[mona-l1sa]

[narublu]

made a reservation for one at my favorite restaurant tonight on a whim. I haven’t been hungry at all and everything tastes gross whenever I try to eat. I think journaling and having time to myself at my favorite place will be good for me tonight. xX

[narublu]

this fucking sucks. I can hardly think. my day will be fine, I’ll be at work normal, but everytime I leave the hospital with my mom it feels like a part of my brain and soul is split. I cannot comprehend the reality of who my dad is right now. I’m confused and the little girl in me is searching for him but I think the little boy in him is searching for his dad and mom too. ugh this fucking hurts

[theoriginalsupermodels]

Dice Kayek - Fall 2000 RTW

[narublu]

I had a dream last night where someone held my hand and asked me ‘ does your heart feel open ?’ you could tell it was a summer night. I saw street lamp lights flickering everywhere and we kept holding hands and kept walking. it was sweet and a question I ask myself everyday ‘ is my heart open ?

[51316120825getty]

[narublu]

my dad got rushed to the ER last night. my mom and I got home around 12am maybe? I fell asleep without brushing my teeth, gross.

I woke up to being on my period. I took a hot shower, made a bowl of yogurt parfait - peanut butter (unsweetened / unsalted ) diced apples, honey, and dark chocolate granola.

I took the day off- now headed to hospital again to hear results back from the doctor.

leaving my dad at the er last night he looked like a little boy scared that his parents were leaving. seeing him confused and scared fucks me up in the head a little

no one prepares you for this but the only way out is through.

[narublu]

I’m perfect. I can’t believe he fucking fumbled me

[narublu]

I’ve been following you for a long time and you don’t know me. But I have to tell you that you are so much better than the insecure parts of your brain are telling you. From someone you’ve never met in Colorado to where you are right now, please believe your worth is immeasurable.

this is so kind, thank you so much 💘💫

[narublu]

[narublu]

[narublu]

deaded things with my crush. I’m feeling heart sore. lathered sunscreen on my shoulders, arms, and neck. threw on my pink thong and made it to my nail appt in time. French tips, again

going through withdrawals of being vulnerable and open, going from sharing the bed together and being held to that not being a part of my week anymore fucking sucks.

first month in us hanging out was so fun and freeing almost. it makes me sad that he didn’t have the capacity to keep exploring that and wanting to build a foundation on it. Even though that’s what we agreeed on and were actively doing.

Inconsistency really triggers me and I’m glad I can define that and express that now. I can’t relate to being afraid of intimacy but I think I can have compassion for that, but again not for me to fix or figure out- not personal at all.

all I have to do now is know that what I want, I will experience and how clear I can be with it. I’m going to experience love over and over again and it’s not meant to be painful.

it just sucks so much right now because I really liked him and he did too but there isn’t much to say or do beyond that

dear diary moment in the parking lot typing this with my new French tips

[narublu]

<3

[narublu]

my beautiful most brilliant friend is back from Paris !! <3 @holybeings

[narublu]

Need it….. bad

[narublu]

In every city, it’s always banana bread that brings me back to life. #resurrection

[narublu]

baddie Rachel stepping out my whip <3 @artemisiasea