I'm a swan

Neža, 28, Slovenia, INFJ. What I lack in social skills, I make up for in useless pop culture trivia and TV/Movies quotes. personal:

[gaynehollander]

Shane getting mad that Ilya swallowed the first time they blew each other because “this guy was determined to one-up him at every turn” makes me giggle and kick my feet. My competative boy was goaded into letting the slut ways take over.

[tinylilemrys]

When Shane joins the centaurs, Ilya arranges it that he gets the locker next to his. He's not passing up the chance to flirt with his half-dressed husband before and after games. Being captain comes with perks.

"You're lucky to get this locker," he tells Shane before their first practice. "Everyone in this room is always fighting to get it."

"Why, because it's the one next to yours?" says Shane, tugging a curl at the back of Ilya's head just hard enough to pull his head back playfully.

"Well, yes," laughs Ilya. "But this is also the magic locker."

Shane has that look on his face that Ilya knows means he's not sure if he wants to laugh or roll his eyes.

"The magic locker?" he says with a skeptical eyebrow and a fond smile. "I'm scared to ask what that means."

"You'll see. Is very mysterious. Science cannot explain it. You will soon see its power for yourself."

And Shane's laughing now.

"How about you get dressed so that you're not late for practice, Cap? The only power I want to see right now is your ass on the ice."

And Ilya has this stupid grin the whole way through practice that only gets wider when Shane gets back to his locker to find his favourite post-practice protein bar and an ice-cold can of ginger ale. There's a small post-it stuck to the protein bar that says "Welcome to the team, Hollander. Love, the magic locker elves. xx" It's unmistakably Ilya's handwriting.

"See?" says Ilya, delighted at how much Shane is smiling. "Mysterious."

"Super mysterious," he says, pressing a small kiss to Ilya's cheek. "Tell the elves I say thank you."

And every practice or game after that, there's always something small waiting in the locker for Shane. Because his locker is magic.

[shanetism]

[gaynehollander]

When Shane and Ilya get married at least one club in Boston hosts a wake for Ilya's slut era and hundreds of women gather, some to reminisce, others to mourn what they never had.

[wolvieispunk]

Shane doesnt really believe ilya's been in love with him since they were 17 until he reveals that when the plane was going down and he was feverishly texting Shane, while he was begging something higher than himself for more time to love Shane properly, the image in his head after 12+ years of scenes he could conjure was a parking lot outside a rink in Saskatchewan, and a pretty, freckled boy telling him he shouldnt smoke there.

[ilya-rozanova]

DO NOT SAVE HIM he's exactly where he wants to be

[gaygoatshane]

he couldn't believe he was being asked if he liked girls

[lesbianrozanov]

toddler shane mic’d up highlights

get the puck get the puck get the puck

faaaast i’m so fast

let’s gooooo!

[unintelligible noises]

go go go go

[singing o canada]

[sirens-scales]

We don’t talk about this enough. With all the big romantic gestures in The Long Game, this, to me, is one of the most romantic moments.

We know Ilya isn’t a fan of Shane’s restrictive diet. He teases him about it, but Ilya is an expert ragebaiter who knows how to tease the people he cares about when they feel safe and in ways that never really hurt.

Shane is “frantic” in this scene. Ilya has the perfect opening to say something about his diet, and he doesn’t take it. He sees that Shane is panicking, steps in and fixes it. He was looking at that menu thinking about Shane and Shane’s fuckass diet that Ilya doesn’t even like. But he knows this is important to Shane. He knows Shane is already nervous about being on a date with Ilya in public and being with another queer couple. So he meets Shane’s needs without Shane ever having to ask, and he does it quietly, without drawing any attention, so that Shane can save face.

Of course he’s gonna tease him about it a little bit later because that’s what they do. But he only does that AFTER Shane’s had a chance to catch his breath and feel safe again.

To be loved is to be known indeed.

[shanehollandersautismswag]

also, go off yuna hollander for telling shane to record that meeting to use as blackmail “just in case” truly where would they be without her.

[rainbow-femme]

They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.

