre the one doing all the work,â you point out, groaning when he enters you even deeper, back arching into him. You forgot just how many things you tried out with Minho, how no time with him feels the sameâheâs always trying something new to make you feel good. âFeel so good and deep like this...â
âGood, pretty, I want to make you feel good,â Minho hisses, continuing fucking you at the same pace, sharp and fast, in and out.
âYouâre so pretty, Minho, canât stop lookingâŠâ Youâre mesmerized by how gorgeous he looks, hair sticking to the sides of his face, sweat dripping down his neck and firm chest, nipples hardened, skin hot and wet. You want to lick him all over, so you tell him just that, and he chuckles, expression softening once again as his eyes turn into slits.Â
âYou say the wildest shit when you have a couple of drinks,â Minho teases, loosening the grip around your thighs.Â
âI mean it, though,â you admit, placing your hands over his and giving them a squeeze. âYouâre still the hottest guy Iâve ever met.â
âWhat aboutââ he starts a question, but stops himself right before he says the groomâs name, youâre sure. âI⊠Cool.â
He continues fucking you, but you can tell something is happening inside his head, his thoughts are taking him somewhere else. âYou really are, and Iâm not just saying that because youâre in me,â you explain, rubbing his arms once again. âIâm saying it because you deserve to know.â
Minho smirks, deciding to challenge you. âCream around my cock and show me how much you like me then.âÂ
It doesnât take him long to get you to do just that, not when one of his hands lets go of your thigh to move down and rub your clit lazily, three fingers applying just enough wet pressure to get you to come hard, hips chasing after Minhoâs, meeting his every thrust. âShit, so fucking tight, pretty, so tight,â he grunts at you when your walls flutter around him but doesnât stop.
âTight enough?â you manage to mutter, even though youâre on cloud nine, your entire body shivering, sweating, feeling the warmth of pleasure rush through you. âGive it to me, then.â
You should know better than to tease Lee Minho, but you clearly donât. In a second, heâs turning you to your left side and pushing your right knee up against the bed, which allows him perfect access to your dripping cunt from where heâs kneeling over your left leg. âOh, youâll get it.â
âFuck, Minho,â you moan as soon as he shoves his dick into you, the new angle has you seeing stars already. You feel so exposed like this, unable to move as his hands keep pushing your hip down into the mattress. âSo intenseâŠâ
âToo much?â he mutters through gritted teeth, intent on fucking you just as hard, even though his face is getting redder and sweatier by the second. âWant me to stop?â
âNo!â You shake your head, unable to do much else than lie there and take all of it, which you do happily. âGood intense⊠Feel you so deep in me. Wish you could come in me like this.â
âPretty, fuck, donâtââ he hisses, grunting and sighing loudly, hips still smacking into yoursâsmack after smack, accompanied by the wet sounds of his cock entering you fully. âIâllâshit!âIâll come if you keep going.â
âI want you to come,â you respond honestly, realizing you have all the time in the world to fuck Minho if he wants it too. âI know youâll be able to go again soon anyway.â
He hums and continues pistoning into you quickly, filling you up fully. Youâre always surprised at how fast and sharply he can move, how easily he can make you feel good, how he just seems to fit, in all possible ways. âSure you want me to come?â
âPositive,â you coo, stretching your leg out and moving it up so you can rest it on his left shoulder and allow Minho even better access to your heat.Â
âOh, you really want this,â he notes as he grabs hold of your leg and pushes it closer to his torso, wrapping an arm around it while the other one moves down to smack your tit. âWhatâs gotten into you?â
Minho is rightâyou werenât this needy when you last slept with him. All this time on the island has got you to think about him more, and now youâre acting like youâre desperate. Well, you are, but he doesn't have to know.Â
âYou,â you tell him sweetly, getting up on your elbows so youâre closer to him, even if your leg is separating your torsos. âAnd now I really want to feel you come.â
When you say that, Minho lets his chest fall down on you almost all the way, your leg caught between your bodies. This way, he can kiss you, which seems to be what he wants. Itâs sweaty and warm and sloppy, but you love every second of itâit sparks a fire inside of you, making you want to come over and over again, making you never want to stop feeling Minho so close to you.
âJust like that, keep going,â you urge him, grunting the words, face distorted with pleasure his cock is giving you on repeat. Thrust after thrust, he stays hard and precise, not changing his pace. âCome for me, baby, want to feel itâŠâ
Minho moans loudly and pushes your leg to the side, once again finding himself between your legs, head nuzzled up to your neck. His hands grab your ass and lift it off the bed slightly so he can hold it in place and pump himself into you. He used to do it like that tooâgrab your hips and just thrust, rut desperately into you, fall apart on top of you. You like the position just as much as you did back then, if not more now that youâre older and know how to appreciate when someone enjoys your body this much.
âYouâre gonna take it all for me, pretty, huh?â Minho mumbles under his breath, voice shaky, and you know heâs so close he can feel it already. âYou have to take it all if you want me to come that muchâŠâ
âI want to make you keep coming all fucking night,â you admit shamelessly, fingers grazing his arm and moving up to his hair so you can tug at it harshly, knowing Minho loves it. âYou sound so sweet when you moan, Minho⊠Donât want it to stop.â
Your mind goes dizzy when he moans your name over and over again, his movements getting sloppy, thrusts shallow. Thatâs when you know heâs closeâwhen he stops giving you deep, long strokes that you prefer and opt for the shallow ones that keep the head of his cock stimulated, that get him to ejaculate quickly. âKeep going, baby, canât wait to hear you come forââ
You donât even finish the sentence, and Minho is already grunting your name, his teeth sinking into the skin of your neck. His hips jerk into yours quickly, thrust after thrust, sloppy and messy as he chases his high and tries to prolong it. It feels perfectâhaving Minho panting on top of you as he tries to calm his breathing down after reaching his high.Â
He relaxes a little, letting his body rest against yours, which you use as an opportunity to wrap all your limbs around him and kiss the side of his face over and over again, despite you both being sweaty and sticky, your fingers running through his hair as he breathes. With time, his breathing gets slower, less audible, and Minho moves away, even though you donât want him to.Â
But, he gets up just to get rid of the condom. Once he does that, Minho gets back in bed with you, naked and sweaty, and you wrap your arm and leg around his body, pulling him in closer. Itâs funny how you always have a lot to say to each other, but youâre suddenly both out of words, just basking in the post-orgasm bliss.
It feels nice, just the way it used to, having his body next to yours after sex that leaves you both speechless, his fingers gently caressing your upper arm as his hand keeps you pressed into his chest. Itâs something that was so easy to get used to back then, and you donât think much has changedâyou can see yourself doing this more often, especially since it feels so right with him.
Slowly but surely, the situation changes from you two just lying there to cuddling to full-blown sex, this time a lot softer than before. Minho is now on top of you, once again wearing a condom, but this time taking his sweet time with you.
The thrusts are lazy, and he makes you feel every inch of him as he gently pushes in and pulls halfway out. Itâs slow and steady, lips kissing, tongues playing as Minho fucks you. Itâs more of a love-making type of situation, but youâd never say that out loud, not after the insanity youâve put this man through.
âPretty,â he hums, thumb running across your lips when you take a short break from kissing. Youâre once again mesmerized by the shadows that play in his eyes, reflecting the light thatâs coming into the room through the blinds, making him look even sweeter than he usually does. âAlways feel so good.â
âYou too, Minho,â youâre quick to respond with a smile as your hands move to the back of his neck, tangling in his hair. You just want to have your hands on every part of him, feel every inch of him under your fingertips, and have him close. âYouâre so good at all of this⊠Donât want you to stop.â
âAt this pace, we wonât stop,â he chuckles, referring to the fact that the sex youâre having is extremely lazy and slow, yet it brings you both a ton of pleasure. You really could go all night like this, so you tell him just that.Â
As always, Minho has something to say. âYouâre gonna be so sore tomorrow, though, if we keep going all nightâŠâ
âYouâll kiss it better,â you suggest, which makes Minho chuckle and shake his head at you.Â
Does he remember the time he practically ruined you with sex so much that it hurt to sit, so he ate you out for hours to make you feel better? Itâs something you wonât forget, not because of the pain, but because of all the pleasure he gave you and how sweetly he took care of you after. Thatâs how everything with Minho was. Even if he fucked up or hurt you somehowâwhich rarely happenedâheâd make it all better, comfort you, show you he is always there.Â
âJust call me,â Minho says before leaning in to kiss you again. His hair is wet by now, both of you sticky with sweat, and neither one of you cares. Despite that, he looks perfect, and the wet hair just makes it all even hotterâyou canât remember the last time someone fucked you so long they were completely wet after. âAlways ready to kiss it better. Maybe even fuck it better if youâre nice enough.â
The promise in his words makes you clench around him even harder, your body wanting to keep his cock in you longer. Does he mean it? Maybe Minho really wants you to call him when you get back to real life. Maybe he doesnât want you to go back to being strangers, which is one of your biggest fears at this point. âWhen am I not nice to you?âÂ
He giggles loudly, cocking his head to the side, eyes narrowed into slits as he looks at you suspiciously. âIf I didnât know better, Iâd think youâre trying to charm me, pretty.â
âAnd what if I am?â you ask the question even though youâve promised yourself you wouldnât broach this topic anytime soon, not until youâve put your thoughts in order. So much has happened, and you havenât really processed any of itâyour feelings are too strong now for you to make sense of them. Therefore, it would be best to just keep your mouth shut until you get yourself together.
But, youâre tipsy and completely overwhelmed by everything you feel for Minho. Plus, heâs fucking you well and being so sweet to you, making you feel like youâre the only person in the world that matters and all of that makes you a bit stupid for him.
Minho looks at you for a second or two before the corners of his lips turn upwards. The smile he gives you is one that makes your stomach turn with excitementâyouâve seen it so many times before. âYouâve already charmed me.â
Your heart jumps up and starts to beat erratically when you register his words, when you realize there is still something there, just like there is on your end. Since youâre at a loss for words, you pull your ex in closer and kiss him, shove your tongue inside his mouth, fingers moving down to dig into his ass cheek as he speeds up a little bit. Itâs perfect, all of it.
Maybe Chris is right. After all, all this time, you thought loving someone unconditionally meant coddling them and agreeing with them on everything, having them believe itâs you two against the world, thinking you have to have the same opinion on everything. Youâve never had that with Minho, yet heâs still in your corner.Â
Heâs here right now, supporting you in this stupid plan of yours even if it hurts him, even if he disagrees with it. Most importantly, heâs told you how he feels about the whole thing, not letting you think youâre in the right here or that what youâre doing isnât morally wrong. Isnât that what unconditional means? After all these years?
You get lost in these thoughts while Minho fucks you. Heâs not giving it to you hard, so itâs easy for you to drift into a weird headspace, one that reminds you of how good you had it with him, how stupidly it all ended, how youâve never really dated anyone after, not the way you dated himâlike you wanted it to last. That makes you feel sad, like youâve spent years of your life hurting for no reason like youâve wasted so much time you could have had with him, like youâve hurt Minho for nothing, and thatâs what stings the most. He was hurt because of you.
âIâm gonna hate myself for saying this, but itâs kind of hard to fuck you when I see your mind isnât in it,â Minho grunts, his face hovering over yours as he stops his movements while heâs balls deep in you. âIt doesnât feel right.â
âIâm⊠Iâm here, I promise,â you say, wrapping both hands around his waist, pulling him in closer. You like having his warm skin under your fingertips, his eyes wide as they inspect your face for a sign of weakness, you presume, his lips an inch away from yours.
Minho looks at you so sweetly you feel terrible instantly, your skin getting goosebumps as a wave of cold washes over you. Youâve treated him terribly, and heâs always nice to you, a lot more than you deserve. The things Jisung said replay in your mindâyou being selfish, you using him for your games, you not thinking about his feelingsâmaking you feel even worse. Even after the way youâve treated him last night, heâs still here, taking care of your needs. Any other guy as tipsy as Minho wouldnât care about you seeming out of it, they wouldnât stop to check up on you, wouldnât be this kind.Â
âWhy are you tearing up, pretty?â Minhoâs voice is laced with concern, so much that he pulls out of you but stays on top of your body. You prefer it that way because his presence comforts you. His hands move to cup your face, elbows resting on the bed. You feel surrounded by himâby the warmth of his body, the strong scent of him, his eyes peering into yours. âWhatâs wrong?â
âCan you⊠Forgive me?â You mutter the words, fighting back the sob that threatens to spill out of your mouth as your lips quiver. You canât start crying right now, not in the middle of sex. You canât do that to Minho after everything.
âForgive you?â Minho frowns, clearly confused. His fingers gently brush away the hair from your face, like youâre his precious possession and he wants to make sure youâre safe and intact. His knuckles gingerly swipe across your cheek and end up on your chin, which his fingers cup so he can tilt your head upwards and make you look at him again, even if youâre ashamed of looking him in the eyes. âFor what?â
How can you apologize for every single thing youâve done? For all the years youâve wasted? For the cruel things youâve said just to spite him? For being such an idiot even yesterday? For never admitting how you feel? âEverything.â
Minho scoffs, shaking his head before leaning in to peck you. âPretty, that doesnât really help me out. What are you sorry for?â
âNot realizing you treated me so well back then. Even now, after all these years, during this stupid tripâŠâ You let your voice trail off when your eyes meet and find him looking at you warmly. âEven now when Iâm causing a scene in the middle of sex.â
âBut these scenes bring some spice in the bedroom,â Minho jokes, trying to get you to laugh, which he accomplishes. He wipes away the tear that spills out of your eye when you laugh. âDo you want to talk about this?â
Do you? Itâs Minho, after all. If anyone will get you, itâs him. If anyone can understand, itâs him. âI donât know what to tell you. Iâm so confused.â
âTalk to me,â Minho asks of you, rolling to the side and sitting up in bed while you stay down. He pulls the sheet over your body, covering it. You have a great way of ruining things for peopleâhis dick goes soft instantly. Seoyoon would probably gloat if she saw this.
Still, thatâs not the main thing thatâs on your mind. You look up at your ex and find him looking at you with a frown, his hand moving to pat your head gently, as if heâs trying to comfort you while you look for the right words.
âIâve been thinking about, uh, us. Letâs give this another shot. Do you want that?â It takes you a lot of courage to ask that of him, face burning with shame because of how youâve treated Minho all along, because you failed to see he meant the most to you. In fact, heâs the only one that you had something real with, something that you enjoyed, something you look back on happily.Â
âThis?â he repeats after you, voice sounding cold, confused. You canât blame him, though. You didnât really bother to explain anything. The last Minho knows is that you were going to confess to Chris.
âUs.â Silence ensues. Minho looks down at you with a frown, his hand going stiff against your skin, thumb no longer caressing you. You gulp and continue, âLetâs date again.â Your heart starts beating so loudly you almost donât hear him when he responds.
âWhere is this coming from?â Minho asks you, but his tone changes from warm to cold, and you feel his body stiffening next to yours. Rejection is nearâyou feel it in your bonesâand youâre not sure how to explain your feelings well.
Thereâs just so much you feel for him, and you canât possibly say it all nowâit would take hours. âI⊠I feel like itâs the right thing to do.â
When you say that, Minho scoffs and gets up. In a matter of seconds, he has his underwear and pants on, the promise of all-night-long sex long forgotten, judging by the fact he seems determined to get the hell out of there.
âWhatâs wrong?â You sit up in bed and stare at him, taken aback by his reaction. You were expecting him to either say yes or noâMinho running away from you wasnât an option in your head, not at all. He never runs away from things. âTalk to me.â
âPretty, weâre not doing this tonight of all nights, okay?â your ex asks calmly as he looks at you from above, standing right next to the bed. âYou donât want this.â
âI⊠I know what I want,â you say with your full chest, wanting to convince him that he is what you want, but Minho shakes his head and scoffs.
âAre you sure of that? Up until today, you wanted Chris. Now you canât have him, so youâre asking me to get back together,â Minho explains, tonguing his cheek. Your ex is clearly offended by your suggestion, which is the last thing you want. Heâs got it all wrong. âI know weâre both tipsy and youâre hurt over the whole thing, but today is not the day we should have this conversation. Iâm going to my room.â
With that, he puts his shirt on, leaving it half unbuttoned, and nods at you. Minho is frowning, and youâre certain youâve ruined the night for him too, that he is no longer in the mood to have sex or go downstairs to have fun. Maybe youâve brought up old memories and hurt him even more with them, and you didnât want any of that.
âMinho, babyââ you start, wanting to tell him how you feel about him, wanting to apologize and beg him to forgive you, to give you a chance, if he still feels like it.Â
You canât promise him foreverâyou canât promise him a year if youâre being honest because who knows what the future holds?âbut you can promise that youâll try to make it work this time. You wonât give up as easily, wonât let your stupid fears get in the way of what you two could have once again. The feelings are there, and so is the attraction. You work well together. What more is there to wish for? âI meaââ
But, Minho doesnât seem to see it that way. He cuts you off, index finger pressing against your lips, shutting them close. âDonât use that with me now.â
âWhy not?â you whisper back once he moves his finger away from your face.
âYou know I like it, and you canât manipulate me into this,â Minho explains and shows you he knows you too well. Your heart stings at the realizationâhe thinks youâre manipulating him, that none of it is real. This time, he doesnât believe you. âYou canât make this whole thing about us now when itâs been about Chris all along. Youâre hurt and drunk and comfortable around me, which is why youâre doing this.â
Minho is right, you are all those things, but none of it is as it seems. Youâre hurt because of the way you treated himâit has got nothing to do with Chris. Youâre happy for him and Sunyoung, and you want Minho to be happy too, preferably with you. âItâs not just that, I swââ
âPretty,â Minho sighs, rubbing his temples as he closes his eyes and sighs, âyouâre not sure. I know you. Youâre impulsive and you seek comfort when your feelings get hurt. Youâre willing to call me baby and sweet talk me into telling you itâs all good and that weâll do this, but you know thatâs not what you really want. Maybe you feel like it now, but when you step away for a second, youâll have to do a lot of thinking. I donât want you to regret any of this when you do. So, itâs not going to work, not tonight.â
âYou, you⊠Donât want it?â You hate the way your voice falters, making you sound even weaker than you actually feel, but itâs not something you can help. You feel like youâve shown him all your cards, but it isnât enough. Is that how he felt back then when you two broke up? Is this what youâve done to him?
Minho sighs, leaning in to cup your face, his thumbs gently caressing your cheeks as he takes in the sight of you. He sits down on the bed, and you feel a tinge of hope. Maybe heâll stay with you. Thatâs all you need. âI want you, clearly⊠But not under these circumstances.â
âNot unconditionally?â You repeat the stupid word thatâs been in your mind all this time. What even is that? Does unconditional exist?
âNo,â Minho admits, making you gasp.Â
Somehow, hearing that come out of his mouth breaks this illusion you have that he cares about you. Itâs Chris and Jisung that put it into your head, that made you believe Minho might still feel the same way about you as he did back then when he loved you to bits. But, youâve ruined that.
You broke up with the guy, avoided him, only talked to him at parties, then asked him to join you here to chase another man. In the meantime, youâve slept with him every chance you got. It is a hot mess, and Minho has his life figured out. Why would he choose to do this to himself again? Besides, he told you not to make things into something theyâre not, he warned you about sex with no feelings, and you stupidly ignored the warnings and went for what you wantedâhim.
Since youâre too busy thinking about all of that to even speak, Minho goes on. âWell, what I feel for you is⊠Complicated. Not much can change it, is what I mean, but that doesnât mean Iâll let you walk all over me to get what you want. Thatâs what unconditional includes, right? And itâs not healthy. If you need that, pretty, youâre looking for a toy, not a partner.â
âI donât mean it like that, I swear,â you say pleadingly, desperately gripping onto his shirt. You understand how he sees you and what he thinks about you, but itâs not exactly true. You are impulsive and you do seek comfort, but Minho⊠Heâs the only one who can comfort you. Chris never could, which is why you didnât sleep with him after you and Minho broke upâyou couldnât. âI donât need a toy. I donât need someone whoâll just agree with me on everything. I need you and your honesty. I know itâs⊠Out of the blue for you, but Iâve been thinking about it since that night in the bar. The last thing I want is to walk all over you.â
âBy pushing this subject tonight of all nights, you are,â Minho explains, letting go of your face as your heart sinks into your stomach again. Are you treating him badly even now? Youâre insisting on discussing something he said he doesnât want to talk about. âIf you really feel that way, itâs not gonna change, right? You donât have to have me now, you donât have to rush into it with me and feel like you have everything worked out tonight.â
âI donât have to, youâre right,â you nod, feeling your eyes well up again, âbut I know I want to.â
âOkay, youâll know that in a couple of days then too.â He shrugs, knowing heâs made a good point.Â
Minho is rightâfeelings like that donât go away.Â
But, what if he gets fed up with you? What if he goes back home and talks to Jisung, and his friend talks some sense into him? What if Minho realizes youâve put him through a lot of shit to chase someone else for no reason? Youâve brought him here to chase Chris and then changed your mind. What guarantee does he have that you wouldnât do the same with him? It would sound stupid to anyone, let alone an ex who knows you through and through. If all of this dawned on him, Minho definitely wouldnât call you to hear your side of the storyâwhat for? Youâd lose him for good in that case.
âBut what if you donât?â you ask, not even sure he feels the same way now. All youâre running on is a hunch and things his friend and your ex best friend said. Itâs nothing palpable, nothing that came from the man himself. If anything, he insinuated he had friendly feelings for you and could fuck you because the sex is great. Thatâs what he saidâyou could always have sex. Minho never promised more.Â
âHeyâŠâ He sighs, reaching for your face again, holding it in place. Minhoâs eyes seem sad now, and he suddenly looks a lot more tired than he did minutes ago when he was inside of you. âListen to me. Iâm not rushing into something this serious with you on the night âthe love of your lifeâ got married. It would be very stupid of me and it can only lead me down the same path you took me back then, because of the same guy. I canât do this tonight. Take some time and figure out what you really want. Iâm not going anywhere.â
âI, I canât know that,â you tell him, feeling fear rush through you. What if you lose Minho for good? What if the next time you see him, he has someone better than you on his arm and he looks at her the way he looks at you? It stung with Chris, but nowhere near as much as the very idea of that happening with Minho stings. âWhat if another Seoyoon comes along?â
You donât want anyone else to know all the little things you know about him. You donât want other women to be let into his little world, you donât want him to trust them enough to go into the water with him, to hold them tightly when heâs scared, or to keep them close when they are. You canât stand it.
âWell, you werenât worried about that these last five or so years,â Minho quips, a hint of anger in his voice, and heâs absolutely right. âSorry. I just⊠Youâ My mindâs been fucked. I wanted to sleep with her just to get you out of my system, but I couldnât even do that. Iâ If nothingâs changed all this time, it wonât in a week or two, okay? You have to think about others for a bit.â
âIâm being selfish, right?â you ask, even though you know the answer. Jisung has told you as much.
Minho is completely right. He hasnât been in your life for years, and you havenât even thought about getting back together with him, thinking heâs moved on a long time ago, thinking youâve done the same thing. And now, you want it all with him and are so selfish youâre asking this of him like itâs an easy decision, especially after youâve put him through some embarrassing stuff during this trip. And the trip itself is an embarrassmentâfor you, for Minho, and for whatever you want to have with him. Heâs absolutely right about everything.Â
So, you apologize with your full chest, meaning it. âIâm sorry.â
âItâs fine,â he whispers at you, and you realize heâs always putting your feelings first, even if his are hurt. He must be feeling terrible after everything thatâs happened because of you, yet heâs here being gentle towards you. âNow Iâm gonna go to my room and get some sleep. You do the same, okay? No hard feelings. Youâre not a selfish person, but youâre not thinking clearly now. Sometimes, you have to put other peopleâs feelings first.â
Minho plants a gentle kiss on your forehead and stands up straight, nodding before he turns around and starts walking away. He smells like sex and himself and the shirt heâs wearing is barely buttoned, and he runs his hand through his hair in a manner that makes it look pitiful, that makes him look hurt, and thatâs the last thing you want. So, you call his name, and when he looks at you over his shoulder with a cocked-up eyebrow, you admit, âI care about you.â
Minho turns around to face you. Youâre not sure what you expectâit could go many ways, take many directions. He stays silent, face cold as he eyes you and walks over to the bed again. Minho leans in and places his palm under your chin, tilting it up, his fingers digging into your cheeks as his eyes stare right at yours, gaze ice cold. âAm I fucking joke to you?â he asks and grins in a way that makes him seem angry. âIs that it?â
âYou were never a joke toââ
Minho grips your chin tighter, which is a sign you should stop talking, so you do. You can see youâve upset him again, and itâs time to let him speak. âI just explained to you how I felt yesterday. I told you I was treated like a joke because of Chris. I came up here with you because I didnât want you to be hurt and alone. I know youâre suffering right now, I can see it on you, I know when youâre hurt. And I couldnât let you go to your room alone and cry and be all by yourself.â
He says that and gulps, eyes shifting between your eyes and lips. Is that the only reason why heâs hereâhe just wanted to comfort you? âIâve been trying to take your feelings into account every step of the fucking way, pretty, I really have. I have tiptoed around you, not wanting to say something that would hurt you. Iâve let you treat me like an idiot, sleep with me and then make me hang out with the guy you really want, leave me waiting for hours while you have fun, Iââ He pauses, face scrunching as he grimaces. âYou really donât give a fuck about what I feel, do you?â
âI do!â You know youâre not supposed to interrupt, that Minho is hurt and that youâre the reason behind it, that he feels like youâve treated him horribly, but you canât let him think you donât care about him. âI do.â
âReally?â he asks with a snicker that sounds cold, detached. âYou care, but you have no problem walking all over me like that? Iâve just asked you to drop this subject. You canât play with my feelings anymore, pretty. Iâm not your toy, but you donât want to accept that. You have to have the last word, have to tell me you care, you canât let me leave this fucking room not feeling hurt, right? Because if youâre hurt and alone, why wouldnât I be too?â
Tears are streaming down your face, have been for a while as you listen to your ex list all the things that youâve done wrong, all the different ways youâve hurt him, and you understand him. Thatâs what hurts the mostâyou get why he feels that way, and you know you wouldnât forget anyone for treating you that way.
âNow, Iâm going to go to my room. I donât want to hear an I miss you, I care about you, or Iâm sorry. If you really give a fuck about me, you wonât say any of that.â
You sob, feeling like you have no optionsâthose are the things you want to tell him, that is everything he should know. The feeling in your chest starts suffocating you and you sob again, trying hard not to cry out loud in front of him, teeth chattering as you shiver.
Minho releases the grip on your cheeks, but his palm is still holding your chin up. He takes a deep breath and his gaze follows a tear that falls out of your eye and travels down to your lip with his gaze as he sighs. âI hate seeing you cry. I came here to comfort you, but I canât stay because this conversation is making me angry and upset and sad, and I have to put my feelings first tonight. Okay?â
You nod, still crying, trying not to do it loudly. You understand why he needs to get away from youâyouâre just sad that he feels this need. You never felt like you needed to be away from him. Even when you two argue, youâd much rather have Minho around than be separated from him, thinking heâs hurt and alone.
âDonât cry. Youâre still my pretty girl.â His thumb wipes away a tear off your cheek. âGo to bed, sleep it all off before you say things you will regret. Good night.â
âMinho, I, Iââ You want to tell him not to leave, you want to beg him to stay and hug you, you want to hold him and apologize until the morning. But, heâs asked you not to say those three things, and you canât disrespect him like that. You canât be selfish, no matter how much you want to. âIâm glad you have that present. It was meant only for you, every word. Just you.â
Thatâs the closest you can get to telling him how you feel without actually saying it. Minho nods and lets go of your face, quickly making his way to the door before you can stop him and pull him back in again. Once heâs out of the room, you wrap the sheet around your body and allow yourself to cry for all that could and should have been.
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âą pairing: minho x fem!reader
âą word count: 4.2k
âą genre: smut, angst, non-idol!au, fake dating!au, exes to lovers!au, unrequited love, love triangle, exboyfriend!minho, ex!best friend chan
âą warnings: 18+, minors dni!; mature topics (failed sex attempts), angst!!
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âą reblogs and feedback are always motivating and appreciated! âĄ
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Itâs such a fucking mess, all of it. As Minho walks out of your room and towards his own, he feels terrible, even if thereâs no real reason behind these feelings. He just told you the truth, like he always does. In fact, thatâs what you like about him as a person. In some cases, the truth hurts, but youâre a big girl and you usually handle it well. Not tonight. Maybe your reaction has a lot to do with the fact that the guy you wanted and clearly still want is about to get married, that he only has eyes for Sunyoung, that he isnât ashamed to say it to anyone whoâll listen.Â
Maybe a part of you is angry because of him and Seoyoon and the whole elevator scene. After all, Minho is here to play along with your silly plan, and him fucking Sunyoungâs mom doesnât fit inâit just makes you look like a cheated-on girlfriend. Granted, that could look good with Chris if you go cry to him about it before you admit your feelings.Â
Maybe itâs all that combined with the fact that Minho told you how he really feels about all of this. He doesnât think your plan will work, doesnât really think it should workâyou and the guy couldnât be more different. Itâs never going to happen. Youâre going to learn that the hard way tomorrow, and Minho will be there for you if you need a shoulder to cry on, thatâs what heâs good at, thatâs why heâs here. So why did he sleep with you yesterday? It was stupid of him to do that when you are clearly caught up in the disappointment youâre feeling over this thing with Chris. You want the guy, he doesnât want you, and your time on this island is just proving to you that you two are not meant to be, which has to hurt. Logically, it shouldnât, but Minho knows that even if someone isnât right for you, even if they donât want you, you can feel hurt over them for a long time.
Of course youâre feeling hurt and confused. Itâs no wonder you ran back into his arms tomorrowâChris and Sunyoung were acting all lovey-dovey, you caught them sleeping together on the beach and just realized that he loves her, which is pretty obvious to anyone who looks at the couple. It hurt you so you found some comfort in the familiarity of it all with Minho. Itâs easy to fall into the same old patterns and let feelings like lust cloud your judgment, so he didnât assign any meaning to what happened yesterday, at least not on your end. You wanted comfort and he happened to be there ready to give it to you. At this point, Minho is sure heâs the only one who knows exactly what you need to hear and feel to feel better, and he can say the same about you. A random quick fuck wouldnât make him feel all these things heâs been feeling since that night at the bar, when you two danced and you looked at him like you used to, let him have you like so many times before⊠So, itâs clear why you chose him out of all the guys here.
He should have been smarter and turned you down. Minho should have said no, should have kept you company, or found something else you two could do to take your mind off of things. Instead, he gave in to his stupid urges and fucked you like he did back then, like you were the only person he ever wanted. Itâs so funny how people are different when they have sex with you. One minute, you two are talking about you and Chris and how heâs the guy for you. The next, youâre calling Minho your baby and telling him you only want to fuck him. If he werenât as immune to your charms by now, Minho would have fallen for it, would have gotten even more hurt.
Right now, heâs only hurt because you think heâs not your friend, that heâs stuck in the past and hates Chrisâwhich is kind of true, but hate is a strong wordâand that he doesnât want you to be happy. Youâre in your room, crying over everything, and you donât want him close. Your tears on his shirt are a clear reminder of that, so he palms his chest until he finds the wet spot and swears at himself for taking things too far. He shouldnât have been that straightforward, shouldnât have told you everything that you seem to believe in is a lie.
Minho is positive youâre not 100% sure of this thing. He knows you canât believe that this guy is the one for you, that heâs worth all this trouble, but Minho is also certain youâre having a hard time letting go of the idea. If you do, youâll have to accept that youâve done all of this for nothing and that youâve almost ruined a wedding or a friendship with Chris on a simple whim. Whatâs hitting you even harder, he believes, is the possibility of you ending up alone. Chris is familiar, Minho is too, and you do better with familiar than unknown. Itâs easier for you to believe that love will be born out of that than that a perfect guy will suddenly appear in your life, take his time with you, and that youâll both fall for each other completely. That doesnât happen often. It hasnât happened to either of you since you two broke up, that much is clear.
Thatâs why he believes youâre holding onto this idea and refusing to see things for what they are. But, Minho shouldnât have been that harsh on you. He could have waited to let you know how he feels about this stupid idea, he should have picked his words wisely, should have gone easy on you. No matter how annoyed and hurt and drunk he felt, he shouldnât have forgotten that you were also dealing with problems of your own. He expected you to get a bit upset and a part of him thought you had it coming. But, he never even thought you could come to the conclusion that he didnât want you to be happy.
The whole thing sounds ridiculous, but Minho really hopes you said that because you were drunk and hurt. Youâve said a lot of stupid shit to him when you got drunk and hurt over something back in the day, but you took it back the next time you two talked. So, Minho is kind of expecting you to apologize tomorrow. Heâll apologize too, for crossing boundaries and for making you think heâs not on your side. He is, no matter how stupid your plan is, no matter how hurt it is going to get you in the end.
Minho loved you for a long time, a lot longer than you probably deserved. Thatâs what Jisung told him, thatâs what his friends told him. Hell, that was even what his mom told him once he explained why you two werenât together anymore. Yet, he never really felt that was true. Who deserves to be loved? Does anyone? Itâs either everyone or no one. Everyone has skeletons in their closets, some scarier than others. Everyone fucks up and has flaws. Minho is very well aware of his: heâs stubborn, has a tendency to be too logical and not understand why people do the things they do or feel the things they feel when logically, they shouldnât. He is loyal to a fault though. But, heâs only loyal when heâs in love and when he wants to be with someone, which hasnât happened for the longest time.
When he comes back to his room, he plops down on the bed and just stares at the ceiling in complete silence and darkness, wondering how the hell things turned out so bad. This was supposed to be fun. Minho thought you wouldnât go through with the plan once you saw Chris and realized he wasnât what you wanted and that he was in love with the woman heâs about to marry. From that point on, he expected you two to have a great time, eat and drink well, and make some memories together. He was wrong.Â
Minho also thought that you two would get closer again. He wasnât even thinking about a relationshipâheâs given up on those a long time ago. He just doesnât have the time to invest in dating and making someone his priority right now, and thatâs the only type of relationship heâd want to have. Half-assed shit isnât worth a minute of his time. But, Minho was hoping that spending time together would make you realize some of the things heâs known all along, like that you two could make great friends. You know each other well. Even back then, you just clicked and understood each other.
Even when he is simply using logic and it makes him sound cruel and heartless, you understand that he is just weighing the pros and cons. If the importance of the pros outweighs that of the cons, he couldnât grasp why people would get stuck too on things and refuse to move on. But, even if you understand his personality and character, you think he doesnât have your best interest at heart, which is so far from the truth it actually gets under his skinâhe always puts you first.
When you two would run into each other at parties and talk for a while before this whole thing, Minho always made a point out of asking you how you were, and he wasnât just asking in passing. He truly wanted to know if you were happy and safe, if you needed someone to talk to. After you two broke up, he didnât want to see you for months, didnât want to hear about you, he couldnât. But, when he started going out more and he started seeing you out here and there, he walked over his pride and talked to you.Â
Minho isnât a selfish person, so seeing you, his ex, dance and talk to other guys didnât hurt him as much as he expected it to. If other people made you happier, they were the better choice. If you wanted to dance and have fun and kiss and date them, Minho didnât have a say in it. He couldnât help but notice how Chris was never around you at these parties, not that way, at least. The dude broke you two up and wanted Minho out of your life just so he could continue being your friend and number one fan. It wasnât fair, but it is all over now.Â
Slowly, but surely, he got over his feelings for you, even if it took him months longer than you. It was only then that Minho started going out with the intent of meeting someone. When he finally met someone he liked enough to have sex with, his body didnât cooperate. He blamed it on the alcohol, said he had too much to drink and couldnât get it up, but Minho knew it was his feelings. It felt strange to have someone else touch him the way only you did for the longest time. It felt new and unfamiliar, uncomfortable even, feeling someoneâs fingers on his skin, tasting them, realizing theyâre not you. They werenât necessarily worse than you in any wayâthey just werenât you. Thankfully, he got over that with time.
When he thinks about this period of his life, Minho grunts loudly, remembering Seoyoon. The thing with her is just a painful reminder of what a fuck up heâs been this entire trip. First, he slept with you and then he tried to fuck someone else when you were right there. It wouldn't have made him feel any better, anyway. Why did his body do that to him again, though? It only happened to him a time or two before, right after your break up. And here he is, years later, with a dick that still refuses to work after it gets a taste of you.
Because his mind refuses to stop thinking about his failure to perform with Seoyoon, Minho takes his phone out of his pants and dials her number. It rings twice before she picks up. âHey,â Seoyoon says in the tone she uses with him only, the tone that makes her intentions clear. âWas wondering if you were going to call.â
Minho instantly remembers how openly she came onto him, how she offered him to go up to her room and spend the night with her, how she told him he was exactly what she was looking forâyoung, handsome, charming. Her hand on his thigh, crawling up to his crotch, his lips next to his ear, talking about his dick in her⊠And yet, throughout the whole ordeal, his eyes could only focus on you and Chris and how he held you and you laughed and didnât even look at Minho. You had promised him you would be there and you werenât.
âI⊠Iâm sorry about earlier,â he starts, unsure of how else to say it. The lady offered, but he couldn't perform. She tried her best and it still couldnât happen. Itâs embarrassing, but she didnât ask to be dragged into your mess. No, his messâyou didnât drag Seoyoon into this, Minho and his stupid little hurt feelings did. âItâs not you at all, trust me.â
âI know itâs not me,â she purrs into the phone, chuckling. âWhy would it be me? Youâre clearly going through something with your girlfriend. Is she even your girlfriend anymore?â
You havenât been his girlfriend for the longest time, but she doesnât know that. Are you still even friends after tonight? âThatâs⊠Between us.â
âYeah, I get thatâŠâ Seoyoon lets her voice trail off before she hums. âBut if youâre both as miserable together as youâve been claiming to be and you tried to fuck me earlier, I donât see what youâre doing together. Be happy on your own.â
She has a point. Of course, she doesn't know that youâre both miserable even if youâre not together and that neither one of you is good with dealing with feelings for each other, no matter how friendly they are. âWeâll⊠Figure something out. I donât know now.â His head is pulsating from all the drinks and the embarrassment and the pain in his chest heâs been feeling ever since he talked to you. Thinking only makes it worse. He just wants to not think.
âI know, itâs difficult to cut ties with someone. Iâve just been through a divorce myself, which is a bit different, but feelings are involved in both cases,â she explains, and Minho remembers the conversation they had when Sunyoung was around. Her mom talked about her divorce and wanting to start fresh and Minho talked about you. Since he didnât feel like lying straight to their faces, he just talked about how it used to be. âAnyway, if youâre still interested, Iâm in room 304.â
âWhat?â His eyes snap open and stare at the ceiling again, even if the room is lightly spinning now.
She giggles again. âIf you want to come to my room and sleep with me, Iâm in 304.â
âAnd you donât care that I have a girlfriend?â Minho is not sure why this matters as much as it does, but thatâs how he feels.Â
âDo you care?â Seoyoon scoffs at his question. âYou dragged me out of that room and let me try to go down on you. I didnât hear you mention her then.â
Thatâs true. Minho didnât mention you, but you were all he could think about. Thatâs why his dick didnât work. It couldnât. There were no feelings there when Seoyoon took his flaccid cock in her mouth and tried to make it grow hard. He finds her attractive, but nothing more than that. You, on the other hand⊠Youâre attractive alright, but thereâs so much more there that he canât even explain it to himself, let alone you or Seoyoon or anyone else. Thereâs more than just sex, and once Minho got a taste of that, sex just isnât enough. âWhat I did was wrong, Seoyoon,â he says sincerely, his fingers finding the still damp spot on his chest where your tears landed and wet the fabric earlier. âI shouldnât have left with you, Iâm sorry. Me andâMe and my girlfriend go back a long way and even if weâre not doing the best right now, I shouldn't be sleeping with other people.â
Thatâs what he means, even if itâs not completely honest. You are not together, but he shouldnât have made a move on someone else the day after he slept with you, no matter how obsessed you seem to be with Chris. Whether youâd do the same with Chris or someone else is not his problemâhis actions are.Â
âWell, she knows we tried to hook up but didnât,â Seoyoon points out, sounding less amused the more she talks. Minho closes his eyes and rubs his temple, hoping the pulsating sound will stop. âShe didnât even flinch or react to that. Looked like she didnât care. Did she even fight with you over it?â
And why would you care? Youâre his fake girlfriend, nothing more. âThatâs between us,â he repeats the same thing he said earlier, but heâs not about to dive into this fake relationship with Sunyoungâs mom.Â
âFine,â she hums, âI hope she doesnât break your heart. Youâre too young to be settling down with someone who doesnât pay attention to you. Youâve been alone most of the time, taking walks, drinking by the bar⊠If you love her, make sure she loves you too.â
Minho hangs up. He doesnât want to hear this shit right now. He just called to apologize so he doesnât feel like a total idiot for doing what he did. Seoyoon is right, thoughâyou didnât bat an eye in that elevator, not even when he admitted to trying to fuck her. You two are not together, nowhere near it, but he fucked you yesterday. You spent such a good afternoon together where you laughed more than heâs seen you laugh this entire trip. Minho had more fun than he did in the last couple of monthsâhe felt like his old, carefree self again.Â
Yet, as soon as Chris came along, you started ignoring him again. And he turned to Seoyoon. Morally, it shouldnât be wrong, but it does feel that way. If Chris offered you sex, you would have jumped on that opportunity even if you were under Minho when Chris called, and he couldnât feel bad about it. Minho knew what he was getting himself into when he said yes to this.
Thatâs a whole different thing he doesnât want to think about. Why did he say yes to this? His friend called again, telling Minho how stupid he was. âI donât blame her at all, Minho, I really donât,â Jisung muttered into the phone the second Minho picked up that day. âShe fucked you over back then, but you were both young and immature. Yet, here you are, years later, putting yourself in the same situation as before. Youâre literally asking for her to hurt you all over again, and for what? You two are not even together. Youâre in a fake relationship with someone youâd like to be in a relationship with again, if the timing was right and you two cared about each other enough to make it work.â
âI donât wantââ Minho started to defend himself, explaining that he wasnât doing any of it to get you back, but he got cut off.
Jisung scoffed and continued, âMinho, donât lie to me. If you didnât care about her at all, you would have laughed at her face and said no to her plan. Or you just wouldnât go there with her. But you chose to go. I donât care how fucking well you think you can compartmentalize, nobody can do it this well. You canât be around an ex you cried over for months and just think you can stay friends and be her wingman. You canât. Get out of there before you get fucked over again.â
âIâm not going to get fucked, trust me.â He firmly believed it then, even if things were already starting to get messy.Â
Jisung must have found it weird because he asked, âYeah, youâre not?â
It was yesterday, before the pool, before everything, before the whole thing went up in flames. He should have fucking listened to his friend. Minho shouldnât have let himself give in to his urgesânot with you, not with Seoyoon.Â
His mind takes him to the party, to him sitting there all alone, watching you being a social butterfly and talk to Sunyoung like youâre not trying to fuck her future husband, talk to her like youâre friends. You are, though. You like SunyoungâMinho can tell by the way you smile when you talk to her. You canât hide many things with your face. People who know you can read your feelings off it, and Minho knows you well. You like her, which is strange considering your predicament. You should hate Sunyoung and try to avoid her, but youâre not doing that.
You like Chris tooâyou always relax and go back to being the real you when youâre around him, just like you do around Minho. Thereâs no pretense in you when you talk to the two of them, nothing is forced. Yet, Minho canât see any love there, let alone lust. He canât remember if heâs ever seen you look at Chris with that look that Minho knows too well, the one youâve given him at the pool more than once, the one you always give him when you go down on your knees for him, when he does the same for you. He canât even imagine you having sex with Chris. Your energies are different and nobody would make the first move there, like Minho has been saying all along.
Because of all these logical conclusions, what Minho doesnât get is how youâre still stuck on this idea of fucking Chris being perfect for you. Chris?! Minhoâs perception of him has changed since that night at the bar. He walked all over himself for you, for a chance of making you happy, even if it meant heâd have to stop being happy and remove himself from the equation. But that was Minho, always logical.Â
Yes, he had feelings for you even back then, even when you had only spent three months together, but if there was a chance you and Chris had deeper feelings, it would have been better for Minho to let you two be happy together. Yes, it would have hurt his feelings, but logically, it was better. It would make two out of three people happy, which made it the right thing to do.
So, he offered this opportunity to Chris and watched the guy turn down this possible future with you. He was a coward who liked an image of you he had in his head, the little innocent perfect you he kept for himself and just fantasized about. When given the chance to act on it, to call you and confess his feelings, Chris chickened out, even with all that alcohol in him. It was because him doing that would break the spell, would make your friend come to terms with the fact that you were not a sweet little innocent untouched girl he could keep all for himself, and he wasnât the sweet selfless friend who had your best interest at heart.Â
And yet, here you are thinking heâs the guy for you. You canât be that blind. Minho isnât the guy for you either, clearly, but this has got nothing to do with him. Sure, Minho loved you a lot back then, and some of those feelings are still in him. Youâll never be just another person to him, heâll never look at you and not have his heart jump up in his chest when he recognizes you, your words will always be able to hurt him more than anyone elseâs. But thatâs because you were the first and only person heâs opened up to, heâs invited into his life, heâs loved without the fear of losing. So, itâs only natural that Minho feels that way and that he still wants to see you happy. Thatâs itâhe wants you happy, even if it means you donât want to be his friend anymore, that you think heâs a terrible guy who doesnât want you to end up with the âlove of your lifeââwhich is a total joke, in his opinionâthat you doubt his intentions. So, Minho gets up, splashes some cold water on his face, and picks up his phone again. It might be immoral, but itâs something he needs to do. He needs to prove to himself that he can, that heâs not what you think he is, and that he can move on.
if you want to support my writing, you can buy me a coffee here and let me know what you think about it here. thank you! âĄ
This chapter was the ending point for me, i ended up crying
The last part got me
âYou'll never be just another person to him, he'll never look at you and not have his heart jump up in his chest when he recognizes you, your words will always be able to hurt him more than anyone else's. But that's because you were the first and only person he's opened up to, he's invited into his life, he's loved without the fear of losing. So, it's only natural that Minho feels that way and that he still wants to see you happyâ
I cant do this anymore AHHHHHHHH
My poor meow meow loved her sm to the point he got traumatized and now he doesnât even recognize heâs still in love with her TT
Also ngl the whole thing with main lead and Channie left me amazed, how they both idealized each other to the point of being fake and all
You and Minho decide to talk it out, but you're both drunk and saying things you shouldn't.
âą pairing: minho x fem!reader
âą word count: 9.8k
âą genre: smut, angst, non-idol!au, fake dating!au, exes to lovers!au, unrequited love, love triangle, exboyfriend!minho, ex!best friend chan
âą warnings: excessive drinking, swearing, arguing; overthinking!!; this chapter is just one long fight during which they say a lot of stupid things to each other (emotional rollercoaster)
⹠masterlist ⥠series masterpost ⥠updates ⥠read on AO3
âą reblogs and feedback are always motivating and appreciated! âĄ
⹠previous chapter ⥠next chapter
if you want to support my writing, you can buy me a coffee here and let me know what you think about it here. thank you! âĄ
Once you two walk into your hotel room, the mood changes, but Minhoâs still pouting as he watches you take off your shoes, walk over to the bed, and sit on it. Youâre not sure what to tell him, but youâre glad heâs here at least. He could be out there with Seoyoon, taking out his frustrations with you on her in the best way imaginable. Somehow, the thought irks you.
âYou know, you two have a lot in common,â your ex points out with a snicker, leaning against the wall that connects the hallway with your room. His voice is laced with annoyance, and you completely understand him at this point. âCanât keep a promise to save your life.âÂ
âIâm sorry about not paying more attention to you down there,â you apologize again, meaning it. Minho has every right to be upset with youâyou begged him to come with you, promising youâd stay with him just to get lost in the crowd and leave him on his own. He didnât want to be there, but he came for you, and you let him down. âIâm stupid and tipsy. I should have checked in on you every couple of songs.â
Itâs not that good of an excuse, nothing is, but itâs the truth. You wanted some time alone to think and time got away from you.
âYou should have, but you canât be worrying about promises when youâre dancing with Chris!â Minho mutters, loosening his tie enough to pull it off over his head. Then, he throws it on a chair next to your bed and huffs. âPromises donât mean shit to you anyway. Never have.â
You know heâs drunk and there is no point in arguing, but you canât help it when heâs attacking your personality. It hurts even more after yesterday, after the pool, after having his hands on you again. âYouâre being too harsh. What other promise have I broken?â
Minho doesnât respond. Instead, he stops leaning against the wall and walks over to where youâre sitting, standing right above you. It all feels so intimate, even more so because itâs not sexual at all. Yet, heâs standing right above you, looking down at you with a glare that shows you exactly how he feels about you. âWeâre leaving in two days,â he informs you, making himself seem drunker than you thought he was.Â
Whatâs that got to do with your conversation? âI know, Minho.â
He scoffs at you, eyes focusing on yours. âOkay. When am I getting my reward, then? Yesterday wasnât my reward.â
The reward! Hearing him say the word reminds you of why heâs really here and what this is all about. Youâve been dumb, letting yourself think about Minho a bit too much, trying to bring an old thing back to life just because heâs said some nice words and treated you well when you were around each other.Â
Heâs just here because heâs getting laidâend of. Youâre an idiot for trying to assign meaning to something that just isnât there, for making this whole thing out to be something it is clearly not. Minho is still just a guy and is thinking with his dick. Didnât he just try to fuck Seoyoon? If his dick worked earlier, he would be in her right now and not here with you.
âOh. Do you want it now?â you bluff, knowing heâs not going to say yes. Heâs too drunk for that, and so are you, and thatâs not how Minho has sex. The last time you had it, you were both tipsy but could still think straight. The way he scoffs at you annoys you, makes you think heâs mocking you all over again. Heâs here just for sex, once again. âYou just said you couldnât get it up for Seoyoon, soâŠâ
âClassy. No, I donât want to fuck you,â he spits the words out and turns you down without even giving it a second thought. âIâm just checking how committed you are to this insanity.â
The way Minho stresses the word rubs you the wrong way. Where is this coming from now, a day before the wedding? Youâre probably just annoyed because heâs judging you, but itâs hard to think straight with that much alcohol in your system, with all the bottled-up frustration and disappointment with yourself. Besides, hearing him say he doesnât want to sleep with you again does hurt.
