hi babes <3 i'm lavender, a twenty-two yr old nctzen who writes nct fics for fun (and to feed the insatiable delulu inside)
this is a safe space for everyone, but please read the warnings before you read (some fics are mature/smut, i kindly ask that minors dni)
send me an ask/request and i'll respond if i can! let's be friends :)
note: if you are 18+ and you would like to read my mature posts, please note that tumblr has now added community guidelines and you might have to edit your settings to see my posts. more info here.
c a r r d ♬｡ﾟ i n s t a 💭˚₊⊹ m a s t e r l i s t ೀ
coming soon
requests: open. currently working on these.
asks: open, can ask/share anything, including mature/hard thoughts. i will let you know if i'm not comfortable writing certain things <3
I know it's been so long since I've been active on here (at least, that you can see - I read on here almost every day whoopsies) but I'm getting a random wave of motivation to write more. actually, that's not entirely accurate - I've always had that, it's just adulting is so overwhelming and I have the habit of spreading myself too thin. I have like 127 hobbies and I have to remind myself that I can't do them all every since day 😅
but I have been reading some incredible writing on here (including some delicious smut) and its just got me inspired to write more. I have so many ideas after all...
“Stop that.” He whispered against the skin of your neck. “You know he wouldn’t care.”
“That’s the problem. We need to do this properly.”
“You know why we can’t do that.”
pairing: johnyong x fem!reader (no romantic johnyong ship)
other members: none
word count: 3.7k
genre: romance, angst, with a side of smut
warnings: sexual content so minors please dni!! profanity, y/n has migraines (pretty severe!), semi-public sex, oral (fem receiving), cheating (? it's complicated), sleeping with your ex, some freaky kissing
disclaimer: this is a fanfiction purely from my (filthy) imagination. I don't know the nct members and don't claim that they act like this in real life. I also do not condone any of the activity by any of the characters in this fic.
a/n: hi guys, i'm alive :D i've had a lot of ideas recently and a steamy johnyong drama was one of them, and then my eyes feasted upon acne studios event johnny and i finally got the push i needed to go through with writing it :) writing slump over we all cheered wooooo. also, ik it's kinda ~confusing~ rn. this is a series so just trust me okayyyy. also, i love making fic playlists and here's the one for this fic. if you picked up that this is loosely based on the 5SOS song blender pls marry me rn <3 nobody get's 5SOS like I do I swear :( pls hmu if you get me
You wouldn’t have noticed him at all, if it wasn’t for the way you watched Taeyong’s deep brown eyes flicker past you, shadows of stories passing by like it was nothing. You thought nothing of it, but your head turned, your body in tune with his more than you realised. And, just like a bad case of fate, there he was.
Johnny Suh.
He walked in like he owned the place, as he always did. His cocky demeanour hung off his body perfectly, like the oversized leather jacket he wore everywhere he went. His smile made the girl waiting on him eagerly blush, something that made you both angry and a little wistful. Your gaze lingered on far too long. And, as usual, like he always did, Taeyong pretended he didn’t notice. He always pretended, even when you were so far gone, he felt like he was pulling you out of quicksand.
“What colour looks better on me, jagiya?” Switching to Korean was your safety net, something sacred between only you and him, more intimate than the restless nights you spent tangled up in bed, Johnny’s presence a mere afterthought. You turned to Taeyong’s back, his slender body on display in the full-length mirror in front. You tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear as you both locked eyes through his reflection.
“Black.”
The seriousness, properness in the air was almost palpable, like you both were being watched, tested and graded. Not a single wrong movement, or breath. It was unbearable and at the same time, so tantalizing, like something could break the surface at any moment. Moving forward, you brought a hand up and over his shoulder, letting your fingers run over his collarbone. “Yeah. Definitely black.”
Taeyong kissed your hand, and you tried to remember when he took your hand in his. “I wanna show you a few more items. In there.” He cocked his head ever so slightly to the curtained fitting rooms, so subtle, meant to remain a secret between the two of you.
Not thinking about Johnny was like trying not to let the plague take over your body. He seeped through you like the truth, feeling right in every scenario. And in this moment, as you let Taeyong run his mouth down the valley of your breasts, your skin erupting in flames underneath his lips, you shut your eyes, and there was Johnny. Your feet on his toned calves, your hands around his thick cock. But when you opened your eyes, there was Taeyong, between your legs, right here, right now.
You clamped your mouth, moans threatening to spill out. “Oh god,” you whispered through your fingers. “R-right ther-haah…” Your thighs constricted around his head as he quickened his pace, both of your hands behind you to hold you upright.
“Hey, excuse me?”
Fuck.
It’s like someone had drawn the curtains back on you both in this compromising position. You moved away first, shoving yourself back on the complimentary bench you weren’t sure how many others had done unholy things on, Taeyong shortly after, watching your face redden with every passing second.
Johnny continued. “This one’s a little small, sweetheart. I run larger than that, you know?” You could almost see him winking at her, smiling that god-awful smile that made every woman melt like putty under his gaze. As if on cue, she giggled.
Fuck. Him.
