Game Changer - "Rulette 2"
we're not kids anymore.
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
cherry valley forever
dirt enthusiast
AnasAbdin

Origami Around

#extradirty
🪼
noise dept.
KIROKAZE
tumblr dot com
Cosmic Funnies

oozey mess
DEAR READER

if i look back, i am lost
Keni

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
trying on a metaphor
No title available
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@nijoll
Game Changer - "Rulette 2"
based on this tweet <33
Vetinari was trying not to giggle and twirl his hair when Carrot suggested making Sam the commander of the watch
#legend says he failed#< prev I just know he was writing about it in his diary that night with a glitter gel pen kicking his feet#<prev and then sent a letter to Margolotta about it that night You guys for the 379th time: RELEVANT ADDITIONS GO IN THE MAIN POST!
Dying
cat’s eye emerald
advil (ibuprofen) 200mg liquid capsule
Chat, is it considered “abusive roommate behavior” to release a raccoon into the living space after you have asked your roommate for months to please clean up their messes (they do not pay any of the mortgage)
For context, when I used to live alone I would do something called “Princess Time” where I would do an initial sweep (to remove any significant hazards) and then I would release a raccoon into the living area and clean. This helped because I would 1) feel like a princess and 2) the raccoon would bring attention to things my ADHD brain had decided to ignore and I’d quickly clean that stuff up.
So like, if I’m expected to clean the house now, I will be doing it in the way that is most effective for me. And anything that has not been cleaned up after months of having sit-down talks and sending reminders and being promised things will change, might be deemed “trash” by the trash panda and thrown away.
We haven’t done since we moved into the house, because I didn’t want to cause my roommate or their cats destress or have their things destroyed by a raccoon
I am a raccoon biologist and one of the few people in the state allowed to take in captive bred raccoons that had been possessed illegally. The raccoon in the photos is Moonshine, but she is currently at the animal sanctuary where I work as I had been quarantining multiple new intakes from an abuse case. I still have two males (Rum Tum Tugger and Electra) left in my home enclosure as we are getting them neutered and then hopefully sending them to an AZA accredited zoo.
I wanna make things very clear that underneath all the whimsy, I am a trained professional.
Those vibes are likely because I’m the original creator of Dashcon and my personality has not changed since 2012 lmao
Happy pride month to him
During lockdown I worked on two projects: one was a ditch that needed to be cleared out of tules and cattails but turtles lived there. So I’d follow the excavator scooping out the vegetation and make sure no turtles were trapped in it, and if they were, freeing them and putting them in a safe part of the ditch. It’s extremely muddy, sticky work. Hold on, I have a photo of one of the guys:
No one is having a good time.
The OTHER project was going to destroy rare salamander habitat and so we had to buy some appropriate habitat. But every mitigation bank was sold out. I found a guy selling future mitigation bank credits through the powers of making a lot of phone calls and then, through the power of polite requests, got our Wildlife Agency rep to sign off on this plan. Except. You can’t say “I gave seven figures to a guy who promises to someday make habitat”, that guy could abscond. You also can’t be like “I supes promise to pay for mitigation AFTER the project.” because WE could not pay out. We were, for various reasons, disinclined to delay the project. The Wildlife Agency rep — bless her, she really held my hand through this whole process — was like “how about you put the money in escrow?” Great. A plan.
So I call an escrow company — which was not an organization used to being cold-called, much less by someone standing next to an excavator, covered in mud. I was trying to provide only the information needed to enable success and NOT go on a five-ten minute rant on salamander life cycles. Also I was DEEPLY out of my depth.
“Hi! I was wondering if you could hold money in an escrow account for a longer period?”
“… Well, in some circumstances we can hold it for up to 90 days — but we’d need to know the circumstances.”
“Ah! I need someone to hold it for up to two years? Do you know of any companies who’d be able to help me?”
“What. What is happening with the house that this is necessary?”
“Oh uh. It’s not a house, per se, it’s a rare salamander mitigation bank. It needs to be built.”
“The salamanders need a custom house?”
“No no no no no uh. They need a pond. We’re paying someone to make a pond. But! They need time to make the pond. Hence the escrow account. So. Who could?”
“So like a lizard house?”
“They are amphibians?”
“Let me. Transfer you to my supervisor.”
<after a pause a different person comes on the line but also unfortunately at this moment the excavator operator fishes a turtle out of the ditch.>