âNeed I remind you that you said yes to this?â you snap back, standing up so you two are face to face. The moment becomes a lot more intimate since your chests are touching, but thereâs nothing sexual about it. Well, maybe a little bit, but only because you know how good make-up sex is with Minho.
âYes, for the free trip and booze.â As always, Minho has a response up his sleeve. âThe more I realize you're going through with it, the more I regret saying yes.â
âWhatâs there for you to regret?â you canât help but ask, wondering why heâs suddenly feeling this way about the whole thing when he seemed amused earlier. In fact, heâs the one who seems to be giving you chances to be alone with Chris.
Minho gulps, gaze flying down before he looks at you again, the cockiness wiped away from his face. âI was supposed to be a pretend boyfriend and not someone you hate.â
âWhat?â you breathe the word out, hearing your own voice quiver. He thinks that, after everything? âI donât hate you, Minho. I could never.âÂ
Minho practically rolls his eyes at you. âYouâre telling everyone youâre not happy and want to break up with me. You didnât even talk to me the entire night. Everyone thinks you hate me. News travels fast, pretty.â
The whole thing is kind of ridiculous, so you have to chuckle, which makes him wince. âWeâre not together!â you mutter at your ex, still confused about the whole thing. He agreed on this whole thing with you, he said yes to it. âWhy do you care if I say that to people?â
âI donât!â Minho could never hide his feelings well, and annoyance is once again written all over his face.Â
âThen whatâs this all about?âÂ
Are you really going to discuss this now? You might as well now that you have asked that question. Your mind is all over the place this week. You came here to try to see if Chris and you would work, not to reminisce about your past with Minho.
He sighs as if heâs tired of everything, and his facial expressions mirror that. âMaybe I do care. You know I like people to like me, and all these folks think Iâm the worst boyfriend out there,â Minho says with a look that makes you feel sorry for him.Â
âMaybe if you stopped bickering with me in public, they wouldnât,â you suggest, even though you feel bad for everything. Thereâs something about him that always makes you want to contradict him, get him angry, and you hate that about yourself. âAlso, try not fucking the mother of the bride the night before the wedding.â
He leans in, mouth an inch away from yours. âYeah, because then youâd act like youâre all in love with me. Your plan sucks,â he spits the words at you, eyes peering into yours as his narrow into slits. Oh, Minho is pissed. âYou didnât make him jealous. You came here with a guy you clearly hate and have been telling everyone youâre not happy. Why would Chris jump at that opportunity?â
Minhoâs words shouldnât hurt, but they do. Heâs drunk and disappointed with you, so you should just ask him to leave and continue this conversation tomorrow. That would be the wise thing to do, the thing that would stop you both from saying things you donât mean, from hurting the other.
But, youâre childish and stupid and you think you deserve to get hurt, so you play along, muttering a mean âFuck youâ before moving to the hallway, unable to stand being so close to him. Minho always looks at you in a way that makes it impossible for you to get mad at him, so you canât stand so close to him and look right at his face when he has that kind of power over you.
As if he senses youâre avoiding looking at him, Minho follows you, his body suddenly right in front of yours while your back is turned to the wall. You have no choice but to look at him, and your ex doesnât seem happy with what youâve just told him.
âFuck me? Oh, wow. You really canât stand it when people tell you the truth. You want someone like Chris who will keep indulging you. Thatâs what he always did, right?â Minho pauses to scoff at you, reminding you of just how ridiculous he finds you. âEven back then, he could never stand up to you or disagree with you, and you were the same. You built your whole attraction to each other based on these personalities you both completely fucking faked, and Chris knows that. Years later, you still donât.â
âAnd how would you know?â you grunt, feeling the urge to push him away from you or kiss him just to get him to stop saying all these things you donât want to hear. Not tonight, not when you feel like your entire life is a mess. âNone of this is true, and Chris doesn't think like you. Don't act like you know him. You were a part of my life for only a while, and he didnât like you. I didnât either.â
Minho snickers, a look of spite igniting in his eyes. His hands slam the wall right above your shoulders, trapping you. âSo youâre saying you lied to me for more than a year?â His voice gives off how annoyed youâve made him, but youâre not afraid of himâyou never have been. Minho would never hurt you or even raise his voice at you, never has. Still, his words make you shudder for a completely different reason. âYou filled a box with 365 reasons you love me for my birthday so I have one for every day of the year for what exactly then? Thinking of Chris while writing them, huh?â
You did do that and you meant every single one of those reasons. It took you a long time to write it all down, but you never once lost inspirationâyou just had to step away to give your wrist a break from all the writing. That gesture alone was proof enough of your true feelings for Minho. Therefore, saying you didnât like him was mean of you. You did love him, in your own way, in a way that made you fear the future, fear losing him. âI⊠No,â you admit, swallowing your pride for once. âIâm sorry, Iâm just angry. I did mean those things.â
Minhoâs expression softens and he moves his hands away from the wall. âI know you did. One of them was âI love that you know all my secrets and still love me despite themâ, and I know that oneâs about Chris. You told me everything. So, I know more than you remember.â
You ignore the whole Chris thingâit doesnât matter anymore, anywayâand go for something you really want to know, something that surprises you, as many things about him during this trip. âYou still remember them?â
âI have them,â Minho admits without skipping a beat, his face stone cold. For some reason, your heart sinks a bit at this admission because itâs been years since you two have been romantic with each other, but youâve meant every single one of the things you wrote to him.Â
You feel breathless all of a sudden, like somethingâs knocked the breath out of you, like somethingâs making it impossible for you to speak. With a gulp, you lower your voice, and ask, âWhy do you have them?âÂ
Youâre sure youâre annoying him with all the questions, especially since heâs drunk and upset and youâve just been very mean to him, but Minho still indulges you, as always. âSadly, itâs still the most thoughtful gift someoneâs given me. It made me think you actually loved me.âÂ
When he says that, you feel traitor tears pricking your eyes out of the blue. Thereâs nothing sad about what your ex said, except that it could mean he now thinks you didnât. But, you canât confess your love for him retroactively, even if he deserves to know how much heâs changed you. You canât talk about it now when youâre so confused about it all. So, you don't tell Minho about your realizations about you, him, your relationship, Chris and Sunyoung, or any of it. You're too fucked up to think about it now, alcohol clouding your judgment.
Instead, you fall back into the old habit of contradicting him, not letting him win, saying just about anything to prove that Minho doesn't know you better than you know yourself, which has always scared you.
He knew you too well even back then, always a step ahead, always sensing what you needed, always willing to be kind and supportive even when you didn't deserve it. Coincidentally, Minho also used to love you more than you loved yourself and has shown more understanding to you than you have ever granted yourself. But, thatâs in the past, and you canât go down that road again.
âAnyway, youâre not right about Chris agreeing with you on this one,â you say, sighing at the end of it, hoping youâve avoided the whole topic of love. Youâre not ready for it yet.
Minho doesnât look mad about it at all. Instead, he smirks. âPretty, why do you think Chris hates me?â
âHe⊠Actually, he told me he used to dislike you because he thought the two of us were perfect together,â you tell him, getting close to the subject youâve been trying to avoid.
âYes, and thatâs what he told me too.â
âWhen did you guys talk?â Youâre not sure if Minho means way back then or sometime during the trip.
âDo you seriously think Iâd not talk with the guy you admitted to being in love with and who was clearly into you? You thought Iâd just stand idly by and be in a relationship with you to keep you from being with him? Iâm not that much of an asshole.â Minho scoffs. âPlus, youâve told me you know about it.â
âOh, so then,â you say as relief washes over you. âDid you tell him I liked him?â
Chris didnât mention that, but maybe he was being a gentleman and trying to save you from embarrassment.
Minho laughs at the idea, shaking his head as his eyes glare at you, big and pretty. âPlease, give me some credit. No, I didnât. I told him I think heâs into you and that I want to know why heâs not making a move. And I told him what I told you earlier, that youâre both fake around each other, pretend to like the stuff the other likes, havenât had a fucking fight during your entire friendship, and seemed to be idealizing the other person. He could do no wrong in your eyes, you couldnât in his. Even when you were clearly in the wrong, heâd take your side. Our thing may not have been the healthiest, okay, but I didnât make you believe youâre right about every single thing. I didnât say yes just to make you feel better. Thatâs lying to each other. Itâs fake.â
âStop it,â you ask of Minho as you look to the side, unable to face him. He gazes at you in a way that irks you for some reason, that makes you want to fight with him, keep talking until you shut him up. Sometimes, you just donât want Minho to be right. And you donât want to hear how good you two had it, how you two worked well togetherâit hurts. âYou canât say things like these and expect me not to get angry.â
âGet angry all you want, pretty.â Minho grins like itâs all a joke. âDifferences in opinions are healthy and normal. Whatâs not normal would be me agreeing with your plan and telling you it's a good idea even though I think itâs not. Now that Iâm here and I saw the two of them and the two of you, I am telling you, you will get hurt,â he warns you, breathing out loudly, his breath fanning your face. âYouâre chasing a guy who doesnât really exist. The perfect Chris who is always soft and quiet and at your beck and call doesn't exist. He didnât, even back then. Had you dated him, you would have found out.â
Is that true for him too? Is Minho telling you the guy you think he is doesnât exist? He said it yesterday in a few words, told you youâre getting carried away. Is that something you do? If Minho is right, it is, and itâs led you to some pretty stupid decisions.Â
âYouâre wrong. I know Chris. Me not dating him doesnât mean I donât know what heâs like.â Youâre saying things to spite him, not thinking straight, not taking the time to think about what he is telling you. If Minho is right about everything, youâve messed your entire life up.Â
Besides, youâre upset because it seems like everything is slipping out of your hands. The thing with Chris was never meant to be. If the thing with Minho was, it clearly no longer means anything to him because heâs out there trying to fuck the first person who offers right under your nose, the day after you two fucked, the day after he told you not to get your hopes up. Youâre hurt, thatâs all there is to it.
âI was perfect before I wasnât, right?â Minho continues barking the words at you, his eyes turning into slits as he glares at you. âYou loved me. As soon as we started disagreeing on things, you started romanticizing him again and hating me. Do you think Chris and you wouldnât disagree on anything if you were in a relationship? Things donât work that way, and if you donât know it at this age, I donât know what to tell you.â
âGet off your high horse, okay?â You sound angry now because he struck a chord. It annoys you that Minho has more experience than you, that he sees things you donât, that he can read situations better than you and tell you the truth even though it hurts. Besides, his theory of you not loving him anymore because of a fight is stupidâit may have been true in the past, but youâre still standing here fighting with him now, and you still feel the same way. âI am not idealizing the man. I just clicked more with him than I ever have with anyone else, and I didn't want him to marry someone else without knowing thereâs a chance.â
âA chance for what? Dating?â Minho shakes his head, letting his hands fall to his sides. âYou told him you liked him years ago, right? And he never made a move. He could have been dating you all this time. He could have called, texted, confessed. He didnât do it for a reason, and the reason is he found someone whoâs right for him. If you stopped being afraid of being single and letting go, youâd see that. This thing with Chris is fucking fantasy land at this point.â
Your eyes well up with tears as you listen to Minho tearing down your house of cards. Other people would have just blown some air and watched it crash, they would have gently pointed out that youâre failing to see some things. Not Minho, though. He stomped all over it, scoffing while doing it. He also figured out something you didnât want to admit to yourselfâyouâve been single for so long, yet you fear it.Â
You donât want to go your entire life without feeling the things youâve feltâand to some extent still feelâfor Minho. What a sad life that would be, no matter how many fun things you do, how much fun you manage to have with other people. You want to feel.Â
At this point, youâre not sure if you want to be with Chris at all. Youâve come to the realization when you two talked the other day, and the earlier conversation just solidified your opinion. But, Minho doesnât know that. Thatâs the one thing about you he hasnât figured out just yetâyour leverage.Â
So, you spit the words at him, âMinho, no offense, but you donât know us as well as you think you do. If youâre trying to imply that Chris wasnât interested enough, thanks, but heâs told me he cared about me for years. You donât know anything about that. You canât know if she is the one for him.â
âAnd you know? You always sound like you fell out of an angsty novel. You want to be in love with this guy because you canât have him.â
âPlease, what do you know about novels or feelings?â you mumble the words at him with a huff. A part of you knows you are only holding onto this specific part of his argument because you donât want to acknowledge the other. It is petty and wrong, but Minhoâs words upset you.
Your ex nods as if heâs admitting defeat, but the glimmer in his eyes tells you heâs far from it. âI read all the ones you recommended. And all of them were about some unrequited love and other bullshit people feed themselves to make it through. Isnât that right? You want what you canât have, and you change what you want all the time. When one thing doesnât work, youâre onto the next one, just trying to hold onto something from the past.â
Is that what he thinks youâre doing here? Maybe you are, but not with Chris. All the things Minho is saying hurt because it feels like heâs talking about you two, too, about everything thatâs happened with you. Youâre romanticizing him, or thatâs how heâs making it seem. Maybe thatâs not his point at all, but thatâs how it comes off to youâpersonal, intimate, hurtful. It sounds like Minho thinks youâve only slept with him because you donât want to let go of the past and be single, like heâs telling you youâre jumping from Chris to him because you donât want to be alone.
âIâŠâ Once again, itâs just proof of this guy knowing you well, even though itâs been years since youâve been close, not counting this hellish trip. These things hurt you, they make you feel sad. How did you manage to let him go if he always knew you this well? Why didnât you notice this? Why did you not make a move any of those times you two ran into each other at parties? Why did you always think itâs a done deal because youâve disappointed him back then?
âYou love the idea of being with Chris more than you actually like him as a person,â Minho concludes. âYou wouldnât fuck me otherwise.â
You bite into your lip to stop yourself from being rude. Itâs a way to defend yourself, a defense mechanism, a way to stop him from hurting you with his words further. Heâs right about this tooâyou wouldnât fuck Minho if you really believed you should be with Chris, or if you loved him romantically. For this same reason, you canât really imagine sleeping with anyone else. âYou donât know that.â
Minho gives you a look that tells you youâre being a fool. âThe dudeâs a dog person. He has three dogs and wants to have three kids and is going to start working on that after the wedding. You? Cat person, you like dogs but donât want to have them, ever. Youâre iffy on kids if that hasnât miraculously changed.â
âMaybe I wouldn't, not with him.â Your argument is weak, and you know it. Youâd absolutely hate grand gestures.Â
You hate being the center of attention, and being put on the spot with something cheesy would just make you want to scream. Your idea of romance is someone showing you they care in subtler ways, like going along with an idea even if itâs ridiculous, hugging you when you cry, making you laugh when you need it⊠Like Minho has been doing.
âHm... You wouldnât hate it if he joined the band on stage to sing you a love song?â Minho leans in with a cocked-up eyebrow, alluding to the show Chris had put on for Sunyoung earlier, right after dancing with you. You left to get some fresh air at that point, too busy worrying about everything heâs told you about Minho to cringe at the fact that he was singing for her. Thatâs when you lost track of time and stayed out alone with your thoughts.
Minho continues, âPlease. Youâd run out of that place with your cheeks burning, youâd be that embarrassed. And his proposal? Paying the theater to air his proposal video before the movie? Getting down on one knee in front of a full theater? You would have died right then and there and not because of love, but because of embarrassment. All these grand gestures of his are something youâd dislike. And heâd have to give them up for you or youâd have to do them for him.â
âAnd thatâs called compromise.â Youâre not even sure what youâre fighting for here, but youâre not giving up. What does Minho want you to tell him, that heâs right? That you do all of these things? Youâd be admitting to changing your mind because you donât want to be single, and thatâs not what youâre doing.
âOn every single thing? Youâre gonna compromise on stuff like religion, where your kidâs going to go to school, what youâll teach the kid that you, by the way, donât even want? Face it, you donât work well with him,â Minho says in a tone that suddenly softens. âThe two of us work better than that.â
Your heart leaps at his use of present tense, making you wonder what if. Youâve been thinking about too many what-ifs lately, and none of them have been right for you. âWe may have, okay, but we⊠You said Iâmâ Jumping to conclusions,â you say, voice quivering at the memory of you asking your ex about you two and him turning you down easily. âItâs been years since then. Maybe weâd work even worse now.â
âFair enough,â Minho agrees with a nod. âItâs also been years since youâve last spoken to Chris, too, so remember that before you try to turn his life around and ruin his wedding.â
âAnd what if it would make his life better?â you counter, wanting to wipe the smug smirk off his face. What if Minhoâs life would be better if you two tried to make things work, even if youâve fucked them up before? Maybe you could bring something good to his life this time around.
âThis is a wedding, pretty.â With that, Minho cups your face with both hands, making your breath hitch in your throat. You donât care about the wedding and Chris getting married to someone elseâall you are thinking about is your ex and his hands on you, his breath on your face. It would be easy to kiss him, so easy. But, heâs drunk and angry, and you donât want to take advantage of it. âA wedding. You know Chris. Heâs not the type of guy whoâd come this far if he werenât sure. Do you think heâd be marrying this woman if he doubted she was the one, that you were? I know him superficially, but if heâs anything like the guy you told me about, heâd never do that.â
Heâs got a point, but you know Chris is not what you want or need, so you completely change the topic, hoping Minho is too drunk to remember any of this tomorrow. He looks like it. âIâm sorry, Minho, all of this sounds a lot like youâre still blaming Chris for us failing and me for having feelings for him back then when thatâs not what really happened. If youâre trying to hurt me, youâre doing a good job, but I can see right through it.â
âWhy would I be trying to hurt you? I just donât want you to fuck this friendship up for good. If you make a move on him, do you think heâll let you stay at the wedding? Do you think youâll be friends after?â He pauses, and the silence just makes you feel even worse. Heâs rightâyou didnât really think of this option back when you were thinking about going through with this mess. âYouâll have to kiss this friendship goodbye unless a miracle happens and Chris magically realizes that the past three years of his life with this woman have been a lie and heâs wanted you all along, the girl who showed up here with a boyfriend who she claims to love but also treats like absolute shit while throwing herself at the groom every chance she gets. Do you think Chris will fall for that? Itâs immoral.â
And thatâs how he really feels about youâan immoral person. A girl he used to love who broke his heart and used him, in his opinion. So, Minho uses any chance he can to fuck you because thatâs the only thing he enjoys with you. That, and making you feel like an inexperienced idiot who canât see things for what they are. Well, he doesnât even want his reward anymore, so thereâs that.
âMaybe you do feel that way, but Chris doesnât. You two are nothing alike, and you donât know him. What you know are the things I told you, which were literally all the best. Besides, if this is so immoral, why are you here?â You love spiting him, and seeing Minho wince at your words makes you feel like youâve won this stupid little drunk fight.Â
But, he quickly recovers with a snicker. âYou know what? I want you to ruin Chrisâs wedding and your friendship. Isnât that what he did to us?â
âHe has neââ you try to counter, to tell him heâs wrong, to defend Chris, but Minho cuts you off with a loud grunt that makes you shut up.
âOh, stop! Donât even try to make him seem like the good guy. Every fight you and I had led to you running to your best friend who was supposed to comfort you but instead always tried to turn you against me. Every. Fucking. Time,â Minho stresses every word, anger heard in every single one. He clearly hid his feelings well back then. You knew he disliked Chris, but right now, it seems like Minho despised your friend. âEven when I was right and when you were the one who started it, good old Christopher found a way to make you think weâre not good for each other and that Iâm terrible. It worked in the end, right?â
âHe isnât that type of guy. We were just⊠We had feelings for each other, but we couldnât confess.â Youâre not even sure why youâre even defending the idea anymore. Maybe youâre just too proud to tell Minho he was right and that you donât want Chris, that this whole thing is stupid, and that you should have listened to him that night at the bar.
But, if you had done that, you wouldnât have slept with him, wouldnât have come to the island with Minho, wouldnât have had fun with him or slept with him one more time⊠You also wouldnât be taking each word of his to heart and feeling absolutely terrible right about now. You wouldnât be aware of what youâd lost back then.
âWell, confess now,â he challenges you, and it makes you realize he doesnât really care about you the way you thought he does. Your breakthrough about you and Minho was just smoke on his end, a little fun when heâs drunk and in the mood to fuck, an easy thing. This is how he really feels about you, and heâs not afraid to show it. âI really want you to.â
âYouâre saying that, but I know you donât. It seems like youâd want nothing more than Chris to marry her, and me to be single and miserable and wonder what if because it seems like thatâs all youâve been doing.â
It is a low blow, and you know it, but he has hit your weak spot and pushed you over the edge. If anyone knows how to push all the right buttons to get you angry, it is Lee Minho.
âOh, you want to go there?â Minho leans in and snarls at you, nostrils widening as he huffs out. âWell, youâre fucking wrong. I really want you to confess and I want Chris to call the wedding off and ride off into the sunset with you. And you know what? Youâd be happy for a while until youâd realize what Iâve known all alongâthat you two donât love each other romantically. All these feelings of yours? You care about each other as friends and you were attracted to each other, but thatâs it.â
âYou donât know that, Minho,â you spit the words at him. Do you not know yourself at all? Why does every angry word of his cut through your chest? It feels like what he is saying can be applied to you two, and in that case, itâs just not true. Why do you care so much about Minhoâs opinion of you? Why are you just now realizing heâs right about absolutely everything? Hasnât he always been? Thatâs what scared you off in the first place.Â
But heâs not right about this, not about the two of you. About Chris, yes. But Minho? You loved the guy desperately, and the feelings are still there. Otherwise, you wouldnât be on the verge of tears just because of a stupid little drunk fight that doesnât mean a thing. You wouldnât be hurt because he tried sleeping with someone else, you wouldnât be upset over him telling you he doesnât want to be with you.Â
âI do. The guy was obsessed with you back then, infatuated with you. He always stared at you, had his eyes on you. Thatâs not love,â he concludes, his hand suddenly holding yours. You both seem angry with each other, but thereâs nothing angry about the way he holds you, hand warm against yours. Thereâs nothing angry about the way you let him touch you instead of pulling your hand away.Â
âMaybe⊠Maybe you donât know me that well.â You want Minho to admit that he doesnât know you and that he doesnât give a fuck about youâthat is what this whole thing is. You want Minho to cut you off too. Youâd like nothing more than for him to tell you to fuck off, to tell you he hates you, just so you can realize that your theory on you two is as false as the one on you and Chris. You want him to show you that youâre wrong and that you havenât fucked up the best thing youâve ever had.
âI do know you well. Every conversation weâve had this week proved that, and youâve said it yourself. Besides, remember the guy before me? Remember whatâs-his-name? Werenât they two amazing guys? They both treated you right and were really romantic, you never argued with them. And what happened? You blew them off.â He pauses for a second, giving you a sympathetic smile. Minho knows everything about you, no matter how much you try to hide it, and thatâs what hurts you. Have you really been this blind for that many years? Why did you fuck it up?
âIâŠâ Youâre at a loss for words, so you stutter and look around, overwhelmed with feelings. How did you get here? You feel cornered, and not physically, even if you are. You donât mind being trapped between his body and the wall. Mentally, you really have nowhere to go other than facing everything youâve done wrong, which is a lot.
âFace it, you need to be challenged. You canât stand men who just agree with you, men who let you be in control, men who let you do whatever you want and just nod their pretty little heads because they donât want to upset you. And thatâs fucking Chris for you. I donât know how you still donât get it.â
You do get bored of fake happiness easily. It isnât exactly fake, but it lacks excitement. The second things settle in and you feel loved and calm, you get the urge to run away and never look back. Love scares you. Feeling like your life is going to be one flat line until the moment you die is a fear of yours, and the second you feel it with someone, you run away. Minho is right about that, and you told him about this yourself when you dated, warning him about the possibility of you running away if things get serious.
Still, that didnât happen with Minho. Even when you two were officially a thing and everyone knew about it, the commitment didnât make you want to break things off. It was always exciting, which is why it lasted as long as it did until you one day decided that maybe Minho wasnât what you needed after all because he was too good for you, too real, too scary with his understanding of feelings. He was handsome, treated you well, but the bickering always made you feel like youâd forever argue, like heâd always know better. You didnât want to see yourself with him in ten years, arguing over every single thing. Yes, he was perfect otherwise, but would it have been worth it?
But then again, you canât see yourself with someone whoâll just agree with everything you say and never challenge you, either. Are you really that much of a lost cause? You donât want one or the other, and you doubt there is some middle ground when it comes to this.
You need both the commitment and excitement, and thereâs only one guy youâve ever had that with. Right now, heâs glaring at you like youâre the worst person alive, and youâve told him terrible things after admitting you had feelings for him yesterday, and itâs all a big mess youâve created.Â
âYeah, maybe I donât get it,â you say with a sigh. âMaybe Iâm an idiot who holds on to feelings and wants to be happy. So fucking what? Youâre giving me this lecture, but didnât you fuck me twice? Didnât you just try to fuck Sunyoungâs mom? Maybe you need to think about how your actions are affecting others, too.â
âDonât even go there,â Minho hisses the words at you, nostrils flaring again as he shakes his head and takes a step back, clearly upset. âYou,â he points a finger at you but quickly moves his hand away, âyouâ Donât.â
âWhy? Canât we talk about everything?â You sound pissed off, but youâre not. Well, maybe you are, but mostly, youâre hurt and you donât want to be blamed for everything that went wrong. âOr is you fucking up off limits?â
âNothing is off limits,â Minho says with a shake of his head. âI didnât fuck her. She had my dick in her mouth and it couldnât get hard because all I kept thinking about is how itâs wrong and I shouldnât be doing it because Iâm in this fake relationship with you and it could mess up your plan and we were just together yesterday and things felt good and I thouââ He stops himself and shakes his head, seeming completely defeated.Â
âI shouldnât have slept with you.â When Minho says that, you can swear his eyes water, which is why he looks to the side and swallows loudly. âThatâs on me. But I donât think Iâve done anything wrong.â
The scene with Seoyoon must have been dreadful, but you donât even want to go there. He had every right to do whatever he wanted with her, even if he couldnât because of you. Youâre not taking it as a complimentâMinho felt bad about it not because he has feelings for you, but because of the stupid plan you donât even care about. Doesnât he see that? How come, if he knows you so well?Â
So, you challenge your ex again, wanting to hear him say that you donât mean a thing to him anymore. âPointing out your flaws is wrong but doing the same with mine is a fun activity? Combine that and sex, and itâs all you care about.â
Minho scoffs and kicks his head back, exhaling loudly. âSex? Really? What did I do that was so wrong?â
You gulp. He has every right to fuck whoever he wants, especially someone who is single and clearly into him, like Seoyoon. He didnât do anything wrong or immoralâthat was all you. You canât tell him you mind it, you canât make him feel bad for trying to move on with his life. It would be unfair and selfish, and you can almost hear Han Jisung screaming your ear off about it, so you go with a quick, âNothing.â
âExactly,â Minho snickers like youâre being ridiculous, âI did nothing. I fucked you because you asked for it and because I wanted to do it. I love fucking you. Werenât you saying the same thing or do you just mean it when Iâm balls deep in you?â
You feel like an idiot when he puts it like that because both of you were in on it, and you were the one who initiated yesterday, who practically threw yourself at your ex and told him you wanted him. You have no business blaming him for sleeping with you. The only reason youâve said that is the fact you donât want to lose him, and sleeping with Minho has made you think you wonât, which is all just a big lie. Youâve never had him in the first place.
You want to say something, but your voice quickly dies down in your throat, âIââ You feel your eyes welling up with tears, feel their sting and weight there, seconds away from breaking down and letting it take over you.
âIâm sorry for saying it like that,â he whispers, taking a step towards you again, probably because he sees youâre about to start crying. âBut youâre the one who walked out on me both times after sex without a word, who reminded me of your plan right after just so I know where I stand.â
âMinho, itâsââ You start confessing to him, confessing the things you told yourself you wouldnât, not until you are sure, not until you know he wants to hear it. But, as if he senses that, Minho stops you.Â
âDonât. After we fuck, I donât want to talk about the guy youâre trying to be with. I donât want to go on a fucking walk with you two and be the third wheel after an afternoon like that.â His voice trembles and his lips purse into a straight line, a long sigh leaving him.
You did ask him to come out with you and Chris, but only because Chris asked you first, and you wanted Minho there. âSo, no, you canât fucking blame me for sleeping with you. I can separate sex from feelings and can fuck you without wanting more. We both wanted it, and youâre the one who acted selfishly. You want to love Chris and fuck me, and thatâs fine, I can separate the two. Maybe I was selfish too, but Iâ I fucking hated his meddling back then and I donât think youâd be happy with him. That doesn't come from a selfish place.â
Itâs all pretty hard to hear, but the worst part for you personally is the part about Minho fucking you without feeling anything for you. You replay all the times he used that nickname with you, how softly heâs kissed you, how closely he held you, and you feel disgusted. Did Minho really do all of that without feeling a single thing? He called you his over and over again yesterday, talked about how he wanted to fuck you all the time, wanted to feel you⊠Suddenly, you realize all of that is sexual. He can say those things to anyone he sleeps withâwhy wouldnât he? Minho never said a thing about real feelings to you. Not once did he say he cared about you that way, as more than a friend, not once did he promise you more than sex, not once has he even alluded to wanting to be with youâyou made the whole thing up.
The realization makes you feel worse than earlier, and it has nothing to do with Chris. Itâs about you and this idea of yours that Minho is someone you should keep in your life, someone you still have feelings for, someone who still excites you after all this time. The perfect combination, the person worth the effort, the person who makes it all seem so easy and carefree. But, the guy standing in front of you telling you that youâre just sex to him after all of that canât be worth anything.
âI canât take you seriously, sorry,â you tell him with a sigh, closing your eyes for a second. If Minho wants honesty from you, heâll get it. He can only blame himself if some anger gets in there, too. âI could if you didnât speak with so much hate for the guy. You barely know him. It seems like you want me to fuck this whole thing up because you want both me and Chris to pay for our breakup. Heâs not what caused it, trust me.â
âHe is,â Minho instantly counters, tilting his head to the side. âIf he hadnât meddled, we wouldnât be here right now.â
âHe didnât meddle, Minho.â
He gets visibly annoyed at your denial, scoffing, letting out a loud huff, and shaking his head. âYou and I argued and almost broke up many times. Youâd always tell me you need time to think about it, Iâd give you a day or two before I called you and asked you to meet me. Weâd always work it out once we cooled off. The arguments were stupid, anyway. But every time, you went to this guy, told him about our problems, and let him get into your head. Donât forget Chris promised me he wouldnât meddle.â Minho pauses, glaring at you, showing how he really feels about Chris. Heâs rightâChris told him he wouldnât do that, so Minho has every right to be pissed. âAnd that last time was just the time I didnât call you after you said you needed time. I gave up because I realized youâd always go back to him, and Chris would always keep talking badly about me, trying to get you to break up with me for real, trying to separate us.â
Was he right? Minho wasnât a bad guy, not back then, and heâs not one right now. He wasnât spiteful or mean, even when you argued. But, Chris did always try to warn you about him, telling you Minho would break your heart, that you deserved someone different. He also reminded you of how popular your boyfriend was, how many women wanted him, how he had so much experience and you had basically none. Were you really that stupid back then? âI⊠Well, you gave up on it then. It had nothing to do with Chris.â
âPlease, it had everything to do with him. The fight was so stupid, and you were at fault, but when we talked, you said you needed time to think and that even Chris says the whole thing was pointless and we are wasting each otherâs time. Thatâs when I knew I couldnât win.â Minho sounds so disappointed you almost feel sorry for him, but thatâs hard when heâs also hurt you without even realizing it. âThis guy would always be there to say something bad about me. He was waiting for his chance and kept pushing you to break up with me in a way that made him seem nice. He wasnât. He got in between the two of us, and only because youâd never give up on his friendship. As long as the two of us dated, he was a danger.â
Minhoâs words hurt. All of this makes you seem like a total fool, like a gullible idiot who got conned by the man she thought was her best friend. It makes you seem weak and desperate and really fucking mean to Minho. A part of you knows heâs right about certain things. Chris did always take your side when youâd argue with Minho, even when your boyfriend was clearly in the right. Backed by Chrisâs faith in you being right, youâd keep pushing sometimes, but Minho would let you have it your way after he cooled off. Heâd be the one to apologize even if you fucked up, and youâd apologize later on when things settled down. So, he is definitely right about that.
âIâm⊠tired of this. We always argue, Minho, and I really canât do this right now,â you tell him as your eyes well up with tears. Youâre hurt and exhaustedânot because of Minhoâs words, but the realizations they brought on. Was everything a lie? Did you fuck things up for everyone involved? Do you constantly think of men highly even though they donât give a fuck about you? Minho has just admitted to that, yet here you are, caring about him. âI care about you a lot and I appreciate your opinions. Thanks for letting me know how you feel, but I donât think you have my best interest at heart right now. Iâm sorry. Can you please go to your room?â
âIââ Minho takes a step towards you, reaching out to touch you, but you pull away. You donât want his touch now. If he hugs you, youâll break down and you really donât want him to witness that. Youâve cried in front of Minho more than youâve cried in front of anyone else, even Chris, but you donât want him to know youâre hurt now, for some reason. Heâs smart, he might connect the dots even if heâs drunk and angry. âI am sorry.â
âI know, itâs fine,â you say, brushing it all off. âI promise.â
You canât hate the man even if you try. No matter what Minho tells you, youâll forgive him eventually. Despite everything, heâs still the guy you were crazy about back then, the guy you told everything to.Â
âItâs not fine,â your ex counters and reaches out, opening his hand and turning his palm upwards as if heâs asking you to take it. âPrettyâŠâ
You donât know why but you do it and prove yourself rightâMinhoâs touch is warm and comforting, as always. In a second, he uses your hand to pull you into his frame, hands finding purchase around your shoulders. His hug feels just as nice as you remember.Â
âI care about you, so I always have your best interest in mind,â he reminds you, voice so much softer than earlier, not a hint of anger in it. There he goes again, pulling you in, making you think your Minho is still this guy who just wants to fuck you. âThatâs why Iâm here. I donât want you to be with Chris, but I would never stand in your way. If you both confess and live happily ever after, Iâll be happy for you. Trust me. I just donât think youâd be happy.â
Instead of saying something, you fight the tears but fail. Some of them end up on Minho's chest, having soaked through his shirt, and he pulls you into his frame tighter, humming gently. âIâm sorry if Iâve hurt you. Iâm sorry, pretty.â
You want him to stay here with you, you want him to never have to leave, but you know itâs not real, none of it is. Minho has just spelled it out for youâhe cares about you as a friend, he regrets fucking you, and he can separate sex from feelings. Thatâs what hurts you the most. âCan you please leave?â you ask with a sniffle, not wanting him to witness a complete breakdown.
âIâ Sure,â Minho says, instantly letting go of you, even though your head stays on his chest. âIâm sorry, I got upset over, over you saying you didnât care about me and not being able to fuck someone else and you standing up for Chris when heââ Minho sighs before scoffing. âI know you donât want to talk about this. I shouldnât have said what I said. You deserve to be happy, pretty.â
With that, Minho kisses the top of your head a time or two before pulling away and leaving your room, just like you asked him to.
âDo you think Minho and I work well together?â you ask as soon as the person on the other side picks up, hoping they will respond and not go off on you.
Itâs the middle of the night where you are, and for the past couple of hours, youâve been crying on the balcony, raiding your minibar, and wondering what the fuck you are doing with your life.
âYou woke me up at 6 am to ask this?â Jisung wonders but doesnât wait for an answer. âMust be important then. I⊠I used to think it. I just thought he deserves someone whoâll be as nice to him as he was to you if Iâm honest.â
âBut other than that?â you ask, hiccuping right after. You shouldnât have mixed your liquors, clearly. âPersonality-wise? Feelings-wise?â
âIf I ignore the way you acted whenever you two argued and how much that hurt him⊠As much as it pains me to say this, I think you worked well together. Youâre similar enough to work but different enough not to get bored of each other,â Minhoâs best friend says, indulging this crazy whim of yours.
âI think so too,â you admit for the first time out loud. Itâs funny how youâre saying it to the person thatâs completely disconnected from the whole thing. âIâm really the worst person ever. Is that something you wanted to hear? I am, truly. Minho was always so out of my league that it was almost painful. And heâs such a good guy, too. Well⊠No, he is. I have it all coming.â
âClearly, youâre drunk,â Jisung sighs, âand you donât mean any of this. Maybe you should get some water, take a shower, and go to bed. Wait, why did you call me about this?â
âBecause youâre the only person who I can trust to be honest when it comes to him,â you explain, hoping your reasoning makes sense. âChris would tell me what I want to hear, Minho would say something that wouldnât hurt me, and you⊠Youâre not like that.â
âHm⊠I mean, youâre not wrong. Is Minho with you?â
âNo, heâs in his room, and he hates me,â you confess, feeling a pang in your chest as you say the words, remembering how sad youâve made him tonight. Disappointed, let down, sad, miserableâall because of you. âHe probably doesnât, but he should, I think.â
âWhat did you do?â Jisung asks, suddenly sounding a lot colder than earlier.
âI⊠I am just an idiot. Youâre right. I am mean to him. I didnât think about his feelings at all. If I had some lingering feelings for Chris, Minho could have some for me. But he doesnât,â you admit, feeling even worse than before. âYou were right, Jisung. I am selfish. He even went into the pool with me.â
Jisung cries out in surprise, forgetting that heâs supposed to act cold towards you. âWhat? I havenât seen him in a pool in literal years.â
âHe shouldnât be doing that for me,â you say and start crying. Jisung waits for you to calm down, but the tears seem to be never-ending. âI⊠We slept together, before this trip. And yesterday.â
âWhaââ He interrupts himself by groaning loudly, giving off his disappointment. âI knew it! What a fucking mess. So what now?â
âI donât know,â you admit, sniffling, knowing you sound really dumb and drunk and annoying, which is exactly how you feel. âI fucked everything up. Minho deserves the absolute best. You were right about that too, he treated me perfectly. But you were wrong about one thingâwhen we were together, I really didnât care about Chris or anyone else. It was only Minho for me. I loved him a lot. I know I didnât show it at all, clearly, but I did love him and the breakup hurt me. I still compare people to him, for fuckâs sake!â you exclaim angrily, realizing that itâs the absolute truthâdoesnât every guy get compared to the best boyfriend youâve ever had? âDonât ever tell him I told you that.â
âIâll think about it, it sounds like good blackmail material,â Jisung jokes. âListen, youâre not a bad person. I took it too far. Nowâs not the time to go down this rabbit hole of self-loathing, especially since youâre drunk and attending a wedding of a guy you used to like. So get some rest. Stop thinking about it now, and talk to him sober, okay? You know Minho gets things. Heâs not angry with you, Iâm sure.â
if you want to support my writing, you can buy me a coffee here and let me know what you think about it here. thank you! âĄ
This chapter was an emotional roller coaster but at least the last part brought me a little comfort bc Ji is very cute STILL i was very frustrated because they are trapped in a misunderstanding and not having the courage to be true to their own feelings TT a lot of what ifs and second guessing things i cant with them
Also i want someone to love me as much as Lee Know loves main lead ok yes pls thank u đđœââïž
Also at first it was amusing to me how main lead kept contradicting everything he said but then i got frustrated đ LIKE GET A GRIP AND FACE THE REALITY THAT HE LOVES YOU AND DONT LET URSELF BELIEVE THINGS THAT AINT IT AHHHHHHHH
Im once again editing this post because im not over i had to take a shower ok lesgo
I cant get over him loving her so much and being frustrated and even if he was taking it out on her the moment he saw she felt like crying he calmed down TT and that at the end he was saying he would be happy for her if she confesses and they actually worked out but he knew she wouldnât be happy and thats all he wants her to be even if isnt with HIM IM đđđ
You promise Minho not to leave him alone at the party.
âą pairing: minho x fem!reader
âą word count: 8.7k
âą genre: smut, angst, non-idol!au, fake dating!au, exes to lovers!au, unrequited love, love triangle, exboyfriend!minho, ex!best friend chan
âą warnings: excessive drinking, swearing; mentions of a failed sex attempt; angst!
⹠masterlist ⥠series masterpost ⥠updates ⥠read on AO3
âą reblogs and feedback are always motivating and appreciated! âĄ
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if you want to support my writing, you can buy me a coffee here and let me know what you think about it here. thank you! âĄ
The morning of the party starts well for you because you end up going for a walk with Chris and a couple of friends from back in the day right after breakfast. After having sex and taking a nap in Minhoâs room yesterday afternoon, you snuck out and spent the evening in your hotel room, taking a long bath, ordering room service, and just thinking.Â
You thought about you and Chris and how things were wildly different now, you and Minho and how things were weirdly the same despite everything. Where this idea of you and Chris together failed, the one of you and Minho thrived. But even that is impossible. The thinking doesnât do you any good, so youâre grateful Chris has invited you to go somewhere and do something just so you donât have to be alone and think anymore.
As a good fake girlfriend should, you instantly text Minho when you get the invite. Itâs whatâs expected of you. Plus, you wouldnât mind seeing him. Despite what happened between you two yesterday, you know things wonât be awkwardâthey never are with Minho. You left without a word yesterday because he was sleeping so sweetly that it felt wrong to wake him up just to say bye. Still, you know he wonât mind and you know everything will be normal when you see him.
You: hey, minho! want to take a walk with me and chris and some other people?
While you get ready, you keep glancing at your phone, wondering if Minho is even awake. You donât know what he did last nightâmaybe the night took him somewhere else, maybe he went downstairs to the bar and drank and had fun.Â
Minho: thanks for the invite, i donât feel like walking
You find your exâs excuse funny since heâs gone out for a walk every morning and evening since you got here, preferring to enjoy nature than sit around his room or hang around the pool.Â
But, you think he just wants some privacy or time away from a crazy ex that keeps sleeping with him, so you leave him to it. After all, heâs been stuck here with you and a bunch of people he doesnât really likeâMinho has the right to be alone with his thoughts, no matter how much you want to pick them.
The walk is enjoyable because no one talks about you or Minho or your past or anything in between, so you can focus on the conversation and forget about everything. Chris and you are the last ones standing, the other guys having given up an hour in, wanting to go start drinking by the pool. You donât want to get too drunk today, and neither does Chris, so you two keep walking alone.Â
âNervous?â you ask, wondering how you would feel if you were in his shoes, a day away from getting married. Would it be nerve-racking? Would you worry about everything going well? Or would you just be happy youâre getting married to someone you love?
âAbout the party?â Chris suggests, completely missing the point of the question. The party is not the event of the weekâthe wedding is. âNot really. Just canât get too drunk and embarrass myself, but I think Iâll manage that.â
With a chuckle, you explain, âI meant, about the wedding.â You know Chris would never get too drunk and do something stupid, itâs just not his style. Heâs a good guy, much like Minho.Â
âThe wedding?â he repeats after you, and then his eyes widen as if he understands what you mean. âOh no, Iâm not nervous at all. I canât wait actually.â
âThatâs wonderful,â you tell him, meaning it. It is, even if you hate hearing it. If Chris is going to get married, he should do it with someone who doesnât make him feel nervous, who doesnât leave any doubt in his mind. Right?
âOh, thereâs Minho,â Chris points out, looking somewhere straight ahead.
You spot your ex who said he didnât feel like walking doing just that on his own. When Minho notices you, he gives you a quick wave, turns around, and leaves before you can wave back or ask him to join you. You wonder if he thinks you are confessing to Chris and wants to give you some privacy. Why else would he lie to you? Still, something about watching him rush to get away from you stings deep inside.
âAaaand heâs gone,â Chris announces dramatically, laughing. âThe guy really canât stand me. Canât pretend to like me to save his life.â
âWhat happened between the two of you?â you ask, wondering why Chris thinks Minho hates him. From what you know, Minho never said a word to him or treated him badly. The things he told you were private, and youâd never share them with Chris.
âWell, nothing happened,â Chris stresses the word, which just makes you feel like thereâs more to the story than the two have let on. âWe talked, guy to guy.â
A talk? Why is this the first time youâre hearing about it? You just hope they didnât talk on the island but years ago. But, in that case, why did neither of them think to inform you? Itâs definitely information you would want to hear, especially back then when you were getting over your crush on Chris and falling in love with Minho. âAnd? Did Minho say something he shouldn't have?âÂ
Youâre on your toes as you wait for Chris to respond, wondering if he already knows you were crazy about him back then. What did Minho tell him?
âNo, he, uhâŠâ Surprisingly, Chris sighs deeply, and you can tell heâs nervous. He smacks his lips before continuing, âI've never told you this because it makes me look bad and I'm embarrassed about it, but I'm getting married this week, so I guess I can tell you about it now.â
You motion for him to continue, wondering what kind of a secret youâre about to hear. âI'm all ears.â
âMinho invited me out for drinks while you two were dating. It was maybe three months into your relationship. We met at a bar, and he ordered us shots,â Chris explains, starting to walk a bit faster as if heâs getting riled up. All of this is news to you, so you try to imagine the scene while he speaksâthe two men you had feelings for meeting up on their own because of you. âI said I didn't want to drink, but he just turned around, looked at me, and said something like Oh, you'll need it. I thought I was fucked. I figured he'd down the shot and deck me in the face.â
Chris laughs at that, and you follow, even though your mind is racing. You never knew the two met and talked privately, so you are worried about everything that could have happened between them without you knowing all these years. âWhy would he do that?â
âWell he, uh, I guess he figured out I had feelings for you. I mean I know he did because he told me,â Chris explains, not looking at you.
âHe did?â You fear Minho ratted you out back then, told your friend you had feelings for him, and threatened him to stay away. Would he do that?Â
Your mind goes back to Minho when you dated, instantly remembering how sweetly he always treated you, how he always made you the center of his attention. Would he do something like that behind your back? Did you not know him at all?
âI expected him to hate me, to tell me to fuck off, and all that, but he... He was more than fair. Minho, uh...â Chris scratches the back of his head and looks at you with a grin that reveals his dimple. âHe told me he loves you and wants you to be happy. And he knew I liked you. So, he was giving me a chance to act on it. You two have a bond, you're great friends, and if you like her and there's a chance she might like you back, go for it. I couldn't believe it.â
âHe said that?â You canât hide your surprise at this new information because itâs practically unbelievable.Â
Three months into your relationship, you were starting to really fall for Minho. In fact, you were so into him you told him about Chris and how you used to like him and how you hated yourself for it. But that was it. You didnât tell your boyfriend you wanted to be with Chris or that you were sad you couldnât. You didnât even want Chris anymore at the timeâMinho was all you could think about.
âYeah. I was shocked, honestly. He said it was a fair chance and that he'd back away if you told me you wanted to be with me. Minho wouldn't get mad at me or try to retaliate or anything,â Chris explains, and you canât even imagine this conversation and Minho saying these things. Why would he hand that chance over to someone he knew you used to have a crush on, especially if he cared about you too? He did, you know that. You both cared for each other.
Suddenly, you need to know more. âI had no idea. What happened then?â
âWell, clearly, I didn't take him up on his offer...â Chris snickers, obviously feeling silly. âHe told me to call you right then and confess and that he'd walk away if you reciprocated. But, if I chose not to, he asked me not to play against him.â
âAgainst him?â You can only repeat his words, trying to make sense of the whole thing. What was Minhoâs end goal?
âNot try to break you two up, work from the shadows without ever telling you I liked you,â he explains, waving his hands around with a grimace on his face. âI mean, he didn't want me to ruin things for you if I didn't have the balls to say anything to you.â
Well, that was smart of Minho, you think. He gave Chris a fair chance and asked him to do the same. âAnd you never did,â you point out, thinking about everything that could have been. Chris just had to call you back then.
âNo. That's when I realized Minho really loved you like you deserved. If the roles were reversed, I never would have offered that, ever.â Chris stops walking and looks at you poignantly, giving you a slow nod as if that is meant to explain the whole thing. Strangely, it kind of does. âAnd I also wouldn't have been able to stand you being friends with him. Iâd be so jealous if I were him. But he let you be my friend and never said a word to you, right?
âNever, he really didn't,â you reassure him. Why didn't he, though? He knew all this, he knew it all, and yet he let you be Chrisâs friend, he let Chris comfort you after every argument.
âThat's because he really did love you,â Chris answers your question without even hearing it. âAnd that's the type of thing you should have with someone.â
Nothing eventful happens during the walk because youâre too busy thinking about the conversation between Minho and Chris back then and all the possibilities. Had Chris called you back then, what would you have said? Three months into the relationship, you were trying not to fall in love with Minho, too scared of him getting tired of you, a guy like him who could have anyone. Yet, you were already too far gone, Chris slowly falling into the background as Minho took over, and you realized there was no turning backâyou were going to be with Minho for as long as you could.Â
Had your friend called you that night and confessed, you probably would have turned him down. You were in a happy relationship with a guy you liked. Months after that, you knew you loved Minho. So, your decision would have been right, no matter what happened later, no matter whatâs happening now. Even if Chris acted on his feelings when given the chance, it wouldnât have worked because your heart wasnât in it by then. Therefore, it wasnât meant to be
When you go back to the hotel, you make a beeline for Minhoâs room, hoping to find him there, but heâs out. You try to call him, but it goes straight to voicemail, leaving you to wonder where he is. The one place youâre sure he is not at is the pool, so you go downstairs and explore the lobby and the garden, but he just isnât there. You wonder if heâs made a friend there or if heâs somewhere on his own, away from the terrible ex thatâs making him do degrading things just to get something out of it for herself.
So, you go to the spa, deciding to have some quiet time and think without running into an old friend, a former lover, or the guy you wanted to be your lover, maybe. The spa does a lot to calm your nerves, but as soon as you get out and back into the real world, your mind takes you to the conversation, and you look for Minho again, this time successfully.
He lets you into his room, and you walk inside, wondering what you even want to say. Youâve had so much on your mind all day, ever since the conversation with Chris, and now that you two are here together, youâre not sure where to start. Your ex looks at you questioningly with a slight smirk on his face.
âTo what do I owe this pleasure?â he asks you, rubbing his temples with two fingers as if his head hurts.
âYou never told me about your little talk with Chris back then at some bar,â you cut straight to the chase, deciding not to drag it out.