“Come here, baby.” You spoke softly, both hands unhooking your bra as you kneeled in front of Taeyong, shuffling closer so your tits pressed again his torso, clad in a compression shirt. He groaned. “Fuck.” He grabbed your face, kissing you deeply and pushing you down to the floor.
Thirty minutes later, you were in the passenger seat, the days shopping in various sized bags in the back. You were both silent, the radio playing some obscure song neither of you knew. With the windows down, the air still felt hot and heavy, pressing onto your skin. You played with the strands of hair sticking to the back of your neck, squinting as Taeyong turned a corner and the blaze of the mid-afternoon sun poured into your eyes.
“I ended up getting both.”
“Hmm?” Condensation slipped inside your palm as you played with the cold water bottle next to the gear shift.
“Both of the caps.”
“You bought caps? You have so many at home.” The answer felt involuntary, combined with the frustration of the hot weather and lack of food since brunch. He frowned, and you immediately felt guilty. “Sorry, I mean like-“
“You said you liked the black one. You were right there.”
You felt a deep shame somewhere buried inside you as you mentally flicked back to the moments in the dressing room. The plague was making you really sick now, making you notice things you didn’t need at all, and throwing out memories of things that you really did. “R-right. Sorry, hon. Didn’t mean to snap. It’s just so hot today.” You meant to chuckle, to lighten the mood, but your body could not go through with it. Instead, the both of you sat in uncomfortable silence.
The silence stretched on for agonising miles, as it usually did. Nowadays, when you weren’t having dry, stationery conversations, you were exploring each other’s bodies like it was what you were supposed to do as a couple. Not out of passion, or lust. Just because. Your eyes kept drifting closed, the will to keep them open slipping further away from your grasp. You just wanted to be in bed…alone, slipping through the mattress and into the floor, deeper, and deeper.
You finally woke with a jolt at the sound of the door close. Your makeup felt far too heavy on the skin of your face, the ache in your feet now screaming at you. “Baby, wait.” The phrase disappeared into the air unheard, but you stepped out of the car, right in the face of a camera.
“_, _!”
Shit. How did they find us?
“Are you here alone? Who drove you here? Tell us a bit about the man in your car…” You admired the man’s insistence at his job. His passion, however intrusive and idiotic, was majorly inspiring at this phrase of your life.
Shut the fuck up, you wanted to say. You kept a stern face instead, hoping your eyes would communicate that instead. “No thanks.” You side-stepped him strategically, a new throbbing in the left side of your temple starting to grow. Fuck, not again. You tried to breathe, in, out, in, out, but the rhythm caught in your throat, your vision began to grow blurry, and you stumbled uncomfortably in your sneakers that now felt like they weighed tons.
“Ma’am? Are you alright?” You heard the man’s keys before his footsteps, the sound of his camera flashing as he approached. The light was blinding, and you dropped to your knees as the flashing sounds continued, like gunfire on a field of soldiers.
Who the fuck still used bright-ass flash?
“Who the fuck still uses flash!” It was a yell, from maybe about 10 metres away, but the ringing in your ears fogged it up like it was underwater. You tried to focus on your breathing, but your heart didn’t care about your wellbeing, apparently, speeding up at the sound of his voice. “Get away from her, right now.” The voice, still foggy, felt closer to you, and you felt an arm around your middle pulling you gently upwards. He whispered, “Okay, sweetheart, let’s get you out of here.”
Your pain spiked at the thought of the busy, lighted McDonalds as you walked away from the man with the flash camera, somehow on the floor of the car park now. “It needs to be dark, and quiet. It won’t stop unless it is.”
Johnny made a noise of sympathy. “I know, I remember.”
You only then registered the tears, wet on the heavy-set makeup on your face. You couldn’t even look him in the eyes, a weird sense of guilt throbbing just as hard as your migraine deep in your gut. He was still walking you somewhere, and you just let him, no energy to care about anything other than the pain in your temples. He soothed you gently through whispers of something inaudible, but his breath felt warm and welcoming on your neck, and, despite it all, you were grateful for his presence.
“Go lie in the back, okay?” He shoved his jacket off as he spoke. “No cologne today. You can put it over your face. Don’t worry about anything.” You nodded, the familiar routine flooding back into you like water in on a dehydrated rock.
Time passed like the way months pass in a busy year, and the next time you took a long, deep breath, you opened your eyes to the sensation of a firm, cold, king-sized bed. The room was dimly lit, enough so you could make out the outlines of the furniture in the room, but not bright enough to read anything if it was written on the walls. There was no lingering smell in the air, only the faint scent of your own shampoo, and no sound at all except the light ringing in your ears, much less strong than before. Your muscles relaxed like you were in a hot bath after a long day – safe, relaxed, nothing on your mind. You fell back asleep in seconds.
You woke what seemed like hours later. The room was significantly darker now, no more dusk light glowing from behind the curtains. The door was slightly ajar, and you registered voices this time coming from beyond.
“Why didn’t you just call me?”
“She was having a bad one. And, why would I have needed to call you?” You put on the slippers next to your bed without thinking, wrapping the robe you forgot you put on tight around your body. “You weren’t even there with her. What were you thinking?”
