Dead Is The New Sexy

[blackgirlsvevo]

[nevertouchtheimpala]

women's shampoos be like: coconut; honey/milk; rose; tropical fruits; aloe vera

men's shampoos be like: ARCTIC ICE; DARKNESS; GUNS; TESTOSTERONE; PAIN

[ruinedchildhood]

[c0nt8ct-deactivated20211225]

[g-l-a-c-e-0-n-deactivated201506]

[factly]

[books-n-quotes]

The truth is, some relationships are supposed to last forever, and some are only supposed to last a few days. That’s the way life is.

Sophie Kinsella, Can You Keep a Secret? (via books-n-quotes)

[dephus]

[babyanimalgifs]

Me thinking about a joke I told last week

[lagonegirl]

[firelorcl]

nobody’s dick is big when you think of how small we are in the universe

[ruinedchildhood]

[rottenfaery-deactivated20190708]

“Just trust your gut”

Pal I have anxiety, my gut is literally always telling me to abort mission

[cantcontrolthegay-deactivated20]

*gets hit with feelings i thought i was over with* mmm i see that we’re recycling now

[wingscanspeak]

I am going to eat this entire candy cane.

[nightowlsupreme]

You’re going to get a cavity

[wingscanspeak]

good

[wingscanspeak]

30 min later, not much progress. 

[wingscanspeak]

Its been an hour. I bit my tongue, my teeth hurts and I’m almost halfway done…

[casualfanboy]

One hour and half done. That’s impressive That takes real skill and perseverance

[wingscanspeak]

an hour and a half. my grandma called and I didnt take it so i could eat this… i hate everything

[wingscanspeak]

i’d rather be eating anything but this

[wingscanspeak]

two and a half hours…. my mouth will never taste normal again

[wingscanspeak]

3 fucking hours

I’ve tasted Satans asshole and it tastes like 3 hours of mint. 

[wingscanspeak]

Please. Please don’t bring this back.

[butchercat]

‘Tis the season.

[clausy4life-deactivated20190624]

It’s November

[killjoygem]

TO BE JOLLY

[wombat-annihilator-deactivated2]

Up your game this year, OP.

[wingscanspeak]

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO PROVE. WHY???

[northeastartist]

Tis the season to taste Satan’s asshole falalala lalalala

[writing-prompt-s]

Years ago, you promised your firstborn to a witch. Since then, despite your best efforts, you can’t seem to get laid. The witch is starting to get pretty pissed.

[korpuscat]

Y’all get together to discuss your options and she starts coaching you on how to get men because she doesn’t want to waste more magic on you without promise of payment. The more time you guys spend together the more you realize you have a bit of a crush on her. Soon you’re sabotaging your dates on purpose to see her again. 

Long story short you fall in love and get married and do the sperm donor thing AND YOUR FIRSTBORN IS HERS BY DEFAULT and you live happily ever after. The end.

[only-1-a]

Baby cries in the middle of the night

Witch: Ughhhhh. It’s your turn.

You: You bought it. You handle it.

[gwydionmisha]

That is what I call a fairy tale ending.

[deleteme-adub-deactivated201811]

no more discourse everybody shut the fuck up and eat some bread

[biweatherman-deactivated2024012]

-Jesus at the last supper

[coquetrys-blog]

remember when dash drama looked like this

[ratzenbeco]