BLAM!

Relationship status: Crushed and alone (and ugly crying!)

[manny-jacinto]

ZOMBIELAND: DOUBLE TAP (2019)

[roycohns]

starting a collection. pierre talking to natasha in war and peace

[roycohns]

additions

[maidenztearz]

[enraged-chihuahua]

fuck this *unfocuses my eyes*

[bob-belcher]

[loserwithastylus-moved-deactiva]

Why do people like honey so much. It literally burns ur tingue

[flinchyfinch]

How lol no it doesn't, not for me.

[loserwithastylus-moved-deactiva]

Wait this doesn't happen for other people??

[peanut-butter-and-theatre]

Think you might be allergic to honey lmao

[loserwithastylus-moved-deactiva]

THAT CAN HAPPEN???????

[peanut-butter-and-theatre]

[loserwithastylus-moved-deactiva]

Who wants to make my top post the one where i question my immune system

[mountain-dew-tickledpink]

Remember me when you’re famous lol

[lastoneout]

My favorite genre of tumblr post is "op finds out they are allergic to something when they post that said thing makes their tounge, mouth, or skin burn/itch/swell up and everyone is like um yeah thats not supposed to happen" (as well as the notable subgenre "one or more people discover they are colorblind")

Anyway keep it up this is literally never not funny.

[the-fox-fae-deactivated20220908]

This genre of post literally taught me that not all food allergies are anaphylactic. Helped me ID that my kid's food allergies. Fuck yeah go tumblr

[rosslynpaladin]

For further reader info: A child is likely to describe a food allergy as too spicy, makes their mouth tingly, makes their throat feel funny/ itchy/fuzzy/frog in their throat if they know that expression, etc

[the-fox-fae-deactivated20220908]

^^^^

Mine described his mouth as feeling tingly/asleep "like when my foot falls asleep" after we tried zucchini noodles for the first time.

[misgenderisms-deactivated202010]

youre nb but you call yourself a bitch (bitch is a FEMALE dog btw) why???

i am on the FLOOR

[gendergenius]

bitch and bastard are GENDERED terms and thus you must use the neutral: bitchard

[zinnia-apologist-deactivated202]

[misgenderisms-deactivated202010]

happy pride month to the stupidest post on this site.

[halles-comet]

why is this so fucking funny

[aspiringwarriorlibrarian]

Password sharing is not piracy any more than loaning your friend a DVD or watching a movie with your family is piracy. The service is already paid for. Execs just consider sharing to be eeeevil because they can’t exploit every individual person. 

[funhomo]

if they tried to invent libraries today it would get shut down

[vicholas]

[bi-dazai]

pls follow mondo mascots lol

[ottermatopoeia]

alexa show me the dark japanese city mascot lore

[30-minute-memes]

Went from 0 to 100

[copperbadge]

Despite being in my late teens or possibly early twenties when we met, and despite being a grandchild by marriage only and living several states away, I was instantly rocketed to the position of favored grandchild by Mama Tickey, Last of the Southern Belles, when I became the first grandchild in a decade to send her a thank-you note for a Christmas gift. The power of the thank-you note cannot be understated. 

[mooncustafer]

The “don’t start with the thankyou because there’s nowhere to go from there” part is also really good advice.

[copperbadge]

I will say while generally I agree with that, an alternate route to take is to start with a thank you and then go into how the gift has improved your life – you have to have really loved the gift to take this route, but “Thank you for the lovely Arbor Day sweater; it fits perfectly and has already helped me conceal my cocaine selling from the police several times” is a legitimate strategy. I know when I give a gift card I always like to hear what the person bought with it (in part so that I can take notes for future giving). 

[cock]

tumblr is basically a gay bar in a mental institute

[luftwaffel-deactivated20131125]

who did you have to kill to get that URL

[literaphobe]

“oh my god, it’s finally over!” i say, about a zoom class that i wasn’t paying attention to at all

[literaphobe]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[soidreamtiwasastarfleetcommander]

I read the thread and what isn’t clear from one tweet that this 9yr old was reffing an adult women’s league, not a children’s league. And that woman who argued with said child ref was a player not a mom.

[rehfan]

Even better.

[boychic-deactivated20230922]

[funnytwittertweets]

[millennial-review-deactivated20]

[babyfoxcollectionthings]

[rain-wolf-deactivated20210611]

There’s something beautiful about the molten glow of lava. It’s a great color and moves in such a way that is satisfying, but its also terrifying knowing that i could touch it and die very quickly

[eosofspades]

forbidden hot sauce

[arcaneglitch]

[xxtc-96xx]

I want to put my hands in it