“Johnny, don’t. I stepped out to get something for her.”
“You should have known she would have the episode today. There are always signs.”
“You just said it was that asshole’s fault!”
You walked in the kitchen to see Johnny turned away, Taeyong at the end of the counter. When you met Taeyong’s eyes, you watched them widen as he stepped towards you. “Oh, honey.” You held him, his hand pressing the nape of your neck towards himself. “I was so worried. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” you squeaked. As you pulled away, Taeyong pressed a kiss to your lips, pulling away to look into your eyes and stroke the sides of your face. “You look so tired, sweetie. I should have noticed.”
“Really, it’s fine, love.” You kissed him back, making awkward eye contact with Johnny towards the end. Shuffling awkwardly, you cleared your throat. “Um, we should get going.”
“No, you’re staying for dinner.” Johnny threw a towel over his shoulder in a way that was comical, almost making you laugh. You smiled, trying to ease the situation. “Johnny, really. I appreciate it, but-“
“There’s no way you both can drive all the way back to the apartment.” Your heart skipped as you heard him say the and not your. That one word gave you that illusion that time had stopped, and that the past 10 months had all been a dream, and you were still there, in the kitchen, pressed up against his body without a care.
You shook your head, willing the memories and coming back into reality all at the same time. “You can’t. You’ve just had your worst episode. No thanks to that grade A fucktard who doesn’t know how to use a camera in the 21st century.” He rolled his eyes. “Car trips will make you nauseous.”
“No! I mean,” you rubbed your head. “Me and Taeyong, we have this, um, this event…” You knew it was a weak argument, but you threw it out anyway. When you looked over at Taeyong, he was, of course, shaking his head. “I’m sure Jaehyun won’t mind. It’s the album release party.” He looked over to Johnny, who nodded politely.
“You can still go. Just drop me off at home.”
“Nonsense, _. You spend the night here.” You and Taeyong both looked at each other, you with an expression of clear distaste, and Taeyong with something a bit less than that. “I mean…didn’t you say you had a thing?”
“Yeah, I mean, she’s not a kid. She can stay by herself. Call us if you need anything. But she shouldn’t get into the car.” Taeyong hummed in agreement as Johnny walked towards the both of you, and you looked at the both of them incredulously. “Did you both just decide on plans without me?” You crossed your arms. “Unbelievable.” It came of surprisingly playful, making them both laugh, Johnny now sizing you up with his eyes like he always did. “You like the robe?”
“Y-yeah.” For a second you were too comfortable, looking right into Johnny’s eyes, wanting more than anything to be in his arms. Your body, your mind, this house…you were there, 10 months ago, back when it was all okay, it was right. Forgetting that Taeyong was right here, staring at you back, wishing you were here right now.
“You gonna be okay here, baby?” Taeyong brought your hands into his, pulling you close as Johnny walked away. You nodded, smiling up at him with passion in your heart for the first time in what felt like too long. The guilt started throbbing in your gut again, but you grabbed his face in your hands, kissing him deeply until you felt it ebbing away.
∞
“Shh. You need to be quiet. My niece is here.”
That was the sentence that rang like alarm bells in your brain. At first, your entire body tensed up, the unfamiliar surroundings making you confused. Memories of the day came back, and you relaxed a little, finally registering what was going on.
The sounds of a woman giggling and going shh in an exaggerated tone made you feel like someone threw all your emotions in a blender. Annoyance, confusion, anger, sadness, lust…it all swirled and mixed intentionally, blades cutting through each one at lightning speed.
Both of their bodies thumped upstairs, and it wasn’t long before she started moaning like a pornstar.
Your. Fucking. Niece. Is. Here??
You made a face of disgust at nobody as the noises continued. “If I was your niece, I would be reporting you to CPS.” You slammed back into bed, momentarily delighted that the painful throbs in your brain were gone far enough that you could throw yourself around easily. You pushed a pillow on top of your face, as if you were in a teen movie and you needed to throw a tantrum. At the third Oh, harder! girlish squeal that you heard, you were ready to go through with it.
Instead, your brain decided to flash through memories of yourself and Johnny. Back when you weren’t his fake niece, and instead the giggly drunk girl he would take upstairs to fuck the living daylights out of.
Fuck. Why am I thinking about this? You were stretching your arm uncomfortably out, too lazy to get out of bed to reach your phone, thinking about calling Taeyong to distract yourself or to come get you when the noises upstairs stopped.
“FUCK YOU!”
It was so loud it made you jump.
You heard the deep tenor of Johnny’s voice in the background, before her higher-pitched one cut through the air. “Fucking asshole!” You heard thumps of footsteps, much quicker and lighter than before, and sounds of zippers being pulled. When they stopped close to the door of your room, which was still slightly ajar, you kept thinking shit. There was no way you could pretend you were asleep this entire time anymore.
“Give me your fucking car keys. I’m leaving right now.”
“Look, I-“
“Do you even remember my name?” The small but significant silence that followed was so intentionally on point that you couldn’t help but snigger, covering your mouth with your palm to remain quiet.
