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moved to @nnoiise

[nnoiise-moved]

Rindo Kanade, 22. Pronouns he/hem/her/hi/him/hir/hy/hym/hyr. Endelic fableing, fictive host. Holothere. Form list link. Transmasc genderfaunet girlboy. Abrosexual polyamorous, and taken x6. Permanently 16 in system. Pop culture pagan, sometimes I veil. Social anarchist. Spoonie, but I prefer to call them spell slots. Cripplepunk, mad pride. Part of both a spiritual median subsystem and a larger polyfrag DID system, so posts may be infrequent or sporadic.

[canines-crown]

On my way to a renfair rn and for my outfit I decided to wear a fox pelt over my shoulders

My friend is lending me a really cool coat, but before I get to her I'll have to walk around short sleeved, and it's really cold out today...

But the pelt is so warm, I'm almost sweating. It also smells and feels so natural, it's really euphoric....

I literally have a pelt to keep me warm!! It's unbelievable how well it preserves my body heat, it's like magic... Unbelievable that other species get to just... Have this.

I'm so grateful that I get to wear the pelt today, it's a huge honor, carrying the remains of this beautiful animal

[nnoiise-moved]

Rindo’s polyform list!

I am a pshifter, and a holothere. These are not kintypes.

Therioforms:

American crow, maned wolf, cross fox

Neo/TWEWY:

Reaper, Fallen Angel, Decadraven, Phoenix Cantus, Progfox, Cornix Canor

Kingdom Hearts:

Heartless, Darkness, Nobody, Nothingness, Nightmare Dream Eater, Special Necho Cat

[nnoiise-moved]

Update: Fractured my fucking foot lmao. Fuck my life. But, more on topic, I did work it out with my friend. She said she was being a total asshole on accident, and she has corrected her mistakes on my species. She felt really bad. She’s a human, not a were at all, so I understand why she automatically pointed and went “human looking, must be a human.” Her partner in our system is a human, so she just got used to seeing our false body and associating it with humanity. Shrug. No point in holding a grudge if she’s being species affirming, whether she actually believes that I’m a shifter or not.

[ukiki]

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess ✦ (2006)

[nnoiise-moved]

“Yeah, I felt really upset, you know? Because when I put candy in my pocket it melted, and that’s, like… eugh, what? Like a warm human? I’m dead, you know? Weird.“

“Oh, that makes sense. I mean, yeah, of course your body is human. I mean, maybe not when you’re fronting, but different headmates, you know… it’s still human, haha.”

“I mean, I guess it’s human sometimes, when I’m not shapeshifting, at least.”

“Mmm… [long pause] Yeah, the body is a human, so… Makes sense.”

This is two interactions between me and my human singlet best friend. I feel sick, like I’m going to pass out. I can’t stop shaking. She lied to me, that she knew I was nonhuman. I thought she understood, she said she understood, I explained it to her in plain terms, we are biologically nonhuman, she said that she understood. She thinks I’m making a metaphor. She thinks I’m talking about spiritual beliefs. I TOLD her “when a nonhuman is fronting, we are biologically their species. It’s sometimes human shaped on the outside, but it’s not actually human. Even alterhumans are sometimes like ‘your body is human though,’ NO IT’S NOT, it literally is not, I don’t know why you can’t see the nonhuman features.” That is the exact text message, and she had a huge pause for like an hour, and then responded with “Yeah, I understand, I kinda figured it worked like that.” I’m so heartbroken and hurt and I’m physically ill, I feel like I’m withdrawaling off medication or something. My paws are tingling. I couldn’t figure out why this wave of sickness washed over me in the moment, because I just stopped processing the conversation, but I was walking home, and I just… she doesn’t believe me. She thinks I’m making it up. I really, really thought she was one of the good ones. I’ve been really struggling with my fear and rage towards the human race, and people, and I don’t know if I can mentally gymnastics my way out of hating her. I’m going to try and talk to her about it, maybe I’ll have Axel do it, so I don’t get too upset. I really thought she was a kind, understanding human. I thought she saw me, really saw me, even if she couldn’t see my transformations with her eyes. I’m fucking devastated. I might cancel my date with my nekofriend today, I don’t know if I can do this. I’m so emotionally crushed.

[creatureofalltime-what]

uhhh i need to birthe more fairies here's a semi accurate depiction of my fear of mirrors

[terrasaved-deactivated20230927]

[nnoiise-moved]

New cane! From Goodwill! It’s got a handsome green pattern on it, and it’s super adjustable so I can wear whatever shoes I want, or walk digitigrade. We got a bunch of them yesterday, I’m so glad I remembered and bought one. It’s not brand new, because there’s cigarette residue all over it, but the rubber tip is barely used, and there’s not much shock at all when I walk with it. I’m very happy about this.

