Can I confuse people who know me IRL?

I'm 26 years old and I'm finally trying to make myself a better person (for the past few years). Hopefully it works. It probably won't. I'm too lazy.

[grief-seed]

[plaguedocboi]

I feel like starfish are one of those animals that are treated as very “normal” by people but absolutely shouldn’t be. Like they’re a wheel of repeating heads connected by a central stomach. They walk around using thousands of tiny sticky hydraulically powered tentacles. They have an eye on the end of each arm. Instead of having a mouth they just have an opening where their entire stomach can be pushed out to engulf prey. And they’re just allowed to exist like this. It’s not illegal or anything.

[girlypopz123]

The pills meme but it's things i wish i had

[horseblob]

you can put it in your mouth it's called wonderful spirit refining pill

[so-much-for-subtlety]

#mywonderful

[justcallmedom31]

[practicallyoblivious-blog]

[shinethewaythrough]

This rapid slide from attempted machismo to sweet tender feelings is what happened to the show, too.

[fortjester]

knight strip tease. is that anything

[fortjester]

knight burlesque performance where he brings on a squire to help him take off each individual garment. the helmet stays on. squire is stone-faced and professional.

[fortjester]

duo of knights doing a burlesque performance where they make (presumably) sensual eye contact while their respective squires help them take off their armour. the helmets stay on. the performance lasts twenty whole minutes. is this anything

[6qubed]

muffled yet suggestive clanking from outside the club

[m3dieval]

The audio to this was very amusing (clanking mostly). I am so mad tumblr doesn't allow videos in the replies.

[theotherjojo-deactivated2026052]

Ah, a classic.

[demadogs]

nothing can break the bond between a friend who loves spoilers and a friend who just watched an amazing show and needs to tell someone the entire plot from start to finish

[demadogs]

alternatively: nothing can break the bond between a friend who doesnt read and a friend who just read an amazing book and needs to tell someone the entire plot from start to finish

[demadogs]

nothing can break the bond between a friend who cannot and will not watch horror but is still interested and a friend who just watched an amazing horror movie and needs to tell someone the entire plot from start to finish

[introvertsnation]

[segamascott]

[arsonistblue]

hello there i'm a woman in a post apocalyptic society and i wake up every day with perfect eyeliner and zero body hair

[arsonistblue]

hi i'm a woman in an apocalypse who raids abandoned shops for supplies but i never need pads or tampons because i never have my period

[arsonistblue]

hi i'm a woman in a post apocalyptic society and this hunting jacket was my father's. he was a woman's size 4

[fuck-customers]

[alphacrone]

i don't really want to weight in on the "using big words in your writing is ableist" discourse happening on tiktok because i'm like 90% certain it's an anti-intellectual psyop to stir up drama in online circles to promote the use of ai to summarize literally everything and thus feeding the LLMs and lowering the populace's mistrust of such tools but i also have to say: dictionaries and thesauruses are the most accessible they've ever been. if you use an e-reader of any kind you can look up a word without leaving the page. there's a plethora of online dictionaries and if you just type a word + "meaning" into google it'll usually give you a definition. we used to have pocket dictionaries we used when reading in class. i have two on my shelf right now that i used in high school. stop letting the fascists purposefully misuse anti-ableism rhetoric to trick you into never thinking again.

[beyondwhimsy]

The four stages of lizard fashion according to my good friend Johnathan Harker

1. Oh no The Horror

2. He’s doing it again 🙄

3. When in Transylvania do as the vampires do

4. I wish I had a gun

[2percentsugar]

does anyone else remember being a hapless american child looking at the prices of books on the inside flap and wondering. do we just hate canadians? this book is $8 here and $13 there, that feels..... mean somehow

[francesderwent]

wish list for people who don’t want anything

aka possessions which are just possessions, but which have noticeably improved my quality of life: for when people ask you “what do you want for your birthday/Christmas/graduation” and you instantly transform into St Francis and pledge fealty to Lady Poverty because your mind went blank

nice. new. sheets. I cannot emphasize this one enough. if you’re still using the same sheets you had in college, you should probably get new ones. get yourself some 100% bamboo rayon sheets—they’re silky and perfect for summer and great for sensitive skin! or, if you’re cold all the time, flannel sheets!

kitchen knives. or even just one really good kitchen knife.

new curtains—blackout if you are a creature of the night like I am

fleece lined anything, but especially sweatpants and hoodies. wool lined socks are also good. if you don’t have the option of coming home after work and putting on an entire outfit that is loose and fuzzy, you should change that, because you deserve that option.

cookie sheets with a layer of air between the top and the bottom. the bottoms of your cookies will never burn again.

kitchen scale!!! no more leveling off flour with a knife and getting it all over the table!! now all your measuring is just shoveling stuff in and out of bowls like you’re at the beach. baking is both more accurate and also way more fun.

coffee bean grinder. if you want to upgrade your coffee experience, this is a great one-time purchase. just-ground beans have a much better flavor than pre-ground.

CDs!! ask for a gift card and expand your physical music collection! or a collection of the DVDs for your favorite show!

[motleysaint]

A few more things!

Good luggage. Whether it’s a suitcase or a duffel bag or even just packing cubes, it’s all helpful!

Good art. If it’s someone you trust, you can ask them to surprise you with a piece they like, otherwise you can have a few back up suggestions of ideas (I saw a framed piece of just the hands from Michaelangelo’s The Creation of Man and have not forgot about it since)

Good good pillows or fluffy blankets to go along with those nice new sheets from above

Office supplies. Pens, markers, sharpies. All the sharpies.

Coffee travel mugs (can one have too many?). If they say they still want more ideas, also ask for a bag of their favorite beans/tea

Look around your house, what do you have that is still from college? Ask for a better one of those.

[mademoisellesarcasme]

And for the future planning, especially if you’re me and forget things: make a document of “things I’d like but don’t want to buy for myself frivolously” and then select items from that for a wishlist.

[nydescynt]

Some other suggestions along these lines:

Nice hand soap/ candles/ detergent - Make sure to clarify if there’s any smells you really do/ don’t want

Nice towels - The ones you want are called ‘bath sheets’, they’re extra large

Small table lamps/ indirect lighting - It is truly incredible how much using a few smaller lights vs The Fluorescent Sun That Lives On The Ceiling to light rooms improves existing in that room

Kitchen canisters- Make sure you ask for ones with seals! These both improve the lifespan of your flour/sugar/what-have-you and are much more convenient than digging into the flour bag only to find it has torn at the back and turned your counter into the Swiss Alps

[lizznotliz]

If you have a favorite local restaurant, or independent bookstore/small business, ask for giftcards! I have asked for and received giftcards to my favorite local pizza place and my local comic book shop for birthdays and Christmas many times and I love that because I get to support a small business and pick something out for myself later.

[bundibird]

I HEARTILY second the bath sheets option. Regular sized towels are shit. If youre wrapping them around yourself starting at your underarms, then regular ones barely cover your ass, and they only just overlap at the front.

Bath SHEETS, however, are much larger towels, and on me when i wrap them around myself, they reach from my underarms to just above my knees, and they wrap properly around me and arent threatening to part at the front if I take so much as a step forward, the way regular towels do.

Ive been using bath sheets for YEARS and they are SO SO SO much better than the piddly little stupid-sized “normal” towels. Get yourself some bath sheets. You’ll never look back.