Damian messing with the Bats because I think he would, ft. Jon as his occasional accomplice
Jason: Damian, come grocery shopping with me and Dick.
Jason: That wasn’t a question. You’re coming.
Damian: You can’t tell me what to do. You aren’t Father.
Jason: But I’m taller than you, and the tallest person has authority.
Damian: Why in any world would that be how that works?
Jason: I don’t know, that’s just how we do things here. Ask Cass.
Cass, across the room: It’s true. Tallest has the most authority. Bruce made the rule when Dick was Robin, and it stuck.
Damian, angry because he respects Cass: Fine! I will accompany you to the grocery store.
Later, Damian, Jason, and Dick are at the store, and Damian is still angry about it
Dick, sighing: Damian, why did you come if you were going to be so grumpy the whole time?
Damian, glaring at Jason: Fee-fi-fo-fum used the tallest-has-authority rule.
Dick, gasping: He almost never uses that rule!
Jason: The fuck did you just call me?
Damian: Fee-fi-fo-fum. I thought it was fitting.
Damian: Well, it’s from a nursery rhyme about a big, violent, and stupid giant.
Jason: Oh, I see, you think you’re funny.
Jason: Let’s see how funny you are when I start using the tallest-has-authority rule every day.
Damian, narrowing his eyes: You wouldn’t.
Damian: You brought this upon yourself.
Damian, yelling in horror, pointing at Jason: Somebody, help! He’s found me and is going to eat me! Help!
Jason, looking around at the people who are starting to look over at them in concern: Haha, no, that’s just my brother!
Damian: It’s a lie! Please, someone!
Jason, whispering: Will you shut up? This is Gotham for fuck’s sake; people are gonna think I’m actually going to kill and eat you.
Damian, ignoring him: Help!
Dick, seeing people walking over: Yeah, I’m not going down with you. Sorry Jay.
Dick tackles Jason to the ground: I’ve got him! It’s okay, everyone, I’ve got him!
Jason: Dick! Get the fuck off of me!
Dick: I’ll take him to the police, no worries, guys!
Damian, kneeling next to Jason, who’s still pinned to the ground: Remember this, Jason. Remember it.
Stephanie ratted Damian out for going on patrol alone when Bruce told him not to
Stephanie, sitting near him, nervous because she knows he knows it’s her fault he’s grounded: …
Damian: Isn’t your favorite color purple, Stephanie?
Stephanie, relieved: Aw, you remembered!
Damian: Interesting. I was just wondering because you’ve been wearing a lot of blue recently.
Stephanie: No I haven’t??
Damian: Come to think of it, I’ve rarely ever seen you in purple.
Stephanie: What about my Spoiler costume? You see me in that all the time.
Damian, widening his eyes: Oh dear.
Damian: Have you ever taken a colorblind test, Stephanie?
Stephanie: No, because I’m not colorblind.
Damian: I don’t know. Do you really think the Spoiler costume is purple?
Steph: Yes? Because it is??
Jon, appearing next to him: Hey!
Damian: You know Spoiler and the outfit she wears?
Damian, while communicating silently to Jon with his eyes: What color is it?
Jon, squinting at Damian, trying to understand what he wants him to say: Uhm, blue, I think?
Damian, smiling: See, Stephanie?
Stephanie: This is ridiculous. It’s purple!
Jon, understanding now: Why would it be purple? I thought your favorite color was blue. That’s the color you always wear.
Stephanie, running a hand through her hair in stress: Are you guys stupid? Genuine question, because it’s purple. I barely even like most shades of blue!
Jon, nodding: Because you probably can’t even see purple.
Damian: A tragic occurrence considering it’s your so-called favorite color.
Stephanie: I can see purple!
Jason, walking in: We talking about Steph’s colorblindness?
Stephanie, whipping her head toward Jason: Are you in on this?
Jason: Naw, I was just eavesdropping.
Stephanie: I’m not colorblind.
Damian, sharing a sad look with Jon: Okay, Stephanie. If you insist.
Jon, whispering loud enough for Stephanie to hear: You may want to tell Bruce about her colorblindness in case it’s a problem on missions.
Stephanie: I’m actually so done with this. You’re not getting to me! I know what you’re doing!
Stephanie, walking away and taking out her phone to call Barbara: Hey, Babs, I wear purple a lot, right?
Damian and Cassandra just sparred, and Damian lost
Damian: I thought you were trained by Lady Shiva, Cassandra.
Damian: I just wouldn’t have guessed from that performance.
Cassandra: You lost, though.
Cassandra, irritated: You did because I’m an excellent fighter.
Damian: Did Lady Shiva ever tell you that?
Cassandra, wrapping her fists with new tape: We’re going again.
Damian: Have something to prove?
Cassandra: Quiet. Prepare to fight me.
Duke, watching off to the side: Does irritating Cassandra while sparring with her count as self-harm? Should we tell Bruce?
Tim, eating popcorn: Honestly? Maybe.
Tim and Damian are fighting
Tim: You’re being stupid!
Damian: Tt. I’m not the one who thinks I could take over all of Father’s cases while he’s out of town along with continuing to work on my personal projects.
Tim: I’ve done it before. I don’t even know why you care what I do!
Damian, tired of this conversation: Why are you mimicking Kon?
Tim, taken off guard: What?
Damian: Have you been spending a lot of time with him? You’re talking just like him.
Tim, a little horrified at the idea: I don’t know what you mean.
Damian: And your movements, too. They’re very Kon-like.
Tim, who would usually motion with his hands but is now overthinking things, so he crosses his arms instead: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Damian: There! It was your tone.
Jon, immediately flying into the room: What’s up?
Damian: Tim is acting a lot like Kon right now, isn’t he?
Tim: I’m not acting like anyone! I’m just being me.
Jon, nodding: Oh, wow. That was just like him! Your acting has gotten so much better, Tim, good job!
Tim, feeling like he’s going a bit insane: I’m not acting!
Damian: Whatever you say, Drake.
Tim, calling Kon: Hey, Kon? I know we were meant to hang out this weekend, but I can’t.
Tim: I think I’m starting to act like you. I need time alone, a few nights without sleep, and a lot of caffeine. That should fix it.
Kon doesn’t respond for a few seconds.
Kon, climbing through the window into Tim’s room: Sorry, I needed to tell you to your face that this is hilarious. Do something! Act like me!
Tim, frowning: Telling you was a mistake.