NevermoreUnknown @nevermore-unknown - Tumblr Blog

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Found a meme, created a meme.

#voltage inc #meme #Dui #scm #star crossed myth #Star-Crossed Myth #cute #funny

I Wonder...

When death approaches, I wonder what my lasts will be.

What clothes will I be wearing as my body loses its heat?

I wonder what my last my last words will be to someone, or who that someone will be?

What words or word will I think to myself as my mind drifts away?

How will I feel when my time has come? Will I even know it?

I wonder if my faults and regrets will resurface causing me to bear remorse at the things I have done, or what I had yet to achieve.

Will I smile knowing that death was always waiting for me no matter what pathway I selected to take?

I wonder what fragrance I will wear that day, or perhaps will it approach at night under the stars that have always enchanted me.

Where will I be headed? Am I late somewhere? Am I deciding to arrive early? Am I perchance enjoying the time I have to myself?

What will my last meal be? Something fancy like wagyu or will it be the sweet snack of a milk bread? Was it with water, coffee, or tea?

I wonder as I die what the cause will be? Is it a murder being solved, or will my killer never see the bars of judgement?

Maybe I have done this to myself and everyone will wish they understood why, even though I know exactly why.

I wonder if my rights will ever be wronged and my wrongs should have been more justifiable.

I wonder if my words and actions will ever be understood by those who happen upon them.

I wonder if I said plenty to the world and gave enough to the people small enough to fit inside.

And I wonder if I will ever be someone who was worth being anybody at all.

#writing poetry #writing #sad poetry #poetry #i wonder #was i enough #i could have added more lines but I chose to just stop #maybe ill add to it at a different time

I feel lost. Like I’m trapped in this dark space. I don’t really know how to go about this. Sometimes I wish I knew how I really felt. Instead of feeling stuck in this place I don’t fully comprehend. Stuck in past mistakes and regrets. I think I just want people to chat with. I lost my group of friends, and nothing hurts me more, knowing I might never have a group of friends to hang out with again. I’ll never be a part of group chats, or hangouts, sleepovers, and travels. I guess it’s not like we’ve had a lot of hangouts though. I feel like I wanted to do something with friends but it never really happened. I feel like they only started hanging out places when I left, which made me unbelievably sad, so much so that my sadness was only shown through frustration. I know that it was years ago, and they all probably moved on and are genuinely happy without me, but no matter how much time has passed, to me, that time never feels that far away.

I know I probably wasn’t a great friend, but holy shit, I feel like I tried to be. I’m such a people pleaser. I would do so much for my friends if they asked. I stayed after school even when I didn’t have any classes, just to ride the bus with them. I talked about deep conversations and things that made me upset or sad. I guess I never realized that maybe I had talked too much. That maybe all my negative emotions and thoughts should have stayed with me. And even if I wasn’t meant to take it that way, I did feel, after reading a certain letter, as though because I spoke about my problems so often, that I brought the group down every time I opened up. I don’t really know what to say to that honestly. I suppose I don’t remember complaining so much that it could be seen as a problem. But I only have one view, and I can’t see from their perspective. Now I can say I complain a lot though.

I feel so bitter. In high school I felt like I was a really bad person. I hated myself so much and thought so little of me that I wanted to end myself. I only ever told one of my friends, of course when some time had passed. I fought with my family and was called a bitch often by them that maybe I just believed them so much that it came to be. Maybe I just really was one and that was that. Looking back to how I used to be made me realize that I wasn’t even that bad of a person. I just internally thought so, and therefore I believed it was true. Now though, I really do believe I’m a terrible person.

All the people I lost, all the words said to me and said from me, I feel like a bad person. I don’t feel good. I just don’t feel good. I really don’t want to be such a horrible person but I can’t change who I’ve been. I can’t change how I have interacted with others in the past. And I know people say that if you’re scared to be a horrible person, clearly you care and that means you’re not necessarily one, but that doesn’t help me. That doesn’t change the fact that I still believe I’m this awful, fake person hurting people I’m supposed to care about.

I lost people that probably didn’t even know they meant so much to me. I was so upset, and hurt, and frustrated from not feeling like my voice mattered and nobody really cared that I lashed out in desperation and lost them all. I may not know what familial love feels like, but I know what I thought good friendships felt like, and I know that when I lost that, I lost it forever. I’ll never be forgiven if that’s even the right word to use.

