Apollo

I write sometimes

[neuronuke]

Introduction post

My name is Jack, I do a lot of writing, mostly poetry and songs. I also draw and design tattoos, scrapbook, make music, sew, and basically anything creative.

I made this tumblr account as a kind of archive for all of this stuff so my friends will stop bitching at me to “get my stuff out there.”

I’m not really expecting this to go anywhere, but if you’re reading this, I hope something here resonates with you, and thank you.

[neuronuke]

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree Different roots, but from the same seed I am not you, and you are not me But we are both everything the other could be

[neuronuke]

My 2025 recap

It’s awesome that I actually had clips to use this year, because I was actually living my life outside instead of through a screen. It’s surreal.

[neuronuke]

[neuronuke]

Stray

I was sick when I recorded this and it’s like the very first version so, gimme some grace

[neuronuke]

All the blood I bled was never beautiful it was only ever red.

I can think of a million things

I'd rather write about instead

After all the pain

I never gained

A single goddamn thing from it

No, I just ache and ache and ache and ache.

And it just takes and takes and takes And takes

And takes.

[neuronuke]

I don't know the motion

I only know the details

I don't get the notion

Not until I exhale

Only for the notion

And only if you exhale

Tryna get my shit together

Please don't call the cops

And god I beg you please don't answer

If anybody knocks

I know it looks pretty bad

But hey aren't you at least glad

That you got to see me

Before my life collapsed

Sorry I don't live up to

The expectations you had

I know you said you're sorry

But I'm still a little mad

Yeah you might've been my father

But what I needed was a dad

I know you said that you'd try harder

But it still makes me kinda sad

No I never had team

We were never family

It was never us

It was always just me

I think you see clearly now

But you're 18 years too late

Now the only thing I have

Is a therapist and pain

[neuronuke]

I know

I'm low

I know I'm an asshole

It's all

For show

But you would never know

I keep it all so deep

Sometimes I think that I can't breathe

Most nights I can't sleep

I lay awake praying for dreams

To take me under

To something other

Than this

God just take me under

Deaths my only lover

And Jane's my only friend

What has this life given me

But hatred, booze, and nicotine

All is good if I believe

But darkness is all I can see

I'm blind

I'm losing my mind

Running out of time

Was it all a dream?

Something deep inside of me

It's boiling up and I can't breathe

Sprawling forest, ivy green

Crashing waves and salty sea

Wake up

Get down

On your knees

Clasp your hands

Pray with me?

[neuronuke]

I hide behind a shield of words

The weapon I wield is my voice

But what I say will not be heard

And that much is a choice.

Dripping with a deathly silence

Wash the sound away

Quiet still, the air is violent

Wish I could escape

[neuronuke]

Dont you dare get too close

Cause I bite the hand that feeds

I’ll be your wildest fantasy

And your darkest dream

You can be obsessed with me

Get drunk on my lips

Like a bathtub full of Hennessy

When you only want a sip

Tell me I’m your favorite drug

But sometimes drugs are poison

Sometimes poison feels like love

‘Til you no longer want it

[neuronuke]

Couldn’t get over my problems

Got underneath a new one

He had light brown hair

Blue eyes

Or were they brown?

[neuronuke]

The injury is healing

I still walk with a limp

I still flinch when I’m kneeling

Like I’m still gonna get hit

Bare my teeth, like a dog

But my tail’s between my legs

Stomach growling at the table

But you’ll never see me beg

Yeah I didn’t drown

But there’s still water in my lungs

My feet are on the ground

But there’s salt on my tongue

No longer in the fire

But still my body burns

With the pain of survival

Cuz surviving fucking hurts.

[neuronuke]

Its 3 am, and i cant sleep

A prisoner, to my sheets

Lay awake, counting sheep

Watch the clock, hear it weep

Eyelids are heavy

Feet are unsteady

I know I should sleep

But I dont think Im ready

I cant face my demons

I cant face my fears

I cant find a reason

For all of the tears

My worst nightmare

Lives in my head

I’ll live it every night

Til’ the day im dead

The story might be different

But it always feels the same

Overwhelming helplessness

The need to get away

[neuronuke]

You were the hammer

And I the nail

Every night I try to forget

And every night I fail

Do I hate you for being the weapon

Or do I hate who loaded the gun?

Maybe I hate myself the most

For being called your son

[neuronuke]

My greatest fear is also my greatest desire; to be understood.

To be seen, heard, felt—to be experienced. To not be alone in carrying the burden of knowing me.