nonbinary lesbian positivity

all + only nb lesbians can follow | questioning people welcome | mogai-free

[assdevourer]

ya’ll support nonbinary people right up until they use any label other than “nonbinary” or any pronouns other than “they/them” lol

[assdevourer]

xe/xem fae/fem etc pronouns and xenogenders are not a threat or an insult to anybody, i promise.

[jaspertheshark]

see also: nb people are allowed to use she/her and he/him and theyre all still nonbinary and not hurting anyone

[nblez]

hello! I love your blog! ^ ^

I've been questioning my gender a lot lately and wanted to know of this happened to other nonbinary or questioning ppl as well (this question might be very dumb I'm so sorry if I'm wasting your time sksjs)

so... I look in the mirror and I feel like the person I'm looking at isn't me, like if I'm in a body that belongs to another person if that makes sense. Is this dysphoria?

😳😳

it’s certainly possible for that to be related to dysphoria! it’s not the only possibility though - i personally do not have much dysphoria but i experience that when i look in the mirror as well, for me i think it is more about being neurodivergent/having difficulty with recognizing faces/some degree of depersonalization maybe?? but dysphoria can definitely make you feel like your appearance is wrong and doesn’t suit the way you feel internally.

[nblez]

i’m a lesbian, and i’ve sorted started feeing disconnected from being a cis woman. how can you tell if your nonbinary? i like they/them pronouns a lot for myself, but ive avoided using them bc i can’t tell whether or not i’m cis.

just reblogged this post for you that says: if you’re questioning your gender, “what do I want?” and “what will make me happy?” tend to be much more useful questions than “what am I, really?” 

i think that is a really useful framing of it, because often it is just not possible to look deep inside your soul and discern some inherent part of you that tells you what you are - because gender is not an inherent part of you that you’re born with, it is socially constructed. so you can choose what you want to do with it! when it comes to labels, what matters most is what is what feels most comfortable, and what is *useful* to communicate something about yourself to other people. “nonbinary lesbian” is a great way to communicate that you are a lesbian who feels disconnected from being a cis woman.

there could be two people that both feel exactly the same way about their experience of gender, and one chooses to call themself nonbinary and the other chooses to call themself cis, and neither of them would be wrong for it. it’s just a matter of what terms they feel are most comfortable and most useful to them.

as for pronouns, if you like they/them a lot, then use it! there’s no reason not to, *even* if you decide you don’t want to call yourself nonbinary after all. you aren’t hurting nonbinary people by using them when you aren’t sure about your identity. just as anyone, trans or cis, can change their name to something that suits them better, anyone can use the pronouns that suit them best.

[unknought]

reminder that if you’re questioning your gender, “what do I want?” and “what will make me happy?” tend to be much more useful questions than “what am I, really?”

[salmon404]

[nblez]

Hi same person as the "nb lesbian dysphoric" question. Lesbians are women who love women and nonbinary people aren't either male nor female. What other pronouns are there to use? Pronouns are gendered if they weren't then why do trans men use he/him? To be a lesbian you need to be a woman which means using she/her pronouns.

pronouns are gendered but are not gender. clothes are also gendered. names are gendered. hobbies are gendered. that doesn’t mean that women can’t wear suits, have names like jack or elliot, or fix up cars. using pronouns not traditionally associated with one’s gender is a form of gender nonconformity.

lesbians have always had complicated relationships with womanhood, which is why many of us identify as nonbinary. we are not men, but traditional (which is to say, cis, heterosexual, and gender conforming) womanhood does not describe us. we may express gender nonconformity by using pronouns associated with men, or ones that aren’t associated with any gender, such as they/them or zie/hir. this does not mean we are not lesbians, and does not necessarily mean we are not women either. this is not a new thing, lesbians have been bending the rules of gender as long as we have existed. your definitions of gender and sexuality are biased.

[nblez]

Just asking because I'm actually curious (as a nonbinary person) wouldn't it make you dysphoric to call yourself a lesbian? Since lesbians are women who love women and then you'd have to go by she/her, wouldn't that make you uncomfortable? I'm honestly just asking out of curiosity because everyone I've asked didn't give me a valid answer or they just ignored me.

