In my head..

[nanskki]

Save Yourself The Pity Party.

I look up from the disarray on my desk, rubbing my eyes slightly, tired out of my wits.

My day has been spent going over paperwork in preparation for the showcase.

I sigh softly, standing up from my desk to pace about the office for a bit. With the showcase almost here, I can’t shake off this anxious feeling that more often than not, wells up inside of me.

What if it doesn’t go as…

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[nanskki]

A Fresh Start...

A Fresh Start…

Two hours later, I am meeting Talia for coffee at the coffee shop across the street from Ours.

I find her sitting at the corner, her eyes glued to her phone. She looks up slightly, catching my eye. Her face breaks into a small sweet smile, her eyes lighting up. She gets up from her seat, meeting me halfway, enveloping me in a tight warm hug.

“I missed you” She says to me

“I missed you…

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[nanskki]

Is it the end already ?!

I wake up with a start. My temples throbbing slightly, humming from the air conditioning, the only thing keeping me company.

My body has become it’s own alarm clock usually waking me up at the crack of dawn.

I lie still, listening to nothing in particular, listening hard into the distance for any clue on what the time might be.

Silence.. deep penetrating silence.

I give up eventually, dragging…

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[nanskki]

My moment.

My days go by so quick,

Feels almost like a vicious cycle,

one minute,

it’s morning,

the next,

night.

Then I battle through the night,

Hoping for sleep to come,

tormented by wakeful thoughts.

I watch Bernice pace in front of me, phone in hand, her heels clicking meticulously on the tile floor as she paces back and forth, deep in conversation with another client. She has come to go over…

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[nanskki]

The end?!

“Do you think of the end, Donald?!” I ask quietly, watching him pour wine in my wineglass.

It’s a pretty Sunday evening, with the sun, setting in a distance, its rays, filtering softly into the room. I am lying down on the sofa in his hotel suite, head propped up with a pillow, my attention fixed solely on him.

His face crumbles in a frown,

“the end of what?!” He finally replies, coming to sit by…

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[nanskki]

Sigh 😕

I let myself into my apartment, switching the lights on, on my way in. Kicking my shoes off, I walk barefoot into my living room, placing my purse and Car keys on the coffee table.

Today definitely has been one of those days 😕

Heading straight to the kitchen, I make a beeline for the fridge, fetching the remainder from last night’s bottle of wine. I pour myself a glass, taking a big sip,…

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[nanskki]

Maybe...

Maybe…

Maybe, Just maybe, One day, I might look back at it all, And understand Maybe, Just maybe, One day, I might have the courage, To let it all go. Maybe, Just maybe, I might be filling  my head, With dark imaginings,  Maybe not. I have loved once,  And once, I would say,  Is enough for me. I had all the promises, Fufilment, I could ever need. I learnt to give,  I learnt to trust, I learnt to love.…

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[nanskki]

Truth be told... 

Truth be told… 

Today didn’t go quiet as planned 😩 I let myself into my apartment, welcomed by an enveloping silence. Switching the lights on my way in, I make my way to the kitchen.  After the day I just had with Talia, I deserve a stiff drink.  I pour myself a few shots of vodka, swallowing hard.  Damn girl!!!  The only thing I want to be, Now, is numb. Numb to the drama, Numb to the heartache, Numb to all the…

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[nanskki]

Maybe...

Maybe…

Maybe, Some day, I might look back,  and understand.  Maybe, Some day, I might summon up courage, Come to terms, with the hard reality, That maybe, It was a facade, A pawn,  In your twisted game. Maybe,  I might be filling my head with dark imaginings. Maybe not, I have loved once,  And once, I would say is enough. I got all the fufilment, I need.  I learnt to give, I learnt to trust, But most of…

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[nanskki]

You got me F&cked up! 

The heart wants what it wants,  Or so they say, Mine, Wants everything it will never have.  Half the time, I wish I was a lil strong for this, Whatever we seem to be to be doing.  I have formed a habit, Pretending not to care, It saves me a lot of effort,  To be honest,  It makes it a whole lot easier for me.  My mind, These days is on so much,  Some days, I miss u,  Other days,  Not so much. …

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[nanskki]

You got me fu&ked up 

 The heart wants what it wants, Or so they say,  I know what mine wants,  It wants everything it will never have. I wish I was a lil bit strong for this, Whatever it seems we doing.  Half of the time, I act like I don’t care, Pretending not to care, Has proven to be way more easy. My mind, most of the time, is on too much.  Some days,  I miss u. Other days,  Not so much.  But never a day, Goes by…

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[nanskki]

Promise me.. 

“Why do I have a feeling you holding out on me?” Talia says to me, sighing a little too hard from across the table. We are having lunch at La Mode,  the sun is out,  the sky is clear,  a blessing. “Are we talking about yesterday?” I reply, cutting up my vegetables.  Talia seems a lil *Scratch that* She seems mad disappointed with my rendition of what went down last night 😳🙄  “I think he likes you…

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[nanskki]

I wake up to the sound of my own breathing fluttering sweetly in my ears. The rays of the morning sun, gently filters in. Yawning out loud, I pull the covers over me, burying my head back in my pillow, the air conditioning on full blast. Last night? One word Amazing!!! 😛😉.  Last night turned out great in more ways than I had expected  … Scratch that? 😜 Who was I fooling? What was that thing J…

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[nanskki]

Way to go girl! 😉💪🏾

I resolve to ignore Berenice and her antics for as long as I could. I think she must have sensed my malicious intent because she did well to keep her distance from me, albeit for a little while. ..”listen, I know you are mad at me but I can explain” she says, walking into my work space, coming to a halt in front of me, hands on her hips.  “I don’t want to hear it” I reply.  “I am sorry”  “The…

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[nanskki]

You never give up on us.

There are days when all I want is You, Nights were falling asleep seems more like a chore, Than a blissful reverie, Times when I feel You laugh in my dreams, When I wake up,  It becomes a lullaby,  Sure to send me right back to sleep.  Time heals every wrong, But You have given me strength,  Like no other,  A love,  Like no other.  It’s in the warmth of Your embrace,  The sparkle in your eyes, …

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[nanskki]

I find peace. 

In the maze of my thoughts, I find peace, Lasting, Enduring, Ever prevalent.  Some days find me,  Longing for more, Wanting to be, Someplace,  Other than here.  I find peace,  In the fluttering sound, Of the sea, Ever present, To assure me,  That I belong here.  I find peace, In my quiet meditation, In the stillness of dawn,  In the quiet of dusk, In the illumination of the morning sun.  I find…

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[nanskki]

With You, I am home 🙃

In the days leading up to this, I thought I had it all,  Having You seemed enough,  Or so I thought, Now,  I can’t bear to feel you close.  Your warmth, Used to be a sort of shield, From all the madness, Surrounding me. It all seems so empty now, Bland almost, Even.  You think I have a role to play,  In this,  I believe a small part of me too, is to blame for this,  Right now,  All I try to…

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