REVIEW OF THE MOVIE "TAROT" (very long post.)
MEGA SPOILERS FOR TAROT (obviously.)
i just finished watching 2024's tarot on netflix, and omg i have never seen a movie that had so much potential but went up in fucking flames of trash.
so right off the bat, we do not get enough time to meet our characters before they start to die, but before that, i could tell the gimmick right away. of course thats fine, since i pointed it out, i decided to write down the order of their readings, and things that stuck out to me. the order of the reading went as such:
Elise, Madeline, Paige, Paxton, Lucas, Grant, and Hailey.
for Elise's reading, it stuck out that hailey said she would be crushed by a weight (hailey was doing the readings), and she in fact did die first, with her neck being crushed by the pole of a ladder. she died off before we even knew a damn thing about her, but id say this first kill was ok. she was really stupid tho, cus she heard girls running around in the attic, and went up there thinking it was a birthday surprise???
then of course next in the death line would be madeline right? NO its LUCAS??? his death was stupid! purposely going out of order for this one kill for zero reason???? and also he was told "dont follow the hermits light" and he didnt? he still died tho?! he was 'lead' to a set of train tracks, and first off, stupidly walked on the middle of some tracks? but thats not when he dies, no no, he gets in an open train car? and gets chased by the hermit? (FORGOT TO MENTION THAT THE ARCHENA THEY GOT IN THE READINGS ENDED UP COMING AFTER THEM! lucas got the hermit and elise got the high priestess) he ends up backing out of the car and the hermit literally just jumpscares him in the line of an oncoming train?! one that mind you, we didnt hear, and also isnt brought up in the news reports we immediatly hear? like- they say they just found a slumped 'unresponsive' body, did the hermit congure it??? ill say it again, him dieing second even though his reading was fifth??? they just wanted to kill a character off oml-
next is madeline, and in her reading things that stuck out to me were "surrender, tech fail, hung up on, and water under the bridge", and she got the hanged man for her major Arcena. she is seen for the small time before and during the reading constantly recording on her phone, so when you hear/read 'tech fail' you would think it had something to do with her phone, but no. the tech fail is the car grant is driving just stops moving on a bridge. she was told in her reading to not run away from things, and face them, but like- she gets out of the car and starts running away???? then, no joke, she runs into a noose. so its just like- around her neck now?? then it gets yanked up and the hanged man is just holding the rope. she just gets hung.
ok- so before i move on, i will say this movie is definatly not for people who can read between the lines, cus the characters spend half of their lines restating their readings and being super unsubtle. so while they are in that car, they are all talking like that when for some reason madelines phone is playing the video she took of the reading, and that is the only time those recordings ever have meaning in this movie.
now, onto my least favorite part of this movie, AKA the part where it really starts licking that fucking toilet bowl. PAXTON. who has been on the side of entertaining the horoscope this whole time, is just against it now. before madelines death they had gone to some lady named alma's house who did a huge fucking lore dump, and explains that the card they used were cursed or whatever. and the whole drive there, paxton is reading through the torus description online and is believing legit ALL OF IT. SO IT MAKES NO SENSE FOR HIM TO CALL IT WOO WOO BS AND LEAVE. in his reading i pointed out "crushed, rash decision, leaving his friends, boxed in, and suprise hero or just shows up literally" his card was the fool, and thats what this whole segment was, FUCKING FOOLISH. after madeline dies he just leaves the group, after hailey baby talks us by bringing up the 'making rash decisions' thing from the reading, and he just doesnt listen? to the girl he has been believing this whole time! but anyways, he goes to his apartment, sees the fool in the glass doors reflection, then freaks out and goes into his apartment. he takes the elevator (boxed in), and as the numbers on it go up, he also starts speaking to the audience like were idiots. "ascending numbers, and i'm boxed in OH NO!" like come on. he gets to the 5th floor and the door opens to see the fool who just fucks with him, when he just shows up in the elevator for somehow, and then...
NOTHING. ITS A JUMP CUT. we find out what happens at the end, cus he does in fact come back as the 'surprise hero'. apparently his fucking roommate opened the elevator and the fool dissapeared. but like- WHY DID IT STOP GOING AFTER HIM???? ALSO FUCK YOU MOVIE THATS THE STUPIDEST THING TO DO. but i thought he was dead until the end cus i was confidant it was a dumb jumpcut death.
next up is alma! the random lady we met 10 minutes ago :D Y A Y. she is a character that is trying to be that jaded experienced supernatural woman, but its so one tone and stupid, cus she talks like an alien and does nothing. they go back to the house they rented in the start, and they bring alma for some reason. she does like half of a spell, then the astroliger (og owner of the old tarot deck hailey used for the reading) shows up and just- idk has THE FORCE???? FOR NO REASON AND IT IS NEVER EXPLAINED. most of the monsters 'powers' arent explained and make no sense. but she does almas reading and her final card is the 6 of swards, and then alma gets dragged into the darkness, and for some reason just drops from the sky with 6 swards in her. say it with me now "THAT, WAS, STUPIDDD!!" yeah she was just the plot speaker then meant nothing. she was literally just an extra body.