[jesse-is-spiralling]

[walk-up-songs]

[one single bloodcurdling agonized scream] ok time to lock in

[letsboldlygomotherfuckers]

[titsay]

a little tired, that's all

[drawballa]

Family ice time 🏒

[baby-krill]

ANYWAY!! shane and ilya have kids via surrogate. ilya sort of makes an argument for not using his sperm on account of his depression and genetics and shane is like hey, shut the fuck up? end of conversation. also shane imagined a toddler with ilya’s unruly mop of curls one single time and now he will crash out if he doesn’t at least get a shot at making that dream come true. they do the nph/david burtka thing and each fertilize one donor egg and it’s a long shot that they’ll both take but they’re trying it anyway and they also manage to turn it into a sort of competition because they are freaks like that. both eggs take, obviously, thru the power of true love and the universe’s own unwillingness to pick a winner between the two of them. ilya full on fucking cries one summer when the kids are 3 and they’re getting them ready for bed after a long day outside at the cottage and he notices the tiniest smattering of freckles across the bridge of his toddler’s nose. shane of course gets his curly haired baby because he is the #1 I Get Everything I Want Through the Power of Visualization motherfucker this world has ever seen.

[tinylilemrys]

Just thinking about Ilya making the playoffs for the first time with the Cens and getting texts from Yuna and David about it.

Yuna's one is like, "HOLY SHIT THE CENTAURS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS! I never thought I'd be so excited to say that. 😂 This is such a huge achievement and I couldn't be more proud of you! This means I'm finally going to have to cave and by an Ottawa jersey. Don't tell David I told you, but he's still drying his eyes about it. Bubbly when you and Shane come over on Saturday for SURE, okay? Love you lots. SO proud."

And David's is like, "You did it, Cap! I know how hard you worked for this and it's paid off. We'll be cheering you on for every game. I am so unbelievably proud of you, kiddo. Love you lots - can't wait to see you and Shane on Saturday."

And Ilya just sits there unable to breathe because he's never had a text like this after making the playoffs except maybe from Svetlana. He replies to the messages, eyes blurry with tears, and spends the rest of the night opening them at random times, just overwhelmed by how loved he truly is.

[gaynehollander]

Shane has always been a big napper. When he was young, school really tired him out. So many different people around him for such an extended period of time, expectations of certain behaviour, having to socialise, having to pay attention, having to answer questions, the constant hum of fluorescent lights overhead. He came home exhausted and in need of a nap more often than not. There were also the panics. Sometimes they were big, sometimes they were small, but they usually left him feeling wrung out and he didn't really function well until he'd had a nap after one. Becoming a professional hockey player hasn't changed this, if anything it's made it a useful skill. A little post-practice nap is sometimes just the thing he needs and a pre-game nap can make all the difference to his play. With the constant travelling and endless timezone changes, napping becomes a necessity.

Ilya, however, never quite got the hang of it. He knows a lot of his teammates nap whenever and wherever, falling asleep before games in hotel rooms or resting up on the road, snores filling the team bus or plane, but Ilya can't quite get there. It's probably a remnant from childhood, from not feeling safe enough to let his guard down like that. He can't even imagine what the reaction would have been if his father had come home to find him asleep on the couch. He was certainly quick enough to accuse him of laziness without Ilya handing over additional ammunition for free.

But Ilya loves holding Shane when he naps. He loves how quickly his body grows lax, loves the gradual shift in the depth of his breaths, loves the warmth of his body pressed against him, loves his sleepy little sounds and scrunched little face when he wakes up, loves that Shane trusts him enough to be that vulnerable around him. Shane doesn't really know that Ilya doesn't nap, not with how often Ilya's the one to suggest one, not with the way Ilya makes sure to feign coming out of sleep as soon as he feels Shane shift in his arms in that particular way that suggests he's waking up. He doesn't want to risk Shane feeling like Ilya's doing him a favour with holding him through his naps, doesn't know whether he can admit how much he loves their naps even though they never include Ilya falling asleep. He likes the way things are. He doesn't want to risk it changing.

Eventually it does change though. Not because Shane discovers Ilya's secret of never actually falling asleep but because, a few years into their marriage, Ilya start... actually falling asleep. He never plans to. He loves getting to spend that time resting with Shane while staying alert enough to catalogue his every sleep-muddled sigh, his every shift. He just feels so warm, so full of love, so incredibly safe that one day he just... drifts off. After that it keeps happening. He has Shane in his arms, he's enjoying his breathing, he's loving this moment, he doesn't want to lose consciousness, he wants to stay in it, but his eyelids are drooping. He lets them shut, just for a minute, but then he wakes up to Shane's smiling face, his eyes soft and sleep-warm, his hands gentle as they cradle Ilya's face and run through his curls, and he can't be mad at himself for having missed out on those precious moments if this is what he gets to wake up to. Time is no longer a limited resource. Safety is no longer conditional on remaining alert. He has the rest of his life to enjoy this, to let himself be lulled to sleep by Shane's breathing and waking up to his soft touches. He can let his eyes drift shut and trust that Shane will still be there when he wakes.