âWhy would I?â Minho shrugs, closing the door behind you and walking straight to the bed, sitting down on it with a grunt. âWe said we wouldn't, that was the deal. I guess good old Chris really can't keep a fucking promise.â
âIâŠâ You gulp, not knowing what exactly you want to say. Scolding him for not telling you about it seems pointless right now. Besides, he did a nice thing behind your back, not something terrible. âYou didn't have to do that for me, you know. When I was with you, I didn't try to be with him. I just wanted to be with you.â
Itâs an admission of your feelings for him from back in the day which might be a bit too much considering the current situation, but you know Minho is already aware you were crazy about him. Wasnât it obvious? Everyone knew that. You still have some feelings left for him solely because they were too strong back then. So, youâre not sure why you feel strange admitting this, why your breath hitches in your throat while you wait for Minho to respond, why youâre nervous about saying the words.
âPretty,â Minho scoffs with a shake of his head, âI had way too many mimosas with Sunyoung and her mom earlier. If you get all sentimental on me, I might actually throw up.â With that, he grimaces as if he is going to be sick.
âHow lovely,â you grunt at him, rolling your eyes. Of course, Minho has to ruin the moment. âI mean it, though. It was sweet. You were capable of having real feelings back then, wow. What happened to you in the meantime?â
Itâs a joke, and a bad one, which is why Minho doesnât laugh. Instead, he opts for sarcasm. âOh, I donât know⊠Got dumped?â
You decide not to address his comment and go for the next best thing. âWhy are you drunk at 2 pm on a party night?â
âI was asked a lot of questions about you and this terrible relationship of ours, so I played my part and drank a lot,â Minho jokes, throwing himself on the bed, which makes his linen shirt ride up his stomach, revealing a strip of smooth skin right above the hem of his underwear. Just yesterday, your mouth was on that patch of skin, making its way down to his coâ âWant people to think weâre miserable, right? Besides, I donât think Iâm going to the party.â
âWhat?â You walk over to the bed, nudging him with your knee, and the warmth of his skin transfers to yours, making you want to touch him some more. The thought of facing all the wedding-goers without him makes you sick to your stomach. âYou canât not go.â
âIt will be easier for you to play the role of a disappointed girlfriend. Plus, Iâm really not in the mood to sit around on my own and watch you drool over Chris.â Your ex scoffs, taking a deep breath as he covers his eyes, the alcohol probably making his head hurt. This time, you do understand his disdain for your former best friend. What you donât understand is why he has a problem with you drooling over anyoneâheâs just told you this thing of yours is just sex. âIâd rather stay here, jerk off, and go to bed.â
âYou can do all of that back at home,â you mumble, smacking his thigh. âI think weâll have fun tonight. I wonât leave you alone for a long time, I promise. Weâll have a blast together.â
By the time you and Minho show up at the party, slightly tipsy from the drinks you downed together by the bar, everyone is drunk. Thatâs what you wantedâshow up late when people are tipsy and avoid any weird looks and questions.Â
Since youâre drunk, you drag your ex to the dancefloor with you and dance with him in circles, pulling your best and most embarrassing moves out and singing along to the music.
âWeâre definitely the worst people on this dance floor,â Minho shouts at you over the music, even though he leans in close to your ear.Â
âWorst how?â you ask, enjoying the feeling of his arms around your waist, helping you not stumble and look wasted already. âMorally?â
Minho laughs, shaking his head. âI meant, we look like weâve had a few. But maybe morally tooâŠâ He lets his voice trail off, and his eyes shift to the side.Â
âYouâre not wrong,â you admit, lowering your voice, which means Minho has to lean in and practically press his ear to your mouth to hear you, which just allows you to breathe in the strong scent of his cologne. âWhat weâre doing is not exactly right.â
You feel a weird pang in your chest when you remember Jisungâs words about you using Minho. It is not right, thatâs true, especially if he is still holding onto some feelings. But, he told you he wasnât just last night, that you are getting carried away.
Are you? Seeing your ex get vulnerable by the pool made you think of him in a different lightâit brought you back to the old days when all you two had was each other. It brought back some old feelings, mainly the ones about wanting to protect him. Minho was always the sarcastic, confident guy who never got hurt by anything. Seeing him vulnerable for the first time only made you want to protect him from everything, like he did you.
Thatâs why you acted the way you did yesterday and made a move on Minho. All of that is difficult to explain and probably sounds completely nuts, so you donât even try.
âYeah, youâre⊠Trying to break up your friendâs marriage right when itâs about to begin, and Iâ Yeah,â Minho inhales sharply, deciding to go back to singing along to the song instead of finishing his thought. He makes faces at you while he sings and, even if you think he looks like heâs having fun, you need to know more.
You donât want this particular conversation to stopâyou want him to say what is on his mind. âAnd you what?â
âIâm trying to stop you, I guess,â your ex says with a shrug, his expression suddenly turning gloomy. Heâs moving to the rhythm effortlessly, and you just follow, even if the conversation is somewhat serious.
âThatâs the morally correct thing here,â you point out, patting his chest. âItâs what a normal person would do.â
âFor the right reasons, yes,â Minho tells you, a weird glimmer in his eyes as he chews on his bottom lip. He looks concerned, and thatâs not like him. What are his reasons, then? Whatâs wrong with wanting to stop you from ruining a wedding? âI⊠Iâd like to sit down for a while, get some water, and clear my mind. Do you want to come with me?â
Just then, you see Sunyoung running toward you with an expression of genuine happiness. Another pang shoots through your chest, so you take a deep breath and force out a grin. âYou go, Iâll⊠Hang out with my new friend,â you say as you look in Sunyoungâs direction. âIâll be with you soon, okay?â
You donât even notice when and how Minho leaves because youâre too busy hugging Sunyoung, and sheâs dragging you to the middle of the dancefloor. Itâs only then that you spot Chris and how gorgeous he looks with his hair swept back, in a dark button-up.
âI see you and Minho are looking close tonight,â Sunyoung notes after a couple of songs that you two spend dancing like youâre best friends. You canât even hate herâsheâs a good person and seems to have a lot of love for Chris. Isnât that whatâs best for him? âAnd yesterday, by the pool. Are things better?â
You almost forgot that Minho has been confirming your story of you two not doing so well earlier today after you two were so close yesterday in front of everyone. People must think you two are a match made in hellâone afternoon, youâre kissing by the pool and running up to your hotel room. The next, heâs drinking with the bride and her mom and moaning about your relationship.Â
Itâs a part of the plan, but it all seems so stupid now, a lot more complicated than you thought it would be, but you have no choice but to play along. You keep making a bigger mess all the timeâyou tell people you arenât sure about your relationship but then spend half the day in his arms by the pool.
âI donât know,â you tell her, wondering where you two actually stand. After this trip, will you go back to being strangers? That would be⊠terrible. You opt for the truth. âWeâre just⊠Friends. Friends who used to love each other a lot. Maybe I didn't even realize how much before we, uh, reconnected.â
âWell, give it time!â She hugs you unexpectedly, her soft palm patting your shoulder. âIt takes a while to rebuild something like that.â
âIt⊠It does,â you respond, unsure of what else to say. It takes a while to rebuild something only if both people want to do that in the first place. âBut it takes a lot of other things too⊠The feelings have to be there.â
Sunyoung smiles at you so warmly that you want to hug her, as crazy as that sounds. âWell, you two⊠Chris told me you had insane chemistry back in the day. I havenât really seen it until yesterday at the pool,â she says, lowering her voice so no one else can hear. âIt seemed like you two felt like you were the only people there. Not in a bad way, just an only-have-eyes-for-each-other sort of thing, which is so obvious and cute. You were like two teenagers in love, which is the goal, isnât it?â
âI⊠Thanks, Sunyoung,â you whisper back, your eyes wandering to Chris, who is walking over to the two of you and pulling you both into his arms.Â
âAnd whoâs drunk and hugging on the dance floor?â He laughs, pulling Sunyoung in for a wet kiss that you have to witness up close. If Minho were next to you, heâd probably gag at the sounds, and the thought amuses you.
âI love love,â Sunyoung tells him, patting your shoulder. âI just want her and Minho to work out, you know? Theyâre both really nice.â
âI know, baby,â Chris coos, kissing her again. âYour momâs looking for you.â
Sunyoung excuses herself and walks off to find her mom, leaving you and Chris to dance. He grins at you, shaking his head. âI donât know what youâve decided about Minho, but be aware that Sunyoungâs mom wouldnât mind getting her hands on him.â
You laugh heartily at the idea of Sunyoungâs mom, who youâve met a couple of times during the trip, and Minho together. It would never happen, of course, but the fact that Chris warns you about it is comical. The woman is gorgeous, but sheâs Chrisâs future mother-in-law. Does Minho really need another connection to the guy?
âWho doesnât want a piece of Minho?â you add after youâre done laughing. Youâre convinced most people would like a chance with him, especially once they get to know him. Whatâs there not to like? âIâm aware heâs a wanted guy.â
âNot nervous about losing him?â Chris asks, and it feels like a challenge. Is he implying Minho would cheat on you? You two are not together, but your friend doesnât know that.Â
âNo,â youâre quick to respond again, not wanting him to win whatever it is that youâre doing. Besides, you and Minho have a weird type of relationship, one that a guy like Chris wouldnât understand. You barely understand it yourself, but it seems to work. âNot nervous about the wedding?â
âNot at all,â Chris tells you with a smile before he spins you around. You believe himâhe looks completely happy with his decision, certain in it.
âShe is the love of your life, huh?â Itâs a question, but itâs more of a conclusion in your book. They work well together, in ways you two simply never could. You barely have anything to talk about, other than the past, and thatâs not where your life is headed.
âShe is,â Chris looks right into your eyes as he says, âI didnât think something like this existed until I let myself enjoy it.â
âIt wasnât love at first sight?â
âAt first sight?â Your friend scoffs like the whole notion is funny. âI thought you didnât believe in that crap. Thereâs no perfection, nothing happens instantly⊠At least thatâs how I see it.â
âSometimes, you can connect with someone when you first notice them, right? Isnât that what we did?â Youâre getting ballsy with the questions, but you feel like everythingâs slipping away from you.Â
Youâve fucked up everything you could, starting with your relationship with Minho. There were layers to that thing you werenât even aware of until this trip, but itâs all gone now and all because of this âwhat ifâ with Chris, who youâre about to lose too. In fact, you never even had him. You did have Minho back then, but you completely ruined the relationship and whatever feelings he had for you.
âIt is, youâre right. But it never progressed from that stage, did it?â Chris concludes, and you know he makes a good point. Itâs what Minho told you, itâs what Chris told you, itâs what you should be telling yourself. It could, but it didnât. If it did, it wouldnât have worked.
Isnât that what you should be thinking about Minho, too? It would have worked out if it were meant to be. It could be perfect, but it isnât, and Minho seems to understand that. You decide to be bold again, the alcohol making you get spiteful. âIt could have.â
âIt could have,â he agrees in his usual calm manner, giving you a warm smile. âBut it didnât, is my point.âÂ
âI understandâŠâ You sigh, looking around as you two dance, wondering how you even got here in the first place. âI wish I could fall for someone that way again.â
âDidnât you fall for Minho that same way?â Chris reminds you. That is true, you did fall for him back then, but itâs different now. Chris thinks youâre together, but youâre not.
âAh, weâre⊠Not in a good place,â you lie, unable to look him in the eye when talking about this fake relationship. The thing is, half of this isnât fakeâyour feelings somehow got hurt yesterday. All the thinking you did last night and today made you realize that. Youâre hurt that Minho just sees sex in you. Heâs always been more than that to you.
âWell, I kind of figured it out when you said you donât know why youâre with him,â Chris admits with a knowing look. âIf youâre with a guy, Iâm guessing you should know why. Is there really nothing thatâs keeping you there? You used to love him a lot.â
You donât really need to be reminded of your feelings for Minho. For some reason, theyâve been bubbling up to the surface lately, and not in the way you expected them to. During this trip, youâve realized you want Minho in your life. As a friend, of course. In fact, you just want him there, you donât care about the role he will play.
You like spending time with him, and his stupid little comments make you kind of happy. Plus, Minho gets you in a way most people never will. The idea of going back home and not talking to him as much as you have during this trip scares you, makes your stomach turn upside down, makes you want to cry. âI⊠I did, Chris, you know I did. He made me happy.â
âBut he no longer does?â your friend suggests, not taking his eyes off of you, which makes you look at him too instead of avoiding his gaze like a coward.
Your mind instantly runs to that night at the bar, to all the fun you two had before going to Minhoâs place. You danced like you were the only two people there, not caring who would see you and what they would think. You told him everything he wanted to know, responded to every question with the truth, and knew you were getting the same in return.Â
Even yesterday, it was easy to talk to him about your feelings, to share them without having to worry about getting ridiculed. He always gets you, even if what you are saying makes no sense, if you are so confused you arenât even sure what you want. Sometimes, it feels like he can listen to what youâre saying and discern your real thoughts from the bullshit, see right through it, and tell you how things really are, without embellishments or lies.Â
You let Minho back into your life so easily because he still fits right in. Heâs a good guy, and you donât want people to think he has nothing to offer, even if youâre pretending youâre miserable in a relationship with him.
âHeâs perfect, Chris,â you admit, meaning it. Minho is the perfect man. The fact that heâs here playing along to your crazy plan just proves it. No one else would do that for you. âI guess I just wasnât sure if thereâs someone else I should be with instead of him. And sometimes itâs easier to think that than admit that you fucked everything up and hurt someone you really cared about.â
The groom nods and lets out a loud sigh, squeezing your shoulder. âThatâs something you should figure out before you make him fall for you even more,â Chris advises softly, gently nudging his head to your left.Â
When you look over your shoulder to that spot, you see Minho sitting by the table, staring at you two, cheekbone resting on his knuckles, a pout on his lips. Since you catch him looking, he fakes a smile and looks the other way, but it doesnât work on you. You know when his smile is forced.Â
âAny other guy would be furious right now,â Chris points out, and heâs right about that. If you were dating someone and dancing with Chris this much, especially considering your past, the person would probably get fed up with you. But not Minho, never Minho. âYouâre dancing with me, and the two of us have history. Nothing real ever happened, but there's history, especially with him. He knows.â
âAre you saying heâs not jealous?â Thatâs true, though. Thereâs never been any jealousy in Minho. That used to worry you. You thought it meant he didnât care enough about you. Nowadays, you think no jealousy is healthy.
Just then, Seoyoon sits on your seat and places her hand on Minhoâs shoulder, leaning in so she can whisper something to him. Chris has warned you about her and you canât feel jealous about itâMinho is single, even if you two slept together just yesterday. Minho doesnât owe you a single thing, let alone faithfulness. You canât be selfish and get upset over it, you canât let yourself feel hurt when you see him smirk and then chuckle at whatever it is she whispered to him while brushing her tits against his arm âby accident,â youâre sure. You can see right through it, though.Â
âYes,â Chris breathes the word with a slight nod, reminding you that youâre still talking to him about Minho being jealous. âBut itâs not a bad thing. It means he trusts you. Itâs how it is with me and Sunyoung. She can dance with any guy here, Iâd still trust her. When itâs right, thereâs no jealousy. Are you jealous of women around him?â
âNot really,â you admit, even though a part of you is. Seoyoon clearly wants him. She didnât waste any time yesterday, and they drank together this morning, too. Why shouldnât they? Theyâre both single adults looking for some fun. Plus, she thinks heâs in a miserable relationship with a complete bitch whoâs been treating him poorly. âIf he wanted to be with someone else, he could. I couldnât really change his mind about it. It would be wrong of me to try.â
Maybe you and Chris donât exactly agree on everything. Even when you were holding onto this idea of Chris and you, you would have felt jealous seeing Minho with someone else. Do you feel the same way now?
You look over Chrisâs shoulder and see his future mother-in-law cup Minhoâs chin and make him face her, you see her flirting, batting her eyelashes at him, making sure he gets a good look at her cleavage, making sure Minho knows he can have her. âIf you donât try, youâll never know,â Chris tells you with a sigh. âAnd if you decide not to try, then itâs best to leave it alone.â
You know heâs probably talking about you two in the pastâneither one of you tried to get with the other one, and that might have been for the bestâbut youâre not sure if thatâs right in Minhoâs case. Is it better to let it go? The chemistry?
You know his body well, you know him well, and imagining someone else having him, getting to feel him that way, getting him to moan the way you do irks you irrationally. The idea of him calling someone else pretty the way he does you bothers you, seemingly for no reason. Did he call Seoyoon pretty just now, is that what caused her to kick her head back and laugh, her hand landing somewhere on his thigh, her body leaning towards his?Â
You know Minho is charming and sweet and that he can probably have a different girl every night if he wants to. But, you never thought about it until this whole thing started, until you slept with him again and realized other people could have him, even though you two⊠get each other? You arenât sure if that is the feeling youâre experiencing.
What is even worse is that you feel jealous when you think about Minho trusting someone else enough to let the person lead him into water, clutching onto their hand as he did yours, holding onto you tight as water surrounds him. The idea of seeing him and Seoyoon or any other woman doing that makes you sick to your stomach.
Maybe youâve had too much to drink. During this entire thing, you havenât felt jealous of Sunyoung getting to hold Chrisâs hand once. She gets to hold a lot more, of course, but none of that upsets you as much as the thought of someone else helping Minho get over his fear.Â
Fuck. Youâve got it all wrong.
By the time you gather your thoughts, drink some water, get some fresh air, and return to the table, Minho isnât there. Neither is Seoyoon, which stings. Youâre not stupidâyou know what people are here for, especially single ones, and the two have clearly gone somewhere together. Even though heâs been drinking, Minho can give her a great time, and youâre sure sheâs having the best sex of her life right now, the sex you should be having.
The thought hurts for no apparent reason. Youâre exes. Heâs told you that youâre just sex to him and that you shouldnât get carried away. Youâre here to do something immoral, even if youâre not even doing it anymore. Minho is a moral guy. He wants nothing more than sex with you and has been honest about it. Granted, he probably feels the same way about Seoyoon, but she is not someone who loves him the way you do, the way you did.
Even though your night is ruined, you stay and dance with some of Chrisâs friends you knew back in the day, try not to think about Minho and how you managed to fuck everything up during this tripâyour self-esteem, your friendship with Minho, this stupid plan of yours. Youâre going to return home from this trip completely hurt and alone, and Minho is probably not going to be your friend after this.
Youâre sure Minho and Seoyoon are screwing each otherâs brains out somewhere, but you suddenly see him back at the table drinking, looking like a complete mess. Minho is far past tipsyâheâs drunk. Glassy eyes give him away, and so does the cocky smirk he sports the second he sees you walking over. The first couple of buttons of his shirt are unbuttoned, revealing a bit of his chest, his tie hanging loosely around his neck, a drink in hand. All of it points to him getting laid and then getting completely wasted.
âYou look like you need a shower and some sleep,â you inform your ex as you sit down next to him. At this point, youâre tired too, and all you want to do is leave this party with him and maybe talk. Or not. Just being next to him is sometimes enough. âWash the sex off of you.âÂ
Youâre not sure why you went with that out of all the things you could have told him. Youâre hurt over the whole thing, and not because of him, but because of your stupid actions.Â
âAnd youâre taking your anger out on the wrong person,â Minho hisses back, which tells you heâs drunker than you thought. The last time you spoke, you two were more than fine. In fact, you were acting friendly.
âOh,â you breathe the word, deciding not to indulge him. âIâm not angry. I just think youâve had too much to drink.â
âMaybe because you ignored me for the last three hours even though you promised youâd stay with me if I came here with you,â your ex points out. Â
The glare he gives you makes you feel like your mistake is being thrown in your face, proving Jisung right once again. You are a selfish bitch. Has it really been three hours? You check your phone and see that Minho isnât lyingâyouâve left him alone for that long while you danced with Sunyoung and then Chris, leaving the party tent to have some water, think, get away from it all.
But then again, Minho did have some alone time with Seoyoon, which means he wasnât as lonely as heâs pretending to be. For some reason, that irks you. You pause for a second to think. Can you really blame him after heâs been left here alone for hours, after he watched you dance and talk to Chris, after you promised you wouldnât leave him alone?
âIâm sorry,â you apologize and pat his thigh as guilt washes over you. Despite what has happened between him and Seoyoon, you did make a promise earlier. You canât really blame Minho for getting drunk and hooking up with someone when he was left to his own devices at a wedding party where youâre the only person he really knows. âYou sound like youâre angry with me, not the other way around.â
âDonât try to touch your way out of this,â Minho sneers at you and moves his knee away from your hand, jerking his hand in the process. That knocks his glass over, and the dark whiskey stains the white tablecloth instantly, the stain getting bigger with every passing second. âFuck!â
You reach for the glass, but a bit too lateâmost of the liquid is soaking through the tablecloth, and all eyes seem to be on you two. Minho might have raised his voice a bit, but not at you. However, the people around donât know that, and you two look like one of those couples that argue in public.
That is probably why Sunyoung appears right next to your table, looking at you two with a worried smile. âHey, you two! Everything okay?â
âPerfect,â you lie through your teeth, hoping sheâll leave before Minho tells her anything. Maybe she doesnât need to know he fucked her mom just now even though heâs supposed to be your boyfriend for the intents and purposes of this trip.
âGreat!â As if Seunyoung can read your mind, she looks at your date, who looks like heâs over the whole thing, like heâd rather be anyone but here, and you know exactly why. âAre you okay, Minho?â
âHeâs fine,â you say right when Minho tells her, âI'm not,â which makes for an embarrassing moment or two as Sunyoungâs eyes dart from your to his face.
âHeâs just a bit drunk,â you explain with a slight nod as if youâre trying to tell her not to pay attention to him, which is exactly your goal. He seems way too tipsy and upset to be talking to Chrisâs future wife. âA good nightâs sleep, and heâll be as good as new.â
âLeave it to my dear girlfriend to know best!â Minho says spitefully, throwing a mean look your way. Oh, you really pissed him off tonight, you can tell. But, itâs all your fault and you had it coming. âDoesnât she always?â
You glance at Sunyoung and mouth an âIâm sorryâ to her before looking at him again. âMaybe we should go upstairs, huh?â
âYou donât want to dance with Chris a bit more?â Minho suggests, his words shooting at you like daggers.Â
Instead of getting suspicious or attacking you, Sunyoung just chuckles at his words. âYou shouldnât worry, remember?â She nods at your ex as he gets up, letting you know the two of them have a secret you know nothing about. âIâll see you guys tomorrow. Get some rest!â
Minho laughs so loudly that the couple next to you looks at you both like youâre crazy, so you apologize. âIâm sorry, heâs had a bit too much to drink, please donât mind him.â
âYeah, I have!â Minho wraps his arm around you, chuckling, his fingers digging into the skin of your shoulder. He faces the couple with a grin. âMy lovely girlfriend here is about to dump me, but weâre stuck on this island so she has to put up with me for another day or two. I also have to put up with a lot, but⊠Who cares, right?â
The couple looks at you two like youâre a mess, which you definitely are, and you canât get yourself to say a thing. He does have to put up with a lot because of you and none of it is fair. Minho gets up and takes a deep breath. âIf youâll excuse me.â
With that, he leaves the table and the tent, making his way to the hotel. You excuse yourself too and run after him, too embarrassed to stay there and face the couple or Sunyoung. Plus, you really donât want Minho to go anywhere on his own when heâs this drunk.Â
Your ex is not exactly fast when wasted, so you easily catch up with him. You wait for the elevator together in complete silence, but you feel his eyes on you like daggers as he stands there with his hands crossed over his chest. You fucked things up and disappointed him and you deserve his anger.Â
Just when you two step inside, Sunyoungâs mother catches up with you and joins you, which makes the ride even more awkward after what has happened between the two of them. After all, she must think you two are together unless Minho really made it seem like heâs suffering in this ârelationshipâ when they drank together this morning. So, she thinks you two are unhappy together and sheâs just fucked the guy youâre supposed to be dating.
âHow come you two are leaving so early?â she asks, looking only at Minho, whose arms are crossed over his chest as he leans against the elevator wall. âThe partyâs just starting!â
âWeâŠâ You donât know what to say.Â
At this point, youâre kind of tired of lying and have a feeling everyone knows everything is fake. We are exes who fucked while on this crazy quest to get Chris to break your daughterâs heart and be with me doesnât sound that good. Thatâs what youâre doing. Youâre here to ruin a wedding and you managed to fuck things up with Minho, the only normal person you know. This lady also fucked the same guy you fucked twice this month and about a million times in the past, so things couldnât get worse for you in this elevator.
âI had too much to drink, as you know,â Minho admits to her easily, shaking his head. What does that mean? âAnd sheâs helping me go to my room. We also kind of argued in front of your daughter and⊠Itâs a shitshow.â
âOh, I see,â she grimaces and nods, which makes you wonder what is going on. âAs long as you know what you want. Itâs important to be honest, after all.â
Youâre not sure what any of it meansâit sounds like the two are speaking in code you donât understand. Then, Minho moves to the side so heâs closer to you and wraps his arm around you. Even if itâs just for show, feeling him close makes you feel better instantly, like things are alright.Â
âBaby,â he practically hums at you, even though Seoyoon is right there, âI drank with Mrs. Lee today and told her all about you and us and how weâre⊠Reconnecting but failing. How things just donât seem to be working for us.âÂ
Oh, so he was playing along today and selling the story you made up to everyone here, for you. Itâs just another reminder of how selfish you are. Youâre too busy thinking about that to notice that this isnât really a conversation you should be having with Seoyoon, who is a complete stranger to you, even if your ex had his dick in her minutes ago.
âYes, Iâve heard all about it.â She smiles at you sympathetically, which is so annoying considering how hard she was coming onto him just earlier. Does she think you donât know? âIâve heard about how you two met back in the day and how happy you were. Minho said wonderful things about you and everything youâve been through together. If thereâs love and respect, anything is possible. And of course, being honest with each other.â
âHm, I agree,â Minho tells her, nodding, his arm still around you. âRespect is really important though. Keeping your promises, not walking out on people, not treating them as pawns in your little games, thinking about others⊠All this relates to the respect you feel for the other person.â
His words are like daggers, and you want to cry but canât make a scene. All of these things are things he clearly holds against you. The truth is, Minho has every right to be angry with you. You made a promise and broke it, you did use him as a pawn, and you arenât really thinking about others, not even now. Youâd tell him you were through with the plan if you were really thinking about whatâs best for your ex. The elevator ride seems like the longest one in your lifeâthereâs just no end to it.Â
âYes, honesty is key, Minho,â she glares at him before giving him a cocky smirk, and you suddenly realize she thinks he cheated on you. She thinks you donât know and is trying to get him to admit it to you. Does Seoyoon really want to cause a scene here? Why?
âYeah, honesty is vital, but I tell my girlfriend everything,â Minho quips with a smirk of his own, his arm still around you. âBabe, Seoyoon and I left the party together earlier.â
She gasps and you donât even flinch. Youâre not sure why sheâs acting so shocked when sheâs been hinting at it this entire ride. Seoyoon probably wanted to make Minho sweat and admit this to you later, so you can argue in private.Â
Suddenly, the elevator stops on your floor, but none of you leaveâyouâre staring at Minho, heâs staring at you, and Seoyoon is probably staring at the guy sheâs just fucked behind your backâor so she thinks. Not a classy thing for the mother of the bride to do, but who are you to talk about class? What you came here to do is the lowest of low.Â
âBut, nothing happened because my dick doesnât work if I feel like Iâm cheating,â he admits while looking straight into your eyes. So they tried and it didnât happen. You know heâs telling the truth only because he said he felt like he was cheating, and not that he was cheating. This isnât for show, this isnât to save this fake relationshipâheâs talking about you two for real. âDespite that, Seoyoon insisted I tell you since she thinks itâs fair. I think so too. Now, letâs go talk about it in private.â
You donât say a word to the woman who, on the one hand, tried to do the right thing, but on the other hand, tried to make everything go up in flames for you and your fake boyfriend. You follow Minho out of the elevator without a word, trying to process what has just happenedâbetween them, between you two.
Minho leads you to your hotel room in complete silence and you let him come inside. Clearly, he doesnât want to go to his room and sleep without talking it out with you, and you donât exactly want the night to end on such a sour note either. Youâre just not sure where to start.
if you want to support my writing, you can buy me a coffee here and let me know what you think about it here. thank you! âĄ
The day at the pool is a planned activity, but Minho and you find something better to do.
âą pairing: minho x fem!reader
âą word count: 7.1k
âą genre: smut, angst, non-idol!au, fake dating!au, exes to lovers!au, unrequited love, love triangle, exboyfriend!minho, ex!best friend chan
âą warnings: 18+, minors dni! mentions of a group of people being immature pricks, fear of water; drinking, drunk sex, smut [groping, handjob, fingering, tit sucking, oral sex (m. and f. receiving), protected sex, use of the word slut (the mc uses it for both of them), one tit smack, cum on body]
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When you thought about what the trip will be like, never once did it occur to you that youâd find yourself in the pool with Minho, surrounded by people, and see him not care about anyone or anything else. You didnât think heâd go swimming, period, let alone look this relaxed doing it.
But then again, you two have been flirting for a while now, joking around and pretending other people exist, so him forgetting about his fear doesnât surprise you at all.Â
Out of the blue, some of Chrisâs friends start swimming around you, spraying each other with water and trying to hold each otherâs heads underwater. Itâs a stupid, childish thing, and you canât believe grown men are acting this way and getting everyone else around them wet.
Chris soon joins them, and it seems like theyâre drunk because theyâre spraying water everywhere and getting other people involved, laughing as they do. It could be fun, maybe, but itâs not fun when you worry about Minho and his fear of water.
Even poor Sunyoung gets her head underwater, but she emerges laughing and spraying her soon-to-be husband. âScrew you, guys!â she shouts, and you almost laugh at them being idiots, but then you remember this is Minhoâs worst fear.
Judging by the small groupâs moving pattern, theyâll soon reach your part of the pool and probably wonât even ask before deciding to have âfunâ with the two of you.
âMinho, itâs time to get wet!â Chris jokingly shouts, still too far away to notice how Minho frantically grabs your hand underwater and intertwines his fingers with yours, holding onto you tight.Â
âDonât think so!â you shout back and stand right in front of Minho, wrapping your arms around his neck so you can jump up and wrap your legs around his waist. The very next second, youâre in his arms and heâs helping hold you up, the water doing most of the work.
Your ex is surprised by you climbing on top of him but canât even express it out of fearâyou can read it all on his face. Itâs been years, but you still know how Minho feels just by looking at him. The fact that heâs doing this for you even though heâs scared just reminds you of the things Jisung told you, and you instantly feel like the worst person out there. This guy shouldnât be out here in fear just to indulge your stupid little whim.
âIt's fine,â you whisper at Minho, which makes him look at your lips and close his eyes for a second as if he's trying to agree with you without saying a word. âI promise.â
Your ex hums and opens his eyes, sighing loudly. His arms hold onto you tight, fingers digging into the skin of your thighs as he holds you up.
Chris shouts something at you in return, but youâre too busy looking into Minhoâs eyes to even register it, and you donât care about their childish game enough to turn around and face the groom. âMaybe later,â you say, raising your voice just a little bit. âWeâre busy now.â
Minho doesnât say a thing for a while, focused solely on your eyes, even though his gaze does fly over your shoulder here and there to check where the group is and whether anyone's coming over to try to pull you two below the surface.
âWhat are you doing?â Minho asks as soon as the three men move back to their side of the pool. âYouâre supposed to be convincing the guy youâre miserable with me, not the opposite.â
You chuckle, throwing your head back, your limbs still wrapped around his body tightly. Itâs a relief that heâs not angry or scaredâafter everything, heâs here worrying about your plan. âI kind of enjoy being carried around. Plus, this is a good workout for you.â
âYou do know youâre a lot lighter in the water, right?â Minho reminds you and grimaces at you, but you laugh that off, too.
âI know. Iâm saving you from people and letting you enjoy your pool time,â you whisper, leaning in. You feel your lips brush against his ear in the process, and your core clenches at the touch for some reason, even though the moment isnât intimate. âYou donât have to carry me, though, that part is a joke.â
âNo, itâs fine,â Minho tells you, grabbing your thighs to lift you a bit before he wraps his arms around you and pulls you into his frame. Youâre now so close your noses are practically touching, and you havenât been in a position like this since the last time you two kissed. âFewer people will bother us if they think weâre a couple doing coupley things.â
âIâm sorry about this,â you tell him, ignoring the last part. You donât want to think about all the things that come up in your mind when he says that. âI didnât think theyâre such kids.â
âPretty, werenât they always?â Minho squints his eyes and glares at you, knowing he has a point. âYouâre always surprised when your man acts childish like he hasnât been that way since you met him.â
âYou⊠Actually have a point,â you admit with a shrug. âYouâre right.â
âGod, I love hearing you say that,â Minho says with a loud groan, similar to the ones he lets out when heâs comingâand if anyone knows what that sounds like, itâs you. Why youâre thinking about that, you have no idea.
âLetâs have another drink,â you suggest, hoping that will take your mind off of things you shouldnât be thinking about while youâre in his arms.
When Minho agrees, you two wave a waiter over and soon get the drinks that you gulp down almost instantly. Itâs because you need courage if youâre going to make the trip worth his while. Jisung has made a good job of getting inside your head and making you question your relationship with his friend.
Throughout the whole thing, you stay in his arms, legs wrapped around his waist, drink in hand. Minho and you talk and giggle, tease each other constantly, and you enjoy every second of it. Being around him is so easy when youâre not putting up a fight or overthinking things, and today just reminds you of that. He carries you around while you drink, and everyone leaves you two be, which is how you prefer it.
âYou should drink more often,â Minho suggests with a grin, downing the shot he ordered with the latest round of cocktails. It has to be the last one because you will pass out if you have any more drinks other than the one already in your hand.
âWhy, because Iâm on you when I do?â You down your drink and place the glass on the edge of the pool, arms once again free to wrap around his shoulders.
Your ex stops moving and looks at you for a second or two, inspecting your face thoroughly. Then, he smiles. âNo, because you laugh loudly and smile all the time, and youâre even prettier then, pretty.â
âAw, are you getting soft on me?â You fake pout and pinch his cheeks, to which he scoffs and puts his shot glass down by the edge of the pool.
âTrust me, thereâs nothing soft about me right now,â he says teasingly and tongues his cheek, and you know exactly what Minho means. âIâm not saying it because of that, though, but because you need to be more confident.â
âIâm way more confident now than I was back then,â you point out, happy with your progress. Youâre never going to be on Minhoâs level of confidence, youâre sure of that, but you feel better about yourself than you did back in college, and that's something.
âThe only reason you werenât confident back then was that asshole,â Minho mumbles and glares at Chris, who is jumping in at the other side of the pool, far away from you in Minhoâs arms.
âWhat do you mean?â You laugh at the very idea of Chris having anything to do with your low self-esteem back then. The truth is, youâd been single for a long time and you thought your value as a person was low because you couldnât find a great person to date. Of course, when you grew a bit olderâand wiser, you like to thinkâyou realized that being single had nothing to do with someone not being good enough. Chris had nothing to do with your distorted sense of self.
âI mean⊠He made you think you werenât good enough,â Minho says, sounding fully convinced in the truthfulness of his statement. âAnd you were even more than that.â
You have to disagree with him. âHe didnât say anything like thatâŠâ
Minho shakes his head and pulls you in closer, so close your chests are now touching. âReally? Chris didnât constantly remind you that I fucked around before we got together, that I had a lot of experience you didnât? He didnât warn you about me, telling you to be careful because so many,â he rolls his eyes while he mutters, âwomen wanted me and I had never been in a relationship before, and I could easily fuck one of them when you weren't around?â
When he says these things, you get taken back to the past and realize Minho is rightâChris did say them, but he was just trying to warn you. He didnât want you to get hurt, and that was your biggest fear. After all, you knew Minho was way out of your league. You looked okay, werenât stupid, could be fun, but he was gorgeous, smart, funny, and had such charisma that people just flocked to him, even back then.
Before you two got together, Minho had never been in a real relationship, never wanted to settle down with someone, so it surprised you that he wanted you two to try it. You knew he fucked more girls than you could count and they were all probably more experienced than you, better than you. These things weighed over you all the time, but you couldnât really blame Chris, even if he pointed them out often. âItâs my fault for believing these things.â
âIf Jisung was dating a girl he thought was too good for him, Iâd tell him no one was too good for him because heâs a great fucking guy,â Minho tells you with a smile, and you know he means it. âI wouldnât tell him she slept around before him and that sheâll probably do that again because so many hot guys want her. I wouldn't try to make him doubt himself so he could break things off with her. You wouldn't say that to a friend either. You should have listened to me instead.â
You should have.Â
Being with Minhoâphysicallyâwas always great for your self-esteem. Despite all the teasing and playfulness, you always got more compliments than you needed, and Minho made sure you knew he found you pretty and attractive and funny and interesting. Thatâs why he called you pretty in the first placeâthe first time he called you that, you were so moved you kissed him and said it was the sweetest thing anyone had told you. After that, it became like a new name to you, at least in his book.
âYouâre right about that,â you agree with him, even if you think Chris didnât have bad intentions. âBut Iâm over most of those problems now, anyway.â
âI can see,â he looks down at the way youâre wrapped around him, âand you should be. If you werenât pretending you were with me, trust me, all these guys would try something. Youâre too good for them, though.â
You scoff at that, even if you think everything he is saying is sweet and caused by the alcohol rushing through his system, plus the adrenaline of being in the water. âReally? Is it because Iâm such a moral person?â
Itâs Minhoâs turn to laugh heartily. âYouâre not in it to hurt other people, and thatâs whatâs important.â
Are you? You think about it for a second, but the last thing you want is to see Sunyoung or Chris hurt. You wanted to hate her, but itâs hard when sheâs such a sweet, nice person. Youâve met her last night, even danced with her, and she gushed all about her love for Chris. You couldnât hate her if you tried, that much was clear. Besides, your plan was fucked from the beginning.
âI guess Iâm softer than I thought,â you admit, not wanting to talk about Chris when youâre so confused about Minho to even think about the other dude. So, you change the topic back to something lighter and say, âUnlike you.â
âI thought you couldn't feel it,â Minho says and throws you towards the surface, enough for your crotch to move away from his erection and get pressed into his stomach instead. âMy bad.â
âYou thought I wouldnât feel a dick that hard between my legs?â You look at him questioningly before smirking. âHow drunk are you, Minho?â
âNot as drunk as the girl thatâs secretly been enjoying having my dick against her pussy for the last ten minutes,â he quips and downs the rest of his cocktail, even if heâs just had a shot. You're always surprised by how he can say the crudest things with the straightest face in public. âIs that what youâve been doing?â
âIâm in your arms, itâs right there, things happenâŠâ You shrug and lean backward, letting your back rest on the water while Minho holds you by the waist. âI didnât mind it.â
âDonât do this to me if you donât want to get fucked,â he hisses out a warning and chuckles.Â
Thatâs when you realize the position is extremely sexual for two people who have had sex a million times beforeâyour legs around him, your crotch against his, his hands on your waist, holding you pressed into him while your upper body floats. You hate sex in water, but if all these people werenât around, youâre sure Minho would make even that feel good.
âMaybe I do,â you say with a chuckle and open your eyes again to look up at Minho. Itâs up to him now. âSo what?â
With one quick move of his hands, Minho gets you to sit up and straighten your back, his arms once again around you, lips next to yours. âWhat are you doing, pretty?â
âOffering you sex, if youâre interested,â you respond and lean in to press your lips against his. You're at the pool and most of the wedding guests are there too, but you can't get yourself to care. For all they knowâincluding Chrisâyou two are a couple. You kiss and fuck and love each other, so this shouldnât be surprising.
Minho kisses you back, not letting himself get carried away before he pulls away and inspects your face from up close. âWhy?â
âBecause youâve been hard for a long time and itâs making me want to fuck you right here,â you admit, leaning in and biting on his lower lip. You'll never be immune to Minho, no matter how hard you try. Besides, why should you try? You want him, he's clearly hornyâwhat's stopping you? âWeâre both single, and you fuck so well, soâŠâ
Instead of saying something to your offer, your ex kisses you, this time using his tongue. The more it swirls inside of your mouth, the wetter you get, and the more you enjoy having him between your legs, long and hard, reminding you of whatâs to come if Minho is willing. You don't care about your surroundings and who can see youâall you're focused on is reciprocating the kiss and enjoying every second of it.
Minho grunts into your mouth and pushes his hips into yours, and you feel like you could come any second even if he hasnât even touched you yet. Fucking Minho and his perfect tongue and taste and smell and the way he touches you and how attractive his moans are and how well you know he fucâ
âGet a room!â one of the guys screams jokingly and sprays you two with water, but neither one of you moves.
Minho breaks the kiss and pulls away just enough for your lips to part, but you feel his breath on your face and see him looking at you with lust written all over his face. The guy is so pretty you canât stop staring, and he doesnât seem to mind.Â
âShall we?â you feel confident enough to suggest, even though he could turn you down easily.
âWhat?â Minho asks, even though youâre sure he knows what you mean. He's looking at you like he knows, and his fingers are once again holding your thighs from below, even if they are practically resting on your ass.
Still, you indulge him and say it out loud. âGet a room.â
âIs that my reward?â your ex suggests, the grin wiped off his face for some reason, jaw clenching.
You shake your head at the suggestion. âNo. I just want us to fuck. No rewards, no games.â
âIn that case, your room or mine?â
Ten minutes later, still wet from the pool, you're in Minho's room, pushed against the door while he kisses you, his hand roughly groping your tit before moving down to do the same with your ass. You're wearing a bikini, but his hands manage to get under it with ease and touch whatever part he wants.
âFuck, you're hard,â you mumble with both hands wrapped around his cock, which is leaking precum already. You swipe your thumb over the tip, making Minho hiss and bite into your shoulder, and it turns you on that he's so quick to show how much he likes your touch.
âSee what you do to me?â Minho grunts into your skin, and the words make you get wetter instantly. âSee how fucking hard you get me?â
You fucking love vocal men, and he's the one to blame for that. You enjoy hearing how horny you get someone and you bask in the sounds you get them to make all thanks to Minho and his filthy mouth which is currently kissing its way down your body.Â
He pushes your swimsuit to the side to get your tit out. Once Minho does that, his tongue starts swirling around it, and all you can do is pump your hands faster and moan for him. âSuck harder,â you tell him, squeezing the tip of his swollen cock. âWant your mouth on me.â
Minho chuckles and does as asked, sucking your nipple into his mouth, biting the flesh around it. When he lets go of it with a pop, you think you'll come right then and there because of the sight of his wet swollen lips right next to your nipple. âPretty, let's go get a condom,â he suggests, and you nod, even if you want to keep touching him for hours.
You follow him to the bed, sad that you two have to part while he looks for a condom in his drawer. But, while Minho is standing next to the bed and shuffling through the drawer, you drop down to your knees and pull his swim trunks down his thighs, taking his cock into your mouth, which stops him from moving.
He grunts and kicks his head back, hands grabbing your head and pushing it towards him, making you take all of him. When you do, you swallow on purpose, and he moans. âYou really want me to blow before I get to fuck you,â he mutters happily and continues searching for the condom. âNot gonna happen because I want to be in you so bad.â
You keep sucking but are pulled up on your feet and thrown on the bed a second later. When you get on all fours, Minho pulls your swimming suit down your ass, exposing your soaking cunt to him. âSo fucking horny today,â he mumbles, sticking a finger inside of you, both of you hissing when it just slides in. It gets drenched on the first try, and you can almost hear it move. âAw, did Chris turn you on that much?â
âStop talking about him,â you tell the man who now has two fingers up your pussy and is scissoring you open with them. âHe didn't have his dick between my legs for half of the day, did he?â
Minho chuckles and puts the condom on. While he does that, he leans in and starts licking you up and down, careful to suck and slurp and make as much noise as possible to get you to moan and melt. âMinho, please,â is all you need to say to get him to pull away and put his dick in you.
You moan when you feel the stretch, the familiar burn of the dick you know every inch of, the slight stinging and overwhelming feeling of relief when something hard finally touches your walls. âMinho!â
âFinally,â he grunts to himself and starts moving, hips smacking into yours from the get-go. âSo goodââ
Minho keeps fucking you roughly, both of you unable to speak. There's not much you can tell him when he's giving you exactly what you wantâgood sex, the type that leaves you breathless. Each thrust fills you up with pleasure, makes your toes curl, makes you moan and grunt. Even though he seems to be more put together than you, Minho is grunting just as much. âSo tight,â he tells you in between thrusts. âTight little cunt⊠Wet just for me.â
âYes, Minho⊠Fuck⊠Just for you.â
You've missed fucking him this way, missed having his hands on you like this, grabbing any body part they can reach while his hips push into yours from behind roughly. Minho still knows just how much you can take without it getting painful.
You're tipsy and horny, which means you are more than fine with rough sex, and he's deliveringâevery move is sharp and quick, cock buried inside of you deeply, thighs smacking into yours.
Being emotional all day made you drink, and that made you want to be close to Minho, which is why you're now fully enjoying the experience. âHarder, Minho, please!â
âHarder?â He giggles, sounding out of breath. âYou really need a good fuck, huh?â
âJust had one recently,â you manage to mumble, still not over the sex you two had before coming here, the time that made you think of him more.
Minho laughs happily and smacks your ass. âSure you can take it harder?â he checks again, hands now on your waist.
âI want you to fuck me so hard I can't think of anything else.â A simple plea, one that he's heard from you many times before and always managed to deliver. âI don't want to think⊠Just want you.â
It's true. Right now, you don't care about Chris or the wedding or Jisung or anyone elseâall you want is to get these frustrations out through sex with Minho. You wish he was on top of you so you could look at him, kiss him, so he could see what he's doing to you.
âThen get comfortable and hold on tight,â your ex instructs you gently and waits for you to grip the sheets and spread your legs to find a stable position, one that won't have you lurching forward with every thrust.
When you do, his cock makes you see stars. It's kind of funny how Minho's cock isn't anything special, technically speaking. There are bigger, longer, thicker dicks out there, yet his always manages to rub your g-spot, always makes your eyes water because it feels so deep, always pries your walls open, no matter how much they clench around it.
âFuck yes, just like that,â he hums to himself, probably enjoying the view on top of the feeling of being in you.Â
He pushes into you hard with a loud smack which almost throws you forward and onto the bed. But, Minho's strong hands are holding you just below the waist, fingers digging into the skin, so he pulls you back onto his cock instantly. It's just back and forth, his dick rubbing your walls quickly, beautifully.
âMhm, baby.â A smack of his hips makes you moan. âSuch a good dick.â Smack. Your toes curl, pussy dripping for him. âWant to have it all the time.â Smack, smack, smack.
âYeah? Want to let me fuck whenever?â Minho's voice is so low you just know he's seconds away from grunting and coming if he lets himself.
You hum again, trying to clench around him, but it's hard to do that when he's pistoning into you. Smack, smack, smack, the sound so delicious you want your ex to keep going forever.
âYeah, just youââ Smack, smack. âIt's your pussy anyway.âÂ
Smack, smack, smack until you can't say a thing anymore because you're too busy crying out from pleasure, all because you've told him something he loves hearing. Minho has never been jealous or possessiveâyou've found out to what extent just recentlyâbut when you two slept together or fooled around, he loved hearing you say that you were his, that your body was his, that he could have it whenever he felt like it. If the timing was right, hearing you were his could make him blow unexpectedly.
You know these little things about him just like he does about you. So, you're not surprised in the slightest that he knows exactly how to move to make you scream. You're not surprised by your constant moaning, by the fact your mouth is open and you're drooling over his bed, by the fact you're dripping wet. The whole hotel can probably hear you getting fucked stupid, but you don't care about any of that.
âTake dick so well,â you hear him mutter, voice laced with pleasure, âmy sweet little pussy⊠Mine,â smack, âmine,â smack, âmine! Right?â
âYes! Yours, babyââ
âOnly I get to make a mess out of it, hm?â
Everything he says goes straight to your head, makes you moan louder, makes you relax your muscles and enjoy the throbbing cock inside of you. You feel wet and swollen but so satisfied at the same time, even if you haven't come yetâit's fast approaching, your abs clenching and releasing.
âYes, Minho, only you,â you agree, nodding even though your head is pressed into the mattress and he can't even see it. âPlease, don't stop, babyâ Please, justâfuck!âkeep going!â
Minho knows you well so he recognizes all the signs of you getting fucked out of your mind, of you getting lost in pleasure, on the brink of coming.
âYou're gonna come like this, pretty?â Minho sounds surprised because you find it easier to come with clitoral stimulation. Today, it doesn't seem necessary.
âYes, yes, just moveââ
He hums happily, clearly happy about the fact youâre enjoying this more than he expected you to. Minho recovers quickly and keeps muttering at you, hissing every now and then,âLet me feel you come, come on. Show me how much you wanted this dickâŠâ
It's stupid that those are the words that get you going, but that's what happens. You come around Minhoâs cock, letting your shoulders collapse on the mattress, fingers gnawing at the sheets while he keeps pistoning into you.Â
âYeah, baby, just like that, squeeze it hard,â he tells you through hard thrusts and gritted teeth. âNever want to pull out.â
While you are trying to calm down, Minho keeps fucking you, but his hand reaches for you and pets your head as he leans over so he can look at you. âGood fucking girl⊠So good. Came so hard for me, huh?â
âMhm,â you hum in agreement, practically purring with pleasureâhis cock is so satisfying, but his touch is making you want to melt. You're not sure how he manages to fuck so hard and be so gentle at the same time, but that's just a Minho thing, one that other men in your life haven't been able to figure out. âJust for you. You make me come so hard every time, MinhoâŠâ
You suddenly realize that you want to look at him. Sex is great either wayâat least with Minhoâbut looking at him makes it even better. So, you tell him to stop which makes him freeze in place and stay buried inside of you. You shimmy your hips until his cock falls out of you and then you turn around to face him, still on your knees. âLie down, handsome.â
âWhat for?â Minho asks, grinning at you as you lean in and wrap your arms around his shoulders and pull him in for a long, wet, horny kiss.
âLet me fuck you,â you say sweetly, pulling him onto the bed.
Minho lets you push him around, make him lie on the bed, and straddle himâall with a smirk on his face. The smirk turns into a pleasure-filled frown when you sit down on his cock and clamp around it hard, fingers dragging across his chest, leaving red marks in their wake. âWant to see all the pretty faces this pussy makes you pull,â you tell him teasingly, knowing it will fuck with him. âSo fucking pretty.â
Minho groans loudly and spreads his legs, allowing you to sit onto his cock comfortably and start moving forward and back, gently swaying your hips. âI love it when you act like thatâŠâ
âLike what?â you ask even though you know what he means. You reach back and grab his balls, squeezing and rolling them around your palm, which makes Minhoâs eyes roll to the back of his head.
