this would have got 100k notes as a tumblr post in 2018
NASA
Today's Document
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
Cosmic Funnies
we're not kids anymore.

pixel skylines
Not today Justin
Claire Keane
KIROKAZE
trying on a metaphor

blake kathryn

Andulka
icyghini twinkie
No title available

Product Placement
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
tumblr dot com
Mike Driver
Stranger Things

seen from Malaysia
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seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Iraq
seen from Zambia
seen from Argentina
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United Kingdom

seen from Bangladesh
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seen from United States

seen from Colombia
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seen from Singapore

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@no-shaboggle
this would have got 100k notes as a tumblr post in 2018
the problem is i really do love staying up until one billion o'clock. it just cant be helped
YA books: There are 2 boys, the protagonist girl HAS to date one, but how can she choose? They are so incredibly different in every way!
The boys:
He literally has a twin brother but the implication here is much funnier
woke up this morning, rolled over, and very confidently tried to blow out my alarm clock like a candle. absolutely no precedent for that.
In the year 1450 a priest rolls over and slams his hand into his candle, burning him and sending wax flying all over the place
me tongue-deep in a sandalwood candle: 🤤
the tjmaxx employee loading a fourth tranquilizer dart into their blowgun: i need backup
Two World Cup finalists from opposing teams in this fucking picture, this sport isn't real
Context for anyone who is wondering: Lamine Yamal's parents won an UNICEF raffle for a charity photoshoot in which Barça players posed with kids, and 5 month old Lamine happened to get 20yo Messi. Which is like. Literally insane
Sly Crayfish (Procambarus versutus), family Cambaridae, Okaloosa County, Florida, USA
photographs by Seth Patterson
And now I’m left muttering: “Why is it sly? Who did it fool? Whose wallet did it make off with? Who did it sneak up on and pinch in the middle of the night…?”
[recommending something i sincerely love] ok so the thing about it is it kinda sucks
barnyard the original party animals is the uncontested lord of bad implications in childrens movies
ok so like “the secret life of x” movies tend to not strongly explore the actual reasons why, exactly, their life has to be secret… they don’t really focus on it within the narrative. They do usually have some small justification for why animals or video games or toys or whatever have never just revealed themselves:
There’s no stated reason. They just pretend to not be alive. We usually can suspend our suspension of disbelief here because when it’s something like a video game or an emoji because any odd occurrences is perceived as a glitch or something similar but the actual reason why they aren’t too hung up on this kinda shitty lot in life isn’t said
They get something out of their current relationship with humans (like in toy story)
They have some specific reason to hide that they’re alive, like they die if they’re seen (like in the christmas toy)
They perceive themselves as sentient, talking creatures, but humans can’t understand them. They just see a squeaking mouse or an inanimate hot dog or whatever.
and the last one is what most animal movies do, and it’s like, not devoid of weird implications but you can see where it mostly works.
but barnyard is the outlier here: it goes with tier one: the animals can talk and walk on two legs but just pretend that they can’t for unstated reasons.
in the history of the barnyard world non human animals, at some point, decided to just pretend to be unable to speak. a “cow” or a “coyote” or a “hen” do not exist as we know it in the barnyard universe. the baa of the sheep is false; the ewe doesn’t understand it either. they only made up that noise to hide the fact that they speak human languages. a dog barking and running on all fours is a facade. animals naturally walk on their hind legs and made up whole postures just to appear non sentient.
and for what? what do they gain from this? they have no rights and no voice by their own choice. at one point a donkey claims the farmer is a good person because he’s vegan and a pig mentions bacon - this is not a fantasy universe devoid of death and misery and meat. do animals, in hushed whispers, remind their children not to sob in their real voice as they’re taken away? do the dogs not beg for kindness when they’re tied up and hit? do cows and chickens not cry for their life in the slaughterhouses? does a rat not scream a human scream when the trap misses their neck and only breaks their spine? Why? what is the point? They loose so much and have everything to gain.
anyways does everyone remember this really awful cat. it only appears in one scene but i can just sense the porn of it that would pop up if i googled it’s name
This post is like being tied to a chair as a a joker-style villain monologues and presses a gun closer and closer to my head as he reaches the climax of his rehearsed piece on the flaws of society and when he finally pulls the trigger it’s a little flag that says “bang!”
it pains me to say it but the more people talk shit about the women who wear those shorts/leggings with the weird butt seam that looks like it gives you a terminal wedgie, the more compelled I feel to take the women’s side
ohhhhhh my godddddddd you saw someone wearing really tight revealing pants in public? should we throw a party? should we invite goody proctor
and while we’re at it, I’m done worrying about cameltoe. I don’t have time to be pulling and tugging at my clothes all day. if you can see the outline of my pussy you should say thank you and go about your business
SAME WITH NIPPLES!!!!
look around sometime and notice how many cis dudes' nipples you can see through their shirts. if they're walking around like that all the time, so can i
I mean, in some very interesting Technically Correct ways, they didn't actually die? Now, they're very much no longer alive. But the forces involved are such that they didn't get any of the usual cellular processes of death, they simply went from biology to physics in less time than it takes a signal to travel down your optic nerve.
if you go from biology to physics without dying first you don’t go to heaven the uber driver went over this already
Yesterday my little brother told me something very sweet and touching, that when he was a kid and had nightmares about monsters chasing him or whatever he would be able to end the nightmare by finding me in the dream and I would protect him by fighting off the zombies, or carrying him away. This is adorable, and makes me feel like the greatest older sibling in the world, but the hilarious thing is that when I was a kid I had nightmares of needing to save him from zombies and such. so many dreams where he was in trouble and I needed to save him. Like my nightmares began where his ended. Low key I think he mastered the ability to psychically transfer his nightmare to me as a child and I'm kind of annoyed with him.
Everyones sooo weird about bisexual people like just because they keep trying and failing to steal pikachu doesnt mean you have to be weird about it
on this day in 1953 shirley jackson sent this to an unhappy reader
it’s funny cuz it’s true