When you heard the door slam, you lay properly in bed, still going with the plan that you were gonna pretend you somehow slept through that. As if like a badly-scripted TV show, the door to your room opened as you tried to tuck yourself in, not quick enough to avoid Johnny at the door.
“Oh, hey.” For some reason, everything was immediately extremely funny, and it was like trying to guide an elephant going estray, the way everything in you was trying not to burst out laughing.
“Sorry about the noise.”
“It’s fine.” You tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “I was awake anyway. Migraine’s pretty much gone.” You gestured awkwardly to your head, reaching out to grab your phone now properly. “I think Taeyong’s ready to pick me up now.” You turned the screen on as you said this, as if you just read texts from him. In reality, your phone was dry and empty, the lockscreen of you and Taeyong making a heart at the beach last summer glaring back at you in the dark. “I’ll be out of your hair soon.”
“No trouble.” He walked into the room, door now fully open. You crossed your legs on the bed, not knowing what to say or how to act, not knowing why he was now silently looking over the dresser in the room to your left.
“I said your name.”
Your blood froze, body reacting before your brain. You sputtered, “I, uh, what?”
He opened his mouth to reply, now fully turned towards you, but you brought a finger to your own lips. “That’s okay. Don’t need to explain, Johnny. I, just, why would you say that?” The last part refused to remain a thought in your heard, instead spilling out of you in words drenched in emotional blender soup.
“You just said you don’t need an explanation.”
“Ugh, Johnny,” you rubbed your temples, not because of an incoming migraine, but in a more dramatic, single mom in a bad murder mystery novel kind of way. “You always do this. You know what I mean.”
When you looked up, his eyes were softer than you thought. He looked…vulnerable, and lost. He had the other end of that string that you held onto as you slipped deeper into the quicksand, standing there, looking like only one who could pull you out.
He walked closer to you, and your body did not move away. He got close enough to sit on the edge of the bed, slouched over, and you dragged your legs over to sit next to him. “I’m your fucking niece?” You laughed easily now, and you watched his body vibrate as his body copied yours. “It was the only thing I could think of in the moment, okay?” His smile made your body feel electric, like you could conquer anything in that moment. And for a moment, you surrendered to the notion that it was exactly 10 months ago, on the precipice of the moment it all fell apart.
Why did you break up with me? You wanted so desperately to say, your voice coarse from screaming it in your mind for hours every day. But instead, you answered his measured attempts to keep a light conversation.
“You had any migraine this bad in a while?”
“No.” you shook your head, now tucking your legs in underneath you to lean on the bedframe, his body turning to face you as you did. “Been seeing a new physician. She’s much better.”
“Oh yeah? Finally dumped Dr Misogyny?”
“Uh huh. I figured I didn’t need someone who kept trying to convince me I was overreacting and being hysterical.”
“Mmm. Good on you, sweetheart.” Even though you knew how easily Johnny threw endearing terms around, your stomach still flipped violently at his reply, and you gulped.
“Taeyong’s been good too. He’s sleeping a lot better. Not working too late anymore.”
“That’s good.” Johnny readjusted on the bed, inching closer towards you. “He works way too hard. As do you.”
“Johnny…” Your voice ever so slightly caught in your throat, and it was noticeable enough for him to catch. You mentally cursed, but that’s when something in you went fuck it, and you went in straight for the kill.
“Why did you leave me…us?” Your voice shook, no matter how strongly you willed it not too, and the last word came out like a forbidden whisper.
He looked directly into your eyes, as if he was relieved that you asked him, like he’d been holding onto the response for the past 10 months. “I…I regretted it every single day.”
“Then you should have fucking told me.” You sucked in a breath. “You could have said anything to me, and I would have come running. I trust you, I…I love you.” Every breath felt painful as you let your confession hang in the air dangerously. “You know that.”
“I know, _.”
Before you could even let yourself process the moment, you leant over and kissed him. The guilt throbbing in your gut exploded like a small fire as it catches on to grow endlessly large and overwhelming. He grabbed your body, lifting you to rest on his lap, your kisses growing feverish with heat.
When you pulled away, you opened your eyes to come to your senses. “N-no, we shouldn’t.”
“Stop that.” He whispered against the skin of your neck. “You know he wouldn’t care.”
“That’s the problem. We need to do this properly.”
“You know why we can’t do that.”
“I don’t, Johnny. I don’t know why we can’t.” You began to argue with him, but he shut you up by hoisting your upper body further and further up, biting and sucking the skin down the base of your neck, collarbone, and between your breasts. Your arms latched onto his muscular shoulders as you rocked naturally on his lap. “God, fuck you, Johnny.” He chuckled against your clothed torso.
