pairing: joel miller x fem!reader
You were a scientist before the world turned you into a soldier. Now, youāre injured and stuck in some sort of commune in the middle of fucking Wyoming of all places, arguing with some asshole about god-knows-what. Heās infuriating and stubborn and rude and you canāt fucking stand himāso why is this the most alive youāve felt in years?
total word count: 120k (WIP)
tags: post-outbreak, enemies to lovers, slow burn, canon-typical violence, canon-typical behavior, implied/referenced rape/non-con, post-traumatic stress disorder - ptsd, angst and hurt/comfort, forced proximity, unhealthy coping mechanisms, asshole!joel
(links below cut)
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chapter one: lonesome fugitive
chapter two: prairie fire
chapter three: i aināt living long like this
chapter four: east bound and down
chapter five: the futureās not what it used to be
chapter six: runninā kind
chapter seven: highwayman
chapter eight: pancho & lefty
chapter nine: branded man
chapter ten: a girl I used to know
archive of our own
masterlist
chapter one: lonesome fugitive
chapter two: prairie fire
chapter three: i aināt living long like this
chapter four: east bound and down
chapter five: the futureās not what it used to be
chapter six: runninā kind
chapter seven: highwayman
chapter eight: pancho & lefty
chapter nine: branded man
chapter ten: a girl I used to know
chapter eleven: big iron
chapter twelve: if loneliness can kill me
chapter thirteen: wildfire
chapter fourteen: down here where I am
chapter fifteen: the masterās call
chapter sixteen: nothing i can do about it now
chapter seventeen: five feet high and rising
chapter eighteen: smoke along the track
chapter nineteen: a penny for your thoughts
chapter twenty: devilās right hand
chapter twenty-one: live fast, love hard, die young
chapter twenty-two: slow movin' outlaw
hi I wish I were joking but Iāve been out of commission for too long because I got a head injury while trying to save a woman whoād been run over by a truck on the street in front of me lol. be back when screens no longer hurt my head š
Hereās a fungal infection in the brain!! This is something called cryptococcus neoformans, and we isolated it from CSF (the liquid that lubricates your brain)
not super common, not a fun infection to have. Normally, CSF has like, nothing visible on the scope (so the whole circle would look like those empty white areas). Those big brown blobs are fungus š
We got a white fuzzy today! Sometimes theyāre a little more dramatic with their growth and literally push the lid off of the plate (we call them lid-pushers) but most of the time, they look like this!
This photo was taken while my coworker scrambled to find tape to seal off the plate so we donāt accidentally give someone a serious fungal illness!
since itās gonna be a hot minute before Iām able to get the next chapter written, do yall wanna read the very first thing I wrote for tinapoh that I ended up scrapping because I wanted to go in a different direction?
this is cut and will not be in the final story. it's very dark, comparatively. MC does not look good. this is not "canon-compliant" to tina, so any character/lore differences between this and tina should be discarded.
this was the inspiration for tina's title.
this was written in snippets, and was eventually intended to be fully joined together into one full chapter. for the sake of time, i'm not stitching the scenes together. sorry lol
i have not proofread this and i aint gonna.
deleted scene is contained below the cut:
content warnings: canon-typical violence, post-traumatic stress disorder, angst no comfort, hurt no comfort, unhealthy coping mechanisms, injured/wounded minor
you never even called me by my name
Your gun fires, bullets hitting the infected one after the other until its body slumps, smothering Ellieās frame.
āEugh, gross! Get the fuck offāa me!ā she pushes out from under the body, wriggling free. Bits of fungus flake off of the clickerās face, dusting her hair, and with her wild eyes and bared teeth, blood dripping down her torn clothes, she almost looks like a runner. She spits at the body, watching it like sheās waiting for it to move again. To prove itās not dead.
Fuck, sheās covered in blood. Is it hers or the clickerās? You take quick stock, eyes running over her, checking for any signs of injury or, god forbidā
Your stomach hits the floor, the air punching from your lungs when you see the tell-tale crescent moon shape of a bite on her hand. Still, despite the world falling away under your feet, you adjust your grip on your weapon, raising it at her. Standard protocol for a bite. You know you have to do it, even if your hands shake.
