But if I give up now, then it was all for nothing.

I drink too much and love too hard. I am too impulsive and too prideful. I am so used to getting what I want. But lately, no such luck.

[27gtspoetry]

[nosuchluckj]

My heart is beating so fucking fast.

[surqrised]

“At least I’m not as sad as I used to be.”

— fun.

[nosuchluckj]

[nosuchluckj]

[nosuchluckj]

You worrying about me and what I’m doing after you broke me down and abused me for years is your problem

[dayzeart]

[nosuchluckj]

I shouldn’t have to barricade the door to fall asleep.

[stars-bean]

Pooh’s Grand Adventure: The Search for Christopher Robin (1997) dir. Karl Geurs

[nosuchluckj]

You are grasping at straws trying to hurt and control me, and the only one suffering is your child.

[nosuchluckj]

And just like that, you gave us both up.

[nosuchluckj]

Today, I am struggling.

[nosuchluckj]

Even in our demise, you still have control.

[nosuchluckj]

Who do you call when your boyfriend chokes you so hard you can’t swallow for weeks? Smashes your face into the wall so hard you can’t open your eyes for a minute? Punches you so hard in the back of your head that it splits open and won’t stop bleeding?

No one, because you know you’re not leaving and you know your friends don’t understand.

[nosuchluckj]

When I chose to be with you, I accepted the parts of me that I needed to lose to allow for that. When I chose to be a mother, I accepted the emotional and physical sacrifices. Now not only will I be without you, but 50% of my life will be without my sweet, tiny girl. I already feel the undeniable loneliness I am not yet accustomed to.

[nosuchluckj]

It was never a fairytale. There was no romantic proposal (even after I, embarassed, asked you to say something nice.) There were no family photos.. we didn’t really share a lot of moments as much as we just lived them together.

[nosuchluckj]

The next step is where we were supposed to shine.. we just couldn’t make it there.