starter sentences / marriage goals
‘Okay, the only way we can resolve this is by playing Battleships. You versus me, living-room sofa, right now. Bring wine & popcorn.’ ‘You can’t be serious about wearing that to ___’s wedding, NAME. We’ll be the laughing stock of the family — more than we are already, that is.’ ‘What’s the matter, love? Who do you need me to murder?’ ‘I never expected to end up married to someone who rick-rolls me via Spotify the second I get in the front door. Congratulations for defying my expectations.’ ‘Darling husband/wife, you can find your nerf gun & ammunition in the garage. First one to be struck cooks dinner.’ ‘Matching onesies are marriage goals god-tier & you can’t change my mind.’ ‘Spaghetti A-B-Cs and potato smilers are totally an acceptable dinner, babe, and not just for our kids. Bon appetit.’ ‘We’re not playing monopoly, because you always cheat & then cry when you still lose anyway.’ ‘Here you go, babe! Date-night Happy Meals, complete with mini Furbies.’ ‘I know you had a shit day at work, love, so let me rub your shoulders and tell you all about my shit day at work.’ ‘Let’s get a chihuahua and call him something like Bruiser or Danger and watch people’s looks of confusion in the street.’ ‘Welcome home, love. I burned dinner and the dog ate your passport, how was your day?’ ‘I’ll clean the bathroom, you do the shopping. You’re better at extreme couponing & I know not to mix bleach with cleaning fluid.’ ‘Help, it’s an emergency! Eight legs, hairy and scary, and it’s behind the bathroom door out of reach of the vacuum cleaner, so babe I’m afraid this is definitely one for you.’ ‘Not lazy? Sweetheart, you’ve literally drank all of the milk and put the empty bottle back in the fridge.’ ‘Peel half of the potatoes while I drive home, I said. Not ‘peel half of each potato’. Honestly.’ ‘Flour is what I needed for the recipe, not flowers, but thanks anyway.’ ‘Peak romance is when you proposed with one of those lollypop rings from the carnival.’ ‘Nobody gets to call you a muppet except me, husband/wife. You’re officially my muppet.’ ‘I love how I always end up wearing your painful shoes and you always end up wearing my comfortable sweaters.’ ‘I just got us divorced in the Sims. Probably less expensive than the real thing.’ ‘Pillow war is only fair when you’re not literally wearing armour.’ ‘Remember when we got married & we were bouncing on the hotel bed like ten-year-olds while everyone in our family thought we were forking?’ ‘You drive like you’re in Monaco for the races. I’m not giving you command of the car.’ ‘I’m glad I married you, ___. You’re the only one in the world as weird as me.’



