“Give me a second.” He pushed you gently backwards, rising up on his knees to let you watch as he pulled his shirt off with one hand. He fell on top of you in one fell swoop, kissing you between the cages of his muscular arms. His body rolled onto yours, making you gasp. “Johnny, I-“
it was for the nct august bdays (mark, xiaojun, jaemin)! it was super cute, we just got to decorate a boba store the way we wanted and give out freebies and just chill with other nctzens <3 i hope we can host more in the future for sureee
i'm sure by now everyone will have heard about the t@eil situation. I haven't been on here in a while as I've been absurdly busy, but I always strive to keep my account a safe space for you all. I am siding with the victim and do not stand for what he did. I just want to make that clear here. I will be removing him from my fics (I believe there is just one). sorry this response is so delayed.
I try to monitor messages here, but just an fyi for you all - I am very active on my fan/edits account @ l4vendersun. please do reach out if you are struggling in any way. I know last week was pretty difficult for me with this news, and I wasn't even really a big fan of him. but seeing my friends struggle online and in my city's nct fanclub was really painful. I love all of you and would like to lend support if you need it <3
in terms of writing - I'm gonna be honest, there's been a lot going on in my personal life (surprisingly good stuff though, albeit challenging) and I haven't had the mental space to write. but I'm hoping to soon, at least release some of my wips.
Warnings: None...just mention of guns and try to kill. Threats, misunderstandings, unforgiving and forgiveness, false death news and rival gang. A lot of mafia shits and mutual understanding and love.
W.C: 4.1k network: @k-vanity
It’s supposed to be a birthday gift for my bestie @nctstar but ik it’s too late😭 please accept my token of love for you🎀
🔥🔥🔥
Fire in the eyes.
That's how his eyes were reflecting the massacre in front of him.
Building engulfed in the high-rise fire and dense white and gray smoke. A smirk appeared on the face of the leader, brushing back his hairs and kicking the small piece of rock with the tip of his shoe, he turned around to face his best friend.
"It's done, boss."
The leader just nodded and walked towards the car waiting for him in the distance and he knew that the mission was successful and his revenge was over.
As usual he succeeded in this mission too.
He killed you.
>>>><<<<
Years had passed after the death of the CEO, Taeyong took over the organization, a well-known figure as the mafia leader of the leading group, NCT.
Despite his busy schedule, he always made time for his brother Mark, attending his university events and supporting his endeavors. Basically, you are Mark’s batchmate so it’s a gift for him to meet you whenever he goes to meet his set up spy --- his brother.
One night, as Taeyong was winding down after a long day after a mission, his phone rang. Seeing Mark's name on the screen, he answered immediately.
"Mark? What's wrong?" Taeyong asked, sensing the distress in his brother's voice.
"Hyung," Mark sobbed, barely able to get the words out. "She ruined everything. y/n... she destroyed our mission and tried to kill me."
Taeyong's heart sank.
y/n , someone Taeyong had come to know and trust. you seemed kind-hearted and genuinely in love with him. What could have happened to cause such a rift?
"Calm down, Mark. Tell me everything," Taeyong urged, trying to keep his own emotions in check.
Through broken words and stifled sobs, Mark recounted the story. He claimed that you had betrayed them, leaking confidential information that led to the destruction of the company. you had allegedly colluded with a rival to humiliate him and tarnish their reputation.
Taeyong was devastated, feeling betrayed by the person he loved most.
How could you do this to him?
He felt a surge of anger unlike anything he had ever experienced. you had seemed like the perfect girl, but now it appeared that you had a dark side. Taeyong vowed to make you pay for what you had done to them.
However, unknown to him, the truth was far more complicated than it seemed.
Taeyong began his plan for revenge with meticulous precision. He knew your routines and habits from the times you both have spent with each other and your social media posts.
Heck! He knows everything about you. He knows you. Not only your information and location but your feelings, your touch, your emotions, your voice and even your unspoken words.
So, your unspoken truth was also to betray him but why?
He let out a frustrated groan and aggressively brushed back his red hairs. The look on his face was absolute danger and the slit eyebrow with his finger rings brushing against them.
He can kill anyone.
You worked as a kindergarten teacher at a small school and often spent your evenings at a quaint café near your apartment. Taeyong decided to confront you there, where you would least expect it.
Or maybe you expect him?
One evening, he found you sitting alone at the café, engrossed in a book. Taking a deep breath, he approached your table, his mind set on exposing your deceit.
"Y/n," he said, his voice steady but cold.
You looked up, your eyes widening in surprise. "Taeyong? What are you doing here?"
It's been a month he had last contacted you and you didn’t question him further because Mark told you that he was busy with something and you better know that the mafia life is not something to play.
"I need to talk to you," Taeyong replied, sitting down across from you without waiting for an invitation. "About us."
Your expression softened, a hint of sadness in your eyes. "Us? What happened? Are you okay?"
Taeyong's anger flared. "Don't pretend you care. You know exactly what you did."
The anger on his face with the burning eyes staring at the soft and calm eyes of yours.
Confusion clouded your features. "What are you talking about?"
"You ruined everything ," Taeyong said, his voice rising. "You betrayed me,...even tried to kill my brother."
You ruined…betrayed…tried to kill?
He grabbed your forearm and dragged you outside the café. You didn’t even protest or fight back, maybe because your mind was already clouded with the accusation and his hatred towards you.
Doesn’t he trust you?
