Neil N.

A '98 boy who is taking his time at pace. 《 KPOP 》 《 ART 》 《 LIFE 》 《 POP 》《 DRAG 》《 LGBT🏳️‍🌈 》 IG DANCE ACCOUNT: @neil.nrvz TIKTOK: @neilnrvz28

[neilnarvaez]

If your parents say you're really "the worst of the worst" just because at this certain age you must have THIS AND THAT.

HELL NAH.

Yes, I am slow as a turtle and I am making little progress to myself and as you can see, you cannot see them because...

YOU CANNOT APPRECIATE IT. PERIODT.

[furiousgoldfish]

When you’re growing up in abusive family, you don’t feel like “oh, I’m being abused, this is wrong.” You don’t even think about that. Instead, you feel guilty all the time. You feel like a horrible person. You feel useless and wrong, like something is fundamentally wrong with you, and you deserve every bit of harm coming your way.

For every time your parents hurt you, you feel it was justified and you deserved and provoked it. You keep feeling horrible and guilty about everything you’ve done to cause it. Even when something extreme happens, you dismiss it with “they didn’t mean that” or “it was just once, in anger, so it doesn’t count.”

You feel like a burden, because you know these people don’t want you in their house, and you don’t feel capable of being independent, and it’s on you that you keep bothering them with your existence, and don’t seem to be capable of getting out of there. You don’t feel like you deserve food, shelter, clothes, or anything. You feel like a burden no matter what you do. You don’t feel welcome anywhere, you don’t feel like you have a home, like there’s a place on this planet where you could be loved and cared for. You doubt yourself so badly, you struggle to see any value in your existence and it becomes hard. You break down and feel weak and lost and like everyone else is leaving you behind. You don’t feel like a part of anything. You feel guilty for existing the way you are.

If you felt this, you’ve been thru abuse. There is no one on this world who is useless, unworthy of love, or deserves to feel so guilty and to be hurt all the time. These ideas didn’t come from you, but from how horribly you were treated. Feeling this way is not normal. You did not deserve to feel this way.

[hyucksong]

the best kpop boy group is

all of them. whoever you stan. they all are amazing in their own ways and dont deserve to be pitted against one another because they all work hard for the fans.

[neilnarvaez]

Hey everyone! Here’s some of my stage design concepts for Produce 101. Since I am now a newbie Kpop Fan and I glad to be because, HEY i need this right now because I try to look on the bright side these days. Anyways, if ever Philippines gets to do like a Produce 101/YWY Concept, i would like to have this type of assessment/evaluation stage. What do you think of these concepts?? 

Please ask for my permission if you wanna use this image. Thanks! :)

Follow me on my IG: @enlei.ad 

[dejaru]

[deletemeforevaaas]

SHE’S A WINNER BABY! 😩❤️

[neilnarvaez]

Spoilerrr aleerrttt

But CONGRATS TO SHEAAAAAA!!!!

[caixukun]

3% bringing their family quarrel to work

[roiqin]

rip boogie, hello producer wang

bonus reunion:

[just-shower-thoughts]

Real life has become more and more ridiculous while movies are becoming less and less ridiculous.

[svpermonster]

third time’s a charm !

[neilnarvaez]

‼ Team Jujubee for TOP 3/4 FOR AS5 ‼

[ogeeitsme]

I don’t know when yesterday was and I don’t know when tomorrow is

[neilnarvaez]

This is sooo true. I feel that I am moving slow but I know that TIME will not wait for me and that I agree tho!

[just-shower-thoughts]

As a child, you are amazed at how adults are able to do such complicated things. As an adult, you are amazed at how other adults are unable to do such simple things.

[neilnarvaez]

Dear Narcissistic Parents,

Please! We are stuck in our own ways but always remember your responsibility as a parent.

[just-shower-thoughts]

If there’s hair in your food the hair is disgusting , but if there’s food in your hair the food is disgusting.

[just-shower-thoughts]

Life is an STD. Sexually transmitted and 100% fatal.

[neilnarvaez]

Yep. No questions asked.

[neilnarvaez]

Here are some Ben & Ben Wallpapers I made a while. You can save them in your phones. *wink wink*

[neilnarvaez]

Mission: Self-First!

The wait is oveeer! Here is my first blog post hahaha! Hope u like it! I am starting to conceptualize and build my weekly blog here on Tumblr so, keep on spreading some love on my blog and for more future blog posts towards the next year!!! 

These past few months after graduation I was thinking about what I wanted to do after I finish my education. Many depressing moments had happened and I was thinking if I wanna do what I supposed to do, questioning all the guilt and worrisome I built after years of studying hard in school. Something that I wanted to ponder on because of the different kinds of pressure that range within family issues and expectations to your former classmate on high school or college and more so, jobs that have a piece of specified luck to them after graduation. As for myself who has at least a higher GPA after graduation has set me downfalls, hesitations, and realizations after my graduation. Yes! Even I who has seen many people have been very optimistic about my intellectual ability and still experiencing personal problems regarding my mental state is really confusing and mind-boggling to go to. The pressure is my real enemy here in making my path into this fast-paced world because how can I dream my own path if these could interfere with my decisions on how I wanted in my life to be more worthwhile. I know that pressure can either give you good karma or bad karma if you do it exactly how you do it. With this in mind, this is why I decided to let myself, create and build my own decisions to myself rather than being dependent on the opinions of other people.

At this point in my life, I wanted to be selfish first for myself because that is what I lack in my personality and this is what I wanted to build up for. Throughout my whole journey in my school life, I was never that kid who always been himself or herself first then other people but rather the opposite of it. I would help others rather than to help myself which is very my instinct ability triggered in my body as soon it flows. But, as I grow older and more independent-wise of myself, I realized that sometimes trying to prioritize yourself first is the easiest way to accomplish some of the goals you wanted in life. I always ponder this concept really to myself harder on this concept of self-love or being self-prioritized first because I wanted to see what would be loving thy self first bring into your personality, aura, and uniqueness among all other humans.

At this stage in my life, this is my mantra to go for the rest of my life because, in real life, we all wanted to know ourselves first more than anybody else. As I quote on RuPaul says, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you can love somebody else….” As for you who is reading this short but meaningful message and opinions of thought of mine, remember that prioritizing or loving yourself first is the best thing that you could ever do to plan your whole career whether as a professional or a student, or somewhere between that radar though, that could change, brighten and liven up your day to start and exceed your brand new purpose in life and I assure you that the rest of it will follow if loving yourself first is applied.