Um yeah I can see why that would make people ignore you like.... why would this many people be identifying with a label that makes them feel dysphoric?? Yeah no there’s always been lesbians who have stretched the boundaries of binary gender. And being a lesbian doesn’t mean you use she/her, we have multiple posts on pronoun use among lesbians

[nblez]

I’ve recently discovered I’m an nb lesbian, which is great for me. I want to be somewhat androgynous in my appearance and swagger if that makes sense. I considered changing my name to fit my needs but I want a few opinions if my current name sounds more masc or fem or inbetween. It’s Tatum

i think thats a great name!! it sounds pretty androgynous to me, and a quick google search seems to bring up both men and women with that first name. some ppl might consider it more on the masculine side just due to its association with channing tatum, but i don’t think thats a very significant association esp since thats being used as a last name

- mod s

[vodcar]

anyway y’all have no problem when gay men doing drag use she/her but as soon as lesbians use he/him it’s suddenly a problem and a huge contradiction

[vodcar]

realise that gender is part and parcel of heterosexuality and so lesbians necessarily navigate gender entirely differently than straight women

[vodcar]

i think the “lesbians can’t use he/him” is absolutely implicit in wanting to keep us in a womanhood defined and ruled by heterosexuality. once we start to display us doing gender for ourselves, challenging and living with toxic heterosexual femininity: he/him lesbians, butches, etc. that’s when it gets out of hand for y’all

lesbians rejecting a womanhood that ties them to men because of gender, because of heterosexuality is not a bad thing, it’s not a contradiction, it makes perfect sense.

the policing of he/him lesbians is ironically completely bound up in misogyny: an anxiety to let lesbians do what they want and not consider men/heterosexuality and do gender on their own in their own way

[vodcar]

same goes for the weirdness a lot of people have about “lesbians can’t be nb”

like lol yes they can

the move to always try and tie lesbians back on to a strict defined sense of womanhood makes lesbians parsable as Women in a purely heterosexual conception

if lesbians can’t be easily understood as women, then the male gaze can’t fetishise us, objectify us, make us two girls kissing for the pleasure of men. it’s a way of escape & of dealing with gendered trauma & of enacting subjectivity

lesbians know what they’re doing, leave us alone

[butchstudsubmit]

im sorry if this is ignorant of me but how can a non binary person identify as a lesbian or as gay? i’m just trying to understand and not offend anyone

hi! no problem :)

non binary simply means outside of the binary of male and female. that can mean that a person identifies with both manhood or womanhood, with neither at all, with a gender or gender expression that can’t be contained by the binary system, etc. “man” and “woman” are just class designations and performances within capitalism, and often our conceptions of ourselves exist beyond and outside of traditional performance of gender.

so, a non binary person can be aligned with lesbian and gay histories or identity frameworks that transcend the strict dichotomy of traditional male and female roles.

for instance, i’m a non binary lesbian because my gender expression and identity moves beyond how one typically lives out womanhood, and i can’t really be contained within womanhood. “non binary” describes how i create my own gender identity and gender roles on a regular basis, and how my body doesn’t fit into the dichotomy of simply a woman’s body or a man’s body. i still relate to lesbian history and define my masculinity through a lesbian perspective, and so i’m a non binary lesbian.

this is just one example, though – my reasons for identifying as non binary are not the same as everyone else’s.

hope this makes sense!

[incrediblysincere]

I hope everyone knows that there is no wrong way to be nonbinary. That to be nonbinary you don’t have to use the names, terms, and pronouns expected of you. That you don’t have to look a certain way or have a certain personality. That you don’t have to fit into boxes defined by cis people. That you don’t have to completely abandon any and all gendered terms.