I can write down all these thoughts but I still feel so distant. Distant from what, somehow it feels like everything. It’s all so faded and I don’t truly know what to do. I can’t erase anything but if I could, I would have just kept my mouth shut and continued to be friends with the only people I thought would stay with me a little longer.

Maybe one day I’ll create another blog so I don’t have to occasionally bother this one with useless thoughts and words that only make sense to me. I have someone on here I know irl. I would rather this blog not be shared so but who knows if they’ll even see this. Who knows if anyone will actually see or read this. It is quite wordy, and about a person you won’t ever care about. Maybe this blog and its occupant were meant to speak to the void and wait for an echo back that will never be.

#writing #how i feel #hello its me again #sad thoughts #sad boi hours #can you tell im emotionally done lol #the only thing that brings me joy is one song and im so embarrassed #alta mode by sena izumi is keeping me somehow afloat and i love to see him happy and smiling #also adore ashu yuta from b pros thrive thank you hot milk

Feeling is no fun. Emotions are no fun. My thoughts are 24 hours non stop no matter the time, no matter the day, no matter the week, no matter the month, no matter the season, no matter the year. They are present every second and some times I can’t stand them. It feels like they’re tearing me apart from the inside to the outside. They get so strong I feel like I can’t handle it. I cry because it gets so intense and I don’t know how to deal with it. I just want it to stop. To go away and never come back.

I know I’m a terrible person. I know I’ve done bad things. I’ve lied, cheated on tests, let people down, emotionally hurt people, ignored things, let my anger get the best of me, said words I can’t take back… I’ve done so many things that my emotions took hold of. I can’t control myself no matter how hard I tell myself to stop. I scream so hard and so loud in my head that my throat will hurt regardless at how no scream actually escapes my dry lips.

I can’t take this anymore. This isn’t right and yet, I feel as though it’s justified I feel this way. For all the bad I feel I have done, this might just be what I deserve. All I’ve ever known is how to feel, but I don’t want to feel anymore. I don’t want to keep this head space. Will it still be justified if I feel nothing at all. If I just turn into a doll. If I fall into a deep sleep, and awake as a mere shell. I’ll leave the ghost of who I was behind, and face the world as nothing but just another useless puppet wandering around like an npc. I don’t want to feel everything. I hate wearing my heart on my sleeve. I hate living in a mind that cares what others think no matter how hard I try to tell myself their opinions shouldn’t matter. I want to cut it out. I want escape. I want to feel as though the me that was, is only a dream I woke up from.

I constantly feel like I’m not good enough for anyone, and I feel as though not everyone is good enough for me. This back of forth is hurting me. The sadness forming over the years has finally taken it’s toll this year. I can’t hide my visible irritation. I can’t hide when I feel sad anymore. I hid it so well for so long, that I didn’t even realize that one day I’d wish I had that skill again. More than anything, I hate that I feel like I victimize myself. That I’m the bad guy, and in disguise I always act innocent. That what I feel isn’t real, that my tears are nothing but fake. That my heart is bitter and my words are never honest. That one day people will see through my illusion and I’ll never recover from the truth spilling onto my castle of paper that I’ve built.

I feel trapped in this body and I don’t want it anymore. This is the life I made, and this is what I get for all I’ve done, and yet I can’t reap what I sow. I can’t take all these emotions and regrets any longer. They say if you live in the past, you’ll never have have a future. Maybe I don’t want to live long enough for a future to come.

Inspired by Kamigami no Asobi, Totsuka Takeru's love ending, Love Deeper Than the Ocean. Where you choose to return to the human world.

