King of Shitlords 2k17™

Cedric/Noiz ~21 y.o. ~Gemini sun, Capricorn moon, Virgo rising ~ENFP ~Gryffindor House (but I'm not into HP that much and I'm sorry-) ~He/his/himself. ~Pansexual/panromantic Active fandom update: VOLTRON LEGENDARY DEFENDER LIKE FUCK, The fucking Justice League someone help (especially Superman and Booster Gold), Osomatsu-san, Dragon Age, Undertale, Ace Attorney, Steven Universe, Rick and Morty Persona 4. There are many more that I'm not active in, trust me. :) Please do ask about my OCs/Fan characters/canon muses!! I love to RP and I have a LOT of muses!! :D (I guess I should put this here) Kin: Deadpool (Wade Wilson) (Marvel), Undyne (Undertale), Gaster (Undertale). If you are not otherkin friendly then please unfollow/get off my blog. Also, I talk to/accept doubles c:

[bob-belcher]

Me: is this job really worth it????

My bills:

[inkskinned]

Every day I handle more money than I will ever make. Every day.

At the start of my employment, my boss showed me videos of people stealing, and we both had a chuckle about it. How silly they were! There was a camera overhead, and it’s not to watch the shoppers. See, we can’t actually stop shoplifters. They get away with it maybe nine out of ten times. But we, who are watched and tallied and witnessed? We are always caught.

At first it was hard to hold one hundred dollars bills. An amount I had never seen before. An amount that didn’t exist in my household. It’s normal now. Here is something that is not for me.

“What the hell, I’ll take another,” says the man, pondering our 200 dollar watches. What the hell. Total comes to 580 and not even a flinch in his face. I have been working for 11 hours today and made only 110 dollars. It will go to my rent. Today I work for free, it feels. When I get my check, I will have 35 dollars left for food and saving.

The six hundreds he hands me go into the cash register. For a moment, I imagine having money. Then I put it away, counting out his change.

I know for a fact we sell our products for double what they are worth. That I could be making commission. That they could hand me those 580 dollars and change my life and not even mark the difference in their checkbooks. He’s not the only sale they make today, but I am the reason they made it. He’s not the only one spending 600 dollars, but if I hadn’t spent two hours with him telling me about his life, he wouldn’t have spent any. I go home. I don’t own a watch.

I have watched and rewatched a video on how to make salmon four ways. My shopping list is always the same. Pasta. Rice. Tuna. If I can afford butter it was a good week. I dream of the world I will never walk in, where I can throw the best fish fillet in the cart with a shrug. I hold hundreds in my hand and look up at the camera. I put them under the cash drawer.

I go to work. I scrap together my savings. I eat my bowl of rice slowly. My manager takes a paid week off from work just for his birthday. He owns a yacht. 

I’m not worth the cost of a watch.

[avvocarlo]

me whenever more than 5 customers enter my store: fuck we are under attack

[chazkuangshi]

“I’ve NEVER. Eaten a DONUT. In my ENTIRE LIFE. And I’m NOT. About to start NOW.”

-Crazy customer I had today, upon being offered a complimentary donut

[ephemeral-lightning]

Why is this a real thing that happened in the real world what’s the meaning of this

[chazkuangshi]

I’m just gonna copy paste the story here from discord because honestly the whole story is worth hearing

so lady comes through drive thru. “Hi what can I get for you?” “A sesame bagel with extra cream cheese.” “A sesame bagel with extra cream cheese, sure no problem, can I get you anything else today?” “No” “Alright, you can pull up” and I just hear this quiet disgrunted “ ‘Please’ ?” I’m like uhhhhh, was that even directed at me, I don’t know, I don’t know how to respond to that so I just ignore it like I didn’t hear it. I go up to the window and see this woman, which she honestly looked like a tomato with messy gray hair. Before I have the window halfway open I see her roll her eyes at me so I’m like oh boy here we go, time to put on the stupid sweet customer voice “Hi how are you today?” She hands me the money for her bagel and goes “Just a tip. It’s ‘Please pull up to the window.’ not ‘pull up.’ I found that incredibly rude.” I go “I’m sorry about that, I didn’t intend for that to be rude, I just meant that it was okay to pull up to the window now.” “I know what you meant. But it was rude.” “Well, I apologize. Here’s your bagel, have a great day.” She goes “I’m a MYSTERY SHOPPER.” (If you don’t have Mystery shoppers where you are, it’s kind of like undercover boss where the store owner hires someone through the Mystery shopper program and they place a regular order just to make sure people are following policy) I’m like “… ok” So I’m about to tell my boss and coworker what just happened when she comes in. And I jump to the front counter because no way I’m letting her talk to my boss before I do. “Hi, can I help you?” “Yes. This bagel was supposed to be NOT toasted. You toasted it.” “Ohh, I’m so sorry about that! I didn’t hear that. I’ll make you a new one right now.” Coworker beats me to the bagel and I say “A little extra cream cheese on that.” She looks at my boss “She just said a LITTLE cream cheese. I wanted EXTRA cream cheese.” Boss goes “Oh, she said a little extra cream cheese.” “Oh” Boss goes into kiss ass mode as well and says, “I’m sorry about the mistake, would you like a donut?” Lady goes “I’ve never. Eaten a donut. In my ENTIRE LIFE. and I’m NOT. About to start NOW.” Boss is like “… ok” and we’re all internally going sdhakgsdgkja?