āWhat the fuck do you think youāre doing?ā Joelās voice is all venom and shadows from several yards behind you. Ellie turns to look at him, but stops dead in her tracks when her eyes land on you. Her hands fly up in panicked surrender, and the bloody bite glistens in the light of your flashlight.
āWhoa, whoa, whoa,ā she says at the same time Joel curses, āShit.ā
You donāt need to look at him to know heās seen the bite, too. You hear footsteps racing toward you, heavy boots hitting the ground.
Ellieās confusion is clear on her face, her hands trembling. āWhat the fuck is going on with you? Donāt point that fucking thing at me.ā
You pull back the hammer, and the click feels like a dagger in your gut. āYour hand, Ellie.ā
She frowns, eyes still wide, and twists her hands to look. When she sees it, her panic triples, her words coming out in a flurry of desperate pleas. āNo, no, no, wait, hold on, you donāt understand, I swear, itās okay, Iām okay, Iām not infected!ā
You squeeze your eyes shut. Sometimes, itās clear that even though Ellie grew up in a QZ, sheās no soldier. Sheās soft, even when sheās tries to pretend sheās not.
āDonāt you dare fuckinā shoot her,ā Joel shouts, his frantic footsteps mere feet behind you.
Joel will forgive you. Or maybe he wonāt. The least you can do is take this burden from him. Even if he never fucking talks to you again, you will not make him kill his own daughter. You take one single breath, open your eyes, and pull the trigger.
the ballad of boot hill
This is not a place of honor.
For some reason, when you see the blood bloom across Ellieās stomach, those words are the only ones you can recall. The words of a long-forgotten warning, a threat written in the clearest language possible. The height of humanityās hubris.
No highly esteemed deed is commemorated here.
Joel shoves past you, screaming something that you think is Ellieās name. Your ears ring, blood pounding, hands shaking as the gun clatters to the ground. Ellie is still standing, but like you, sheās swaying, as though sheās losing the ability to hold herself up. Her hands fall to her stomach, her blood mixing with the contaminated bite, speeding up the inevitable infection. Her eyes meet yours, and all you read in them is surprise. Not pain, not betrayal. Just innocent surprise. Joel stumbles to her side just as she collapses, his arms outstretched as he catches her and gently lifts her up.
Nothing valued is here.
āItās okay, babygirl, I got you. I got you. Itās okay.ā
Ellie whimpers, wide eyes locked on Joel. Her face is pale, and youāre not sure if itās from blood loss or shock. Blood drips from her torso to the floor as Joel stands, Ellie cradled in his arms.
āJoel,ā you whisper, half in shock yourself.
āMove.ā
You donāt. You canāt. Your feet are glued to the floor, horror racing through you in time with your rapid pulse. Ellie, sweet, funny, infected Ellie, looks so small in Joelās arms.
The danger is to the body, and it can kill.
Your hands flex of their own accord, searching for another trigger to pull.
āI suggest you get the fuck out of my way.ā Joelās voice is lethally calm and he cradles his daughter.
āJoel,ā you try again. āIām sorry, Iāā
āI said, move.ā
He doesnāt wait for you to obey. Instead, he marches forward, shouldering past you. The contact is enough to pull you back to reality and you act, letting your training take over. Whipping your hand back, you snag into the crook of his arm, swinging him around to face you. His face is terrifyingly blank, and you know thereās a good chance you wonāt live to see tomorrow. At least you can save Jackson from its very own outbreak day.
āSheās infected.ā You donāt let yourself look at Ellieās face, at the blood seeping between her fingers. You canāt. You shouldāve aimed for her head. Spared her the pain. āHer hand. Clicker fuckinā bit her.ā
Joel takes one step toward you, his frame towering over yours. You fight the urge to shrink back, to hide. āThe only reason youāre still alive,ā he grinds out, tone sharp and unyielding, āis because we have a very long ride back to Jackson, and I need someone watching our backs while Iām taking care of her.ā
As if to emphasize his point, Ellie lets out a little moan, eyes fluttering shut.
