a/n: shes here.. and shes evil......
again thank you for all the support on the first chapter and im sorry this took so long i couldnt get it right for the life of me
lmk if u want to be on the taglist <3
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A light buzz from your phone woke you. The cold night air creeped under the covers as you reached for the notification.
You blinked away your annoyance, forcing yourself off the bed and drowned in a thick hoodie before hopping out of your window. When you arrived, he was already sitting at the park with his gaze on the ground.
"Whatever you're dragging me out of bed for, this better be worth it."
He raised his fingers to pull the cigarette from his teeth, passing it to you and exhaling the toxic cloud.
"Do you remember that modeling agency I told you about?"
"They got back to me. They want me to work with them."
The words were a shock of electricity, waking you to full consciousness. "That's amazing! You have to do it!"
"They want me to work with them in New York." Your heartbeat caught in your throat. Seeing your expression, Roman immediately decided, "I won't do it."
"Are you crazy? You have to."
"I don't even know when I'd come back."
"Then I can come and visit. Over spring break, in the summer, I'll come to you."
"I can't let you do that."
"You know how badly you've wanted this--how hard you worked for it. There's nothing worth staying here for, Roman"
The words caged behind his teeth like wolves, threatening to run wild.
You didn't know it, but he hadn't slept. Not because he couldn't, but because he didn't want to. He sat on the edge of his bed for hours trying to think of how to tell you. His brain weaved through countless words but he couldn't sew together a complete sentence. The only thing he could conclude: he couldn't leave you. He'd never thought about it. His perception of the future always included you, so it stung to realize he might be wrong.
Since the moment he read the email, you became a scar on the front of his brain, loud and indestructible. He fought to think of any other reason why he shouldn't go, but none of them truly mattered the way you did. The thought of being away terrified him more than he dared to admit. That was when he realized you were his anchor.
Your teeth tugged at your chapped lips, parched from your prior sleep. "When would you leave?"
Neither of you spoke again. Your mind raced, trying to process what this meant. Roman had always been by your side for everything. You always knew he would be there when you needed him. Now, you didn't know how your days would look.
"I still think you should go."
His eyes traced your features in detail, as if he was already trying to remember you.
"I don't think I could ever leave you."
His words struck you like lightning, paralyzing you. The distant chirping of crickets was suddenly deafening.
He didn't mean it that way, right?
You forced yourself to meet his gaze again, plastering a smile to your face and grabbing his hand in comfort. "I'll always be here." Your words did little to ease him. "Promise me you'll do this. I can't be the burden holding you back from your dreams."
You could see his eyes flicker with something, like an itch. His lip twitched, struggling to say, "Okay."
You sighed away the weight on your back, only to welcome an unsettling pit in your stomach.
For the next five days, Roman was glued to your side. He went back to your place that night and stayed up talking with you until the sun leaked through the blinds. They were nonsense conversations, anything to distract the both of you from the obvious burden.
The rest of the world disappeared for a while. For those five days, it was just the two of you. As if you already weren't inseparable enough, you were basically one now. Every meal, every morning, night, walk--he was there, and you loved every moment of it.
Before sleeping, the two of you would build a pillow wall to keep to your sides of the bed, similar to the forts you used to make as kids. It was immature, but necessary to prove to yourselves this was all casual. Just two friends preparing for goodbye.
Some mornings, you would wake up to his fingers tangled in your hair, his arm stretched over the 'wall' to reach you. You always woke before him, so you never mentioned it. One morning, the wall was completely destroyed and you woke up entirely in his grasp. Part of you wondered if he did it on purpose--or maybe it was you, but again, you didn't say a thing.
On the last day, you barely exchanged words. The tension of his departure was enough of a parasite to strip away all of your energy.
Finally, as you had your last smoke together behind his house, he said, "I want you to have this." He reached deep in his pocket and grabbed your wrist, sandwiching a lighter between his and your palm. The case on it was something the two of you made together in middle school art class. It was littered with random scribbles and drawings, half of which you didn't even remember adding.
You didn't say anything, because if you did, you'd cry.
"Tell me you don't want me to go."
"I don't." A whisper of excitement washed over his face before you added, "But you have to."
"You're already packed. Your Uber to the airport is on its way."
"I'll cancel it. Unpack."
"Roman." Your voice was firm, demanding almost.
"Why do you want me to leave so bad?"
"Ever since I told you about this, you've been so eager to get me to leave."
"Are you hearing yourself right now? I've been staying at your house for the past week. You think I want this?"
"I don't know what you want me to say."
"Say you want me to stay."
You stared at him, silent. In this moment, you were a saint to him. Anything you said, he would do, and right now you needed him to get on a plane. You would never forgive yourself if he gave it up. You thought back to every time he would point out magazine covers and billboards, wishing it was him in the picture. His sudden hesitation was a riddle to you.
It was selfish, but you wished they never accepted him. You wished you never had to have this conversation.
His phone buzzed. You both knew what it read. He choked, "I have to go."
But he didn't move. He took a step towards you, pulling you to his chest in a swift motion. You embraced him without any delay. His arms caged you into him as if to protect you from something.
You were his heart inside his ribcage.
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