#wankered

kelly • 🇳🇿 • she/her

[nolookfive]

hello my friends :)

i know it’s been a while since i posted on here and tbh i don’t know if anyone even remembers me KSJSJSK i kind of just jumped in and out between b99 seasons. also btw new zealand is going thru omicron rn and today(feb 23 2022) we had 3297 new cases LMAO we’re so fucked it’s funny as.

anyway back to serious things…

i’ve been in denial for literal months but now that b99 is actually over, i think it’s time i peace out for good.

this fandom was easily one of my best core memories. i have loved every moment of screaming and crying and throwing up with you all over all of the amazing b99 things that we got to experience together. when i say the b99 tumblr fandom is the most chaotic yet loving and supportive fandom ever, i mean that. you guys welcomed me in and showed me so much love and acceptance and a bond that cannot be broken. this sounds like a break up who tf do i think i am.

i won’t delete my blog, i’m just gonna let it hang out. i wrote some fics that i’m so proud of. i made some damn posts that got some damn notes and that was pretty cool. i made some pals and reunited with some pals from a past fandom and even met a pal irl!!! (@youngsamberg my bagel kween!)

y’all are dope as hell and i cannot thank you enough for letting me geek out with you over jake and amy and mac and literally everything b99. if u wanna keep up with my life, here’s my twitter and my instagram and even my mf tiktok - please don’t be a stranger.

love u guys. thanks for everything ❤️

[nolookfive]

hey guys! it’s been a minute. my last post on here was from february 24 2022 and two years from that day i went to the eras tour so there’s something wholesome about that…but also not? idk. anyway i miss brooklyn nine-nine. and i miss you. i’m gonna do a rewatch just to feel something. bye! love u!! binders!!!

[jakeyp]

#i miss him

[heystephen]

does taylornation do background check? I don’t want to miss out on secret session just because I have a potential murder charge

you have a what now

[heystephen]

[trueloveistreacherous]

Wow. Wasn’t expecting to get this emotional. It’s not bad for an old robot, huh? Meep-morp. Zeep. Sir, did you just make a joke? I believe I did, yes.

[nolookfive]

I DEADASS FORGOT THAT JAKE HAD THREE HALF SISTERS LMAO

[nolookfive]

not me gapping it after the finale and being MIA again LMAO anyway i’ve had some aggressive anxiety lately and i started watching b99 from s4 now i’m onto s5 and i can’t believe they did that to melissa’s hair at the start of the season what the hell was that

[jakeyp]

just a dad protecting his son

[worldscissoringchampion]

wait wait wait put in the tags whether or not you talk during movies

[benslie]

Let me guess, you and Jake are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss. What? No, stop that!

[nolookfive]

What’s gloriavale

PLEASE GOOGLE IT IMMEDIATELY YOU WON’T BE DISAPPOINTED unless u hate religious cults

[nolookfive]

idk about any other new zealander on here but personally i’m ready for another gloriavale doco

[fourdrinkamy]

hey I was wondering if u were taking headcanon prompts! if so please could you do jake and amy deciding to team up for the heist!❤️

Anonymous said: any headcanons of jake and amy deciding to team up for the heist😌?

slightly nsfw bc i can't help myself lol but:

one evening after putting mac to bed and checking the baby monitor religiously to see that he's actually asleep, jake & amy close their bedroom door in order to make the most of finally having some alone time together,,, and it's after amy's fucked him like the girlboss she is that jake looks up at her, his chest heaving, and grins "that was great, we work great together" "hell yeah we do" amy says softly as she leans down to give him a final kiss before rolling off him and grabbing the tissues on her nightstand....she's cleaning them both up when jake's eyes open wide in a eureka moment that she recognises easily from working on cases with him for years - just a minute ago she thought he'd fall asleep without even bothering to put his boxers back on but, knowing her husband, this means that's not happening any time soon (nor are the post sex cuddles she was looking forward to). before she can even ask what he's thinking, he sits up in bed and is like "ames....we work great together why have we never teamed up for a heist???" "we're naked in bed and you're thinking about the heist?" "duh i'm never not thinking about the heist it consumes my every waking moment but...babe for real, this could be perfect. we literally live together so we have all this time to plan plus we're married so we can basically read each other's minds at this point" amy smiles at that bc it really is true (although she wishes he'd read her mind about not letting mac eat yoghurt on a rug the other day...) / "i can rent out a warehouse unit somewhere downtown so we can talk strategy before picking up mac from daycare" he continues, the excitement in his voice so endearing, "and then when we win we can have the most incredible victory sex ever" / amy straight up laughs at his cheeky grin and the way his eyebrow quirks upwards at the mention of sex, as if they don't have incredible sex every week anyway "i have to say, babe, that does sound pretty great...we can use date night to plan as well" "god i love the way you think" he kisses her on the lips before swiftly getting out of bed stark naked to sit at her desk and grab paper and pens....watching him from the bed, amy loves the way his mind runs a mile a minute but sometimes he does need reminding that they have Real Adult responsibilities beyond heisting "babe? i love you but we have to be up in like 6 hours for work and daycare" "right right," jake sighs at being brought back into reality, reluctantly putting the cap back on the pen he was scribbling with and climbing back into bed (amy immediately turns the light off and snuggles into him, getting the cuddles she wanted after all) "this is going to be the best heist yet" he declares into the darkness of their bedroom, even though they don't even know when it's going to be or what they're competing for yet,, "mhm" amy agrees sleepily against his skin "because we're the best team ever...in bed and in heisting"

(it's like a month or two later that the Last Day Heist is made official etc and thereafter a lot of time is spent scheming and fucking in that warehouse 🧘🏻‍♀️ amen)

[ashleysolsen]

500 CELEBRATION ★ TOP 5 FAVOURITE MOVIES VOTED BY MY FOLLOWERS ↳ #1 Legally Blonde (2001)

[sadsocietypress]

shop our prints ✨

ig: @sadsocietypress​

[squeakitties]

“you just lost a customer” thank fucking GOD

[nolookfive]

How is the Covid situation down under there?

ahh SO i’m currently in level 2 so basically everything is open again but with Limits and i have to wear a mask every day at work which is mega uncomfortable but i’m used to it now which i hate bc my skin also hates it. auckland is in level 3 but ppl keep breaking the rules and trying to go over the border into level 2 regions so if they end up in level 4 again like it’s on them lmao