d e v o n

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Keni

Kiana Khansmith

oozey mess
occasionally subtle

tannertan36

#extradirty
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Xuebing Du

JBB: An Artblog!

titsay
Show & Tell
🪼
Monterey Bay Aquarium
Stranger Things
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

blake kathryn
Sade Olutola

seen from United Kingdom

seen from Netherlands
seen from United States

seen from United Kingdom
seen from Switzerland

seen from France

seen from New Zealand

seen from Türkiye

seen from France
seen from Netherlands

seen from Malaysia

seen from United States

seen from France

seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from Germany

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seen from T1

seen from United States
@natkip
technology related sensory memories from my childhood
sliding the metal cover on floppy disks
the slight resistance of inserting cassette and video tapes
ripping off the strips of holed paper off of dot matrix printer paper
rolling the wheel on a disposable camera to take another photo
The heaviness and rubber texture of the roller ball in a computer mouse, and the little ring of lint
Unkinking the curly cord of a telephone while you talked
The -peww sound and slowly fading image of a crt monitor turning off, and then running your finger through the static on the dusty glass
The crunch of opening or closing a plastic Disney vhs cover
The sound effects in kidpix
Extending and collapsing metal antennas and using them as magic wands
Manually rewinding cassette tapes by spinning them around my fingers
Playing with the rubber casing of the buttons on a Walkman–pulling them away, rotating them, slipping them from side to side on the stiff posts of the buttons
The audio and visual static at the end of a videotape
The satisfying thwap-thwap-thwap as you page through a well-filled CD sleeve book
How weird and small and light the first cordless phone felt
One of the most dramatic moments of season 1.
No matter what kind of person you are, I implore you: Try. Try to make the world a better place. Look inside yourself and recognize that change starts with you.
Zootopia (2016)
me: i gotta focus on this beca-
brain: ladies and gentlemen,
me: please
brain: this is mambo no. 5
me avoiding people.
“Oh hey, I’m fine! Yeah, how are you?”
People love to narrow down your agony to single causes. It makes it simple for them to understand: X hurt you, so you feel suicidal and depressed because of that.
But no, it’s not because of that. Well, it is, but also isn’t. The feeling doesn’t just manifest from thin air, nor is it conjured up at will as if I am a witch of the psychoemotional school of magic. It’s actually the opposite; I did not sink back into the void from a platform of happiness. Rather, the happiness I felt gave me the push to try climbing. Without that push, I slip back through the cracks I try so hard to conceal every day of my life.
Even my body has become so good at masking it that any self-harm scars I have are healed and relatively invisible. Ironic that the only visible, physical indication that anything’s wrong with me on the inside has adapted to lying.
Nobody really knows that practically every day before and after work I am listening to music and holding back the tears. I feel my body tremble, my lip curls - the early telltale sign that I’m gonna cry - and my face is paying the price for it with some rather ghastly dark circles at the tear ducts, as though I was hit by two tiny fists.
I’m often asked why. What a complicated answer. I try my best to give a summary of the most recent events. But it’s never good enough for them! It’s not a reason worth this reaction, I’m young, I have my life ahead, etc. It’s almost insulting how they just assume that prior to that, I was the poster child for ideality. You don’t crank the dial from 0 to 100 in one day. I made an offhand comment once about taking antidepressants and their (paraphrased) response was “Oh, you’re too young to need those kinds of pills!” Well, I’m sorry to tell you, but I would have been too young if I had kept trying to kill myself. So the pills seem rather mild in comparison.
Everyone has their solutions and opinions. Do this, do that, you’ll feel better! How do I go back 26 years of my life and try to undo the damage that brought me to this point? I’m prone to being chastised for regretting. Regretting something is not necessarily that I wouldn’t have done it again, if given the chance. Regret simply means that I feel so much sorrow over the overall outcome of the issue that it’s still affecting me even now.
I would have done it all again. I would have fallen in love, would have taken chances. I would have tried and failed and tried again. The only puzzle piece that’s missing from each picture is the hindsight you only gain from the future. But that one puzzle piece can taint the entire image and make it very, very blue. And I mean blue in the emotional way. It’s no coincidence everyone I know relates me to Sadness from Inside Out.
It’s not that ONE thing that made me like this. It’s not THAT other thing in my past, either. It’s everything. It’s family, it’s friends, it’s lovers, it’s circumstances, it’s my body, my mind, it’s as “there” as the air I breathe. It’s not a flu or a period that goes away eventually. I live this all the time. If others are humans that drown in water then I am the fish and it’s as natural as home.
It’s nothing to write home about. It’s not a fact I brag over at fancy dinner parties. It’s rather embarrassing. Admitting to suicidal ideation, depression, possible BPD, anxiety, strong desire to harm oneself, waking up every morning disoriented, there are usually three kinds of people: those who truly get it, those who brush it off as being overdramatic nonsense because life is yolo, and those who become indifferent and brush me as one of “those” people. The pretentious mentally ill who think Poe’s poetry is romantic rather than gut-wrenching. There is no romance in this hell I’m living.
Yet somehow, if I don’t speak of it, I feel like I am strangling a part of myself.
“Oh yeah, I’m doing great honestly! Just work and stuff, sewing, visiting thrift stores, drawing, making my game, you know, that kind of thing. I’ve been very creative recently so it’s been fun. Been finding new musicals, too. You should totally listen to them! Omg yeah we should totes go out one day!”
Without me, his world will go on turning
A world that’s full of happiness that I have never known
THE A C C E N T OMG
[Three people with Irish accents, all overlapping each other: “Are they helium balloons?” “Oh for fuck’s sake!” “I told you, the car’s not built for helium balloons!” “Ah, fuck it…” “It’s too late!” “We’re flying away!”]
HOW
Do you ever just suddenly feel really shitty because you’re not particularly good at anything and you don’t know what you wanna do with your life and like you didn’t ask to be born and have to deal with all of this and yet here you are, confused and anxious and paying to exist on this trash planet
me: *about to cry*
friend: are u ok?
me: of course i am!!!! im 100% fine wow how about you?? if you need anyone to talk to, im here for you!!!
when you hide the lineart layer
my brother tagged me in this post on Instagram
BYEEEE