[coyote-te3th]

I feel like an unsocialized animal in public

[gerardpilled]

No literally why did he say this

[bovineblogger]

[theyamjam]

[trueka]

adding highlights to my drawings while not knowing or ignoring where the light source is

[nnoiise-moved]

Currently actively losing my fucking mind. I am going clinical. Losing my goddamn marbles. I can never remember anything. My experiences and memories are this fucking hellish carnival corn maze. The calm has passed and now I’m switching and flipping and fading. I don’t know who I am, I don’t know what I want to be, I don’t know why I did things. OSDD1a is ruining my fucking undeath. I don’t even know what “who Rindo is” means. I’m not anything, I’m just fucking flailing and warping and nothing is ever concrete or stable. This keeps happening, over and over and over and over. I have a comfortable few facets. I round myself out. Everything fades, and I can’t control my perception of myself, and I can’t hold on to any of my facets. And then I’m no one in particular, this depersonalized blob, and then I fade into a facet or two, and then I have a strong personality again for a few weeks. And then it fucking keeps looping, over and over, and I’m bashing my fucking head against the floor, who am I, what am I, what are my goals, how do I present myself. And I never remember anything in between my facets, it’s just this blank space with a few hazy shapes, so there’s not even anything for me to hold onto even if I could control my perception of myself. I’m not one being, I’m not multiple beings, I’m not a hivemind, I’m not even a being at all most of the fucking time. I don’t know how to make it stop. Just let me be someone, let me be still. I just want it to stop.

[zoanthroclawz-deactivated202601]

i just wanted to come on here and say that, when i say that i want my whole body to be physically a nonhuman animal, i mean it. I mean that i want my whole body to be that of a nonhuman animal.

[mercurial-tboy]

Am I old or is the userbase really young now?

You're telling me you don't remember mid 2010s bi/pan/acecourse? The hell that was all of that? (I had the misfortune of identifying as bi, pan and ace at various points in that period)

You don't remember late 2010s transmedicalism ? Being called a trender even if you were binary trans because you don't believe you need dysphoria or need to be binary to be trans? The pushback against that transmedicalism (which was affectionately called trendercore)?

The late 2010s and early 2020s rise of the self-described baeddel movement? The noticeable shift from generic mainstream feminism in queer spaces to specifically radical feminist talking points?

You're telling me some people here don't know? And if they were too young at the time, they haven't been told yet by someone else what went down and what came of it?

Like, this was only 10 years ago at most and barely 6-7 years ago at least.

Maybe I'm just old (mid 20s) but when you've lived through all the other waves of queerphobia and see the pattern, transandrophobia on this site just reuses all the same talking points.

[sunnyside-shifter]

How the fuck does one tell if a shift is yours or a (potential) alters???

[nnoiise-moved]

We have very stereotypical DID so this might be too much headmate separation compared to your situation, but this is what my OSDD1a subsystem experiences along with the DID stuff.

“Why did I do that?” “Why did I say that?”

Conflicting inner monologue. “I love this sweatshirt. That sweatshirt is so ugly, what are you/am I talking about.”

Being able to have a full on conversation with yourself.

Suddenly liking or disliking a special food or drink. “Why do I hate this, I love mint chocolate.” “I really want cream soda, so bad… I hate cream soda? Wtf”

Sudden changes in vocal range or tone in a way that is unlike you. This is generally uncontrollable and sudden, then reverts back to your own voice. If it’s a full front of the alter, you are incredibly and or completely disconnected from what you’re saying.

Strong urge to change clothes or severe discomfort about your style of dress. Liking clothes you normally would never wear.

“This item isn’t mine.” or “This belongs to someone else.” without prompting or context.

Phantom limbs that are uncomfortable or very “not yours.” Phantom limbs that give you dysphoria.

Body dysmorphia or not recognizing your reflection fully.

Making an expression that you are unaware of, or you/others noticing your body language does not match what you’re saying. Alternatively, movements that feel like they are being made by someone else, or movements you would never do.

Amnesia during shifts. This is generally not a full black out. It is more like a disconnection from all your memories of an event, as if they’re done by someone else. Or, an emotional disconnect, like feeling completely different about something as you did before. This could also be a grey out, which is when you only remember concepts and nothing specific.

False memories that contradict each other. “I need to blow out that candle before I leave… But I never lit a candle?” This is more of a headspace leaking into IRL thing, but it can apply to shifts too.

Flashes of someone else when you look in the mirror or a camera. Different eye color and shape, different nose and mouth, different hair color, etc.