“I know that I won’t remember you after I return home, but I’ll yearn for you in the nature you represent. I’ll go to the beach and get this nostalgic feeling, that’s somehow both comforting and heart-breaking. Like I’m waiting for someone even if I don’t remember who I’m waiting for. The wind will blow and I’ll subconsciously start listening for it to whisper a name I didn’t even know I knew I wanted to hear. When I step in the water, it’ll enwrap me like a hug I’ll forever long for. The swaying of the blue ocean will resemble your flowing, dark hair and the waves will feel like sweeping my hands through your smooth hair once more. The warm sand will feel like your soft skin I won’t even remember I want to touch again. Looking for seashells that we once looked for together, trying to wrap my hands around shells that maybe you have touched so that it feels like I’m holding your hand just one more time. Tracing my fingers along the shore, writing gibberish trying to recall words we’ve exchanged that have now evaded me. And when it storms, I’ll still walk on the uneven sands of your cuts and bruises, next to the waters rage with your anger and frustration. Wondering while even in the worst of the rain’s fury, I still want to be in the middle of it, trying to calm a force I can’t. And even if I can’t remember why I start doing these things, and why I feel this way, you’ll still be a part of why I do them. You will be here with me even though our time together has all but faded from me.”

#im sorry i have no title for this :(#it's not the best #im embarrassed who this is about #神々の悪戯 #poetry #love poem #sad poetry #kamigami no asobi #totsuka takeru #im sorry for my terrible writing skills #im too in my head filled with nothing but fantasy worlds #random shit #writing poetry #takeru my bestest boi in the series

The feeling of wanting to change the unchangeable past.

The feeling of all those regrets, and all those moments that you wouldn’t change.

Every single friendship that ruined you, and all the friendships you have without a doubt ruined.

The indisputable fact that you have learned so little over the years.

The entirety of your tears, your sadness, your pure anger, your cuts and bruises and your scars.

The things you should have moved on from.

Words, forming sentences that spilled out you can’t ever take back.

The good ones and the bad ones.

Every single damn thing you have done in life.

All of it.

Tonight, randomly thinking of all these things.

Remembering the ways, people treated you.

Remembering the ways, you have treated people.

And all you have to show for it are tears.

Do you honestly think that’s enough for all that you’ve done.

For all the hurt you caused.

The way you made people feel.

What happened to the good girl.

The nice girl who made cookies for her friends.

The loud one, who cared for others more than herself.

The one who smiled for the sake of creating happy memories to look back on.

The one who should’ve just shut her fucking mouth and tried harder at being someone better than just a lazy bitch.

Better than letting people go who probably now haunt your dreams.

Waking up with the touch of tears in the edges of your eyes and the sensation of grief.

The urge to hold back tears is breaking, to the point that you write with anguish.

Pen and paper, keyboard and screen.

Coming back to what feels like your roots in an attempt to feel better about your previous actions, but deep inside all you’ll ever be is a horrible person.

The only thing we can do is chuckle at such a circumstance.

Always a victim of your own demise.

Just sitting, swirling in your thoughts of all the things you should have done.

Knowing thinking these things now is all for not.

What’s done is done, and it kills you seeing your mistakes that can’t be undone.

Knowing that your errors follow you after all this time.

The perfectionist in you is deteriorating as you watch the smoke of your accountabilities set aflame.

Just writing your useless opinions and no matter how much you type, nothing feels complete.

No words feel like the ending word.

No sentence is truly whole.

They always feel like something more could be added, but nothing comes to mind.

Maybe endings for us just aren’t meant to feel complete, or maybe just not meant to be whatsoever.

Things halt abruptly and the only one at fault is you.

Basking in your sorrow, expecting things to turn bright when all you envision is darkness.

Shadows dance across your fading smile.

The outline of a memory spoken through a voice now hoarse.

Will the day come where you find what feels like peace, or will your blunders forever more, like in the present day, torment you mentally and physically.

Peace that deep down you feel like you don’t ever deserve.

Can you really justify moving on like this after the bullshit you put all the people you were supposed to be close to through.

The person.

One person.

The one who was once upon a dear friend, now they are nothing more than a stranger through their blueish grey eyes.

You walk a path lit not by a single light.

And yet walking away is the only thing we set ourselves up to do.

So, walk.

#the person who i used to be #the person i am now #who do i want to become #will i ever be anyone #writing poetry #of nothing but failures of past deeds #dare i say #im a horrible person

My Writings

I’m going to start writing again and post some deep in thought moments here just for my own personal reasoning of because I can. Even if nobody cares. Even if nobody listens. Even if I’m the only one reading what I have to offer. Even if the people I want to read this, knowing these words will never reach them anymore, don’t ever see these. They’re my mistakes to bare, and I’m reaching in to see all my past actions and try to be something, someone other than whatever victim I was.