Rather long reblog, I sadly feel like part of this is just due heteronormativity and how intersectionality it intersects with racism.
Persuming that the demographic of the people who write Hansry mirrors the general demograpic of people who write romantic fanfic between two men, then the majority of this population are white women, who most likely haven't had any experience being in a queer relationship.
Additionally, multiple studies have shown that the majority of these women writing mlm romance fics mainly write, not because they are interested inactually writing about the experience of queer men, but because they actually want to write/read about a romantic relationship without sexism (plus the fetishization, but that is another story).
This means that, because the lack of understanding/experience of queer romance and the lack of interest/desire to investigate how sex & gender interact with romance, they don't actually write a gay romance. They write a straight romance, where both of the characters are of the same sex.
But in doing so, they inject a lot of heteronormative values and fantasies into these romantic dynamics. And these heteronormative ideas are, due to the intersectionality of bigotry, ripe with abelism, racism, orientalism, classism and, ironically, sexism.
And the bad part is, that most people don't seem to realise this. We think that when we write ideas based on our fantasies and desires (cause that is at the core of romance stories), that these are only our own. But we forget that those fantasies and desires are shaped by the society and systems we live in.
So maybe, when writing a romantic fic, examine your fantasies and choices you make. Where do they come from? Isn't it weird how you always make the blond chraracter submissive, even tho in canon they show they aren't? Why do you always make one person in the pairing more physically imposing than the other?
the solution to not needing to read about sexism isn't by writing queer relationships in ways that make them more straight. It's by writing straight relationships in ways that make them more queer.