âLike you know how fucking good you are at this, pretty,â he suggests, licking his lips, and his words make you ride him harder, make you want to rub all over him until he comes hard for you. âBecause you really are.â
âMaybe I do,â you tease, biting your lip and starting to move even faster, acting like you're in a porn video made just for the guy lying under you. You know what he likes and have no problem giving it to him.
Minho groans and asks, âDo you say things like that to other men?â His hands move to your tits and squeeze them, but his eyes stay focused on your face.
You grimace at the idea of being this open with anyone else and start moving your hips in circles instead, getting to feel him rub you in a new way.
âDidn't think so,â your ex grins, realizing he still knows you well.
âI can't be this open with anyone⊠That's why I love fucking you, Minho.â By this point, you're moving faster, squeezing him with every circle of your hips.Â
This keeps him grunting, and he closes his eyes, Adam's apple bobbing as he swallows thickly. âWhy is that?â
âYou've fucked me more times than I can count⊠You've licked and sucked every inch of me.â You mean every word of it. You two have done it all and thereâs just no shame involved, no embarrassment about asking for something you wantâthings just happen, and nothing seems out of place.
Minho's eyes snap open and he smirks at you. âAnd I'd do it again. Want you to sit on my face for hours.â
You giggle, starting to move up and down while your hand moves to his lips. A finger pushes inside his mouth, and Minho lets you run it across his tongue. âSee? You're a slut for me, so I don't mind being one for you. In fact, I love that I can act as slutty as I want just for you. I can tell you all the nasty things you need to hear to blow your load, baby.â
His hips jolt upwards into you, making you hiss. You pull your finger out of his mouth and bring it down to your nipple, wetting it, enjoying the way his eyes follow your every move.
âOh my God, keep going,â Minho urges, hands grabbing your ass, eyes looking up at you. âYou just get hotter and hotter. When we first met, you couldn't even say cunt without blushing.â
You laugh at that, even though you'd still have a hard time saying it in front of some guy you barely know. Minho is a whole different storyâhe taught you everything, anyway. âThat's true⊠But now I can tell you I want your tongue up my cunt before you fuck it hard and shoot your load into it.â Minho moans so loud and long you think he's filling the condom up. âYou like me better that way, don't you?â
Minho smacks your tit before he pinches your nipple somewhat softly. âI like you either way, pretty. Liked you when you needed the lights turned off to fuck me, like you now that you can ride me completely naked in broad daylight and act like a dirty slut.â
You think you could come just from the things he's saying and the way he's looking at you, but you're focused on his pleasure alone, which is why you're moving fast, careful to sit on his cock fully. âThat's because in either case, I end up fucking you.â
Minho nods happily, his face getting sweaty and red, and you think heâs never looked hotter than he does now. âMore than that, but that will do,â he says, not caring to explain further. âJust a bit more, pretty⊠Iâm close.â
âYeah?â You chuckle and start moving faster, happy to hear Minho is enjoying it as much as you are. âGonna come for me, baby?â
You know the pet name does things to him. Even if you didnât, it would be obvious from the way his hands squeeze your tits or how his eyes squint as he smirks. âMhm⊠Wish I could do it in you.â
âI know you do,â you whisper, leaning in to kiss him, sticking your tongue out to tease his lips. It gets Minho to chase you, which makes you giggle again, hips still smacking onto his. âYou wish you could finish inside me every time.â
His compliments and looks are getting to your head, making you feel overly confident, making you feel like you're both crazy about each other, which is why youâre saying all these things. You donât know if Minho wishes he could come inside of you today, let alone every time, but youâre not thinking straight.
However, your ex seems to be on the same page because he agrees with you. âThat's because I know you get a little stupid when someone makes you come hard. You'd let me do whatever I wanted after a good fuck,â he says, making a good point. You were always so whipped for the guy, willing to try whatever he wanted after heâd make you come time and time again. âYouâd definitely let me fill you up.â
âSo confident,â you chuckle and lean in again, whispering, âI mean, you have every reason to be, but still⊠Confident.â
Minho scoffs and grabs your waist, pulls you onto his torso. Then, he flips over with you on top of him, getting you on your back with his dick still in you. The sudden change makes you even hornier, especially since he is taking control and getting on top and putting an end to your teasing, which means he is almost ready to come.Â
âDo I need to teach you a lesson again?â Minho grunts against your lips but doesnât give you the kiss you lean in for. âIs that what you want?â
Your pussy clenches at the idea of Minho's lessonsâthey always ended with both of you satisfied in every way possible. âNo. Just want to see you come for me⊠Want to make you feel good, baby⊠Show you how much I like you fucking me.â
Your admission makes Minho go hard on you, hips moving back and slamming into you, cock entering you fully, pussy squelching with every thrust. âYeah? Whose is it?â
You wrap your arms and legs around your ex and pull him into your frame, his hips still crashing into yours. âItâs your pussy, Minho, just yoursââ
âJust mine, hm?â He sounds elated when he whispers the words, eyes zeroing in on your expression as you grimace and grunt. Heâs fucking you so hard you canât even tease anymore, even though you want to. Minho always enjoys teasing, but youâre too fucking horny for it.
âOnly you get to fuck it like this.â It's not a lieâyou never have sex like this, never have this much fun, never want to let a man do whatever he wants to youâunless you're with him.
âShit, pretty, you're so fucking hot,â he mumbles before burying his head in the crook of your neck, and you realize heâs done for. âI want to fill up your cunt just once⊠Show you it's really mine.â
The idea sounds so good you want to let him do it. If there's a guy you trust completely, it's Minho. But, not today. âMaybe I'll let you sometime⊠After you fuck me stupid,â you suggest, to which he nods against your skin and keeps grunting lowly, cock still entering you at a steady pace. âYou're right, you're so good Iâd let you do whatever, baby, you have no ideaâŠâ
At this point, his thrusts are shallow, and you know he's about to come. Instead of filling the condom up, Minho pulls out while panting a hasty, âCan I do it all over you?â The condom gets thrown to the side.
You nod and spread your legs wide while grabbing your tits for him, sticking your tongue out. It's definitely one of your sluttiest moments, but it's also one of the hottest ones. Having a guy as handsome as Minho kneel over you with his thick dick in hand, jerking himself off for you, is a whole experience in itself. âPretty, fuck!â he moans, eyes rolling back, lip caught between his teeth. âFuck, Iâllâahhh!â
Suddenly, cum sprays all over you, from pubic bone to neck, and you keep talking for him, knowing thatâs what Minho needs. âYeah, baby, give it to me⊠Want your cum all over me. Show me whose is it.â
You're bucking your hips into nothing, moaning while you watch him jerk off onto you, and you kind of donât want it to end. Eventually, it does, when thereâs nothing he can squeeze out of his dick, when all the cum has landed on your body, painting it white. When he's done, Minho collapses next to you, head sweaty, hair stuck to his face, breathing heavily.
You lie there for a while, not feeling strong enough to get up and clean yourself upâyour entire body is still sore and turned on, buzzing with pleasure, your mind processing what has just happened. Minho seems to be on the same wavelength, except his hand is on you and he's rubbing cum all over your tits and stomach, playing with it absentmindedly. It all feels so warm and welcoming, familiar, and you wonder why.
So, you ask, âMinho, can I ask you something?â
âShoot, pretty,â he says, sounding half asleep, as always after an orgasm. His eyes are closed, but heâs still touching you softly.
âWhy did you decide to date me back then? You neverâ You didn't date that much before me.â Youâre not sure why this is important to you, but you want to know. All the talk about your past made you wonder about that too, about how you never quite understood why he chose you, about how he was always a bit too good for you.
âUhmâŠâ Your ex hums while he thinks about your question, pointer finger dragging his cum over your nipple, making it pebble again. âI did date before you, but never like that. I guess you made me feel things other people didn't.â
âLike what?â Your voice quivers for no reasonâyouâre not afraid or nervous or tired. Maybe itâs the old insecurities creeping back up now that youâre talking about you two, about the only real relationship youâve had. Heâs definitely the only man youâve loved like that.
âLike⊠You cared about me. I fucked around a lot, but I never really had someone who cared the way you did, checked up on me, was gentle with me. So I started caring for you and there was no way back, I guess.â Minho makes it sound so easy, as always, and it sounds natural. You two just cared for each other, and that made him want to be with you.
âI did care about you a lot,â you admit, years too late.
âI know you did,â he says and gives your tit a light squeeze, which would make you chuckle if you werenât lost in all the thoughts about your relationship. âI did too.â
You donât say anything for a while, but a question has been bothering you ever since you reconnected with Minho, ever since he walked into that bar and made you think of all the good times. âDo you think it's normal to have these feelings years after it ended?â
âAre you talking about Chrââ
You cut him off quickly, not even wanting to think about the guy while youâre lying in your exâs bed naked, covered in his cum, which heâs dragging around your tits with his fingers. Not a good time for thoughts about the groom. âUs. Me.â
Minho sighs and rolls over on his back, joining you in staring at the ceiling. You miss the warmth of his hand on your chest but donât say a thing. âI⊠I don't know. Do other people go through it?â
âDo you?â Thatâs what youâre more interested in hereâfuck other people and how they feel.
âMe? Of course I do. Youâ I⊠I do, with you.âÂ
You turn to the side to face Minho because you canât not look at him after heâs admitted to that. He looks almost angelic with his hair all wet from sweat, his cheeks flushed with color, plush lips slightly open.
When you two look at each other, your ex smiles. âPretty, you're drunk and sad that he's getting married, and we've just had some⊠fucking amazing sex. You'll feel a lot of things. Don't get carried away.â
It's a warning that says don't care about me, we're just exes who are fucking. And itâs true. One ex is here to win someone else over and the other has never gotten closure, which led you to his bed. That's all there is to it, and Minho has spelled it out for you.
if you want to support my writing, you can buy me a coffee here and let me know what you think about it here. thank you! âĄ
A call from Minho's friend changes the course of your day for both of you.
âą pairing: minho x fem!reader
âą word count: 8.1k
âą genre: smut, angst, non-idol!au, fake dating!au, exes to lovers!au, unrequited love, love triangle, exboyfriend!minho, ex!best friend chan
âą warnings: mentions of sexual activities, mentions of a group of people being immature pricks, fear of water; minho's and the mc's pov; jisung is the friend we all deserve!
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if you want to support my writing, you can buy me a coffee here and let me know what you think about it here. thank you! âĄ
Minhoâs day starts on the wrong foot. In fact, every day has been like this ever since he realized youâre actually going through with this plan. Heâs still surprised this is what you want to do, but he no longer has a say in any of this. He could have stopped you back at the bar, he could have stopped you at any point after, or at least tried. Or, Minho could have just told you he wouldnât be playing along with your plan. He could have stayed back home and just thought about what was going on and whether you were all alone, going through with this insanity.Â
Even if your heart was broken when you two broke up, you at least had Chris by your side back then, no matter how much Minho despises the idea. If you get your heart broken this week, youâll have no one. Well, youâll have him now, even if your ex doesnât want you to even try to ruin the wedding and mess shit up for everyone involved.Â
The first day here was not eventfulâyou arrived, checked in, and went for a walk. After that, you had dinner with everyone at the restaurant, which meant you two talked to a couple of people who were seated at your table. After dinner, you were allowed to mingle, which is when you separated. The truth is, someoneâs grandma was looking for a dance partner and you said Minho was great, so he took her for a spin or two. A line to be his dance partner formed, and he didnât have the heart to turn any of the sweet old ladies down, so he danced a lot.
You did too, just not with him. Maybe you knew history might repeat itself and that you might end up going back home with him. Maybe you just wanted to be around Chris more. Whatever it was, you two didnât dance, and you went to bed earlier than he did, kissing his cheek before going up to your room alone.Â
So, nothing eventful happened even if the day was very eye-opening. For the longest time, he thought you broke up with him for Chris. You were always by his side and then realized Minho wasnât what you wanted when the guy you wanted to be with was right there with you, so you dumped him and moved along. In Minhoâs head, you had fucked Chris the second you two broke up and you two just didnât take things further.Â
So, hearing you tell him about this chance you and Chris had and turning it down because you werenât over him awoke something in him, something that made it difficult for Minho to fall asleep last night, something that made him think that maybe he made a mistake too. He shouldnât have stopped calling. Clearly, you and Chris didnât stand a chance even back then, but you two⊠Maybe you did.Â
This day started off wrong because he barely got any sleep last night, courtesy of memories and regret. Today is a bit different, though. Hours after he finally falls asleep, Minho is woken up by a phone call at the crack of dawn. Naturally, he sat up in bed and picked up, hoping it isnât an emergency, hoping his family and friends are safe.
âHave I died?â Jisung asks, his tone giving off his annoyance. âIs this my personal brand of hell? Is this what Satan has planned for me all along? Is this shit the burden I have to carry for not making that ex orgasm back in college? Is it, Minho!?â
Minho is not surprised in the slightest by his friendâs dramatism, but he is confused as to what has caused it and why he has to hear about it right now. âYou havenât died, but you will if you keep waking me up this early to be a drama queen,â heâs quick to tease, scoffing. But, Minho is already awake so he might as well talk to Jisung. âWhat is going on?â
âPlease, tell me youâre not actually accompanying the devil herself to this wedding!â his best friend shouts, letting his feelings be known from the start. âWhat the hell, man?â
Ah, Han Jisung, Minhoâs best friend and your mortal enemy. Nobody was annoyed with you more than Jisung, even after the breakup when Minho was supposed to hate you. His best friend did it all for himâJisung skipped the stages of grief until he got to anger and simply stayed there on Minhoâs behalf, seething with anger whenever youâd get mentioned.
âThe devil herself!â Minho snickers at the nickname he hasnât heard in years, remembering the exact place he heard it firstâa dingy little coffee place Jisung took him to get him out of his apartment for the first time in days. âArenât you being a tad too dramatic?â
âDramatic!?â Jisung raises his voice, and Minho hopes the fool is at home and not somewhere in public where people can hear him. âThe sheer amount of energy I had to spend to get you to even talk to me about the breakup is unreal. I wonât even mention how hard I had to fight to get you to go outside, come out partying with us, and go back to normal. This girl broke your heart back then. It took me a long time to help you get back to life pre-devil, and youâre still not there yet.â
Minho has always been thankful for Jisungâs friendship. He is the friend who knows about all his secrets, including you. The friends heâs made later in college or at work arenât aware of the effect you had on young Minhoâs life, which is why Jisung simply knows him best. Still, heâs wrong about this. âPlease, Iâm doing fiââ
âOh, shut up!â Jisung interrupts, showing his annoyance. The guy really canât fake anything, which is why Minho loves himâusually. âIf you were doing fine, youâd be with some nice girl on a romantic getaway getting your brains fucked out, not being a fake date as a favor to your ex who broke up with you over the guy whose wedding youâre attending.âÂ
When Jisung puts it like that, it does all sound irrational and strange and kind of pathetic, like heâs still stuck in the post-breakup period. It sounds like a soap opera where heâs the loser who follows the main character around. But, Minho is not admitting to that. âAnd how do you know all of that, nosy?â
The thing is, Minho didnât tell Jisung or his other friends where he was going just because he wanted to avoid this conversation. He decided to tell them once he got back home. It was also very weird to explain to someone else, so he just said he got an offer to be a plus one to someoneâs wedding and was taking it for the free booze. You were not mentioned.
His best friend giggles, seemingly happy with himself. âYou were avoiding my calls, so I asked your mom.â
Of course, Jisung always finds a way, even when Minho hates it. He makes a mental note to himself to talk to his mom about her soft spot for his best friend. âOkay, so yeah, weâre here for Chrisâs wedding, but Iâm not helping her with anything. In fact, sheâs here to win him over, so Iâm kind of watching her fail.â
âGod, so sheâs still into that dude!?â Jisung once again scoffs in annoyance, and Minho feels the same way about the whole thing. What does Chris even have to offer, other than being a nice guy? From Minhoâs perspective, after everything, he thinks even that is questionable. âFirst of all, who even goes to a wedding to crash it? Dick move. Send a text, call the dude, show up at his place, do all of that.â
Minho hums, wholeheartedly agreeing. That is what he told you back then at the bar, offered you so many ways out of this, yet you chose to go through with the worst plan of them all.
Jisung continues, still clearly angry about everything heâs learned. âSecond of all, who the fuck goes along with this plan just to get closer to their ex who doesnât give a shit about them?â He pauses just to groan out of frustration. âJust so you know, Minho, Iâm blaming you here. I expect this of the devil, but I didnât think youâd be such a fool.â
The words kind of hurt, Minho canât lie, but heâs not going to let it show. He is an idiot for saying yes to this, and he knows it. Heâs learned some new things, though, things that make him feel better about the relationship you two used to have. At the same time, they also make him feel worse. But, itâs all in the past now. âIâm not here to get closer to her. Like Iâve said, Iâm here to watch her fail.â
âMinho, cut the bullshit!â Jisung says sternly. âIâm sure youâre not there to do that. If you were, youâd actually have to be happy about watching her fail and be miserable, and you canât do that.â
The truth does have a way of getting to you, so Minho just sighs and stays silent for a while. He wouldnât be happy to see you hurt, that much is true. In fact, thatâs his reason for accompanying you here. âOkay, youâre right, Iâm not going to be happy if she gets hurt, what do you want me to say?â
âI donât want you to say anything. All I want is for you to get on a fucking plane and come home. Meet someone else,â he says as if thatâs so easy to do, as if there are a million versions of you out there. Maybe there are, but the chemistry is rarely there. Even if there is, their personalities donât mix well, so it all fails. âThere are tons of women whoâd kill for a fraction of the attention youâre giving to this person whoâs never appreciated you.â
âYouâre being a bit too harsh now,â Minho warns his friend, immediately realizing that heâs taking your side again when there are no sides. Why should he defend you? âWe had a nice time when we were together, and things just didnât work out. I got hurt because I didnât think weâd ever break up, but that oneâs on me.â
âYou were a great boyfriend, and she just gave up on you for no reason,â Jisung points out, reminding Minho of how terrible it all seemed back then. After all, Jisung is the one who helped him heal after he was dumped out of the blue, so he remembers every detail. âYeah, you had nice times, but you were hurt over her. Was she hurt over you or did she run into this jerkâs arms? And I just know those arms were open because that dude was waiting for the breakup to happen.â
âWell, you won't believe it, but I found out she rejected him because of me after we broke up,â Minho delivers the news to his friend, hating the fact that his mouth is turning upwards into a smirk. He shouldnât be happy about thisâitâs not a âwinâ or anything like that. âHe tried something, but she was too hurt over the breakup to do it. So, I guess it wasnât just me.â
âShe could have fucking called then!â Jisung simply adds, glossing over Minhoâs news. âItâs not like you were doing anything better at the time. You called her after every single fight. The first time you donât call, you two break up. Anyway, itâs in the past. I donât want her to start messing with you again.â
âNobodyâs messing with me,â Minho laughs, endeared by his friendâs worry, âIâm having an okay time, and it will be over soon.â
âJust donât do anything stupid! I know you get dumb around her,â Jisung warns before changing the topic to something that happened at work, making Minho sigh with relief. Itâs easier to follow this conversation, easier to come up with a realtor, easier to have fun talking to Jisung when heâs not feeling so dumb for being here in the first place.
As if the ribbing he gets from his best friend isnât enough, Minho walks down to the breakfast room to find out that todayâs hangout event is happening by the pool.Â
Bonus: there would be just a couple of people because most of the guests were going on a jet-ski trip, which sounded like his personal brand of hell. Granted, the pool thing doesnât sound that good either, but anything is better than the possibility of falling off a jet ski into the open sea.
As expected, the hangout is just another opportunity for Chris to show off his amazing body and swimming skills while Minho stays on his sunbed, drinks a cocktail, and reads a book, hoping to God nobody is going to force him to go into the pool. Swimming isnât his strong suit and he is just afraid of it, always preferring the mountains over the sea anyway. Swimming is overrated.
You, of course, spend most of your time in the pool, talking to Chris. Even when you two arenât swimming or jumping in, you are chatting to each other, giggling about something, and having fun with some of his friends. At this point, Minho canât be more annoyed even if he tries.
Here he is, pretending to be your boyfriend, sitting on a lounge chair, sipping on a cocktail, and reading a book when heâs in fact been stuck on the same page for an hour because he keeps sneaking glances your way, and youâhis fake girlfriendâdonât even notice him.
For some reason, he wants you badly today. Maybe itâs because youâve let your hair down or because you sound so pretty when you laugh or because the conversation with his friend had the opposite of the intended effect. All it did was make Minho reminisce about the time you spent together and how much he actually enjoyed being with you, even though he kind of hated college and most people around him and all the studying.
You were definitely one of the best parts of his college experience. Even when Minho was stressed or worn out, heâd come to your place and get lost in your body, forgetting all about the bad day heâs had. Thatâs just how you made him feel. Your kisses and touches had the power to wipe away his worries, to make time stop for a while, to allow him to focus only on you, which is something he missed.
Not many things nowadays made Minho feel that, sadly, which is why heâs now staring at you from across the pool and wishing youâd pay attention to him for just a minute or two so he wouldnât feel as shitty as he does.Â
Itâs as if God is answering his prayers but in all the wrong waysâa lady sits down on the lounger right next to his and nods at him. Everything about her looks expensive, from her swimsuit and the jewelry sheâs wearing to the strong perfume that suddenly engulfs him. The lady is definitely older than him by far, but she could compete with women his age because of her good looks and the way she carries herself.
âI donât think anyone has introduced me to you yet,â she tells Minho as she checks him out, being rather obvious about it. âWhat a shame.â
He laughs at their straightforwardness and nods. âIndeed,â he sits up and offers the lady his hand to shake. âMinho.â
âSeoyoon.â She shakes his hand firmly like she means it. âSo, Minho, why are you all alone over here? All the other young people are having fun and you seem to be⊠lonely.â
Minho likes to think he knows women well and can figure them out quickly. Because of this, he just has a feeling Seoyoon wants him. In fact, it seems like sheâs not even trying to hide it. If he wanted to, he could tell her his room number, and just go upstairs. Sheâd show up, theyâd fuck around, and heâd spend an afternoon having funâas opposed to sitting around and waiting for you to talk to him.
But, does Minho want to? Heâs already gotten himself in a lot more shit than he ever planned. âIâd much rather stay in the shade than jump around the pool. But, my girlfriend is in there, so Iâm keeping an eye on her.â
Seoyoonâs expression changes, but the smirk is still plastered across her pretty face. âIf I were her, I wouldnât leave a guy like you alone,â she adds with a grin before lying down in the chair. âIâm guessing youâre here on the groomâs side. I havenât seen you before.â
âYes,â Minho agrees, but quickly corrects himself. âWell, my girlfriend is.â Thatâs what you are, for intents and purposes of this tripâhis. Why arenât you acting like it? âAnd you?â
âIâm the brideâs mother.â Oh, wow. Good thing Minho didnât invite Seoyoon anywhere and think with his dick. Otherwise, it would be very clear your ârelationshipâ is a sham. âI thought you were one of Chrisâs friends who didnât bring a plus oneâŠâ She lets her voice trail off as she eyes him again, eyebrow slowly raising. So, Sunyoungâs mom thought Minho was single when she walked over and started flirting. Interesting. âMy bad.â
âI see why youâd think that,â Minho admits, laughing at his own misery. âI am mostly alone, but sheâs the only person I know here and sheâs been dying to catch up with Chris, soâŠâ He spreads his arms and looks at his cocktail. âIâm on vacation, so I can drink in peace, at least.â
âI hear you, Minho,â Seoyoon tells him, lifting her cocktail glass towards his. âWhich one of these ladies is the lucky one?â
Oh, she definitely wants him. A part of Minho thinks that sheâd be down to go up to his room even though heâs told her heâs with you. But, it would be icky to sleep with Chrisâs mother-in-law, no matter how much Minho feels like the guy deserves it. Instantly, he thinks of a scenario: a double date with the newlyweds, only his date is Seoyoon. Chris would fucking lose it.
Minho stops thinking about it and describes the swimsuit youâre wearing, which makes it easier for Seoyoon to find you. When she does, she nods and hums knowingly, glancing at him again. âYou have good taste.â
âRight?â He laughs, looking at you for a second or two, during which you actually notice him and wave, grinning at your fake boyfriend. You sneak a glance at his new companion and smile at her too. Polite as always. No hint of jealousy in you, none whatsoever. âI lucked out.â
She hums in agreement before asking, âHave you been together for a long time?âÂ
Since Seoyoon is clearly determined to know more, Minho turns to face her. âThis time around, no. But we were together back in college.â Thereâs no fake story here, but he has no problem coming up with something that will make you look good here.
âOh, tell me more!â She nods enthusiastically.Â
âHow much time do you have?â he asks, wondering if sheâs actually interested in this fake relationship or if sheâs just trying to see whether sheâll manage to get into her pants.Â
âWant another cocktail?â Seoyoon offers while turning on her side so she can look right at him while he speaks. âI have all day.â
Minho has no problem reminiscing about your shared past, so he gives her all the details, withholding the information about what a scumbag Chris used to be. Heâs not here to ruin his relationship with his mother-in-law, no matter how much the guy has it coming. Minho talks about how happy you used to make him and how terrible it was to lose you.
After that, he explains how interesting it is to have you in his life again. He doesnât want to push it too muchâyouâre pretending to be together, but you are telling people you are not that happy. You want Chris to think he has a chance but also be jealous of you two and your relationship, so Minho has to tread lightly and be smart about it.Â
âItâs so nice to hear that something that happened a long time ago when you were young can still feel real,â Seoyoon says once he finishes, smiling at him warmly. âIt would be beautiful if you two worked out, especially because of your history.â
âIt would,â Minho agrees but suddenly remembers his purpose here. âI do think itâs more of a one-sided thing nowadays, if I can be honest.â
Seoyoon coos at him, patting his thigh, which she definitely shouldnât be doing by the pool to a taken guy. But, Minho ignores it because he knows she means no harm. âI think you just think that. Maybe itâs the fear because she broke up with you back then.â
âYou think so?â
She grins. âYeah⊠Sheâs been looking over every couple of minutes, keeping an eye on you.â
A while later, Seoyoonâs friend comes to find her, dragging her away from Minho to go be the mother of the bride and meet even more people. Suddenly, heâs left alone, a couple of cocktails in, and his gaze finds you quickly. Youâre now talking to Chris again, but Minho notices you looking at him every once in a while, which makes him feel a bit better. At least you didnât forget he was here for you.
The alone time he shares with his third cocktail of the day doesnât last longâthe bride-to-be sits down next to him, plopping on the sunbed with a giggle.
âMinho, right?â Sunyoung greets him politely, and he nods. âIâm sorry, Iâve met a lot of people this week, Iâm doing my best to keep up with everyone and get to know people.â
âDonât worry, Sunyoung,â he says, clearing his throat and pretending to go back to reading. âItâs a big week, after all.â
âI hope you donât mind me saying this, butâŠâ she starts, and Minho just knows itâs going to be something weird. Did she notice you two arenât together? Does she see the way youâre throwing herself at her future husband and the way Minho is letting it happen? She says your name and sighs. âI think itâs lovely, actually, the way you look at her.â
âUh, uh, uh, sorry?â Minhoâs kind of lost and flustered, unable to form a proper sentence. What does that mean?
âI just, Iâve been sitting next to the bar and just watching people, and I see you canât take your eyes off of her,â Sunyoung stresses the word as she throws a glance your way. Minho does the same and finds you looking at him with a smirk. Be good, your glare tells him. âAnd I think itâs adorable. Chris told me you two dated back in college and that things didnât work out, even though he was sure they would. What Iâm trying to say is, itâs nice to see love win, I guess.â
âUh⊠Thank you,â he tells her with a nod, unsure of how to proceed. Rich of Chris to pretend he thought you and Minho would work out when he was the one who made sure you didnât. Asshole. âI guess it really does. You never know where life will take you.â
âCan I tell you something embarrassing?â Sunyoung lowers her voice and scoots closer to him so others canât overhear.
âI was kind of scared when I heard she was coming,â Sunyoung confides in him with a frown. âI feel so bad for thinking it, but I was afraid theyâd realize there was some chemistry there or something. I know they had a thing for each other back in the day, and all that, and sometimes feelings lie dormant, and you donât realize it until you see the person again, and all that. But now that I see you two together and the two of them together, I feel bad for ever worrying in the first place. Some things are just obvious.â
Minho now feels bad. Sunyoung seems like a really sweet girl who also happens to be very insightfulâshe just doesnât realize how much. He doesnât want to lie to her, but, he canât say anything to her, either. If Chris and you both have feelings for each other, neither Minho nor Sunyoung can stop you two nor should they try.Â
âDonât feel bad for thinking it,â he says, trying to sound reassuring. âI think everyone would feel that way in your situation, and itâs completely normal.â
âDid you?â Sunyoung throws the ball in his court, leaving him flustered once again. Minho has to lie to her now, even though he could use a bit of his real feelings to sound more honest.
âI wish I could say I didnât,â he admits. Why lie at this point? He can just omit certain parts that would help her see the bigger picture. âBut, donât sweat about it too much, really. They were friends, nothing more. They never acted on it or turned it into something more, even though they had years to do it. That means something, right? Iâm sure what you two have is a lot more real than that. Youâre about to get married, after all.â
Sunyoung suddenly sniffles and pats Minhoâs hand, her eyes welling up with tears. âGod, Iâm sorry, I've been so emotional all week. Thanks for saying that,â she explains before laughing at herself. âI need to get a grip! Want a mimosa?â
Your day starts off terribly, too. You wake up early and decide to go for a walk on the beach, get some fresh air, and be there before anyone else, feeling the need to be outside all alone.Â
For a minute or two, you wonder if you should wake Minho up and ask him to come with you, but you decide against it. Is he really the type to go out on a walk at 6 am with an ex? Maybe, but you arenât going to push your luck, so you go out aloneâMinho is already doing too much for you.
Of course, as luck would have it, you run into the lovebirds on the beach, kissing and watching the sunrise wrapped up in blankets. It looks like theyâve been there all night. The two probably went late night swimming and ended up letting the ocean lull them to sleep.Â
You turn on your heel and go the other way, not wanting them to know you saw them, not wanting to ruin their romantic moment. The whole scene is like something out of a rom-com and not real life, at least in your opinion. But then again, you are more practical of a personâyouâd rather stay inside and get railed on every surface of the apartment than do it on a beach and have sand up your ass all day. Plus, the number of mosquitoes on such a warm night has to be terrifying.Â
After a long walk, you return to the hotel, wondering what Sunyoung wanted you all to be doing today. You feel a bit better after a long, cold shower, but a familiar voice coming from an unknown number manages to ruin that too.Â
âHan Jisung,â you scoff the second the man in question shouts your name. You havenât heard his voice in years, but youâd recognize it anywhere. âLovely to hear from you.â
âOh, please,â he snickers, âletâs not pretend.â
âGood to know youâre still stuck in the past,â you mumble, unable to help yourself. Jisung has always had something against you and he didnât really try to keep it a secret.
âMe?â he asks, sounding annoyed. âIâm not the one dragging my ex to the wedding of the one that got away. Thatâs you and your drama. What do you think this is, My Best Friend's Wedding? You know very well Minho is not about to break into a song, not even for you.â
The reference doesnât go unnoticed, especially since it is something you thought about yourself, so you snicker, âAnd how is that your problem, exactly?â
âYou do know how that movie ends, right?â Jisung reminds you so happily. âI really hope you do.â
âGood thing Iâm not there to try to ruin the wedding then,â you lie through your teeth, but the guy is already onto you.
âHm⊠You havenât spoken to Minho in a long time and now, all of a sudden, you want him to be your date for Chrisâs wedding?â He pauses for a second like he is taking time to think. âI smell bullshit. Youâre either trying to act like youâre living your best life with someone he hates or youâre there to try to fuck shit up. Either way, you could have left my friend out of it.â
Jisung has always been smart, too, you have to give him that. Still, since you have nothing to do with Minho, you don't have to tolerate his friend anymore, thankfully. âOnce again, how is that your problem?â
âIf it involves my friend, it is my problem. I canât believe youâre still using him for your personal drama. Did you just refuse to grow since college or what?â
âYouâre being rude, Han,â you say sternly, not wanting to take his words to heart. âMinho said he wanted to come. Iâm not holding him here against his will.â
âOf course he said he wanted to come!â Jisung shouts as if it were all so obvious. âYou broke the guyâs heart back then, so much that he gave up on dating for the longest time. You went running to fucking Chris any chance you could, and when it didnât work, you found your way back to Minho to waste his time some more. Why canât you just let this guy be?â
Itâs like a slap in the face, but even that would hurt less than someone calling you out on your shit. You are sure it all did seem that way from someone elseâs perspective and that Jisung has every right to feel protective of his friend. You did treat Minho badly back then, it was true. Every fight lead to you wanting some âtime aloneâ and then going to Chris to bitch about your boyfriend.
But, you did love Minho, too, even if Jisung doesnât understand it. You loved him a lot, and the breakup hurt you too. âIâm sorry you feel that way, Han,â you finally say, unable to come up with anything more useful. âIâm not using Minho, trust me. Heâs here because he wants to be.â
âHeâs there because he wants to be with you,â Jisung quips, shutting you up instantly. âHe doesnât have to say it for either of us to know itâs true, right? So, like it or not, youâre using the weak spot he has for you for your personal gain. Itâs time to stop. Find someone else to follow you around like a puppy at Chrisâs wedding, hm? Thatâs all you fucking want anyway. Iâm sure you have your options, youâre a pretty woman. No need to drag Minho into all of this, again.â
With that, Minhoâs best friend hands up, leaving you to feel like shit even more than you already have.Â
And then, you go down to the pool just to realize Minho wonât be the doting fake boyfriend you need him to be because he hates swimming and shows no interest in getting in on his own. Still mulling over his friendâs words, you decide not to bother Minho, not to be selfish and ask him to go into the pool with you, not to make him even more miserable.
Instead, you hang out with Chris. However, the more you talk to him, the more you realize the wedding and his life with Sunyoung are the manâs only topics. It is hard to get to know him better, see if you two still see eye to eye on important stuff when his life revolves around this wedding and his life with Sunyoung.
Thankfully, some of his friends are there, so you can steer the conversation some other way and joke around, not take life too seriously for a while. Your gaze does fly to your ex quite a lot, so much that Chris teases you, âSheâs ready to mingle, so Iâd keep an eye on her if I were you!â
You look at the woman sitting next to Minho and giggling at him. He is a funny guy, but the way sheâs leaning towards him as he laughs tells you this woman definitely wants to fuck him. Anyone can see it, so youâre not surprised Chris has noticed it too. âHe could say the same about us,â you remind him, to which you both chuckle.
âThatâs Sunyoungâs mom,â he explains. âSheâs already warned Sunyoung she might have some fun while here if you get what I mean. I donât think she knows Minho is taken, though, so donât hold it against her.â
âItâs fine,â you say, still looking at Minho and the way he laughs while explaining something to the woman next to him. âIf that makes him happier, thereâs not much I can do.â
A while later, youâre no longer talking to Chris but are hanging out with some of your mutual friends from back in the day. Youâre kind of bored, so seeing Sunyoung approach Minho and the two of them getting along well catches your attention. Heâs not going to get into the pool unless someone begs him to, but heâs still sitting there, lounging around because you asked him to. Maybe Jisung was right.Â
âShould we be worried?â Chris approaches you from behind and joins you in resting your hands on the poolâs frame, looking in their direction. Heâs joking, you can hear it in his voice.
âThe only thing we should be worried about is them drinking this much before lunchtime,â you joke back, feeling a pang in your chest.Â
None of it makes sense. Chris thinks youâre with Minho, but he doesnât seem to care. Is it because he thinks thereâs no hope for you two or because heâs completely disinterested? And why do you care if Sunyoung touches Minhoâs hand when she laughs? Why do you care if her mother is openly hitting on him and he seems to be liking it? He has every right to go for it.
âAh, let them have fun,â he waves it off, âshe doesnât feel like swimming now, we swam half the night.â
âYou did?â you ask, pretending you didnât catch them hugging this morning.
âOh, yes!â Chris nods, a grin suddenly changing his expression to one you can only describe as happy. âWe do it back home too, spend nights outdoors, go late-night swimming, camping, stuff like that.â
All of your pet peeves rolled into one. Nice. âOh, cool. Iâm glad youâre enjoying yourself!â you say with a sigh, wondering if youâd ever go out on an outing like that. âI still prefer to be indoors or just walk.â
âThatâs why you and Minho are the perfect match,â he adds. âYou two always preferred staying inside and being together over going out on fun adventures.â
âYouâre right,â you agree, even though you two are not a couple and definitely not a perfect one. You do, however, have a lot in common.Â
So, you get out and sit on his lounger, making him move to the side to make room for you. âWhatâs up?â he asks, sipping on his cocktail through a straw and glaring at you. âLovebirds making you sick?â
âI caught them making out at the beach at 6 am this morning,â you inform him for some reason. You donât know why you felt the need to share that with him, but a part of you knows your ex will hate the idea too. Maybe you just want to test how well you know each other. âThe horror.â
âYikes,â he chuckles, taking another sip, âI think people just shouldnât kiss before they brush their teeth. Anyone can miss me with that shit.â
âMinho, weâre the same person,â you joke, making both of you chuckle. That really is trueâyou two never kissed before you brushed, even if it meant getting out of bed and then coming back for morning cuddles. âAre you bored?â
âDo I not look like Iâm having the time of my life?â Minho asks, placing a hand over his mouth sarcastically. âOh no.â
âYou look like youâre very hot,â you say as you move in to wipe the sweat off his brow. He looks almost surprised that youâre touching him that way. After all, he isnât yours to touch, no matter how much youâre pretending. âAre you not?â
Minho breathes out, his breath fanning your face, smelling of lime and mint of his cocktail. âWhat do you think?â Heâs suddenly dangerously close to you, even though youâre the one who leaned in to wipe his face. Your knuckles get rid of the beads of sweat along his hairline before you pull away.
Itâs hot today, too hot to be outside. Minho has been sitting in the shade, but that doesnât help as much as water would. Plus, heâs been drinking. âWant to go in?â
âYou know I hate swimming,â heâs quick to turn your suggestion down with a sigh. Even though youâre no longer touching him, your faces are still close.
âI do, but we donât have to swim,â you offer, feeling bad about watching Minho sweat because of you and your selfish little plan. He should be in his room or something, chilling under the AC, and not here in the sun so he can be a prop in this stupid plan of yours. âWe can just sit on the stairs and get you a bit wet. Just so youâre not boiling out here. I know you hate places like this.â
âRemind me why Iâm here once again,â your ex grunts at you and shakes his head.Â
âBecause you want your reward,â you quip, winking at him. Youâre not sure whatâs gotten into you, but youâre definitely flirting with himâthere was no need for you to say that.Â
Minho licks his lips and grins at you before he scoffs. âDesperate times, huh?â
You shrug, not thinking much of his teasing. If youâre desperate for saying yes to it, Minho is desperate for offering it in the first place, which makes you even. Equally as desperate, if you will. âNothing desperate about good sex, if you ask me. So, are you coming in?â
Youâve taken Minho to the beach once around other people, wanting him to get to know your friends better. It ended up being a bad experience for him since your friends pushed him into the sea, unaware that he hated swimming. Still, he didnât want anyone to know he was bad at it so he didnât say a word, even if he drank a lot of saltwater and coughed the entire night.
If you remember correctly, Chan was there that day too. But, you didnât even think about him back then, too preoccupied with your boyfriend and how sour things turned. That night, Minho made you promise him youâd never make him go to the beach with your friends again.Â
So, you understand his reluctance to go into the pool, especially around tipsy people who might not think someone could actually be afraid of getting in.
âI promise no one is going to push you in or anything like that,â you say, lowering your voice, not wanting anyone to overhear. âI just want you to have a good time because youâre stuck here. Because of me.â
âYou didnât make me come,â Minho shakes his head before smirking. âOther than that one time back at my place, but we agreed not to talk aboââ
âPlease!â You laugh, rolling your eyes. His words do make your body react, your mind instantly going back to the night you spent with him, the chemistry that didnât seem to die even after years of separation, and that mouth of his that could make you climax whenever he felt like it. âLetâs go.â
You donât take no for an answer, and Minho seems to know that since he gets up and follows you without a word. His cap is on backward and he has sunglasses on, but that doesnât hide the look of terror on his face as someone sprays you two with water as you approach the pool.Â
âKnock it off,â you growl at Chrisâs friend, instantly reaching back to grab Minhoâs hand like youâre afraid of him spraying you. âIâm not afraid to do a cannonball.â
The guy laughs and swims away, leaving you two alone, which doesnât seem to ease Minhoâs nerves. Slowly, you two make it down the pool steps, one by one until the water reaches his waist, and he hesitates. Youâre still holding hands, but everyone thinks youâre together anyway, so itâs not a big deal. If it helps him, you would hold his hand all day.
âWant to go back and sit on the first step?â you suggest when you realize Minho doesnât want to get in any further than this but is too ashamed to turn back.
âNo,â he tells you with a sigh. âLetâs just move to the side so I can keep holding onto the wall.â
Thatâs exactly what he does, surprising you and going in to chest level, stopping there and just resting against the wall. Itâs like he has something to prove to someone, but youâre not sure if itâs you or someone else.Â
âHappy?â Minho asks you with a glare, but you can tell the waterâs doing him good. He doesnât look as red in the face as he did earlier, even if he does seem a bit exhausted, judging by the bags under his eyes.
âYup,â you grin and rest your elbows on the pool wall, fluttering your legs while Minho stands right next to you. âIsnât this better than being hot outside?â
âIâm always hot,â he tries to joke, but it fails.
âYou are, but you know what I mean,â you say, instantly shutting Minho up. âLet me go get us our drinks.â
Minho panics a bit when you move away but stays in the same spot, hand outside of the pool, holding onto the marble edge so nothing happens. Nothing will happen, but you know itâs an irrational fear and heâs doing a lot by even going in. You approach him from the back, placing the drinks right next to his hand before easing your body into the pool and joining him.Â
âDo you hate it here that much?â you ask after a while when you realize heâs still grumpy even though the water is doing a great job at cooling him down. You didnât really think things through when you invited him here. An island getaway seems like his worst nightmare, mostly because of the planned activities on the beach or by the pool.
âOh, canât believe you took time off from staring at Chris to notice,â he mumbles but quickly laughs. âItâs not that bad. Iâm learning that Iâm a magnet for older women, apparently.â
âOh, really?â You take a sip of your drink, wondering if Minho has been using his charms here already, if his night was filled with hot sex while you spent yours alone, wondering what could have been. Why wouldnât he? Heâs young, single, and pretty hornyâwedding getaways are the perfect place for a man like him. âGood for you. Not one person has hit on me during this entire trip. Iâm losing my mojo.â
âYou say that as if youâve ever had it.â Minho nudges you with a grin. âIâm joking! You have a boyfriend, remember?â
Oh. You forgot about all that. Still, itâs not like most men care if someone they like is single or not. They usually try and see if it works. âThat didnât stop those older womenâŠâ
âWhat do they have to lose?â Minho shrugs and takes a sip of his cocktail. âBesides, youâre lying. I have been hitting on you all the time.â
âJokingly,â you point out, even though hearing him say that does something for your egoâit always has.
Minho scoffs and shakes his head. âYou think Iâm joking.â
âYouâre not?â Suddenly, it feels like you two are the only people at the pool, like everyone else has disappeared, and all you can hear is your heartbeat and Minhoâs giggle.Â
âPretty, we have the best sex,â he reminds you proudly, and you know heâs right. âWhy would I be joking about that?â
Once again, youâre reminded that this is all about sex because you have made it out to be. Youâve said yes to his reward, you slept with him after the first time youâve met him in private, and youâve been joking about the reward. What else did you expect him to say? âWe do, donât we?â
Minho hums lowly and kicks his head back, his elbows resting on the pool wall. âI know youâre not a fan of compliments,â he lowers his voice so no one hears the rest of his statement, âif youâre not in bed, but sex with you is out of this world.â
Itâs a completely sexual thing, but youâre touched by it, mostly because itâs the first time youâve received a compliment like that. Coming from someone like Minho, you know he means it, and that means a lotâheâs always been the more experienced one.
âI have a compliment for you too,â you whisper, stepping right in front of him. It seems like Minho has forgotten all about being in the water and hating it because his eyes are focused on you and you alone. âYouâre still the best sex Iâve ever had.â
He tries to suppress a smile but failsâhis lips quiver into a cocky smirk, one that you know and love. âItâs all about balance, and we have it.â
âWhat do you mean?â
âI mean⊠If you were too pliant and sweet and caring throughout the whole thing, I wouldnât find it enjoyable. But, if you were too bratty all the fucking time, it wouldnât feel as⊠fulfilling. Youâre a mix of both.â
âHm,â you hum and lean in to whisper into his ear, noticing how he gets goosebumps when your lips brush against the shell of it. âThatâs because you like me to fight you every step of the way until itâs time for you to come,â you explain your view of the situation. Thatâs how you always saw it at leastâMinho loves the bickering while you two fuck until he starts getting close to coming. âThatâs when you want to hear how well youâre doing. Right, baby?â
You move away from him with a grin, and Minho looks to the side, scoffing but clearly amused. âAre you trying to get me hard in front of everyone?â
âOh, how hot,â you tease and move away, smirking at him shamelessly.
âWhatâs gotten into you today?â he mumbles to himself and takes another sip of his drink, but you can tell Minho is enjoying the banter. So are you. Donât you always?
if you want to support my writing, you can buy me a coffee here and let me know what you think about it here. thank you! âĄ
You remember some things about your relationship with Minho, things youâve forgotten along the way, but you canât let them derail your plan.
âą pairing: minho x fem!reader
âą word count: 6.5k
âą genre: smut, angst, non-idol!au, fake dating!au, exes to lovers!au, unrequited love, love triangle, exboyfriend!minho, ex!best friend chan
âą warnings: mentions of sexual activities; minho's character dislikes swimming/waterâit's a fictional thing and will tie into the story later, it has nothing to do with him as a real person, i don't know the man âïž
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if you want to support my writing, you can buy me a coffee here and let me know what you think about it here. thank you! âĄ
Five days before the wedding, you meet Minho at the airport with your tickets in hand. He refused to let you pay for them after all, joking about getting his reward while youâre on the island. Well, at least you think heâs joking, but you never know with him.
As always, Minho looks dashing, even when dressed casually. The loose white button-up shirt he's wearing doesn't reveal much, except a small piece of his chest, yet you notice women glancing his way. Maybe it's the chest, maybe it's the pretty face, or maybe it's the tight-fitting shorts. Whatever the case may be, nothing about the guy lets on heâs accompanying his crazy ex on a trip sheâs taking to ruin someoneâs wedding.
Well, nothing other than his smirk and nasty mouth. âWell, look at you!â he greets you happily, taking a moment to check you out from head to toe. âDressed to kill. Or should I stay, dressed to steal.â
You roll your eyes at the backhanded compliment and pull your dress a bit down to cover your thighs, which just exposes more of your cleavage to him. However, you canât really care about that, not after sleeping with the man. âPlease,â you scoff, âyouâre a lot funnier when you drink.â
âI think you like me a lot better when drunk, yeah,â Minho snickers, alluding to the fact youâve slept with him the last time you saw him, which was mere days ago. Embarrassing. He takes your luggage from you and lets you lead the way to the check-in desk while he pulls both yours and his luggage. Always the gentleman, even when he's teasing. "It seemed like it the other night."
Despite everything that happened, Minho decided to come with you and he didn't mention the night you spent together until the airport, which is probably a record for someone who liked to tease as much as he does. "Please, having sex with you doesn't mean I like you," you spit the words at him with a fake glare, but he sees right through you.
Of course he doesâMinho knows you through and through. Whatever lie you tell him, he sees through it, figures out exactly what you're trying to hide. In this case, it's the fact that you do like him, always have, even if you two bicker and argue and don't really see eye to eye on things. What's there not to like? The man is sex incarnate. The worst part about it? Your ex is aware of the fact, painfully so. "Sure, having sex doesn't mean that," he catches up with you, walking side by side, his head turning to the side so you don't miss his cocky smirk, "but coming to my place for a quickie and leaving five hours later sure does. Not to mention all the things you let me do to you."
Your walls clench around thin air at his comment because your mind instantly takes you back to the comfort of his warm bed, to his safe arms around you, to you on his lap, riding him while he kissed you, to that tongue of his all over you, licking every inch he could reach, to his diâ "Still sex," you say, stopping yourself from thinking about that while on your way to stop a fucking wedding.
Minho is completely right, though. You spent half of the night in his bed and snuck out around 3 am, the walk of shame long and painful, bringing a lot of unwarranted thoughts and guilt. You canât go around saying Chris is the one for you and try to ruin his wedding but then hook up with your ex the first chance you get. Itâs childish and makes you seem immature, undetermined, and thatâs the last thing you are. Or are you?Â
"Fine, you don't have to like me," your ex giggles with a shrug, "but you love my dick, and you can't deny that."
"That's what you think," you contradict him, even if the man is right and you both know it. You're pretty sure you've told him that time and time again while you rode him.
Minho stops walking, so you do the same. You two stare at each other challengingly before he leans in. "Oh. So you're saying you're fine with never getting this dick again?" Thankfully, he's lowered his voice, so no one can hear this vulgar question and see you struggle with the right response. Are you fine with never touching your ex again? He sure knows how to touch you right. A cocked-up eyebrow and the smirk on his face let you know Minho already knows the answer. "That's what I thought."
The one thing youâre sure of is that Chris will not like Minho being here, which is exactly why he is here with you. He knows youâre bringing a plus one, but you didnât give him a name nor did Chris ask for it. Itâs a boyfriend, you told him, and Chris sounded taken aback, but he didnât comment on it.
You worried for nothing, you realize when you walk out of the airport with your luggage in hand and see Chris running towards you happily, a puppy grin plastered across his face. He looks better than he used to, you have to admit. Heâs grown into his nose and heâs put on some weight, which suits him. In fact, he looks bigger now, more defined, and youâre sure he puts a lot of effort into looking that good.