So we get the bagel out and she says to my boss “And I have one more thing to say.” She leans in with a sneer. “Mystery shopper.” boss goes “We don’t do that here.” “yea you do.” “No we don’t.” “yea you do.” “Have a good day.”

Basically we’re pretty sure the lady was crazy and she was absolutely lying because Mystery shoppers are not allowed to tell you that they’re mystery shoppers, and they aren’t allowed to coach you. And even if she was, “please” is not one of the things they look for. They look for a Greeting, whether or not you repeated the order and the price back, and whether or not you upsold. We haven’t participated in the program in over 7 years.

[lizardvvizard]

[mxnrique]

journalists writing articles: millennials are eating Tide Pods.

me, a millennial:

[dawva]

THESE ARE GEN Z KIDS!!!! 23 YEAR OLDS ARE NOT OUT HERE EATING LAUNDRY DETERGENT.

[nos3um]

yeah it’s them fucking kids born in 2005

[ambelle]

they are trying to avoid student debt

[spillywolf-deactivated20190920]

If I’m being “loud” it means:

-I’m comfortable around you, because otherwise I’m quiet and speak softly

-I don’t even realize I’m being “loud”

-I’m happy/excited enough to be energetic and lively

I’m sorry if it annoys you but telling me to be quiet is a very quick way to make me feel rejected and push me away.

[drearyhours]

the best joke scp is the one where the scp itself is just typical mediocre normal scp fare (dark matter bracelet that kills people) but the joke is that the scientists behave like scp community members instead of actual scientists

[drearyhours]

[memewhore]

[chelle-the-evil-queen-deactivat]

a mystery wrapped in an enigma drizzled with conundrum

[davestrider-blog-deactivated202]

see that bit of grey, faded text? 

mystery solved.

[bludhavenbabe]

[xtremersadiq]

an ace attorney fan would have dragged it out far longer than they needed to

[captainsnoop-deactivated2020041]

childhood is asking your parents to go to mcdonalds but they say no because “we got food at the house”

adulthood is going to mcdonalds despite having food at the house, but not getting a drink at mcdonalds because you got drinks at the house 

[vibinwitch]

Don’t call me out like this

[skygenders]

me wearing gay stuff: gay people please talk to me, gay people please talk to me, gay people please talk to me, gay people please

[xvymlm]

Are you a flannel gay, sweater gay, hoodie gay, jean jacket gay, or leather jacket gay?

[melanchole]

ultimate personality test: are you a soundcloud person, a youtube person, a spotify person, or a pandora person?

[arabwife]

I can’t wait for the day a woman’s strength isn’t dictated by how much abuse she can endure

[d0nn0]

Just a reminder to check if you are accidentally using your data and not your wifi so you can swap back over

[mylifebeyondlogic]

For the love of god reblog this to be a decent member of society

[siderealscribblings]

no ship wars, we multiship like adults

[batgirlonawafflerampage]

no love triangles, we polyship like adults too

[terrifiedmouse]

Procrastinating on homework and decided to make a list of characters that I predict will be in the next Fire Emblem game. (Feel free to add your own predictions if you want to, yknow for fun or also procrastinating on work.)

[terrifiedmouse]

Added a couple that I forgot before and a few based on comments/tags.

[starry-genome]

Please reblog if you are 20+ and are mentally ill. I see so many posts by mentally ill teenagers and that’s great, but I feel like I’m too old to have depression and anxiety and other mental issues to the extent that I do.