āThereās no way in hell Iām letting you take an infected into Jackson.ā Can you get your gun fast enough to put Ellie out of her misery?
āām not infected,ā Ellie mumbles.
You ignore her.
āYouāre gonna do exactly as I say,ā Joel eyes darken, jaw set.
āAnd if I donāt?ā You bend your knees, fists balling at your sides. āWhat if I refuse to go with you? To be a part of this?ā
āI will hunt you down. And I will kill you. Slowly.ā
His eyesā¦ you donāt doubt he means every word of what heās saying. You shudder. Heās a madmanāa madman about to lose his daughter. To infection, to blood loss, toā¦ well, normal, non-fungus infection. One hundred percent transmission by bite. One hundred percent. If Ellie doesnāt bleed out, sheāll turn. Sheās as good as dead already, and Joel is in complete denial. But if he leaves you here, youāre completely fucked.
Worse, if he makes it back to Jackson with Ellieā¦ sheād slaughter everyone. If she turns before then, heāll have to do the unthinkable. Despite everything, you canāt let him do that. You canāt ask him to kill Ellie. The only option remainingā¦ You. Youāll do the dirty work. Youāll do it for your friend. Youāll do it for the little girl youād come to love. Youāll put her out of the misery of an infected existence for him. When she turns, youāll turn into a monster, too. As if you arenāt one already.
Swallowing hard, you nod. āAll right. Letās go.ā
since itās gonna be a hot minute before Iām able to get the next chapter written, do yall wanna read the very first thing I wrote for tinapoh that I ended up scrapping because I wanted to go in a different direction?
When do you think we can expect a new chapter? Iām so excited!!!!
i'm currently working on my reread and reorganizing my notes i had from when i was actively drafting last. i've got a very, very loose chapter written that i scrapped together before taking my break and i need to reevaluate how i feel about what's already been written and decide if i should take this in a different direction.
all things considered, i'm estimating a week or two before i'm fully in the drafting phase and able to crank stuff out. the good news is, when i finally get into it, it usually only takes me a few hours or so to actually write a chapter. maybe a full day for the longer ones (10k words+).
When do you think we can expect a new chapter? Iām so excited!!!!
i'm currently working on my reread and reorganizing my notes i had from when i was actively drafting last. i've got a very, very loose chapter written that i scrapped together before taking my break and i need to reevaluate how i feel about what's already been written and decide if i should take this in a different direction.
all things considered, i'm estimating a week or two before i'm fully in the drafting phase and able to crank stuff out. the good news is, when i finally get into it, it usually only takes me a few hours or so to actually write a chapter. maybe a full day for the longer ones (10k words+).
first off, there's a ton of messages in my inbox and i love all of u sm, i'm just responding to the most recent one. pls don't think i'm ignoring any of you.
second off, i am still fully intending to finish tina!! i swear on my life, this is the most fun i've had writing a story in years and i've got plans for the remainder of the story!
i have four weeks left of my graduate program, and then i will be graduating and i will be FREE
also for everyone asking about my sister, thank you so much. she still hasn't received a full diagnosis, but MS has thankfully been ruled out entirely. she's been diagnosed with a myotonic disorder, but we're still waiting for genetic panels to identify if she's got muscular dystrophy or not. best case scenario, she's got a very rare genetic conditions that impacts the ability of her muscles to fire appropriately, worst case scenario is muscular dystrophy.
I CHECK YOUR ACCOUNT ALMOST EVERY DAY FOR FEAR THAT YOU MIGHT DEACTIVATE OR DELETE IT. THANK YOU FOR STAYING HERE. I MEAN, IF YOU NEED TO DO IT, I RESPECT THAT, BUT AAA YOU KNOWā¤ļøš¹
AHH I'M STILL HERE AND I'M REGULARLY CHECKING IN ON YALL ILYYYYYY