Your friendâs hair is a bit longer and black, slightly curled, and it makes him look younger and cuter, as it always did. Heâs just as gorgeous as you remember, and your heart flutters when you see him, all the memories you two share instantly coming back.
âOh my God, look at you!â he shouts when heâs close enough for you to hear him, spreading his arms wide. Chris hugs you like he always doesâa bear hug, soft and warm, holding you closer a lot longer than necessary. During the hug, you realize he smells fantastic. Sadly, the whole thing doesnât last as long as you want it to. You want to stay close to him longer so you can get all those feelings back.
Chris is all smiles when he finally faces you, hands on your shoulders as he takes your face in. âIâm so happy youâve made it! Itâs been ages!â Even though youâve both changed with the years, it seems like time stood still.
Minho clears his throat from somewhere behind you, ruining your reconnection moment and bringing you both back to reality. You shoot him a glance over your shoulder, but not before you notice how Christopherâs face frowns the second he realizes who you brought along.
âOh, Minho!â He nods, clearing his throat too. Chris being Chris, he never wants to let his true feelings show on his face, especially if theyâre not nice, so he offers your ex a hand to shake. âDidnât know youâd be coming.â
âThe sacrifices we make for our girlfriends, right?â Minho chuckles lowly, patting your shoulder. A pat, really? Heâs forgetting youâre supposed to be his girlfriend and not some acquaintance heâs just run into. But, you canât really say anything since Chris is right there.
Chris drops you off at the hotel, telling you he has to go pick up some other guests at the pier. âI canât wait to sit down and talk to you,â he tells you while he hands Minho your luggage. âWe have so much to catch up on.â
âIâm sure you do,â your fake boyfriend mumbles under his breath. You hear him loud and clear and feel a sudden need to kick him in the shin, but you donât. Instead, you smile at Chris.
He looks at your ex with a half-smirk. âIâm sorry, I didnât catch that.â
For a moment, you think Minho is going to repeat what heâs just said. You think he might bring up something he shouldnât, he might let his true feeling for your friend show. Chris has been talking only to you during the ride, explaining Sunyoungâs plans and asking you about the trip there, completely ignoring your âboyfriendâ who was sitting in the back.
If you two were really together, it would have been wildly inappropriate. But, you arenât, and both Minho and you know that, so you donât understand the sour face. Instead of ruining things and being his snarky self, Minho fakes a smile. âI said, thanks for the ride, man.â
âYouâre welcome,â Chris says and smiles. âAnyway, Iâm sorry I canât show you around the place and help you check in,â he turns to face you again, this time with a real smile on his face, âbut weâll talk later.â
âDonât worry about it, weâll figure it out,â you reassure him.Â
âYeah, sheâs in good hands,â Minho adds with the fakest smile youâve seen, his arm sneaking around your waist, pulling you into his warm frame. âWe have it from here.â
Chris smiles and says his goodbyes before he jumps in the car and drives away. You two watch him leave and then look at each other. âWhat an ass,â he mumbles, letting the hotel staff take your luggage from him.Â
âStop,â you roll your eyes and start walking up the stairs. You knew they wouldnât get along, so this is all expected.
Minho catches up with you and grabs your ass as you two walk up to the hotel, some lady on the side chuckling at it. âWhat are you doing?â you ask under your breath, following him inside.
âPlaying the role of a boyfriend who canât wait to get his hands on you,â your ex explains, taking his sunglasses off. âIsnât that why Iâm here?â
You nod, realizing he is right. You signed up for all of this and dragged him into this whole mess, so you play along and smack his ass right back, which makes him chuckle. âI think it would work better if you didnât look like you wanted to kill me when you do it.
You two chuckle at each other and walk over to the reception, no awkwardness between you despite it all. Youâre thankful Chris has left since it means he won't hear you and Minho requesting separate rooms, as agreed. Heâd definitely find that weird.
The thing is, you really donât want to share a room with Minho in case he brings someone home, which is highly probable knowing him. Youâre not jealous, but you still donât need to hear it, is all. You donât really think youâre going to be bringing Chris to the room. In fact, the thought hadnât even occurred to you.
Once you get to your room and take a long shower, you have nothing to do other than sit and think about what youâre doing here. You havenât met Sunyoung yet, but based on what Chris said, sheâs the sweetest, liveliest person out there, and youâll have a great time talking to her.
But, Sunyoung is not what worries youâChris is. You expected all those feelings to creep back up when you saw him, and they kind of did. You felt happy seeing him, you wanted to keep hugging him, and you definitely do miss talking to him. But, the conversation youâve had wasnât private nor personalâMinho and you just listened to Chrisâs retelling of the plans and asked a question here and there.
For a while, you wonder if you should just give up on this idea. Even back then, you chickened out every time you were about to admit your feelings to him. It was either too soon, or you were too worried youâd fuck up, or he was going out of town to visit his parents. Something was always up, and you never got the chance.
Then, you met Minho and things went in a different direction. After the breakup, it took you a while to get over the guy, even if you found him annoying, even if you two only ever argued as far as you remember. And soon enough, you were graduating and moving to the suburbs while Chris moved back home, causing you two to lose touch. The timing was never right, but if it were, you two would have been perfect.Â
If he gets married without you telling him all this, youâll spend a long time wondering if youâve made a mistake by staying quiet. Whatâs the worst that could happen? He can kick you out of the wedding. Youâre sure Minho will have a great time in that case. But, at least youâd know for sure and youâd be certain you did everything you could and tried to make it work.
Just when youâre wondering whether you should go check out the pool or have a drink, Minho texts.
Minho: want to go out for a walk or something?
You: i was thinking about going down to the pool. wanna come?
Minho: iâd rather die âïž see you later then
You chuckle at the text, instantly remembering just how much he dislikes swimming, especially around other people. He wouldnât go into the pool willingly, not unless he had a very good reason to. You did get him to go swimming with you, though. He even skinny-dipped with you once.
It was during your two-week visit to your family. Itâs funny to think about it now, but six days into the trip, Minho said he couldnât handle not seeing you for so long, so he rented a car and drove to your hometown to see you. That night, you convinced him to go swimming with you, guaranteeing that it would just be the two of you and that you wouldnât force him to go in if he didnât feel like it.
Minho did end up going in, but only because you stripped naked and went in, luring him to join you. Since he really wanted to have sex with you in the sea, he followed you, and minutes later, your legs were wrapped around his waist as he thrust up into you and kissed you as if you two hadnât seen each other in years.Â
You couldnât blame himâyou were miserable the entire trip, hoping youâd get to make an excuse and go back to the city and be with him. Pathetic, now that you think about it.
An hour later, while you are having a cocktail by the pool and reminiscing about the past, Chris texts you and asks if youâd like to go for a walk by the sea, which is exactly what youâve been hoping for. You want to talk to him alone, want to hear how he feels about everything, want to see if heâs changed.Â
You meet him outside of the hotel, and your heart still kind of flutters when you see him, the feeling of having your friend close to you warming you from the inside. He really did use to be a best friend to you, someone you turned to whenever you were feeling bad. It meant a lot to have him there, so being close to Chris again feels calming. Isnât that what you should be looking for?
âThe beach is amazing, youâll love it,â Chris tells you as he guides you to it, and heâs rightâthe beach is pretty. The sun is slowly fading, so itâs not as hot, and thereâs a light breeze, which makes your walk very comfortable.Â
You stop walking for a second and enjoy the view, taking every single detail in, as you always do when you see something pretty. You could sit down on the beach and stare at the sea and the sky for hours without talking a single word to Chris or anyone else. But, your friend never was one to keep quiet. âItâs gorgeous, right? Sunyoung used to come here with her family all the time, so she took me too, and Iâve fallen in love with it. We decided this island is the best place to get married.â
âItâs really special,â you agree with a nod. âSo⊠Marriage, huh? When did we grow up?â
âI know!â He shakes his head, excitedly walking, as always, limbs moving around, practically skipping. âIt feels like school days happened just yesterday. But then again, a whole life happened in between then and now.â
âThatâs true. It was a long time ago,â you agree, thinking about his words. They make you think about what kind of life happened to you after school.Â
You work, you work out, have friends, but what else do you have going on? Are you happy? You havenât felt a real spark with someone since Minho days, and that was a long time ago. What happened the other night at his place was a one-time thing, so it didnât count as sparks, even if they were flying the entire night.
You want to think about it more because you get a weird feeling in your chest, but Chris continues. âIt sucks how people just⊠Grow apart. Iâm not that close with most of the people I hung out with back then. But, some of them will be here, so it will be a nice little reunion.â
âItâs strange to think about, right?â you ask, looking ahead at the beach. âAll of us used to be inseparable. I couldnât imagine life without going to your place and hanging out with you or without being around my roommate or even Minho, and yet⊠Here we are.â
âI guess thatâs life,â Chris shrugs, as relaxed as ever. âWhatâs the point of thinking about it? It just happens.â
His chill manner reminds you of how different you two really are. You, for one, can and will think about things like these for hours, talk about them, hear what others think, while Chris just registers them and moves on, especially if itâs some deeper question he canât find an answer to. He sees no point in dwelling on things he canât change or resolve, and you see them as a lesson.
You catch up on all the regular stuffâwork, family, friends, hobbies. It sounds like an awkward first date from where youâre standing, but itâs kind of funny. And then, Chris tells you about Sunyoung being the best thing thatâs happened to him, and you feel happy for him, even if you think you two would just work better, if the old days are anything to go by.
âAnd Minho, huh?â Chris asks, dropping the ball in your court and reminding you that youâve brought your ex here with you. Except he thinks Minho is your boyfriend.
âYeah,â you say, a bit taken aback. You didnât prepare any backstory with Minho the night you met, mostly because you spent it in his bed on your back, which is something you donât want to think about while you talk with Chrisâit feels wrong. It feels like cheating, but youâre not sure on which one of them. âUhm, yes⊠Minho.â
âIâm surprised to see you with him, that's all,â Chris admits, clearing his throat, leaving something unsaid. âNot that I have a problem with him.â
âI know youâve always hated him⊠I didnât get why,â you say, deciding to be honest too. You have five days to have a heart-to-heart conversation with him, so itâs best to start understanding whether this is all a mistake immediately.
âI⊠Itâs embarrassing, reallyâŠâ Chris chuckles, scratching the back of his head. âI donât hate him now, though, donât get me wrong. We just got off on the wrong foot.â
âTell me about it, I really want to know,â you encourage him but quickly realize youâre sounding too eager for someone whoâs in a relationship with the guy. âI mean, Iâm dating him, right? Weâre just starting to reconnect, though. It doesnât feel like heâs the one. It almost never does.â
Out of all those words, Chris seems to hear only two, which he quickly repeats, âAlmost never?â That brings you some kind of hope for all the wrong reasons.
âI used to think youâre the one,â you confess, omitting the part about still feeling that way. Youâll save that for another time instead of saying it the first time you see him, the first time you talk to him in private. He hasnât had a chance to realize what you already know.
âHuh.â Chris nods with a gulp, taking a while to think. âI did too. Thatâs actually why I didnât like Minho. In fact, I hated him.â
Oh, so thatâs why? You never got that impression from Chris. Instead, you felt like he was always just being protective over you because he thought Minho was going to dump you. To be fair, you felt that way tooâthe guy just seemed too good to be true.Â
As if this confession gives you some confidence, you ask, âWere you jealous?â
âAh⊠He does look great and heâs charming and funny, but it wasnât that.â Chris gulps before continuing, the soft breeze ruffling his curls, making him look even more angelic. âIt was the way he treated you. I could never even tell you how I felt, and Minho could, and he did it confidently. Once he confessed, he just acted like you were his and he wasnât afraid of it. He made it all about you. Yeah, you two jokingly argued all the time, but out of all the couples I knew, you two somehow seemed the closest.â
Chris felt that way? Somehow, itâs all news to you. You never thought anyone felt anything when seeing you and Minho together, other than you two. Chris has a point, though, Minho did treat you well and he was never ashamed to say you were his girlfriend or be kind to you, even in front of others, even when it was âcoolâ to be cold and distant and tease your girlfriend in front of other guys to seem nonchalant.Â
At that age, most guys thought they had so many other options and never wanted their friends to think they had feelings for anyone. Being tough and fucking around was the norm. Minho was the exact oppositeâhe never really cared for what others had to say.Â
âWhy did that make you jealous? We argued a lot,â you quickly point out, wanting Chris to realize youâre not happy in this fake relationship with Minho.
âI thought he was the one for you,â Chris admits, making you stop walking with your mouth flying open. What? âNo, seriously, I did. He understood you well, but there was also a lot of chemistry there, and Minho, whether I like it or not, is the type of guy you should be with, so I really hope things work out for you.â
The news hits you like a train, and you take a second to recollect. Never in your wildest fantasies did you think Chris felt that way about Minho. You thought it was just good old jealousy. âIâm sorry, Iâm still under the impression of what youâve just said. You thought he was the one?âÂ
âYes. I donât know about now since I havenât seen you two interact a lot, but if he still feels the same way about you and is still as doting as before, Minho is the guy for you,â Chris says, smiling at you warmly, giving you one of those ear-to-ear sheepish grins. âThatâs what you need. Youâre the opposite of each other, but not in a way that makes you argue and hate one another.â
Maybe youâve fucked this whole thing up before it even began, but you canât let go without a fight. If Chris thinks Minho is the one for you, thereâs no way he thinks he himself is, and thatâs what you want him to think. âI wouldnât say thatâs true.â
âWhy are you with him then?â Chris quips, shooting you a questioning look before continuing to stare right ahead at the quiet beach.
The question stops you dead in your tracks again. You donât have a plan for this, you didnât think it through. Why are you with Minho, in this scenario? What are you looking to get out of him? âI⊠I donât know.â
âOh, wow. I shouldnât be the one to tell you this, but maybe you should rethink your relationship with him,â Chris advises, and you know he doesnât mean it for his own benefit. Heâs telling you because itâs in your best interest. Nobody should be with someone if they donât even understand why.
âEver since I saw you, I've been rethinking it,â you tell him, hinting at your true feelings for him. Itâs shameless of you, and you feel guilt in your chest for saying something like this to a guy thatâs about to be married. Minho was wrongâyou clearly have some morals after all.
âGood old times, right? You and me⊠All that could have been,â Chris says with a sigh, movements suddenly coming to a halt. Then, he turns to face you, and he is sporting that good old smile of his that warms your heart. Your Chris. The friend you could always turn to. He continues, âWhat could have been is tempting, but itâs a fantasy. What you have with someone else is real. So donât compare the guy to that because heâll never match up to it. Nobody will.â
âIs that what you did with Sunyoung?â you quickly retort, wondering if heâs just telling you these things without even thinking about them. If he also thinks you two could have been great together, why did he never try?
âIââ Chris starts, but scoffs and shakes his head. âI donât know. I just know that I spent a lot of time comparing other people to you and this relationship we never had and then I just realized itâs stupid and pointless and that Iâd be miserable forever if I kept doing it. And a friend I talked to said something that really stuck with me. He told me nobody can compare to this imaginary relationship, not even you. Like, if we were together, you wouldnât be able to be what I imagined in my head, because thatâs all we hadâimagination.â
Itâs an answer you werenât expecting, but one that hurts nonetheless. It doesnât hurt because itâs a rejection, but because itâs the truth that you need to accept for yourself too. Chris was in your shoes back then and he moved on, which led him to this wedding. At the same time, this is your only chance to attempt something.
âI think itâs stupid that we both felt the same way about each other and never said a word. Well, we did kiss a couple of times, but it never went further,â you point out, wondering why you never talked about those drunk hookups. âWe could have had this fantasy, maybe.â
âIt wasnât for my lack of trying,â Chris says with a shrug, continuing walking.
âWhat?â You laugh, catching up with him. The walk seems to be a chase at this point, with him moving forward and you staying behind, which is such a sad analogy for your lives, too. âYou never tried anything.â
âI didnât?â He looks at you questioningly. âMaybe you were too drunk, then, so I made the right call.â
âWhen? Iâm confused.â You are pretty sure you would remember Chris making a real move on you. In your eyes, kissing you drunk at a party isnât exactly a move, not one that matters.
âOne time, after you two broke up and you were starting to go out and get back to your normal, post-Minho life, we kissed at one of those stupid parties,â Chris explains calmly. You do know youâve kissed once or twice, so this is no news to you. âWe were both drunk and horny, so I finally managed to ask you to come back to my place... And you said no.â
Your mouth dries instantly, stomach turning when you remember the scene. Why is your brain filled with so many irrelevant memories but decides to forget this very important one?Â
Suddenly, you remember it clear as day: Chris asking you to come to his place before kissing you hungrily, and you wanting to say yes, but saying no insteadâyour heart hurting.
âWhen I asked why not thanks to liquid courage, you said you still loved Minho and couldnât sleep with me or anyone else,â Chris continues, completely missing the way youâre left standing there in shock. While you think of the scene, you remember just how much your breakup actually hurt you and how long it took you to get over Minho. You were so used to him it hurt to be without him. âAnd then you broke down. We spent the rest of the night together, you crying on my shoulder about losing him. So yeah, after that, I kind of thought to myself Iâd be an ass if I tried something with someone whoâs clearly hurting and missing someone, even if I really did like you.â
âI completely forgot about that until now,â you admit, catching up with him again, suddenly feeling out of it. You wish you could be anywhere else but there, anywhere on your own, where you can think about all these things heâs told you. âI forgot I missed him that much.â
Chris nods and continues walking, the breeze caressing his curls as he does. âSo, how was it?â he asks a while later, stirring you from your thoughts.
âHow was what?â You donât get what he means. Your kiss back then? Thatâs the last topic you discussed.Â
To be honest, you donât really remember the kisses with him. You were always drunk and nervous, and nothing more ever happened. Funnily enough, you still remember your first kiss with Minho, how you were practically trembling as you watched his lips move in closer and closer until he pressed them against yours for a second or two, just enough for you to know what he feels like.
âYour reunion with Minho,â Chris reminds you of the fake relationship once again. âDid sparks fly? Did the feelings come back instantly?â
âIâŠâ For the first time during this trip, when he asked about Minho, you didn't have to lie. You did sleep with him, there was a reunion. âIt felt⊠Oddly familiar. We havenât been together in years, but it still felt the way it used to. No awkwardness, no tension, no hesitation. We just picked up right where we left off, or so it seems.â
âIsnât that what itâs all about?â Chris pats your back gently. âAnd man, you two havenât even seen each other in a long time, and yet things stayed the same. I think thatâs a lot better than a figment of your or mine imagination.â
He might be right about that. While you dissect his every word and try to focus on your thoughts, Chris goes on about his wife-to-be. Itâs hard to think when he feels the need to talk about everything and anything, but you still try.Â
A couple of minutes later, Chris chuckles, nudging you and looking straight ahead. âSpeak of the devil,â he whispers, and you realize that Minho is somewhere ahead of your two, sitting on his own on the beach, staring at the waves.Â
âMaybe I should leave you two to it. I have to go find Sunyoung anyway. Havenât seen her in a couple of hours and Iâm already feeling bad,â Chris tells you with a pat on the shoulder. âIâll see you around, yeah?â
Instead of walking back to your room and leaving Minho to enjoy his alone time, you decide to join him without a word, Chris words still ringing in your ears.
âHey,â is what you mutter as you sit down next to him and accompany him in staring at the sea.
Neither one of you speaks for a long time, but you enjoy the silence. It finally lets you think about everything, process Chrisâs words and feelings, contemplate your own. The conversation just served to remind you that a) Chris loves Sunyoung, b) Chris thinks you two wouldnât work as well as you both think you would, and c) you suffered because of Minho and turned Chris down in return.
So, you blurt out the question without giving it a second thought, knowing Minho will understand, âWere you sad when we broke up? I mean, did it take you a long time to get over it?â
He sighs and takes some time to think about it, his hand dropping down onto the sand and drawing random shapes in it. âDefine long.â
âWeeks? I donât know.â How long did it take you? It seemed like years.
âMonths, more like,â he admits, surprisingly without any banter or jokes. âWhy are you asking?â
âI just talked to Chris and he reminded me of something that happened back then.â You know you sound cryptic, but you donât want to tell Minho how pathetic you wereâheâll have a field day with the information.
âAre you going to elaborate or?â he asks after a while with a small chuckle. âAlways speaking in code.â
âUh⊠Chris told me he did make a move on me back then, but that I turned him down because I was still not over you,â you admit, which makes his head turn in your direction.Â
Minho hums knowingly. âWe all make mistakes, I guess. Do you now feel bad about it? You had a chance back then.â
âI donât,â you respond quickly, completely sure of it. âI didnât really remember the whole thing until he told me about it, but I⊠I was really sad and I missed you, so being with him wouldnât have solved it.â
You both stay silent for a while, staring at the sea, watching the waves hug the shore and pull back. Itâs hypnotic, almost.Â
âDo you think being with me would have?â Minho sounds curious this time, and you face him just to find his eyebrow raised as he inspects your face. When your eyes meet, he looks at the sea again.Â
âDo you?â you throw the ball into his court expertly, but not because youâre afraid of answering. You just need time to think, and you know Minho understands that.
âWell, if we were both miserable because we broke up, I guess we would have been happy had we gotten back together,â he explains with a slight nod. âCould have, would have, should have⊠That seems to be the theme of this trip.â
âHow melancholic of you!â you joke, but thereâs nothing funny about it, so neither one of you laughs. His opinions just leave you with something else to think about, and your head already feels like itâs about to explode.Â
So, you get up, take off your shoes and walk towards the sea, wetting your feet. Youâre not planning on bathing now, but you just want to feel the warmth of the sea around your legs, hoping it would somehow be therapeutic. It kind of is, especially when you stand there for a while, feeling the sun on your face, the breeze hitting your body just right, the scent of the sea filling up your nostrils.
That, and Minhoâs cologne as he walks up to you, unprompted. You donât say a word, not even when he stands right next to you, even if thatâs completely unlike him. He doesnât like the sea at all, so him doing this is out of character. But then again, this entire trip is out of character for you, so you canât say much.Â
âAre you okay?â he asks, his tone a lot smoother than before, lower. Thereâs no teasing in his voice, no joke to be madeâjust genuine concern, but that's Minho for you, always caring.
âJust⊠Thinking. About everything.â That doesnât explain much and it isnât really a response to his question, but you donât have one right now. Youâre okay, but youâre not.
âHm,â Minho hums, as if he understands. Maybe he does. He always does have a way of knowing things.Â
Since it sometimes felt like your ex knew you better than you knew yourself, you decide to ask for his opinion, like you used to. âDo you think I should just let it go?â
âUhâŠâ Minho clears his throat, taking a while to think. âFrom my perspective, yes. But I also know itâs hard to give up on something youâve wanted for a long time, even if itâs clear the person isnât on the same wavelength. Itâs difficult to accept that youâre left with nothing and that your feelings will never be reciprocated. It seems like a waste. But, if the other person doesnât feel the same, itâs just not meant to be. There will be someone who will return those feelings.â
As always, Minho knows what to say to get to you, and you instantly feel like crying. He wasnât trying to do it, youâre sure, but your eyes water and you sniffle, grimacing to stop tears from falling. You canât cry in front of him. Maybe heâll think he made you cry, and thatâs not true. Itâs not his fault youâre so stupid and blind. Itâs not Minhoâs fault youâve ruined your relationship with Chris, who seems to be set on you being the one for someone else.Â
Minho notices your grimacing and wraps his arm around your shoulder, pulling you in closer. âYouâll be alright. I promise, pretty.â His hand finds the back of your head and gently caresses it, knowing it calms you down. âIt might hurt for a while, but you will be alright in the end.â
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Can i kiss your brain? đ„č im in love with the way you write
"What could have been is tempting, but it's a
fantasy. What you have with someone else is real.
So don't compare the guy to that because he'll
never match up to it. Nobody will."
That part is amazing because itâs true and it hurts knowing you canât compare what you have with someone for something thatâs only in your imagination
And im prolly as annoying and stubborn as main lead because im so sad when i think about how he is so set for being âthe oneâ for someone else when main lead âknowsâ they could have been better
Even if isnât truth i think that kind of longing really doesnât go away unless you face it :(
But at the end of the day i really think everything happens for a reason and they werenât definitely meant to be đ„č i just wished Lino wasnât affected in this whole mess
You come up with a plan to get Christopher back, but you need Minho's help. He has something else in mind.
âą pairing: minho x fem!reader
âą word count: 7.3k
âą genre: smut, angst, non-idol!au, fake dating!au, exes to lovers!au, unrequited love, love triangle, exboyfriend!minho, ex!best friend chan
âą warnings: smut (protected sex, some choking, one tit slap, mentions of various sex acts), use of the petname 'baby'
⹠masterlist ⥠series masterpost ⥠updates ⥠read on AO3
âą reblogs and feedback are always motivating and appreciated! âĄ
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if you want to support my writing, you can buy me a coffee here and let me know what you think about it here. thank you! âĄ
Your plan seemed so good when you first came up with it, but now that youâre waiting for Minho to show up at this stupid bar, you feel your confidence in the plan slowly fading away.Â
Christopher is a great guy, thereâs no doubt about it, but is he really the one for you? Is he worth ruining a wedding for? The more you think about it, the worse you feel for even considering it.
But then again, what if you meet Christoper again years down the line and you both figure out thatâs what you wanted all along? Heâd have to get a divorce, and that hurts a lot more than not going through with a wedding. At this point, you donât even want to doubt your feelings for Chrisâyou canât.
All your friends know about him, even though youâve met the majority of them at work and theyâve never even seen the man. Still, your entire friend group is aware of the huge effect heâs had on your life, even now that he isnât actively in it. Every guy you meet automatically gets compared to Chris in your head, without you putting effort into it.Â
If someone youâre dating reminds you of him, he gets a plus. If someone is wildly opposite, itâs a minus in your book. You like Chris. So, someone similar is instantly better than someone the exact opposite.Â
Itâs because heâs the one that got away. Youâve spent years thinking about him, wanting to be with him, wanting to get to touch him and kiss him. The only times you two did that was when you were both wasted, and it always stopped at kissing. Youâd kiss, get to feel each other up a bit, but thatâs where it stopped. There was chemistry, but it wasnât as prevalent as feelings.Â
With Minho, on the other hand, the chemistry was through the roof. When you two were dating, you couldnât keep your eyesâor handsâoff each other. And when you kissed, you felt sparks flying. When Minho touched you, you lost the ability to speak, which is surprising for someone who always has something to say.Â
Even people around you could feel the insane attraction, let alone you two. But, your feelings for Chris were always somewhere in the background, just like they are now.
âWhatâs a pretty girl like yourself doing here all alone?â Minho appears out of nowhere, sporting a dashing suit, and looking better than ever. Itâs funny how he shows up exactly when youâre reminiscing about the past. âSurely not plotting to ruin a friendâs wedding!â
His joke makes you laugh at Minho mockingly, rolling your eyes and pointing to the seat next to you, which he gladly takes, but not before he leans over and kisses your cheek. Confident, as always. You canât say you hate his touchâyou never have. He always smells nice and has soft lips. Whatâs there to hate? âWaiting for a cocky ex-boyfriend to possibly ruin my night,â youâre quick to retort with a grimace.
âIâve ruined more than that, so itâs fine,â Minho shrugs and looks for the waitress.Â
When their eyes meet, she lights up and walks over to your table with a grin, smiling from ear to ear as if Tom Hardy had just walked in, and not Lee Minho. Great. Youâve been there over ten minutes and she hasnât even acknowledged your presence, but Minho shows up and all eyes are on him, of course.Â
That was what dating him was like, even back in school. People noticed him and they never paid attention to you, which you kind of liked. Being in the background was your thing. However, Minho being the center of attention and you being on his arm at all times meant you had to become it too, and that wasnât your favorite thing in the world. Despite all of that, Minho always found a way to show you that you were the center of his attention, at least back then.
As he takes his blazer off, Minho turns to you again, completely ignoring the beautiful woman walking towards him. âWhat do you want to drink?â Once again, he shows you his attention is on you, but for a different reason now.
You settle on two gin-tonics and wait for the waitress to leave before you speak to each other again. âItâs nice seeing you again,â Minho says quietly, which comes as a surprise. It was? âYou look great.â
âSo do you,â you tell him in return, meaning it. Heâs still the most handsome guy youâve ever been with. Sadly, heâs also the best sex youâve ever had, which just goes to show how bad your sex life has been after college. Usually, sex gets better after that age and not worse, but here you are to prove that wrong. âYou clean up nicely.â
âItâs work clothes.â Minho sighs and leans back, grabbing his tie and slowly loosening it. Itâs unfair that anyone can look that good after working an 8-hour shift, at least. âBut they are cool.â
âShe seems to like them,â you tease, glancing at the waitress standing by the bar and staring at him. Youâre sure she should be working, but you understand her attractionâitâs not every day that a guy as handsome as Minho walks into this place.
âShe seems to like more than just my clothes, but thatâs not why weâre here.â Minho chuckles, looking straight into your eyes as he leans towards you. His hand is thrown over the back of your chair, the top two buttons of his shirt unbuttoned, and he looks at you like he wants to eat you up.
However, you remind yourself thatâs just the way Minho looks at peopleâlike heâs read them already. Thereâs always a bit of challenge in his eyes when he stares someone down. âYes. Have you thought about it?â
The mention of the plan brings back all the memories of you and Chris and Minho, and the whole love triangle. Suddenly, it seems like something from another lifetime, something long forgotten, except it isnât.
âAbout accompanying you to Chrisâs wedding so you can make a move on him?â Minho repeats your plan and makes it sound so immoral. But, he does it with a grin, which tells you heâs amused by the whole thing. Amused is good. Amused isnât a no. âNot really. Iâve been thinking about my reward more. Iâm not in the business of doing things for people out of the goodness of my heart, you know me.â
âHmmm, thatâs a lie,â you have to point out, cocking your head to the side to give your ex-boyfriend a questioning look. Minho cares about people a lot more than he wants to admit, and you both know this. His âIâm coldâ shtick doesnât work on you. âYou wouldnât do it for an ex-girlfriend thatâs treated you nicely?â
âIf by treating someone nicely, you mean dumping them out of the blue, then⊠Uhm, no.â His voice is cold when he says it, but Minhoâs gaze is playful, as always. Does he really feel that way about your breakup?
âAh, always so dramatic!â You wave your hand at him, and then the waitress interrupts you by bringing your drinks over, taking her sweet time because sheâs too busy staring at your date for the night and grinning. If you two were on an actual date, youâd be pissed about this woman so blatantly drooling over him. But since youâre not, all you feel is slight entertainment.Â
As soon as she leaves, you whisper at him, âYou have a fan.â
âShe should get in line,â Minho jokes and lifts his glass. Heâs hot and he knows it. Youâre sure there is a line of women who want at least a night with him, and youâre one of the lucky ones that know exactly why. Because of this, you canât really blame any woman that decides to throw herself at this manâs feet. âTo tonight!â
âTo tonight,â you say, tapping the tip of your glass against his before taking a big sip. Lord knows youâll need it. âSo, since you wonât do it because you like me, what do you want in return? Money?â
This suggestion makes Minho laugh wholeheartedly, so much so that he kicks his head back. âI donât need money. The thing is, I donât really need anything, so Iâm not sure what to ask.â
âWell, there's gonna be a free trip involved. And tons of free food and drinks, I guess,â you speak fast, hoping it sounds more appealing than it actually is. After all, youâre asking your ex-boyfriend to come to a wedding with you, a wedding you plan to break off if you get lucky. Plus, he doesnât know anyone there. âAnd I mean, you get to get away for five days, if that's what you want.â
Miho frowns and looks at you in confusion. âWait, Chris is flying everyone out there and paying for their hotel? Look at him!â
âNo, just the hotel, but I'll be paying for your ticket if you decide to go.â Itâs the least you can do for Minho if he decides to take part in your plan and join you.
âI'm not letting you pay for my ticket, please!â He scoffs. Always a gentleman, even when it comes to something as silly as this, something youâre doing on a whim. You forgot all these little details about him, but theyâre all coming back to you now.
âDoes that mean you're going?â Thereâs excitement in your voice and you canât hide it, not when thereâs hope Minho might say yes. Heâs the key to your planâthe man who drove Chris wild, the only man Chris ever disapproved of, the man Chris felt jealous of (or so you think). Either way, Minho is the vital factor that will put this whole thing into action.
âIâŠâ Minho tries to say something but closes his mouth when he realizes youâve caught him. He is going. âI guess the free booze is too tempting.âÂ
âOh, it's the booze that got you to say yes?â you ask teasingly, knowing very well he could get a lot of booze for the price of this plane ticket that he wants to buy for himself.Â
He could just not go. Itâs not the fucking booze, and you both know it. Maybe Minhoâs just as bored as you are.
âThat, and the fact that you'll probably embarrass yourself and cause a scene or two, which means I'll have a lot of fun.â This time, his chuckle is a bit mean since itâs accompanied by the smirk that youâve learned to love.Â
When you two first got together, you felt like his smirking was rude and uncalled for, like Minho was mocking you when looking at you like that. With time, you realized it was just his way of poking fun. After all, he didnât smirk at just anyone.
âYou really want to see me suffer,â you point out, bringing your glass up to your mouth again, enjoying the taste of alcohol for the first time in months. Your life really was boring when the peak of your social life was meeting up with an ex-boyfriend for drinks so you two could talk about a guy youâve always wanted.Â
Minho does the same before speaking again, this time with a devilish grin, âI guess I want to see karma in action.â
You close your eyes for a second, sighing deeply. Is he really going to go down this road again? Youâll definitely need more than one drink. âAre you trying to say you suffered because of me?â
âYou broke 22-year-old Minho's heart,â he says theatrically, placing his hand over his heart and sighing with his eyes closed, mocking your reaction from earlier. âI don't want to see yours get broken, though. Just want to watch you squirm a little, I guess.âÂ
And youâre sure he means thisâMinho will have the best time watching you get flustered and embarrassed, as always. âWell, I'm sure you'll have a great time then.â
âWe're going together, so I don't doubt it at all,â he breathes, smiling at the end of this strange statement, which makes you stare at him. Minhoâs being suspiciously nice today. Since you donât say anything, he quickly continues, âWant another drink?â
You nod, and he calls the waitress over. Of course, that doesnât take long since sheâs spent the last fifteen minutes staring at him, waiting for her cue. Once Minho orders, you turn to face him with a question, âWhy are you being so kind all of a sudden?â
âAll of a sudden? âMinho grimaces in confusion, pulling away from you to stare at you in fake awe. âWhat do you mean? You're the only person I always treat nicely even if you're not the most deserving, let's be real.â
Minhoâs favorite pastime used ot be calling you out on your behavior. It annoyed you to no end before, and youâre slowly realizing it still does, but not to the same extent. Itâs almost funny now, so you scoff and pretend to be hurt, âOuch. You're really going for it tonight.âÂ
âIsn't that the beauty of our relaâfriendship?â He pauses, lifting both his eyebrows at you. âAt least we can always be blunt with each other without any hard feelings.â
That is true. You don't think you have anyone like Minho in your life nowadays, even though you have a lot more friends than you did at school. The way he treated you back then was perfectâhe was always there to listen to your problems, asking whether you wanted him to help or just listen, which is something not a lot of people have mastered.Â
If you asked for Minhoâs opinion, he was always honest, even if that meant disagreeing with you. You were childish back then, thinking relationships are only real if you agree on everything or if you share the same opinions, so Minhoâs opposing views often bothered you. Whenever he disagreed with you, you felt yourself moving away from him slowly, wondering if you were really right for each other.Â
Back then, you didn't want to feel like the whole world and your boyfriend were against you. With Chris, you never felt that way. You always had him in your cornerâyour own personal cheerleader who'd support you no matter what. Unconditionally. And that's the type of love you've always craved.Â
âYou are right about that,â you finally agree after getting lost going down memory lane. Nowadays, you understand the importance of having someone like Minho in your life, someone who can point you in the right direction, someone who values truth over your feelings. If you had someone like Minho around you, you would avoid a ton of mistakes and issues. But, you live and you learn. âThat is something I do like about us.âÂ
Minho nods quietly. âThat's new.âÂ
âI guess I'm older and wiser now,â you joke, downing the rest of your drink as you wait for the waitress to bring the next round.Â
Youâve been there no longer than half an hour, and youâre already drinking like youâre back in school. Thatâs not always the best idea around Minho, though.Â
âFair enough,â Minho mutters, shrugging lightly. Then, he looks up at you with one of those smirks of his, and you just know he has something annoying to say. âSo how does trying to stop your ex-friend's wedding fit into this new wise persona? How wise are we talking about here?â
Heâs got you there, you have to give him that. âIt's not wise at all, and I know it,â you admit your true feelings to Minho, as always. Thereâs something about the man that makes you feel you can tell him anything. You used to do that, and heâs never let you down. âI just feel like I should say something, you know.â
âAnd why can't you do that now, without going to his wedding?â Minho smacks his lips together. âI mean if you go there and he says noâand chances are, he willâyou're gonna have to watch him marry this woman. You canât run back home without causing a scene.â
Minhoâs completely right, as always. Heâs made of pure logic and bluntness, always picking the most logical way without getting feelings involved. Logically speaking, you going to Chrisâs wedding to try to tell him you like him in person is about the dumbest thing you could do. Emotionally speaking, itâs something you need to do. But, Minho wonât get that.
Still, you speak up and try to explain, âYou're right, it's not wise. I can't say it now because we haven't seen each other in months. When Chris and I are together, the feelings are more intense, more real. So I'd like to say it in person.â
Thatâs what makes sense to you. If you called Christopher today and told him youâve been thinking about him for years, never gathering the courage to call him and ask him out, itâs very probable heâd tell you heâs getting married and that youâre crossing the line. Chris is moral like that, valuing his promises more than anything. But, if you see each other, things may be different. He might see the potential, too.
âThen ask him to meet you for drinks and tell him,â Minho comes in with another suggestion. You hate that he always makes so much sense and that you end up having to explain yourself every time. It feels a bit like youâre getting scolded.
Still, you explain yourself again, keeping your voice low this time. âChris lives in another city. I can't just travel there only to tell him I want him to call this wedding off and give me a chance.â
âWait, wait, wait!â Minho practically yells, lifting his finger, and chugs down the rest of his drink. Then, he sighs and gives you a wide-eyed look. âYou can't do that, but you can travel to an island to attend his wedding to do the same thing? Pretty, you're not making any sense.â
Even though heâs disagreeing with you and practically calling you crazy, Minho still gives you a sympathetic smile as if he understands your predicament, which you sincerely doubt. Right when youâre about to explain yourself again, the waitress brings you the drinks, checking Minho out once more.
Youâre not sure which one of you is more desperate, you or this poor soul who thinks she has a chance with Minho. When she leaves, you both take a sip of the drink, and you finally respond. âI know it sounds stupid, but... I know. I just think if he sees you and me together and then spends time with me, Chris might remember all his feelings from the past, just like I have.âÂ
It does sound ridiculous when said out loud, you realize. Minhoâs slight grimace at your words tells you he feels the same way. Maybe, and just maybe, heâll be polite enough not to call you out.Â
âYou think him seeing you with me of all people will help you with the plan?â Minhoâs voice gives off his confusion. Youâre stressing him out, you tell by the way he takes another sip. Heâs already down to half a glass and heâs just gotten his drink.
âYes,â you respond with a nod.
âBecauseâŠ?â Minho leans in and scrunches his face, clearly confused. Heâs so close now that the conversation suddenly feels a lot more intimate, and you donât hate the idea, even though you havenât had a proper conversation with your ex in a long time.
âHe doesn't like you.â Itâs not exactly news and itâs a thing from the past. You thought Chris hated Minho because he felt like you werenât good for each other. After finding out Chris had a crush on you, you started thinking he disliked Minho because he was your only serious boyfriend, your longest relationship to date, the guy you really cared about.Â
It doesnât come as a surprise to Minho, judging by the way he rolls his eyes. âShocker. Of course he doesn't like me. He couldn't stand knowing you fucked me for a year while he couldn't lift a finger to try to get with you,â he spits the words out before grinning at you.Â
Even though Christopher is not there with you and he probably wouldnât care about this, you feel like you have to say something in his defense, but thereâs not much to sayâMinhoâs right. âStopâŠâÂ
âAm I wrong?â His head cocks to the side as he waits for your response, challenging you to contradict him.
âYou're not, but I didn't make a move either.â Itâs only fair if you point out that there were two people involved, and that neither one of you was confident enough to make a move.
âWell, isn't that sign enough that you both need someone who's willing to take initiative?â Minho questions before drinking a bit more. If you didnât know him, youâd think heâs nervous.
True. That thought has crossed your mindâmaybe you were overhyping something that will never happen because you two are so similar it just canât work. But, you have the perfect response. âOr that I should do that myself, which is exactly what I'm doing now.â
âBy making a move a day or two before his wedding?â Minho retorts before shooting you a glance. âIf you're sure this is the right decision, cool. But think about it. I wouldn't do it if I were you.âÂ
âOkay, thanks for your opinion!â is all you can tell him. You appreciate Minhoâs opinion since heâs a bystander who can be somewhat impartial, but that doesn't mean you will listen to him. Have you ever?
âFeisty!â Minhoâs chuckle tells you heâs not offended by your snarkiness at all. He never is, though. âAnyway⊠What am I getting out of this, pretty?â
âWhat do you want?â you ask, wanting to get to the bottom of this. So, you lean in and place your hands on the table, bringing the glass up to your mouth while looking right at Minho. This way, it feels more personal.
Minho doesnât hesitate at all, confidently letting you know what his reward should be. âYou.âÂ
For some inexplicable reason, your stomach turns with excitement at his words. Itâs just the way he says it, the way he looks at you over the rim of the glass, smirking slightly as he waits for you to say something.
âMeaning?â Youâre not letting him off the hook that easily. Minho needs to spell it out for you.
âI get to fuck you,â he explains, throwing all pretense out the window. You have to admit you werenât exactly expecting this, but somehow, youâre not surprised. âFor old time's sake. But only if you want it, too.â
âThat's what you want?âÂ
âYup. I have pretty much everything else,â Minho adds, leaning back into his chair. âAnd this seems like a fair reward if we both want it.â
You down the rest of your drink with a loud sigh at the end, and Minho waves over the waitress again, signaling she should bring the same again.Â
âCan I think about that?â Your voice sounds so different from beforeâinsecure, trembling. Itâs not because you feel trapped or anything like that. Itâs because a part of you always wants to sleep with Minho.
Of course, a part of you wants all of Chris, including that, but to be fair, you donât know what any of it feels like with your friend. You do know what it all feels like with Minho, which is why you think about that often, especially when you get disappointed by a date or a boyfriend in bed.Â
âItâs sort of a joke, but not really,â Minho explains, reaching out to rub your back slowly. âRelax, pretty⊠Iâd never ask you to do something you didnât want.â
âI know.â You nod thankfully. âIâm not worried about that, Minho. I know you too well for that.â
âYou doâŠâ
An hour and a couple of drinks later, Minho and you are no longer talking about the planâor the reward, for that matterâand are diving into topics you usually donât discuss with acquaintances. Minho is just that right now. He used to be very close to you, and somehow, that closeness is still there, even if you disagree on most things.Â
You discuss work gossip and things that annoy you, tell him about your latest failed date, and listen to him talk about how he loves and hates his job at the same time. The bond is somehow still there as if you two have never stopped talking. Itâs been years since youâve had a heart-to-heart. Well, maybe you did discuss some serious topics when you saw each other when out partying, but those drunk words donât count.Â
Somehow, it feels nice having him back. Itâs only because of the wedding, which will all be over soon, but having someone who can counter you without being insulting or demeaning is refreshing. People just donât know how to do it. They either agree to your face and disagree behind your back or get angry and keep pushing until it turns into an argument.
Not Minho, though. He knows how to challenge you in a charming way, one that allows you to agree to disagree and move on.
âDo you still like dancing?â he asks with a quick smirk. Out of all the guys youâve dated, Minho was the most fun. You usually opted for guys who were a bit more like youâreserved, private, not all in your face. He was the exact opposite, but somehow, that worked.
Minho took you out dancing more times than you thought youâd ever go out, and it was always fun, even though you never wanted to go. When youâd get there, heâd make you forget all about the other people and anything other than him, you, and the music.Â
âI love it,â you respond, hoping heâs going to ask you to dance now.Â
A couple of people are dancing, but the music theyâre playing are 80âs love songsânot exactly partying music. Still, if anyone can dance to it, it is your ex. Youâre more than a bit drunk, very lonely, and filled with emotions because of the news youâve received about Chris. You need to have a good time and not think about anything for a while.Â
Because of this, you grin at Minho and continue, âDonât get to do it as much nowadays.â
âDonât have a good dancing partner?â Minho suggests with a raised eyebrow. When you nod, he offers his hand. âWell, you do now, at least for the night. Want to go?â
Youâre both kind of slurring your words, so the dancing is a lot slower than what it used to be, but you kind of like it. For a little while, you forget all about who you are, who he is, and why youâre there in the first place, focusing slowly on having fun, which is something you havenât done in a long while.Â
At one point, Minho, the amazing dancer, steps on your foot by accident, and that makes you both laugh loudly, holding onto each other while doing that. Itâs funny to see him fail at something heâs good at, especially when he makes a grimace thatâs borderline adorable, though youâd never admit that.Â
And then, he stops laughing and just looks at you. âYou should laugh more often.â
âWho, me?â You point to yourself, unsure of where that came from or what Minho means by it.Â
He nods slowly and leans in to practically whisper, âYou look even prettier when you laugh like that. Like you mean it.â
For some reason, his words send shivers down your spine, your lower belly clenching at the tone he uses. You canât help it, not when he sounds so eerily similar to the way he used to, when he teased you, when he was trying to make you blush. You canât feel bad about it, though. Youâre out for drinks with a friend, thatâs it.Â
What Minho said is a simple compliment, nothing more. He is not Chris. Minho has a whole other life now and heâs no longer the guy you knew back then. Heâs the guy youâre desperately trying to convince to come to Chrisâs wedding with you and pretend to be your boyfriend for a day or so until you gather the courage to confess to Chris. You canât let yourself wander off and get lost in thoughts about what could have been.
âAlways the charmer,â you simply say, continuing to move your hips, and Minho does the same.
You donât miss the way his eyes travel up and down your body whenever you move, especially when you get close, or how his hands are slowly moving down your back, lower and lower, but always maintaining a respectful distance from your ass.Â
âHard not to be when in your company,â he adds with a shrug as if this statement wasnât him hitting on you. Of course, you know the man well, so you donât take it seriously.
You just scoff and move back a bit, enough for him to lose the grip he has on your lower back. Once he does, Minho lets his hands fall to his sides with a slight pout. âMy bad, Iâm sorry,â he apologizes while placing a hand over his heart. âI just forgot how much fun I have with you.â
âWe can have fun without flirting,â you point out, even though you know what Minho means by this. You have a lot more fun when you flirt.
Despite you saying that, you two continue to laugh and tease each other, hands moving towards body parts they shouldnât be touching, gazes challenging each other to action. Youâre not sure why youâre even doing this, but the chemistry is too strong to just back away. Youâre both single, so who cares? Or are you?
âMinho, the girl you're seeing won't mind us traveling together and you pretending we're together?â you ask, knowing this will get you more information on his current relationship status. If heâs acting this way around you while heâs seeing someone else, heâs not the same old Minho you fell for back then.
âWhat girl?â he leans in and asks.Â
When your ex is this close to you and you have this much alcohol in your system, you feel the chemistry. You always do. When you two run into each other at parties and have a drink or two, your eyes wander to the man who's now holding you as you slow dance, the same guy who's fucked you more times than the rest of the men in your life combined.Â
Since youâre too busy thinking about that, Minho continues, âThere's no girl.â
âOkay then, I don't have to worry about ruining something for you,â you add quickly to make it seem like you arenât curious.Â
âA bit too late for that,â Minho says with a grimace, quickly looking over your shoulder as he continues dancing in circles, hands holding you in place.
Two hours later, youâre at Minhoâs apartment in a fancy building in an even fancier part of town. You didnât expect anything less of him.
Everything is as neat as it always was with him, but thatâs the last thing on your mind as you lie on his bed with your legs thrown over your exâs shoulders. Minho is stuffing you full of cock expertly, like it hasnât been years since you two have done it, like he hasnât forgotten exactly what you like, like youâve done this yesterday.
Youâre not exactly sure how you two ended up here, even though the second he started flirting with you, you had a feeling it would happen. One smirk, and it was like none of the years apart ever happened. You were transported back to school days with Minho being the only guy you had eyes for, the man who knew your body well.
Your body reacts to him the same way it always didâyou were soaking by the time you made it to the apartment, all thanks to his hand on your thigh and his mouth on your neck during the short cab ride to his place. Minho did always know how to turn you on.Â
And he sure does know how to fuck you right, you have to admit. Usually, you talk during sex, because you hate fucking in silence or being cheesy and romantic. If you do talk, youâre dirty talking or laughing about something, thereâs no in-between. Tonight, though, you canât come up with anything.
âPlease, there,â you beg of Minho, who seems more than willing to please. You forgot how pretty he looks when he fucks you, his face contorting with pleasure, eyes focused on you. You want to tell him that, but you canâtâhis cock is dissolving any coherent thoughts you have.
âMore, pretty?â he chuckles after he breathes the words at you, clearly happy about seeing you get so lost in pleasure. âSure you can take it?â
âMhm,â you hum and nod, unable to protest further and convince him. Instead, you grab the back of your thighs and pull them closer to your chest, allowing him better access, which makes Minho hum in appreciation.
âYouâre always a good girl for me,â he grunts at you before starting to piston into you so hard you think youâre going to faint. âTake me so well.â
Somehow, it feels like time stood still these past years, like nothingâs changed between you, like youâre back in school and Minhoâs fucking you after a long day, making you forget about everything and everyone other than him. He did always manage to do that.
The way he says the words âgood girlâ reminds you of those days, too, and you moan in response, feeling so weak so soon. âMore, baby, please,â you beg, so unlike you nowadays.Â
But, Minho doesnât know thatâyou always called him baby and begged for him back then. Still, the nickname and the pleading are somehow reserved for him only since youâve been unable to call anyone that after, let alone beg them to fuck you. Itâs a level of trust you canât have with just anyone, and Minhoâs far from that even now when you donât even talk. He will never be a stranger.