“Hi! Sorry one second I need to put down the phone to help a turtle.” <interlude> “Thank you so much for waiting! I’m back! Can you talk to me about escrow options?”
“What was happening with the turtle?”
“Oh it was trapped in some cattails but I got it out. Sorry for putting down the phone — you need both hands to grab them because they bite! I need an escrow account to hold funds for up to two years?”
“For a house for lizards? Are you a zoo?”
“Ah! Salamanders, actually! And a mitigation bank, not a house. I actually work for X organization.”
“What is a mitigation bank?” (The critical question!)
“Oh when you’re building something and need to impact some rare species habitat you can pay someone to make new rare species habitat.”
“Huh.”
“But this habitat is incomplete! It doesn’t have a pond. So my organization won’t pay until AAAAAAAAA excuse me sorry I fell into a ditch. My organization needs there to be a pond there before they pay for the property. So one path forward is an escrow account.”
“Are you OK?”
“Yes absolutely!”
“What’s the cost of this bank?”
“Two million dollars.”
<the tenor of the conversation became markedly warmer at this point.>
“OK if you get my your contact information then I’ll email you some options and then we can discuss — do you have time now?”
“Unfortunately I do not have email access right this second. Also I need to get out of the ditch. Could we put a pin in this conversation and circle back tomorrow?”
“Of course, I look forward to working with your organization?”
“Thank you so much!”
“Good luck with the. Ditch. And turtles?”
“Thank you! Have a great day!”
NOOOOOO I CANT FIND THE IMAGE OF THE CAT LYING ON A POOL FLOAT THAT SAYS "daddys wasted dont ask me for shit" PLEASE someone help
I knew something the divine waited for me when I saved this image
I knew something the
divine waited for me when
I saved this image
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
My problem is that I have a deep admiration and respect for ingenuity, dedication, and commitment to the bit.
Which is ultimately benign, until I am placed in the role of a caregiver or general authority over a person or animal
Because I can't just catch someone in the midst of pulling off a ridiculous, clever, determined and absurd little scheme and just act like I'm not impressed
It wouldn't be honest or fair
And so, it appears that if anything with free will is placed in my care long enough, they invariably learn that if they can get me to laugh without hurting anybody or risking their health then they can pretty much get away with almost anything
Which has resulted in some very funny events
He tore open a bag of cheetos and hid them somewhere in the apartment so even after I cleaned up the mess and put the bag in the fridge every couple hours I hear a crunching sound and follow it to find him hunched defensively in a corner eating a cheeto
“Night Watch”, sir Terry Pratchett (1/?)
Something was happening to the air. It tasted of burned metal and flints. A weathercock on top of the dome began to spin round and round. <…> Vimes could feel his hair trying to stand on end. Little blue caterpillars of light were crackling over the ironwork of the dome, and even over his armour. <…>
The lightning struck.
(by mari.o)
My wife’s idea of decompressing after the busy holiday was to rearrange every piece of furniture in our home is this an ADHD thing or just a her thing
I’m not complaining the way she’s done it is much better than it was it’s just like how is this your idea of a relaxing weekend
Listen I don't get to decide when the drunk elf that is my executive actually does the functioning but when he does we have a SMALL WINDOW OF TIME before he finds the schnapps again and we're done
yes this exactly
So to me, there are spoons (general energy cost) and carnival tickets (specific energy cost).
Spoons can be used pretty much anywhere.
Carnival tickets are only good for the carnival, and it’s only in town for a limited amount of time.
So like, if I get “kitchen cleaning” carnival tickets, I can’t use that to clean my bedroom, that’s not where the carnival is.
phrase added to permanent vocabulary
TASKMASTER: Series 20 Episode 8, "Am I an Idiom?"
TASKMASTER: Series
20 Episode 8, “Am
I an Idiom?”
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
"bangaranga" I whisper while shaking from fear
when brandon sanderson talks about villains in his famous free youtube writing class video lectures he'll say 'what's the difference between gollum and sauron' and of course he means the villain that's present in the narrative and characterized in a way the audience can potentially relate to or sympathize with vs. the looming threatening anonymous far-off force (among other things). but every time he asks that i think 'well one of those guys tracked down frodo and got his ring back'
Brandon Sanderson: What's the difference between Gollum and Sauron?
OP: Skill issue.
Brandon Sanderson:
What’s the difference between
Gollum and Sauron?
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.