bedboundreader

Fic recs or whatever💪 ehinopxx ON AO3 Mainly DC stuff rn nopsartsy on insta!

[nopxxx]

This fic is actually devastating, and there are tears actively on my face and coming from my eyes as I write this.

Idk if the author has tumblr but I simply couldn’t keep this to myself you have to cry with me.

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

[nopxxx]

Reposting bc I’m crying

[umbrelladripdrop]

I'm just thinking about the chaos that can ensue due to Damian's years of tutoring clashing with the usual American schooling system from the other bats. Not from the material though, from the culture.

Like all the other bat children have gone through at least a few years of American High School: Dick after Bruce takes him in, Jason in the years where Bruce puts him in school before he died, Tim before he said Fuck This Noise and dropped out. But Damian?

Sure he knows all the material, is way beyond most of the material honestly, but that's not the point. The point is that Damain hasn't yet gotten indoctrinated traumatised used to the American Education System.

Observe:

Damian: What is with their constant insistence on the most inconsequential things? What is so important about- about a mitochondria?? Dick, Jason, and Tim at the same time: The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. Damian: wtf??

[tinquacan]

You know how Dick gives everyone hugs like an octopus, what if his hugging habits rubbed off on everyone else. Like everyone just clings to Bruce's legs, arms, and the like.

Before Jason came home, Bruce was the tallest, and Dick was the one initiating these hugs. Basicly Dick has shown everyone that whenever anyone wants to get picked up, they all go climb Bruce.

One day, a few days after Jason agreed to stay at the manor long-term. Bruce pulls Jason over to the side.

Bruce, whispering: There's something you need to know if you're gonna stay here– Jason, in his normal voice, cause why the hell is he whispering in his own home: Yeah yeah no killing, rubber bullet yahda yahda Bruce: No it's not that I trust you not to kill people. It's about the others. Jason half distracted: huh, what about the others? Bruce trying to find a polite way to talk about his children: ah well you see they really like hugs– Jason: you pulling over to warn me about hugs?  Really old man? You've lost your edge Bruce ‘I love my children’ Wayne: When I say they like hugs, I mean that in a kinda kaola demon way Jason cracking: Really is that what they are? God Bruce this is a new low I thought you wanted stay here? Bruce: I do! More than anything but I wanted to warn you– Jason: that children like hugs? Cause who could had thought of that. Bruce with a very serious expression: yes that but you dont understand– they, they climb Jason: What the shit are you talking now? Bruce: They climb me and latch on. They climb the doorframe of the manor to jump on me, they koala onto me in the damn batsuit, and now I fear they will climb you. Jason: oook, and how did you decide this? Bruce: Jaylad, you're taller than me and almost as much bulk in their eyes; you're a freaking Jungle gym. Jason: What about Dick? He's not that much shorter than you? Bruce: Who do you think started this?!

[nopxxx]

Hopping on his train or whatever

[nopxxx]

Choo choo…

[nopxxx]

AHHH THE QUALITY NOO

[nopxxx]

Hopping on his train or whatever

[nopxxx]

Choo choo…

[secretidentie]

I always wonder if Clark has accidentally called Bruce by a Midwestern pet name without realizing

Bruce: Superman

Clark working on something: yes darlin

Bruce*burning bright red*: uhmm.... M-Mission reports

Clark, oblivious: what's that doll?

Bruce gay panic Wayne: nothing.... doesn't matter

*Smoke bombs away*

Clark finally turn around: weird. what was that about

Later that night in bed Clark wakes up in a cold sweat realizing what he's done.

Clark: Oh no. He's gonna kill me

_____

Bruce still on the floor 6hrs later: you don't understand Alfred. That midwest charm. It's psychological warfare.

Alfred so done with this gay shit: I only asked if you want tea, Master Wayne. However I now realize that nothing can quite quench your thirst

[nopxxx]

Hopping on his train or whatever

[nopxxx]

Silly guys

[batsandbirdsandothers]

[abcdfghjklmpqrobin]

Au where Batman doesn't want to tell the Justice League his secret identity but it's because he's really embarrassed about the things he's done as Bruce Wayne.

The thing is; Batman has spent years crafting and perfecting his public persona.

'Brucie Wayne' is supposed to be a dumber than life himbo, with daddy's credit card and the maturity of a seventeen year old. He's supposed to be someone so outlandishly ridiculous no one would ever even dare to mention him in the same sentence as Batman... And Batman has been acting that part perfectly.

It's a genius plan.