âGood girl,â he hums again, making you moan loudly and buck your hips into him. Whenever the man praises you, you want to cry out. His hand flies down to your neck and Minho uses the grip he has on your throat to fuck you smoother and keep you in place. âSo fucking good and wet for me⊠Taking it so well. Did you miss it?â
âFuck, Minho, I did,â you admit without an ounce of shame. Did you actively think about missing him? No. Do you feel like youâve been missing out on years of mindblowing sex with someone who knows your body through and through now that Minhoâs fucking you so well? Absolutely. âYou fuck so well.â
âThink Chris can fuck you like this?â He brings the man up out of the blue with a chuckle after hearing you moan.Â
Minhoâs hitting all the right spots, which isnât surprising considering he put a pillow under your hips, just the way you used to do it. Plus, the hand around your neck is also a turn-on, and you canât do much other than grab the arm with both hands and look into his eyes while he fucks you into the mattress, hard and fast.
âMinho, stop,â you say through clenched teeth, not wanting to moan while talking about Chris, of all people. âDonât mention him.â
âWhy? Youâre clenching around me nowâŠâ he points out cockily, hips snapping into yours just as fast as they did before, pace relentless. âYou like it.â
You hiss at him, âItâs wrong.â
âAnd itâs not wrong to go to someoneâs wedding to seduce him?â Minho asks with a scoff, still keeping the same pace. Heâs talking to you like youâre back in the bar and heâs not balls deep inside of you, like itâs a normal thing to discuss while heâs inside of you.
You want to say something back, but Minho changes the angle, which makes you moan loudly, fingers digging into the smooth skin of his forearm as it grabs your neck tighter. Heâs just gotten better with age, more confident, buffer, more experienced. Â
Thatâs the only thing thatâs changed hereâthe way you two look. Youâre still you, but older, with more scars and defeats. Timeâs working against you and just adds more onto your plate. Back then, you thought you were buried in problems. Now, you realize how easy you had it, and how good it was to just have two or three things to focus on, one being your amazing boyfriend.
âFace it, pretty, youâre going over there so you can get good old Chris to fuck you,â Minho grunts into your ear, face starting to sweat, hand holding your neck while he uses the other to stay propped up over you. âBut I know he canât fuck you this good.â
âMinhoâŠâ You moan again. You hate the fact that heâs bringing Chris up in this context. You canât feel this amazing because of Minho and have an image of Chris in your headâitâs just wrong.Â
On the other hand, it turns you on because you shouldnât be doing it. Itâs like you and Minho are in on a secret that others donât know and are now acting out on it in the most carnal way possible.
âHm, thatâs right.â He nudges the side of your face clearly unphased. âHe doesnât know your body like I do. You still like all the same things⊠It would take him months to learn all of this, learn how to fuck your cunt right.â
Itâs true, though, and not just about Chris. You still havenât had a better partner than Minho, and itâs been years. He took his time with you back then, learned everything you liked, taught you a couple of things too before you started to explore together. Thereâd be days when you two would stay inside all day, taking turns getting each other off, see who can outdo themselves, who can come harder, who can get the other to scream the loudest.
âFuck,â is all you can grunt at him now that heâs let go of your neck and moved his hand down to smack and grab your tit.Â
âYeah, fuck⊠You know Iâm right,â Minho says confidently and he has every reason to be.Â
Before you can say anything, he moves his hand down to your clit. âChris didnât spend hours on his knees eating you out, did he? Or even more fucking you? It was me,â he hisses the last part at you.
âYes, yesâŠâ you agree, giving him enthusiastic nods. âOnly you.â
âMhm⊠I love it when you get lost when I fuck you,â Minho suddenly tells you in a softer tone, lips placing a soft kiss to the side of your face as his fingers continue circling your clit, getting your hips to push into his cock. âCanât even speak.â
âN-no,â you agree weakly, unable to focus on anything other than his voice, so you close your eyes, even though the sight of him all sweaty and aroused is hot beyond belief.
âI know, pretty, youâre so good to meâŠâ Minho hums, hips smacking into yours while he licks your neck like he wants you badly. âAlways so good.â
Suddenly, he pushes himself off you until heâs kneeling between your legs, his cock inside of you, one hand on your clit, the other on your waist. This way, he can fuck you even better, using his knees as leverage as he shoves his dick inside you fast.
This way, you also have no choice other than to look at him. The fingers circling your clit roughly have you moaning for him while his cock continues moving fastâin and out rhythmically, touching the right spot, over and over⊠Minhoâs hips are perfect, just as you remember.Â
Youâre not sure how long he keeps fucking you before you start hissing, âIâm close, Iâm close!â
âGoodâŠâ he says, more than content with knowing youâre about to fall apart all over his cock, just like you always did. âWhoâs fucking you well?â
If thereâs something your ex likes, itâs praise, and you always showered him with it. Tonight is no different, though. A guy that fucks you this good can get all the praise he wants.
âYou are,â you grunt the words at him, hands grabbing your tits so you can touch them for him. âYouâre so fucking good at this.â
Minho groans, teeth sinking into his bottom lip. âSay my name,â he orders you, voice a bit shaky.
âMinho!â Youâre surprised at your own compliance. Thereâs no spite left in you, not even a thought about contradicting him, about making it harder for him. Instead, you just do as asked, feeling yourself falling into familiar patterns again as he pushes you closer to your orgasm.
He moans this time, sounding so sweet, like the man you used to love. âAgain!â
âMinho, ah! Minho, fuck, just a little more, please,â you stutter and mumble the words, moaning with every breath you take, thighs starting to shake. âBaby, please!â
He chuckles loudly, clearly enjoying the way youâre starting to fall apart. A second later, you do fall apart, coming while heâs inside of you, hips bucking into Minhoâs frantically. As always, he doesnât stop when youâre coming but speeds up significantly, even though you think itâs impossible for him to go faster.Â
âFuck, Minho, fuck! Just thereââ You dig your fingers into his hands, never wanting him to stop, even though you feel full and swollen already. Youâd let the man fuck you until tomorrow and youâd love every second of it.
Heâs so much stronger now, leaner, more experienced, and you feel it all in his hips. Minho fucks you so hard your back is rubbing against the sheets, pussy not getting a second of rest because his cock is back in it fully so quickly you canât even blink. Heâs doing so well, so you tell him that.
âMore,â he asks, and you know Minhoâs close. He asks for more only when heâs about to come, so you grab his hands and pull him in, making him change the angle so he can lie on top of you, just the way you like it.
âYouâre so fucking good,â you say, resting the side of your face against his, placing a soft kiss on his jaw. âFuck me so wellâŠâ
âGod, keep going,â he sounds desperate when he moans the words for you, and you realize his preferences haven't changed either.Â
As cold as he always tries to be, Minho lives for praise when he fucks someone, wants to hear them say how good he is, and is weak for a nickname or two.
âAre you coming for me, baby?â You use one of those nicknames, which earns you a loud grunt from him. âHmmm, nice⊠Give it to me⊠I want you.â
Thatâs all it takes for Minho to cum while inside of you, the condom still wrapped around his cock, stopping him from spilling his seed all over your walls. He wants that badly, to mark you, to know you feel him inside of you even when he pulls his cock out, but thatâs reserved for people you care about, not ex-boyfriends who bought you a couple of drinks and had a good time reminiscing about the past.
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You get a wedding invitation that puts your plan into motion.
âą pairing: minho x fem!reader
âą word count: 1.6k
âą genre: smut, angst, non-idol!au, fake dating!au, exes to lovers!au, unrequited love, love triangle, exboyfriend!minho, ex!best friend chan
âą warnings: none for this part except the mc finds out someone she used to love is getting married
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âą reblogs and feedback are always motivating and appreciated!
âą next chapter
if you want to support my writing, you can buy me a coffee here and let me know what you think about it here. thank you! âĄ
Spring is the wedding season. Itâs like all the couples wait all winter for the sun to come out so they can get married and show the rest of the world just how in love they are. You donât necessarily hate the whole idea, but you always have to save up for wedding season. Youâre at that age where your friends are starting families while youâre still on dating apps hoping to meet a man who can hold a conversation and look good at the same time. Are you asking for too much? Judging by how single you are, one could say that, but you donât think men like that donât exist. Youâve met a couple that checked all the boxes beforeâwhy couldnât it happen again?
This particular wedding season just became the worst one yet because youâve received a wedding invitation from Christopher Bang. The Christopher Bang. The same guy youâve been in love with for years through college, the guy youâve hooked up with a couple of times but never told him how you really felt, too afraid of messing up your friendship with him.
And then, when you were in one of your relationships that only happened because you were trying to convince yourself chemistry could be born later down the line (spoiler alert: it couldnât), Chris and you ran into each other at a friendâs party.Â
After many drinks and hours of conversation, your former best friend admitted that he felt the same way about you all those years but never had the courage to admit it, much like you. It came as a shock, clearly, because you always felt like he saw you as a friend only.Â
Chris was supportive of your dating life and always seemed to only want the best for you, which is why you were shocked to hear that your unrequited feelings werenât so one-sided or unrequited after all. In fact, the only time he was unsupportive of your relationship and had a problem with you dating someone was when you were with Lee Minho.Â
To be fair, the fact that Minho was with you was a shock to you too, seeing as the guy was out of everyoneâs league. The only problem? Minho was well aware of this fact. He is the type of guy whoâs hot and knows it. Still, unlike most guys who are conventionally attractive, Minho didnât let it get to his head too much, even though he joked about his looks often.Â
Sadly, it didnât work out for you two. You were too insecure about being with someone like him, and your studies took a toll on the relationship too. However, during the year and a couple of months you spent with Minho, Chris continued voicing his disapproval of the relationship. Was it jealousy?
That was what running into him made you feel, that maybe you and he harbored these feelings for so long for a reason. When he admitted this, Chris was in a relationship with Sunyoung, a girl he fell head over heels for, which he told you all about at the party, not even stopping to think that maybe you didnât want to hear him gush about this girl after heâd admitted to having feelings for you a couple of years back.Â
However, you couldnât help but notice how surprised Chris looked when he heard you felt the same way about him back in school. It was almost like things fell into place, which is what happened on your side as well. But, he was in a relationship at the time, so you two lost touch after the party.
You followed each other on social media but rarely spoke, deciding to keep your secret safe. Somehow and for some unknown reason, you felt that, sooner or later, life would bring you two together again and that youâd get to be with Chris. It had to work out that way.
After all, isnât he the guy whoâs ruined you for all other men? You havenât been in a steady relationship since school, since Lee Minho, to be exact. In your head, the only man that could beat Minho is Chris, and youâve never even been with Chris. So, when youâd meet a guy and start dating, youâd find yourself comparing the date with the ones youâve had with Minho or the ones you could have had with Chris, and they rarely fared well.Â
If some guys did make it into relationship territory, theyâd fade in comparison to the fiery dynamic you had with Minho or the soothing loving one you should have had with Chris.Â
And now, itâs all going down in flames. Chris is getting married. You canât have him, and you will never get the chance again.
At first, you feel happy for Christopher and Sunyoung. Youâre happy heâs met someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with, you really are. But then, a seed of doubt gets planted in you, an endless barrage of what-ifs that donât let you live. What if you two could make it work? Why have you never called Chris and asked him to go out with you? Youâve only told him you used to be in love with him, but you didnât tell him you still had feelings for him.Â
The more you think about it, the more you realize you have to go to the wedding. You need to go there and see whether you feel anything for this man. If you do, you have to tell him. If he turns you down, at least youâll know you tried. If you donât do anything, youâll spend your whole life wondering, and you canât handle that.
But, can you really show up single after all these years? Maybe it would be better if Christopher saw you with someone else, someone youâve had chemistry with, someone who can get under his skin. If that doesnât awake some sort of possessiveness in the man, nothing will, and youâll know for sure. And who better than to annoy good old Chris than your ex, Lee Minho?
Unlike you and Chris, Minho and you have stayed in touchâwell, sort of. You both live in the city and move in similar circles, still sharing the same friends back from school, even though neither one of you is too close with them. You see each other at a get-together here and there, youâve run into each other at a couple of weddings. Thereâs chemistry there, alright, but itâs still Minho and you, so it would never work. Despite that, you two still have a playful kind of friendship, if it can even be called that, so youâre sure that fool will understand this desperate move.
When you call him and explain your plan, the first thing that Minho asks comes out in the form of a scoff, âAnd whatâs in it for me?â
Of course. Typical Minho, only thinking about himself! But, then again, you are asking him a favor and are only focusing on you and Chris and this insane idea of yours, so that makes you even. âMy lovely company,â you suggest softly, which just makes Minho snicker harder.
âYouâre gonna have to do a bit better than that, pretty,â Minho explains, using that old nickname he had for you, the one that you used to both love and hate. Nowadays, you donât mind being called that by himâit just reminds you of good old times.
âOuch!â You chuckle, feigning hurt when you know itâs all just a big game to him, as always. âOkay, a free trip and booze arenât enough? I mean, your chances of getting laid at a wedding are astronomical.â
âYou say that as if I have trouble getting laid as it is,â he is quick to quip, as cocky as always. Well, he is right. If there is anyone who didnât have a problem finding a date, it is Minho, at least back in the day. âIâm listening.â
âI⊠Just do it as a favor?â Youâre asking too much of a guy whoâs a stranger nowadays, even though he used to know every nook and cranny of your body, having touched it in one way or another. Has he changed that much?
âWait, we havenât spoken sober in years and only see each other on Instagram nowadays, but youâre comfortable enough to ask this of me?â Minho asks in shock, pausing for a while. The longer the silence gets, the more uncomfortable you become with your stupid plan. Because thatâs what it isâstupid. âI donât think itâs a good idea, but I do have to note that youâve gotten a lot more confident. Crazy, sure, but still confident. Love to see it.â
âOh, shut up, Minho,â you bark back, remembering your old dynamic with the man. All you wanted was peace and love and quiet youâd surely get with Chris, even back then, and all you had with Minho was bickering. Granted, it did lead to great sex, but it got tiring after a while.Â
âOkay, then Iâll talk to you in another five years or so,â he says with a loud chuckle, clearly amused by your predicament. The bastard knows you need him, and heâs going to use it, you already know.
âNo! Listen, I need your help,â you sound a lot sweeter now, deciding to try to charm him into it, if that would even work on a man like him. âPlease.â
âLetâs meet up for drinks tomorrow night, huh?â Minho suggests with a tinge of softness in his voice. You can even picture him smiling, but sadly, you canât see it, so you donât know if your plan is working. âThis isnât something we should discuss over the phone. Besides, it gives me time to think about what Iâll get as a reward.â
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This wedding season, you're invited to the wedding of the one that got away. You have one chance to win Chris over or watch him be someone elseâs forever. Therefore, you need a master plan, which includes your insanely attractive (and mildly annoying) ex-boyfriend that Chris always hatedâLee Minho.
âą pairing: minho x fem!reader (chan is a side character)
âą word count: 79.3k
âą chapters: intro + 9
âą genre: smut, angst, non-idol!au, fake dating!au, exes to lovers!au, unrequited love, love triangle, exboyfriend!minho, ex!best friend chan
âą warnings: smut (warnings will be added to each chapter), the mc is trying to ruin a wedding and she's not that great of a person, pining, longing, all the good stuff; jisung is the bff we all deserve; a lot of angst and unresolved feelings; youâll like minho and dislike the mc
âą a/n: this was inspired by My Best Friend's Wedding & Just Go With It (general themes)
⹠masterlist ⥠updates ⥠read on AO3
âą minors please do not interact with this post or series in any way. if i notice youâre a minor commenting/liking/sharing my writing, iâll block you. no hard feelings, itâs just not content meant for minors.
⹠chapters: intro ⥠the plan ⥠the trip ⥠the hangout ⥠the unplanned activity ⥠the party ⥠the aftermath ⥠the other side ⥠the wedding ⥠the forever after
⹠drabbles: beginning ⥠the past ⥠care ⥠official ⥠insecure ⥠pretty ⥠love ⥠secret ⥠jealous ⥠ending
if you want to support my writing, you can buy me a coffee here and let me know what you think about it here. thank you! âĄ
My dumb ass started reading the forever after chapter without realizing this was a whole series đ i was soooo enraptured by it and entertained that even though i felt something was off i kept reading :^) but then i was like wait a damn minute this definitely got a back story to it that Iâm missing, Iâm so excited to read all the series now đ»
đđđđđđđđ: When you finally complete pouring your heart on an empty canvas painting your life, you leave your studio with no premonition of what the night had in store for you. Now your best friend and roommate is there to support you as you adjust to a new life.
đđđđđđđ: Hyunjin x Reader (Female)
đđđđđđđđ: blindness, blind reader, hospital scene, car accident, mention of drunk driving (not the reader or Hyunjin), friends to lovers, roommates to lovers, most of all: (lovable) idiots to lovers, angst, a lot of crying, mental and emotional breakdown, mention of past relationships, sharing a bed, drinking, insensitivity and indifference, insecurities, depression, therapy, hurt/comfort, smut, unprotected sex, reader has an implant, pet (guide) dog, much needed fluff
đđđđ đđđđđ: 28.8K
đ/đ: I got this idea long ago, and obviously this was one of the fanfics that was rotting at the bottom of my wip list. Then I came across this beautiful book titled 'All the Light We Cannot See' by Anthony Doerr, and I was tempted to finish this. Hyunjin's voice only lives may or may not have been the catalyst to speed up the process, even though this fanfic went under numerous title changes, iterations in word count length, too many plot changes, and about two months of uncertainty from me. This fanfic deals with a lot of sensitive content, so please proceed with caution and read the warnings. I would love to read your thoughts and I hope you enjoy it!
Wisp of your hair stuck to your face like spider webs. The insistent tangles tickled your nose with no mercy. You huffed, arched dramatically and tried to open your eyes with all your might, your legs extended out animatedly. You could see the unfamiliar darkness, and you squinted your eyes in hopes of relaxing your eye muscles. You bring your hands up, but to no avail when a sharp pain shoots through your ribs and up to your arm. You press your eyes again, this time trying to focus past the pain to make sense of your surroundings.
Then you hear it. Hyunjinâs voice is the first one you hear in your new world. Itâs the first spark of light, ironically, that anchors you to reality when the rest of the world has been ripped out from under you. Itâs something that you will think about much later in your life, something that you will always remember.Â
âNo, Ryujin, they donât know,â Hyunjin says. âY/n's mom talked to the doctors, and sheâs stable, but theyâre worried aboutââ Thereâs a beat of silence. âYeah, I know, Ryujin. Iâll call you when we know something.â
You are exhausted and sore, your entire body aching, images flashing across your eyes like a bruise changing colours. It might be why you canât open your eyes, why everything is still so dark. You try to say something, but it comes out like something between a mumble and a whimper. The kind of sound an animal makes when you know itâs too late to save it.
"Y/n?â
Your hand is enclosed by two larger ones, their warmth soothing. They are hands you know belong to Hyunjin. The long fingers, slightly calloused but familiar. Youâd know even if you hadnât heard his voice. âY/n, can you hear me?â
âIâŠâ you trail off, blinking your eyes furiously.Â
You canât see anything except the faintest outlines of darker shadows against a bright background, including what you think must be Hyunjin beside you. You untangle your hand from his and reach for your eyes again past the sharp pain, noting the shadow of your own hand as it approaches your face. But thatâs all you can see â shadows, outlines, darkness. You blink your eyes again and come to a horrifying realisation.
âI canât see properly,â you say, terrified and choking on a sob. âI canât see, I canâtââ
âY/n, hey. Y/n lookââ
Hyunjin cuts himself off. You canât look at him, canât find any comfort in his familiar face. You canât look at anything but the faintest of silhouettes. It's tunnel vision in the literal sense, the border of darkness increasing every second as if God's having the time of his life cranking up the vignette filter on queue.
âY/n,â he repeats, voice gentler this time. âDo you remember what happened?â
Hyunjin takes your hand again and you let him. Your other hand reaches for your face again, feeling across your tender skin. There are stitches from your forehead to your temple and you wince when your fingers brush over them.Â
âI canât see,â you repeat, feeling hot tears run down your cheeks as panic rises in your throat.
âY/n.â It isnât Hyunjinâs voice this time. Your motherâs voice holds utter relief, which you canât reconcile with your own despair. What is there to be relieved about right now?
âShe says she canât see,â Hyunjin says quietly, as if you wonât hear him. As if he can shield you from this.
âWhat?â your mother asks, taking your other hand, the one which hurts.
âWhatâs wrong with me?â you ask. âI canât see anything.â
âWe just called for the doctor, my baby. Do you remember what happened?â
You try to think, try to slow your spiralling thoughts. Youâre in a hospital, that much is clear. If you couldnât put the pieces together based on your injuries and the worry in their voices, youâd be able to tell from the sounds of the beeping machines and the sterile scent. Given that your mother was a nurse for most of your life, you have spent a fair amount of time in hospitals.Â
âI remember driving home from the studio,â you say slowly, voice shaking. âIt was night, it was late, and I was driving home from the studio. I called Hyunjin â I finished my piece, and â and thatâs it.â
âYou were in an accident, sweetheart. A drunk driver ran a red light.â
âHow long was I⊠when?â
âTwo nights ago,â Hyunjin tells you. âYou have a broken wrist and bruised ribs, but theyâre most worried about⊠You hit your head really hard. The doctors werenât sure if youâd have any memory loss. Do you remember that day?â
âYes,â you answer quietly. Your memories are fine â thatâs not what you're worried about. Given the silence in the room, you figure your mother and Hyunjin both understand that. âI canât see anything,â you repeat, as if saying it again might prompt someone to fix it. To fix you. Nobody answers you, but Hyunjin squeezes your hand.
They only wait a few minutes before a doctor arrives, although it feels like an eternity. Your mother keeps talking to you, telling you how they will figure this out together. Telling you how everything will be fine. But you know better. Your mother has never been able to handle when things donât go well â itâs why she destroyed her career and nearly destroyed their relationship with pills after your parents divorced, and your father left you. Anything to be okay, to be better. That isnât how life works though.Â
When the doctor arrives, he asks you standard questions. When he starts talking about your sight, nothing he says sounds optimistic. Thereâs a lot we will have to see and sometimes people regain their sight, but they often donât. The message is clear â thereâs a small chance that you will regain your sight completely, but you should prepare for the worst.Â
You are thankful that you arenât allowed to have visitors that arenât family right now. Of course, they must have lied about Hyunjin since he hasnât left your side. Or maybe they let him stay on account of the fact that heâs your emergency contact. You aren't sure how to process any of this and stay quiet, mostly responding to what your mother and Hyunjin say with non-committal hums.Â
âAre you hungry?â your mother asks.
âNo.â
âYou shouldââ
âIâm not hungry.â
Eventually, Josh comes by, which you are relieved for. He asks how you're feeling, which is a stupid question, but you get it. What else is he supposed to say? What is anyone supposed to say?
A nurse comes in a while later to tell them that visiting hours are over. Your mom tries to insist they stay, but you tell her they should go home and rest. You feel your mother press a gentle kiss to your head and then Josh tells you goodbye, placing a hand on your shoulder.
âMake sureââ
âI know, love. Donât worry about that, just focus on yourself â on getting better.â
You nod. The last thing that you need is for your accident to be the cause of your mother relapsing, but you trust Josh after all these years. In fact, you're grateful to some extent that your mother met him after your father left.
Once you're certain they are gone, you wait for Hyunjin to say something â to tell you goodnight, to tell you that he will be back in the morning. Instead, you hear only his steady breath beside you. He hasnât moved since you woke up, aside from bathroom breaks.
âHyunjin?â
âYeah?â he asks, sounding on high alert. âYou okay?â
"Donât you have to go home?â
Hyunjin scoffs. âThey can try to drag me out, but it wonât end well for them.â
For the first time since you woke up, you manage a smile, albeit a weak one. You should tell him to go home and rest. You should assure him that you will be fine for the night. You should tell him that you can handle this, that he doesnât need to worry.
You canât though. None of that is true.Â
***
âI donât know Ryujin⊠Itâll be like living with a teenager.â
Ryujin scoffed, rolling her eyes in your direction. You had to bite down on your lip to keep quiet. You initially felt bad that Ryujin put Hyunjin on speaker, unbeknownst to him, but you didnât feel as bad about it after that.Â
âSheâs 21 â the same age as me and you, and clearly more mature than you.â
You appreciated what Ryujin was trying to do, even if you suspected it was only because she was trying to soothe her own guilt. Your best friend and roommate of the past three years was leaving you high and dry with only a month to find a new roommate before the school year started.Â
Ryujin and you were randomly assigned roommates your freshman year at University and immediately hit it off. You both grew up together and Ryujin was there on an athletic scholarship, while you chose to stay close to home after you finally convinced your mother to go to rehab. You lived together your sophomore and junior years too, but Ryujin decided to move off-campus to live with her boyfriend for their senior year. You couldnât really be too mad about it â you were happy that your best friend was happy and in love. But still, it kind of sucked. The last thing you wanted was to be stuck in a dorm with a stranger for your senior year, but the rest of your friends had already made their living arrangements months ago.
âI donât know, Ryujin. I donât even know Y/n. We have only met a few times.â
You shot Ryujin a look that silently requested she wrap up the conversation. If Hyunjin didnât want you as a roommate, you werenât going to beg the guy.Â
âAs opposed to the rando from Craigslist that youâre going to end up living with when Jisung moves out? At least you know Y/n is normal and not some psycho or sociopath.â
You glared at Ryujin again, who simply shrugged. High bar, then. But still â she wasnât wrong. Hyunjinâs roommate and best friend was moving in with his teammate and leaving Hyunjin in a similar situation. On both ends, there would at least be the knowledge that your new roommate wasnât terrible. Ryujin could vouch for both of you. Besides, itâs not like you had to be best friends â you really just had to be civil with one another.Â
There was a long pause on the other end of the line before Hyunjin sighed. âFine, have her come over at some point this weekend and check the place out.â
~
You felt nervous as you knocked on the door to Hyunjinâs apartment. You didnât know much about him, besides what you have learned from Ryujin. Hyunjin was your age. Hyunjin was an art student, and that piqued your interest in him because you loved art. If you asked Ryujin, Hyunjin was pretty much the best person in the world, although you weren't sure your best friend would ever admit that to him. So you figured that either Hyunjin was pretty cool or Ryujin was incredibly biased. It was probably a bit of both.
The door swung open to reveal Hyunjin standing in jeans and a t-shirt, feet bare and wearing â what you didn't expect he would ever wear, or even have â a pink headband. The headband was a cute touch, but the guy was also undeniably hot. Your brain was having a hard time reconciling those two things.
âHey, Y/n,â he greeted you. âIs Ryuââ
âLast minute thing with Chan,â you told him, offering a good-natured eye roll. Ryujin was supposed to come with you, but maybe this was for the best. If they were going to be roommates, they would need to be able to stand in the same room alone.
Hyunjin laughed. âSounds about right these days. Come on in,â he told you, stepping aside.
The minute that you stepped into the apartment, you were pleasantly surprised. Ryujin had already assured you that Hyunjin was a lot cleaner than most guys â a neat freak even â which clearly wasnât an exaggeration. Everything was spotless and tidy. But you were mostly pleasantly surprised by how much you liked the actual apartment (and eyeing what you assumed to be a three litre water bottle). It had high ceilings, bright white walls, and hardwood floors â although they were old and scratched. One entire wall of the living room was exposed brick with an enormous window that let in ample sunlight. As an artist, you certainly appreciated good lighting.Â
âThis is nice,â you said, walking towards the kitchen. It was an open floor plan with an island, which made sense. The building itself seemed to be a renovated old warehouse, given its outside appearance and the style of the large window in the living room. âHow long have you lived here?â
âOh, just a couple of years,â he answered, running a hand through his hair.Â
He had pretty long hair, so different from what you were used to seeing. It wasnât the first time you were meeting Hyunjin, but the other times were mostly in passing and you never had a chance to really look at him.
âOh, um,â he added, walking down the hallway to the right. âThis would be your bedroom here,â he told you, opening the door to one of the bedrooms.Â
You walked in behind him, taking it in. It was nothing special, just an empty room that had the same floors and wall paint as the living room, but it was certainly nicer than a dorm room. There were a couple boxes on the floor, but it seemed that his roommate had already moved out. You appreciated the light shining through the two windows on one of the walls. As much as you were going to miss living with Ryujin, you could also admit it would be nice to have your own space again for the first time since high school.Â
âSo, how much would the rent be? Plus utilities and all that?â
âIt usually comes out to about $900 each, maybe a little less when the air conditioning isnât running in the winter.â
You nod. It was actually cheaper than living in the dorms, which wasnât surprising. You always knew the university robbed you when it came to student housing. Of course, you would be a little further from campus, but you were fine with taking the bus or driving.Â
âAnd thereâs only one bathroom, I hope thatâs cool.â
Given how clean the rest of the apartment was, you didnât think that would be an issue. You were used to sharing a bathroom with more than one person. If anything, you were a little worried you would have to make sure you werenât the messy one in this place.Â
âThat all sounds great,â you told him. âI mean, if you wouldnât mind me as a roommate Iâd love to take you up on it, but listen, I know Ryujin was pushy about this. So I wonât be insulted at all if you want to go with someone else.â
Hyunjin chuckled, crossing his arms as he leaned against the open doorway of the bedroom. âThat she is, but as she pointed out, I think weâre both a more safe option for each other than strangers. Iâm more than okay with this if you are.â
You smiled at him, trying not to let your gaze linger on the way his biceps flexed when he crossed his arms.Â
Oh no, you warned yourself. We are not going there. We are absolutely not developing a crush on your new roommate. Absolutely not.
âWell, I guess that makes us roommates then.â
~
The first summer with Hyunjin was a little awkward. You were both cordial and polite, but it also felt like you were walking on eggshells around each other. It made sense, of course â you didnât really know each other. You had also assumed Ryujin would come by more often, just to hang out with both of you and break some of the ice, but she continued spending most of her time with Chan throughout the summer.Â
It was mid-August when Hyunjin came home from work, only four days into the new school year. He found you watching Schittâs Creek on Netflix. Usually Hyunjin cooked dinner and ate it at the kitchen island or went straight to his room. You weren't sure why that night was different, but he came home and lingered in the living room, eyes on the screen.Â
âWhat are you watching?â he asked after a few minutes.
âOh, just Schittâs Creek. Itâs supposed to be funny. I just started, but itâs pretty good so far.â
Hyunjin was quiet for a beat before he asked if you minded if he joined you.Â
âOf course not. I can restart it.â
âOh you donât need toââ
âItâs okay,â you laughed. âI was only fifteen minutes into it.â
Thatâs how it started between the two of you. With a single episode of Schittâs Creek. After that, you started watching at least an episode together nearly every night. Then when you finished Schittâs Creek, you started watching Lucifer. Over the next four years of living together, watching new shows together became your thing. It was how you went from cohabitating strangers to friends to best friends.Â
Of course, it was more than television. It was the conversations that happened after the credits rolled. It was both your friend groups slowly becoming one. It was late-night mac and cheese when you both got back from the bars. It was you being there for Hyunjin when he lost his pet a year after you graduated and it was Hyunjin being there for you when your mother relapsed a year after that. It was easy like that between the two of you, an effortless falling together and becoming each other's support. There were countless moments, both big and small, that led to what you currently are⊠which you aren't really sure thereâs a word for. All you know is that Hyunjin is your person, and you're Hyunjinâs.Â
***
You don't know what time it is when you wake up. You blink your eyes open, your brain having convinced you that this is all just a nightmare. A bad nightmare which will wash away like any other, and you will be okay. You wait for the relief of reality to wash over you, but it doesnât. Not this time. You still canât see anything. The only thing you can deduce is that itâs night because itâs darker than it was earlier.
It makes you feel like you're being crushed, like you have been cut off from the entire world. As if you are in a cage and no amount of determination, strength, or skill, will bust the cage open. Even more than when you first woke up, when you were still dazed and exhausted, the panic rose in you like a tidal wave. You can feel your body trembling as you keep blinking your eyes, as if your sight will suddenly reappear if you do it enough. A sob escapes your throat â an ugly and violent one.
You can't see. In spite of your efforts, you can't see anything clearly. It's a blur of darkness, a betrayal of something unfair.
Then you hear it. Again. And as much as it's an assurance, it's also a check to the reality of the hour.
âY/n?â
Hyunjinâs voice in the darkness feels like a buoy in a storm. You reach for him, hand shaking terribly, and immediately feel his own hands wrap around yours.Â
âIâm here, Y/n.â
You try to respond, try to find the appropriate words, you want to ask him and hear him talk back, but there is no language for this type of grief. You realise how embarrassingly unfortunate it is that language is so inadequate right now. Instead, you let the sobs wrack through your body, even though it only hurts your aching body more. And that's all you can manage.
***
Hyunjin nervously shifts on his feet, crossing and uncrossing his arms as he waits for Ryujin in the hospital waiting room. He notices her the minute she walks in because of the frantic way she rushes towards him, Chan on her heels. She doesnât say anything before she wraps Hyunjin in a tight hug, as if itâs him who was in the accident and lost his sight. He feels sick at the reminder.Â
âHow is she?â Ryujin asks as soon as she pulls away. You woke up two days ago but haven't been up for visitors until today â and by visitors, he only means Ryujin. The rest of your friends are eager to visit, but you made it clear that you arenât up to seeing anyone else. At least not yet.
âI mean â I don't know. The same, I guess,â Hyunjin sighs, running a hand through his messy curls. âHer injuries are healing â the doctors are confident she will recover in that sense â but⊠Ryujin. Her sight â itâs â I donât think â I don't thinkââ Hyunjinâs voice cracks and he stops trying to speak when Ryujin takes his hand and squeezes it.Â
Hyunjin takes a deep breath and pulls his hand away, trying to keep it together. Heâs been trying to keep it together for four days now. He has to. You are depending on him and the last thing you need to worry about in all of this is how heâs feeling.Â
âOkay, letâs go,â Hyunjin says. He nods at Chan, who sits down in a waiting room chair as Hyunjin leads Ryujin to your room.
When they arrive at the room, the door is open and your mother is sitting in a chair next to your bed. Hyunjin softly knocks on the door and both your mother and you look up at them, your eyes unfocused as you look in their direction. He swallows thickly, something constricting his heart in his chest, and he is glad when Ryujin talks before he has to.Â
Ryujin speaks more gently than heâs used to as she walks over to you and greets you, pulling a chair up to the other side of the bed. Hyunjin steps out of the room, leaning against the hallway wall next to the door and giving them a chance to catch up. Your mother must have the same idea, because she walks out of the room a moment later. She gives Hyunjin a sad, sympathetic smile that doesnât reach her eyes.Â
âIâm going to grab a coffee. Do you want any?â
âIâm okay,â Hyunjin answers, shaking his head. âBut thank you,â he quickly adds.Â
Your mother only nods before walking away and Hyunjinâs eyes track her all the way down the hallway before she disappears around the corner.
You haven't said anything, but Hyunjin knows you like the back of his hand and is sure you're already worrying about whether this will trigger a relapse for your mother. Hyunjin hopes to God sheâll keep it together, because he canât watch you suffer through that on top of everything else. He can't let anyone else's feelings or fears cause you any other discomfort.
Hyunjinâs head drops back against the wall and he rubs his hands over his face. Heâs exhausted from sleepless nights at the hospital and worrying about you. Of course, he doesnât think that he would sleep any better back at your place together. Every time he closes his eyes, memories of the night of the accident nearly sends him into a panic all over again.
Hyunjin clearly remembers that he was grading his juniors' final projects in their living room, looking forward to the start of summer. He usually worked a few odd jobs throughout the summer, but was never as busy as he was throughout the school year, and volunteered to help with the assessment to learn a few things extra about fine arts. In fact, he promised himself that this summer would be the summer he threw himself back into dating for the first time in years.Â
He recently turned 25 and it served as a reminder that he was going to spend the rest of his life pathetically pining over his best friend if he didnât do something about it. By doing something, he meant getting over you. Telling you about his feelings wasnât an option. You had never given any signs that you might reciprocate his feelings and unlike him, had dated a few people over the years and frequently took people home from the bars. No â moving on from you was his only option, a necessary move he had to make, but he knew it would be easier said than done.
His phone buzzed on the coffee table and Hyunjin smiled when he saw that it was you calling. You rented a studio space with a few other artists and had been spending a lot of late nights there over the last few months working on a piece that youâd put your blood, sweat, and tears into â your words, not his. There were times the two of you would sit together with a cup of coffee each, painting and criticising each other's work. These, of course, were nights after your day job at the Seoul Arts Museum. But Hyunjin, nor anyone else, could ever convince you to slow down. You were probably calling now to see if he wanted whatever food you were picking up for dinner on the way home â even though it was past 9 p.m.Â
âHey,â he answered. âDid youââ
Hyunjin was cut off by you excitedly telling him that you finally finished the piece and gushing over it. He didnât mind being interrupted and couldnât help the smile that spread over his face. For him, there was nothing better than listening to you talk about something you were both passionate about, which was usually art. You were mid-sentence â no, maybe even mid-word â when your voice was cut off by the sound of a horn. His heart dropped into his stomach when it was followed by the worst noises he had ever heard. Gravel grinding. Glass shattering. Metal scraping metal. Your scream of his name. And then terrible silence.
Things were a blur after that. Hyunjin called your name over the line as he grabbed his keys, but the line was cut on your end by the time he got into the car. His heart pounded as he drove the route from your shared apartment to your studio, knuckles white from gripping the steering wheel as his eyes scanned the road. He didnât need to look hard. He could see the flashing blue and red lights long before he arrived at a four way intersection minutes from the studio you worked at. The police and ambulance must have arrived only minutes before Hyunjin, because the scene was still in complete chaos when he illegally parked down the street and ran towards the wreck on foot.Â
Hyunjin was desperately calling your name when he reached the smashed up cars, but his own voice sounded strange and bent, like he was hearing it from underwater.Â
âSirââ
A police officer put a hand on Hyunjinâs chest when he reached them, gently pushing him back as others taped off the area and directed the other cars in the area away from the scene.Â
âI canâtââ Hyunjin gasped, feeling like the wind had been knocked out of him. He called for you again before turning to the officer, who wasnât budging. âThatâs my, myââ
âYou know one of the drivers?â
Hyunjin forced himself to swallow, to make his words make sense. âThe silver car,â he said, pointing at it as tears welled in his eyes. The entire driver's side had been smashed in. âShe â she â sheâs myâ,â he stuttered, unable to find an appropriate word, blinking rapidly. âHer name is Y/n. Is she okay?â
As if on cue, Hyunjin watched as the medics rushed the car. âThatâs â thatâsââ He tried to free himself from the officer and move around him towards you, but the officer stopped him again.Â
âYou donât want to get in the way of the medics,â he told Hyunjin, although his voice was gentler now.Â
Despite the distance between them, Hyunjin had a clear view of you as they pulled you from the car. Your face was scratched, your forehead smeared with blood. You were unconscious. Unconscious orâ no. No, you had to only be unconscious. You would be fine. You were Y/n after all.
âIs she alive?â he asked the officer. âI have to â I have toââ
The officer called the name of a medic. He didnât clarify what he wanted to know but the medic must have understood because he called back that you had a pulse, but a head injury and possible internal bleeding.Â
âI need to be with her,â Hyunjin said, trying yet again to push the officer aside as a few tears escaped his eyes.Â
âYou need to go to Seoul General, and meet them there,â the officer told him. âThey are going to need medics in the ambulance with her.â Quieter, he added, âI promise they are doing everything they can. You need to let them and the doctors do their jobs.â
Hyunjin choked on a sob, slumping as he watched them load your stretcher into the ambulance. He barely remembered what happened after that. He thinks the officer said something, and somehow, he found himself running back to his car. His hands were threaded tight in his curls as he tried to take deep breaths. Somehow, he kept it together enough to make it to the hospital.Â
***
You stop keeping track of the days in the hospital. Itâs hard to care how many days pass when you arenât sure you even want to face whatever is to come next. If you were only injured, youâd be eager and determined to get better again. But there is no getting better. Not for you. Not when you can't make out anything but blurry shadows. That alone drains the fight from you. You wonder if it would have been better if you couldn't see at all. Because in the end, there is no light at the end of the tunnel. For you, there is no light at all.Â
Your mother comes to visit every day and itâs the only time that Hyunjin leaves, presumably to go home and shower before coming back a few hours later. Since itâs his summer vacation, he doesnât have a job he needs to compulsorily be at.
Hyunjin tries his best to distract you. Ordinarily, you would watch television or movies together. Thatâs your thing â or was your thing. Now, you mostly just talk. Hyunjin keeps you up-to-date on everything with your friends or whateverâs happening in the news. Sometimes you listen to audiobooks, but you find it difficult to focus on them and they usually end up giving you a headache if you listen too long.Â
Hyunjin also continues staying every night and you don't tell him to go home, even though you should. The thought of being alone in the dark is too much for you to bear. On the third or fourth night, the nurses start bringing him a cot to sleep on, so you feel a little better about him staying. But only a little. The fear is stronger than the guilt, but the guilt is still there.Â
You request that the rest of your friends not visit, even though you know via Hyunjin that they all want to. Besides Ryujin, you really canât handle sitting through multiple versions of people telling you that everything will be okay even though it wonât be, or bringing you flowers you canât see or cards you canât read. Itâs why you were okay with Ryujin coming. Itâs partly because you're closest with Ryujin â after Hyunjin, of course. But itâs also because you knew that Ryujin wouldnât sugarcoat the situation with false reassurances. She knows you well enough to know that it isnât what you need.Â
Throughout your time at the hospital, top specialist doctors come to assess you. You have no doubt that your mother pulled strings to get them here, but for once, you are okay with your mother pulling strings. But after the third doctor has no good news to offer, you tell your mom that you donât want to see any more. The hope and the subsequent letdown are too much to handle. For once, your mother doesn't push you on it.Â
Weeks pass as your body heals enough that the doctors deem it safe for you to return home. Your bruises yellow and your scars begin to heal â at least the ones people can see. Your wrist is still in a cast and your ribs are still sore, but walking hurts less with every day. Itâs time to go home, but that brings you little solace.Â
âY/n, sweetheart,â your mother starts. âJosh and I want you to come stay with us.â
âNo.â Hyunjinâs voice cuts through the room like a blade, surprising you. More than ever, you wish you could see what he must look like when his voice is so firm. âYou should come home, not somewhere else.â
âHyunjinââ your mother starts, but you cut her off.
âThat isnât fair to you,â you tell him, voice gentle. You suppose he will have to find a new roommate, but you can cover your half of the rent until he does. âThis isnât what you signed up for when you agreed to be my roommate,â you tell him, forcing a laugh. You think it might break some of the tension, but neither Hyunjin nor your mother laugh.Â
âMaybe not four years ago, but if you havenât noticed, youâre more than a roommate to me, Y/n,â Hyunjin answers. Your heart pounds at the fierceness of his words, unsure of how to interpret them. Until Hyunjin quickly adds, âYouâre my best friend.â
âSheâs going to need full time care right now,â your mother points out.Â
âI know,â Hyunjin says. âAnd Iâll be there.â
âHyunjinâŠâ you trail off, unsure of what to say. None of this is fair to him, no matter what he says. More than that, you don't want to be a burden to him. Hyunjin and you always took care of each other â he shouldnât have to spend all of his time taking care of you now.
âIt makes more sense for Y/n to return to the apartment â to the home that you already know,â Hyunjin argues. He knows you too well and is going for the logical argument because of it. âItâs already going to be a huge adjustment, so you should be in a place that you already know well.â
You canât deny thatâs true. You have never lived at the house that Josh and your mother now live in. At least at your own apartment, there would be familiarity. You are your motherâs daughter, which is evident in your mother's silence now.
âThatâs true,â your mother agrees, a beat later. âAnd Josh and I can come by the apartment as much as you need, but you should be somewhere familiar.â
You don't say anything, but you feel Hyunjin take your hand in his. You have grown a little too comfortable with your hand in Hyunjinâs after the last few weeks. His voice is quieter when he speaks again. Heâs not quite hiding his words from your mother, but they are clearly meant for you and you alone.
âYou would do the same if it were me,â Hyunjin points out. âYou would insist on it. It isnât fair of you to expect differently from me. So come home with me. You should come home.â
You take a deep breath before you squeeze Hyunjinâs hand. âOkay.â
Hyunjin takes a deep breath of his own. âOkay.â
***
Coming home makes everything worse.
When you were at the hospital, you could pretend that being blind was a strange interlude that might still change â that you might still magically heal. Returning to your home, to the place you live and have looked at everyday for the last four years, is a brutal reminder that there is no interlude. This is your life now.Â
You walk with your arm looped through Hyunjinâs down the hallway to your apartment door, your mother and Josh on your heels. Your mother is rattling off resources and exercises you need to keep up with outside of your physical therapy appointments, about buying a white cane, about learning braille, about a hundred things that you canât currently cope with. You stopped listening at some point in the car.
Hyunjin unlocks the door and guides you into the apartment. Itâs irrational, but for some reason, you expected to somehow sense your surroundings better at their apartment, but you feel just as lost as you did in the hospital. Innate frustration boils over in you and your chest feels tight.Â
âY/n?â
You donât realize you are crying until Hyunjin is wiping hot tears from your cheeks with his fingers.Â
âWhatâs wrong?â he asks.
âWhatâs wrong?â you echo, feeling yourself growing hysterical. âWhatâs wrong is that I canât see a fucking thing properly,â you say, voice cracking. âIâm â IâmââÂ
You feel Hyunjinâs arms wrap around you, holding you close to him. You havenât sobbed like this since the first night after you woke up, but the floodgates burst open again. Burying your face in Hyunjinâs shoulder, you inhale his familiar scent and let yourself fall apart in his arms. You feel a hand on your back that you know is your motherâs touch and eventually you calm down enough for them to guide you to the sofa.Â
Everyone else sits down and starts talking about your recovery, about the things they need to do. You don't listen and wonder if they can tell. While they talk, you make a list of everything you are losing instead. Everything you took for granted your entire life, that you never gave a second thought to. Some of the things are frivolous, but you grieve them all the same.Â
Shopping for new clothing. The sunset. Television and movies. Reading. Doing your makeup. Then of course, your entire life passion â art. Everything you worked for, everything you loved. You canât fathom that the night you finished the piece you put months of work into will be the only time you will ever be able to see it. It might as well only exist in your memory now. You canât fathom that it was your last piece and you didnât even know it. Yet, even that isnât what truly breaks you.Â
Itâs when you think of Hyunjin that you feel like your heart shatters in your chest. His unruly hair in the mornings and the way he runs a hand through it when heâs nervous. The moles that sprinkle his face and neck. The way his dark brown eyes dance with amusement when he teases you about something. The way that you could look into those eyes across a crowded room and feel as if it was only the two of you left in the world. The way that you could meet his gaze and without a word, somehow be able to communicate with him. All of it gone, just like that. All these things exist only in your memory now.Â
âY/n?âÂ
You turn in the direction of your motherâs voice. âYeah?â
âDid you hear what we said?â
âNo,â you answer honestly. You feel numb, now that you have exhausted your tears.Â
âYou have your first physical therapy appointment in two days, and Hyunjin said he will take you.â
âOkay,â you answer. You should fight him on that, have your mother take you so that he gets a break from taking care of you. But you simply donât have the energy to fight with a stubborn Hyunjin right now.
Your mother kisses you on the cheek before they leave, afraid to hug you too tightly because of your ribs. Once she and Josh leave, you are left sitting in the quiet apartment with Hyunjin.Â
âAre you hungry?â he asks. It sounds like heâs still standing near the front door.Â
âNo,â you answer. You run a hand over the space next to you on the couch until you find the pillow resting against the arm of the couch and gently lay down. Your sore ribs make you grit your teeth as you do. You hear Hyunjin walk towards you and a moment later, you feel a blanket fall over your body. Taking the material in your hand, you rub it between your fingers. Itâs soft, but worn. You have had this blanket since you moved in and the familiarity of its texture is a small, warm comfort.Â
âY/n?â
âIâm fine,â you tell him. The only thing worse than all of this is Hyunjin suffering too.Â
âYouâre not,â he answers. âAnd thatâs fine. Because you will be, okay? Weâre going to get through this together. I promise.â
âTogether,â you mindlessly echo.Â
âTogether,â he emphasises.Â
You feel him brush your hair out of your face before you close your eyes, letting the exhaustion of the day pull you under.
***
Itâs early evening when you wake from your nap. Hyunjin orders take out and the two of you make a list of things you need to do. One of the first things you do is mess with the settings on your phone so that the commands are voice activated. You barely even use Siri and know this will be a frustrating adjustment as much as everything else.Â
âOkay, try it now,â Hyunjin says.Â
You can still smell the pizza where Hyunjin set it down on the coffee table before sitting down next to you. You feel hyper aware of him every time he brushes against you when either of you shift on the couch.
When you successfully ask Siri the location of the museum and hear the correct response, you feel a little better about the small accomplishment.Â
âThank you,â you tell Hyunjin, your voice meek.Â
âOf course.â
âNo, I mean⊠for everything until now.â
Hyunjin is quiet beside you for a minute and that innate frustration comes back to you. You can read Hyunjin so well by the look on his face and it feels like a crucial part of your communication, your relationship, has simply vanished.Â
âYou donât need to thank me for anything, Y/n,â he finally says. âYouâre my best friend, there isnât anything I wouldnât do for you.â
Your heart both flutters and sinks at the term best friend. You are proud to hold that title, love when he says it, but canât help but wish that you were something more too.Â
âAre you tired?â he asks when you donât respond.
âYeah,â you confirm. âWhat time is it?â
Hyunjin doesnât answer and instead places your phone back in your hand. You feel a sense of gratefulness wash over you that itâs Hyunjin by your side during this. Not just because of how much you love him, but because of how much you trust him to help you through this instead of simply trying to take care of everything for you. Itâs a small gesture, but it helps you realize that Hyunjin still thinks that you are strong, that you are capable. His confidence in you helps permeate some of the helplessness you feel like you are drowning in.Â
âState time,â you say to the phone.Â
The phone tells you that itâs 8:48 p.m. and you exhale a sigh of relief. If you managed to get that simple task wrong, you think you might lose it.
Hyunjin begins cleaning up dinner from the coffee table and you stand, leaning down to run your hand along the coffee table so that you donât run into it.Â
âIs it better if we get rid of that?â he asks. It sounds like heâs near the kitchen now.
