I used to think I’d be stuck forever in that depressive headspace, like, no hope at all. I mean, being 11 and already thinking about how to get attention and how to hurt myself… that’s not normal. And the crazy part is, the world wasn’t attacking me, it was me against myself.
Those years felt endless. The pain dragged on forever, locked in the bathroom like that. But now, looking back, it all went by so fast… and weirdly, I kinda miss not having the responsibilities I’ve got now. These days I don’t even have the time or energy to focus on myself or figure out who I am. Maybe that’s actually my way of avoiding myself, so I don’t fall back into that dark place again. Just forget who I am and focus on being useful to everyone else. I know that stepping away from my identity is what helped me find some mental and physical peace… but is that really who I am?
This low-key little corner used to feel like home, and coming back to it today just makes me look back… without really knowing how I’m supposed to feel about it.