But then the league begins talking about maybe all sharing their secret identities, to become closer as a group and work better together. And the only thing in Batman's mind is 'Oh. My. God. Please don't'

Superman is saying something about trust and how he has come to value all of them as friends. Batman is thinking about last year Christmas' Gala, where he took off his clothes in an improvised strip-tease, and started swimming in the fountain.

Wonder woman is talking about how she wishes to strengthen their bonds so they become greater warriors. Bruce just remembered there's videos of him fucking twerking and pole dancing to Ariana Grande all over the internet.

Flash starts smiling and telling them he already trust them with his life– Bruce once said chocolate milk came from brown cows.

'Oh. My. God'.

There's just no way he's telling any of them.

[nopxxx]

My first time doing something like this..

[frownyalfred]

WHY does this look like some weird band led by Batfleck im choking—

[gravygranola]

yeah they're in love keep scrolling

[papayafromtv]

one of the funniest batkid tropes has to be the older kids constantly getting mistaken as the younger ones parent, especially when there’s literally like. a two year age difference between them like jason with tim. but even funnier is when it starts to get layers to it and the entire family tree gets fucked up.

-Tim and Damian out shopping-

Damian: here, buy these for me.

Tim, who has the credit card: *sigh* alright, c’mon then.

Tim, as he hands the stuff to the cashier: but after this we have to get food, you haven’t eaten all day.

Damian: tt. you are overbearing.

Tim: no, i’m doing my job by making sure you don’t die.

Damian: *rolls his eyes and leaves*

Cashier: aw, don’t worry, i had my first when i was young. you’re doing great!

Tim:

Tim:

Tim: . thank you.

-Jason taking Tim to the movies-

Jason: alright, what was it you wanted to see?

Tim: that new crime one, there. can i get the sweet popcorn too?

Jason: sure.

Movie theatre worker, handing over the tickets: here you go! enjoy the movie guys, and can i just say it’s so lovely to see a father and son spending time together like this.

Jason, has been mistaken for Tim’s dad so many times he no longer blinks: yeah haha, anything to get him out of his room, see you later.

Tim, as they walk away: so does this make you Damian’s grandfather?

Jason:

Jason: what?

-later-

Damian, bored as hell: so Todd, if you are my grandfather, and you have slept with my mother,

Jason: do not remind me

Damian: then mother is your ex, which means my mother is my ex grandmother.

Jason: …huh.

Dick: and if she went back to Bruce after you left the league, then your ex and Damian’s ex grandmother, is also your mother and damian’s new great grandmother.

Jason: no no no, do you not remember how many times you were called my dad before i died? Bruce is my grandfather, which means my ex is also my new grandmother and Damian’s… great… great grandmother? right? if i’m his grandfather and you’re his great grandfather then- yeah. Talia’s his great great grandmother.

Tim: Steph got called my mom once. we were dating at the time so that was weird.

Dick: Tim a lot of people seem to think you’re a young child. maybe it’s time to up the nutrition intake.

Damian: so after my grandfather broke up with my now-great great grandmother, he got with his son’s mother. so Brown is now my grandmother.

Dick: so Steph is my daughter-in-law?

Jason: wait wait why do i have to marry her? can’t we just be separated co-parents? isn’t she with Cass anyway?

Damian: so… you broke UP with your son’s mother, and now Drake has a father and two mothers, one of whom is his ex.

Dick: also i’ve had multiple people think me and Cass are twins, so.

Tim: My dad really can’t keep a woman.

Jason: w- hey people have thought me and Roy were a married couple, so maybe i can’t keep a woman because i’d rather a man!

Tim: so is lian my sister then?

Dick: somebody thought Roy was my cousin once, back when we were in the titans together.

Tim: last gala somebody assumed me and Duke were an item, so Damian is also Duke’s son.

Damian: so do i have the N word pass?

Tim: adopted son.

Jason: actually come to think of it, i knew Duke and his parents back when i was a street kid, and a lot of people who saw us hang out thought that i was his adopted older brother.

Dick: so Duke is… Tim’s… uncle? turned husband? and also Jason’s brother turned son? so he’s my son turned grandkid?

Tim: OH and once somebody thought Steph was Dick’s girlfriend.

Jason:

Dick:

Damian:

Damian: we need to get the whiteboard out for this-

Tim: -gonna make a graph-

[nopxxx]

My brain is melting

[widdleguy]

LOOK AT HIM

HES MY BABY BOY AND I LOVE HIM!!! HE LIKES CORNERS AND THEY MAKE HIM FEEL SAFE AND CALM!!!!!

[nopxxx]

He’s watching.

[noodles-and-tea]

Also.