[incrediblysincere]

I say this as an nb person who tries to present masculine and uses masculine pronouns and terms, as a person who hates being referred to with they/them pronouns, as a person sick of being told I can’t be a lesbian because I’m non binary, as a person who doesn’t fit into the contemporary perception of how nb people ought to be and act

[nblez]

I'm recently identifying as a nb lesbian but I have no nb friends! Just wondering if there was anyone out there interested in becoming friends? My inbox is always open 💖

<3

[nblez]

hey do u need dysphoria to be an nb lesbian?

depends on how you define dysphoria i guess! you do not need to hate or be uncomfortable with your body/desire medical transition if thats what you mean. i would say that identifying as nonbinary does implicate some level of discomfort or disconnection from your assigned gender which i suppose could be considered a social form of dysphoria. but no, you don’t need body dysphoria to be a nonbinary lesbian

- mod s

[nblez]

Hello, I'm a nb lesbian, and I'm attracted to girls/other nb people, what am I? My friend said I'm bisexual but I don't like boys.

“im nb and a lesbian, is it okay to be attracted to women and (some) nb ppl? I'm not attracted to men/male-aligned nb ppl at and bi feels wrong bc it kinda implies that i am. i have two partners, one nb and one a woman and they both feel comfy with my ID, but they aren't lesbians and I don't want to be taking up space that isn't for me! things are confusing rn :/“  - anonymous

you can still be a lesbian while being attracted to nonbinary people! lesbian sexuality is not inherently binary, it only means that you are not attracted to men specifically. there are many nonbinary people who are woman-aligned or who are unaligned, and it would not be contradictory to lesbian identity to be attracted to them. as long as the nonbinary person in question does not feel that a lesbian being attracted to them invalidates their personal nb identity, theres nothing wrong with liking or dating them

- mod s

[nblez]

Hi hi, so I've been questioning my identity a LOT lately. Ive come to the conclusion that im almost certain I identity as a nb lesbian. However, I was wondering: is it okay to identify this way and still use a masc name? I love my name but its definitely a masculine name if anything ;; thank you in advance!

yes of course! names don’t define gender, there are tons of lesbians that choose more masculine names as a way of gender-nonconformity, especially butch lesbians. a name doesn’t make you a man, don’t worry!

- mod s

[nblez]

Aaaaaah gender and sexuality are hard. I'm nonbinary and I'm definitely attracted to women but am I male-aligned? Do I like men in any way that isn't platonic? Should I even be considering the identity nonbinary lesbian even if my experience seems to have such an affinity with people who do identify as nonbinary and/or butch lesbians? Thank you so much for running this blog. Nonbinary lesbians are so valid (whether or not I figure out I'm one of you!).

its definitely very hard to figure out, although i think that who you have the most affinity towards may be a good indication! good luck!!

- mod s

[nblez]

(part 1) i’m so confused if i’m bi or a lesbian and could use another perespecive if that’s ok!! ik 100% that i love women, but am unsure if i’m attracted to men. i’ve had a sex w a guy before and enjoyed it, but when i think back on it i feel like i’m more attracted to the intimacy and act itself rather than his gender if that makes sense? i can imagine myself loving a women and being intimate w her, but while i can imagine having sex w a man i have no interest in relationships whatsoever.

“(part 2) idk i just feel like any attraction to men i have is bc i’m on T and experimenting. in the moment it feels genuine but afterwards it’s hard to see myself attracted again, which isn’t the case w women. i “want” to not be attracted to men which makes me think i’m probably a lesbian, but i have no clue. wondering if anyone had this experience?”

if you want to not be attracted to men, you can be a lesbian. simple as that! compulsory heterosexuality makes it incredibly hard to be sure if your attraction to men is genuine or not. ultimately i can’t tell you if you are attracted to men or not, but i believe that the definition of “attraction” should not just be “i feel validated/physically good/pleased when this kind of person gives me attention” or “i think this person looks attractive and/or is nice to me”. there should also be a definite desire included in the definition - as in, you feel the urge to seek out this person, you want to be with them. and the way you’ve described it to me sounds like you don’t have that desire. 

essentially, it doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past with men that you may or may not have enjoyed. it doesn’t matter if you have some kind of undefinable “feeling” about men that may or may not be attraction. what matters is, do you want to be attracted to men? do you intend to seek out men for relationships because you desire a full relationship with a man? if the answer is no, you can be a lesbian! if you are still experimenting, its ok to hold off on calling yourself that until you are sure that you don’t want to be with men, but just know that the lesbian identity is there for you if you decide you have no actionable desire towards men.

i hope that all made sense! feel free to send in another ask if you need clarification

-mod s