You kept staring at him until he took you to the nearby alley and harshly pushed you against the wall. You hissed when your back hit the concrete wall and bit down your lips to prevent any sob to escape.
Taeyong can’t hurt you, right?
He trusts you…yes yes he does.
Tears welled up in your eyes, and you shook her head. "No, Taeyong, that's not true. I would never do anything to hurt Mark and you."
"Save your lies," Taeyong spat, his heart pounding with rage. "I won't let you get away with this."
He slammed his hand beside your head. His eyes flaring in rage and you flinch at the sudden move but his emotions didn’t falter. He was fuming and could kill you anytime.
And he will.
Trying to touch his face, you slid a hand to his cheeks but he swatted it away and glared. “don’t try to make me trust you… I thought I had you. You are someone to me whom I can love forever. I wanted to leave all this shit just to be with you but you are the one who is trying to end everything…along with me.”
He scoffed, “what will you get from all these? Money? Power? Or are you just with me for someone else?” he grabbed your cheeks, your skin burning under his grip, he didn’t care the tears flowing down your eyes, “Tell me, y/n!”
He doesn’t want love.
He wanted revenge.
He wanted to kill you so that he won't regret loving someone who broke his trust. Someone he loved with everything.
He pulled his gun from the strap and held it to your head. Your wide eyes earned a sickening smirk from him, “I hate that I love you, y/n. I hate everything. I hate myself for trusting you.” He pressed the gun hard, you were not crying, not even flinching, not even fighting against it, “but I hate that I can’t hate you. Why? Y/n, get the fuck out of m, get the fuck out of my sight.”
You were staring blankly at him. it was like a void surrounded you where nothing else you can see or hear, it's only you and him and his hatred. And your emotions? You want to run away from him but still you want to stay close to him.
You accepted the situation, grabbing his leather jacket and clutching it tightly, you closed your eyes and whispered, “I can’t unlove you, Taeyong. Shoot.” You tried to smile but couldn’t so you breathed heavily, you didn’t want to meet his gaze, “I can’t see you hate me. I don’t want you to hate us. I love you, Taeyong.”
You waited for his action, his voice or the pull of the trigger but you heard nothing until he uttered under his breath, “I wish I hated you.”
Before you could respond, Taeyong stormed out of the alley, his mind set on finding more concrete evidence of your betrayal. Despite the nagging feeling that your reaction had been genuine, the anger inside him was doubting his every thought.
Did he just try to kill you?
Your eyes fluttered open and your eyes followed how he crossed the street and got on his bike. Before he could start the engine, he turned towards you, his face was hidden under the helmet except his eyes but you didn’t know what to feel at this exact moment.
There was relief in his eyes.
You are alive and he didn’t kill you.
But you clenched your teeth. Taeyong tried to kill you and still you chose to trust him and accept your fate in his hands. You are pathetic, y/n.
The bike went off to the dark endless highway, leaving behind you standing there in the lonely alley.
He loved you and trusted you.
After Mark, you are the most precious person to him and he couldn't believe that in the end, you were going to be the one to break him.
.
.
.
Days turned into weeks, and Taeyong's investigation grew more intense. He hacked into your email and social media accounts, searching for anything that could prove your guilt. He followed you discreetly, hoping to catch you in a compromising situation.
If you were someone else then he would have killed you on the spot. He wouldn't have thought twice about it, but you are someone he can't even hate for a moment and…how could he end it?
He loves you.
But you betrayed him and he believes in revenge.
To destroy you.
And his men followed his order to end you.
They ended the chapter of yours.
.
.
>>>><<<<
.
.
However, what he found in his search after that only deepened the mystery.
your messages were filled with concern for him. you had been trying to reach him, desperate to explain something. your social media posts depicted a girl heartbroken and confused, not the scheming villain Taeyong had imagined. As he delved deeper, he began to uncover pieces of a different story.
One evening, Taeyong found himself sitting in his apartment, surrounded by printouts of your whereabouts, emails and social media messages. He had spent countless hours piecing together the puzzle, and now he was starting to see a different picture. you had always been a protective sister and friend to Mark, but your efforts had been misconstrued, leading to a series of misunderstandings.
The real villain was someone Taeyong had a hunch of, a man named Hongjoong, who is the leader of Ateez and had been envious of Taeyong's success and had framed you to get him out of the scenario. you had no idea of Hongjoong's scheme and never tried to doubt him when they met at a cafe, but your meetings and messages had been intercepted and twisted to make you look guilty.
Realization hit Taeyong like a ton of bricks. He had been wrong about you. you weren't the villain—you were the victim, just like him. His heart sank as he realized the pain he had caused you with his unjust accusations.
And…he can’t apologize because that day, he burned that building, where apparently you were there. He didn’t know earlier but the next day he got the message from his members. You are no more and he hates himself more because the last words he heard from you was your love for him but he showed his hatred to you.
Will you forgive him after death?
"y/n, I'm so sorry," Taeyong whispered, his voice trembling. "I should have trusted you."
.
.
.
The moon hung low in the night sky, casting an eerie glow over the bustling city. As the leader of the most powerful mafia gang in the city, he commanded respect and loyalty from his men. But despite his cold and calculated demeanor, his heart had always been haunted by a single, lost love.