next up is paige, who is i think the best character in this movie and also played by a lovely actress, Avantika. she seems like the only character who has the tiny amount of character development. she is devistated when her friend dies, but also like- is ok 2 days later???? SCRIPT WRITERS, DID YOU DRINK BEFORE WRITING THIS? /j. when she got her reading i got "torn in two, practical, logic based, blinded, and deception." she got "the magician" as her major Arcena. there is only her, grant, and hailey left in the house and they all make a run for it, but then paige is teleported to anotherp art of the house, and is Decieved by a voice that sounds like hailey calling out to her. now at this point this movie makes me think she cant be that stupid if she is literally said to be the logical one. GIRL YOU WERE RUNNING BEHIND HER HOW IS SHE NOW BEHIND YOU. whatever, she gets locked in the basement and loses all her braincells, cus she just fucking wanders deeper into the basement and stands right under a light, looks up at it, and it explodes, kind of blinding her for like- 15 seconds? so that was used but also didnt need to be there. she then wanders through some curtains and ends up on a stage next to /the magician' and an audience. she gets chains around her ankles which also, do nothing. she crawls away to a box, and just gets in it?!?! like WHAT DO YOU MEAN??? and this whole time a song saying over and over again "i saw you" is playing. the magician drags the box on stage and we see him holding a saw (i think the song is also so dumb to have there) he starts stabbing the box with the saw, not getting her, and then turns a crank that changes the shape of the box??? it makes it thin so shes forced to lie down, and in this moment i am thinking " ok at least this ones gonna be gory right?"... no. we see NOTHING. just a blurry aftermath of her cut in half body. and she dies from being cut in half, but like right away??? she would still be screaming. like omg this could have been so much cooler but we saw zero gore! WE DIDNT EVEN SEE THE SAW CUT HER.
then the fucking final act. when paige was poofed away, grant and hailey wanted to go back and find her, but then they see a shadow of THE DEVIL grow, and it was pretty cool looking! they run off (logically) and baricade themselves into a room. once we go back to them they are talking about their relationship (this whole time they had just freshly broken up, and grant has been just the most "be against everything hailey say" type of dude, with zero redeeming qualities. they are talking by a window when he gets ripped out of it (i laughed out loud when that happened, cus omg was it not scary at all.) and we see Haileys arcena. "death". ill say this, death looks cool in this. they resemble a starving man with lost hair. death seems to be able to teleport, and i was scared the most by death (not to say it was scary, just a few jump scares that were frankly predictable) hailey thinks of reading the astroligers horiscope (cus when you get urs read by those cards you will die via the shit and idk man) so shes rushing back to the space from before, and see's almas body again and gets scared by it. like- girl. you fucking saw that already! then all that death seems to do is choke her. and then peaces out.
then, grant comes out of nowhere (which frankly i forgot where he went) and he got "the devil" as his card, so thats why the devil showed up. we see the devil in a spit second clip that i had to pause for, and imma just put it here
personally i dont like its design, but you can come up with your own opinion. BUT THIS IS ALL WE SEE OF IT. WE SEE ITS SHADOW, THIS TINY CLIP, AND ITS HANDS AND FEET. like i could tell this movie had like no budget for the monsters or gore sfx. but yeah he jump scares grant, then knocks him down, and opens a portal to hell?! that was a cool thing, but it showed up in 2 clips and as he is legit being grabbed by demons and is halfway though the portal, we cut back to hailey and he just walks in???? cus she had just like- read the astrolygists horiscope and made her go away but DUDE WAS HALF WAY INTO HELL. HOW DID HE SURVIVE?!?!?!
the ending, the stupid fucking ending. they two are walking on a road, and talking. then a car pulls up, and grant says "oh it mentioned a dark road in my reading", which i was just sick of tbh, the baby script like we didnt get it already?! but no its a fake out, and ITS PAXTON! i know you know cus i told you, but i was not surprised either! IT WAS SO STUPID. they just get into his car and drive off, then ask him how he survived and he says how, but like HOW DID GRANT SURVIVE, DUDE!
this movie had one other mechanic that respectfully was not it. when they were about to get attacked, they heard the voice of hailey saying their reading but just the important words. this garbage pile was filled with shitty writing, way too quick plotpoints, hardly fleshed out characters, and zero gore. not even a bloodless injury.
NOW ITS TIME FOR THE MONSTER REVIEWWWW!!!
THE PRIESTESS: cool looking, but needed more! the attic was dumb but her reveal was really cool
HERMIT: legit all i wrote was "meh" and honestly i dont have more to add
HANGED MAN: one of my least favorites, looked like the monster from 'until dawn' (NO I WILL NOT TYPE ITS REAL NAME.), we also dont see this one that much, its really not all that cool
THE FOOL: OMG COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER!!! i wrote in the moment as i watched so this is what i said "creepy, cute too, jump cut kill >:(" and that was all. he could have been used so much better and honestly my opinion on him are so low cus thats where the movie really starts tasting like garbo.
MAGICIAN: stupid looking, just a dude, stupid kill. powers make no sense, and a poor design.
THE DEVIL: dumb lookin. useless and does jack shit!
DEATH: "cool design, scary, teleporting ass, mediocre." THATS what i wrote. and i still agree! he was such lead up to nothing.
and finally, THE ASTROLAGER: "cool design, the force" cus she has the fuckin force. idk why, it doesnt make sense, she also doesnt use it like someone who is smart would. also she is apparently a shape shifter???? meant to be each of these monsters? but she is delibratly seen with hailey as the devil is with grant.
long story short, fav monster: death. least fav monster: hanged man. fav character: paige. least fav character: grant in personality, lucas in nothing points (cus he was a boring nothing character)
this movie purposfully stupidized its characters when they were gonna go die so it 'made sense', but also had BS kills and a BS script. the only good thing was the actors, trying their best with such garbage. they should have shown the monsters more, established their powers, and made the kills make sense.
2/10 movie, the two is for the film skill, and the acting backbone. don't watch it if your expecting a good story.
