On Kharis and Xenia and first bites/sips
So many of you may know I have recently incorporated first sips into my practice and it revolutionized my relationship with the theoi. Well a part of that is not just pouring out my first sips… but also really thinking about what that means. Why we do it, why the ancients did it. What it symbolizes, how this offering culturally came to be. I’ve also been helping my sibling plan a trip to Greece and have been thinking a lot about how the culture of xenia still exists in Greek culture.
I grew up 2nd gen Greek American. My mom’s dad is an immigrant. Growing up, there was a lot of culture confusion between my Greek culture and my American culture. Sharing food was one of the biggest points of contention… So I kinda just think it deserves clarification for people who didn’t grow up in it. Especially as it relates to kharis.
So in Greek culture, when you have a guest, you offer them food. You do this in a gesture of goodwill, but also as a sign that every guest who comes into your home is family. When you’re a guest, it’s extremely rude to turn down the offer of food. It’s as if you’re saying you don’t want to be family, you don’t think they’re worthy of you.
Sharing food and drink with the gods serves the same purpose. You invite the gods in and ask them to be your family. They reciprocate by accepting your offer. This is how offerings work in general, but ESPECIALLY with food.
The reason why fist bites and first sips are so important is because culturally, xenia dictates we give first before we take. This shows a level of respect. We wait for our guests to tell us what they want before we choose what we want.
Culturally this is very different from white-protestant America. My friends’ families considered me to be extremely rude because I would come into their house and take the most desirable thing. They would offer me something to drink and I would take what I most wanted when culturally according to the script they’d been raised with, I was supposed to say “no, thank you I’m fine” or if we were comfortable say “I’ll take some water,” something that imposed very little.
In a culture based on xenia, imposition of guests is not really a thing. Your guests do not impose by wanting, expecting, or taking. That is their right. They’re guests. You impose by wanting them not to take from you or by holding back.
So you give first before you take. This builds kharis by not just sharing, but also by showing the respect and care of the gods as they are your guests. You take care of them, making sure they have their sip before you take yours. Its your gesture of good will, love, and care. Your sign to them that you respect and see them, more than just what they can do for you. It’s a hospitality we don’t culturally have in American culture, so it can be hard to understand what it means, what it says, and what purpose it serves.
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