âNo,â you answer. âI know where everything is in the apartment, I just have to get used to it spatially I think.â
âOkay,â Hyunjin says. He sounds closer this time and you realise that heâs trailing behind you as you walk towards your bedroom, hand trailing against the wall as you do.Â
âI cleaned your room up, by the way,â Hyunjin says. âI didnât move anything so everything is where you keep it, I just wanted to make sure the floor and everything was clear.â
You huff a laugh as you push open the door to your room. âI guess we finally found a way to cure my messiness,â you joke, a wry smile itching the corners of your lips.
Hyunjin forces a laugh that you can tell isnât genuine. You wonder if someday you will be able to truly laugh about any of this without the heaviness of grief tainting every word.Â
You feel along the wall and switch on the lights. The lights help and you can see the shadows of objects that you know are your bed and your dresser. Hyunjin clears his throat as you walk towards the dresser and you wonder if he does it purposely, to let you know heâs still standing by the door. You feel along the drawers, opening the second one and running your hand over the t-shirts. You arenât sure which one you choose but theyâre all sleep t-shirts so you guess it doesnât matter. Then you pull out a pair of sleep shorts, which you can tell by the thin cotton material is a blue and white striped pair. Itâs only when you are holding them both in one hand and pushing in the drawer with the same good hand that you realise you donât know how you are going to manage to change into them. The cast on one of your wrists is a pain in the ass and it hurts to lift your arms due to your bruised ribs.Â
âHyunjin?â you ask, feeling a strange sense of panic at the thought of him having left.Â
âYeah?â he immediately answers.Â
âI know this is weird, but⊠can you help?â you force yourself to ask. You can feel your cheeks burning and know that Hyunjin's might be a deep pink.
âItâs not weird,â Hyunjin lies. Heâs just trying to make you feel better. âI donât mind.â
You listen to him walk closer before he takes your pajamas from your hands. He clears his throat, both of you hesitating for a beat.Â
âShirt first,â you prompt. âI, er⊠itâs hard to lift my arms.â
âYeah of course,â he quickly answers.Â
You can sense him close to you, can feel the heat of his body and smell his familiar scent. Itâs a scent you never really gave a lot of thought to before now â pine from his soap, and something else you have no name for. Your heart pounds against your will as you lift your arms to shoulder height, wincing as you do. You feel Hyunjin take hold of the bottom of your t-shirt, gently lifting it to expose your stomach and chest. You are wearing a loose cotton bralette that your mother brought to the hospital along your second day. Wearing almost nothing, given how vulnerable your situation makes you feel, you take a deep breath in to calm yourself. Neither of you speak as Hyunjin guides each arm out of the sleeves of the t-shirt one at a time, the only sounds in the room are your somewhat laboured breaths and the sound of cloth rubbing against skin. A chill runs up your spine after he pulls the t-shirt over your head and youâre left in the bralette and leggings in front of him.Â
âDo you â you want to keep that on?â he asks. You can hear the nerves in his voice.Â
âYeah,â you quickly answer, even though you never sleep with any kind of bra on. But you certainly arenât making this even more awkward than it already is. Hyunjin exhales loudly and you think itâs probably from relief. He helps you into your sleep t-shirt next, which is easier given that itâs about two sizes too big on you.Â
âUmm, howâŠâ he trails off.
âOh,â you answer. âI think Iâve got the shorts.â
Hyunjin exhales another deep breath. âAlright, Iâll be right outside if you need me.â
You wait until you hear the click of your door closing before slowly and gently pulling down your leggings. You kick them off and normally you would simply kick them to the side, left on your floor, but you guess you canât do that anymore. Everything is a hazard to you now. Given the state of your ribs and how hard it is to bend down, you will have to have Hyunjin pick them up this time. Because of your injuries and only having one good hand, getting into your shorts proves to be more difficult than you expected. It takes you ten minutes to manage it and you half expect Hyunjin to knock on the door and ask if you are okay, but heâs endlessly patient and never does. Once they are on, you carefully make your way to the door. You feel along the edge of it until your hand lands on the doorknob and you pull it open.
âHyunjin?â
âIâm right here,â he immediately answers, his voice only a foot away from you.Â
âI just need to brush my teeth and use the bathroom,â you tell him.
âDo you need help?â
âI donât think so,â you answer, feeling along the wall again as you walk further down the hallway to the bathroom. âIs everything where it usually is?â
âYeah. I cleaned things off the counter, but the tooth brushes are where they always are and the toothpaste is on the counter next to it.â
âOkay.â
You reach the door, feeling along the wall for the light switch. Once you flip it on, you walk in and shut the door behind you, knowing that Hyunjin will be waiting for you outside. Ordinarily, the hovering would drive you nuts. It did when you got the flu last year and it did when you sprained your ankle the year before that. This feels different though. This feels a hundred times more vulnerable and terrifying, and you canât find it in you to be anything but grateful for Hyunjin's constant presence.
You take longer than usual to brush your teeth and use the bathroom, but you find yourself proud when you manage it. Yet, as soon as you feel pride, shamefulness replaces it. Is this all you have now? Achievements in the form of everyday tasks that no one else thinks twice about? Itâs that thought that drives you to open the mirror cabinet.Â
You always used a night cream and thereâs no reason you should abandon your skin routine now. You are careful and determined as you run your finger along the items on the second shelf. You thought it would be easier to tell which was the night cream and were surprised at how similar the containers feel when there arenât colors and labels to differentiate them. Huffing in frustration, you pick up what you think is the night cream and pull it out. Before you even open it, you can tell itâs the container of vaseline Hyunjin uses more than you, and you put it back on the shelf. The next one you pick up and are certain that itâs your night cream. Your suspicions are confirmed when you twist the top off and inhale the familiar sandalwood and calendula scent.Â
You feel proud as you carefully set down the container on the top of the counter, holding the container in your good hand. You bring your other one up to your forehead, feeling across the scar that begins on your hairline above the edge of your eyebrow and continues down to your temple. They already took the stitches out, but the skin feels rough and bumpy under your fingers. You need to remember to ask Hyunjin how bad it looks.Â
Scooping a small amount of the cream with your finger on your casted arm, you go to set the container down on the counter. Instead, you set it down too close to the edge of the sink and hear the clatter of it falling in.Â
âFuck,â you curse, the cream still on your one finger.
âY/n, you okay?â Hyunjin calls from the other side of the door.Â
You ignore him, feeling around the sink with your good hand for the container only to discover that half of the night cream has been dumped into the sink. Your fingers land in some of the cream as you reach around for the container. Hot tears fill your eyes as frustration bubbles up in your chest and throat.Â
âFuck,â you curse again, your voice cracking this time.Â
âY/n?â
âIâm fine,â you quickly call, well aware that he will be able to tell by the way your voice wavers that you arenât. âI just spilled something.â
âCan I come in?â
You huff in frustration, feeling the tears spill from your eyes and down your cheeks. âFine.â
You can hear the door open before Hyunjin takes a few steps to meet you at the sink.
âI just â I just have to clean it up,â you tell him, no longer able to hide your tears. Â
You have never been a crier. In fact, you think you have cried more in front of Hyunjin since the accident than you have in the entire time that you have known him. Thinking of that makes you cry even harder, the embarrassment only bringing fresh tears to your eyes. You canât even wipe them away because your fingers on both hands are covered in the damn night cream.
âHey, hey,â Hyunjin soothes, wiping off your fingers with a washcloth. âItâs no big deal, weâll clean it up.â
You choke on a sob, wiping at your cheeks with your good hand now that you can. âIt is a big deal, because I canât do anything by myself. Iâm helpless, and useless, andââ
âHey,â Hyunjin cuts you off, his hands holding your face. The gesture makes you pause and you sniffle. âYou are not helpless. This is going to be an adjustment and itâll take time, but itâs going to be okay. Youâre going to be okay. This is just day one. We take this one day at a time and every day itâs going to get a little bit easier. Okay?â
You turn your head, looking down and prompting Hyunjin to drop your face. You want to believe him, but it feels enormous and impossible.Â
âI promise,â he adds. Hyunjin never lies to you and you try to convince yourself that this is no exception.Â
âOkay,â you finally answer.Â
You stand next to him, unsure of what else to do as he cleans up the sink. âWeâll start putting braille labels on everything,â he adds.Â
âThe problem wasnât me grabbing the wrong thing,â you argue, unable to mask your frustration. âBesides, I donât even know any braille,â you point out.
âItâll be a good way to start learning,â he says. âWith everyday items around the apartment.â
You take a deep breath. You don't have the energy to argue with him about it. A few minutes later, you hear him turn the faucet on, presumably to rinse the sink. After he turns it off, heâs quiet for a beat.
âDid you â do you still want to put this on?â
âNo,â you answer immediately. âI just want to go to bed.â
Hyunjin doesnât argue and you hear the mirror cabinet open and click close again.Â
You make your way back to your bedroom, listening to the creak of the hardwood floor as Hyunjin undoubtedly follows on your heels. You turn on the light and slowly make your way to your bed, your hand running over the top comforter. Your bed is actually made, which is a rarity. Another thing Hyunjin must have done while cleaning up your room. You pull down the blankets and climb into bed, your ribs still aching with each small movement. Thereâs also no way to get in a comfortable position with the cast on your arm.
âDo you need anything?â Hyunjin asks. It sounds like heâs still hovering at the doorway.
âNo,â you answer. But before he can respond, you change your mind. âHyunjin, wait. Will you sleep in here?â you blurt, before you can stop yourself.Â
You have gotten too used to Hyunjin sleeping beside you and when faced with spending the night completely alone in the dark, your heart begins racing with fear. Even so, you know youâre crossing a line. Hyunjin is already doing so much and this is hardly fair to him. You donât have the chance to take it back before he answers you.Â
âYeah, of course,â he tells you.Â
âSorry, Iââ
âI donât mind at all,â he assures you, voice quiet. âIâve just got to change and brush my teeth, Iâll be back in a few.â
âOkay,â you answer. You take a deep breath, closing your eyes and willing yourself to relax. When you hear Hyunjin return, you open your eyes just as he hits the lights, the shadows darkening. He doesnât say anything as you feel the bed dip under his weight next to you.Â
âIâm sorry,â you apologise again. You don't take back your request though.
âDonât be sorry,â he murmurs.Â
You shift even closer to him, not touching him but close enough to feel the heat of his body, to hear the sound of his breathing.Â
âIs this okay?â you ask, even though you already know the answer. You know there are few things in the world that Hyunjin would deny you right now. You never want to take advantage of that, but youâre more afraid of waking up alone than taking advantage of anyone right now.Â
âOf course,â he answers. His voice sounds rough in a way you donât understand. You donât have the time to contemplate it before your eyes grow heavy and you fall into a deep sleep.
***
The next few weeks are slow and hard. It reminds you of trying to get back in shape after not having worked out in a long time. Your job granted you indefinite sick leave, which you suspect has more to do with not wanting to get sued over disability accommodations than the kindness of their hearts, but you canât say you arenât relieved. You know you're lucky in that sense. Itâs also a relief because you canât imagine returning to work right now. Not when everyday tasks now exhaust you more than your job ever did.Â
But of course, as always, Hyunjin is there to make things bearable. The very first thing he does is start labeling everything in the apartment in braille. Apparently thereâs a teacher at work whoâs helping him make the labels, and over the first week home, the labels slowly appear on nearly every item in the apartment. They donât mean much to you now, but you start spending some time in the mornings learning braille with the help of online videos and it turns out Hyunjin was right â applying what youâre learning to simple household items is a good way to remember the lessons. He also reorganises a few things that make it easier for you and puts a railing on the shower for you.Â
When your white cane arrives, Hyunjin and you begin taking walks around the neighborhood every evening so that you can practice using it. If you're being honest, you hate the walks. It feels like an even sharper reminder of all the things you can no longer see in the world, all things that are easier to forget about from the safety of your apartment. But you enjoy being able to spend even more time with Hyunjin, who always manages to encourage you without pitying you. He makes it more fun and as time goes on, you try to focus less on what you canât see during the walks and more on what you can experience. The things that once existed only in the background are now at the forefront of your universe. The smell of fresh cut grass, the lilac flowers that line a part of the street perpendicular to yours. The sound of the birds chirping, of children playing in front lawns, of cars that pass them by. The feel of Hyunjinâs touch as he guides you over a bump in the sidewalk and the warmth of his arm under the pads of your fingertips when you lean on him for support.Â
The cast makes things more difficult, but you count your blessings that it was your working hand instead of your support hand that got injured, and remind yourself that things will be even easier when you finally get it taken off next month. Hyunjin also starts something of a game with you. When youâre hanging out, or in the car on the way to a doctor appointment, or even on one of your walks, he places an item in your hand and has you guess what the item is. At first, you thought it was stupid and went along with it to appease him, but you are starting to see the value in it. You have to communicate with the space around you in a new way and this helps you relearn the textures of the world, making it easier to navigate. Some things are easy, especially the items in your apartment you are already familiar with. Others, to your surprise, arenât easy. You feel a greater sense of pride when you get those ones right.
Your mother continues to stop by often and Josh assures you that sheâs still well, although you canât help but worry that he wonât tell you if she isnât. Your friends begin visiting you too, but always only one or two at a time so they donât overwhelm you. A month after the accident, itâs Ryujin and Chan who tell you the news while at your apartment for dinner.Â
You are all seated on the couches around the coffee table, eating the Chinese takeout that Ryujin and Chan picked up on their way over. As always these days, Hyunjin is sitting next to you on the couch, close enough that his arm occasionally brushes you, his warmth an active source of comfort. It sends sparks up your skin every time, which always immediately sours your mood. Your feelings for your best friend are even more tragic than before. Every day that passes, you think you fall a little harder for him, all the while knowing that you canât ever be together. Youâd never subject him to a life tied to you, to the complications and having to constantly care for you. It isnât fair to him, no matter how much you still want him. Not to mention, heâd have to actually have feelings for you in return, which you are not sure he does.
âGood news?â you question, after Ryujin tells you that they have news.
âWeâre not engaged,â Ryujin laughs. âOr pregnant for that matter, before you jump to conclusions.â
You laugh in return. âOkay, so good news about what?â
âAbout you, actually.â
âMe?â you question. You wouldnât associate anything having to do with your life under the category of good news at this point.
âAbout your art â the piece you finished the night of the accident.â
Hyunjin shifts next to you and you wonder if itâs because heâs also uncomfortable thinking about that night.Â
âWhat about it?â you ask, growing wary.Â
You had asked Ryujin and Chan to retrieve all your things from the studio for you, in part because Chan also shared the same studio space to work on his music, and Hyunjin worked at another art studio. You had also asked that they get rid of the paintings you finished, but Ryujin refused and told you that she would hold onto it. You didnât care either way, as long as it wasnât in your presence. You didnât need to be able to see the painting to not want it around. It was only a manifestation of shattered dreams now, a reminder of what you wouldn't be able to do, or share with Hyunjin anymore.
âWell, we submitted it to the exhibit that Sanctum is opening in two weeks and they loved it. Theyââ
âRyujin,â you warn.Â
âY/n, itâs a stunning piece and the world should be able to see it.â
âThatâs great for the world to see, not me anymore,â you snapped, unable to help yourself. You know that Ryujin meant well, it just hurts to be reminded of everything you have lost.
Ryujin says nothing and you wish you could see your friendâs expression, could guess as to what the impact of your words were.Â
Hyunjin sighs. âYou should have asked her, Ryujin.â
âIâm sorry, Y/n,â Ryujin apologizes. âI just thought thatâ Weâre just proud of you, thatâs all.â
You take a deep breath. âI know. Iâm sorry, I didnât mean to snap, I just â itâs hard, thatâs all. Itâs hard to be reminded of something I donât get to experience anymore, something that meant so much to me my entire life.â
You feel Ryujinâs small hand land on your leg in a comforting gesture. âI know, Iâm sorry. You can withdraw the piece if you want, of course. Itâs your art and itâs up to you, but the opportunity is there if you want it.â
Ryujin and Chan leave soon after they finish dinner and you stay on the couch while Hyunjin cleans up the takeout containers and puts the leftovers into the fridge. You donât do anything, just sit there and think about your art. It might be foolish to pull the piece from the exhibit given they have already accepted it, but it also feels pointless to display it.Â
âAre you okay?â
You look up in the direction of Hyunjinâs voice. It sounds like heâs standing in the kitchen area still. âIâm fine.â
âDo you want to hang out or are you tired?â
You sigh. âI donât know.â
If it were before the accident, you would have already turned on the television. Hyunjin would probably yell at you not to start the show without him and make you rewind if he missed even a minute of it. You miss those nights. They were easy and effortless. Now everytime Hyunjin and you hangout, itâs always to learn some new skill or make some adjustment to your new life. Itâs then you realise that you canât remember the last time you even heard the television on. You are not sure itâs been turned on once since you returned home from the hospital.Â
âYou know you can watch TV without me, right?â you add. âI donât mind.â
âI donât really care about TV,â he replies.
You knit your brow at his flippant response. âYou? You donât care about TV? Since when?â
âItâs just not a big deal, Y/n.â
âWell itâs a big deal to me,â you nearly yell, growing exasperated. âItâs a big deal if itâs yet another thing that you used to enjoy that you feel like you have to give up because of me,â you say, voice cracking.Â
Hyunjin exhales something between a laugh and scoff and you realise that he walked closer to you. âYou think I cared about watching TV? I just wanted an excuse to hang out with you. Thatâs all I cared about and all I care about now. I donât care what we do together.â
You swallow thickly, unsure of what to say to that. Your heart is beating in your ears and you know your cheeks are warm, but you canât even say with certainty why that is. It feels like a vulnerable admission of sorts, even though itâs not. Itâs simply your friend telling you that he likes to hang out with you.Â
âOh,â you answer dumbly, wondering if you could read his expression now would you be able to figure out if it meant otherwise.Â
Hyunjin chuckles and you feel the couch dip as he sits down next to you. âWe can listen to a podcast or an audiobook. I donât really care, Y/n. Whatever you want.â
âWell what do you want to do?â
âI donâtââ
âCome on, Hyunjin.â
He pauses. âLetâs do a podcast tonight â but you have to pick the genre.â
âFine, but you have to pick which show.â
âFine,â he laughs.
You bite down on a smile, feeling so much lighter than you did only minutes ago. âTrue crime,â you tell him.
âTrue crime it is.â
***
You lie awake on your back, listening for the telltale bounds of Hyunjin coming into your room, flipping off the lights and climbing into the bed beside you. You do this every night, just like he sleeps in your bed every night. He has since the night you returned home from the hospital. You never talk about it, even though itâs one of the stranger parts of your routine.
You suspect Hyunjin is waiting for you to tell him that you are okay, that you donât need him with you anymore. You worry that if heâs waiting for you to say something that heâll be waiting forever. Maybe there will be a night you wouldnât need him some day, but you are not sure that there will ever be a night you wouldnât want him here. You arenât sure you are a good enough person to make a distinction between the two and cut him loose.Â
You donât make a habit of talking in bed â you imagine that like you, Hyunjin knows that would cross some imaginary line. It would feel too close to pillow talk with a lover, to lay in the dark whispering to each other. But tonight, you canât turn your mind off. Itâs only about ten minutes after Hyunjin climbs into bed that you roll onto your side to face him and quietly say his name.
"Hyunjin?"
âYeah?â he asks, sounding groggy but still awake. âYou okay?â
âYeah,â you quickly answer. âI just⊠what do you think I should do?â you ask. âAbout my art piece.â
Hyunjin is quiet for a moment and you feel him shift in the bed. âI think it matters what you think you should do,â he answers.Â
He sounds clearer and less muffled now, so you guess that he rolled over to face you. You feel a pang of grief at not being able to see him, what he must look like in the shadows, washed in moonlight with his lips a mere foot from yours.Â
âI do think...â he adds, when you donât answer. âI think Ryujin was right about the world deserving to see your work. Youâre too talented to hide, Y/n. I know that it feels like that talent is lost, but itâs not. Itâs yours, and itâs still inside of you. Like everything else, youâre just going to have to find another venue to express it. Youâre still an artist â and you always will be.â
Tears prick your eyes at the sincerity of Hyunjinâs words. How can his faith in you be more blind than anything else?
âI didnât mean to upset you,â he murmurs. Before you can respond, you feel his thumb stroke across your cheek and swipe away a stray tear. Your breath catches. You feel lightheaded from his touch.Â
âYou didnât,â you assure him. âThe opposite. I donât know what I did to deserve you.â
âYouâve got it backwardsâ he replies.Â
The words hold a more serious tone than you expected and you swallow thickly, trying to think straight. Your ache for him is a physical pain in your chest. Your fingers move to your cheeks, wiping away the rest of the tears, already half-dried to your face. When you do, your fingers skim the edge of the scar at your temple.Â
âHow bad does it look?â you ask. âAnd donât lie to me to make me feel better,â you add. âI need to be able to trust that someone will always tell me the truth, even if itâs bad.â
Hyunjin hums. âWell in that case, I hate to break it to you, but you rival Freddy Krueger.â
âThatâs not funny,â you scold him, your laugh contradicting your words.Â
Hyunjin laughs too before taking a breath. You can feel the heat of his exhale on your face. âItâs not too bad,â he starts. âIt looked worse before â the skin was more irritated. I think the scar cream helped. The skin is healed and isnât discolored. You donât notice it when your hair is down, unless youâre looking for it.â
âThank you,â you whisper.Â
Hyunjinâs only response is to gently trail his fingers along the scar. His touch is so tender that you nearly cry again. You donât understand his reverence for something so jagged and broken.Â
âScars arenât something to be ashamed of,â he adds, dropping his hand. You wish he didnât. You wish you could feel his hands on you everywhere and all at once.Â
âI know,â you answer, because, truly, you do. âItâs more so⊠itâs weird that part of my appearance has changed and that everyone but me will know what I look like with that change. It feels like⊠like Iâm losing a piece of myself that everyone else still gets to keep.â
âWell⊠Iâll always be here to describe those changes to you. Every future wrinkle and gray hair, in horrifying detail.â
You laugh softly. âMuch appreciated.â
âAnytime,â he quips. You feel like somehow, you can hear the smile in his voice. You are both quiet for a minute and you canât help but wonder if Hyunjin is still staring at you, taking in every detail. It should make you feel uncomfortable, or vulnerable, but you feel warm, loved instead. Â
âGoodnight, Hyunjin,â you whisper.Â
âGoodnight,â he answers.Â
Neither of you roll over and you drift off to sleep, your breaths intermingled as one, your fingers interlaced.Â
***
Two days later, you decide that you are going to keep your piece in your local exhibit. Before the accident, it would be a no brainer. Getting a piece admitted in a Sanctum exhibit, the most exclusive art gallery in the city, would be considered your big break. Now, it feels more like an apt way for you to say goodbye.
Your friends are all excited though and insist that you come to the exhibitâs opening night. You reluctantly agree, unable to decide if you are more nervous or excited for it. If anything, you realise this is your first opportunity since the accident to have a real, solid goal â being prepared for that evening. So over the next two weeks, you throw yourself into your walks with Hyunjin and try to become as well-adjusted as possible for that night.Â
Three days before the exhibit opening, you get your cast taken off.
âHowâs it looking?â you ask Hyunjin, tentatively flexing your hand.Â
âLike a little alien arm.â
You burst into a laugh before scolding him to shut up, drawing a laugh from him. Â
âNo, it looks good,â he tells you, sincere this time. âYou know, the usual with casts. The muscle is weakened but thatâll go back to normal.â
You hold Hyunjinâs arm as he walks you through the hospital and to his car. Thereâs no one you trust more to drive you, but you still find yourself anxious every time you have to get in a car. You might trust Hyunjin, but you donât trust anyone else on the road. What makes it worse is that you feel like a sitting duck without your sight. You wonât even know when to be afraid of something before itâs too late.
Hyunjin must sense your nerves, because as soon as you hear his car door shut, he asks if you're okay.
âYeah, Iâm fine. I just â you know. I still get anxious.â
You wait to hear the jingle from Hyunjinâs keys and the rev of the engine as he turns the car on, but it doesnât come.
âYou never â you never asked about him.â
You fidget with the edge of your t-shirt. When they started to tell you about the drunk driver who hit you when you were in the hospital, you were still overwhelmed and in pain. You had snapped that you didnât care, nor did you ask for compensation because you didn't want anything to do with him, and no one had brought him up to you again.
âBecause⊠Iâm afraid,â you admit.Â
âAfraid?â Hyunjin questions, the confusion clear in his voice. âAfraid of what?â
âI was â I am so angry right now. Even on my good days, I feel so bitter with grief and â and Iâm afraid that if you tell me he died, or was hurt worse than me⊠that Iâd be happy about it.â
âY/nââ
âI know maybe I have a right to feel that way, or whatever, but it still makes me feel like a terrible person. I donât want to want that.â
Hyunjin is quiet for a beat. âI think the fact that youâre worried about that, pretty much means youâre far from a horrible person, Y/n.â
You turn in his direction, wishing more than anything that you could take comfort in the sincerity of his dark eyes. As if understanding exactly that, Hyunjin takes your hand in his, threading his fingers through yours and giving you a gentle squeeze. Itâs an instant comfort, but you donât know what to think when he starts the car without letting go, when he drives the entire route back to the apartment with your hand in his.
***
âAlright, close your eyes again,â Ryujin instructs. You do as your friend asks and feel the liquid eyeliner swipe across your eyelid.Â
âThank you for doing this,â you say quietly. Youâre sitting in your room in front of your vanity as Ryujin does your makeup for you. She already helped you curl your hair into loose waves and you are feeling better than you have in a long time as you get ready for the exhibit opening.Â
âPlease,â Ryujin huffs. âIâm happy to, you know that.â
You open your mouth to respond, but Ryujin interrupts you with a command to open your eyes.
âOkay, close again,â Ryujin says. You obey, and the room is quiet for a beat.Â
âIâm going to have to learn how to do this myself eventually, but itâs not exactly at the top of my priorities right now. Not to mention that it feels like one of the hardest things to relearn.â
âOr we can just teach Hyunjin to do your makeup,â she suggests. âWe both know heâd be willing to learn.â
You huff a laugh, unable to tell if your friend is being serious or not. âIâm not going to subject Hyunjin to that, especially with everything else he does for me. Besides, I still have to learn to do it on my own, like Iâll eventually have to learn how to do everything on my own. Hyunjin wonât be around forever.â
Ryujin stops moving the eyeliner and you donât know if itâs because sheâs finished or because sheâs surprised by your words. âWhy not?â
âWhat do you mean why not?â you question. âAnd can I open my eyes?â
âYeah, go ahead,â she answers. âAnd I mean⊠where exactly do you think Hyunjin is going in the foreseeable future?â
âI mean, eventually he is going to need to go back to his own life and he is going to start dating, and then get married, and have a family. He wants kids. Heâs always wanted that.â
Thereâs a long beat of silence before Ryujin sighs, rather dramatically. âHow can you be so dense, Y/n?â
âWhat?â
Ryujin doesnât answer, but you hear her moving, followed by the sound of the bedroom door clicking shut. âDense about Hyunjin,â Ryujin says, once sheâs in front of you again.Â
âWhat?â you question again, increasingly confused. âI thought he wanted kids?â
âOh my God, not about that,â Ryujin groans. âThe only person he wants to get married to and have a family with is you, Y/n. I mean â I have never said anything because Chan always tells me not to get involved, not to meddle,â your friend rambles. âBut this is getting out of hand. If you couldnât tell he loved you before the accident, how can you not tell even now?â
You exhale a deep breath you didnât realize you were holding. Your heart is thumping in your chest, unable to process what Ryujin is saying.Â
âBut he never â heâs never ââ
âHe's never what, Y/n? He has never dated anyone or even looked at another woman in literal years?â
You knit your brow, realising that Ryujin is right. His last relationship was with Ailee and only lasted about six months before it ended about two and a half years ago. You didnât realise it had been that long. It doesnât feel like years ago â his relationship with Ailee still feels like a recent wound when you think about it now. It was during that time you realised how deeply your own feelings for Hyunjin ran when you couldnât understand why you felt so sick seeing the two of them emerge from Hyunjinâs room in the mornings. You have had countless flings and one night stands yourself since then, but you have always been able to compartmentalize. You know your best friend well enough to know that he isnât the same.
âI didnât know,â you murmur. âAre you sure?â
âI mean, heâd never admit it to me , but I know him. Not better than you but longer than you, enough that I can notice he likes you.â
âWell, it doesnât matter anyway.â
âWhat do you mean it doesnât matter?â she questions, seemingly bewildered. âYou donât feel the same? Because it certainly looks that way from where Iâm sitting.â
You bite down on your lip. âIâm not going to subject Hyunjin to dealing with â with this for the rest of his life,â you say, voice cracking embarrassingly as you gesture vaguely around you.
"Y/n,â Ryujin gently says, placing her hand on your arm. âYou know I donât sugar coat things and you know how much I love you and Hyunjjn, and I am telling you right now that he would be the lucky one.â
You shake your head. âI just â I canât deal with any of that right now.â
âI know,â Ryujin answers. âBut⊠maybe someday. Thereâs no reason to close that door yet is all Iâm saying.â
***
You think this might be the first time that you have felt truly happy since you woke up in the hospital, since you lost your sight and your entire life changed. You chose to wear your favourite dove coloured cocktail dress that boasts a generous sweetheart cut and even though you wish you could wear a pair of strappy heels like you used to, you are feeling confident on Hyunjinâs arm as you walk into the gallery together.Â
Yet, as soon as you walk in, your nerves reemerge. Itâs not necessarily loud, but itâs the most crowded room you have been in since you lost your sight and it's overwhelming.Â
âDonât let me go, okay?â you murmur to Hyunjin, only half-joking.Â
âNever,â he promises, not a hint of humor in his voice. Your cheeks flush hot as you remember your earlier conversation with Ryujin.Â
Several of your friends are able to make it and they all congratulate you, complimenting you on the piece. Eventually Hyunjin and you grab two glasses of the free red wine that they are serving. You sip on it slowly, not having had any alcohol since the accident.Â
âWell⊠this is a bit uneventful given I canât see anything,â you joke.Â
Hyunjin huffs a laugh. âCome on, letâs go over to your piece,â he says.
Hyunjin leads you through the room and you listen to him mutter a few 'excuse me' to people in your path. He comes to a stop, presumably near your piece.Â
âTell me about it,â he says.
âTell you about it? About what?â
âYou spent hours upon hours on this piece, and itâs stunning, but youâve never talked about it. Tell me what it means â not all of us are incredibly intelligent and gifted. I need a little help.â
You laugh, ducking your head and squeezing his arm tighter. âItâs not exciting, and itâs kind of depressing.â
âHow about we let me be the judge of that.â
âWellâŠâ you start. âItâs kind of about grief. Those blue lines at the center,â you continue, remembering the painting. âItâs kind of the direct line between my father leaving us and my momâs addiction, but the yellow is about healing. About how people can break and still come back together again, even if itâs in a different shape than before. Different, but still whole again.â
Hyunjin exhales a breath. âYou amaze me every single day. You know that, right?â
You think of your conversation with Ryujin again and suddenly your proximity to Hyunjin makes you feel lightheaded. Before you can respond, you hear a womanâs voice somewhere near them.
âApparently the artist went blind,â she tells someone. âThatâs what they said.â
âPoor thing,â her companion tuts. âSuch a shame to see talent like that go down the drain.â
Your entire body tenses and you clench your jaw, willing the tears you feel in your throat not to escape down your face.Â
âY/n,â Hyunjin starts. You know from his gentle tone that he heard it too, and you hate that even more. âTheyâreââ
âI want to go home,â you cut him off, voice sharper than intended.Â
âHyunjin,â you interrupt him, louder than intended. You wonder if people are staring at you and Hyunjin, and frustration simmers inside you. Frustration at not being able to tell if people are staring, frustration at the fact that you canât even storm off like you want to because you're dependent on Hyunjin. You are stuck.Â
âOkay,â he says softly. You hate his tone. You wish heâd yell back, but he doesnât say anything more as he walks you through the room. At one point he takes the glass of wine from your hand, setting it down somewhere. When he pushes open the door, the balmy summer air envelopes you, the buildingâs AC escaping into the night. Neither of you speak on the walk to the car or on the drive home. Hyunjin waits until he turns the car off to say something.Â
âThey donât know what theyâre talking about,â he says quietly. âTheyââ
âDonât,â you cut him off, swallowing thickly in an attempt to keep your tears at bay. âThe only thing worse than what they said is pretending that itâs not the truth, Hyunjin.â
***
You are already in bed when Hyunjin gets a call from Ryujin. Heâs just finished brushing his teeth and slides on his flip flops, walking outside to take the call.Â
âHey,â he greets her, sitting down on the curb in front of their building.Â
âHow is she?â
âUpset,â he answers. âWith them, with the world⊠with me.â
âSheâs not upset with you, Jinnie,â Ryujin assures him without missing a beat. He doesnât believe her.Â
âFuck, Ryujin,â he says, voice cracking as he runs a hand through his hair. âI donât know how to do this, how to help her. I feel like Iâm saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, like Iâm failing her, and I justââ he swallows his tears, squeezing his eyes shut and pinching his temples.
Hyunjin listens to Ryujinâs breath on the other end of the line as she waits for him to continue. He opens his mouth, but a choked, loud sob swallows his words.Â
"Hyunjin,â Ryujin soothes.Â
âIâm sorry,â he immediately answers, trying to collect himself. âI'm being pathetic when this isnât even about me.â
âHyunjin, donât be ridiculous. Youâre allowed to have feelings about this. I know you feel like you have to be strong for Y/n right now, but you donât need to be strong for me. Your grief is as real as Y/n's, even if it isnât the same.â
Hyunjin sniffles, wiping away the tears streaming down his face. âI shouldnât have let her go tonight. She wasnât ready.â
Ryujin huffs. âThat wasnât your choice. Not at all, Hyunjin. If you start trying to tell you what to do, then you really are going to have problems.â
Hyunjin huffs a humourless laugh. âI just miss her,â he admits. âI thought this was a good idea, because I hoped that â that, I donât know. Selfishly, I thought maybe it would help her get back to her old self a little. Nothing ever made her happy like art did, and she just â itâs so fucking unfair, Ryujin. Everything about this is cruel and unfair.â
âI know, Jinnie.â
He takes a deep breath. âThis is going to sound so stupid, and so selfish. Itâs such a small thing in the grand scheme of everything that Y/n is going through, and to have the audacity to complain about it is⊠is terrible. But I keep â thereâs this look in her eye that sheâd get when Iâd tease her. Like this stubborn, amused glint when she would look back at me. And I just â we didnât even need words sometimes. Just a look was enough, and I â and I ââ Another sob escapes him and he rubs at his eyes. âIâd just give anything to see that, to have that one more time. To see her smile in my direction, I miss her smile. I miss her so much.â
Ryujin doesnât say anything after that. She just lets him cry until he manages to collect himself again.
âIâve got to head back up, sheâs going to wonder where I went,â Hyunjin says.
âOkay, I love you. And⊠and try to go easy on yourself. Youâve been there for Y/n in ways no one else has or ever could, and I know that she knows that. I know that she appreciates it.â
He sighs. âMaybe. I love you too, Ryujjn.â
Hyunjin splashes his face with cold water when heâs back in the apartment, taking a few deep breaths before he heads to your room. For the first time since you came home, he thinks you might not even want him in there tonight. You seemed frustrated with him, to say the least. He opens the door, knocking on it.Â
You sit up in bed. The lights are still on. âHyunjin?â
âDo you⊠do you want me to stay?â
You swallow thickly and he notices that your own eyes are as bloodshot as his.Â
âPlease,â you quietly respond. âIf thatâs still okay,â you immediately add.
âOf course,â he answers, exhaling a sigh of relief. He hits the lights off and gets into his side of the bed, wondering when exactly he started thinking that he has a side of your bed.Â
âIâm sorry,â he tells you. His voice feels too loud in the dark.Â
âYou have nothing to be sorry for,â you murmur.
To his surprise, you shift even closer to him. You reach towards him, your hand landing on his stomach. The warmth of it bleeds through his t-shirt and ignites an aching want in him.Â
âIs this okay?â you ask, curling into his side. Your voice wavers, delicate and unsteady.
âOf course,â he answers, his own voice rough.Â
He wraps a hesitant arm around your waist, holding you to him, waiting for you to express your discomfort. Instead, you melt into him and he lets his arm relax against you.Â
âYouâre going to get through this, Y/n,â he murmurs into the darkness.Â
âIâm not as strong as you think,â you answer, voice cracking.Â
âYou are,â he assures you. His voice is steadier than it was when he was sobbing on the phone to Ryujin. Maybe itâs because heâs run out of tears. Maybe itâs because he has so much blind faith in what you are capable of. He believes in you more than any person, more than any religion or way of life. âYou donât have to be strong all the time,â he continues. âIâll be here when you need to catch your breath or fall apart. But you are strong. I know that even when you fall, youâll stand again. I know you can do this.â
Your only answer is gripping his t-shirt tighter, your small hand trying to hold as much of the material in your fist as possible. Hyunjin is still trying to think of something more to say when you bury your face in his shoulder and begin to sob. He holds you until your tears soak his t-shirt, until you quieten, until you exhaust yourself and fall into a fitful sleep.Â
****
You are quiet the next day. You are quiet the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. You donât practice braille in the morning and refuse to go on any walks with Hyunjin, even when he asks you everyday. In fact, you spend most of your time listening to music, or audiobooks, or podcasts, but you keep your headphones in. You donât invite Hyunjin to join you and exist in your apartment like a ghost.
You also know that it's of no use, but you try. Try to close your eyes and open them again in hopes of being able to magically see again. Try to rub your eyes till your skin irritates you to be able to see more than blurry silhouettes. Try to be to yourself so that no one sees your struggling self, especially Hyunjin. You don't want to hear people talk about you in a pitiful manner, in a way Hyunjin's perception about you changes and he sees you with pity too.
***
To say that Hyunjin is in over his head is an understatement. He has no idea how to reach you or how to make an impossible situation any easier. You break his heart every day, over and over and over again, when you answer with your hums or shakes of head. When you don't ask for what you want, when you turn yourself away from him if he stays for more than five minutes. But the last thing he can do is let you know how much it hurts him to see you hurting. So he tries again.
âY/n?â he calls, walking into the living room from the kitchen.Â
He finds you on the couch, curled up with a blanket with your airpods in your ears and your eyes closed. Not wanting to startle you, he walks over and sits down on the coffee table in front of you before tapping on your knee. Your eyes open slowly, staring straight ahead, and you take out one of the airpods.Â
âYeah?â
âAnything sounds good for dinner?â
âIâm not hungry.â
Hyunjin chews on the inside of his cheek. âWell, youâve got to eat something. So what sounds good?â
âWhatever you want,â you tell him, putting the airpod back into your ear and closing your eyes again.Â
Hyunjin takes a deep breath, running his hand through his hair before standing and walking back into the kitchen. He starts making pasta and meatballs with vodka sauce, which you usually enjoy, his mind reeling with all the ways he feels completely helpless. Ryujin is the only one heâs told about how bad you have been in the week since the exhibit opening. He hears you on the phone with your mother, telling her that you are doing fine, but all the while making excuses as to why it isnât a good day for your mother to come over. He has half a mind to take the phone from you and tell your mother the truth, but he doesnât.
Hyunjin feels like heâs barely keeping you afloat and only two constants from your previous routine remain. The first is the guessing game you play â Hyunjin still gives you items and has you tell Hyunjin what they are. He has no idea why you donât tell him to shut up and knock it off, but he suspects you appease him with what little energy and motivation you have, simply to make him feel better. The second constant is that Hyunjin continues to sleep in your bed every night. Yet, despite the fact he wishes you would, you keep your space â further away from before â and don't curl up with him again like the night of the exhibit opening. Not even once.Â
***
Itâs over a week after the exhibit opening when Ryujin calls you, although you arenât sure how many days itâs been. They all kind of blend together. You feel like you are existing more than living, but you canât really find any energy in yourself to care about changing that. You continue keeping Hyunjin at armâs length too, knowing that to let him get any closer than he already is will only be detrimental to both of you moving forward. Of course, that never transcripts into you finding the strength to tell him you donât need him in your bed with you, but you figure you will get there eventually. After all, the numbness grows everyday.Â
The first time Ryujin calls, you ignore it. You ignore the second call too. But when you call a third time, dread creeps into your chest. Hyunjin left for the grocery store an hour ago and maybe something happened. He invited you, of course, but you refused to go. Itâs the thought that something may have happened to someone you love that drives you to pick up Ryujinâs third call on the last ring.
âHey,â you answer. âIs everything alright?â
Ryujin huffs on the other end of the line. âI could ask you the same thing. Why are you dodging my calls?â
âI was in the shower,â you lie, taking in a deep breath now that you know nothing has happened to Hyunjin, or else she would not sound amused.
âSure,â Ryujin answers, calling bullshit with a single word. You wonder if Hyunjin mentioned you havenât showered in days. âHow are you?â
âFine.â
âYou donât sound fine.â
âWell, I am telling you I am,â you snap. You feel that bitter anger spark in your chest. The anger you have been trying to swallow for weeks.Â
âOkayâ Ryujin slowly answers. âWell in that case, I was thinking all of us can get together at your place this Friday.â
âThis Friday?â you question, realising you donât know exactly when that is.
âYesâŠâ Ryujin starts. She sounds uneasy. âAs in two days.â
âOkay.â
âOkay?âÂ
âI donât care, Ryujin,â you answer. The conversation is draining you and right now, you are willing to do anything to end it. âThatâs fine with me.â
âGreat!â Ryujin answers. Her enthusiasm sounds forced. âIâll let everyone know to bring a dish.â
âGreat â I have got to go. Iâll talk to you later.â
You donât wait for an answer before you hang up.Â
Hyunjin returns about an hour later. When you mention that your friends are going to come over on Friday, heâs quiet for a moment.
âAre you sure youâre up for that?â he finally asks. His voice is some strange mix of hopeful and wary. Like you told him something he knows is too good to be true, but is determined to believe anyway.Â
âYeah, itâs fine.â
âBut do you want them to come over?â
You take a deep breath. You donât want anything at all, but you canât tell him that. âYeah, itâll be fun,â you say with a shrug. Hyunjin doesnât ask you about it again and you still arenât sure that he believes you.Â
***
You shower Friday afternoon and pull on a pair of leggings and your sweatshirt. You donât do more than putting on deodorant and brushing out your hair, but you admittedly feel a little better, fresh.
Of course, that doesnât mean you feel any less drained and exhausted. You find yourself dreading the arrival of your friends and feel that thought as a fresh pang of grief. These used to be some of your favourite nights â the game nights and movie nights where they brought food and drinks to share, rotating houses and apartments each time. You canât play those games now, canât watch movies anymore. You arenât even sure what they are even supposed to do tonight. Itâs just another thing you lost with your sight.
Minho, Felix, and Yeji show up first. Seungmin and Lia show up a few minutes later, followed by Chan and Ryujin, then Jisung. Changbin and Jeongin are the last to arrive, running late because they were babysitting Changbinâs niece. You stay on the couch and do your best to smile in the direction of their voices when they greet you and hug you. Minho and Felix announce they are going to put a few dishes in the oven and you hear everyone else pouring drinks and setting dishes on the coffee table before they sit around the living room and begin chatting.Â
âYou okay?â Hyunjin murmurs as he sits down next to you, placing a glass of wine in your hands.Â
âIâm fine,â you answer, the two words feeling like a rehearsed line. Feeling Hyunjin pressed against you is a small comfort, but not enough.Â
After Minho and Felix join you all, you wait for someone to suggest they do something â watch a movie or play a game. Instead, everyone seems content to just talk. You should feel relieved, but instead you feel guilty and also a little lost. Itâs the same sensation you felt at the gallery, completely overwhelmed by the amount of voices competing for attention in the room, despite the voices belonging to those you know best.Â
Hyunjin leans closer to quietly ask you if you want him to make you a plate. It is then you realise that, per usual, people probably brought a lot of hors d'oeuvres and dips. It shouldnât surprise you because thatâs what people usually bring, but now it suddenly feels complicated. Hyunjin starts listing what people have brought, his voice hard to focus on amongst everyone elseâs.
âIâm not hungry,â you lie, tired all of a sudden. Even if he makes you a plate, you arenât sure how you are going to eat without knowing whatâs on your plate and where without making a fool out of yourself.Â
âY/n, you haveââ
âIâm sure,â you insist, taking a generous sip of the wine as you try to pay attention to what Yeji is saying about her new boss.Â
Against your will, you feel tears clog your throat. You donât even understand them, other than the fact youâre exhausted and frustrated that you can barely follow the conversation. You also feel a bitter jealousy as your friends discuss their lives, lives they live with an ease you no longer have access to.Â
âY/n.â Hyunjinâs voice is quiet and you can tell he knows you are upset, and that makes you hate everything even more. The fear that Hyunjin of all people would start pitying you than encouraging you is materialising, and you can't do anything to change that. Before anyone else notices you try to collect yourself.
âIâm fine, I just, er, I just need to use the bathroom.â
You lean forward to set your glass of wine down on the coffee table, only to hear it knock across the wood of the coffee table and shatter.Â
âFuck,â you curse, choking on the word as your friends quiet around you. You hear someone shuffle, presumably to get paper towels, but Hyunjin remains seated next to you.Â
âIâm sorry,â you say, your words tasting of tears.Â
âHey, itâs okay, Y/n,âChan says, somewhere on your left. The rest of your friends echo him, assuring you itâs no big deal.
âNo, itâs not okay,â you snap at them. âNothing â nothing is okay.â Then quieter, âIâm sorry. I just â I don't know, you guys should go,â you say, trying to stand.
Hyunjin stops you. âThereâs glass, hold on,â he murmurs.Â
You bite on your bottom lip, the frustration at once again being dependent on him simmering in you once again. Only another second passes before Hyunjin quietly tells you to hold on, gently taking you by your arms and guiding you a few feet away. You donât say anything else as you break away from him, carefully making your way down the hall to your bedroom. Flipping on the lights, you close the door behind you before making your way over to your bed and laying down. Your cheeks are flushed hot with embarrassment and your chest is aching with unshed tears.Â
Only a few minutes pass before thereâs a knock on your door.
âIâm fine, Hyunjin,â you call. Your voice sounds strange. Broken and detached.Â
You hear the door open and someone stepping in before shutting it again. âNot Hyunjin,â Ryujin says.Â
You don't move. You stay on your side, clinging to your pillow and facing the wall perpendicular to the one with the bedroom door. âI said you guys should go.â
You feel the bed dip next to you. âThey are,â Ryujin answers. âThey are cleaning up.â
âIâm sorry I ruined tonight.â
âYou didnât ruin a thing,â your friend tells you. âWe just want to be here for you, in whatever way we can. Iâm sorry I pushed this. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I should have listened to what you werenât saying.â
âThere is no right thing,â you answer, exhaling a watery breath. âEverything⊠everything is so fucked up.â
âI know. But it wonât always be.â
âBut it feels like this is what it will ever be. It feels like itâs never going to get any better, and Iâm just dragging Hyunjin, and you, and everyone else down with me.â
âThat couldnât be further from the truth,â Ryujin answers softly. You take a deep breath, feeling exhausted, your eyes growing heavy, and you can't get yourself to answer her. âGet some sleep,â she adds, reaching out to clasp your hand. You lay together in silence until somehow, you manage to drift off.Â
***
âY/n?â
You can tell that itâs morning when you open your eyes. What you donât know is why you hear your motherâs voice.Â
âY/n, sweetie,â your mother says again, pushing the hair off your face. You rub at your eyes, sitting up in your bed.Â
âMom?â you question. âWhat are you doing here?â
âHyunjin called last night.â She hesitates for a beat. âHeâs worried about you.â
You swallow a lump of guilt. âIâm sorryââ
âThereâs nothing to be sorry for, sweetheart. We love you.â Your eyes flutter shut. Maybe Hyunjin has finally had enough and asked your mother to come take you. âHe was asking for advice because he said you have been feeling low and that you aren't responding well. I found a doctor I want to take you to this afternoon.â
You huff, shaking your head. âWe have heard from all the doctors, mom. Thereâs nothing they can do, theyââ
âNot that kind of doctor,â your mother clarifies. âDr. Devorah is a psychiatrist I used to work with. She has worked with others who have lost their vision and agreed to squeeze you in for an appointment today.â
You take a deep breath. You canât imagine anyone being able to help when thereâs nothing they can do to bring your old life back, but you figure you owe it to your friends and family to give it a shot. Most of all, you owe it to Hyunjin.
âAlright,â you agree.Â
As if on cue, someone knocks on your door. âGood morning,â Hyunjin announces before you can respond. His voice sounds tight and anxious.Â
Your mother kisses your temple before telling you that she will be in the living room. You hear the door click shut and a minute later, you feel Hyunjin sit on the edge of your bed where your mother was sitting a minute ago.Â
"Y/n,â he starts. âIâm really sorry,â he says, his apology confusing you. âI called your mom because I just thought, because Iââ
You lunge forward, awkwardly throwing yourself at Hyunjin and wrapping your arms around his neck. Hyunjin tenses in surprise for a beat before his arms wrap around your center and hold you close to him. Your lips graze the bare skin of his neck and you feel his hold on you tighten. Your cheeks flush, but you donât let go.
âThank you,â you murmur. âFor everything. I donât know what Iâd do without you.â
âBack at you.â
You huff, finally pulling away. Hyunjin takes hold of your face, his touch both gentle and forceful as he cradles it. âI mean that,â he insists. âDonât think for a second that you need me more than I need you.â
Your whole face and neck burns now and you wish you could read his face. You wish you could see the exact distance between your lips, but he abruptly lets you go before you can give it a second thought.Â
âI made pancakes,â he tells you. âAnd coffee.â
You smile. It isnât a huge smile. Itâs a smile that still tires you a bit, still weighs as much as your heavy heart, but itâs your first genuine one in days.Â
âPancakes and coffee sounds great.â
***
You are quiet on the drive to Dr. Devorahâs office. The humidity of the early August air against your skin is an abrupt reminder you haven't even been outside since the night of the exhibit opening.Â
âYou okay, honey?â your mom asks.
No. âIâm fine,â you answer.Â
Hyunjin volunteered to drive you to the appointment, but you insisted your mother bring you. Hyunjin deserves a break from dealing with you, no matter what he says.
You didnât bring your white cane with you, just the thought of using it too exhausting for you. Instead, you depend on your mother to guide you into the building, and into Dr. Devorahâs office ten minutes later. The doctor doesnât say anything until the door clicks shut and you are alone.
