moldy storage unit

23 | they/he/she | slutty waitress | annoying bisexual

[gaynehollander]

Shane Hollander, literal stars in his eyes, staring up at Ilya as though he hung the moon and stars, barely able to breathe around his desire for him, such a soft smile on his face: “you’re an asshole”

[drawballa]

Sleepy boys 💤

[firstprinced]

#he wants to bite shane SO BAD

[vityamins]

The face of a man who thinks he's about to hear his boyfriend explain the word fuckbuddy to his mom

[endlessly-ranting-antheia]

Ilya: I could marry Svetlana to get American citizenship

Shane: and I could commit a murder suicide right now. See how we’re both saying shit

[meetmeintheflowers]

what a lot of people on here don’t seem to understand is that shane is going to outfreak ilya every single time. I’m rewatching ep 1 and five (5) seconds into his very first gay experience ever shane hollander is on his knees hob slobbering. ilya puts his thumb near (near) shane’s mouth and shane is swallowing that thing. like yes ilya has more experience but shane has the vision

[nicosbrain]

the fun part about being a fem presenting server is that half of the time my job is flirting with the wives of straight dudes on the clock, and everyone involved is stoked about it. i texted my regular “come in for dinner so i can flirt with your awesome wife” and he was like “sadly we’re at a stupid work dinner, maybe we can plan for it next weekend” like yes this is beautiful, i have somehow built a life where i get to schedule time to flirt with cute girls and their husbands pay me for it

[nicosbrain]

hmm is it a “flirt with my coworkers for 9 hours” kind of day or “threaten to beat my coworkers with hammers every 5 minutes” kind of day

[pjackk]

IDrank abunch now im ready to party! Anyone gay

[snap-crackle-cunt]

yuna: how long have you two been dating?

ilya: uh. like. one spoonful of pasta ago. you were there. we have been fucking for like a decade tho

[dailycatsblog]

[hitchell-mope]

I like it when the frog is multifaceted.

[9fruit]

we need to bring back the simple art of just “come to my house and we hang out without an activity or pretense or meal” my friend hung out on my couch for seven hours today we just gabbed… no specific plans no activities involved. likeee let’s just hang out on my couch forever and ever amen

[the-muppet-joker]

Me, trying to be relatable: remember when you'd be at church as a kid during holy week and you'd be observing the stations of the cross and you'd feel a terrible jealousy when Jesus was getting crucified. Like what if there was a church so moved by my sacrifice that they gathered every year to somberly recreate what I went through. What if they sang hymns about how I was so afraid I began to sweat blood. What if they all cradled my body after and wept because they all loved me and could not stand to see my suffering

The other people at my high school reunion: ...what?

Me, holding back tears: I meant ha ha remmebr dodgebal

[ilya-sweetheart]

someone overhears ilya threatening shane with releasing an incriminating photo and the whole league and twitter goes wild because this is blackmail !!

so shane has to post the photo himself to prove that no, boston captain ilya rozanov does not have any evidence or incriminating documents on shane hollander

instead it’s a picture of canadas golden boy hungover eating mcdonald’s for breakfast flipping off the camera wearing a raiders hoodie

[nicosbrain]

Me when my manager asks me to work a double:

mm delicious money. Dollars and coins. Cents, perhaps even bucks. Scrumptious. I will do it. Your wish is my command.

Me, working a double:

When they invent time travel I will go back in time just to shoot myself before I agreed to work this shift. WHEN I kill myself, I will address the note to this very establishment in the mail. My blood is on your hands, bitch boy. I will tell my mom it was your fault.

[orgasming-caterpillar]

Bistro huddy textposts pt 6/?