Shane doesn't dislike his body. He likes what it can do - that it listens to him, that it responds in a predictable way. He knows he's conventionally attractive, he knows his husband finds him attractive. So, he doesn't dislike his body.
But, like everyone, his body has it's imperfections. Ones that are visual, but don't effect his function. Ones that are just annoying.
Ones like his stretch marks. He got them as a young teenager, when he starting gaining muscle faster than his skin could stretch to accommodate it.
Ones like the dips in his lower back that he could never fill out with muscle.
Ones like the layer of fat over his stomach that never lets him have really visible definition unless he restricts his water intake.
He's used to these things being airbrushed away when he does commercials or promotions or modeling. Stretch marks are smoothed over, his back is groove free, his abs are well defined. Foundations smooths out his skin and his body is arranged in the most flattering light.
He's never given it much thought. It's just what post-production does - make people look perfect.
His viewpoints shifts one day, as he goes through the photo album on his husband's phone. The Cens are doing a Paws for Pucks night and Harris requested a few pictures of everyone's dogs for their post. Ilya takes a lot more pictures of Anya (or just pictures in general) than Shane. And for some reason, Ilya roped Shane into finding suitable pictures.
He couldn't resist opening the album that was simply titled 'Shane'.
There were hundreds photos of Shane. There were super close-ups of his face with the .5 lens that made his eyes and forehead look big and his chin look little. There were pictures of him on the couch leaning over, skin rolls visible on his stomach. A picture of him blinking, with his eyes half closed. A picture of him sleeping with his face smushed on the couch. A picture of him looking down at his phone that makes it look like he has a double chin. A zoomed in picture of the crinkle lines by his eyes when he smiles. A picture of him first thing in the morning, grumpy look on his red, puffy face. A picture of him from the side with his face slathered in shaving cream.
And yes, there were some of Shane's modeling pictures and some stills from hockey videos, but the vast majority where just random candid photos.
He's not really used to seeing photos of himself like this.
"Jesus Christ!" Shane jumped at his husband's voice behind him. He twisted around on the couch, unhappy look on his face. "Why do you have all these?" He waved the phone.
"Photos like - like this!" Shane tapped on one. A picture of him with his hair sticking up in all directions, hand rubbing at his clearly tired eyes.
"That one?" Ilya leaned over the back of the couch, arms wrapping around Shane's shoulders. "That one is because you looked adorable."
"I did not," Shane grumbled. "I look stupid in all these pictures."
"You think my husband looks stupid?" Ilya's arms tightened.
"I am your husband," Shane selected another picture. A zoomed in picture of the stretch marks on his thighs that wrap around to his ass. "And yes, in these pictures, I look stupid."
"You don't look stupid," Ilya pressed a hand on his forehead, pulling his head back so he was looking up at Ilya leaning over him. "That is what you look like."
"Well, sorry," Shane wiggled out of his grasp, embarrassed.
"Why sorry?" Ilya hopped over the back of the couch, causing Shane to grunt as he was jostled, and settled next to him. "These are my favourite pictures. Not all pictures make the cut for this album."
"But they're all so...," Shane struggled for the word. Saying ugly was not necessarily true. It felt true, but he knew that wouldn't be well received. "Unflattering."
That still seemed to make Ilya unhappy. "I am your husband."
"I am not just stupid crush or boyfriend. I get to see all of you. Not just public you. Not dressed up you. I get to have it all. This is just for me."
"Oh," Shane looked back at the photos. It was true - he wasn't much for posting online anyway, but he had a brand to keep up. He's sure that Rolex wouldn't enjoy people seeing him out and about in old sweat pants with holes in the knees.
"And," Ilya continued, pulling him over to rest his head on Ilya's chest. "You understand we will not always look like underwear models, yes? We get old, retire, abs are gone. Gray in our hair. Wrinkles. Still, you will be most sexy man in the world to me. Because you are my husband."
Shane swallowed, the familiar feeling of tears in his eyes. "You really think that far ahead, Rozanov?"
"That is Hollander-Rozanov to you," Ilya whispered into his hair. "And yes, I do. About this."
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