Got Away Safely!

Allison, She/Her, 25, Cute Shit and Trans Ranting (Lots of It) Used to be Raltzwaltz

[mr-deep-downer]

does weighted clothing work or is Rock Lee a liar

[cutsofguiltcutsdeeper]

everything that happened in naruto is real

[nitori-sedai]

Oh yeah this blog exists Debating using this again to talk about how dysphoric I've been feeling lol

[nitori-sedai]

It's weird how just a prick once a week, a shot of .5 mL of depoestradiol, make all the difference. It doesn't seem like much. Seems like it should be more.

[nitori-sedai]

I need surgery. God I need bottom surgery before I lose my mind...

[nitori-sedai]

Honestly feels so fucked up the more I think about the context of my childhood. Like geez I was really a girl that whole time and being constantly bombarded with confusing demands upon my identity and ended up struggling and traumatized as I tried to understand what the world wanted from me and failed

Like the pain I was in then has finally been contextualized and now I only feel sadder for the kid I was.

[nitori-sedai]

I'm so terrible at being an adult let alone trying to learn how to be a girl and if I can't even take care of myself let alone learn the socialization does that mean I should detransirion or just keep sucking at everything I do cause everything looks bleak rn and I'm just not sure if anyone around me rn is able or willing to help.

[nitori-sedai]

I feel so dysphoric and invalid right now T~T

[nitori-sedai]

I can't help but be jealous being alone making 0 progress in my transition seeing other trans women hit fundraising goals thanks to the help of their many friends and/or online community and get so much emotional support as they get their surgeries and so on like I'm lonely and I can't even buy a dress let alone a wardrobe LET ALONE SURGERY can I please just get something to tell me its ok? Fucking Hell

[nitori-sedai]

I'm tired of tucking!! I'm tired of seeing trans women get huge donations to their surgeries or having their surgeries! I'm so happy for them but I'm so jealous and I JUST WANT TO MOVE ON WIYH MY LIFE.

I feel like I've been in transition limbo, stuck in the hair removal part, and I'm never getting out, I'll never just be able to settle down in it cause every 5 seconds I'm reminded I'm trans and transitioning and other and I'm so fucking TIRED

[nitori-sedai]

wondering how much my social ineptitude is due to the social reclusion due to dysphoria and how much is due to my anxiety or if they're the same idfk but it's destroying me

[nitori-sedai]

it's just really cool that I'm a girl

[nitori-sedai]

Its hard not to feel "lesser than" cis girle but I'm trying

[nitori-sedai]

idk if I want ffs. Something about it makes me feel uncomfy >~<

[nitori-sedai]

I actually do feel cute today lol

[nitori-sedai]

I may not have fully internalized that I'm a girl but I do instinctually refer to myself as a girl now and know i am one so that counts

[nitori-sedai]

God if Biden eliminates my studeny debt I could actually consider surgery. I might be able to afford it...

[nitori-sedai]

Ok maybe I'm too hard on myself and my appearance cause my sister just sent me a pic of herself and I saw that she also has the traits I'm getting dysphoric by like my big chin esp when smiling or the brow ridge that's slightly there...

Maybe I'm fine and cis girls also can look like me idk...