GTD & PMP

2 acronyms a girl should never need to learn

[sheehassleftt]

[noiretblanc15]

Positive is only getting harder the longer this chemo drags on. Strength to endure!!!!

[noiretblanc15]

I don't know who I am anymore....

[champagnetoasts]

breathe in, breathe out, move on*

I had my 3 month check-up with my Oncologist on Tuesday. For the first time in months, I wasn’t paralyzed with fear as I walked into the hospital. (I could talk here about my panic attacks I experienced post treatment but we’ll save that topic for another day)

I actually forgot about my blood work they had run [which would NEVER have been the case a few short months ago] and I figured since I hadn’t heard anything as of yesterday morning, I might as well touch base and be sure all of the results looked good.

Let me also interject here and say that the Nurse Clinician @ UNC is beyond the greatest woman alive. She’s kind, patient, and even keeled which is a welcome change of pace to my energetically charged sort of personality. I rather like to think that we might be friends if it weren’t for the whole nurse / patient relationship we have going on.

[but back to the story]

Nurse J filled me in on all my stats- all my blood work looked great, chemo should mostly be out of my system, a slightly elevated sodium count (wait? what? I blame the Easter ham).

And before we hung up, Nurse J spoke the words I’ve been longing to hear since August when this mess all began

Well, lady, it looks like you’re in the clear.

I quickly hung up the phone knowing that I couldn’t keep my voice from cracking with emotion. That the fight I waged, the worry I’ve felt, the panic I’ve tried to keep at bay, and the emotions I’ve been flooded with

are all over.

Almost 8 months in the making. And I’m finally free at last.

Thank you- from the bottom of my ever so thankful heart- for being the best cheering squad this girl could have ever imagined. I hope that sharing (even over-sharing at points) my story has helped at least one person through a dark period. Because as I’ve said all along to my close friends and family, I’m tough and if it’s meant for me to go through this to helps someone else, I’ll gladly bear that burdeon.

& now (thankfully) the worst is over and the rest of my (our) lives is dangling in the distance.

I can’t wait to see what it has in store for me. for us.

Breathe in, breathe out, move on. oxo

*this Jimmy Buffett song was used by a family friend of ours who’s son was battling Leukemia last year. each blog post Newell made, he closed with breathe in, breathe out, move on

[noiretblanc15]

@champagnetoasts I see this is a 2 year old post but your story, and others I've found here, are helping me to realize that I'm not alone in battling this disease. Giving me hope that my chemo treatments will knock out this cancer and I will have another chance at a healthy pregnancy in the future. Thank you for sharing your story.

[noiretblanc15]

Week 3 (Oct 16) I'm starting to look tired and worn out. The drugs are starting to take their toll on me, both physically and mentally. This weekend was the worst yet. I had extreme trouble sleeping. I would fall asleep, but wake up a few hours later unable to go back to sleep for the remained of the night. Naps the next day were impossible as well. My heart was racing and I didn't know why. I thought perhaps it was the culmination of the 3 weeks of medication. I was so exhausted from the weekend that I called out of work on Monday. Difficult week all around. On the bright side, I had my first follow up appointment with the doctor since I started chemo. Beta hCG levels are down from 2700 when admitted to 1600! Hopefully can get to negative within the 8 weeks of treatment. 

[noiretblanc15]

Chemo round 2! (Oct 9) Now I know what to expect. I've got my usual spot overlooking the city on a rainy fall day. Injection hurt less this time, but maybe I was just less nervous. Weekend was different than last, less pain at injection site but more soreness in my lower back and cramping. My appetite has been ok considering, but for two weeks in a row now, have had trouble sleeping Tuesday nights. Spent Saturday researching blogs. Happily landed with Tumblr. Was surprised to find other women who have gone through similar struggles with this disease, from the loss of their babies to chemo. It's a painful journey to go from the joy of finding  out you're pregnant and planning the life of the baby and your new family to discovering you've lost the baby to the trauma of the D&C procedure, both physically and emotionally, to learning you've had a #partialmolarpregnancy and worse it has turned into #gestationaltrophoblasticdisease and you're in need of weekly chemo treatments. What a shift in planning! The realization of this is becoming harder to bear than the treatment. 

[noiretblanc15]

First day of chemo! (Oct 2nd) so happy to be starting treatment so quickly after diagnosis. Weekend was followed by a lot of soreness at the injection site and general fatigue, but made it through to week 2. 

[noiretblanc15]

Beautiful word for all those grieving there loss today and everyday.

[noiretblanc15]

You will always be our first baby 😪💔#partialmolarpregnancy

[weebittrendy]

“When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them.“ "This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes.” #pregnancyloss #infantloss #october15th #love #care #mom #dad #sids #miscarriage #stillbirths #gonebutnotforgotten #family http://ift.tt/1OxLEC2

[noiretblanc15]

#molarpregnancy #gestationaltrophoblasticdisease

[cateyedkp]

To my lovely friends who have experienced losses, privately or reluctantly in the spotlight, thinking of you today on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. “When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes.” -Ronald Reagan, establishing October as PAIL Awareness Month in 1988.

[abbymontenegro]

October is SIDS, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. This is in memory of my short pregnancy. Molar pregnancy is rare, and no one really understands when explained. Glad I’m not alone in this.

My husband, had been my support since day one. At times I would forget he also lost a baby. He’s been so strong for us both. October will always have a little bit more meaning. I’ll remember my little short blessing.

[noiretblanc15]

❤️ To all the moms out there fighting this fight and suffering through their loss!

[wannabeaworthwhilewoman]

[wannabeaworthwhilewoman]

[noiretblanc15]

Suffering through chemo after a partial molar pregnancy. Love and respect to all those going through the same struggle!