Years ago, a rival gang had taken everything from him.
His empire had been on the verge of collapse, and in the midst of the chaos, he lost the only girl he had ever loved. Taeyong believed you had been killed in the crossfire, --- killed by him.
your death had fueled his ruthless rise to power. Your memory was the ghost that guided his hand as he crushed his enemies and expanded his dominion.
Tonight, however, was different.
Taeyong's trusted lieutenant, Jaehyun, approached him as he stood in his luxurious penthouse, looking out over the city. "Taeyong, we've got intel on The New Rival. They're targeting our shipments. If we don't act soon, we'll lose millions."
Taeyong turned, his sharp eyes glinting with determination. "Arrange a meeting. I want to confront this one face to face."
Jaehyun nodded and hurried off to make the arrangements. Taeyong's mind raced as he considered the possibility of a new threat. He had faced many enemies over the years, but there was something different about this one.
The meeting was set for midnight in a deserted warehouse on the outskirts of the city.
His men went before but he delayed the time. People should have patience to meet him and he loves to see them getting anxious waiting for him. He smirked at the thought and started the engine of his bike.
Taeyong arrived with his most trusted men, each one armed and ready for a confrontation. He stood in the center of the garden of the warehouse, his sharp eyes scanning the darkness for any signs of movement.
“kill them at once.” He ordered his men and they all went into their directions, leaving him alone in the front gate from where only the leader would greet him.
The door creaked open, and a figure clad in black stepped in front. The figure moved with a fluid grace, their face obscured by the darkness. Taeyong's heart pounded in his chest as he watched the figure approach.
It’s familiar somehow and the only name is flashing inside his head. He shook off the feeling and tilted his head.
In the shadows, the name "Taeyong" was whispered with both reverence and fear.
"I've been waiting for this moment," Taeyong said, his voice steady despite the turmoil within him. "You've caused quite a stir. It's time we end this."
The figure chuckled softly, a sound that sent a shiver down Taeyong's spine. "You don't recognize me, do you, Taeyong?"
The voice was familiar, achingly so. Taeyong's mind raced as he tried to place it. The figure reached up and slowly stood in front, revealing a face he had never expected to see again.
"y/n..." he whispered, his voice cracking with emotion.
you, his lost lover, stood before him, alive and very much real. your eyes, once filled with love and warmth, now burned with a fierce determination. Those glistening eyes he last saw in that alley.
"Surprised to see me?" you asked, a smirk playing on your lips.
Taeyong's world tilted on its axis. "But... I thought you were dead. They told me you were killed."
"They lied," you replied, your expression hardening. "I was taken by that rival gang, yes, but I escaped from the building. And now, I've been fighting from the shadows, trying to bring down the very empire you built. You know your most trusted men helped me in this."
Taeyong took a step back, the weight of your words crashing down on him. "Why, y/n? Why would you want to destroy everything I've worked for?"
your eyes flashed with anger. "Because you changed, Taeyong. The man I loved would never have become this... monster. You've become everything you once fought against. You even tried to do the very same thing which you accused me of." you repeatedly hit his chest with your index finger.
Taeyong felt a surge of conflicting emotions. He had been driven by revenge, by the need to avenge your deed ---- the stupid information he trusted. Then your death shifted something inside him --- the thing he even hated about himself but also loved the change. He blamed it on you.
You have turned him like this.
But now, seeing you alive, he realized how far he had strayed from the person he once was.
"I did it for you," he said, his voice trembling. "Everything I did, it was because I thought I had lost you."
you stepped closer, your gaze softening for the first time. "You didn't lose me, Taeyong. You lost yourself. Also, didn’t you want to kill me." you looked up at the sky, “I believed for a moment that you will shoot and that’s the end.”
Again, you met his lost and shocked gaze, “but still I trusted you, Taeyong. And I should say the same thing today… I wish I hated you the same way you did.”
A tense silence filled the place as the two stood face to face, years of pain and longing reflected in their eyes.
The men outside the warehouse and around were oblivious to the emotional battle unfolding within you two. You both heard gunshots and noticed Jaehyun running towards the two of you. For a second, he halted when he saw you. He definitely knew you were alive, of course he was one of the men who helped you to hide from the world because after that mission, if anyhow the rivals knew that you were alive they would definitely try to kill you.
And they knew that would not be good for Taeyong.
But seeing you in the area of their rival was not sitting right. He didn’t say anything to you but turned towards Taeyong, “we have captured the leader. The others will take him to the base and we are cleaning the mess here quickly.”
They both exchanged nods and he ran off.
You flinched at the gunshots and then some shouts. Taeyong noticed, he noticed your every detail today and he won't let you slip like the last time, he grabbed your hand and started running towards a direction away from the warehouse, nearly the edge of the cliff. His bike was parked there and stopped beside it.
“Are you going to push me off here?”
You didn’t know what reply you could expect but suddenly he pulled you in his embrace, “never. y/n, you are everything to me. even if I did hurt you and hate you. Just know I hate myself more. y/n…I can’t hate you. I love you so much. I love you.” He planted a kiss on the crown of your head.
