Title

Natalie • jersey

[areasonablydressedwoman]

[friendly-animals]

(Source)

[kingkumaaa]

When the whole party is down but your bard is up

[maliciousindungeon]

jack had absolutely no right to go this hard

[ask-grabor-3-deactivated2026021]

Jack Black always goes this hard.

[valtsv]

robot character: *uses their body to shield their human companion from danger because they’re a machine and so don’t consider their life or safety to have as much value as that of the person they love*

me:

[valtsv]

human character: *uses their vulnerable human body to shield their robot companion because even though they’re a machine that can’t be hurt or killed as easily they value their life equally to their own because they love them*

me:

[wrenhavens-archive]

@merituulitheselkie

[arabellesicardi]

[meanplastic]

me in 70 years

[basic-banshee]

I keep using my girlfriend with unusual work hours to get out of coworker interactions and happy hours and hanging out.

But now the company holiday party is upon us.

And I’ve been lying about the girlfriend.

I suddenly really empathise with the characters in Hallmark Christmas movies.

[basic-banshee]

I like that people have two reactions to this post.

Reasonable: “just say she couldn’t make it!”

Chaotic: FAKE DATING AU

[victorxaxvale]

Well, which one is it going to be?

[basic-banshee]

And so it begins

[contentcrisis]

having the DMV area Craigslist bookmarked has never come in handy before but now

[basic-banshee]

Update, Craigslist has flagged my post as inappropriate.

[basic-banshee]

Apparently you can’t solicit a date as a “gig”

I now see my mistake

[basic-banshee]

Update: a date has been acquired. This is true lesbian solidarity in action.

[baapi-makwa]

my friends cat loves attacking xmas trees but hates plastic bags

[springfieldusa]

[justinpie]

holy shit marge

[kylejorden-deactivated20200201]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[honorthegods]

The world is a hard place: practice kindness.

[ohevoyev]

i miss the 90s i was barely conscious and had no responsibilities

[djoswiftie]

you better watch out. you better watch out. you better watch out. YOU BETTER WATCH OUT.

[icaurus-deactivated20180206]

new name for lube

high fructose porn syrup

[tellyjpg]

i knew i should’ve stayed asleep

[thelvadam]

Some of yall are too horny on this site. Try to be less horny.

[strawbebbynya]

If I’m even a degree less horny than usual I will certainly die

[cryptidw00rm-archive]

well damn

[fishmalazahn]

[commongayboy-deactivated2018082]

[mancydrew]

every time i burp it tastes like Arby’s

[puncromancer]

and every time we kiss I swear I can fly

[mbmbimbo]

the same

[mbmbimbo]

its christmas time and i want you all to look at this again

[utteradoxography]

[nixies-helene-deactivated202203]