Decaying alive
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@no240s
Decaying alive
Don’t reblog things tagged with diary
People only have so much patience for those of us with chronic illnesses, chronic pain, and or mental health difficulties.
At the beginning there is so much support (or at least more support) but when they realise you're not recovering as quickly as they'd like... you get avoided, isolated, told you're exaggerating, etc. They seldom think about how those of us with chronic issues feel. How overwhelming it is to deal with everything day in and day out. There is so much anxiety, depression, grief, etc when dealing with chronic issues regardless of what they are.
If you're even more isolated because people refuse to see how much you're struggling or you're not recovering "fast enough" for the people around you just know you're not alone! There are so many of us in the same boat too
Dissociation is like a free drug trip you didn’t ask for and you come out of it like what the fuck did I do that whole time and there’s a 4 half-done art pieces in front of you and two of your friends are mad at you
“You shouldn’t use your DID as an excuse to forget important things!”
Love, darling, dear, honey, I have news for you
Something really not talked about with trauma disorders is the paranoia.
Being scared and jumping to conclusions when people stand a little too close to you, not believing people’s compliments and thinking they have hidden motives, not believing when people tell you they like/love you, thinking that strangers you see on the street want to hurt you, etc.
DID symptoms that people don't talk enough about
The cycle of forgetting and then re-remembering trauma memories
Constant depersonalization and derealization
Feeling as if you're stuck living someone else's life
Failure to plan for the future because nothing feels real + losing time
Thinking a flashback is over when you've actually just dissociated away from it, and having it resume as soon as you stop dissociating
Dissociative stupor/trance
Alexithymia
Identity issues outside of alters
Inability to connect with other people
Being unable to tell if you've healed from a past problem/trauma or if you've just dissociated away from it
Not learning from past mistakes because of amnesia and dissociation
Feeling nothing psychologically despite physical shaking, racing heart, nausea, crying, etc
The extreme disorientation + identity confusion that comes with co-consciousness and co-fronting
Somatic flashbacks
Being triggered by your own DID symptoms because you know the only reason you're experiencing any of this is because of what they did to you
Common things in DID that no one likes to talk about
- switches that feel like you’re turning into someone else rather than them taking control (non-possessive switching)
- being unable to recognize amnesia until something requires you to remember something you forgot
- staying in the front for weeks at a time
- being unable to communicate with alters internally (this is so common why does everyone act like this is weird?)
- feeling like you don’t have any problems because you feel disconnected from them
- constant denial
- rapid identity, label, and appearance changes
- comorbidities, particularly personality disorders, anxiety disorders, and the schizophrenia spectrum
- autism (there is science pointing towards autistic people being more susceptible to trauma)
- disliking your system
- wanting final fusion
sys culture is hating your mother because of what she did to you but also missing your mama so bad you cant help but cry like a little kid
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Thank you for your partecipation.