You hesitated to hug him at first but soon you let yourself melt in his arms, those warming and restless nights and whispered promises flashing in front of your nights when you both shared life and promised to stay for eternity. That can’t be over in years. He took two years to meet you again.
He hugged you tighter when he felt your arms wrapping around him, your ear pressed against his chest could pick up his heartbeat increasing its pace. He placed his chin on top of your head, “I don’t know what you are doing here today but please y/n let me prove every mistake I have made. I won’t hurt you again. I want to love you, y/n. I know probably it’s too late, might be…you have already given up on me.”
He doesn’t want to kill you.
He wants to love you.
Finally, you spoke. "It's not too late, Taeyong. We can fix this. But you have to choose—continue down this path of darkness, or find a way to make things right. Also, I knew this rival was friends with Hongjoong and I came here in the hope to meet you in person. I have watched you from shadows and always Jaehyun told me that to trust you that you love me."
Taeyong looked into your eyes, the love he had buried deep within him rekindling. He knew the choice he had to make. With a deep breath, he reached out and took your hand.
"I will choose you," he said, his voice filled with resolve. "Together, we'll tear down this empire and build something better. Please, have trust in me."
You looked up at his face, “it’s not about ending this empire. It’s about us --- you and me individually and together. This is your life, Taeyong and I won’t snatch away the things from you for which you have worked hard for years. But I want you to believe in me and yourself. It hurt me when you looked at me the way you looked at your rivals. I am not your enemy, Taeyong.”
You cupped his cheek, “I would end myself before hurting you. I would do anything to protect you.”
His fingers circled around your wrist and whispered, “I know.”
You shook your head, “you don’t know that you are different to me than anyone else.”
“how?”
“You are my only fire and light in this dark world.”
He kissed the side of your palm and smiled, brushing your hairs away from the face with his slender fingers, he placed a soft kiss on your forehead, “I can burn like a sun in this darkness for others--- to end them with my rage and power but for you I will light like a moon—calm and contended for you to love me ad trust me. I’m sorry, y/n.”
“Taeyong… you didn’t kill me. even though you tried…”
“don’t defend my actions, y/n. I definitely did wrong.” He turned serious and his voice was heavy and low.
This time you smiled, “but you didn’t. you hesitated because I know you love me. you are not the person I know to hesitate in this situation. You are a perfect leader. I am proud of you.”
“You are too innocent, y/n. I love you.” He pecked your lips. His lips on you felt so surreal after years and you wanted to taste it more. Not now but maybe later. You can wait for it and him. you have waited for so long and now you can wait with him.
His lips ghosted over yours when you whispered, “I know you will guide my innocence. I love you too, Taeyong.”
As they drove off the place hand in hand, the future was uncertain. But for the first time in years, Taeyong felt a glimmer of hope. He had been given a second chance with his lost love, and he intended to make the most of it, even if it meant facing the shadows of his past.
The days that followed were fraught with danger.
Taeyong's decision to dismantle his rivals was met with fierce resistance from his own men and rival gangs alike. Many saw his actions as a sign of weakness for his lover, and attempts were made on his life. But Taeyong and you stood united, your bond stronger than ever.
You are not his weakness but his strongest ability.
you used your knowledge of the underworld to aid Taeyong in his mission. you had spent years gathering information, and now, they used it to systematically help Taeyong in his missions. He included you as his partner in this world. It was of course against his choice --- mostly yours. He didn’t want to risk your life but your determination to help him made him proud of his lover. You both exposed corrupt officials, freed those who had been wronged by the rivals, and reclaimed the city from the clutches of their darkness.
One night, as you both sat together in a small, hidden safehouse, Taeyong looked at you with gratitude. "I wouldn't have been able to do this without you," he admitted.
you smiled, your eyes filled with warmth. "We've both changed, Taeyong. But together, we can create something good out of all this chaos."
your journey was far from over.
The city was still rife with corruption, and there were many who would stop at nothing to see you both fail. But for Taeyong and you, the fight was worth it. you have found each other again, and in doing so, you have found a new purpose.
The purpose of living for each other.
As you faced the challenges ahead, Taeyong knew one thing for certain: he would protect you with his life, just as you had protected him. Together, you would forge a new path, one where love and redemption could flourish amidst the shadows of your past.
To the city he is the fiercely burning sun but he would hide to be your moon in the darkness.
Note here💌:
So, you have two good news. One: I'm going to post another fic today...clap your hands💋
Another, I'm going to start writing Smuts again coz say thanks to my bestie renjunnnaaa because she made my mood lift up in past weeks and I'm out of that zone and yes spicy fics incoming soon👹
Thanks for reading and reblogging. Your reviews and comments are always appreciated. Spread love not hate.
BESTIE I LOVED THIS SO MUCH 🥺🥺 thank you for this bday gift!! honestly I feel like you are one of those writers that just get me, like as a writer AND reader. you write in a way that just speaks to how I would see scenes unfold in my head ♡ just amazing 🫶