âItâs nice to meet you, Y/n.â
You are taken aback by the womanâs voice. You expected something gentle or maybe even clinical. Instead, Dr. Devorah seems like sheâs the type of woman youâd find throwing back a beer in a pub and telling any guy who approached her to fuck off.
âYou too.â
âWhy donât you tell me why youâre here,â she suggests.
You open your mouth in surprise, hesitating for a moment. âAre you serious? I think itâs pretty obvious.â
âItâs obvious you lost your sight,â she tells you. âBut Iâm not the kind of doctor that deals with that, so why donât you tell me why youâre in my office.â
âIââ you pause, closing your mouth again. You donât know how to begin to articulate what you have been feeling â or not feeling â since the accident.
âMy mom and friend think Iâm depressed,â you settle on.
âAnd are you?â
âI donât know,â you answer honestly. âMaybe. Probably.â
âWell Iâd be pleasantly surprised if you werenât. You have undergone a traumatic event. That isnât the type of thing that only affects your body, and it certainly isnât easy to process.â
âWell, thereâs nothing to be done. Iâll never heal from this, the doctors told me as such.â
âYour vision will never heal completely, but you can certainly heal. I'm not providing any medical advice, but your vision â as per your doctors â will slightly become more than shadows, something close to figures even, and that will take time. In that time, you can heal from this trauma and move forward, even if the forward looks different than it used to.â Your mind drifts to your explanation of your painting, surprising you. âTo do that, I need you to do two things for yourself. First, you need to show up. You need to put in the work. Youâre allowed to fall apart, but you arenât allowed to stay down. Got it?â
âOkayâŠâ you answer hesitantly.Â
âSecond, I need you to be honest with me. Brutally honest, with both me and yourself. Can you do those two things for yourself?â
You knit your brow, unsure of how to respond. The doctorâs words feel like a splash of ice water to the face.
âNo one else can live your life for you,â Dr. Devorah continues. âYou have got to put in the work. You have to believe you are strong enough to handle it. I know you donât yet, and thatâs okay. Weâll get there. But in the meantime, you show up. Because what I can promise is that itâs worth it. Itâs worth it to heal. Deal?â
âDeal,â you find yourself agreeing, before you can think too hard about it.Â
Forget a woman in a pub. This woman reminds you of a drill sergeant and to your surprise, the doctorâs confidence and no bullshit attitude feels like a soothing balm to your shattered soul. Maybe the doctor is right. Maybe it isnât too late to pick up the pieces, to rearrange them into something resembling happiness again.
âSo, how are you feeling today?â
Fine, you think.Â
âAngry,â you answer. âBitter. Jealous. None of what happened to me is fair. Itâs not fair that I have to relearn how to live while everyone else keeps living. It isnât fair that if I had left my art studio ten minutes earlier, or even ten minutes later, then I wouldnât be blind.â
"I don't like how I have to depend on someone to do basic tasks. I feel like â like people are held back from doing something because of me. Like I'm a responsibility, a liability. There's someone I don't want to give this sense of responsibility to, but he's there. And he sees me break all the time, he is patient with me when I, myself, am not confident enough to do anything now. But he's there. I want to be okay, so that he can take a break too." You find that your heart is thumping in your chest when you finish speaking.Â
The doctor waits a beat before answering. âOkay, good. Keep going.â
***
Seeing Devorah is a turning point for you. It gives you an outlet you didnât know you needed, unaware of how much you were trying to hold in for the sake of your friends and family. You sob there, and vent, and rant. In return, Devorah helps you process the storm inside of you. She's an effective source of non-judgemental or biased inputs, and you're grateful to yourself for agreeing to attend therapy.
You start to get into a better routine again, working on learning braille and using your white cane. Hyunjin and you start listening to podcasts every night again, and you arenât sure if that or your evening walks are the best part of your day. There are still hard days â days where you lie around and sulk, days where Hyunjin knows to leave you be. But you donât miss your appointments with Devorah and, inspired by both her and Hyunjinâs words, you donât let yourself stay down when you feel like you are falling again.Â
The Friday night before the last week of August â and Hyunjinâs last week off before he returns to work â you order pizza from your favourite place in the neighborhood. You use picking it up as an excuse to go on a longer walk and by the time that you are ready to eat, you are starving.
Seated on the couch, you feel it dip under Hyunjinâs weight as he sits down next to you. You revel in the first bite of pepperoni and mushroom pizza and by the time you finish the first episode of the podcast you have been listening to, you are halfway through your third slice.
Per usual, you end up talking through the entire episode. You are constantly biting down on a smile, a little embarrassed by how happy simply talking to Hyunjin makes you. Sometimes conversations often descend into teasing and what might even be flirting. Of course, that fills you with conflicting excitement and anxiety. Nothing good can come from flirting with Hyunjin.
âHey, we should go out to dinner soon,â Hyunjin abruptly announces.
You nearly choke on your bite of pizza. You feel your cheeks flush and wonder if thatâs why Hyunjin quickly clarifies.Â
âYou know, for practice,â he adds. âSince you havenât been since the incident.â
You open your mouth to respond, but Hyunjin keeps talking.
âOnly if you feel ready, of course. We donât have toââ
âHyunjin,â you laugh.Â
âYeah?â You wonder why he sounds breathless.Â
âThat sounds like a good idea,â you shrug. âI need to get used to going places that arenât just walks around the neighborhood.â
âRight, yeah,â he agrees. âOkay.â
You find yourself smiling again, although you arenât completely certain why.Â
***
The following Friday night, the last before Hyunjin returns to work, you walk to a cafe in your neighbourhood for dinner. You have been here countless times before, mostly with Hyunjin but with others too, which is why you figure itâs a good place to go for your first time in a restaurant again. What you donât understand, especially given the countless times Hyunjin and you have grabbed dinner here, is why this feels so much like a date this time.
Maybe itâs because it was planned, unlike the times where you grabbed dinner here at the last minute or breakfast when nursing hangovers. Maybe itâs because you are mistaking your nerves over being in a restaurant for the first time with first date nerves. Whatever the reason, you canât help the way that your traitorous heart is thumping wildly in your chest the entire fifteen minute walk there.
As you walk down the street the cafe is on, you listen to the increasing sounds around you. People are chatting at the tables outside the other restaurants and coffee shops, and on the sidewalk as they walk by you. You take deep breaths, trying to depend on your cane to guide you rather than Hyunjin. Still, you can sense him walking next to you, a steadying, calming presence.Â
âYou okay?â he asks quietly.Â
âYeah,â you answer, a little tense. âWeâre almost there, right?â Youâre trying to get a feel for how long it takes you to walk a block.Â
âYeah, itâs coming up.â
A few minutes later, Hyunjin tells you they arrived. âLet me grab the door,â he says before adding, âGo ahead.â
You walk inside first, approaching where you remember the hostess podium being. You feel Hyunjin put a hand on the small of your back a moment later. Itâs probably just so you know heâs there, but you canât help the shiver that floats up your spine as the warmth of his hand bleeds through your tank top.
You nearly sigh in relief when the hostess speaks, proud that you managed to walk over to the right area.Â
âTable for two?â she asks. Her voice sounds familiar and you are pretty sure that she has served you a few times before. If you remember correctly, sheâs a pretty blonde whoâs always been friendly. You wonder if the other woman will make a comment about your absence all summer, or your loss of sight. Thankfully, you donât.
âRight this way,â she says in a chipper voice, apparently assuming that Hyunjin will help you get to the table. Before you can process it, you feel Hyunjinâs fingers thread through yours as he leads you after the hostess. It must just be because the place is crowded, as you can guess by the amount of voices and the sound of silverware and glasses around you.Â
A moment later, you feel a breeze as you walk outside and realise that the hostess is seating you on the patio. You remember how romantic and intimate the patio feels with its bulb lights strung over the space and the candles you can currently smell at the center of each table. In fact, you have been on a few dates on this patio.Â
âHere you are,â says the hostess, her voice still bright.Â
âLet me grab your chair,â Hyunjin says. You hear the soft sound of wood scraping grass as he pulls it out and despite the fact that heâs only doing it to be helpful, you canât shake how it feels like another instance of him being charming on a date. Your stomach flips.Â
âThanks,â you murmur, setting the cane against the table and carefully sitting down in the chair. You push the chair to the table as you hear Hyunjin sit down across from you.Â
âShould we get wine?â he questions.Â
You swallow thickly. Despite this being the restaurant you have been to countless times, everything feels different tonight â and not because you canât see. When you and Hyunjin come here, itâs usually for breakfast and coffee, or maybe sandwiches for dinner. The wine only adds to the date-like quality of the evening, but you find yourself agreeing anyway.Â
When the waiter comes by, Hyunjin orders a bottle of wine that he knows you like and you order your food right away. Another reason you felt comfortable coming here is because you pretty much know the menu by heart.
After the waiter comes back to pour your wine, you reach out carefully for your glass in front of you. You remember the spilled wine from the night your friends came over, but feel more confident now. Not because you know with certainty you wonât spill it, but because you are fairly certain it wonât send you spiraling if you do.Â
âThe hostess â sheâs that blonde woman, right?â You find yourself asking. âThe one whoâs here quite a bit?â
âYou remembered her from the sound of her voice?â he asks. You canât tell if heâs amused or impressed.Â
âShe was hot,â you shrug, drawing a chuckle from Hyunjin. âYou know⊠she always seemed to like you. Maybe you should ask her out.â
Thereâs a long pause before Hyunjin answers. âI donât think so.â
âWhy not?â
Hyunjin laughs, but it sounds stilted and strange. âIf you think sheâs hot, why donât you ask her out?â
âBecause,â you scoff, rolling your eyes. âObviously Iâm not going to start dating anyone right now.â
Thereâs another pause before Hyunjin responds. âWhy not?â
You knit your brow. âBecause obviously Iâm not going to ask someone to⊠to deal with all this. Maybe down the road, when Iâm more adjusted, but I just⊠I just canât deal with that right now.â
âRight.â You canât read his tone and wish more than anything you could read his expression. âI guess no oneâs dating the hostess then,â he jokes, exhaling another forced laugh.Â
You want to ask him to elaborate on why he refuses to, but you think you understand why now. You feel a pinch in your chest as you remember your conversation with Ryujin. You want to argue with him, want to want him to move on to someone else, but the truth is, all you feel right now is relief.Â
***
You keep up with your routine when Hyunjin returns to work. You continue practicing braille and you begin going on morning walks around your neighborhood on your own. One morning, you even walk to a coffee shop near the cafe you ate dinner at. Even though you feel anxious and tense the entire time, you push through it, proud of yourself when you do. Then, even though nothing bad happened, you sob to Devorah about it the next day. You do that sometimes â cry for reasons you donât really understand. Devorah tells you that itâs normal, that itâs just part of the process of healing from a trauma, of constantly adjusting to a new world.
Hyunjin and you still go on your walks when he gets home from work. You order takeout or Hyunjin cooks, and you begin to help in the kitchen when he does.
Having to relearn things is tedious â especially when you know that Hyunjin is watching you like a hawk each time you have a knife in your hand.
The first time he suggested cutting tofu into cubes. You remember watching a technique on YouTube, and so you asked Hyunjin to pass you toothpicks. You're sure he's frowning but he passes you the box. You place both your hands at the edges of the tofu and roughly guess where the centre is. Then you pierce a toothpick there, repeating till you have 16 blocks. Satisfied, you started cutting along the toothpicks. Hyunjin gave you a high-five.
The other day you asked for chillies and almost chopped your finger off. Hyunjin told you it's best to start with bigger ingredients, and you chopped either tofu, carrots or potatoes. Even slow progress is progress, so you feel proud when you make it through each day. While you eat, you listen to a podcast or audiobook and each night, Hyunjin gets into bed with you. You still donât talk about it, but you are careful to keep your distance. There arenât any more nights of melting into his arms and sobbing like the night of the exhibit opening.
One day, in mid-September, something strange happens. You are bored at your apartment and find that you actually have the urge to draw or paint. It hasnât happened since the accident â not just because you canât or itâs too hard, but because you have felt too drained and overwhelmed to feel any inspiration. But now, you feel something like a faint spark light inside of you and you canât help but remember Hyunjinâs words from the night Ryujin told you that your piece was going to be featured in Sanctumâs exhibit.
I know that it feels like that talent is lost, but itâs not. Itâs yours, and itâs still inside of you. Like everything else, youâre just going to have to find another venue to express it. Youâre still an artist â and you always will be.
âSearch Blind Artists Society,â you say into your phone.Â
It was something Devorah told you about, during your second appointment when she found out you used to be an artist. You had forgotten about it immediately after, having no desire to think about art after what happened at the Sanctum exhibit opening. But things feel different now. Certainly not perfect, but you hold a feeling inside of you that tells you things can be good again. Hope, you realise. You have hope.
You listen to different pages on their website, using it as a jumping off point before you truly fall down an internet rabbit hole. Itâs all a bit overwhelming, so you narrow your search to include Seoul only. You donât expect to find much â Seoul is a decent sized city, but itâs no New York or Los Angeles. When your search leads you to a Facebook group called 'Lights, Brushes and Paint Studio', you feel like you got lucky. The location they listed on the page is in the same neighborhood as your old studio space.Â
âState time,â you say to your phone.Â
â11:34 a.m.â
You sit for a minute, considering your options and feeling a surge of determination. Hyunjin wouldnât want you to go alone, but this strangely feels like something you need to do alone anyway. Your art has always been deeply personal to you and has always belonged to you alone, always influenced by the world around you but never shared with the world unless you chose to, like with Hyunjin. To you both, art was a space where you could safely lose control and somehow assert control at the same time. Art makes both of your worlds make sense. Put simply, art was yours and his. It was something you both shared, and you wouldn't lose that.Â
You have taken the bus before, once with Ryujin and twice with Hyunjin, but never alone. You know itâs a risk, feel your nerves sparking your adrenaline just thinking about it, but you also think it will be worth it.Â
***
When you used to take the bus, you used to put on your headphones and stare out the window, letting your mind wander aimlessly. Sometimes, it felt relaxing â a space where you were forced to sit still. Now, itâs a task that requires all of your attention, focus, and energy. You donât let yourself relax once you safely navigate your way onto the bus, having double checked with the driver that you're on the right route. Instead, you listen intently for your stop, trying not to let the sounds of other riders chatting distract you. When you safely make it off the bus, having double checked with the driver again that you heard the stop right, you sigh in relief. The hardest part is over.Â
You walk what you think is the correct distance between the bus stop and the address you found on the Facebook page â half a block. You feel the numbers next to the door, only to discover that you are one address short. When you move onto the next address, your fingers skim across braille before you trace the number of the correct address. You donât know braille well enough yet to know what it says, but you figure the fact that thereâs braille at all is a good sign. You find the door handle, pushing open the door and walking through it, using your white cane to guide you. A bell dings over you as you walk in.Â
âHello,â a woman's voice greets you, somewhere on your left.Â
âHi,â you answer, locating what you think is a desk when you run your hand along a smooth surface.Â
âHow can I help you?â the woman adds. Given that the voice is coming from right in front of you, you think youâre in the right place.Â
âIâŠâ you trail off, realising you don't even know what exactly youâre looking for. âIs this the Lights, Brushes, Paint Studio ?â you ask, although youâre fairly certain it is.
âYes,â the woman confirms. Her voice is low and soothing. âAre you an artist?â
âYes,â you answer, hesitating for a beat. âIâm sorry, I donât really know why Iâm here,â you add. âI⊠I lost my sight months ago. I never thought it would be possible to continue working on art, but I found you guys, and⊠well, I guess Iâm hoping Iâm wrong.â
âIn my humble opinion, I think youâre absolutely wrong,â she answers, drawing a laugh from you. âIâm Susan, by the way,â she introduces herself. âIâm also an artist. I have a genetic condition and I lost my sight completely five years ago.â
âY/n," you answer, introducing yourself, unsure if you should talk about how you lost your sight, and then deciding to say so. âI lost my sight in a car accident, and I can perceive light enough to see silhouettes. Maybe this sounds dumb, but⊠well, how do you do it? Creating art without your sight?â
âItâs just⊠different. Like everything else when you lose your sight, you have to adapt, to adjust. The good news is that humans are pretty good at that.â
You sigh, surprised at the relief Susan's words bring you.
âDo you want me to show you a few pieces?â Susan asks, when you don't answer.Â
âIf youâre sure you have time.â
âItâs no problem at all,â Susan answers. You hear the other womanâs white cane before Susan calls for you to follow her voice. As you walk, you notice that the lighting here must be purposeful â it feels like the shadows you can make out are sharper, more distinguishable.Â
âThis place is kind of half art gallery, where we have exhibits that feature our artistsâ pieces, and half studio space. The physical space is adjusted for us to make it easier to navigate.â
âHereâs a newer piece from another artist, Ilian,â Susan tells you, placing a hand on your upper arm to guide you.Â
âIs it⊠are you sure itâs okay I touch it?â you ask. It goes against your instincts. Most artists would be appalled if people started touching their pieces at an exhibit.
âAll our pieces are interactive,â Susan explains. âThey kind of have to be for us to experience them.â
âRight,â you realise, cheeks flushing as you reach out your hand. You feel along a clay sculpture, fingers running over different patterns of texture.Â
âIlian mostly does sculptures, but we have different types of artists â several painters, and even a photographer.â
âHow does⊠how does one paint?â
âDifferent artists have different methods, but one way is to make different colours of different textures. Our sister branch in Namsang-dong is bigger than us and they actually have classes that exclusively teach that technique. Are you a painter?â
âI was.â
âYou still are then,â Susan immediately answers. âYou just have more to learn, that's all.â
***
Hyunjin canât stop smiling as you excitedly tell him about the new studio you found. Itâs embarrassing, truly, just how wide heâs smiling. But you canât see it, so he doesnât bother trying to hide it.Â
You called him as he was leaving work and Hyunjinâs immediate reaction was panic. He didnât know why youâd be calling, unless something bad happened. Instead, as soon as he answered, he was met by excited rambling â something about an art studio, and taking the bus, and asking if heâd pick you up.Â
âI just â I justââ You take a deep breath. âI havenât stopped talking have I?â
Hyunjin just laughs. âNo, but you wonât hear any complaints from me about it.â
Nothing is better than seeing you happy, but itâs especially wonderful when itâs your passion for art causing your happiness. In fact, he hasnât heard you this excited about anything since the night of the accident. Since you were talking to him on the phone, your entire life changed between one breath and the next.
***
Itâs late afternoon on the second Saturday in October when you return to a surprise in your apartment.
You have been going to the studio a few times a week, experimenting with new techniques and learning from and getting to know other artists. Itâs been freeing, like a weight off her shoulders, and not just because of the art. Getting to know other artists, who share the unique experience that you were previously dealing with alone, lifts your spirits. The stories of how, why, and when they lost their sight are all different, but they have all faced the frustrations and uncertainties of adjusting to a new world or adjusting to a world that wasnât built for them. They have all found ways to channel that into their art, just like you hope to. Hyunjin drives you to the class in Namsang-dong on Sundays and even though tomorrow is only the third class, you are beyond hopeful.
âIâm back,â you call, once you open the front door. Hyunjin always offers to drive you to the studio, but you insist on taking the bus. You feel just a bit more confident each time you do.
Before you hear any response from Hyunjin, something slightly furry rubs against your legs. You nearly trip over it, reaching out to the wall next to you for balance as Hyunjin curses a few feet away. You only laugh.Â
âIs there a dog in here?â you ask, amused.
âSorry, I should have warned you,â Hyunjin laughs. âBut yeah, um â this is Cassie or Picasso.â
You lean your cane against the wall and squat, snapping your fingers. A second later, the dog nuzzles its nose into your hand before licking you twice. âWhose dog?â you ask, standing again.
âYours, if you want her. Sheâs um â sheâs a seeing eye guide dog.â Before you can even respond, Hyunjin barrels ahead. âOnly if you want her, of course. Itâs no big deal if we return her, orââ
âAre you kidding?â you interrupt, leaning down to pet her again when you feel her rub against your legs. âIâm already in love with her.â
Hyunjin sighs, presumably in relief. âI didnât plan on bringing one home. I wanted to check the place out and maybe take you back so that you could see it for yourself, but then I saw her and between the name and what the trainer told me about her, it just felt meant to be, you know?â
"I know! Which breed is our Cassie?"
Hyunjin chuckles, "Our Casey is a Labrador Retriever."
***
The first week in November, you let the museum know that youâll be back for work in January. Months ago, you might have just quit or accepted some excuse as to why you canât work there anymore. Instead, you rehearse what you talked about with Devorah, being clear with them about specific accommodations you will need. Thatâs been one of the smallest, yet hardest parts of you adjusting to being blind â asking for help. You used to hate so much as asking someone on the street for directions, but over the last few months, you have come to realize that asking for help isnât a bad thing. Especially when you are asking for help that ultimately enables you to live more independently. You are relieved when your boss is nothing but warm and receptive of your requests and emphasizes that they are excited to have you back.Â
âI guess Iâm just surprised it went that smoothly,â you say, leaning down to pet Cassie, whoâs sleeping at your feet. Â
âWhy?â Hyunjin asks, sitting down on the couch next to you. âTheyâd be idiots not to see your value. You were amazing at your job and you will be again.â
Warmth spreads through your chest. Hyunjin doesnât seem to understand that you fall more in love with him everytime he utters something like that. He doesnât even seem to think twice about saying things that have the butterflies in your stomach fluttering wildly.Â
Ryujinâs words have been weighing on you more in the last month. You have started noticing small things â small touches, the way he talks to you. You think that maybe Ryujin wasnât crazy in her assessment of Hyunjin's feelings for you, but now the problem is that you don't know what to do about them.Â
One thing you are fairly certain of is that Hyunjin wonât make a move. If he wasnât willing to before the accident, you know him well enough to know that heâll feel like he canât now. Leave it to Hyunjin to think that telling you he has feelings for you would leave you stressed instead of ecstatic. Yet, even knowing that you need to be the one to initiate something, you chicken out everytime you consider it. You have never been afraid of approaching someone at a bar, of making the first move or asking someone out, but this couldnât be more different. It doesnât matter that you are about 90% sure Hyunjin will return your feelings. However, the 10% chance you might lose him over it is enough to petrify you each time.Â
âHere,â Hyunjin says, placing something with a rope-like material in your hands.Â
âCanât you order the food first?â you huff.Â
âWe havenât even decided what weâre getting,â he points out. âIf you guess right on the first try, you can decide.â
You roll your eyes. âYouâd let me decide anyway.â
âNope,â he disagrees. âIf I win, weâre ordering burgers from McD.â
You wrinkle your nose. You hate that place and donât understand Hyunjinâs love for their burgers. âI hate it there.â
âBetter guess right.â
You laugh, shaking your head as you focus your attention on whatever he just placed in your hand. Heâs probably bluffing, but it doesnât hurt to play along.Â
You hum as you run your finger over the rough texture of a twisted rope. Itâs a circular shape and you get it rather quickly when your finger runs over a metal clip on part of it. You laugh.
âDid you get Picasso a new collar? She just got one weeks ago.â
âWell, she deserves it,â Hyunjin claims. âDonât you, girl?â he coos, leaning across you to scratch her ears.Â
âWhat does it look like?â
âItâs a blue and pink checkered pattern.â
You affectionately roll your eyes. You hadnât expected Hyunjin to be just as obsessed with Picasso, but he has already spoiled her rotten. Between the collar and your proximity to Hyunjin, you feel that same warmth in you ignite.
You swallow thickly, willing yourself to be brave. You stopped making bullshit excuses about how you would be holding Hyunjin back if you started something, but that doesnât make taking the leap any easier.Â
âAlright,â Hyunjin says, leaning back on the couch again. âWhatâs for dinner?â
You take a deep breath. âWhat if I want a different prize?â you ask. Your voice sounds rough. Your mouth is dry.Â
âWhat else could you possibly want, Your Honour?â Hyunjin teases. You wonder if heâs staring down at his phone still, perusing takeout menus. You wonder if heâs already looking at you, and what he sees if he is.
âCan you come here?â you ask, ignoring his question.
âCome where?â he asks. Heâs probably confused given that you are pretty sure there isnât more than a few feet between the two of you on the couch as is.
âCloser,â you clarify, and you can feel your face turning hot. A second later, you feel the couch dip next to you as Hyunjin shifts closer. His knee knocks against yours.Â
âYeah?â he asks.
Again, you donât answer him. Instead, you lift your hand and bring it to Hyunjinâs face, your heart thundering in your chest. He doesnât say anything as you trail your fingers across his brow, which is furrowed in confusion. He doesnât say anything when your thumb pads under his eye, where you know a mole rests. You follow your fingers over his nose, turning your wrist slightly inwards to cup his face. When your thumb runs over his bottom lip â warm, so soft, slightly chapped â his breath hitches.Â
This is the part where you would ideally look into Hyunjinâs eyes for confirmation that he wants this, for confirmation that he wants you. Instead, you leave your hand cupping his face and the other one moves to cover his heart over his t-shirt. You can feel the erratic rhythm of it pulsing in his chest. He still says nothing, so you pull his face down to yours. You almost kiss him. You almost say to hell with it and dive in head first. You can taste his breath. But you realise that if he pulls away after your lips have already touched his, it will be too devastating to come back from.Â
âIs this okay?â you whisper instead.
The only answer you get is Hyunjinâs lips crashing into yours, his kiss fierce as his hand moves to tangle in your hair. Your lips move across his, searing with heat and desire before you open your mouth to him. You moan when you feel his tongue run against yours, your hand moving to grip his t-shirt. You hang to him for dear life, too afraid that if you pull away, it would be all to no use. But then you feel something wet against your fingers and you realise Hyunjin's crying. You register the way he's kissing you, and you kiss back. When you finally pull apart for air, your hand remains tangled in his shirt.
âI love you,â you blurt. Hyunjin exhales a watery laugh. âSorry, I justââ
Hyunjin closed his eyes and shook his head in amusement before leaning in to brush his lips lightly against yours. In a whisper, he replies, âI love you too.â
Then his hand slid around your lower back to arch you in as he went in for another kiss, slower, more languid, a kiss that made you melt into him and never want to let go. You clutched at his shirt to draw him closer, shivering when his fingers tangled in your loose hair. You sighed when he finally pulled away, letting your nose drop to his chest. You breathed him in and giggled because youâd missed the smell of him, the feel of his steadiness against your strength. Youâd missed everything about him, and now, despite everything you get to have him back, without feeling guilty.
Things quickly become more heated than the last kiss, your makeout intensifying as you move impossibly closer so that you are basically on his lap. Itâs a bit of an awkward angle but before you can consider that, Hyunjin pulls away again.
âHold on,â he mutters.
You shriek as you feel yourself lifted into his arms, your own arms flying around his neck to hold on.Â
âI donât need to be carried,â you laugh as Hyunjin rounds the corner towards the hallway.Â
âIf you think that Iâm not the one getting more out of carrying you to bed, youâre sorely mistaken,â he tells you.Â
You hear him shoulder open the door to your room and a moment later, he drops you onto the bed. You shriek again as you land with a bounce, your breath dissolving into giggles. Before you can catch your breath, Hyunjin is hovering over you as he kisses you again. Your hands move under his shirt to his waist as he begins kissing down your jaw, your neck. Even as your desire courses through you, you canât help the anxiety that begins rising to meet it as things move faster and faster. Without your sight, you canât help but feel like you canât keep up, like you are being left behind in your own body.
âWait, wait,â you say.Â
Hyunjin immediately stops, lifting off you as if you have burned him. âIâm sorry,â he starts. âI should have asked, we donât have toââ
âNo,â you laugh. âI â will you come back here?â you ask, reaching for him. Hyunjin takes your hand, threading his fingers through yours, and you pull on him until he gets the hint and leans over you again. You can feel the warmth of his heavy breath. âI do want this,â you clarify. âI promise â I have wanted this for a long time,â you huff.
Your hand moves to Hyunjinâs face, fingers running over the wide smile you already knew he was wearing. You feel his lips under the pad of your fingers, and they are more plump than before, moist now, and you need them on you again.
âHow long?â he asks. He seems amused, but you also hear genuine curiosity.Â
âAilee,â you admit. âSince â since I realised I cared you were with someone who wasnât me.â
âAilee?â he balks. âYouâve wanted this for years?â
You feel your cheeks getting warm. âDonât be an ass,â you say, feeling a little defensive.
âNo, no,â he quickly says. âI mean â I mean I broke up with Ailee because I had feelings for you too. Way back then.â
You huff a laugh, feeling a little like crying. âThatâs a long time for two people to act like complete idiots.â
Hyunjin chuckles above you. âNo one does it like us.âÂ
A beat later, you feel his lips on yours again. Except this time, the kiss is slow and tender â chaste, even.
âI want this,â you emphasise, your lips brushing against his. âI just need to go slow. Itâs just â itâs like everything else. Itâs an adjustment. Itâs another first.â
âWe can go slow,â he says quietly. âWe can go as slow as you want.â
âWell, I donât want that slow,â you laugh. âBut just⊠yeah.â
âI understand,â he murmurs, kissing you again, and you wanted to say that he always understands, but you resort to kissing.
You continue making out, you setting the pace. Your kisses and hands arenât frenzied, but almost torturously slow as you explore each othersâ bodies. Hyunjin rolls his hips against you, giving you the faintest taste of the friction you already desperately are in need of. Your hands find the hem of Hyunjinâs t-shirt and you begin to pull up on it. Hyunjin pulls away and when he returns to you, your hands run up his bare skin. You revel in the little details â the warmth of his flushed skin, the softness of his stomach, the tautness of his abs that flex and lead down to what you are really craving.Â
âMine too,â you gasp. Hyunjin helps you out of your own t-shirt, hands immediately exploring your breasts over your bra. âYou can take that off too,â you urge him. âActually, can we just take off all of it?â you ask, wondering if you are making any sense.
âYeah,â Hyunjin agrees. He sounds breathless.Â
You strip each otherâs clothing off slowly, hands savoring each new piece of exposed skin, until you are laid bare before him. One of Hyunjinâs hands runs up your waist while the other runs up the outside of your thigh.Â
âCan I touch you?â he murmurs.
âPlease,â you answer, surprised by the whine in your voice.
You immediately feel Hyunjinâs long fingers stroking between your legs, fanning the flames already lapping at your skin. At the same time that he runs his thumb over your clit, you feel his warm, wet mouth latch onto your nipple as he leans forward, his hair tickling your chest.
âOh my fucking God, Hyunjinâ you moan. Hyunjin grunts against the sensitive skin of your breast, lazily nipping and occasionally biting your nipple, but never hard enough for them to hurt. He lifts his head slightly to circle around your nipple with his tongue and his other hand rubs frantically yet sweetly at your clit, and it's almost too much. Pulling off your nipple, he hovers only long enough to switch to your other breast, stroking between your folds and pinching your clit slightly until you're arching off the bed to be as close to him as possible. He pushes his finger into you slowly and your fingers reach down until you feel him relax against your chest, sucking your nipple. You thread your fingers through his hair, holding on, letting him anchor you as one finger becomes two, opening you for him with a delicious stretch.Â
âFuck,â Hyunjin groans once he pulls off you, his fingers slowly building up to a steady pace. âYou still okay?â
âYeah,â you gasp, your hips bucking as you try to meet his rhythm. âHyunjin,â you whine, when his fingers remain still inside you. âIâm ready. Please.â
âFuck, Y/n,â he curses, removing his fingers as he kisses you dirtily while you barely manage to stiffle your laugh.
"What do you wanna do, baby?" he asks. You can't say you're not surprised by the nickname but you like it. You raise your hand in the air to look for his face, and you feel him take your hand and guide it to his face. "Anything I want?"
"Absolutely anything," he answers, without missing a beat.
You weigh your options and some are tempting, but you want him inside you, badly and now. "Fuck me."
You hear him groan on top of you before he ducks his head to kiss you again. And this is different. You felt his breath softly tickling your face and then â your eyes flutter shut as you feel his soft lips on yours: nibbling, sucking, teasing, tongue darting out to taste you. Your hands slid up his arms to his shoulders before lacing around his neck, pulling him down more firmly into the kiss. Hyunjin groans against your mouth, slipping his hand from your cheek to your clit again â the gentle rubbing sending unexpected waves of heat down your body.
âDo you have condoms in here?â he asks, his lips moving against yours as he speaks.Â
âI have an implant, if thatâs okayââ
âThatâs definitely okay,â he answers, leaning down to kiss you once more, and you kiss him back with the same fervour. Your hands run up the muscles of his back as you feel him hot between your legs, sliding his cock along your wet folds, teasing you. âGod, that feels amazing,â you moan.
âYeah?â he asks, kissing down your throat. âThat feels good, baby?â
âHyun-jin, pleaseâ you gasp, nails digging into him.Â
"Mm, please what, princess?"
He pulls up from your neck and you can feel his breath on your face again. For a long moment, the room is filled with your laboured breath and before you can answer, you suddenly feel a pang of sharp grief. You canât remember the last time you felt this happy, but the grief is still there, a shadow to your joy.
One more thing you have to do for the first time without your sight. One thing you imagined hundreds of times over the years when you would see him fresh out of the shower, when you would get drunk silly on Saturday nights, when you were too afraid to be honest about your feelings. You feel warm tears fill your eyes and try to swipe them away, but thereâs no hiding them from Hyunjin.Â
âHey, hey,â he whispers, pulling your hand away from your face. The tears stream down your cheeks and you feel Hyunjinâs lips kiss each one.Â
Your happiness over being with Hyunjin doesnât completely dissolve the small details you are still mourning. You will never see his dark eyes bearing into your own, filled with a tender want that you are almost certain must be present now. You will never look upon his bare body, all the pieces of him you were never allowed to see until now.
âAre you okay?â he murmurs.
âYeah,â you confirm, taking a deep breath. âI just â I just wish, I⊠I want to see you,â you admit. âI want to know what it looks like when you look at me right now. I have⊠I imagined this so many times.â
âDo you trust me?â he asks, stroking your cheek with a finger.
âOf course,â you immediately answer. You donât need to think about it, not even for a second, you can trust him in any situation.
âThen trust me when I tell you that, no look in my eyes will ever capture how much I need you, how much I love you.â Hyunjin pulls your joined hands to his chest, where his heart is beating wildly. âIâm going to make you feel just how much you mean to me, in a way that you could never see anyway.â
Your breath catches when you try to inhale, the warm want coiling tighter in your low abdomen, making you feel nervous and excited at once. âOkay.â
âY/n, are you sure you want this tonight?â
âIâm sure â go ahead.â
You feel the heat of Hyunjinâs exhale right before he leans down to kiss you, pushing into you at the same time. Your body tilts into his, pressing your cheeks against the softness of his plush lips, luxuriating in the tenderness as your eyes flutter close. You are filled with a feeling of relief when you feel the closeness you had been craving for so long, and finally savouring the contact.
He kisses your cheek like this, nose running along your cheekbone in ardour, his hair brushing your skin like a feather which causes goosebumps to rise, and you hear his breath catching in his lungs as he inhales deeply.
"Thank you," he murmurs, lips moving with such ease against your skin, like you have done this countless times before. "Thank you for wanting me, Y/n."
You feel tears well in your eyes again, but you know you have cried enough and he has wiped them everytime. And so, you smile, lifting your hips to meet him in the middle as he moves slowly, rocking his hips against you until heâs fully seated in you.
Delicately cupping his face in your hands, you let your fingers stroke over the shell of his ears and lean forward to capture his lips in a kiss, corner of your mouth curling into a satisfied smile as he releases a small, relieved moan. His hands grip your waist, rolling his hips again, gently, enacting a promise of what's to come. Your hands shift to the base of his neck, fisting in his hair and massaging his scalp in encouragement.
Breaking the kiss, your head falls back, mouth open and panting as you struggle to catch your breath, lips feeling sore and wet.
"Better?" he asks, a gruff sound that barrels through you, pooling in your belly.
"Great."
Claiming his lips once more, you try to keep the kiss chaste, hoping to tease the edges of his control as you move down to his jaw, and his breath is laboured. But his hands move swiftly, sensing you're ready to pull away, and he places one hand firmly on your waist, keeping you in place, deepening the kiss as he starts thrusting slowly after you nod.
Running his tongue along your bottom lip before sucking it between his teeth, he lets his hands slip away from your waist, reassured he has you where he wants you, and lets his fingers nestle your legs. Itâs a featherlight touch, the tickle of him against a soft, rarely touched and barely seen part of you sending a pool of anticipation and wetness to your folds, and you feel how slick you have become as you move against him.
âFuck, that feels so good,â you tell him.Â
âYou feel amazing,â he tells you in turn, finally beginning to move a little faster. You moan as soon as his thrusts build into a steady rhythm. He still moves carefully, but you enjoy the pace.Â
In some ways, you didnât realize just how distracting your sight was during sex. Without it, you are more hyper focused on the senses you used to pay less attention to. The smell of him, the usual pine scent of his soap blended with something more heady and musky, something you never experienced until now. The feel of every part of him â from the way his hands explore you, the way his lips make their way down your neck, the way he drags in and out of you, sparking desire with each thrust.
Then you focus on the sounds that fill the room. The scandalous skin against skin, the moans and gasps you draw from each other, the throaty noise you pull from him each time he forcefully thrusts into you and your walls clench around him. Perhaps your favourite part is the praise he whispers into your ear. You memorise each word, the rough texture of his voice as he tells you how perfect you are, how tight and wet you are, how well you take him, how much he loves you.
Hyunjin is everywhere at once and you lose yourself in him as his thrusts quicken.Â
âOh God,â you moan. âDonât stop, Jinnie. Please donât stopââ
Enticed, Hyunjin takes a hand away from your hip, smiling as you whine at the loss of contact, and cradles the back of your head against his palm. Nuzzling against the center of your throat, he mumbles a low curse before biting at the tendon, sending fire into your veins and making you thrust upwards as the ache inside you increases after each roll of his hip.
"Hyunjin, fuck me harder. I know you can."
That and your moan seems to break something within him, and he increases his pace, snapping against you with a harsh thrust.
Thrusting with a shallow grunt, the pad of his index finger runs over your bottom lip, tracing the flesh with a roughness that makes blood rush beneath the skin.Â
"You want me to fuck you hard, baby?" he laments, dipping his finger into your open mouth. Closing around it, you suck at the digit, eyes falling closed as you imagine your mouth full, wrapped around his cock with your head held firmly in place. His voice breaks, stumbling over his words before he can properly gather them.
When you eagerly nod, he pulls his finger from your lips with a soft pop, his hands move to trace the wetness that has smeared over your folds, gliding them along your slit without letting them push inside. Biting your lip, you press your hip up against his, feeling the drag of his cock inside you, and you shiver, wanting to be full twice over.Â
Silently, you curse, the atmosphere becoming thick and heady. All of your body feels dampened by him, cunt and pores dripping with want for him, saliva wetting your parted lips and pussy fluttering around him. He lets both his hands slide over your stomach, pausing his ministrations, and just feeling himself inside you.Â
âFuck, Y/n. You feel so good,â he pants. âI'll make you feel good, too." Mouth against your ear, he licks at the shell, moving his hands up slowly to cup your breasts, massaging the supple flesh.
Clenching around him at the rich chocolate of his voice, you release a wet moan, rolling your shoulders forward slightly to put more of your breasts in his hands.
Grateful for his hands on your breast, you moan at the feeling of being spread so full, whining desperately as he rolls his hips, delivering himself to your center and burying his cock inside you to the hilt again and again. Without hesitation, Hyunjin pulls his hips back with an agile snap, only to come forward again, the bones of his hips smacking into yours and making you slip forward.
He sets a punishing rhythm, fingers pressing into your flesh hard enough for you to know you will be carrying his marks â the indentation of his teeth on your shoulder turning a soft shade of plum, the dots of his fingers surely deep enough to adorn a regal shade of blue, and the sweet red of the hickeys he kissed onto your neck blooming not unlike the petals of flowers.
The hotness of his cock scorches you, sends your heart beating into your throat, the rush of your blood flooding your ears as your tongue throbs in time with your pulse. Already, you feel yourself clenching around him, wanting him everywhere.
"Youâre so pretty when youâre like this," he mutters, lifting his mouth from your shoulder and pressing it to your ear. "Stuffed full of me and wanting more."
You weakly reach your hand between your bodies, scratching along his lower abdomen. "Hyun-jin, câcome inside meâŠ"
"Yeah, baby? You want my come dripping down your legs, staining you so pretty?"
You can't answer, only managing to violently nod your head yes.Â
"Iâm going to make you come," he says, speeding up his thrusts once more as his hand ghosts over your arm from your beasts, down your stomach, before pressing gently on your mound. "Iâm going to make you come and I want to feel it."
With that, he resumes the unforgiving rhythm of his thrusts, his fingers diving down over your cunt to tap in time against your clit. The shock of firm, precise pleasure against the swollen bundle of nerves makes your walls clench erratically, desperate in your uncoordinated attempt to reach the climax you can feel building in your belly and thighs. Eyes starting to water, your breath comes in strained huffs as he alternates taps and swirls of his finger in time with his thrusts.Â
"Thatâs it, baby," he coos, his own thrusts losing their rhythm as he nears his orgasm. "Come all over my cock. Let me fill this pussy up."
With that Hyunjin buries his face in the crook of your neck and you turn to press your lips to his neck, tasting salt when you swipe your tongue across his skin, and he presses roughly against your clit as he hits your spot. Hyunjinâs grip on you tightens and with another thrust, he pushes you over the edge. You moan his name as you tighten around him, gripping him as the pleasure washes over you, releasing in waves, rolling down and through your skin in a torrent that makes your nerves ache. You feel him, all of him - deep inside you as you tremble around him; against your skin, his chest slick and his mouth wet, his own whines sadly tucked away inside his throat; within your bones, rocking the structure of your marrow into something that carries nothing but the kiss of his name.Â
His thrusts gain momentum as the aftershocks of your orgasm pushes your nerves into oversensitivity, though they are hardly coordinated. With a few thrusts, his hand moves away from your clit to grip your hips, as he comes, hot and wet inside you, the warmth of his release coating your walls and mixing with your own juices.Â
He stills against you, both of you shaking together, rocked by the force of want and coming down from the raw tempest of yearning you both keep locked away, as best as you can. Slowly, his fingers release your hips, rubbing soft, gentle circles over the bruises in apology as his lips give shape to barely audible whispers.
"I love you," he mutters to himself, blissed out and unwilling to find reality. "I love you, I love you, youâre everything, Y/n."
It takes you a few minutes to catch your breath. Hyunjin kisses you lazily once you do, hands still caressing you. After a few minutes, he lifts off of you and pulls out, not waiting a minute more to pull you close to him again. You can feel the thud of his heartbeat against your back as he holds you.
Slowly, he comes back to himself with a tiny whine, kissing up your spine. Turning to face him, you nuzzle into his neck, reminding yourself you cannot fall asleep â you absolutely cannot fall asleep â even though you so desperately want to.Â
"Are you okay?" he asks, kissing your forehead as he smooths your hair from your face.
"Iâm fine," you croak, throat dry from lack of use. âBut, Holy shit,â you laugh. Hyunjin laughs too, ducking his head to your shoulder. âThat was incredible.â
âTo think we could have been doing this for years if you werenât such a coward,â he teases.
You yell at him, reaching back to swat at him, but he retaliates by tickling your sides until youâre both laughing and breathless again. Once you take a few breaths to collect yourself, you curl into his side and trail your hand up and down his chest, placing a kiss on both his clavicular notch. He shudders and you press another kiss to his jaw, before moving back.
âHyunjin?â you ask quietly.
He hums in response and you can hear his exhaustion in the simple noise.Â
âThank you,â you tell him. âNot for â just for everything. I wouldnât have survived these last months without you.â
âYes you would have,â he disagrees. âYouâre my person, Y/n, and Iâll always be here for you. But your strength is yours, and I wonât have you believing otherwise.â
You sigh. âI just donât want you to feel like you have to be my caretaker.â
âY/n.â Your name sounds sacred as it falls from his lips. âIâm not your caretaker, we take care of each other. Thatâs how itâs always been and always will be. Sometimes youâll need me more, and sometimes Iâll need you more, but nobodyâs anyoneâs caretaker. Weâre partners. Weâre in this⊠in life together.â
âTogether,â you murmur.
âTogether,â he confirms, kissing you.
***
âIâm home,â you call as soon as you open the door. You set your bag down and begin to remove Cassieâs harness.Â
âIn here, babe,â Hyunjin calls, presumably from the living room. You hear the jingle of Cassieâs collar as she runs to meet her dad. You walk towards the living room. âOn the couch,â Hyunjin adds.Â
You sit down, immediately leaning into your boyfriend. He greets you with a kiss before asking you how your day was.Â
âThe museum was packed and Iâm exhausted,â you tell him. âBut it was a good day.â
There arenât always good days, even though you are incredibly happy. Somedays are just bad days, as you and Hyunjin refer to them. Days where life feels particularly exhausting and frustrating. But your boyfriend is always there to support you through them, just like you are there for him during his own bad days. The first year anniversary of the accident felt particularly brutal and hit you harder than you expected and you scheduled an extra appointment with Devorah to work through your feelings. But that was a month ago and things feel lighter again these days.
âGood,â he says. He sounds strange â a bit nervous, even. âGood.â
âIt smells good in here, what did you make?â
âItalian.â
âOkayyâŠâ you answer, trailing off. Heâs definitely acting strange. âWine sounds nice right now,â you add.Â
âYeah, um,â he starts. âHow about a round of the game first?â
You raise your brow at that. You still play the guessing game occasionally, but itâs admittedly less and less often.Â
âOkay,â you answer, immediately suspicious as you hold out your hands to him. âBut dishes are on you if I win.â
âDeal,â Hyunjin agrees, his following chuckle stilted.
You wait patiently as Hyunjin shifts next to you and you wonder if heâs pulling something out of his pocket. A moment later, he drops something small in one of your hands. You run your thumb over it, immediately recognizing the material as velvet. You pass it between both your hands, quickly realizing that itâs a small box. A small velvet box. Thatâs when it dawns on you. Thatâs when your heart begins racing.Â
âHyunjin?â you question, his name soft on your lips.Â
âGo ahead,â he quietly encourages.Â
You open the box, running your thumb over the rough texture of what you are certain is a diamond. Of course it's a diamond, simple yet elegant. You pull out the ring, the band of it smooth and cool between your fingers.Â
âSay something,â he prompts.
âI think itâs you whoâs supposed to say something.â
Hyunjin chuckles and you feel one of his hands land on your thigh, the other brushing your hair off your face before he cups your cheek.
âY/n. I love you more than life itself and â and I never want what we have to end. From the moment you first knocked on our apartment door, to when you restarted that episode of Schitt's Creek or when you would slip a chilli in my ramen to increase my spice tolerance. When you bought me a book about flowers, sat together to draw with me and at all the other times you have stayed up with me and together ruined our stomachs by munching on late night snacks. I need you with me. I want this, and you, forever. Will youââ
âYes,â you answer, unable to help your wide smile or the tears that well in your eyes.Â
Hyunjin laughs. âI thought I was supposed to say the thing.â
âWell hurry up then.â
He laughs again, the hand on your thigh moving agonizingly slowly to grip your waist. âWill you marry me, Y/n?â
âYes,â you say again, even more eagerly than before. Hyunjin takes the ring and box from your hands, sliding the ring onto your finger and kissing you in the next breath. âYou still want wine?â he asks when he pulls away.
âNo,â you laugh. âI want something else entirely.â
Hyunjin pulls you onto his lap without warning, drawing an excited shriek from you, and a bark from Casey, before he starts kissing you again. The kiss is desperate but sweet, hurried but careful, and you lose yourself in him as easily as you find yourself in him. Your love for him is embedded so deeply in your bones that you know for certain it was the one thing you never needed your sight for anyway. He has already returned you your light.
The music playing from Seungminâs computer made him roll his eyes, being invited to yet another function and he didnât want to go. There had to be some kind of way he could get out of going, maybe he could send Chan. Smirking to himself Seungmin looked away from the computer screen and glanced out of his window. There you were with your back turned against him as you typed something into your computer. Youâd been working non-stop since youâd gotten to work and he knew for a fact it wasnât something he had asked you to do.
He had no upcoming cases for you to be researching and you hadnât been behind on anything.Â
âWhat are you doing?â He mumbled to himself, keeping his eyes trained on you squinting a little so he could try and see your screen but he couldnât. Whatever it was you were working so hard on youâd shielded it with your body.
He had no idea how long heâd been staring but he was tapping his pen against the notebook heâd been writing inside of when he first looked at you.Â
How could you stand doing this? Seungmin had known you most of your life - from afar of course - and he knew that you werenât the type of person to take this sort of treatment. Since youâd started here four months ago he had been less than kind to you and maybe that was because of old memories beginning to resurface. He could still remember the first thing heâd made you do for him which was bringing him a coffee which he promptly threw into the bin because he claimed it wasnât good enough. That was all he ever did whenever you would do what he asked of you, yell that it wasnât good enough or if it was he would yell for it not being done on time. Ever since that though youâd done everything you could to get everything perfect and he couldnât fault you for it.Â
But it did annoy him immensely. It annoyed him that you were allowing yourself to be spoken to the way that he did, were you really that desperate?
âYnâŠâ His voice spoke through your phone and he could see the way you tensed when he said your name, it used to bring him enjoyment. The way your back would straighten and it appeared as though you gripped the nearest thing to you.
When you were in school together you had been the head cheerleader and mean to him and the rest of his friendsâŠOr rather everyone in the school. It was interesting to see how the mighty had fallen when you now worked for him. As soon as heâd seen your name in HR heâd demanded they put you as his newest assistant much to the dismay of the boys downstairs but he didnât need to listen to them. Chan told him it would be an exceptionally bad idea to have you work underneath him but Seungmin didnât care.
It was his business and he could do whatever he pleased with it, it wasnât as though he was doing anything worth reporting against. All it could be seen as was playful âbanterâ between old school buddies
âCan you come in here please,â The please made the hairs on your body stand up. For the last four months of working for him, he had never once used that word and you couldnât help but feel uneasy. Seungmin hadnât exactly like you and you knew why and didnât blame him for holding animosity toward you.
I love the story and how everything turned out đ the ending is so cute Iâm crying, i was a little anxious at how Seungmo treated y/n at the beginning but Iâm so glad they could work things out đż
