There is Only You @nosuchthingashome - Tumblr Blog

she’s doing god’s work

I find it fascinating that people who choose not to have children are generally assumed to feel really strongly about not having children (or even to feel really strongly against children, anyone’s children, in general). I am probably not going to have children, not because I REALLY REALLY HATE the idea of having children, but because I don’t really really love it. Out of all the major decisions I will make in my life, this one is the only irreversible one. I can sell a house, quit a job, divorce a spouse, whatever. I cannot unhave a child. I cannot opt out of being a parent once I become a parent. I can’t even take a step back for the sake of self-care or whatever, or else my child will suffer.

So for me, having children is fuck yes or not at all. The default will be to remain childfree. Having children should be an opt-in decision, not an opt-out one. Until/unless I develop really strong feelings about wanting to have children, I won’t have them, even if that means I never end up having them at all.

functioning-minne-holic

Sometimes you just come across something that puts into words what you have yet been unable to.

sunflorally

your relationship doesn’t have to be toxic to be a bad one. it can be unfulfilling, exhausting, loveless. and someone doesn’t have to be terrible to you for you to leave them. if you aren’t primarily happy in your relationship, you have a valid reason to not be in it. don’t beat yourself up because your situation “could be worse.” if it isn’t what you want, you don’t have to stay in it.

gemstonedgoddess-deactivated202

This is great advice for all kinds of relationships.

friedthrice

I wish someone told me this when I was 16

purplesaline

Relationships, inclusive of romantic, platonic, and professional relationships all boil down to one simple truth.

If your needs are not being met and the other person/people involved in that relationship are unable or unwilling to either meet those needs or allow you to have those needs met elsewhere then the relationship is no longer viable.

And our needs change over time too. It’s normal and natural for that to happen.

Someone being unable to meet your needs, and vice versa, doesn’t make them a bad person, or even a bad relationship partner. Someone being unwilling to meet your needs, and vice versa, doesn’t make them a bad person (they may be a bad person for other reasons). There are a lot of valid reasons why someone would be unwilling to meet certain needs. No one is obligated to meet your needs, they’re only obligated to respect that you need them met.

You can never compromise your needs and be happy. That’s not what compromise in a relationship is for. You can compromise your wants and you can compromise on how your needs get met, but you cannot compromiseon whether your needs get met. Compromise is a cooperative and fair exercise, if it’s one sided that’s defined as sacrifice. Sacrifice can exist in relationships but should not be confused with compromise. If you expect an equal sacrifice in exchange them what you’re really looking for is a compromise. Sacrifice is a gift to be given with no expectation of something in return. Anyone who demands sacrifice should be treated the same as someone who demands a gift.

It sounds too easy to be true but the part that makes it tricky is most people have no idea what they need let alone being able to determine between wants and needs. Figuring out your needs in a relationship isn’t easy either as most people focus on the specific person they’re with. “I need Joe to pay more attention to me.” instead of “I need to feel the person/people I am in a relationship with prioritizes me over over other people or hobbies.” But even that can be scrutinized even further to get to the core of that need “I need to feel wanted”

So to help get the process started here’s a few examples

I need to feel wanted

I need to have my needs and boundaries respected

I need a lot/little physical affection

I need to have independent hobbies, interests, and friends

I need to know I am not the only person expected to meet another person’s needs

I need to be trusted

I need to feel I have the freedom to make my own decisions

I need to feel like I am a priority - not necessarily the most important priority, but a priority

I need my mental health and associated triggers to be respected

I need to be treated with empathy and kindness

I need autonomy over my own body

sunflorally

your relationship doesn’t have to be toxic to be a bad one. it can be unfulfilling, exhausting, loveless. and someone doesn’t have to be terrible to you for you to leave them. if you aren’t primarily happy in your relationship, you have a valid reason to not be in it. don’t beat yourself up because your situation “could be worse.” if it isn’t what you want, you don’t have to stay in it.

gemstonedgoddess-deactivated202

This is great advice for all kinds of relationships.

humansofnewyork

“My husband got involved with a younger woman at work. I was relaxed about it at first. He’s thirteen years younger than me, so I thought: ‘Shit happens.’ But then she got pregnant. Luckily through the divorce process I had the opportunity to take over this shithole place with no heating, which I’ve turned into an art studio. And now I’m living my best life. Everything is for sale except the pink chandelier and the dog. Anyone is free to stop by at anytime. You can eat or drink whatever you want. All the young people in the neighborhood love me. I’m the oldest person in our friend group. Everyone else is in their twenties or thirties. They call me Queen Mama. I call them my adopted kids. I always help them with their school projects and resumes and interviews. I only ask one thing in return. Each of them has to teach me one new thing every week: a piece of music, a trend, an idea. Just so I can stay up to date. Before you take the photograph, let me go inside and put on some make-up. We were out until 2 AM last night.” (Amsterdam, The Netherlands)

titenoute

willinq

Sometimes things in context… are better

washjones

I’ve legit been searching for this video for a couple weeks

ampervadasz

characterlimit

*schlorp* OHOHOHO *shklump* AHAHAHA

luxgalador

I cannot stop watching this

tideartist-deactivated20171102

Needed this to cheer up–

bebopmoon

We're in the bad place

inkipri

the only 2 things you need to remember when life gets rocky. instant reassurance.

rednightmare18

25-35 is such a weird fucking age because you’re 100% a bread-and-butter Standard Edition Millennial but the cool teens are like “ok boomer” because you have a Real Job but the actual Boomers at your job are like “I’m not going to listen to a literal fucking child” as they download 16 self-replicating viruses and meanwhile the Gen Xers are telling you to refinance a mortgage for a house you don’t have and you’re sitting there at the Adults Table with the pretty tasty casserole you cooked because you’ve finally figured out how to do that now but everyone is eating the Boomer’s store-bought macaroni instead and admittedly they do sort of taste similar so it probably wasn’t worth all the trouble of cooking from scratch and you’re trying to comfort the freshly-graduated sobbing 22-year-old next to you because she just woke up here and doesn’t know where she is but you have like maybe 5k dollars in a savings account labelled RETIREMENT that grows approx. twelve cents a year and you keep eating dry macaroni while smiling incomprehensibly and periodically blacking out like ??????????

shooting-stars-andsatellites

Adult realization: you will make mistakes, you will act irrationally. You will commit some wrongs that cannot be fully righted. People will dislike you and misunderstand you for all sorts of reasons. None of these make you a bad person. All you can do is try your best to be kind and just to people, grow and learn.

whatagrump

fleabag is very good

knight-sapphic

Different love languages:

Knowing someone's coffee/food order

"Saw this and thought of you" texts

Falling asleep on their shoulder

"Drive safe" and "text me when you get home"

Having nicknames for eachother

kurtwagnermorelikekurtwagnerd

it's 2022. donald trump has died in disgrace days after being impeached and jailed. my chemical romance's new album is coming out the same day as the new spiderverse movie. the lizzo and janelle monaé collab song is blowing up the radio. lil nas x has a verse in it. you and your partner have time and energy for dates after work after jeff bezos' assets have been seized and distributed to the public in the wake of his arrest for keeping employees in unsafe working conditions.